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ADDRESSED TO MY SHORT YET FAITHFUL SUPPLY OF READERS -

I have decided that a mass withdrawal and revision of some of my older stories is necessary. Don't worry, the fan favorites and completed fics will remain up, but I'm seriously disappointed with my other, imcompleted fics. They won't be going up until either they are completed, or I'm satisfied with them.

In the meantime, I can only beg your patience and understanding (most likely unsuccessfully).

-SS

If you have a life, you will scroll over the next ten pages of useless, uninteresting information and start reading my fanfiction.

Go on, now. Hop like a bunny.

Screename(s): ScathingSarcasm a.k.a. SarcasticSachi

ScathingSarcasm is a high school sophmore with an interest in writing and art, and more or less a social pariah with little to no human contact. She plans to persue Language Arts, and has a Gaara-like additude when it comes to society. She likes storms, psychotic friends to do psychotic things with, and drawing. She LOVES her reviewers, though, and will eat her flamers souls.

These Are A Few Of My Favorite Things!

Movies: Dogma, Love Actually, Much Ado Amout Nothing...

Fav Quotes - or, Rediculusly Long List of Funny but Worthless Quotes:

-How did you do that?

-With great skillful skill and great speedy speed.

I hate to advocate drugs, alcohol, violence, or insanity to anyone, but they've always worked for me.

Build a man a fire, and he'll be warm for a day. Set a man on fire, and he'll be warm for the rest of his life."

I told my psychiatrist that everyone hates me. He said I was being ridiculous - everyone hasn't met me yet.

I'd like to have a battle of wits with you but I don’t fight people that are unarmed.

Light travels faster than sound. This is why some people appear bright until you hear them speak.

Either you're lieing to other people, or you're lieing to yourself.

-Me

Words cant hurt you unless the person saying them writes them on an anvil and drops it on your head.

I have no preference. I hate everyone equally.

Oh please! You're family's in danger every time you pick up a butter knife!"

- Vlad Masters, Danny Phantom

-Shoots monkey-

"Look, an undead monkey!"

- Jack in Pirates of the Carrabiean 2

"Those clothes do not suit you at all, love. It should be a dress, or nothing. You know, I happen to have no dress in my cabin..."

-Jack in Pirates of the Carrabiean 2

Only time I've ever seen Dad as angry as Mum. Fred reckons his left buttock has never been the same since.'

'Yea, well, passing over Fred's left buttock- '

'Beg your pardon?' said Fred's voice as the twins entered the kitchen.

- Harry Potter , Half Blood Prince

Snape sneaks up on Harry from behind

Snape: Potter, what are you doing wandering the coridors at night?

Harry: I'm sleep walking.

-HP, Movie Three

"Tradgedy is when I cut my finger, Comedy is when you fall into an open sewer and die."

- Mel Brooks

"Whoever said nothing is impossible, never tried slamming a revolving door."

When you take a few punches and realise you're not made of glass, the world suddenly isn't such a scary place.

"People think that I must be a very strange person.

This is not correct.

I have the heart of a small boy.

It is in a glass jar on my desk."

-Stephen King

"Morgan is the one talking about soul ripping and element tearing. I think the ship had kind of sailed, you know? The barn door’s open, the cows are out, and the bag is really devoid of cats!"

- The Dresden Files, Harry

"I wouldn’t mind if you want to kill me

but I might struggle a bit..."

-Trowa Barton

I'm 17. Looking at linoleum makes me want to have sex.

-Xander - Buffy the Vampire Slayer

'I reject your reality and substitute my own.'

-Adam Savage - MythBusters

"Humankind cannot gain anything without first giving something in return. To obtain, something of equal value must be lost. That is alchemy's first law of equivalant exchange. In those days, we really believed that to be the world's one and only truth."

-Edward Elric - Fullmetal Alchemist

"No, you don't get it, thats why I'm telling you. You think you get it, which isn't the same as actually getting it. Get it?"

-Kakashi Hatake - Naruto

"I'll make up for my age with a really big gun."

-Root - Aremis Fowl

Vernon: Listening to the news! Again?
Harry: Well, it changes every day, you see.

Harry Potter & Vernon Dursley - HP: OotP

Vernon: We're not stupid, you know.
Harry: Well, that's news to me.

