Queen: Fantasy-fiction writer experimenting with fan-fics. Whatever works, I suppose.
Dante: When she's not video gaming, that is...
Queen: Hey, I have to get my inspiration from somewhere, you know. There's a very good reason why I usually only write Devil May Cry fan-fics.
Vergil: She just can't get enough of us, it seems.
Dante: And how could she not? This is us we're talking about here.
Vergil: True...Very true...
Queen: Oh great. The egos become ever more inflated.
Vergil: Who said we have egos? This is just acknowledgement, pure and simple.
Dante: Um... Bad news, bro. She's writing in other fandoms right now.
Vergil: It will not be as good as those based on Devil May Cry. Fatal Frame, Kingdom Hearts, and Final Fantasy VII sucks in comparison to us.
Dante (grinning now): Heh. You're right there. I bet nobody will read those other stories you've been working on, Queen.
Vergil: Sooner or later, you'll realize that you can't stay away from us forever, and stop writing about them to give us the attention we so desperately need.
Dante: Yep. Axel, Yazoo, Reno, Sephiroth, Zack, and Kadaj are nothing compared to the magnificence that are we!
Queen: You're soooo lucky they aren't in the house right now. They think the same thing of you.
Dante: Let 'em think what the will. They can't escape truth.
Queen (rolls eyes): Whatever. Continue to delude yourselves while I put down my personal guidelines, okay? (Ahem). There's a couple of things to expect to never see in my fics. First of all, there will be no yaoi, no twincest, in my fics. Living with Dante and Vergil, along with all the others, kinda tends to throw that idea straight out of the water. They can get along, but... Lemme give you an example. Two weeks ago, Dante went on his usual Saturday night drinking spree. He got the rooms mixed up when he got back, and ended up in Vergil's room. Did Vergil take advantage of this? No. That was one more instance when I had to keep him from turning Dante permanently soprano. No twincest under this roof or any others. It just can't happen. Furthermore, I don't do death sequences with them. Near-death, yes, but no true death for anyone other than Eva, Sparda, or the three women. Also, Trish and Lucia will not, repeat, will not be showing up in my fics. Lady I can handle, even sympathize with. I can't stand the other two. Besides, with the timeline I'm working with, neither one of the twins will ever meet them.
Vergil: Thank the Higher Powers.
Dante (clenches fists): What was that, bro?
Vergil: C'mon, Dante. Even you gotta admit that Lucia was crazy. And Trish, well...
Queen: She tried to kill you, more than once!
Dante: That doesn't make her a bad person.
Queen and Vergil: (give Dante withering looks)
Dante: Well, it doesn't!
Queen: Whatever. Eva, I admire. She has already shown up in "Innocence Lamented, Innocence Lost" and "Devil's Heart." Maybe I'll do another bit with her, probably in "Abandoned." Trish, despite Dante's protests, will not be appearing in any of my fics. I also do not plan on doing much with Lady, definately not in the romantic department.
Vergil: Let us pray.
Dante: I'd agree on this one, Queen. Lady's a good fighter, but I just don't like women who shoot me in the head. As I mentioned before.
Vergil: I also have no interest in females who attempt to fill my body with smoking pieces of metal.
Dante: Queen's more than enough for both of us.
Queen: Awww, that's so sweet. (pets Dante)
Dante: Hey, no touching the hair outside of... well, you know.
Queen: Okay, fine.
Vergil: You're even touchier about your hair than me.
Dante: I dunno if I should take that as an insult or a compliment.
Queen: Take it as a kind of "Vergil compliment." Anyway, because I follow the timeline that has Dante rescuing Vergil from Hell before Temi-ni-gru collapses, I will also not be doing anything with Nelo Angelo. I always hate fighting with him in DMC1. So he ain't gonna be making a cameo appearance. No offense to the N.A. lovers out there. My fics, my choice of characters.
Dante: Which means that eventually all those wierdass originials are going to be showing up.
Queen: You mean Heather, Natasha, Nalasmil, Raksh, Reece, Kellian, Michael, Aeva, and Zak?
Vergil: Who else?
Queen: There's one more thing I must put down. Reviews are always welcome. I must know how my writing style works, so I can get my non-fan-fics published and put us up in a better place than this little hovel we call home.
Dante: And so I can afford to get a new leather jacket. I really miss the one I was wearing in DMC3.
Queen (points to Dante): How can you possibly ignore that face? Enjoy my fics!
Days pass...
Queen: You know, I think that sometimes life utterly sucks.
