NB: Fran avatar found on DeviantArt. If the artist is reading this, please contact me and I'll do whatever you please regarding the picture, whether disclaiming it, removing it, or possibly glorifying it. XD

HM's page of stuff.

Last edit: 16 November, 2008.

(I GO ON HOLIDAYS ON THE 27TH! WRITING WILL COMMENCE! SMUT WILL BE SHARED! WE WILL ALL HAVE HORRIBLE NOSEBLEEDS!)

HM IS TAKING ONESHOT REQUESTS!! PM me if you're interested. No srsly. _

And I'm considering writing My First Lemon(tm), but I'm having a moral dilemma. Should I, as a male, write a yaoi? Or should I write a het or yuri? Help meeee!

Possibles:

FFX: Wakka/Tidus or Rikku/Auron (even though I can't stand reading most of them)

FFX-2: Gippalai or Rippal pairings

FFXII: Vossler/Basch, Basch/Ashe, Basch/Penelo

FFVII: Cloud/Tifa or Cid/Yuffie (most likely)

FFIV: Kain/Rydia or Kain/Edge

Avatar: Maiko or Zuko/Sokka pairings

About Me

So, I'm a guy, adolescent, and will read het, yuri or yaoi (as long as it's not horribly sick). I'm quite comfortable with that. If you're not, then well, tough luck and get over yourself.

I'm a crazy FFX fan, and was heavily involved at the gamefaqs.com board for a whopping total of four weeks before I committed a horrible social faux pas. If by ANY chance _Mace_ is reading this, I am SO, SO SORRY, and I hope that you forgive me for being a total forgetful jerk. Send me a PM so that I may rejoin you guys without making myself look like a total fool in front of Snuhppy. I hate her. She's a bitch. (Snuhppy, if you're reading this also, please try not to trip over your enormous ego and stop being such a biatch! (Z-snap))

I have a Youtube account: ForceRain. I have nothing on it, but are active in the FFX videos section as person who helps people out with basic things such as getting Break HP Limit.

NEWSFLASH: FFXII rocks. But I still prefer X-2. I seriously envy the people with enough skill to get up to Judge Bergan without the Licence Board and at low levels!! I can't even Dustia chain to save my life... literally.

MOAR NEWSFLASH: KH2 rocks moar. Hades Paradox, done. Sephy, done. Gummi Building, FAIL'D.

And how could I forget the single pastime taking over my life? I have been playing the piano for nine years now. NINE! I am also qualified to teach piano up to just before university level... I think.

And so if you play a musical instrument, let's talk. X3

Fandoms

In order of preference:

Final Fantasy X
Final Fantasy X-2
Final Fantasy VII
Kingdom Hearts (pref. II or CoM)
Avatar: The Last Airbender
Final Fantasy VIII or XII or IX or IV (tied)
Tekken
Soul Calibur (WHY IS THERE A 'SOUL CALIBER' SECTION??)

Shipping (toot toot)

In order of preference by fandom, and then a reason why. Inspired by kinky boot fiend's profile.

Final Fantasy X
Tied for most, with Wakka/Tidus narrowly winning.

Final Fantasy X-2
Gippal/Rikku. Srsly, THE pairing of X-2, beats Yunie/Tidy senseless. Makes great smut, fluff, action, everything!
Baralai/Paine - too cute for words. Sociopath meets social conservative.
Gippal/Paine - like Paralai, but replace 'conservative' with 'butterfly'.

Final Fantasy XII
Basch/Vossler - YES. YES. OH GOD YES. Army lovin'. (I kid. XD)
Basch/Ashe - princess/knight, much?
Vaan/Penelo - oh come on, you know it's true.
Larsa/Penelo - breaks the squee meter.

Final Fantasy VII
Cid/Yuffie - aww factor. Ninja + pilot = looooooove.
Cloud/Tifa - canon. It just works.
Cid/Cloud - would someone write this for me? Please include the line, "Dammit Spike, you're not good at this." in a smut fic. Will give cookies.
Tifa/Aerith - you know it, you love it, you want it.