Harry Potter & Vernon Dursley - HP: OotP

"I expect what you're not aware of would fill several books, Dursley."

-Mad-Eye Moody - HP: OotP

Commodore: You are the worst pirate I have ever heard of.
Jack Sparrow: But you have heard of me.

James Norrington & Jack Sparrow - PotC 1

Tia: You have a touch of destiny about you, William Turner.
Will: Do you know me?
Tia: You want to know me.
Jack: There will be no knowing here! I thought I knew you.

Jack, Will & Tia - PotC 2

"I've got a jar of dirt! I've got a jar of dirt! And guess what's inside it?"

-Jack - PotC

Lord Cutler Beckett: You're mad!
Jack: If I wasn't, this'd probably never work.

-Jack & Beckett - PotC

"We have sticktion!"

-Grant - MythBusters

"A good leader is a person who takes a little more than his share of the blame and a little less than his share of the credit."

- John C. Maxwell

Part of me, won't agree

Cause I don't know if it's for sure.

Suddenly, suddenly,

I don't feel so insecure

anymore.

-Sum 41 - The Hell Song

Haikus are easy,
But sometimes they don't make sense
Refrigerator

-Rolf Nelson

"Whatever, Mr. Insane-Vain-Poppin-a-Little-Too-Far-Out-of-his-Head-While-Swinging-a-Bat-Guy..."

-Adam Sandler - Anger Management

There are too kinds of anger - explosive and implosive. Explosive is the man in the supermarket that screams at the casheir for not taking his cupons. Implosive is the casheir, who sits there day... after day... and then one day, shoots everyone in the store. You're the casheir."

- Anger Management

“The pessimist sees difficulty in every opportunity. The optimist sees the opportunity in every difficulty."

-Winston Churchill

“Je vais ou je vas mourir, l'un et l'autre se dit ou se disent."
Translation : “I am about to -- or I am going to -- die: either expression is correct.”

- Dominique Bouhours

“Hey, fellas! How about this for a headline for tomorrow's paper? 'French Fries'!” -- James French -- French, a convicted murderer, was sentenced to the electric chair. He shouted these words to members of the press who were to witness his execution.

“Put out the bloody cigarette!!” - Saki - Spoken to a fellow officer while in a trench during World War One, for fear the smoke would give away their positions. He was then shot by a German sniper who had heard the remark.
--

“Hurrah for anarchy! This is the happiest moment of my life.” -- George Engel, anarchist, union activist, shouted before his execution at the gallows.

“Nobody shot me.” -- Frank "Tight Lips" Gusenberg, American mobster murdered as part of the St. Valentine's Day Massacre. -- In response to a police officer who asked "Who shot you?"

It takes 46 muscles to frown but only 4 to flip 'em the bird.

-Unknown
--

"You're quasi-evil. You're semi-evil. You're the margarine of evil. You're the diet coke of evil. Just one calorie - not evil enough!"

-Austin Powers - Dr. Evil

And you wonder why you life is an unending series of insurmountable intellectual, financial and emotional hurdles..."

The Dresden Files - Bob

Carla: Why can't you just, for once, dig deep down into your heart, access some emotions, and empathize with me?

...Later...

Dr. Cox: Listen, I was thinking about what happened earlier, and... Anyway...uh, here.

He presents a small styrofoam box containing a pastry.

Carla: Wow. You finally dug deep down in your heart and came up with a muffin!

-Scrubs - Dr. Cox & Carla

-Dr. Cox whacks JD upside the head-

-draws hand back, its covered in gel-

"Dear God, Newbie, how much product do you use?"

Dr.Cox - Scrubs

JD, "Oh my god, it's David Copperfeild!"

- Scrubs

"I am up to here with cool, okay, I am so amazingly cool that you could keep a side of meat in me for a month, I am so hip I have difficulty seeing over my pelvis, now would you move before I blow it?"

- Hitchikers Guide to the Galaxy

Every song ever made by the Bloodhound Gang - hillarious. Look 'em up. Specifically -

"Foxtrot Uniform Charlie Kilo" - by The Bloodhound Gang

Small Excerpt -

If I get you in the loop when I make a point to be straight with you then
In lieu of the innuendo in the end know my intent though
I brazillian wax poetic so pathetically
I don't wanna beat around the bush

"Hello. My name is Indigo Montoya. You killed my father. Prepare to die."

