WARNING: if you are easily offended, or if you have heart conditions, you should not read further.

You have been warned.

My profile is all beans, all the time. And then some.

This profile is FBI protected.

I am clearly not Flame Rising.

For more tournament information, please PM me.

I am avatarjk137 (as far as you know). I am a male college freshman in the South Florida area. If you take THE TEST, you can guess my interests: video games, Magic: The Gathering, music of various forms, anime & manga, other cartoons, some non-cartoon TV, not dressing fancy. Oh yeah, and fanfiction, and good fiction in general. If I told you more, I'd have to make you wish you were never born (or, if you are a clear thinker, wish I was never born).

I am now officially declaring myself head of the FBI. And by that, I mean Fanfiction Bureau of Insanity. What were you thinking of? Anyway, if you would like to join this FBI, please PM me. Perks include calling in your fellow agents on those you think are the scourge of this site, and also claiming to be in the FBI. Current members: avatarjk137 'avatar'; Reds Owshad Dark, Yellowfur, GameTycoon, RiccoThePenguin, Rainella, Animexshadow007, The Shadow Syndicate, Movie-Brat, Dignifize, Warrior of Fanfiction, Alter Shead, Crazy Flamie -211 Atoms Left-, WhisperToMeSoftly, Victor Delta Kitsune, Gakuen, Kawaii Nekomimi, Strelitzia, Skipper1313, Magnum Overdrive, propheticlion, petrelliheiress.

Interested in my tournament, A Winner Is Two: A Survivalist Is You!? Go check it out here!

Reason for my pen name: an avatar is defined as 'an incarnation or embodiment' (as well as being an extremely cool word). Since this is my web incarnation, as opposed to the actual me, avatar fits. JK is my real-life initials (a precious hint to my actual identity! OMG!). 137 is my lucky number (a combo of 13 and 7, the traditional lucky and unlucky numbers in American society).

If you are on fanfiction.net for some other reason than writing pure romance fics or totally rearranging the original story because some slash romance story didn't happen, and you're getting tired of the people who are, copy this and paste it onto your profile.

If you think the Rabbit should kill the kids who won't give him Trix, copy and paste this into your profile.

If you realize that this ain't a scene, it's an arms race, copy and paste this into your profile.

If you realize Empire Records didn't suck, copy and paste this into your profile.

If you don't use Myspace and are proud enough to make it public, copy and paste this into your profile.

98 percent of the teenage population does or has tried smoking pot. If you don't believe this statistic, copy and paste this into your profile.

If you don't watch Laguna Beach or the O.C. or The Hills religiously, never have, never will, and are proud of it, copy and paste this into your profile.

If you know there's more to good random humor than saying "cheese", "fudge", or "pie", copy and paste this into your profile.

BYAKUGAN!! (Whoosh)

If you have four fingers and an opposable thumb on one or more hands, copy and paste this into your profile.

Experts say that if Hollister and Abercrombie said it wasn't cool to breathe anymore, 92 percent of the teen population would die. Copy this onto your profile if you don't believe this statistic.

If you have ever run into a door, copy this into your profile.

Ninety-five percent of the kids out there are unconcerned by the dismal state of their education, or the fact that their fanfiction is raping the English language. If you're part of the five percent of fanfiction writers/readers who do care about such things, cut and paste this, and then leave reviews for those poor souls who know not what they do.

If you think you have too many of these "copy and paste this into your profile" thingies, but have no intention of stopping now, copy and paste this into your profile.

I help Yellowfur with many of her fanfics (too many to list here practically), and The Betrayal would be here if I had a profile at the time.

You may notice my fics lean toward action and humor, with some angst, and little to no romance. There are reasons for this: 1. I can write action and humor well. 2. I can't really write much romance; I've been told my attempts are good, but it feels weird coming out of me. 3. I don't believe in non-canon romances (with the possible exception of OCs). For example, Invader Zim has no canon romance. At all. Consequentially, I won't have romance between canon characters there unless an outside factor (like mind control) was involved, and even that is a stretch to me.

Avatarjk137's 7 tiers of fanfiction:

This is a ranking system of writing skill for this site. Writing skill increases with practice, time, and the effort to improve. I can rank any fic under this system:

Tier 1: Laughably bad, and rare. These fics are so bad, they are an enjoyable source of humor. Non-spam trollfics are here, as are the VERY worst actual authors.

Tier 2: Horrible. I don't read this crap.

Tier 3: Bad fic, probably the most numerous. I wouldn't read this unless the subject was something I really liked the sound of. You're getting better, but you still couldn't get a good grade by submitting this in a high school class.

Tier 4: This is a decent fic. I'd usually read this all the way through once I read the first couple of chapters. I'd send this in as a high school assignment, but college would be pushing it. On a side note, I don't think you'll start higher than this when you first come on the site.

Tier 5: A good fic. I'd read any Tier 5-er in a fandom I enjoyed. A Tier 5 fic usually contains few errors in spelling and grammar, a good story, good characterization, a good beginning and ending, and all the other basic parts that you should really have. Note: I consider my work Tier 5 AT BEST. There's always room to improve. I consider most other Tier 5 and 6 writers I know to be my rivals.

