Update: Chasmodai, in addition to not having a boyfriend anymore (WTFuck was I thinking?), is on hiatus. For a while.

However, if you really love her and think she's the greatest thing to ever walk the face of the earth (or, you know, not), she writes original fiction on fictionpress. Her username is Chasmodai Blue.

So if it appears that I'm ignoring you...I'm reallyreallyreallyreally sorry and you might want to email me again...(and if you provide me some splatterpunk, I'll do anything you tell me to, no questions asked.) Also, I fucking love Vivaldi. You should fucking love him to.

w00t dead white guys.

Name: Chasmodai

Aliases: Chas, Dai, Chas-Must-Die, Chazzerelli, Kayla, KK, Lunar, Lunar Strawberry, Lunar Chasmodai, Neko-Baka-Chan, Chasmodai-the-Jaculiferous-Zygote

Age: Not a Zygote. I share a birthday with Hoshigaki Kisame.

Sex: Female

Gender: Hell if I know

Sexual Orientation: Psha, like you have any right to know. ...I'll tell you when I know, mkai?

Location: Hippie Town, Oregon. You want to sit outside my window? I have crazy rock-throwing hippies. And crazy hippie-throwing rocks.

Religion: God is a firecracker. Other than that, go wild.

Politics: Well Across the Universe majorly fucked me up...now I'm just waiting for the revolution to start. And if it doesn't? I guess I'll have to start it myself.

Hair: Dark reddish-brown with blonde-like roots growing out. I'll dye it later.

Eyes: Blue or Grey.

Race: Even the standardized tests don't know! I prefer not to answer your stupid profiling questions thank you very much.

Weight: Like...147?

Height: 5' 6"

Why You Love Me: Strong as an ox (my dad is a personal trainer, it's in my genes), analytical (...and he minored in philosophy), I love food (my mother was a chef) and am a charismatic little bugger. And I'm loyal. I go down with the ship! Unless, of course, I'm needed more with the group of castaways.

Why You Don't: Of course, the castaways would soon wish I had gone down with the ship, because I'm lazy and I brood. I also tend to try and throw communities into anarchy, and if that doesn't work, turn it into a dictatorship. Also, I will lock myself away and not talk to anyone for days. When they run out of food, I'm the first person they nominate to eat. Usually.

Likes: Fanfiction, RENT, Punk Music (especially the Sex Pistols, the Ramones, the Clash, Agnostic Front, Sleater-Kinney, Escape the Fate) Country Music, Tupac, Tracy Chapman and Ben Harper, Music That's Out of the Mainstream, Manga/Anime (Especially Naruto, Loveless, Confidential Confessions, Yami no Matsuei, and Sukisho), Political activism, debating, writing, talking with my friends. Film (Love Martin Scorsese, Takashi Miike, and M. Night Shyamalan most of all, but almost any offbeat cinema is fine with me), Asian Horror Films (especially Ringu, Audition, and Tale of Two Sisters. None of that pansy-ass American shit for me! I felt I needed to list that. This is sort of separate from film in general.) I like slash too, but it's not like that's the only thing I read. I read femslash too! (Just kidding...I do read het. If it's good.)

Dislikes: I used to have a list for this, but actually...I don't really dislike things. Well, I hate stuff like war and hate and weird green veggies that move, but as far as people go, I actually like everyone in my life so far. All the people who attend my school included. Even the uber-homophobic kid. He's really cool actually, to debate with and occasionally have other, unrelated conversations. I don't hate people, I hate things.

Ambitions, Dammit: I think I'll end up majoring in writing. Possibly Japanese. I like the sciences (genetics, chemistry), but I don't want to take any more math than I need to. Psychology? (Does rat park work on skag heads? Well? DOES IT PUNK?!)

Lunar Chasmodai's Eleven Commandments of Fanfiction (subject to alteration)

1) Worship thy Spell Check and thy Grammar Check, for they are thy Lord and Master.

2) Typing fanfiction in pink underwear is okay.

3) If there is no plot, that's okay. If there is no porn, that's okay. If there's no porn and no plot...

4) Thou shalt not speak ill of Pairings, merely leave That Place and never return.

5) Thou shalt not regularly use Numb3rs in thy Text, for it is Tacky.

6) Thou shalt neither enable the Bad Writers nor Flame them, merely attempt to help them become better.

7) Thou shalt not create Mary Sues, for They will bring Downfall to the Fandom.

8) Thou shalt avoid the use of Otaku Wapanese at all costs unless absolutely necessary. That is to say, Most Holy Satire.

9) Thou must make attempts to befriend other Writers in the Community.

10) Leave Reviews. Reply to Reviews. Always.

11) Write as you want, not as others want you to write.

Pairings (Best Pairing Ever Because I Said So Damn It/There's basis somewhere.../Utter Fanon/For the angst factor and or lulz.

(Avatar: the Last Airbender) ZukoKatara, TophAang, SokkaFlavoroftheday (look ma, no slash!)

(Inuyasha) InuyashaKagome. SangoMiroku (and again ma! Look! No slash!)

(Naruto) SasukeNaruto or NarutoSasuke. ZabuzaHaku. SakuraIno. SakuraSai. SakuraKakashi. SakuraHinata. SakuraTobi. SakuraSomeoneelseI'veforotten. GaaraLee. GaaraNeji. GaaraNaruto. HinataKiba. TemariHinata. TemariShikamaru. TentenKankurou. SasoriDeidara. ItachiDeidara. Uchihacest. (Fuck ma, don't look!)

