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Il Cattivo
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email: Email
since: 08-23-06, id: 1120724, Profile Updated: 11-17-09
country: Norway
Author has written 24 stories for Harry Potter.

SLASH IS WORTH GETTING OUT OF BED IN THE MORNING FOR

:D

Scripture from the Holy Book (of Fan Fiction):

One day, The Great Lady said unto her people
"Hear ye, hear ye! 'Tis I, The Mighty Il Cattivo, and
I cometh bearing boysexx, angst and character abuse!"

And it was indeed so. Boysexx, angst and character
abuse rained upon the world for forty days and
forty nights - until slashfic was deemed the Great
Salvation by the people.

And there was much squeeing throughout the land.

:D

:D

:D

:D

:D

AND NOW, FOR SOME RANDOM FACTS ABOUT YOURS TRULY!

- I secretly like think that every single lyric Morrissey has ever written is about me in one way or another.
- I am NOT going to inform you about my hair color, eye color, tattoos or piercings, nor which clothes I likes to wear to school. Leave that to the people who write Mary-Sue fics :P
- I am supposedly a descendant of one of the bad guys in "The Three Musketeers" - according to my mother, anyway... but there's a possibility that she's having me on.
- I am deadly frightened of anything related to taxidermy (except that Hungarian film, that was pretty nifty).
- I have a wish that the gift of being able to avoid hindsight could be bestowed upon me. Like, ASAP!
- I have indirectly killed a number of pets over the years, all due to severe neglect. Pet Body Count: FIVE. And let's not get started on the plants!
- I COULD have been a vegetarian - if not for all that sushi and holiday food, that is! Yumm, pinnekjøtt.
- I share my birthday with Hugh Laurie, that kid from Pan's Labyrinth, that creepy guy who played Nosferatu and the midget from Nip/Tuck.
- I am a complete Neat Freak (which you could easily ascertain from just looking over my profile, no doubt).

:D

FIVE FOODS, BOOKS, FILMS, CDs AND ITEMS I'D BRING TO A DESERTED ISLAND:

Foods
- sushi
- pinnekjøtt
- spaghetti
- pancakes
- eggs&bacon (counts as one)

Books
- "Slaughterhouse Five, or The Children's Crusade" by Kurt Vonnegut
- "Extremely Loud and Incredibly Close" by Jonathan Safran Foer
- "Filth" by Irvine Welsh
- "Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix" by J. K. Rowling
- "Mannen Som Elsket Yngve" by Tore Renberg

Films
- "Naked"
- "Inglourious Basterds"
- "The Full Monty"
- "Perfume: The Story of a Murderer"
- "Trainspotting"

CDs
- any album by The Smiths
- "Deloused in the Comatorium" (The Mars Volta)
- "Boss for Leader" (Slagsmålsklubben)
- "Intimacy" (Bloc Party)
- "In Rainbows" (Radiohead)

Items
- my cell phone (fully charged)
- my laptop (works for both music and video)
- a power generator (for the laptop)
- a swiss army knife
- one ridiculously huge roll of toilet paper

:D

RECENT NEWS ON THE FIC-WRITING DEPARTMENT (not that anyone really gives a toss what I do):
- Still trying to motivate myself into continuing "The Best and Worst Thing". Not to worry, though, I'll finish it... sometime. I know how I want it to end and all, it's just getting started that's the tricky bit :P
- "The Risk of Keeping Secrets" is SORT OF over, but I´ve got a couple more (or maybe just one, whatevz :P) chapters in mind - kind of like an alternate ending...but not really. Yeah, I do realize that I'm making no sense. Anyway, stay tuned!
- "SongficORama" is still in progress. It's kind of an in-between-projects thing.
- Got some more fics coming up - but they're NOT Harry Potter fics! Oh my god, right?? I've got two Merlin fics, one Inglourious Basterds fic, and a Torchwood fic... Whether I'll finish them or not is hard to say at this point, though.

AND REMEMBER: R&R KEEPS ME GOING, PPLZ!

Found this lil' number off of somebody else's profile... pass it 'round!

:D

Harry Potter fanfic challenge... number your favorite characters in Harry Potter in order, and answer the following questions! Have fun!..