Tier 6: This is not your run-of-the-mill fanfic. It's great, and certainly better than you'd expect to find on the site. These fics are the crown jewel for a good author. Very little is wrong with these, but they lack that certain something that makes...

Tier 7: A fanfiction of professional quality. If it were original fiction, the author could get themself published with it. You've really gotta try to say anything bad about these. You can't get better than this, but the authors of Tier 7 fanfiction are few and far between. The rarest level.

Things I may possibly work on:

My unnamed Invader Zim series ideas yet to be written:

4. Race To Your Doom - features all the major players, and some minor players, in my IZ continuity in a race to decide the fate of planet Earth. Who will decide the fate of Earth... and the people who live on it?

5. Song Of The Martyr - Tak is fed up with Kloof constantly interfering with her plans, and she's taking drastic measures to end it permanently. The oppurtunity for perfect revenge arises when Kloof goes in for a hardware upgrade...

6. Twenty Long, Hard Years - Takes place twenty years after the first five fics, and is more loosely connected to them. The United Resisty-Earth Alliance is driving the Irken Empire to the brink of collapse, and an exiled savior is the only one who can save it. Will anybody go home with a happy ending?

The final piece of the trilogy of Experiment 000 and Rebel Without A Cause, Null.exe.

A Soul Calibur/One Piece crossover. After the Enies Lobby arc, Zoro finds the so-called 'Sword of Salvation' on a ship filled with corpses, and decides it would be a great new sword. Cursed swords don't scare Zoro, and neither do ghost pirates... but should they? Soul Calibur characters would be adapted for the One Piece world.

An OC-centric, long-running One Piece fic, inspired by the 'OC crew' fics of kilnorc and others.

A Lilo And Stitch/Invader Zim crossover, outside of either of my continuing L&S or IZ storylines. I've seen 3 crossovers for this. All are unfinished, 2 won't ever be finished, and plenty of good ideas are left. I'm not ready to do this yet. Any thoughts?

A pair of American Dragon fics, Dragon Rising and Dragon Falling. Currently wait-listed.

A Codename: Kids Next Door fic. I can't get that weird black stuff that gives Father his powers off my mind. Kind of reminds you of the Symbiote from Spider-Man, doesn't it? Yeah...

A Courage the Cowardly Dog/Invader Zim crossover fic. Courage was a great cartoon, wasn't it?

More Things I Learned From, possibly Pokemon.

If you really want to see me work on one of these, don't hesitate to let me know. Even one opinion could influence me one way or another.

Things I am working on, or have finished:

1. Shadowboxing: The sequel to Yellowfur's The Betrayal. When Zim tests out a Pak upgrade, will it give him the powers he need to defeat Dib, and take over the Earth once and for all? Kloof doesn't want that, so he's back to help Dib out, with a customized SIR unit. And what does Tak have to say about this? Fic is now complete!

2. Pyromania Lost: Pyro's in the brotherhood now, everybody is happy because Apocalypse was defeated 2 weeks ago. But after an attack on the X-Mansion, Pyro loses his 'crazy'. Will he be able to get it back? Who took it? And finally, why would somebody want purified pyromania? Fic is now complete!

3. Experiment 000: When a series of stupid mistakes releases an experiment so big and bad that Jumba and Hamsterviel hid it, he goes on a very well-planned rampage, and sets a clock for Lilo and Stitch until the damage becomes permanent. But, can Stitch defeat an Experiment that was considered too evil? And what roll does Lilo play in the final battle? Fic is now complete!

4. X-Men Evolution ABCs!: I'm coming up with a rhyming ABC's style fic for X-Men Evolution. Needless to say, this is a oneshot. I've selected what each letter represents, and started the rhyming (which is hard!). It should be quite humorous. Fic is still in progress indefinitely!

5. Ask the Brotherhood!: You send in questions in your review, the Brotherhood answers them. Yellowfur's OC Hunter is now a Brotherhood member. Simple. Oh, and Pyro will answer on behalf of the other former Acolytes. Twinfic is Yellowfur's Ask A New Mutant. Chapter 14 up and Chapter 15, the final chapter, in progress! Woo!

6. Dommination Industries: The sequel to Shadowboxing, which will start in a couple of weeks. The Tallest are fed up with a certain little problem, and have decided to call in bounty hunters. But only the best will do, so they bring in Dommination Industries, 4 'talented' bounty hunters who have a scary little plan... No, I did not mispell Domination, that's how the bounty hunters spell it (Domm is their leader.) Now complete!

7. The Tryouts: Master Hand has some new potential Smashers for Brawl, but he needs to test them out... by forcing the current Smashers to duel them! Mostly there for action and fight scene fun, but I like the concept! Chapter 16 up, Chapter 17 in progress.

9. Things I Learned from Courage the Cowardly Dog: My first completed oneshot fanfic! W00t! I liked the way this turned out. There might be more to come for other fandoms.

