I am a big fan of Harry Potter. My main ship is Harry/Hermione. I do not like Ron at all. He is a jerk and I really don't care what happens to him. Similarly, I really don't care much for Ginny, or Ginny/Draco though I do make exceptions if it's particularly well written, such as "The Heirs of Hogwarts".

My main problem with the canon ships is that, realistically speaking, there is no way Harry would have gone for Ginny. She is still an obsessed fan girl and anyone who disagrees should first read the chapter in PS/SS titled "The Journey from Platform 9 3/4" and pay special note to the fact Ginny didn't even look at Harry until her brothers told her that he was on the train and then she started acting like any other obssesed fan girl. Then pick up HBP and read Ginny's reaction to Harry breaking up with her. She still sees Harry as a fairy-tale hero. Contrast this with Hermione and then tell me who Harry is more likely to go for, realisticaly speaking.

The canon ships were truly pathetic because I am a diehard Harmony shippier and I could have done a better job writing the canon ships than Rowling did. I would have gagged the whole way through and had nightmares for weeks afterwards but the end result would still have been of much higher quality than Half-Baked Plot Part I and Half-Baked Plot Part II.

Harmony is the only ship that really makes sense to me and the fact that Rowling herself has now admitted in an interview that things could have gone that way, I really don't know what she was thinking with the canon ships in the first place.

We Harmonians should feel vindicated by DH because the only reason the canon ships happened is because JKR forced them to happen in a book that contradicted the previous ones in too many ways and that would still require only a few minor changes to make HMS Pumpkin Pie canon. JKR says we need to reread the books but I think that JKR is the one who failed to do the rereading. You could eliminate the character of Ginny from the first four books and it would not have made any difference in the plot. Even in Ootp, she didn't really do that much.

All that being said, I am tired of seeing in fic after fic Ron's initial reaction to HHr being: "You knew I fancied her." Actually, prior to DH, a very strong case can be made that Ron wasn't attracted to Hermione. Therefore, I am challenging my fellow Ron-haters: if in a pre-DH fic you feel compelled to include a line like that, then please at least have Harry say something like "Oh really? Since when? I don't remember that conversation." In a post HBP fic that ignores DH this has even more potential considering that Ron thought he was only going with her to Slughorn's party as a friend. Before DH, this together with his other behavior meant that Ron really wasn't interested. But when DH comes along, then it turns out that Ron is actually just a jerk. While I have no problems with that, I would like to see it realistically done.

I also love stories that portray Dumbledore as a manipulator, of any stripe. Especially since Manipulative-Dumbledore is now canon!

My life is pretty hectic right now; I can't find a job in this economy. The fourth chapter of A Twins Life will follow soon; ditto for Complex Love. I also promise to eventually continue Snapshots though if someone wants to adopt it, they are welcome to. If someone would like to Beta A Twins Life, I would be much appreciative.

Some of my reviewers for A Twins Life have complained that the whole 'love protection' thing is cliche, overdone, overrated and not making any sense. I actually happen to agree; Darkness Has Banished the Soul gave me some alternate ideas and I incorporated one into A Twins Life.

My current projects that aren't ready for posting yet:

Grey/Dark HHr. Starts in CoS.

Harry Potter/Timecop crossover.

Post-Ootp: Yes, we've all seen it before. But this will be different.

Post-GoF: I really don't think that Hermione would have willingly and knowingly kept Harry in the dark.

Yule Ball: See my rant above about Jerk!Ron!

Harry Potter Challenge: My only requirement is the HHR ship. Send me a message if you decide to take this:

Dumbledore's entire plan seems based around the scar horcrux, Lily Potter's protection and Voldemort being an idiot. So what if Voldemort suddenly wised up and sent a Killing Curse at Harry say at the climax of PS/SS or in the graveyard in GoF instead of Monologuing or maybe Dumbledore arrives just a little too late to block Voldemort's Killing Curse in Ootp. Basically, something happens to remove the scar horcrux early. I'd do it myself but as you can see above, I already have so many other projects.

