Oy what the hell is up yall. its been a while since i signed up and i just decided to write a profile (12-19-06) anyways there isnt much that i feel i should put down other than the basics

Age:20

Sex: Im a guy if anyone couldnt figure that out

Likes: ladies. Icha Icha Paradise, eating good food, getting money

Dislikes: Sasuke, Kabuto, Orochimaru, the time it takes for really good stories to update, and other things that i dont feel like saying

Dreams/Goals: to have a threesome with two other girls, to read an actual actual novel that is like Icha Icha paradise,graduate with a Doctorate Degree,Many other things that are rated NC-17...and to kill a certain man(eyes covered in shadow/darken in an emo way) lol

Favorite Charaters:

Uzumaki Naruto

Rock Lee

Sabaku no Gaara

Pein(as much as i hate to say it, Pein is a bad ass fuckin character a little crazy thinkin he's a god, but still bad ass as hell.)

Aizen Sonouske( he is by far the most badass antagonist that i have ever seen in both manga and anime. you HAVE to be badass to plan and take steps to overthrow GOD and not even really care about any sort of repercutions of slighting a god)

Favorite Pairings:

Naru/Anko

Naru/Kure

Naru/Tema

Naru/Fem Haku

Naru/Oc

Naru/Any older female except Tsunade unless its like some time travel fic

Lee/Any girl (because Lee always gets screwed over)

Harry/Tonks(if Harry is a whiny bitch at first but then gets his shit together)

Harry/Bellatrix(if Harry gets his shit together and not be a littly whiny bitch)

Harry/Oc

Parings That I Dont Mind:

Naru/Ino

Naru/Ten

Naru/Hina(though its way overdone now, regardless of the chances of the Hyuuga council allowing their heir to marry Naruto being slim to none regardless of his parentage, unless he becomes Hokage, then its a possibility...POSSIBILITY!!)

Harry/Hermione(if Hermione can shut the fuck up about SPEW and not be a condescending bitch)

Harry/other girls from different houses

Pairings I Hate:

Yaoi

Sasu/ Anybody...especially Hinata

Naru/Saku (though i will still read it if the story is good)

Harry/Ginny(ive seen what ginny looks like in the movies and im not impressed plus everyone compares her to his mom..not something i would want to be fucking if she resembles good old mom)

Tonks/Lupin

Challenge

1.)I wanna see a Naruto story where Naruto is the ultimate escape artist. I was watching batman on cartoon network, the newest ones where hes always working with a different super hero or somethin; anyways i was watching Mister Miracle and I thought thats something id like to see Naruto be able to do. So Naruto has the ability to escape any trap, illusion, ackward situation imageanable and elude capture. the botom line is that Naruto has Mr. Miracles abilities, hes able to escape against such unimageanable odds that its considered a miracle or act of god. work with that

2.) I wanna see a story where Naruto is rediculously skilled in information gathering, i mean so good people who know of his skills think it almost borders omniscience. i read a story recently that had Naruto come into possession of advanced technology in the form of some sort of uber bracelet that could scan and record anything within like a mile of his location and he used it to gather information on the goins on of the village and reported it to the Sandaime on the low low. information gathering seems like one of a rarely used skill that ninjas seem to have with Jiraiya seeming to be the only one who has any skill in it. Konoha itself needs more of those specialists very badly if all the missions that Naruto goes on in cannon are to be believe. i believe hes liberated a crazy amount of countries when he was only supposed to escort regular folk on avarage C-ranks and they all get turned to high B to A rank missions by the time its over. so work with that. what would happen to Konoha if there was a dedicated information gatherer in Konoha that monitored everything of village importance to the Hokage(the sandaime and later tsunade) would Root get weeded out early? would the Uchiha Massacre end up less bloody? would Orochimaru and Akatsuki have many if any spies in the village? etc etc. theres also the fact that Naruto would also have access to vital info like his parents identity early, him being a Jinchuuriki and most likely more jutsus to add to his repertoire.

