Old Gregg holds up a blank piece of paper, "-and this is as close as you can get to Bailey's without getting your eyes wet!"
~Taken from The Mighty Boosh, Old Gregg
Name: Animated Mannequin
Sex: Female
Here are some quotes from various authors either on this site or somewhere else on the internet which I like. I figure that most people put quotes on their profile page so I thought that I could help promote some stories which I find particularly enjoyable, although this is but a small collection as if I were to put all of the wonderously brilliant fics up here it would go on forever!
From Seamus is Seamus and You are Yourself by Ari Munami (HP)
Draco POV:
I was just stealthily hiding in a darkened corner when Harry came out of the classroom.
Seriously funny fic!
From Undead Secrets by BitterIcing (HP)
Harry shook his head and almost laughed out loud. Where the hell did that thought come from? Maybe he was slightly out of his mind.
'How do you know you’re out of your mind? Maybe you only think you are, so then you’re really not, unless of course you really are. And then you’d never know because you’re out of your bloody mind.'
'Quiet you.'
From Burn, Baby, Burn! by Dark-Syaoran (HP)
(Harry P.O.V for the whole fic) Hilarious, if slightly disturbing...
Pre-Hogwarts
Another case was when he lit one of Missus Figg’s, an annoying old lady that lived around the corners cat on fire after it scratched him. He’d coated its tail in gasoline he was able to steal from someone’s garage and then wrapped said limb in paper. The cat had taken off like a rocket when he’d touched the match to its soaked appendage, screeching loudly. They say cheetah’s are the fastest land animal in the world but Harry was sure that that tabby cat could have given it a run for its money.
Year 1
Harry tuned the rest out as Hermione and McGonagall talked, Ron standing off to the side looking stupid once more. He just wanted to steal the fucking stone, was that too much to ask? Apparently it was.
and
Only if fire could solve all life’s problems... well it can, but he didn’t really feel like roasting the boy. He kind of liked him.
Year 2
“Thank you Myrtle.” He said, blowing her a kiss. Harry chuckled as her whole face went dark silver and she shot off into one of the stalls. Lockhart was looking at him as if he were insane. “What? Ghosts need loving too, you know.”
Year 3
“Ladies first.” He said, gesturing towards the hole under the burning trunk. Even if he didn’t think she was a particularly attractive female, she was nevertheless one... unless she was hiding a lot more than expected under those robes.
Year 4
“That’d be right,” Harry muttered sarcastically, recovering slightly. “Give me the dragon that’s having its rags, he’ll be able to handle himself no problem, he’s the great Boy-Who-Lived after all.”
Year 5
“Me? Heroics? You have got to be fucking kidding me.” Harry started chuckling as if it were the funniest thing in the world. The Death Eaters shifted uneasily at his uncaring attitude. “You crack me up, Malfoy. Really, you do! And here I thought your son was the clown of the family.”
Year 6
Harry was becoming increasingly bored but knew he could do nothing but watch. This wasn’t his area of expertise. Blowing shit up was.
and
Harry didn’t like it one bit, but kept his discomfort hidden. “Stupid boat,” He muttered quietly. “Stupid water, stupid headmaster...” Or not so hidden.
and
“How do you like that, huh? HUH? Mwuahahahaha!”
“Harry,”
“Mwuahahaahahahaha!”
“Harry!”
“Mwuahahahaahahahahahahaahaha!”
“HARRY!”
“Mwuaha... what?” Harry snapped irritably.
“You destroyed the boat.”
“...Shit.”
Year 7
Suddenly, disturbing Harry’s good mood, Ron reappeared with an elderly witch clutching at his arm. Her beaky, red-rimmed eyes and feathery pink hat gave her look of a bad tempered flamingo. Harry liked flamingos so he smiled as politely as one such as himself could.
and
“But I must say, Ginevra’s dress is far too low-cut.” Harry was about to laugh rather loudly, not caring where he was when Ginny suddenly glanced around grinning, winked at Harry, and then quickly faced the front again. Fred and George were very lucky he didn’t spray the backs of their heads with vomit in that moment.
From This Means War by Jeconais (HP)
“George,” Harry said slowly, “did you just hurl a large, live cow at the Death Eaters?”
George nodded and looked very pleased with himself. “It’s a Muggle tradition,” he explained solemnly. “All battles begin with taunting and a cow hurled by trebuchet.”
From Death Isn't All It's Cracked Up To Be by Kinsfire (HP)
“Look,” Harry said. “Things aren’t going to be solved tonight. First off, it’s been a big day for everyone – you guys had to attend a funeral where the corpse chooses to sit up and tell off the Minister for Magic, and I had a day where I was that corpse. It’s been busy all around."