Final Fantasy VIII
Squall/Rinoa (humour, plz) - yes! Think Cloud/Tifa turned up to 11.
Irvine/Selphie - they're just made for each other. Guns'n'trains, y'know? Works for them.

Final Fantasy IX
Steiner/Beatrix (aka Rusty/Bea) - canon. And you'd know they'd lay down their life for each other without thinking.
Vivi/Eiko - yeah, there's the whole VIVI IS DYING AND EIKO'S A PRINCESS cliche thing but it's still cute.

Kingdom Hearts
Sora/Kairi - please. Even though Sora is OBVIOUSLY feeling up Riku's immeasurably sexy ass in the KH2 ending, post-Zebraman, S/K's canon.
Roxas/Namine - prove Xemnas wrong and show your love for Nobody Love! (They're special Nobodies, they can feel some emotion.)
Xigbar/Luxord - space-time continuum is just hawt.
Xaldin/Luxord - Not yaoi, just platonic, drinking-until-you-vomit kinda friendship.
Xigbar/Demyx - put an end to bad Zemyx by supporting XigDem! It's healthier and less emo!
Lex/Anyone-from-Xig-Xal-or-Lux - because the Silent Hero needs more love. And he'd never have sex with Zexion. Size, people.

Avatar: The Last Airbender
Sokka/Suki - sexiest of the canon ships.
Sokka/Zuko - see Tifa/Aerith. You know you want it BAD.

Soul Calibur
Siegfried/Ivy - feeling hot, hot, HOT!

Tekken
Steve/Christie - if Sieg/Ivy is hot, this is nuclear fusion-hot. Like, temperature of the sun's core hot. Fans self

Really, really awesome people whose fics you need to read right now

One word. IKONOPEISTON.
She (? Please confirm, you still won't tell me!!) is possibly the most fantastic person ever and has an innate ability to:

1. Respond to constructive criticism with grace, poise, and fabulous tongue-in-cheek humour.

2. Churn out Paine/Nooj fics out with reckless abandon... and the sad thing is, they're all good and I and about four other people are the only ones that review her (?) goddamn works of ART!!

Moving right along, who can forget Ogro, my guy friend from the A:TLA fandom? He's helpful, funny, and one day I will find him and we shall play FFX together and read several bad Zutara fics. Go read 'A World Divided' naoplzkthx.

Next, we have my favourite humour writing lady (FFX wise), Nashiil, who is in her late 20's and possibly the nicest person ever. She even wrote Random Bits 14 in honour of ME! I think. Anyway, read it, it had me howling with laughter merely because Clasko was furious that Tidus was eating chocobo. Go read the entire RB series, but be warned, RB15 and 16 are a little weird for my tastes. Watch your step and have a good day.

And now from the FFVII section, AmazonTurk (AT) whose weird ficverse from 'Operation: Assassination' has me reading her fics (and to a lesser extent, Dantesdarkqueen's and MysticSpiritus') as soon as the alert hits my inbox. I'd recommend reading Queen's fic 'Evidence of Sephiroth's Humanity' before tackling any of their related fics, because currently O:A has about 40 OC's. And I love every single one of them, especially Andria. Andria is 9, brilliant, and her boyfriend is Sephiroth's son. I am slightly scared of Azrael, but... I have my piano that I can drop on him. Hah. Jenova can't save you now. Muhaha. (Dies)

From the FFX forums, Rikkuthebluefirevixon (sic) and AuronLu are excellent people who need to have their fics read immediately, and we need to share the Jecht love. I think we need an FFX prequel starring Braska, Young Auron and Jecht, and it shall be FF7:CC esque but not for the PSP. Who's with me? (tumbleweed) Damn.

You can check out more in my Favourite Authors/Stories section.