Dante: So why is this a new development?
Queen: Simple. Not getting any reviews on "Kindred Souls," "Midnight Flames," or "Fallen Angels." So few reviews for all of my stories... I tell you, it's damn depressing!
Vergil: Yeah, I can see your problem. You work so hard on your fics to try and make them seem at least a little believable, and people don't even tell you what they think of them. And the ones that do tend to be pretty damn nasty about them because of your use of OCs.
Queen: Hey, I'm a fantasy writer! None of stories outside fanfiction.net have non-OCs, after all. One kinda gets used to creating people to go with canon characters in places like the Forgotten Realms and Greyhawk.
Dante: But here, people prefer canon characters only, ever. It's a real shame; I kinda like all of the Mary Sues people have us getting with...
Queen: Eh. People just don't seem to think enough of my fics to review. Just bugs me, that's all. Although, I have been having fun with the flamers. They don't roast weenies so well, but if you douse them with gasoline, you can have a nice little BBQ.
Vergil: Or in Dante's case, get drunk and dance around the flame-fire half-naked.
Dante (clears throat loudly): Hey, you're getting more reviews now, especially on that one fic, "Evidence of Sephiroth's Humanity." So stop complaining. In the meantime, why don't you tell the nice people reading this something about yourself? Being an enigma on the site is all well and good, but a few profile details would be nice. For your loyal fans, of course.
Queen: What fans?
Vergil: Just tell them about yourself.
Queen: OK, fine.
Sign: Pisces sun with a Sagittarius moon. Year of the Rabbit
Birthday: February 25, 1987
Home State: West Virginia (yes, I am pure, bonifide hillbilly redneck! Ancestors were both Hatfield and McCoy; direct descendent of Devilance Hatfield! So don't yew piss me off, or I'll shoot yew!) (spits juice from chaw at computer screen) (just kidding about the tobacco. Don't chew; it's disgusting)
Stance on Religion: I am personally non-denominational. Mom grew up a Methodist, and Dad grew up Southern Baptist. They could never agree on a family church, so I grew up only believing in God and Jesus whereas Mom and Sis converted to Catholicism. I was educated in a private Christian school for about 7 years, but I was never happy there (being a fantasy writer and D&D player, I was a total misfit. My pen-name comes from my nickname at that school, Queen of Darkness). Nor do I really fit in with most forms of organized religion. So, I have formed my own set of Christian beliefs, and I follow them instead. God exists all around us, and in our hearts. We can worship him wherever and however we want, so long as it is respectful. Like the Father that he is, He will love us and accept us and forgive us, no matter what we do, so long as we love and accept Him in return. As such, He also exists in many different forms. Whether it be Allah, God, the Great Spirit, or Krishna (for example) we all worship the same God. We just know Him by different names, and show our devotion in different manners. And we are all the children of God, no matter what our race or skin color or sexual preference. Therefore, everybody should be given a chance, no matter who they are. If they squander that chance, then that's their problem. Some people cannot be forgiven (such as certain dictators, murderers, and terrorists...), but they are few and far between. Those aren't all my beliefs, you understand. I have combined my religious beliefs with my beliefs in astrology, but that's the basic gist of it. So whatever your religious beliefs, as long as it doesn't hurt anybody or bar anyone from its embrace, you will find no argument with me as far as spirituality.
Favorite Video Games: Devil May Cry series (yes, even 2!), Bloodrayne 2, the Jak series, Kingdom Hearts 1 and 2, Final Fantasy VII: Dirge of Cerberus, Castlevania: Curse of Darkness, Fatal Frame 1 and 2, Soulcalibur 3, Resident Evil 4, Shadow the Hedgehog and all the classic Sonic Genesis games.
Favorite movies: Doom, the Resident Evil movies, Mists of Avalon, Ace Ventura 1 and 2, Cool Runnings, Hostel, Look Who's Talking, Final Fantasy VII: Advent Children, Lord of the Rings movies, Pirates of the Caribbean movies, Star Wars.
Favorite Bands: Eminem, Enigma, Demon Hunter, Seether, Saliva, Him, 69 Eyes, Papa Roach, Linkin Park, Rob Zombie, En Vogue, Celine Dion, Spice Girls, Evanescence, Amber, Jennifer Lopez, Enrique Iglesias, Beethovan, Tchikovsky, Bach (geez, I'm diverse in my tastes!)
