Jelly1029 - FanFiction.Net

Hey There. If you're reading this, that means either I've reviewed your story, or you've read my reviews. If you came here looking for fics of mine, then I'm sorry to disappoint you. I only review. But, hey! You! Don't touch that "back" button! Read on, and if you feel the need to thief my profile, please credit me. I love you all, my amazing writerlettes!
Here are the archives I read/review in: (this isn't by preference, it's the bookmark order)
Artemis Fowl
Charlie Bone
National Treasure
Percy Jackson and the Olympians
Alex Rider
Maximum Ride
Series of Unfortunate Events
Twilight (EDIT Did any of you notice that I spelled Twilight really incorrectly the first time around?)
Avatar: the Last Airbender
I'm over 280 reviews! Score!
Age: Both older and younger than you think.
"Location:" Reviewing fics, aka: making people happy.
"Personality:" You can be the judge of that one. I'm leaning towards "wise, but extremely dorkish."
Websites you MUST go to: (hopefully the URL's works)
Freerice.com - Test your vocabulary, for every word you successfully match with its definition, the site will donate 20 grains of rice to the hungry.
Freerice.com
FreeHugsCampaign.com - Learn about FreeHugs and join the movement!
Freehugscampaign.org/
WERZ.com - The world's best radio station. Seriously.
WERZ.com
Doveryouth.com - I want YOU to not do drugs.
Doveryouth.com /...
Dover Youth2Youth's Youtube page - watch what we do!
Youtube.com/user/DoverY2Y
Answers.com - the world's largest encyclodictionalmanacapedia!
Answers.com
Favorite...
Movies: Monty Python and the Holy Grail, March of the Penguins, Stick-It, National Treasure (1 and 2), Peter Pan, Transformers, Monster House, Stay Alive, August Rush...
TV Shows: Fear Factor, Top Chef, AFV, Avatar, Project Runway, Ninja Warrior, Good Eats, Two and a Half Men, Mythbusters, Attack of the Show, Brainiac, America's Got Talent, Sheer Genius, I Survived A Japanese Gameshow...
Books: Black Taxi, Absolutely Normal Chaos, The Rope Trick, The Schwa Was Here, Wicked Lovely, Peter Pan, Black-Eyed Suzie, The Misfits, Silent to the Bone, Absolutely/Positively Not, The God Box, The Night the Heads Came, Freakonomics, Sold, So Super Styling, Girl Coming In For A Landing...
Series-es: Alex Rider, Series of Unfortunate Events, Confessions of Georgia Nickleson, Twilight, Girl/15/Charming But Insane, Maximum Ride, Charlie Bone, Percy Jackson & the Olympians.
Authors: Stephenie Meyer, Eoin Colfer, Patricia McCormick, Anthony Horowitz, Douglas Adams, Jordan Sonnenblick, Alex Sanchez...
Bands: Panic! at the Disco, Arctic Monkeys, Kaiser Chiefs, My Chemical Romance, They Might Be Giants, Queen, Fall Out Boy, Reliant K, All-American Rejects, The Fray, Freezepop, Vampire Weekend, Franz Ferdinand, Eminem, Girl Talk... (all of which I have at least one album from)
My Life Besides From Fanfiction: I...
am a competitive gymnast (only a level 7 so far),
listen to music 24/7,
chew gum,
surf You-Tube,
DDR,
play Guitar Hero/Rock Band
play pool (I really suck though),
am a cup-stacking obsessee,
go around to schools telling kids not to do drugs,
try to think of more things to add to this list.
Ninety-five percent of kids the out there are concerned with being popular and fitting in. If you're part of the five percent who aren't, copy this, put it in your profile, and add your name to this list. AnimeKittyCafe, Hyperactivley Bored, Gem W, Bara-Minamino, Yavie Aelinel, Crazy Billie Joe Loving Freak, Shadow929, The Astrology Nerd, brown-eyed angelofmusic, piratesswriter/fairytobe, The Gypsy-Pirate Queen, deathxbyxdawnxgurl, weasleybabe24, ga nat nat, evil older sister, Frozenfan, EmeraldBear, Kyprioths Shadow, Ebony Rayne, Jelly1029
If you are obsessed with fanfiction, copy this into your profile: Ebony Rayne, Jelly1029
92 percent of American teens would die if Abercrombie and Fitch told them it was uncool to breath. Copy this into your profile if you would be in the 8 percent laughing their asses off at others: Ebony Rayne, Jelly1029
If you have ever fallen up the stairs copy this into your profile. (It's actually easier to do than falling down them.)