-Indigo Montoya, The Princess Bride

Greg - "I'm like a sponge, I just absorb information...

Gil - "I thought that was my line."

Greg - "Yeah. And I absorbed it."

-Greg Sanders and Gil Grissom, CSI

Gil - "How much do you weigh?"

Warrick - "Uh, that's between me and my trainer."

Gil - "Do I have to get a scale?"

Warrick - "Buck-ninty-five, give or take a dounut."

-Gil Grissom and Warrick Brown, CSI

Gil - "Tell me about his testicles."

Doc Robbins - "What?! Ah, okay... I'm working with you..."

Gil Grissom and Doc Robbins, CSI

Cath - "...what kind of perverse game are you playing here, Gil?"

Gil - "I'm not a pervert."

-Cathrine Willows and Gil Grissom, CSI

Greg - "...you smell like death."

Sara - "I've heard!"

-Greg Sanders and Sara Sidle, CSI

Cath - "It's raining man juice?"

-Cathrine Willows, CSI

"I think people who curse are skanks."

-Ms. Ford, my Latin Teacher

"Disfigured babies should be killed at birth."

-Ms. Ford, my Latin Teacher

"If your mom still drives you to school, you ain't no gangsta, pull your pants up!"

-Jeff Foxworthy, Comedian

"Tenacious tatas!"

- Peanut the Woozle, AKA Jeff Dunham, Comedian

"Never. Mock. The Cookie."

- Uncle, Jackie Chan Adventures (on the topic of fortune cookies)

"RUN! THE CURRY OF LIFE!"

- Naruto (... you'd have to see the episode.)

"...because I'm Dan Grave!"

- Ruger's Model Congress Speaker Dan Grave: to be used as justification for... just about everything. Why? Beacuse I'm Dan Grave!

"OH YEAH!"

- The Kool-Aid Guy

"We're not just sure, we're HIV positive."

- Erik, South Park

"...uh oh, bit of a kuhfuffle here!"

-John Oliver, Terrifying Times

"...If you're wondering how much balls it takes to say a thing like that; it takes three balls."

-John Oliver, Terrifying Times

"Is it a jackel? It's a jackel!"

-Dear God, I Have No Freakin' Clue.

Most Loved Pairings

Harry Potter:

Harry Potter/Severus Snape, HPSS, Snarry - Sexy Potions Master Shags Innocent Little Student Over Desk.

Harry Potter/Draco Malfoy, HPDM - The Rivals Thing.

Harry Potter/Tom Marvolo Riddle, HPLV - There is on way I can justify this pairing. I love it all the same.

Harry Potter must always be a bottom.

There is no such thing as too kinky.

Magic wizards have gigantic wands. Their wood is long and supple.

I can not be banned for sexual inuendo. In your endo.

Scrubs:

JD/Dr.Cox, John Dorian/Percival Cox - cause the mentor/protegee thing is always sexeh. And Perry is obviously overcompensating.

JD/Janitor, John Dorian/?? - The sexual tension is almost palpable... and come on, didn't we all see this coming?

JD/One of the random male characters of the week, Example: JD/Nick. - Variety is the spice of life.

John Dorian must always be a bottom.

Bambi is inviting you to molest him as long as you cuddle him afterwards.

There are too many big bad semes on set for there not to be slash going on.

The Dresden Files:

Harry/Bob, Harry Blackstone Copperfeild Dresden/Hrothbert of Bainbridge - Bob is a sexy british ghost and Harry is his innocent little protegee... what more is there to be said? Teacher/Student, Ghost/Wizard, Man/Man...

Harry Dresden must always be a bottom.

All wizards named Harry must be bottoms, in general.

Especially if they make you squee in rabid yaoi fangirl delight.

Most Hated Pairings

Harry Potter:

Ronald Weasely/Hermione Granger - This pairing is so cliched and awful it makes me want to bitch slap Ron and strangle Hermione with the umbilicle cord of one of her many freaking Weasely babies. Just awful.

Anyone with Ron.

Anyone with Hagrid.

Anyone with Dumbledore.

Anyone with Anyone that isn't Harry (Barring Sirius/Remus and Fred'n'George).