Favorite PC Games: Baldur's Gate series, Diablo, Doom, Warcraft: Tides of Darkness (haven't played any of the newer ones), Heretic.
Favorite Books: Too many to list. However, here are a few: Drizzt Do'Urden books (Forgotten Realms rules!), Lord of the Rings, Dalamar the Dark (Dragonlance; woohoo!), Stiff, the Devil May Cry novelizations (both of which precede the events of the games, I know...)
Favorite TV shows: CSI, MXC, Maximum Exposure, Unsolved Mysteries, Animaniacs, Viva La Bam, Pimp My Ride, Ren and Stimpy, Cold Case Files, Star Trek: The Next Generation, Who's Line is it Anyway.
Fave Mangas: Devil May Cry 3, Rebirth. Still fairly new to manga.
Fave Pairings: There's a lot of these...
Canon:
(KH): Roxas/Namine, Sora/Kairi, Marluxia/Larxene, Saix/Xemnas, Riku/Kairi.
(FFVII): Cloud/Tifa, Zack/Aerith, adult Marlene/adult Denzel, Tseng/Elena, Vincent/Lucrecia, Cid/Shera
(DMC): Sparda/Eva, Vergil/Lady (there's something very hot and nasty about this one)
Non-canon:
(KH): Marluxia/Vexen (no rhyme or reason to this one), and the occasional Zexion/Larxene, simply because Zexy is sexy! Sometimes there's a good Axel/Larxene, but usually I don't like that pairing. Axel/Tifa, Leon/Tifa, Leon/Aerith, Yuffie/Cid, Sephiroth/Aerith
FFVII: Zack/Tifa, Vincent/Tifa, Kadaj/Tifa, Yazoo/Tifa, Reno/Tifa, Sephiroth/Tifa, the occasional Reno/Cloud, Sephiroth/Aerith, Reno/Aerith (not too many fics for that one), and sometimes Yuffie/Cloud
The Ones I Hate:
(KH): Larxene/Namine, Saix/Kairi, Axel/Roxas (they're friends, I tell you! FRIENDS!!!), Riku/Sora, Riku/Saix, Sephiroth/Leon, Leon/Cloud, Tifa/Aerith, Aerith/Yuffie, any of the Disney characters/any of the FFVII characters
(FFVII): Sephiroth/Cloud, Zack/Sephiroth, Zack/Cloud, Cloud/Aerith (I know it's canon, but I really don't like it), Kadaj/Yazoo/Loz, Loz/Yazoo, Kadaj/Yazoo, Kadaj/Loz, any of the Remnants/Sephiroth, Vincent/Cid, Vincent/Yuffie (Vincent's not a pedophile and Yuffie's too hyperactive for him! There are a few good Yuffentines out there, but I usually don't care for this pairing), ANYBODY/Don Corneo, Reno/Rude, Rude/Tifa, Hojo/Lucrecia (shouldn't have had her in the first place...), Vincent/Cloud, Hojo/Aerith (they do exist, disgustingly), Tifa/Loz, Jenova/ANYBODY, Hojo/ANYBODY, Scarlet/ANYBODY, Aerith/Tifa, Tifa/Yuffie, Yuffie/Aerith
(DMC): Dante/Vergil (HATE IT!!!!!!), Dante/Trish (this pairing almost cost me a new PS2 controller) Dante/Lucia, most Dante/Lady, Dante/Nelo Angelo, Vergil/Trish, Sparda/Mundus, Dante/Nevan, Vergil/Nevan
Queen: And that's all I'm spilling about myself
Dante: Oh, c'mon! That's not all you could tell them!
Vergil: I agree. You could tell them your favorite colors, how many animals you have, the discrepancy between your violent and softer sides...
Dante: How she wears that sword pendant and black leather wrist cuff every single day of the year...
Queen (smacks Dante upside the head): Um, guys, shouldn't we get back on topic?
Dante (rubbing head): Yeah, I guess so.
Queen: Also, I would like to say that while most of my storylines (the four involving Heather, Michael, and Aeva) do indeed reek of Mary Sue-ness, I feel inclined to point out that I don't really give a damn. I put down what the muses (and Dante and Vergil) whisper in mine ear. My original plot for "My Angel" had no prostitution, no Chimera Syndrome, or her getting both of them. In fact, she was going to choose one of them and turn the other down, resulting in serious depression and abandonment by the other man she loved! However, Dante convinced my muses (don't ask me how) to tell me to stick her with both of them via a pair of twins that each sired, and subsequently turned into Chimera twins with the others' DNA in the surviving pair. I'm sorry if people don't like what I've done with Dante, Vergil, and Heather, but if you don't like it you don't have to read it. I've read worse (and not solely for DMC; other areas on the site); by comparison, this is pretty tame.
