fan•fic (făn’fĭk’) Noun. 1. A fictional account written by a fan of a show, movie, book, or video game to explore themes and ideas that will not or cannot be explored via the original medium. Also called fanfiction. 2. Informal fiction written by fans as an extension of an admired work or series of works, especially a television show, often posted on the Internet or published in fanzines. 3. Literature that unleashes the imagination, encouraging creativity and new ways of thinking. Such stories, written by fans, explore the gaps left by the creator(s) of much-loved books, movies, etc., relating character development and interaction in a unique, memorable manner.

Greetings, visitor, and welcome. Welcome to Crowfoot Manor. I am none other than Her Dark Contemplations, the resident author of this secluded corner of the Internet.

You may explore any room in the manor, provided the door is not locked, but remember: a turn in the dark is only as dark as you make it, and this place is almost nothing but turns. Tread lightly down the dusty corridors. I also recommend you avoid smoky, skeletal cats with impossibly large grins and any ghosts you see that have bloodstains on their clothes. To get to the west wing you must first go to the second floor of the east wing, then use the secret passageway in the library. The mansion has no elevators. It does not have a pool, either, much less one on the roof, no matter what that statue of the satyr on the third floor says. There are several staircases that go nowhere, though; be on the lookout for trick steps.

Gargoyles are quite plentiful here. One of them, a black-and-white-marbled male roosting just inside the entrance to the sublevels, can provide you with keys to the chains on the cell walls. (1) The gift shop is prone to changing location suddenly and without warning. If you are having difficulty finding the store, be patient. I'm sure it will show up eventually.

Yes, you may enter the cemetery. The rest of the grounds, however, is strictly off limits. (2)

In the event that you become lost, do not under any circumstances take directions from a moving portrait. Concerns, complaints, or ideas for a new attraction? Submit them at the customer service desk in the foyer. (Serious suggestions only, please.) I no longer employ tour guides, so if you have further questions, keep them to yourself.

Enjoy your time here. If the exit vanishes just as you're about to leave...well, tough luck.

Cash, checks, and most credit cards accepted. All transactions are final and non-refundable.

Her Dark Contemplations takes no responsibility for lost or stolen belongings.
If the item(s) in question are not in the Lost and Found, a Cheshire cat is probably to blame.
(Good luck getting your stuff back.)

(1) Use of the iron maiden and other torture devices is strictly prohibited.
(2) The mausoleum out back is solely for the use of Crowfoot Club members.