10. Things I Learned from Invader Zim: Yes, you guessed it. I can't stay away. Check it out! Again, oneshot I suppose.

11. Rebel Without a Cause: The sequel to Experiment 000. Experiment 628, who goes by Maverick, has arrived on Earth, and he's confused and annoyed, because Experiment 628 is an Experiment... but he also is not an Experiment. If this wasn't enough of a problem, 627 and Hamsterviel have decided to team up to get revenge by creating a 'dream team' of Experiments of their own. Chapter 23 up, Chapter 24 up Monday.

12. Things I Learned From Get Fuzzy: The third installment. Based on what's probably my favorite currently running comic strip. Out when it's finished.

13. After These Messages: A cartoon crossovers oneshot. Featuring Dante and Randall, and a commercial break during the movie they're watching. Complete. As for the canons I used... gotta identify 'em all!

14. His Greatest Battle: Grim, twisted oneshot. Lilo & Stitch fandom. At Jumba's funeral, something about Stitch's speech strikes Lilo as odd. She confronts him afterward, and finds the horrible secret behind the furry blue face she fell in love with. Complete; not posted due to improper planetary alignment.

15. Things I Learned From Super Mario: Self-explanatory.

16. Fox Hunting: Set after the Rescue Sasuke arc. Kyuubi's slowly threatening to take over Naruto's body. Naruto's too afraid to ask for help. Angst, and lots of action. First-person fic.

My update policy: I'll be doing one chapter a week for my 'regular fics', and my 'irregular fics' will be updated less often. Current 'irregular': my One Piece fic.

THE TEST (of your heart, mind, and soul):

If you have played Magic: The Gathering cards, add 10 points to your score. If you still play, add an additional 8 points to your score. If you don't play, but know what they are, add 3 points to your score.

If you watch anime or read manga (and who on fanfiction.net hasn't?), add 5 points to your score.

If you enjoy being 'well-dressed' (suit and tie for guys, fancy dresses and gowns for girls), subtract 8 points from your score.

If you have ever denounced video games in general, subtract 10 points from your score. If you denounced Nintendo in particular, subtract 5 more. (If you don't know what 'denounced' means, subtract 7 points instead)

On that subject, if you think the Wii kicks ass, add 3 points to your score.

Rate the following video game genres from 1 to 10 (1 being highest):
Action
Adventure
Sports
Fighting
Racing
Shooter
RPG
Puzzle
Party/Multiplayer
Platformer

If RPG or Fighting are in your top 3, add 5 points to your score. If both are in the top 3, add an additional 10 points to your score. If one is at #1, add 5 more points to your score. If one is at #10, subtract 5 points from your score.

If you have a Myspace, subtract 4 points from your score.

If you have an MP3 not made by Apple, add 3 points to your score.

If you do not have any non-romance fanfics (and you have 3 or more), subtract 5 points from your score. If more than half of your fanfics are slash romance, subtract 5 points from your score. If both of these facts are true, subtract 5 additional points from your score.

If you have never even considered voting outside your political party, subtract 7 points from your score.

If you think Ryan Seacrest is lame (and possibly gay), add 7 points to your score.

If you like rock or metal, add 5 points to your score. If you like rap, add 2 points to your score. If you like pop or techno/dance, add 2 points to your score. If you like humor music, add 2 points to your score (Weird Al Yankovic, anybody with humorous lyrics). If you like country, add 1 point to your score. If you like hip-hop, add 1 point to your score. If you think classical music doesn't suck, add 1 point to your score. Finally, if all of the above are true, add 3 points to your score.

If you like any of the following groups/singers, add 1 point for each band:

Gorillaz
Nickelback
Fall Out Boy
My Chemical Romance
Weird Al Yankovic
Black-Eyed Peas
Breaking Benjamin
The Beatles
Grateful Dead
Frank Zappa and the Mothers of Invention
HIM
Linkin Park
Evanescence

If you don't mind bands breaking up so the lead singer or somebody can pursue a solo career, subtract 5 points from your score.

If you are bringing sexy back, subtract 5 points from your score

BYAKUGAN! Add 1 point to your score for each place you have seen this, up to a maximum of 3 points.

If you never read the newspaper comics, subtract 5 points from your score.

If you lack motivation, add 2 points to your score... if you can whip up the effort.

If you are often outside the target audience of your favorite shows, movies, etc. add 5 points to your score.

If you are generally pro-censorship, subtract 5 points from your score. If you used to be, but no longer consider yourself as such, only subtract 3 points.

If you know what you want to do with your life, add 3 points to your score.

If you believe in God, add 1 point to your score. If you think people will burn in hell for not sharing your religion or for being a certain religion (or lack thereof), subtract 15 whole points from your score. How do you like that hellfire?

If this test offends you, subtract 10 points from your score. (WHAT DID I SAY AT THE TOP OF MY PROFILE?!)

If you scored 100... why the hell am I taking my own test?

If you scored a positive number, you are cool in my book.

If you scored an even 0, You're not special.

If you scored a negative number, we have our differences, but I'm sure we can still get along. If you don't want to get along, you could get fucked as an alternative.

If you scored -100, you are the Antiavatarjk137. I look forward to killing you soon.

If your number is more than 100 or less than -100, you screwed up the test. See score for an even 0.