3.)This is a more Ero-version of my second challenge(though it doesnt have to be a spin off of that challenge if you have a better way to go with it). I was watching this show called Hung on HBO and I thought, what if Naruto was a crazy seducer of women with a specialy in MILF's. from there he would gain lots of information of the goins on in the village and beyond not to mention resources and such that would help him better himself as a shinobi both physically and politically. I was thinking that Naruto was the womens best kept secret, a secret that only the elite of society know about and whisper about. his reputation is spread by word of mouth and Naruto is pretty much a made man though not many outside the know, know of it. the men would know only of man that women talk about but not the whs and the why's and such. between all the women that Naruto has helped in some way in his career(princes and such from the fillers and the movies) that by the time the shipudden starts he would be perhaps one of the most well connected and informed person on the continent. Naruto needs weapons? hes fuckin the blacksmiths wife and gets a crazy discount, he needs tips on jutsu hes fucking the top konouichi in Konoha and so thats not a problem, problems with stealth(which he doesnt in my opinion, he DID paint the kage monument in broad daylight wearing bright orange with no one seeing him do it till he was done) hes fuckin some Anbu and so forth and so forth. you get the idea. Have fun with it. P.S. Although i shouldnt have to say this as i think its implied, I will state it anyways. There MUST be some lemons in this story. I didnt think i would have to say that but I've read stories involving Pokegirls and the authors tells the readers that he wont be putting in Lemons!! Blasphemy I say!! so i figured id state in no uncertain terms that yes Lemons are a MUST!!

4.) I saw a story once where Naruto accidently gets hit by a genjutsu cast by Kurenai as a kid and because of that and an influx of Kyuubis chakra he ends up being crazilly chakra sensitive to the point that he could see, smell, feel and taste chakra after it was done so I thought lets do it one better.Naruto was born blind. Lets say something in the sealing went wrong or that Kyuubi had one last desperation shot that he got off that ruined baby Narutos eyes. anyways since sight takes up a rediculous amount of brain power to use compared to the other senses(im talkin like atleast 3/4 of the part of the mind devoted to senses is being used for sight). when he loses his sight all his other senses are boosted to rediculous levels(daredevil senses level at the minimum) and since Naruto has Kyuubi in him and with the healing ability he has and his crazy ability to adapt to just about anything he develops a chakra sense that also connets to all his other senses. this means that he lets off a sonar type chakra that cant be detected by humans that alows him to see like ecolocation only instead with sound he uses his chakra going at a different frequency than what humans can sense. he can also smell, taste, and feel chakra. this means that about 90-95 percent of genjutsu just doesnt work on him and yes that includes any sharingan based genjutsu. id prefer that Naruto be something of a medical, sealing, and kenjutsu prodigy(zampaktou). because he can naturally sense chakra better than should be legally and metaphysically allowed any chakra based attack or ability means nothing to him and he easily picks it up and can duplicate after a bit of trial and error depending on the difficulty of said skills. he cant duplicate things that need a Kekkei Genkai though, so he wont be able to manipulate his bones or stetch his body parts like that guy who fought Kankarou in the preliminaries, but he should theoretically be able to pull off ice and wood techniques as its a chakra ability and as such falls within his perview. the Nara shadow techniques and such would also be able to be used by Naruto as cannon has not mentioned the family techniques to be anything genetically related but as more of a secret technique thats only taught and learned if a part of the family.

--If anyone decides to take up my challenges send me a link so I can read it, thanks--

Special Abilities

I'm all for an AU story where Naruto has some special skill or ability that makes him bad ass. my favorite being the whole zampaktou concept and the shikai and bankai, its freakin awesome to me and somethin that i can actually see as being a real possibility in cannon with swordsmen like kisame and his samehada and raiga and his lightning swords or whaterver he called em. what pisses me off is that when Naruto gets somethin like that it seems like all his friends or aquaintances suddenly get one too and all his major enemies have one too its rediculous. it defeats the purpose of Naruto having a leg up with a special skill or ability when everyone else has one too. ive seen stories where Naruto supposedly discovers a new power not seen since before even the bijuu came into play or somethin like that, usually its something like mana or alchemy or something like that, they have chapters devoted to Naruto discovering and then training with this new awesome ability only to find out that bitches like Orochimaru and Madera not only know about it, they have mastered it to rediculous levels too so i say to all you authors that give Naruto skills and abilities from other animes and such to just leave it exclusive to Naruto and call it a new kekkei genkai or even something that only Naruto can teach to whomever he wishes.

