what if i don't say anything at all?
i am just... me.
i'm twenty-something and already failing at so much. life passes by, blinking days at me. but i'm happy. and i'm not happy. and i'm lonely, and i'm perfectly content. and i'm all the things a writer should and should not be, in that it is experiences and the lack thereof that gives one a reason to write, a subject. maybe? or am i being pretentious? ah, but i'm not really a writer, am i? yet, i keep trying. hmm, me... i'm not random, i'm deliberate - sometimes calculating, obsessive, driven. sometimes i lack motivation completely. oh, and what's in life for me? i love howling with my dogs and talking trash to my cat, driving and long road trips, old hats and worn jackets, walking in the rain, heart-stopping music and breathtaking simplicity. and reading. a good book is all the 'fall-in-love' i need. and i do not love too-cold days and snow, wet shoes and damp socks, capital letters, holidays, telephones, the ocean, and people who won't stop and just breathe.
quotes:
"why quit something i'm so good at?" ~johnny depp, on smoking
"when a man wants to murder a tiger he calls it sport; when the tiger wants to murder him he calls it ferocity."~ george bernard shaw
"it is better to see it rain than to be in it." ~ proverb
"man is to man, either a god or a wolf." ~ proverb
"anyone who says sunshine brings happiness has never danced in the rain" ~ unknown
"i can picture in my mind a world with out war, a world with out hate. and i can picture us attacking that world, because they'd never expect it." ~ jack handy
"your eyes change color as we walk" ~ lyrics/unknown
"you must have mistaken me for gulliver." ~ miyavi
"i've a traitor's walk and a thousand miles to travel." ~ unknown
"kill a man, you are a murderer. kill millions of men, you are a conqueror. kill all, you are a god." ~jean rostand
"there are two tragedies in life. one is to lose your heart's desire. the other is to gain it." ~ george bernard shaw
"only the mountains have lived long enough to listen objectively to the howl of the wolf." ~ aldo leopold
"we have met the enemy, and he is us." ~ unknown
"when I became a man I put away childish things, including the fear of childishness and the desire to be very grown up." ~ c.s. lewis
in progress:
'To Wolf's Flesh, Dog's Teeth' - i'm doing it, i swear. it's just that it sits and rots and festers and doesn't want to... move. all the words and sentences chatting away in different tones and pitch. and i can't feel it so well anymore. "i've lost my voice." ...so to speak. and the wolf just wants to growl and the deer just wants to shy. oh, but i'm trying.
'9 Times' - i've a lot written for this. count them, 1, 2, 3... 13. ~13 parts of 9?~ only, they aren't up yet, aren't finished or polished or quite.. right. and sand seems to have taken over them all, which is okay, except that they demand more attention. and i don't know how to give that.
planned:
there are always, never plans. they just come, and they don't come, and they stay too long, and they leave too soon.
it's all a dream anyway, isn't it? and... writing hurts because it breaks my heart.
current inspiration?
'e.s. posthumous' - sometimes music is the story, i heard someone say. ~go ahead, listen to: nara, marunae pi, oraanu pi, ebla, isfahan~ :P
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