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I also like Star Trek, especially Star Trek: Voyager. My favorite ship in the series is Harry Kim/Seven. Seven needs a man who is patient, kind, and understanding, Harry is all of those things. I also support Janeway/Chakotay and Paris/Torres.

Star Trek Challenges: Send me a message if you decide to take one of them:

What if, in State of Flux, Seska's plan to retrieve the console had worked?

What was Seven's dream in Waking Moments?

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Obviously from my penname, I am also a huge Star Wars fan. I like Luke/Mara and while I enjoyed reading the Hand of Thrawn Duology, I don't like that they set it ten years after the Thrawn trilogy. However, I think that the whole plot device of making bad guys come back as clones has been overdone. First we had the Emperor clone himself multiple times, then we had Isard make a clone of herself and now not only did we have one clone of Thrawn but Zahn set it up so that he could at any time introduce a second clone of Thrawn if it ever became necessary. I never read the NJO series but I know enough about it to say that if there ever was a time when a clone of Thrawn would be needed, that would be it. And yet, despite all of Thrawn's work in trying to prepare for the Yuzhaan Vong, the writers didn't bring this other potential clone of him in.

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Current fics:

Harry Potter and the Power of Love: Post-HBP essay based and HHr. Will be posted in the near future. Someone on Portkey was able to point me toward brown's essay. Despite my usual trends, I am trying my hardest to avoid any character bashing.

A Twins Life: I have reposted it and this time I promise to finish it.

Shades of Darkness: On Hiatus. Will probably be scrapped and the title reused for another fic that I am writing.

Snapshots of the Future: Up for adoption. I don't have the motivation to continue this.

Complex Love: Post Equinox fic. The developing relationships of Kim/Seven, Paris/Torres and Janeway/Chakotay.

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98 percent of teenagers do or has tried smoking pot. If you're one of the 2 percent who hasn't, copy & paste this in your profile.

Ninety-five percent of the kids out there are concerned with being popular and fitting in. If you're part of the five percent who aren't, copy this, put it in your profile, and add your name to the list. AnimeKittyCafe, Hyperactivley Bored, Gem W, Bara-Minamino, Yavie Aelinel, IwuvMyKenshyPoo, Heidiplease, iNsOmNiAc BiLlIe JoE lOvEr, Black Panther Warrior,bright black stars,BirdsofPrey9832, Josephine18, Jedipilot24

If you've been on the computer for hours on end, reading numerous fanfictions, copy this onto your profile, and add your name to this list: danyan, Zutara Lover, Black'n'red'Butterfly, Enrica(real name)(i always change my penname)(tehehehe) PurpleBunniesWillRuleTheWorld, Roxxi-and-Ali, IsabellaMarieSwan123, AMSRULE, Jedipilot24

Weird is good, strange is bad, and odd is when you don't know which to call someone. Weird is the same as different, which is the same as unique, than weird is good. If you are weird and proud of it, copy this onto your profile!

92 percent of American teens would die if Abercombie and Fitch told them it was uncool to breathe. Copy this in your profile if you would be the 8 percent that would be laughing your ass off.

93 percent of American teens would have a severe emotional breakdown if someone called them a freak. If you're a part of the 7 percent who would ask the person, "What was your first clue?", copy this into your profile.

If you don't watch Laguna Beach or the O.C. or The Hills religiously, never have, never will, and are proud of it, copy and paste this into your profile.

If you like chocolate as much as I do, copy this in your profile

Even when you can't see Him, GOD is there! If you believe in GOD put this in your profile

If you've ever asked a really stupid, obvious question, copy and paste this one your profile.

If you are anti-social sometimes copy this into your profile

If you spend multiple hours each day reading or writing or a combination of both...copy and paste this on your profile.