Elemental Affinities

As I understand it, elemental affinities are based on the 5 elements of Naruto-verse(earth, water, wind, fire,lightning) and a mysterious 6th element that supposedly rare as shit that hasnt really been explained much in cannon other than to acknowledge its existence. each nin supposedly has an affinity to a certain element some may have multiple but again its rare to have them off jump, and which ever affinity you may have is the element that comes easiest to you though it doesnt stop you from using any of the other elements; for example Naruto has a wind affinity for wind so if he were to use a wind jutsu he would perform it more powerfully and for less chakra then with someone who doesnt have the affinity, lets say a person who doesnt have an affinity for an element has to spend like 20 cp(chakra point, its made up work with me on this) to perform a C class wind jutsu and their result would be like wind speeds of perhaps two hundred miles per hour. someone with an affinity for wind would only have to spend perhaps 8-15cp(depends on their chakra control) to use the same c-rank jutsu and theyd get wind speeds of about 250-350 miles per hour(again depends on chakra control) and the same could be said for the rest of the elements. then there would be those that would have null affinities which would mean they dont have any particular leanings towards an element which should exist even if never particularly stated. a shinobi can gain affinities to other elements though training so if they start with a fire affinity they can train and gain other affinities to extensive use of that element though it would take a long ass time. its been stated that Sandaime was capable of having affinities to all 5 main elements through serious training, as seen by his opening fight with orochimaru. i just wanted to point that out for all those authors who seem to think that having an affinity means that is the only element they are capable of using, this isnt the avatar universe people, everyone can use any element through training. also the whole thing about sub elements being only usable by a kekkei genkai is bullshit to my eyes. ice jutsu has been stated as being a mix of both water and wind elements, perhaps there is a kekkei genkai that would make it ridiculously easy to perform those jutsu but it should be possible to be able to train the ability though it would probably be hella difficult if you werent named Naruto and his super Kage Bunshin training methods. people forget that chakra is just another form of energy and energy as we know can be changed if one knows how

Kyuubis Power

Though I agree that Naruto should of focused on training his own chakra instead of focusing on Kyuubis in cannon, since Naruto already has monstrous reserves bigger than most Jounin before even the chuunin exams as stated by Kakashi when he said he had way more then even him, though his control sucked whick evened him out. anyways I dont like how people as making using Kyuubis power harmful to him. it doesnt make any sense. the whole point of creating Jinchuuriki was for the creation of weapons with human intelligence but with a demons power. every other container has the ability to whip out their biju in full with no consiquences other then perhaps fatique afterwards but not Naruto, his power kills him the more he uses it. I say what the fuck is that about. Killer Bee whipped out the totality of the bijus power like it was nothing and was still fresh enough to make rhymes(regardless of how bad they were) afterwards. im also pretty sure no one else had the freaking Yondaime the sealing genius doing the sealing either and again i dont think there was a god there to help pull the sealing off either so how come their seals seem better than Narutos? Gaaras is the only seal that seems shittier than Narutos and it was sone on purpose so i dont know what to say other then Naruto got gyped. perhaps it was because Jiraiya intentionally losened the seal during the training trip, which i think was fuckin stupid as shit. the only think Naruto should really need Kyuubis power for would be perhaps for the chakra and healing boost he gets. other than that he already had all the tools needed to suceed himself.

Kage Bunshin Training

Lots of authors dont want to use the kage bunshin training technique because they think it will make Naruto too good too quickly which it probably true somewhat but i dont like the explanations they come up with to not have him use that training method. theres the whole Naruto feels that he is too much like an Uchiha by learning rediculously fast or some such non-sense. Plain and simple, Kage Bunshin is a FORBIDDEN technique for a reason; why? because you need Jounin level chakra reserves in order to pull even one clone off and still be able to fight effectively, not to mention the feed back. Naruto learned the technique in a few hours and mastered it within the first few episodes. Hes the ONLY person that can Make a thousand clones like he does in manga to train. theres no one else that can use that training method that effectively except Naruto. the method was practically tailor maid for him and as such he should reap the benefits for learning the damn technique. its like having an Uchiha gaining the mangekyou but forbiding them from using Tsukiyomi or Ameterasu because it makes them crazy badass to quickly. lets not also forget that a person can train for 100 years and still get his ass beat by someone who has been fighting in wartime conditions for a couple years. experience is the money maker of ninja in my opinion. sure him training his ass off with kage bunshin would get knowledge and skills into his repertoire but until he gets some real experience to turn those skills into ability it wont really do much. he might be able to take out a mid B-rank shinobi with all the training hed be able to pull off but hed still take some serious hits in the mean time and anything from high B-rank and up would just not even be a contest until gains some wisdom. the difference between knowledge and wisdom is experience people so dont be afraid to have Naruto let lose on the Kage Bunshin training. because really Naruto really needs it, Naruto hasnt really fought anyone below an high B-class shinobi since he started his shinobi career(Kiba not withstanding) Neji was a fuckin beast in the chuunin exams (so was lee)and it shows with him being a Jounin by the time the time-skip was over. all his real enemies are S-class shinobi at the least so you cant really over power Naruto when his main opponent is an immortal shinobi that calls Kyuubi his pet and can teleport and make himself immune to attack and also has a sharingan that was dipped in steroids. If Itachi can be all uber awesome at 13 then Naruto can be that way by the time hes 15 or 16 atleast.