If you have ever tripped over air, copy this into your profile.
If you have ever pushed on a door that said pull or vise versa copy this into your profile.
Weird is good, strange is bad, and odd is when you don't know which to call someone. Weird is the same as different, which is the same as unique, than weird is good. If you are weird and proud of it, copy this onto your profile!
If you have ever run into a door, copy this into your profile.
98 percent of the teenage population does or has tried smoking pot. If you're one of the 2 percent who hasn't, copy and paste this in your profile.
Milk tastes good. People call me crazy, but I'm just random! If you're random and proud of it, copy and paste this in your profile!
If you've ever had a mad laughing fit for no reason, copy and paste this into your profile.
If you ever forgotten what you were talking about in a conversation copy and paste this into your profile.
If you have an unhealthy obsession with fanfiction copy this into your profile.
Thanks TotalVampire-holic!!
If you spend multiple hours each day reading or writing or a combination of both...copy and paste this on your profile.
If you have ever run into a door, mirror, or wall, copy this onto your profile.
If you have ever tripped over air, copy this onto your profile.
There's nothing wrong with arguing with yourself. It's when you argue with yourself and LOSE then it's weird. If you agree, copy this and put it in your profile
If you haven't died yet, copy and paste this onto your profile.
If you love FANFICTION.NET, add your name and copy and paste this into your profile. Rainstorm007, mysterys, Adderstar, Glissoning Raven,Werewolf5, Jelly1029
If you love rain, copy and paste this into your profile.
If you have ever had done something or said something that made perfect sense to your real friends and only caused your "peers" to look at you strangely and roll their eyes, copy and paste this into your profile.
If you've ever felt like something was watching you and then turned around to find nothing, copy and paste this into your profile.
I hate pop-ups. If you hate all the ads popping up while you're trying to read some story, copy this into your profile.
65 percent of Teenagers spend more time watching TV rather then read,.If you are part of the 35 percent who read more that watch TV then cut and paste this to your Profile.
Thanks werewolf5!
If you or your best friend is insane copy and paste this onto your profile.
If you have ever tripped when there was a "watch your step" sign copy and paste this into your profile.
98 of teenagers do drugs, and drink alcohol...put this in your profile if you like bagels.
Thanks EdwardEclipse!
I'm into THEATER & ART, so I MUST be a homosexual
I'm BI, so I MUST think every girl I see is hot
I'm a FEMALE GAMER, so I MUST be ugly or crazy
I WEAR BLACK, so I MUST be a goth
I'm YOUNG, so I MUST be naive
I'm SOUTHERN, so I MUST be white trash
I SPEAK MY MIND, so I MUST think I'm better
I'm OVERWEIGHT, so I MUST have a problem with self control
I'm WICCAN, so I MUST be a devil-worshiping baby killer
I SUCK MY OWN BLOOD FROM WOUNDS, so I MUST have a vampire fetish
I'm a GOOD LIAR, so I MUST be an actor/actress
I'm a BLACK BELT, so I MUST always want to kick someone's butt
I'm a FEMALE BLACK BELT, so I MUST be a lesbian
I LIKE TO BE MYSELF, so I MUST be cocky and arrogant
I'm FRENCH, so I MUST be homosexual
I'm a BOHEMIAN, so I MUST be a lazy drug addict
I LOVE ANIMALS, so I MUST be a vegetarian