From Harry Potter And The Summer Of Change by Lorddwar (HP)
Andromeda Tonks speaking to her husband concerning Harry and Nymphadora
“Are they here yet?” She asked her husband.
“I don’t know, dear,” Ted said airily. He leaned to the side and asked, “Are you guys here yet or do you want me to tell her five more minutes?”
From The Untitled Cheekquel Project by nonjon (HP)
If you haven't read this trilogy you need to, as this is just one line out of thousands sure to make you giggle, laugh histerically and'or self-combust in unadulterated glee!
“Harry,” Hermione sighed and rested her face in her hands. “Are you perverting nature again?”
“This one wasn’t me!” Harry pleaded.
From A Seond Chance At Life by Miranda Flairgold (HP)
Harry speaking to Ginny after she tells him he should just write a letter if he didn't want the message to be mixed up.
“I hate writing letters,” he admitted. “Fingerprints removed, wax that comes from some random shop in some out of the way place incase someone tries that route, rent an owl, wear a disguise doing so, touch nothing in the post office, blank shoes so no foot prints, blurring charms and forget-me charms on my clothes.” Ginny just shook her head and gave him a look that told him she thought he was mildly crazy
Definately a story to be read, only not for the squeemish as it does have some rather graphic scenes!
From HPParody by Shezza88 (HP)
Really, really random
Albus smiled calmly and handed Harry a slim, almost flat book with a rubber band wrapped around it. It was made of black leather and titled on the front in ornate golden loopy writing was, “Isn’t it about time you found ways to kill a near-immortal Dark Lord who has six horcruxes and a legion of minions with only a fifth year Hogwarts education and a secret power that the Dark Lord Knows Not?”
“Are you trying to tell me something Dumbledore?” Harry asked, raising an eyebrow.
From Hollow Whole by apathetica ( HP/Bleach crossover)
From Harry's POV
If fate really had me by the balls like I knew she did, then I’d survive this in some ridiculous fashion. If I didn’t, well, Ron could have my stuff.
From Harry Potter: Knowledge is Power by Fettucini (HP)
Archie is an OC character but has been developed to an incredible degree
Archie leaned backwards on his hands and observed his surroundings. He was naked, in a prison cell, and his body was aching all over.
“Okay, whatever I’m in here for, I just want you to know that it’s Harry’s fault,” he spoke to the room, not having seen Harry yet because the boy was standing in the shadows “I didn’t want to do it, honest, but he said he’d touch me in inappropriate places if I didn’t, I was forced to!”
From Desperate Measures by v v c (HP)
Probably the best Veela!Harry fic I have read. From Harry's POV:
He was glad Colin was getting some professional help in dealing with his stalker tendencies, but he couldn’t help but feel that sending the pictures to the “victims” wasn’t necessarily the best idea.
From Freudian Slip by jennavere (HP)
He he, Harry's kitchen appliances!
Harry looked a little embarrassed.
"Well, I was going to make a chocolate torte for dessert, but …you see, our mixer and our blender have been together for three weeks, and the blender was just discovered having a torrid affair with the microwave. The mixer is devastated and inconsolable, so now we just sort of avoid doing any mixing."
From First Among The Living by DementorDelta (HP)
Snape talking to Harry
"Do you mean to tell me you took an ancient, very powerful magical object of unknown, potentially dark origins and…and wanked with it?"
From Learning Life Over by Meander Later (HP)
Harry was kidnapped by Draco and is being held hostage:
Reluctantly, Harry accepted that the situation was real, and Malfoy really did want him for some sexual purpose. He had to set sanity aside. The important thing was not that he wasn’t beautiful; it was that Malfoy believed he was beautiful, and would act accordingly. And he really wanted Harry to eat sweet foods and—succumb to some sexual fetish he had, apparently.
From Bungle in the Jungle: A Harry Potter Adventure by jbern (HP)
One of the Inferi captures your attention. It’s an Abraxan with a broken wing and both its back legs broken, but still dragging itself forward. Perseverance, you like that in your zombie hordes. Any zombie horde you get from here on out will be held to this standard!
From Journeyman Potter by Draco664 (HP)
I turned to face Ron as we were escorted into the main building. “I have an account manager?”
Ron shrugged unhelpfully. “Probably. Remember, this is you we’re talking about. You’ve always had loads of things you don’t know about. Magical parents, the ability to speak to snakes, insane dark wizards out for your blood, that sort of thing.”
From When in Doubt, Go Leather by bluebottlebutterfly (HP)
Lily smiled. "What about you, Sirius? What did you do while we were gone?"
Oh, had some dinner, watched a little television, got abducted by aliens including one named Zjugenflaven. You?
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