If you think that those stupid kids should just give that God-forsaken Trix rabbit some Trix, copy this into your profile.

If you've ever burst out laughing in a quiet room, copy this into your profile

If you have ever run into a door, copy this into your profile.

My best friend is insane! If you agree, or if you have an insane friend, then copy this to your profile.

If you are waiting for 'Land Before Time: The Coming of the Great Comet' or alternatively the movie where they finally grow up, copy this into your profile.

If you do not see any problem with God causing the Big Bang and evolution, copy and post this into your profile. Stop Creationism. Stop Intelligent Design. Stop the promotion of stupidity and mediocrity.

If you are American and know the truth about fascism and communism, namely that they are both forms of socialism and thus idealogies of the left, copy and paste this into your profile. Stop the Liberal Fascists that have taken over our government.

You know you live in 2009 when...
1.) You accidentally enter your password on a microwave.
2.) You haven't played solitaire with real cards for years
3.) The reason for not staying in touch with your friends is they don't have a screen-name or MySpace
4.) You'd rather look all over the house for the remote instead of just pushing the buttons on the TV
6.) Your boss doesn't even have the ability to do your job.
7.) As you read this list you keep nodding and smiling.
8.) As you read this list you think about sending it to all your friends.
9.) And you were too busy to notice number 5.
10.) You scrolled back up to see if there was a number 5.
11.) Now you are laughing at yourself stupidly.
12.) Put this in your profile if you fell for that, and you know you did.

Nitpicks in Harry Potter canon:

If Harry's Invisibility Cloak is so special and supposely provides perfect invisibility then how come Dumbledore, Moody, Bagshot/Nagini, the dementors and the Map can all see through it?

The Fidelius Charm. Rowling established in PoA that the Secret-Keeper could only willingly give up the secret and that if the Secret-Keeper died, the Secret would remain strong. She totally overturned this in DH just to fit her plot. Hello? You make the rules first and then write the story, not the other way around.

If the 'power the dark lord knows not' is love then why did Rowling have to invent a super-wand in order to enable Voldemort's defeat? What is the correlation between the two? There isn't one. The way things worked out in DH, the prophecy might as well have not existed for all the relevance that it had. The prophecy said that Harry was the one to vanquish Voldemort but that isn't how it turned out in Deathly Hallows. Is it any wonder that the Ministry suppresses prophecies? They don't apparantly matter at all but if that's so then why were Voldemort and Dumbledore so obssessed with it?

Harry grieved more for Cedric and Dobby than he did for Hedwig, Sirius and Remus and he doesn't really grieve that much in general at all. What is up with that?

Why does Harry go for the fan girl over the girl who supported him through everything? And make no mistake, Ginny is a fan girl. What she said to Harry at the end of HBP when he broke up with her is proof enough of that. Given how much Harry despises his fame, it simply doesn't make any sense that he wouldn't want to go for the one girl who sees through all the fame. So many celebrity marriages fail precisely because of this problem.

Why would Hermione go for a man who takes her for granted and treats her like crap? I'm no expert but constant and pointless arguing is not a sign of a healthy relationship in my mind. Nor, for that matter, is lust and jealousy. Rowling herself said that she based Hermione off of herself and that though she'd dated a few 'Ron's' she'd ultimately ended up marrying a 'Harry'. And yet she put the character of Hermione with Ron. Someone please explain this to me.

Ron imitating the sounds of parseltongue. Sorry, when exactly did Ron become a linguist? He's only heard Harry use parseltongue to say 'open' twice. The first in Moaning Myrtle's bathroom and the second with the locket. Ron hasn't shown any previous linguistic ability at all. I happen to know a bit about languages having studied some French and Latin and though I am not fluent by any means in either, I still know that learning a new language or even a simple phrase in a language takes time and practice and I just can't see Ron practicing parseltongue in his spare time. Also, it was implied in Chamber of Secrets that parseltongue is an inherited gift. I can accept Harry being able to do it because of the horcrux but Ron being able to mimic the sound of it after only hearing it twice in his life with five years between those two times? Not likely. The most he should've been able to realistically accomplish is gibberish.