I'm a TREEHUGGER, so I MUST be a drug addicted hippie
I'm INTO JIMI HENDRIX, so I MUST be on drugs
I'm a MUSICIAN, so I MUST not be doing anything with my life
I have GOOD GRADES, so I MUST be a nerd or suck-up
I have GREEN SKIN, so I MUST be a wicked witch
I'm DIFFERENT, so I MUST just want attention
I'm an ACTOR/ACTRESS, so I MUST be mean
I haven't EVER HAD A BOYFRIEND, so I MUST be a unromantic
I'm THIN, so I MUST have an eating disorder
I'm BLONDE, so I MUST be a stupid ditz
I'm a BRUNETTE, so I MUST be a smart alec
I HAVE A LOT OF GUY FRIENDS so I MUST be dating them all
I'm GAY, so I MUST have AIDS
I'm ASIAN, so I MUST love math
I'm BLACK, so I MUST be on welfare
I'm PUNK, so I MUST slit my wrists
I'm RICH, so I MUST be a conceited snob
I'm ARAB, so I MUST be a terrorist
I'm IRISH, so I MUST be an alcoholic
I'm a CHEERLEADER, so I MUST be a with a jock boyfriend
I'm a JEW, so I MUST be greedy
I'm a METHODIST so I MUST be lazy not caring person
I LOVE RENT, so I MUST be an emo lesbian with AIDS
I'm a CHRISTIAN, so I MUST hear crazy God voices in my head
I'm AMERICAN, so I MUST be an overweight pig with no boundaries
I'm a GIRL, so I MUST suck at all guy sports
I like CATS, so I MUST dance like a cat in my spare time
I LOVE MY FRIENDS, so I MUST be giving them something
I'm SUSPICIOUS, so I MUST be an arrogant jerk
I SPEAK GERMAN, so I MUST be a psycho Nazi
I'm IN BAND, so I MUST be a geek
I'm a TEENAGER, so I MUST be rebellious
I have ADHD/ADD, so I MUST be a crazy-chick that you can't control.
I'm NOT LIKE EVERYONE ELSE, so I MUST be a loser
I DON'T HAVE A RELIGION, so I MUST not have morals
I'm a DEMOCRAT, so I MUST not believe in being responsible
I'm a REPUBLICAN, so I MUST support everything that Bush does
I am LIBERAL, so I MUST be gay
I'm a DANCER, so I MUST be stupid and stuck up
I'm POLISH, so I MUST wear my socks with my sandals
I'm ALWAYS SMILING AND LAUGHING, so I MUST have a great life
I DRESS IN UNUSUAL WAYS, so I MUST be looking for attention
I'm SHORT, so I MUST compensate with something else
I HANG OUT WITH GAYS, so I MUST be gay too
I'm IMPULSIVE, so I MUST be an idiot.
I'm BLOND, so I MUST be dumb.
I'm WHITE, so I MUST be prejudiced.
I WRITE, so I MUST be a loner.
I'm QUIET AND SHY so I MUST be stuck-up.
I'm AWKWARD AROUND THE OPPOSITE SEX, so I MUST be a pimple-faced teen.
I'm FORGETFUL, so I MUST be doing it on purpose.
I sometimes SAY STUPID THINGS so I MUST be stupid.
I'm TALL, so I MUST be good at basketball and vollyball.
I'm a GYMNAST, so I MUST be a wanna-be cheerleader.
I'm OVERWEIGHT, so I MUST be hilarious.
Stop stereotypes! Copy this list into your profile and add any more that you can think of. (It's disgusting that people actually believe some of these things...)
1) Being gay is not natural. Real Americans always reject unnatural things like eyeglasses, polyester, liposuction and air conditioning.
2) Gay marriage will encourage people to be gay, in the same way that hanging around tall people will make you tall.
3) Legalizing gay marriage will open the door to all kinds of crazy behavior. People may even wish to marry their pets because a dog has legal standing and can sign a marriage contract.
4) Straight marriage has been around a long time and hasn't changed at all; women are still property, blacks still can't marry whites, and divorce is still illegal.
5) Straight marriage will be less meaningful if gay marriage were allowed; the sanctity of Brittany Spears' 55-hour just-for-fun marriage would be destroyed.