1. Remus Lupin (Because he's The Lovable Beast!)
2. Severus Snape (Because he kind of reminds me of myself, in a way... on drugs. HEAVY drugs.)
3. Theodore Nott (Because he's waaaaaaay classier than any of the other Slytherin shit kids.)
4. Sirius Black (Need I explain? Really?)
5. Luna Lovegood (Because she's the best female character in the books - and an utter eccentric, to boot! I do love my eccentrics.)
6. Neville Longbottom (Because he's just LOVELY.)
7. The Twins (Because I can't decide whether they are funny or creepy.)
8. Tonks (Because I'd love to be able to do that to my hair...)
9. Moody (Because he's a grouchy badass with a freaky eye!)
10. Arthur Weasley (Because I wish he was MY father :( sigh)

1. Have you read a five/ten fic before?
- Luna/Arthur? Nope, but I bet it exists somewhere out there. I never read anything involving Luna having romantic feelings for anyone, tho, as I see her as sort of... asexual. And I also don't see Arthur with anyone but Molly :)
2. Do you think three is hot? How hot?
- Oh, wow... How could you not like a gloomy loner like Theodore. Nott is hott, lulz XD
3. What would happen if six got one pregnant?
- Neville putting a bun in Remus's oven?? Not only is that physically impossible, seeing as Remus doesn't even have an oven - it would also be WEIRD.
4. Do you recall any good fics about nine?
- LOL, I doubt a lot of people take the time to write about an old geezer like Moody.
5. Would seven and two make a good couple?
- Haha! The twins and Snape?? That'll be the day. They'd make a pretty funny threesome, if anything... Hahahahaha. Man, I really can't even imagine it. Maybe it could work as a sit-com - it could be called "Double the Fun"! XD
6. Four/eight or four/nine?
- Sirius with Tonks or Moody? Well, as much as I hate the thought of Sirius with anyone but Remus, I'd have to say Tonks - because, well, I don't think anyone would like to see Sirius/Moody... Or ANYONE with Moody for that matter. At least not in a smutfic. Just imagine, if you will: "So-and-so stroked Moody's hairy back as the veteran auror grunted out his love in extasy, sweating like a boar as he climaxed..." LOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLLOOLOLOLOLOLOLOLLLLLL!! XD
7. What would happen if seven discovered three and eight in a secret relationship?
- The twins discovering Theo and Tonks? Well, not that that would happen, EVER... but I suppose they'd run off to Remus and be all "she dun love you!" and Remus would shrug and go about his doings, all content, thinking this'll be the perfect chance to spring the "I'm also too sodding gay, Tonks!" on her. Harr harr.
8. Make a summary of at least twenty words for a two/six fic.
- Alright, a Neville/Snape fic... Here goes: "He really ought not to. Every fibre of his being was telling him that liking a teacher that way - especially a teacher that was this rotten towards him - was utterly, utterly wrong. Still, Neville couldn't help fantasizing about all the things he'd let Snape do with him if they were alone in the class room... Because, truth be told, Neville kind of enjoyed being humiliated." ...sweet jesus, that turned out real kinky! I'm a bit appalled with myself right now, actually.
9. Is there a such thing as a four/ten romantic fluff story?
- Sirius/Arthur fluff?? ...sorry, not in my mind.
10. Suggest a title for a one/five Hurt/Comfort fic.
- "Just hold me, you strange little girl" - a Remus/Luna H/C fic.
11. What kind of plot would you use if four wanted to seduce one?
- Heh, I'm pretty sure I've already written some fic where Sirius seduces Remus... I think I've got quite a few of those, actually. Judging by my songfic "Satellite of Love", tho, Sirius would have to get some help from Lou Reed.
12. Does anyone on your friends list read number seven/nine slash?
- The twins with MOODY?? I sincerely hope not. Jesus Christ.
13. If you wrote a songfic about number ten, what song would you chose?
- "Come to Daddy" by Aphex Twin... No, EW!!
14. If you wrote a two/three/six fic, what would the warning be?
- "Warning: Snape has it off with two of his STUDENTS - who, by the way are very MALE and very UNDERAGE. Read it and weep."
15. What pick-up line might eight use on five?
- Tonks's pick-up line for Luna: "Ever wonder what it's like to snog a duck's bill? Or a pig's snout? Cos I can make it happen, love. Say the word and I'll turn into anything you like!" (to which Luna would say "Parlor games... splendid!")
16. Challenge: Write a drabblefic for ten/eight.
- You know I won't.

:D

:D

Sort: Category . Published . Updated . Title . Words . Chapters . Reviews . Status .