Vergil: I might also point out that you seem to enjoy putting rare diseases and genetic conditions in your writings. Porphyria for "Innocence Lamented, Innocence Lost", Chimera Syndrome for "My Angel"...
Queen: I'm planning on putting a bipolar and a klepto in another fic. Possibly a Multiple Personality too.
Dante: Oh dear God... Vergil, you got her started again.
(Queen continues listing off rare genetic and personality disorders, a glazed look in her eye)
Vergil: Guess there's only one way to shut her up. Shall you do the honors?
Dante: Of course. She is my girlfriend, after all.
(scoops Queen up in his arms, carries her away from the computer and down the hall, into a certain room. Shortly thereafter, muffled shrieks can be heard echoing down the hall, both masculine and feminine. Vergil slips into the computer chair)
Vergil: This means that they are going to be busy all night. Thank God or whoever that Queen is on the Pill. Children are not quite welcome at this house yet. Few years, maybe. But not right now. When Queen wrote that I was a screamer in "Sins of the Father," I mentioned that Dante was too. If anyone requires evidence, there's your evidence.
(particularly loud scream erupts from bedroom)
Vergil: I need to go purchase some knock-out pills. No, not for them. For me. I'm going to need them if I'm going to get any sleep tonight. So for now, I believe I shall end this transmission. Until the next time Queen's muse decides to pay us a visit, that is.
(transmission ended)
(days pass)
Vergil: Queen...
Queen: Yes?
Vergil: Who are these two and what are they doing here?
Queen: Which two? I've got more people hanging around here than just you and Dante, you know. You'll have to be more specific.
Vergil: The man with the long blond hair,the black bodysuit, and the blindfold, and the other man with no shirt, the white hair with the blue Eye of Isis on it, and carrying a cue-stick.
Queen: Haven't I introduced you yet? Come on. (grabs Vergil's arm, drags over to new guys) Vergil, I'd like you to meet Zato-1One and Venom, from the Guilty Gear games. They're my newest muses... Or they will be, once I've finished up some other fics.
Venom: Greetings.
Zato: nods)
Vergil: More competition? Don't you have enough men to satisfy you, yet?
Queen: No, these two are different. Just friends. Wanna tell him why, guys?
Venom: You may explain.
Queen: You know, you can actually talk to him if you want, but fine. Vergil, they aren't going to be doing anything physical with me like the rest of you for a couple of reasons. One, Zato hates women. Two, Venom is only attracted to Zato. No heterosexual encounters for either one of them.
Vergil: If he hates women, then why is he here with you?
Queen: Long story short, he loved a woman and she backstabbed him. Even went so far as to kill him, after he entered a symbiotic relationship with a parasitic shadow-beast named Eddie and took over the Assassin's Guild where they all were raised and trained.
Venom: Master Zato tolerates Queen because she brought him back, free from that monster's claws. I tolerate her for that reason, and because she is not like the woman in question.
Queen: You also like the fact that I end up cussing her out whenever I fight her in the games.
Venom: That, too.
Zato: I enjoy listening to the abuse.
Vergil: I thought Dizzy was the one you were constantly cursing when you played Guilty Gear X.
Queen: I actually like Dizzy, as a person. Millia I downright hate. Period. I think I understand why she turned against the Guild, but you don't betray your friends or the people who care about you. Never.
Venom: Another reason why we get along.
Zato: Morals like that could get her liked or get her killed. But I suppose I owe her a debt. She did bring me back, alone in my own body.
Queen: There's no debt to be paid. I did it because you deserved freedom from that thing. Besides, you're both cool. And great inspiration to a creative mind such as mine!
Vergil: Just tell me one time, Queen. Am I going to have to listen to them at night as well as you and whoever?
Zato: No.
Venom: Don't count on it.
Queen: They're usually pretty quiet. So it's just me you have to worry about.
Vergil (sighs): I suppose I'll move to their side of the house then. Maybe there I'll get some peace and quiet.
Queen (muttering): Drama king... Well, I'll leave you three alone now. I'm going to go beat up on Millia for awhile.
(transmission ended)
Remember, people: a good friend is the person who bails you out of jail after a wild night. A best friend is the person sitting next to you in the cell laughing, saying "Damn, that was fun!"
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