6) Straight marriages are valid because they produce children. Gay couples, infertile couples, and old people shouldn't be allowed to marry because our orphanages aren't full yet, and the world needs more children.
7) Obviously gay parents will raise gay children, since straight parents only raise straight children.
8) Gay marriage is not supported by religion. In a theocracy like ours, the values of one religion are imposed on the entire country. That's why we have only one religion in America.
9) Children can never succeed without a male and a female role model at home. That's why we as a society expressly forbid single parents to raise children.
10) Gay marriage will change the foundation of society; we could never adapt to new social norms. Just like we haven't adapted to cars, the service-sector economy, or longer life spans...
If you support gay marriage and want to show it, paste this into your profile.
You're a 90's kid if:
You can finish this 'ice ice _'
You remember watching Doug, Ren & Stimpy, Pinky and the Brain, Bobby's World, Felix the cat, The Tick...AAAAAAAH Real Monsters!
You've ever ended a sentence with the word "PSYCHE!"
You just cant resist finishing this . . . "Iiiiiiin west philidelphia born and raised . . ."
You remember TGIF, Step by Step, Family Matters, Dinosaurs, and Boy Meets World.
You remember when it was actually worth getting up early on a Saturday to watch cartoons.
You got super excited when it was Oregon Trail day in computer class at school.
You remember reading "Goosebumps"
You took plastic cartoon lunch boxes to school.
You still get the urge to say "NOT" after (almost) every sentence . . . not
If you remember seeing hot tub bubbles make bubbly sounds before every music video on VH1.
When everything was settled by rock paper scissors..or bubble gum bubble gum in a dish...eeny meeny miney mo...and even better daddy had a donkey inky binky bonky.
You used to listen to the radio all day long just to record your FAVORITE song of ALL time.
"Where in the World is Carmen San Diego?" was both a game and a TV game show.
Captain Planet. He's a Hero.
You knew that Kimberly, the pink ranger, and Tommy, the green ranger, were meant to be together.
You remember when Super Nintendos and Sega Genisis became popular.
You always wanted to send in a tape to America's Funniest Home Videos . . . but never taped anything funny.
You remember watching Home Alone 1, 2 , and 3 . . . and tried to pull the pranks on "intruders"
You remember watching The Magic School Bus, Wishbone, and Reading Rainbow on PBS.
You remember when Yo-Yos were cool.
You remember those Where's Waldo books.
You remember eating Warheads.
You remember watching the 1st Batman, Aladdin, Ninja Turtles, and 3 Ninjas movies.
You remember Ring Pops.
You remember drinking Surge, and Tang.
If you remember when every thing was "da BOMB!"
When they made the new lunchables so that you could make pizza AND tacos.
You remember boom boxes vs. cd players.
Making those little paper cootie-catcher things, and then predicting your life with them.
You played and/or collected "Pogs"
You had at least one Tamagotchi, GigaPet, or Nano and brought it everywhere.
. . . Furbies
Saved By The Bell was the coolest show ever!
You haven't always had a computer, and it was cool to have the internet.
And Windows 95 was the best.
You watched the original cartoons of Rugrats, Power Rangers, and Ninja Turtles.
Michael Jordan was a king.
YIKES pencils and erasers were the stuff!
All your school supplies were "Lisa Frank" brand.
You remember when the new Beanie Babies and Talking Elmo were always sold out.
You collected those Beanie Babies.
Mortal Kombat was awesome--the game and the movie
Carebears
Gak was the coolest stuff invented.
Lambchop's song never ended.
The old dollar bills.
Silver dollars, which were cool to have.
You remember a time before the WB.
You collected all the Troll dolls
You had to read Weekly Reader's in class.
If you even know what an original walkman is.
You remember wanting to sit on the orange Nickelodeon couch.
You've gotten creeped out by "Are You Afraid of the Dark?"
You know the Macarena by heart.
"Talk to the hand" . . . enough said
You always said, "Then why don't you marry it?!"
You remember trying to collect all 150 original pokemon cards but never could and if you did you thought you were all that!
You remember Highlight's magazine.
You went to McDonald's to play in the playplace.
You remember playing on merry go rounds at the playground.