(Kingdom Hearts) AxelRoxas. SoraRiku. XemnasSaix. LarxeneMarluxia. LarxeneNamine.

I don't slash for everything and I try to avoid stories where it's all slash. I don't mind het as side pairings or even as a main pairing if the writing is nice and DEATH RIDDEN. I call it as I see it (except LarxeneNamine. That's just for shits and giggles).

I can tell if an Original Character is a Mary Sue. In French. Despite the fact that I don't speak French.

I can tell if an Original Character is a Mary Sue. In Japanese. And then I can flame you so bad your stomach lining curdles in that same language.

L is for Love, because I'm a lover, not a hater.

U is for Unusual, because I'm just that...unusual.

N is for Nihongo, the language I'm currently studying.

A is for Artistic, which I am and constantly aspire to be more.

R is for Ritual and Religion...a piece of life that everyone is entitled to their own opinions on, granted it infringes on no one else's (I subscribe to no religion and all religion: there are many paths, they all lead to the same place.)

C is for confused, which I often am, except in the one way everyone seems to think I am.

H is for Heard, something I strive to be.

A is for Anti-Discrimination.

S is for Speaker, because I'm not afraid to speak out for what I believe in.

M is for Mind, my best quality.

O is for Omnisexual, which is how I identify.

D is for Debate, by favorite after school activity.

A is for American Indian, which is the part of my heritage I am most connected to. (Chumash, Hopi, Navajo, Cherokee...)

I is for Identity, the thing I hold most important in my life.

I am Lunar Chasmodai.

Frequently Asked Questions:

Why did you leave FF?! I didn't. I still read and review, I'm just in a writing slump at the moment. I've written a couple of one shots but remain unsatisfied. I'll be back soon though, National Novel Writing Month starts Nov. 1...come December I'll probably be back, hardened in the ways of sitting down and WRITING. As I learned last year from writing Road Trip and NanoWriMo, procrastination must be choked, tied up, and starved for a month every once in a while in order to create great art (yeah right...).

Can you actually speak Japanese? Some. I actually take Japanese (as in, in a classroom with a teacher, born and raised in Tokyo) and can write in Hiragana and Katakana. I can write Kanji for the days of the week and numbers and colors. I can't do serious translations...I'm somewhere on par with 'the kitten is white. The rat is grey'. (Koneko wa shiro desu. Nezumi wa nezumiiro desu. Yes, the rat is rat-colored!). I can also talk about the weather, order basically anything I want, ask someone out, and mug someone (who needs a job? Okane dase!) I am above Otaku par.

Are you cute? XD Of course. I could take on all those little puppies with my cuteness and a hacksaw any day.

What are your ambitions? So many school counselors ask this...I think I want to be either a scientist (marine biologist) or do something arts related (Phtographer or a writer. Then again, I could probably be a writer and one of the above...) Then of course, psychology. Man, I want to see if the Rat Park Experiment works on Skag Heads (and if it doesn't...oh well). I have a couple of years to decide.Yes, I want to live in Japan. On Shikoku. Not because I care about anime, because I'm in love with the architecture and the possibility to take photographs. I love the shrines. (And if Shikoku doesn't want me, there's always Gifu! Or Nara! HOLY DEER!) My greatest goal is the win the Guggenheim.

Will you beta? Sure. I have a profile, actually.

I lay full crush claim to Temari (Naruto), Larxene (Kingdom Hearts), and James Potter (...three guesses. First two don't count). Where the hell is the love for them? Why don't they have endless fangirls/boys? Blasphemy! So you can take your 'I love Draco' and your 'Zuko is my boyfriend' and your 'Mrs. Uchiha' and I will be Sabaku no Chasmodai.

"I sing the body electric..."

Yup, shameless quoting of Walt Whitman. So many puns...must...flee...

Apparently 98 percent of kids have tried weed. If you are the only person in the world who thinks cinnamon sticks are better, do not copy and paste this in your profile, merely join the cult and continue with your daily life.

98 percent of people are aliens. If you're one of the 2 percent who believes every biased statistic comment you read, you're more of an idiot than I gave you credit for.

98 percent of people are concerned with fitting in. If you're too insecure to be more original than that, copy and paste this into your profile.

Humans are only smarter than computers because humans can come up with an infinite string of non-repeating numbers. If you can only come up with 'Cheese! Fudge! Llama! VARIOUS OTHER FOODSTUFFS!', then I suggest you prey to the deity of whatever religion you subscribe too that you're in a technologically underdeveloped country when the robot uprising comes. Randomness, my lovelies, is power.

98 percent of all teeange girls are gay. If you're one of them and wish this statistic were true, you should give me a call.

98 percent of teenagers have moved onto rap. If you're one of the 2 percent that notices all fake statistics start out with 98 percent, then you're more informed than the other 36 percent of the population and should totally paste this into your profile.

92 percent of people would stop breathing if Abercrombie and Fitch told them if it was uncool. If you are one of the survivors who would go on rampage and slaughter everyone around you, regardless of this fact...there's splatterpunk and therapy for that.

If you don't like the OC, Laguna Beach, or the Hills because of their bad lighting, awful plotting, and one-dimensional character representation, you're better than 67 percent on the little punks who hate it because they think they're too damned cool.

(Tell me who you are though, because I suck at trying to figure it out.)

If you got all the way through this, you deserve...something...I don't know. A cookie.