Scrubs:

All but JD/Perry, JD/Janitor or JD/Random Dude.

Joke of the Week

Michael Jackson Week!

What do Michael Jackson and sushi have in common?

They both come on little white crackers.

... I know, it's horrible.

Weird Quotes And Thoughts by Me:

Why do people always associate vampires with graveyards? I imagine to them it would be like being in a garbage dump after lunch, full of empty food wrappers...

-right after I've said something gayish-

"That sounded alot less gay in my head."

-fRoM mE!!

Always the ostrich, never the eagle.

-Me again...
--

A true chess master is someone who
completely sucks at chess, because
they're too busy planning out the
life of the person across the board
from them.

~ Me

Gosh, Mrs. Lovett really is naive... "Ooh, let's get married, even though both of us are technically still married, I lied to you about your half-crazy-not-dead-wife, and we make pies out of dead bodies in my basement!" That, my friend, is the meaning of the phrase "ignorance is bliss".

~ Me, on the subject of Sweeney Todd and Mrs. Lovett, from the musical/movie Sweeney Todd, the Demon Barber of Fleet Street.

"I guess I'm the kind of person who gathers up all the 'naughty' kids who got coal for Chrismas, and throws them a barbaque."

~Me - sad but true. I'm a softy (who just happens to be traumatized by the receiving of coal on more than one holiday occasion).

My sister also has an acount on here, siriusly lupine. A Remus-addicted, romance-a-holic, with an intolerance for most food and unhappy endings. If she is reading this right now, she is probably embarassed. Hey Lauri, my dear sister!

Also, my cousin Britany is here on harrypotterfan1. She is a very dedicated author, and is well on her way to becoming the new J.K Rowling herself! She has several original works. She also thinks I'm weird for thinking Snape has a sexy voice. You KNOW I'm right, Brit!!

Fics in progress...

The Porclain Child - Naruto - In progress, ch7 up. I have, indeed, updated! The collective community gasps in shock, I'm sure.

Shaded Meanings - Harry Potter - I have updated! Chapter three is posted. OH HOLD, until I get inspiration.

Control Freak - Fairly Odd Parents - In progress, ch2 up. OH HOLD, until I get inspiration.

A Warm Presence, Will You Stay? - Scrubs - In progress, ch2 up. Will be continued soon.

Belonging & Rescue - HOUSE MD - In progress. This is not a high priority, though, so don't get your hopes up.

Gentle Touch - Danny Phantom - In progress. THIS IS NOW MY FOCUS! Expect an update within two weeks!

Mirror, Mirror - Harry Potter - In progress. Possibly the most random thing I have ever written.

Breaking the Ice - CSI - In progress. Very "in the back of my mind" right now. It is only a two-part, though, so I will eventually update part two. Eventually.

Children Seeking - Harry Potter - Open-ended. Obviously, it is a collection of oneshot drabbles, so I will post them as they come to me.

Lost and Found - Xiaolin Showdown - In progress. Another multi-chapter - woe is me. I am interested in this one, though, so hopefully I will update soon.

Completed -

Time of Death - Scrubs

Do You Need Me? - Scrubs

Glad You're Here - The Dresden Files

Death Talk - Scrubs

HeartbeatHeartbreak - Scrubs

In Eternum - Xiaolin Showdown

Precious - CSI

Pretty Deadly Lovely - CSI

Smug - Scrubs

§ Random Stuff §

You know you live in 2007 when...

1.) You accidentally enter your password on a microwave.

2.) You haven't played solitare with real cards for years.

3.) The reason for not staying in touch with your friends is they don't have a screenname or myspace.

4.) You'd rather look all over the house for the remote instead of just pushing the buttons on the TV.

6.) Your boss doesn't even have the ability to do your job.

7.) As you read this list you keep nodding and smiling.

8.) As you read this list you think about sending it to all your friends.

9.) And you were too busy to notice number 5.

10.) You scrolled back up to see if there was a number 5.

11.) Now you are laughing at yourself stupidly.

12.) Put this in your profile if you fell for that, and you know you did.

ATTENTION! ATTENTION! I AM IN DIRE NEED OF A BETA!! PLEASE RESPOND!

I hope that you all will enjoy my stories, as thats what they are here for.

To take you into a new world...

Far from the ordinary...