Before the MySpace frenzy . . .
Before the Internet & text messaging . . .
Before Sidekicks & iPods . . .
Before MIKE JONES . . .
Before PlayStation2 or X-BOX . . .
Before Spongebob . . .
Back when you put off the 5 hours of homework you had every night.
When light up sneakers were cool.
When you rented VHS tapes, not DVDs.
When gas was 0.95 a gallon & Caller ID was The new thing.
When we recorded stuff on VCRs.
When we called the radio station to request songs to hear off of our walkmans.
When gameboy was a brick.
You did MASH to figure out your future
When you weren't cool unless you had a Starter jacket.
Way back.
Before we realized all this would eventually disappear.
Who would have thought you'd miss the 90's so much!!
Post this in your profile if you remember these days . . . .
or if you smiled at one of these things
for the last three lists, thanks fourfourfourfour!
((((copy/paste stuff coming soon)))
The Good Ships:
Artemis Fowl x Minerva Paradizo / OC
Fidelio Gunn x Olivia Vertigo
Tancred Torsson x Emma Tolly / OC
Aislinn x Seth
Ben Gates x Abigale Chase
Riley x OC
Peter Pan x Wendy Darling
Aang x Toph
Zuko x OC
Bella Swan x Jasper Cullen / Jacob Black
Danny Fenton x Sam Manson
Violet Baudelaire / Klaus Baudelaire x Quagmires
Ansty Bonano x Lexie
Rosie Sinclair x Todd
Holly Short x Trouble Kelp
Percy Jackson x Thalia / Annabeth Chase / OC
Annabeth Chase x OC
Thalia x Luke
Georgia Nickelson x Robbie
Max Ride x Fang
Iggy x Ella / Nudge
Nudge x Gasman
Alex Rider x OC
Octavia x Ben
Fredrick x Iggy (not MR)
ATTENTION: I AM A PROUD MEMBER OF THE SUE SLAYERS
QUOTES
Stick-It:
"Dude, why do you always have to bite my moment? Did it taste good?" "Sluupp! Delicious!"
"Dude, what's wrong with being whipped? When is that a bad thing? ...Ever?" (sorry if I messed up the wording a bit)
"Gymnastics tells you no. All day long. It mocks you over and over again. Telling you, you're an idiot. If you like running full speed towards a stationary object- vault is for you. If you like peeling skin the size of quarters off your hands- bars is for you. Because the only thing more fun than rips, is when your rips get rips. It's super sexy. And floor, are you serious, who doesn't want to parade around in a leotard getting wedgies and doing dorky choreography? If you like falling, then gymnastics is the sport for you! You get to fall on your face, your ass, your back, your knees, and your pride! It's a good thing I didn't like falling - I LOVED IT!!"
Haley: Did you see that? Can you believe it?
Poot: Yeah, are you...totally covered in soda or what?
Haley: Yeah, thanks.
Frank: I'm so pissed off at that kid, dude. We were totally gonna throw drinks on you. I feel so upstaged.
Poot: I know! Who do they think they are? They think they can just hate on you like that?
Frank: It's a bloody outrage, I tell you!
Poot: They're fakers, that's what! I can't stand fake Haley haters! WE HATE HALEY MORE, PEOPLE, SO GET IN LINE!!
Haley: (whispers) Will you guys shut up?
Poot: Can I be upset?
Haley: Can I go compete now?
Frank: Can I eat? I'm so hungry.
Poot: (rubs Franks head) Let's go get some nachos.
Monty Python and the Holy Grail:
(all have to be said in a British accent)
King of Swamp Castle: Please! This is supposed to be a happy occasion! Let's not bicker and argue about who killed who.
King Arthur: (his catch phrase) Run away!
Dennis: ...Just 'cuz some watery tart threw a sword at you it makes you king!
1st soldier with keen interest in birds: Are you suggesting coconuts migrate?
Knight 1: We are no longer the knights who say "ni."
Knight 2: NI!
Other Knights: Shhh.
Knight 1: We are know the knights who say... "Ekki-Ekki-Ekki-Ekki-PTANG. Zoom-Boing. Z'nourrwringmm.