Real-Life Friends (It's true!) Who Are At FF.net

Let's see...

xO-DarkXCloud-Ox in the KH section. He's written a KH Tifa/Yuffie and a Riku/Sora. He's the one who got me hooked on FFX.

Grabsalute, who has written a Riku/Tidus and a Sora/Riku also. I am in love with KH fanfiction because of him.

Akatsukilover123, who is my best friend for life, and a huge One Piece and Naruto fan. She hasn't written anything yet because she thinks she's not a good writer (I had no comment), but suffice to say we may collab an Avatar fic. By collab I mean she stabs me with her nails while I write. X3

And finally, Zynodragon who writes BioShock and Dead Rising. I have him now hooked on FFX and X-2... but I warn you now, KEEP YOUR HANDS _OUT OF_ YOUR PANTS. Rikku isn't THAT hot. (Or is she? lol) He also erased my uber-250-hour-FFX-save, but I forgive you.

My favourite quotes

"Thanks Zuko. That makes me feel all better." (Throws paper at Zuko) ~ Mai, A:TLA 3.15

"My leg is intact but my mid-section probably has a bruise the exact size and shape of your head.” ~ Nooj, The Ghost Within, Ikonopeiston (from the X-2 section)

"My brain... it bleeds..." ~ From a display picture I found at AuronLu's funny fansub gallery. It has a bad render of Tidus, and it looks like he's bleeding from the head.

"Ha ha... my brain is empty." ~ From said funny fansub category. It shows the scene where they're just about to fight Seymour for the first time. IIRC, Wakka is supposed to say, "Hahaha... oh, this can't be happening."
And the best thing is the caption reads, "Lulu's suspicions confirmed."

"Voting for Liberal is like chickens voting for Colonel Sanders." Something I saw in the paper today, it's anti-Australian Liberal-National Coalition.

"(My friend's name who I shall not reveal)'s amazing MSN name. Amazingness - guaranteed! (Amazingness is not an actual guarantee - amazing is the reader's decision. "Amazingness" trademark and (C) of all this and future names.)" ~ My friend's MSN name. She's more like my friend's ex-girlfriend, but y'know, we're all friends here.

"Careful darling, before I stick your face in this blender and hit Liquefy." ~ Larxene, Shout!, Dualism (from the KH section)

"You're going to need surgery for that d--head." My friend Bob's (that is not his real name) choice insult for a certain a--tard in my Australian Studies class. He is special with a capital R.

"Larxene is my boyfriend. Yes, you read that completely correctly." From a DP I found at dA. Whoever made these, thankyou, they are awesome, and yet I cannot find them anymore.

"Gaaaahhhh! I can't get naked Vexen out of my head!... Hmm...(smile deviously)" ~ Marluxia, from a series of comics made by Imagec0rrupt3D at dA. Marly's such a nympho voyeurist. Heehee.

"If she comes anywhere near me, we’ll be having fried bitch for dinner.” ~ Axel, Tea for Two, Eleventh End (from the KH section). And no, he's not talking about Larxene. You'll have to read it, but it's rated M for sexual humour and references.

Just a heads up for people who got reviewed by yours truly...

Now, if I reviewed your story and I gave it a rating out of 10, and are not quite sure how fabulous that is, read below:

6/10 and less: Awful. Not worthy of compost, nor to be put into my paper shredder.

7/10: Has potential, but needs serious work.

8/10: Good to very good. Some work required, though.

9/10: Excellent and very enjoyable, but not perfect.

10/10: Captivating, inspirational, entertaining. But not enough for my jaw to hit the ground.

11+ /10: Otherworldly. Just brilliant.

Don't be afraid to beta or ask for constructive criticism!!

This is a certain Heaven-Monument, who will forever be here and ready to talk.

Well, maybe not forever, but you get the drift.

I heart all you people.

HEAVEN-MONUMENT

Last edit: 16 November 2008