A good chunk of the populous I know call me Spoon.
Uh…I dunno where to start, but I assume you’re gonna to be a doll and read my stuff, so I’ll tell you that I’ve never been able to title a story well (Except for ‘My Balls.’ That was awesome, even if I do have to say so myself…which I shouldn’t, because it was awesome), so when you see them, don’t be all "boooo!" M’kay? M’kay.
I have a stalker ‘round these parts, too. (Word to yo mutha, Blaspheme!) Apparently, she’s got some sort of…issue…with me, my writing, and with you (if you’re a reader of mine), and I really have no idea as to why. Personally, I think she’s just constipated. See, my dogs and my cat always get along, but this one time, one of the dogs didn’t poop for four days, and he bit the cat. Clearly, if you don’t poop, you’re a dick.
Blaspheme + droppage on head as baby + drinkage of Haterade – the ability to dookie = dick
Lack of bodily functions aside…
I’m from Illinois. It sucksss. The reason for this is that I’m not from the cool-ass Chicago area where things happen. No, I’m from ‘corn field, corn field, corn field, corn field… HOLY CRAP, it’s a BEAN FIELD!’ central Illinois. Another great thing is that b/c Obama is from here, and I’m 30 minutes from the capitol, every time the man blinks funny, there’s a special report. Soooo, on a nice random Thursday, I’ll be loving some CSI (b/c Sara will be back!)…and, holy crap, I get to find out that Obama just sneezed.
But CSI isn’t my only love; I’m also mega into this list…
-Scrubs
-Dexter (I liked it before it was on CBS, but Dad decided we didn’t need that movie channel because no one watched it. Wtf, right?)
-Reno 911!
-Family Guy
-The Boondocks
-The First 48
-Bleach (I thought my bf was a nerd, but it’s actually cool)
-Robot Chicken
-Prison Break
-NCIS
-CSI: New York (Yes, I do watch this rip-off, but never will I ever watch that creepy s.o.b. on CSI: Miami. I’m not down for watching scary-ass robots, thank ya.)
-Criminal Minds
-Doctor G
-Shinchin (simply this- fricken whoa)
-Modern Marvels
-House M.D.
-How It’s Made
-History’s Mysteries
-Whitest Kids U’Know
-Best Week Ever
-The Soup
-The Oblongs (reruns, anyway. This show needs to make a hardcore comeback. Marry me, Milo?)
-Foster’s Home for Imaginary Friends (best intro music evah!)
-Colbert Report
-all of the L&O’s
-Unbeatable Banzuke (what’ll they think of next?!)
-Big Love
-and I effing love foreign and indie films. TDCSI makes fun of me for watching them religiously.
Know what else I love? Animal Crackers. They’re the greatest thing in a solid state on Earth, hands down.
And since you’ve given up with reading this by now, because I know I’ve bored the hell out of you, I’ll go ahead and tell you that I’ve joined forces with TDCSI to become physically unstoppable (even though we’ve currently stopped…) and we’ve got, like, I dunno, ¾ of a story done. If you go review, say that you liked it, and beg for an update…a unicorn may give birth to a miracle. (Meaning we may update) Oh, we're thegreattdcsi, btw. Jealous? Should be.
So, now that you know I’m a complete idiot, enjoy all the stories. Well, not the oldest ones; those are just so sad. Even though I’m not posting right now, I’ve been working on something since August. Because of my current issues with muses being ass-monkeys, I can’t tell you when it’ll be done. Since it’s been causing so many ‘wtf’s within my precious wittle FF circle, I’ll tell you now that it’s kinda fucked up. It’s caused my best friend to question the truth behind 18 years of friendship, my bf to wonder whether or not he’s going to die while we sleep (and, really, if he’d just learn to stop touching me with his feet, he’d be okay), and it’s caused my family to look at me in a way similar to the one you use when you can’t help but stare at that guy who’s talking to himself about camels that live under the ocean. I think it’ll all be fine, though. Why? Because, well… a little obsession never really hurt anyone, right?
Muahahahahaha!
But seriously, go read.
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