King of Swamp Castle: You killed the bride's father you know.
Sir Lancelot: Well, I didn't mean to.
King of Swamp Castle: You didn't mean mean to? You put a sword right through his head!
Sir Lancelot: Oh dear... Is he all right?
King Arthur: Who are you who can summon fire without flint or tinder?
Tim: There are some who call me...Tim.
Knight 1: You must cut down the mightiest tree in the forest...WITH...A HERRING!!
Transformers
Agent Simmons: Kinda like the iddy biddy energizer bunny from hell!
(in a used car showroom)
Sam Witwicky: You ever seen "The 40 Year Old Virgin"?
Ron Witwicky: Yeah...
Sam Witwicky: Well, you see this?
(points to a car)
Sam Witwicky: This is the 40-year-old virgin, and this
(points to another car)
Sam Witwicky: is the 50-year-old virgin.
Captain Lennox is trying to call the Pentagon while his men fight Scorponok
Captain Lennox: I need a credit card! Epps, where's your wallet?
USAF Tech Sergeant Epps: Pocket!
Captain Lennox: Which pocket?
USAF Tech Sergeant Epps: MY BACK POCKET!
Captain Lennox: You got like ten back pockets!
USAF Tech Sergeant Epps: LEFT CHEEK! LEFT CHEEK! LEFT CHEEK!
Percy Jackson & the Olympians
The Lightning Thief chapter titles
1. I Accidentally Vaporize My Pre-Algebra Teacher
2. Three Old Ladies Knit the Socks of Death
3. Grover Unexpectedly Loses His Pants/Trousers
4. My Mother Teaches Me Bullfighting
5. I Play Pinochle with a Horse
6. I Become Supreme Lord of the Bathroom
7. My Dinner Goes Up In Smoke
8. We Capture a Flag
9. I Am Offered a Quest
10. I Ruin a Perfectly Good Bus
11. We Visit the Garden Gnome Emporium
12. We Get Advice From a Poodle
13. I Plunge to My Death
14. I Become a Known Fugitive
15. A God Buys Us Cheeseburgers
16. We Take a Zebra to Vegas
17. We Shop for Waterbeds
18. Annabeth Does Obedience School
19. We Find Out the Truth, Sort Of
20. I Battle My Jerk Relative
21. I Settle My Tab
22. The Prophecy Comes True
Hades raised an eyebrow. When he sat forward in his throne, shadowy faces appeared in the folds of his black robes, faces of torment, as if the garment were stitched of trapped souls from the Fields of Punishment, trying to get out. The ADHD part of me wondered, off-task, whether the rest of his clothes were made the same way. What horrible things would you have to do in your life to get woven into Hades's underwear?
The headmaster had threatened me with death by in-school suspension if anything bad, embarrassing, or even mildly entertaining happened on this trip.
She looked at me skeptically, and I realized it was my fault. I'd made water shoot out of bathroom fixtures. I didn't understand how. But the toilets had responded to me. I had become one with the plumbing.
"Percy,"Grover cut in, "if you were Zeus, and you already thought your brother was plotting to overthrow you, then your brother suddenly admitted he had broken the sacred oath he took after World War II, that he's fathered a new mortal hero who might be used as a weapon against you...Wouldn't that put a twist in your toga?"
Grover went flying sideways down the hill like a possessed lawn mower, heading towards the van.
"Braccas meas vescimimi!"I yelled. I wasn't sure where the Latin came from. I think it meant "Eat my pants!"
In a way, it's nice to know that there are Greek gods out there, because you have someone to blame when things go wrong. For instance, when your walking away from a bus that's just been attacked by monster hags and blown up by lightning, and it's raining on top of everything else, most people would think that's just really bad luck; when you're a half-blood, you understand that some divine force is really trying to mess up your day.
Even from far away, I could see people being chased by hellhounds, burned at the stake, forced to run naked through cactus patches or listen to opera music.