Basilisk venom still being usable after six years? Also not likely, particularly since no special precautions were taken to perserve it.

If Voldemort was using Lucius Malfoy's home as a base then he surely would've thought to check on the diary horcrux. Evil doesn't mean stupid and Voldemort was described as being the brightest wizard of his generation. So why then, after learning that the diary was destroyed, didn't Voldemort make another horcrux to replace it and then go check up on his other ones? I can accept the answer to the former being that Voldemort was simply unable to make more horcruxes because he's split his soul too many times but that still would not excuse him for not following the Evil Overlord list and shifting the locations of his existing horcruxes and reinforcing their defenses. Then again, Voldemort ignores the Evil Overlord list in so many other ways as well.

Side-along apparation. If this is really possible, then why did Harry and the Advance Guard have to fly brooms to Grimmauld Place? I would have accepted side-along apparation as being possible if the apparator is a really powerful wizard like Dumbledore or Voldemort. Side-along apparation, however, was never explained in the last two books. And lets not even talk about Voldemort suddenly being able to fly...

Death Eaters having difficulty hitting man sized targets at 10 yards, also known as the stormtrooper effect. At least HBP provides the Felix Felicas to explain why no one was hurt but that potion isn't present in the Department of Mysteries so I have to wonder just what the Death Eaters were doing while Voldemort was sending Harry the visions in OotP. Whatever it was, it certainly didn't involve brushing up on their markmanship...

Going along with this, I reread Ootp and realized that Ginny incapacitated by a stunner, a Stunner! These are Death Eaters we're talking about. Oh but of course, if Ginny died in the Department of Mystries then Rowling couldn't have her OBHWF ending.

Taboo. Where did this come from and what is up with it? Why didn't the Ministry make the Unforgivables Taboo?

For that matter, why didn't the Ministry simply roll up Sirius Black's sleeve? Or the sleeves of the real Death Eaters like Lucius Malfoy?

Snape. Dumbledore let him ruin 16 years of Potions educations. Is it any wonder that when the Second War began, that there was serious shortage of Aurors, Healers and other careers requiring Potions. No wonder the Ministry was so easily taken over...

Harry's scar being a horcrux ties up one plot thread but opens a new can of worms, namely if Quirrel was burned merely for having Voldemort inside him (the ostensible reason for why Voldemort wanted Harry's blood in the ritual) then how is it that Harry could carry around a piece of Voldemort's soul inside him for over sixteen years and have nothing at all happen to it until Voldemort's Killing Curse in DH? Shouldn't Lily Potter's protection have destroyed it? Or couldn't it have been destroyed when Harry used love to end Voldemort's possession of him in Ootp? And why did we never see Harry use the power of love ever again? And why was Occlumency suddenly no longer important? I'll say why... because Rowling wanted Harry to have access to Voldemort's mind because the plot of DH required that but she didn't want it to be the other way around because then Harry could be manipulated. In the context of DH and even HBP, Ootp was totally irrelevant. The prophecy might as well have not existed for all the relevance that it had.

Never mind the fact that I really doubt you could carry around a piece of Voldemort's soul inside you for years and years and have it not affect you at all. If the locket had the effect that it did on the trio, then the scar should've had an even greater effect on Harry. A story that explains this is 'Harry Potter and the Curse of a Soul' by reckoner929.

Dumbledore claimed that he didn't think he could be trusted in a position of power as the ostensible reason why he never took the job of Minister of Magic. Rowling seems to have totally forgotten all the titles she loaded him up with in PS/SS: in addition to being the Headmaster of Hogwarts, Dumbledore was also the Chief Warlock of the Wizengamot (the legislature and judiciary all rolled into one), the Supreme Mugwump of the ICW (the Magical UN) and the Grand Sorcerer of the Order of Merlin. And yet he seems to hold himself as totally unaccountable whenever the Ministry screws up. Someone should ask Rowling about this problem in her next interview. It'd be interesting to see how she'd respond.

