Quotes that I live by (some I made up, try to guess which ones):

Stress: The confusion caused when one's mind overrides the body's natural desire to choke the living daylights out of some jerk who really deserves it.

Never say the world owes you something. It owes you nothing. It was here first.

All you need to invent is an idea and a pile of crap.

I know who I am, and nobody else does. If I were a giraffe, and someone told me I was a snake, I'd think 'No, I'm a giraffe'.

Don't worry about people stealing your ideas. If it's original, you can just jam in down their throats.

A mediocre idea that gathers enthusiasm is by far better than an intelligent one that bores you.

Anyone involved with the feds cannot and may not be trusted unless they begin each shift by looking into a camera while The Who plays.

Cats are smarter than dogs for one reason: You can't convince nine cats to pull a sled through the snow. You can get them to use the litter box, but that's about it.

You know you live in 2007 when...

1.) You accidentaly enter your password on a microwave.

2.) You haven't played solitare with real cards for years

3.) The reason for not staying in touch with your friends is they dont have MSN or Myspace

4.) You'd rather look all over the house for the remote instead of just pushing the buttons on the TV

6.) Your boss doesn't even have the ability to do your job.

7.) As you read this list you keep nodding and smiling.

8.) As you read this list you think about sending it to all your friends.

9.) You were too busy to notice number 5.

10.) You scrolled back up to see if there was a number 5.

11.) Now you are laughing at yourself stupidly.

12.) Now you are thinking, "I have to put this on my profile!"

13.) Put this in your profile if you fell for that, and you know you did.