Sea of Monsters chapter titles
1. My Best Friend Shops for a Wedding Dress
2. I Play Dodgeball with Cannibals
3. We Hail the Taxi of Eternal Torment
4. Tyson Plays with Fire
5. I Get a New Cabin Mate
6. Demon Pigeons Attack
7. I Accept Gifts from a Stranger
8. We Board the Princess Andromeda
9. I Have the Worst Family Reunion Ever
10. We Hitch a Ride with Dead Confederates
11. Clarisse Blows Up Everything
12. We Check In to C.C.'s Spa & Resort
13. Annabeth Tries to Swim Home
14. We Meet the Sheep of Doom
15. Nobody Gets the Fleece
16. I Go Down with the Ship
17. We Get a Surprise on Miami Beach
18. The Party Ponies Invade
19. The Chariot Race Ends with a Bang
20. The Fleece Works Its Magic Too Well
Anaklusmos. Riptide. I thought about uncapping it, but something held me back. I hadn't used Riptide for so long... Besides, my mom made me promise not to use deadly weapons in the apartment after I'd swung a javelin the wrong way and taken out her china cabinet.
Nunley was about a million years old, with bifocals and no teeth and a greasy wave of gray hair. He reminded me of the Oracle and Camp Half-Blood -- which was a shrived-up mummy -- except Coach Nunley moved a lot less and never billowed green smoke. Well, at least not that I'd observed.
"Laistrygonians. The monsters in the gym. They're a race of giant cannibals who live in the far north. Odesseus ran into them once, but I'd never seen them as far south as New York before."
"Laistry-- I can't even say that. What would you call them in English?"
She thought about it for a moment. "Canadians," she decided.
Mythologically speaking, if there's anything I hate worse than trios of old ladies, it's bulls.
Ever come home and found your room messed up? Like some helpful person (hi, Mom) has tried to "clean" it, and suddenly, you can't find anything? And even if nothing is missing, you get that creepy feeling like somebody's been looking through your private stuff and dusting everything with lemon furnature polish?
I woke to a ship's whistle and a voice on the intercom -- some guy with an Australian accent that sounded way too happy.
"Good morning passengers! We'll be at sea all day today. Excellent weather for the poolside mambo party! Don't forget million-dollar bingo in the Kraken Lounge at one o'clock, and for our special guests, disemboweling practice on the Promenade!"
Tyson groaned, still half asleep. He was lying facedown on the couch, his feet so far over the edge that they were in the bathroom. "The happy man said...bowling practice?"
I hoped he was right, but then there was an urgent knock on the suite's interior door. Annabeth stuck her head in -- her blond hair a rat's nest. "Disemboweling practice?"
I looked over at Tyson and said, "Now."
Thank the gods he understood. He turned and smacked Oreius thirty feet backwards into the swimming pool, right into the middle of a zombie tourist family.
"Ah!" The kids yelled in unison. "We are not having a blast in the pool!"
"You guys are so much alike, it's scary. I mean, either you would've been best friends or you would've strangled each other."
"Don't you ever feel that way? Like you could do a better job if you ran the world?"
"Um...no. Me running the world would kind of be a nightmare."
"Stop!" Grover pleaded. "Don't eat me raw! I--I have a good recipe!"
I reached for my sword, but Annabeth hissed, "Wait!"
Polyphemus was hesitating, a boulder in his hand, ready to smash his would-be bride.
"Recipe?" He asked Grover.
"Oh y-yes! You don't want to eat me raw. You'll get E coli and botulism and all sorts of horrible things. I'll taste much better grilled over a slow fire. With mango chutney! You could go get some mangos right now, down there in the woods. I'll just wait here."
The monster pondered this. My heart hammered against my ribs. I figured I'd die if I charged. But I couldn't let the monster kill Grover.
"Grilled satyr with mango chutney," Polyphemus mused. He looked back at Clarrise, still hanging over a pot of boiling water. "You a satyr too?"
"No, you overgrown pile of dung!" She yelled. "I'm a girl! The daughter of Ares! Now untie me so I can rip your arms off!"
"Rip my arms off," Polyphemus repeated.
"And stuff them down your throat!"
"You got spunk."