The Unforgivables in DH: Suddenly everyone's using them and the Death Eaters are training students to use them, even Neville Longbottom and Harry's other allies. Stupid, stupid, stupid. Why didn't Voldie just have all of Harry's allies killed? And I find it hard to believe that he could've taken over the Ministry so easily without something else going on that we weren't told about.

Memory Charms: Really there isn't much of a difference between what Hermione did to her parents and what she did to the Death Eaters.

Possession: Ginny claims not to remember the diary possessing her. The diary itself also makes this claim. Yet, Harry's experience in the DoM when Voldemort possesses him is very different. He is perfectly aware the whole time of what is going on. Either the diary made Ginny forget afterwards...or both Ginny and the diary lied. A case could reasonably be made for either one but we do know that Ginny is capable of lying to her own mother with a straight face and that she wrote in the diary despite all the warnings her father had given her. Not only that but she stole it back and wrote in it again after trying to get rid of it. What does that say about Ginny's character?

In HBP, Voldemort was blocking Harry out of his his mind with Occlumency. What on earth possessed him to stop doing that in DH?

Silent spellcasting: Introduced in Ootp. Important in HBP. Totally neglected in DH. WTF??

In DH, Harry turned out to not be a hero at all. All along he was being shaped to become a marytr because Dumbledore was too lazy to train him properly. If anyone says that Dumbledore didn't have enough time to train Harry a lot, to that I reply: Well Dumbledore certainly had enough time to be the Headmaster of Hogwarts, the Chief Warlock of the Wizengamot, the Supreme Mugwump of the ICW and the Grand Sorcerer of the Order of Merlin all at the same time! If that left Dumbledore with too little time to train Harry properly, then its nobody's fault but his own. If anyone who says that Harry couldn't have been trained to defeat Voldemort in seven years, to that I reply: Harry as a thirteen year old conjured a fully corporeal Patronus that was powerful enough to drive off over a hundred dementors. Then, as a fourteen year old, he threw off Voldemort's Imperious Curse without any training in Occlumency at all. Weak? Harry was anything but weak! Therefore, Dumbledore was either senile, stupid, lazy or a MOB deliberately promoting mediocrity.

Rowling claims not to like stories with contradictions and inconsistency. Right...what has she been smoking?

Nitpicks from reading too much Harry Potter fanfiction:

Banishing Charms are the opposite of Summoning Charms, they send objects flying away from you. Far too many fics, however, describe the act of 'Banishing' something in a context more appropriate for a Vanishing Spell. I, however, usually put this down to the influence of D&D. Feel free disagree with me of course.

Spelling and punctuation. No need to elaborate here.

Describing a spell by using the incantation when a name has already been provided for that spell. Examples include saying the 'Crucio curse' instead of the 'Cruciatus curse' and the 'stupefy spell' instead of the stunner.

Unrealistic descriptions. Smutty fics are particularly notorious for this.

And that brings me to my next nitpick, smut at unrealistic ages. Really now, if there is going to be smut in your fic then at least make the characters decent ages, at least sixteen and even then only after lengthy ship development.

Changes to characters. This goes along with the above two nitpicks but I really don't like fics in which Hermione suddenly becomes a perfect 10. She has always struck me as being more of a 'girl-next-door' type and if I recall, she only described as being physically attractive at the Yule Ball. Going along with this is personality changes. For example Hermione only allowed a 20 foot giant who couldn't speak very good English to abbreviate her name, she never tolerated it otherwise and even forced Viktor Krum to at least come to an approximately correct pronunciation for her name. I can relate to this from personal experience. My name is Benjamin and I never allow anyone to abbreviate it to 'Ben', those who try are quickly corrected. Most of the other members of my family are much the same. Similarly, Hermione is a strong-willed women and isn't about to start liking Quidditch just because she starts dating a Quidditch player; she doesn't even take the time to correctly pronounce 'Wronski feint'. The only reason she even goes to the games is because of Harry. Snogging him for winning sure but debating the finer points of the game in a casual conversation? In the words of one of my least favorite characters, not bloody likely.

