"I'm a jerk to everyone. Best way to protect yourself from lawsuits." - House, M.D.

"Someone's gonna be miserable sometime. Accept it. That's how I stay so happy." - House, M.D.

Picard: "So what's the plan once we find the second artifact?"
Riker: "Well, you are to identify it, then I'm supposed to kill you and take your place."
Picard: "Will, I always knew you were after my job." - Star Trek: TNG