In his frenzy to find his old enemy, he forgot about resealing the cave entrance. Apparently, he didn't even stop to consider the fact that Annabeth's voice was female, whereas the first Nobody had been male. On the other hand, he's wanted to marry Grover, so he couldn't have been all that bright about the whole male/female thing.
I rode on Chiron's back, but we didn't talk much, especially about Kronos. I knew it had been difficult for Chiron to tell me. I didn't want to push hime with more questions. I mean, I've met plenty of embarassing parents, but Kronos, the evil titan lord who wanted to destroy the Western Cilivlization? Not the kind of dad you invited to school for career day.
Titan's Curse chapter titles
1. My Rescue Operation Goes Very Wrong
2. The Vice-principal Gets a Missile Launcher
3. Bianca di Angelo Makes a Choice
4. Thalia Torches New England
5. I Make an Underwater Phone Call
6. An Old Dead Freind Comes to Visit
7. Everybody Hates Me But the Horse
8. I Make a Dangerous Promise
9. I Learn How to Grow Zombies
10. I Break a Few Rocket Ships
11. Grover Gets a Lamborghini
12. I Go Snowboarding with a Pig
13. We Visit the Junkyard of the Gods
14. I Have a Dam Problem
15. I Wrestle Santa's Evil Twin
16. We Meet the Dragon of Eternal Bad Breath
17. I Put on a Few Million Extra Kilograms
18. A Friend Says Goodbye
19. The Gods Vote How to Kill Us
20. I Get a New Enemy for Christmas
General Quotes
"Ford! You're turning into an infinite number of penguins!" -- Hitchhicker's
"Your mother's cousin's hairdresser's face has a cat!" -- My response to "Your mother's cousin's hairdresser's face."
"Your mental has side-bangs." --My comeback when my friend (who hates her side-bangs) called me mental
"Hey, that music could be considered educational!" --It was crappy hip-hop, for your information.
"It's like Betty Crocker and Charles Manson had a love child, and he's cooking for me." --Anthony Bourdain, Top Chef
"You can have a part of my liver anytime, sweetie." -- Super Size Me - Morgan Spurlock's mother
"I don't understand...they say you're not allowed to have pinatas that look like real people, but in Mexico we do it all the time."
--Pedro - Napoleon Dynamite
"You look like a super-nerd! Made in a labratory from parts of lesser nerds!" --Triumph (comic insult dog) at a Star-Wars convention
"Life is like a bad haircut. At first it looks awful, then you kind of get used to it, and before you know it, it grows out and you gotta get another haircut that maybe won't be so bad, unless of course you keep going to SuperClips, where the hairstylists are so terrible they oughta be using safety scissors, and when they're done it like your head got caught in a ceiling fan. So life goes on, good haircut, bad haircut, until you finally go bald, and it don't matter no more.
I told this wisdom to my mother, and she said I oughta put it in a book, then burn it. Some people just can't appreciate the profound." --The Schwa Was Here
"Before you insult someone, walk a mile in their shoes. Then when you call them something, you're a mile away and have their shoes." -- Anonymous
"Coffee's like crack to white people." -- Leti, Bring It On AON
"What's the difference between a try and a triumph? The OOOMF!!" -- Brittany, on a DoverY2Y excursion
Swink Sylvania: (after Phin slaps his arm) "Don't touch me, 'A-hole'."
Phineus Bantum: "'A-hole', dude?"
Swink Sylvania: "Profanity is for the feeble-minded."
Phineus Bantum: "Well, I'm 'effing' sorry I offended you... fuck-ass." -- Stay Alive
"TeeNAGer - you can't have a teenager without the NAG." -- My science teacher, on one of his many rants on why he hates seventh graders.
"You sound like a sappy calender!" -- Mrs. Anderson, on our way to Portsmouth.
"She was sure of it: awkward stages were a myth of some kind. Kind of like unicorns. Except unicorns were pretty."
-- Poseur
"You look like a cat thrown into a pool." --Jillian, via my wide-eyed expression.
"They can flip, they can twist, but they can't walk." -- My gymnastics coach.