SANDAIME HOKAGE

is the greatest Hokage to date in my opinion. to those who doubt me i say this to you, did you see the same fight scene that i did in the anime? Sarutobi was laying the smackdown on Orochimaru, im talking 'good outside to the back and pick out a branch to use as a switch' kinda spanking, im talkin bout a 'good use the extention cord on you' kinda beating. then Orochimaru comes out and summons 2 of the past Hokages that are involnerble to harm and Sarutobi still beats them down, the only thing that messes him up is the fact that they seemed to contantly regenerate anything destroyed otherwise Sarutobi would have killed them atleast 3 different times through the fight. and then he still has the ablity to summon the deathgod and seal their souls away while still having enough juice to pull out Orochimarus soul too only for Orochimaru to somehow be able to move his fingers when everything else was paralysed to stab the old man through the chest with a highly poisonous blade. Sarutobi still has the ability to atleast take part of his soul after all that. and then you should think about the fact that Sarutobi was old as fuck, and past his prime, long past his prime, like when he first stepped down to appoint Minato he was already past his prime and he was still able to beat down Orochimaru who had the body of a 20 sumthin year old and was still in his prime and two of the past hokages simultaniously. imagine if Sarutobi was in his prime? imagine the Sarutobi who first started training the Sannin fighting the Orochimaru of today? it wouldnt even be a contest. the old man battled and survived 2 shinobi wars relativaly unscathed and was trained by two kages (the sho and nidaime)at the sametime. he is not someone to sleep on in my opinion and he always seems to be over looked. i mean i dont think people get the seriousness of the ability to know and MASTER every jutsu that Konoha has at its desposal except those that he cant use because of the lack of correct DNA. did you see how he was thowin around those high class elemental jutsus like they were nothin? i havent seen anyone else able to thow mud slide followed by a earth dragon followd by a fire dragon back to back consecutavily without so much as a visible strain. long story short there should be more Naruto fics where his abilities are more like Sandaimes than the other Kages.

NIDAIME HOKAGE

i dont know how hes related to the shodaime. maybe they had a different parent or somethin, i guess that would work. anyways i wanna say that the Nidaime is another overlooked kage. his ability with suiton jutsus are second to none. he can litterally thow a tsunami at you from thin air. if that shit doesnt terrify you i dont kno what the hell kinda life you livin. from what we have seen he seems to specialise in suiton and most likely kenjutsu because of the raijin and genjutsu due to that bringer of darkness jutsu he used on sarutobi before the old man sealed their souls away. anyways his abilities have are so rare that it would be next to impossible to fight against it. i mean how do you fight against a nin that can summon an ocean from no where? everyone else needs a water source like a river or somethin like that so its easy to fight against them by just leading them away from the source of water but not Nidaime, u'd have to take his ass to Suna to have any chance of stoppin him and even then i dont think it would work though i think it would be much harder for him to pull off since moisture even in the air would be sparce, but not non-existant so hed probably waste much more chakra trying to do it. genjutsu is also looked down upon but is deadly in the hands of a master of the art. i mean look at Itachi, the fucker made someone fight a whole battle all the while he had just woven a genjutsu over the user to make them believe they were fightin him. crazy shit. its like a fic i read said, how terrifying would it be to know that an enemy is there but being unable to sense them, how horrifying would it be to have your very senses ripped from you and turned against you. how crazy would it be to not even be able to trust what you see, smell, feel and hear because of an illusion. it would fuck people up thats what. and well kenjutsu also is awesome especially his raijin that adds a kick to his suiton jutsu. a perfect compliment to his style i think.