A relationship should, in my opinion, develop at the same rate as the rest of the plot. Lines like 'I've loved you since first year' are simply not acceptable. They're teenagers for crying out loud. That being said, there are also fics which take far too long simply getting them together like Vox Coporis by MissAnnThropic. Going along with this post HBP fics, even those which use love potions to explain H/G, should still take some time to set up HHr. A good example of this is Harry Potter and the Lost Demon by Angry Hermione. Though there are hints of HHR early on, it takes awhile (but not too long) for it to really develop and even longer to fully set things right. Post-HBP fics also have to deal with the fact that Hermione spent the better part of that fic--erm-book chasing Ron and it has to be dealt with in a reasonable manner. A good example of a fic that does this is Hermione's Plan by chem prof. It goes unsaid that this would also apply to post-DH fics.

The careers of Harry's parents. Many fanfic writers make them Aurors, conviently forgetting that Auror training takes three years. If you are going to go this route, then at least also include a mention of an accelerated wartime training program. Otherwise, there just isn't enough time between Lily and James graduation for them to then defy Voldemort three times and for the prophecy to then be made by Trelawny prior to Harry's birth on July 31st 1980.

I have read at least three fics where Harry claims that Dumbledore in HBP said that he'd make the D.A. an offical club but then totally forgot about it. I don't remember reading that part, could someone kindly point me to it.

Fics that I would like to see revived:

'Harry Potter & Hermione Granger - Dark Lord & Dark Lady' by fashiZzlism. A response to Jayu's Dark Harry challenge on Portkey.

'I won't forgive you' by CodeWarrior. Another response to Jayu's Dark Harry challenge.

'The Rise of the Gray Lord' by TheDarkestAngel 16. Post Ootp. Harry becomes more powerful over the summer but without any cliche 'glowing at midnight on his birthday' but rather through hard work and more than a few risks.

'The Fourth Power' by fullsailnate.

'The Rebirth of the Viper Order' by cooldamien

'Broken Time, Deal with a Devil, Future Imperfect and Future's end' all by Blood-Foxes-Revenge. Harry is more proactive in his changes to the timeline.

'Averto Vicis' by Ladie Smoothie. Again, Harry is very proactive in this fic.

'Time, Interrupted' by Madm05. Instead of Harry going back in time, it is Hermione. This is a slow-moving fic but still interesting and Hermione is proactive in her changes. This fic also, unlike so many other time travel fics, takes into account the ripple effect.

'Black Vengeance' by maidros78. Post Ootp fic that explores, among other things, why the Death Eaters couldn't seem to hit a man sized target at 10 yards. Google 'Evil Overlords list' to understand what I mean.

Fics that I would like to see a sequel to:

'The Real Ending to Deathly Hallows' by Debalice. Very unusual and weird but original.

'The Ripple Effect' by Lady Salazar. Screw around with time and time will screw around with you. Hermione learns this lesson the hard way.

'The Attempt to Change' by La Luna Negra. A time travel fic about how some things are just inevitable no matter what you try to do.

Fics that I think are just hilarious:

BRUSH WITH A BASILISK, by Gilderoy Lockhart by aims80 This fic perfectly captures the character of Gilderoy Lockhart. As the title suggests, it is his take on the events of Chamber of Secrets.

Dudders' Adventure by BajaB.

Romilda Vane Gets Her Man by Karshtakavaar. Trust me, it's a lot better than the title makes it sound though also a bit dark.

What He Heard by Flamyrre. What exactly did Dudley hear when the dementors attacked?