1. SongficORama reviews
Just one songfic after another... First oneshot-chapter is Theodore/Blaise, based on Bloc Party's "Better Than Heaven". Rated M for swearing and such.
Harry Potter - Rated: M - English - Romance/Angst - Chapters: 1 - Words: 2,135 - Reviews: 1 - Published: 9-1-09 - Blaise Z. & Theodore N.
2. Here's to Hoping! reviews
Theodore muses over a drink. DM/TN-slash, sort of. Rather short, almost drabble-y oneshot in about nine hundred words. Rated M just in case. Sequel, so you should probably read the previous fics first.
Harry Potter - Rated: M - English - Drama/Romance - Chapters: 1 - Words: 948 - Reviews: 1 - Published: 6-20-09 - Theodore N. & Draco M. - Complete
3. What We're Not Saying reviews
RLSB V-day fluff! It's Valentine's, and Sirius is spending it with...Remus? Thing is though, Remus doesn't know it's a date. Tension ensues! Rated for language.
Harry Potter - Rated: K+ - English - Romance/Humor - Chapters: 1 - Words: 1,744 - Reviews: 10 - Updated: 5-10-09 - Published: 2-14-09 - Remus L. & Sirius B. - Complete
4. The Risks of Keeping Secrets » reviews
When Remus arrives at Hogwarts, one bitter professor takes advantage of the situation... You'd think that with some love and support from Sirius he'll pull through, right? But things aren't always that simple. RLSB, RLOMCnon-con.
Harry Potter - Rated: M - English - Angst/Romance - Chapters: 6 - Words: 8,939 - Reviews: 20 - Updated: 1-25-09 - Published: 6-17-08 - Remus L. & Sirius B. - Complete
5. ALL THAT WHISKEY AND OLD HATRED reviews
TNDM: After years of confusion and bitter resentment towards Draco, Theodore finally gets what he needs... A confrontation. WARNING! Coarse language and mentions of sex and alcohol.
Harry Potter - Rated: M - English - Drama/Angst - Chapters: 1 - Words: 3,560 - Reviews: 1 - Published: 8-5-08 - Theodore N. & Draco M. - Complete
6. Closure reviews
Slash, TN/DM. "He's lovely and perfect and all I've ever looked for in a partner. He's everything you could never be for me... So why the bloody hell do I get a cold sweat every time I see your idiot face?"
Harry Potter - Rated: M - English - Angst/Romance - Chapters: 1 - Words: 1,719 - Reviews: 3 - Published: 6-25-08 - Theodore N. & Draco M. - Complete
7. Good Guys Finish Last reviews
Slash, RLSB and onesided PPRL Peter has always wanted to be a good guy... But when you find out that you're not only gay for your friend, but also that said friend is in love with your other friend, being a good guy is not so easy. Rated T.
Harry Potter - Rated: T - English - Angst/Romance - Chapters: 1 - Words: 6,435 - Reviews: 7 - Published: 2-15-08 - Sirius B. & Remus L. - Complete
8. I Love You, F4ggot! reviews
Slash, RLSB There's a V-Day ball at Hogwarts, and Remus is peeved about Sirius not taking him. But Sirius has a trick up his sleeve! Rated T for some mild language and homophobic attitude.
Harry Potter - Rated: T - English - Romance/Humor - Chapters: 1 - Words: 1,855 - Reviews: 17 - Published: 2-13-08 - Remus L. & Sirius B. - Complete
9. The Best and Worst Thing REVISED » reviews
[THIS STORY IS SLASH: A revised edition of an old RLSB and RLSS triangle I wrote a billion years ago. Rated M for...well, just about everything.]
Harry Potter - Rated: M - English - Romance/Angst - Chapters: 27 - Words: 32,919 - Reviews: 32 - Updated: 1-16-08 - Published: 7-26-07 - Remus L. & Sirius B.
10. Strangely Sexy reviews
Slash, RLSB This is the sequel for "THE CAT IS OUT OF THE BAG"... so read that first, ok? When Remus starts acting all funny after what Sirius did to him in the bathroom that day, Sirius has to come to terms with a couple of things. Rated M just in case
Harry Potter - Rated: M - English - Romance/Humor - Chapters: 1 - Words: 1,560 - Reviews: 14 - Published: 1-12-08 - Sirius B. & Remus L. - Complete
11. Likes and Dislikes 2: Holding Hands reviews
The follow-up to Likes and Dislikes, written because of popular demand. Very fluffy! RLSB, Remus's POV. Rated M just in case.
Harry Potter - Rated: M - English - Romance - Chapters: 1 - Words: 1,175 - Reviews: 11 - Published: 1-9-08 - Remus L. & Sirius B. - Complete
12. Likes and Dislikes or: The Thing Is reviews
Slash, RLSB of course. MWPP Era. Sirius tends to list what he likes about Remus... Terribly fluffy! Rated M just in case.
Harry Potter - Rated: M - English - Romance/Drama - Chapters: 1 - Words: 1,831 - Reviews: 16 - Published: 12-30-07 - Sirius B. & Remus L. - Complete
13. The Bottom Line reviews