Senju Clan

What happened to that clan? they were supposed to be the yin to the uchihas yang right so where the hell is their clan? also does tsunade not know how to use mokuton and if not why cant she use it? they say that the Senju clan has the ability to use mokuton but the only person mentioned that uses it is the shodaime, not even his brother used it so i wanna know why that is. Senju were the top clan right there and perhaps even a bit above the Uchiha so I wanna know what the hell happened to the damn clan, they freakin disappeared. Kishimoto needs to address that cause I really really wanna know.

OROCHIMARU

Listen people, Orochimaru is NOT the greatest villain in the world. the man is arrogant and because of that is easily predictible. he literally taunts his apponents. the only thing he is good at is hiding and running away and finding young boys with great potential to be completely loyal to him. yes he is one of the sannin but he is also most likely the weakest and pretty much after the chuunin exams a whole bunch of characters were introduced that pretty much stated that Orochimaru was so weak he wasnt worth mentioning assides from him being an annoyance. i also will acknoledge that the man is a genius when it comes to ninjutsu but then again i guess anyone could come up with his jutsu if they lacked the morals to experiment on people like Orochimaru did. i just get annoyed that Orochimaru is made to be like the ultimate enemy, if Naruto manga and anime was like a mortal combat game or any other fighting type game then Orochimaru would be like the mid-level boss compared to every other villain in the series. ive read stories where Orochimaru manages to take over the world pretty much just cause he has the sharingan and he somehow manages to overcome Itachi and everyone else that is stronger than him plain and simple. makes no sense to me but whatever.

Hiraishin No Jutsu

alright people, if you have Naruto learn the Hiraishin at any point in time in your fics its game over. theres no dodging that move, its a done deal. please realise that the jutsu is an INSTANT teleportation technique. the only way i can see it not workin is if someone can get out of the way before the Kunai gets anywhere near them. i think that the Hiraishin allows for teleportation to the Kunai and certain distance around the Kunai itself. an example would be that theres like a squad of Anbu standin in a loose circle with a curcumference of like 10 m or somethin so if a Hiraishin Kunai was thrown in the center of that circle the user could take out all of those anbu instantly plus anyone else that may be up to 15m further away. i hope yall understand what im sayin. anyways im sayin this cause its pissed me off that ive read stories that have Naruto learn the move but then theres opponents that can dodge it and shit, fuckin rediculous. Hiraishin is like the closest any nin can get to God-mode in the shinobi world, if anyone manages to get the jutsu to work without the need for a Kunai or any other tag then its a full-blown God-Mode. cause really how can someone be defeated if they can not be hit nor seen when that someone decides to attack.

Village Council

I have not seen any proof that a council of shinobi clan heads and civilians exist in Konoha. I know there are the Sarutobis two team mates who act as village elders and as council for the Hokage and I dont even Know what Danzo is other than the leader of root. also even if there was such a thing as a village council, there would be no way in hell that the civilian council would have any say let alone any knowledge in anything military related so all those stories where the Hokage is getting told what to do and being relagated to just a figure head by the council or even where the civilians overruled the shinobi would never happen.EVER!! but since some authors light to have the village have a council that makes them out to be extremely important to have the ability to over rule and order the village leaders around i say this, atleast have them do some paperwork. if the Hokage isnt gonna be in charge of his own village then the real leaders should do what the leader should be doing, which is the massive amounts of paperwork that sarutobi gets stuck with in fannon, though i dont remember it being anywhere near that bad in cannon. to make a long story short there is no village council and if there was the civilians wouldnt have anything to do with the shonobi side of things and visa versa. id think it would work a lot like it does here in the US with how civilians dont know anything that goes on with the military till way after the fact and how the military has no say in domestic matters unless a time of war or somethin like that, thats what we have agencys for that like the police force, FBI and so and so to handle internal problems.

PUPPET MASTER NATUTO

Let us mourn the death of one of the greatest Naruto fics to date, due to crappy mangas the author has abandoned the story. lets all just take a moment of silence to say goodbye to a very very good fic...

alright anyways atleast he still has his Harry Potter story up. anyways heres hoping that he changes his mind after the series is over or somethin. I'm gonna go and cry in a corner for a while.

I found this really funny ass gif about what a yaoi story would look like between Naruto and Sasuke, i really did laugh alot so check it out, if you dont laugh then either you are a fangirl who actually would like the pairing(more power to you) or we just dont have the same sense of humor, oh well. http://img247.imageshack.us/img247/2399/nynjaofthenyghtgp8.gif