One day, James corners Remus... Unrequited RLSB. Angsty songficdrabble. Rated M just in case. COMPLETE.
Harry Potter - Rated: M - English - Romance/Angst - Chapters: 1 - Words: 636 - Reviews: 6 - Published: 11-18-07 - Remus L. & Sirius B. - Complete
14. THE CAT IS OUT OF THE BAG! reviews
[Slash, RLSB. Rated M for mild language, sexual content and bastard!Sirius] James has news for Sirius... Read on to find out more!
Harry Potter - Rated: M - English - Angst/Romance - Chapters: 1 - Words: 1,207 - Reviews: 24 - Published: 8-9-07 - Remus L. & Sirius B. - Complete
15. The Substitute reviews
Severus can't have Remus... But he can have Regulus, so he brews up a little Polyjuice potion. Aheheheh. [Very naughty story, so it's rated M. Slashy, underage sex, one sided RBSS, one sided RLSS, and insinuated RLSB. Marauders Era. Reg's POV.]
Harry Potter - Rated: M - English - Angst/Romance - Chapters: 1 - Words: 2,096 - Reviews: 8 - Published: 5-25-07 - Regulus B. & Severus S. - Complete
16. Of Making Love » reviews
This is the sequel to my, erm, deemed by others rather controversial oneshot Ditto. Read that one first, and come back to this one, please... [RLSB, rated M for noncon. SUMMARY: Sirius tries to be a better person failing miserably.]
Harry Potter - Rated: M - English - Angst/Romance - Chapters: 3 - Words: 2,405 - Reviews: 20 - Published: 5-9-07 - Sirius B. & Remus L. - Complete
17. Ditto or: Such a Little Thing reviews
Remus and Sirius are the perfect couple but there's unfortunately a certain issue that can very easily ruin what they have together. [Rated M for just about everything. RLSB noncon slash... You have been warned!]
Harry Potter - Rated: M - English - Angst/Romance - Chapters: 1 - Words: 2,473 - Reviews: 15 - Published: 5-7-07 - Remus L. & Sirius B. - Complete
18. Cul de Sac reviews
Harry's 3rd year: Remus comes to work at Hogwarts, and find that Severus Snape has not changed one bit. [Quite slashy, so homophobes BEWARE! RLSS and mentions of onesided HGSS. This fic is a spinoff of one of my other fics, The Best and Worst Thing.]
Harry Potter - Rated: K+ - English - Romance/Angst - Chapters: 1 - Words: 990 - Reviews: 2 - Published: 5-3-07 - Remus L. & Severus S. - Complete
19. Blankets vs Satin Sheets » reviews
[A teenaged Sirius is starting to have doubts about his motives when it comes to his relationship with Remus.] This story is RLSB, ergo it's a SLASHORAMA! If you no likey, you no readey as simple as that, really... Rated M for dirty language, I guess.
Harry Potter - Rated: M - English - Romance/Drama - Chapters: 2 - Words: 2,331 - Reviews: 12 - Published: 3-22-07 - Sirius B. & Remus L. - Complete
20. Palms Sweating, Pulse Racing reviews
This story gives you a tour of Snape's twisted mind. Wow, my summaries really make my stories seem duller than they are! This is another spinoff of my first fic, so you should probably read that one first. RLSS, RLSB. Rated M because I want to be careful.
Harry Potter - Rated: M - English - Angst/Romance - Chapters: 1 - Words: 2,648 - Reviews: 3 - Published: 3-19-07 - Severus S. & Remus L. - Complete
21. And I Cry reviews
Oneshot spinoff of one of my other stories. MWPP era: Remus is not the only one who suffers under his lycantrophy. RLSB! You have been warned. Rated M for foul language.
Harry Potter - Rated: M - English - Angst/Romance - Chapters: 1 - Words: 1,246 - Reviews: 7 - Published: 3-4-07 - Remus L. & Sirius B. - Complete
22. Satellite of Love reviews
happy!Songfic for Lou Reed's Satellite of Love... written when I was strungout and bored. slash RLSB. Summary inside. Rated M because I won't take any chances.
Harry Potter - Rated: M - English - Humor/Romance - Chapters: 1 - Words: 1,041 - Reviews: 8 - Published: 2-27-07 - Remus L. & Sirius B. - Complete
23. Woes of Valentine » reviews
Conflicting emotions! W00t! Marauder's Era, multiple pairings slash and het. Larger summary inside : rated M nothing big, really, but you can never be too careful.
Harry Potter - Rated: M - English - Romance/Humor - Chapters: 7 - Words: 7,111 - Reviews: 10 - Published: 2-14-07 - Remus L. & Severus S. - Complete
24. One or: Pink Butterflies reviews
VERY angsty RLSB songfic oneshot...set just after Halloween 1981: Remus is bad for himself. Rated M for heavy angst, sex, foul language and this gross OC
Harry Potter - Rated: M - English - Angst/Romance - Chapters: 1 - Words: 1,148 - Reviews: 10 - Published: 12-19-06 - Remus L. & Sirius B. - Complete
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