I used to be tsuki00 and then I was futureforensic.

TUMBLR: letsbefrankimawkward.tumblr.com

Send me a message if you like. Or not.

Randomness:

"I miss organic chemistry class. Good times. Good times." -Temperance "Bones" Brennen from Bones

"While I respect the Judeo-Christian ethic, as well as the eastern philosophies and of course, teachings of Muhammad, I find that organized religion has corrupted those beliefs to justify countless atrocities throughout history. Were I to attend church, I would be a hypocrite." -Steven Hyde from That 70's Show

"Congragulations. You have successfully pissed off an eight-year-old optimist. Good luck to your future children, and here's to abortion." -Kristina (my friend)

"Oh my god, just close your legs!" -me (yelling at girl I know who is a slut but complains about guys not taking her seriously)

"Men have paint and they keep paint so they can show that they do manly things." -Mr. Rekieta (my high school math teacher)

Me: Why do you have a serving tray?
Mr. Rekieta: For a very good reason.
-from my high school math class

"When someone hand's me a flyer, it's like they're saying 'here, you throw this away.'" -Mitch Hedberg

"A friend once asked me if I wanted a frozen banana, and I said no. But I would like a regular banana later, so yes." -Mitch Hedberg

"I don't have a girlfriend, I just know a girl who would get really mad if she heard me say that." -Mitch Hedberg

"I don't like escalators. I was at the mall once going up an escalator and I tripped. I fell down the stairs for an hour and a half." -Dimitri Martin

"I once had a cactus and it died and I thought 'damn, I'm less nurturing than a desert.'" -Dimitri Martin

"I'm doing this for my Gram Gram. She is the one who taught me that it is better to be truthful and good, than to not." -Freddy Benson in Dirty Rotten Scoundrels

"Welcome to Hell." -Butler in Dirty Rotten Scoundrels

"You're not drunk until you have to grab the grass to keep from falling off of the Earth." -Doug Benson

"I'm a player in the management profession. PIMP." -Sweet Daddy Dee by Jeff Dunham

Doesn't expecting the unexpected make the unexpected expected?

Never underestimate the power of stupid people in large groups.

"Sorry. The voices in my head are disagreeing with me right now." -me

"It's okay to talk to yourself. It's when you talk to yourself out loud in front of other people that it signals 'crazy.'" -Misti (my friend)

When people say, "put your hands in the air like you just don't care," wouldn't a more effective display of indifference be to not bother?

"I've got a time machine at home, but it only goes forward at regular speed." -Dimitri Martin

"I saw a transvestite wearing a shirt that said 'guess'". -Dimitri Martin

"I think they should put pies on the front of trains, so if it crashes, it's at least a little funny." -Dimitri Martin

"Everything is pocket-sized if your ass is big enough." -Dimirti Marin

"If someone asks you if you are ticklish, it doesn't matter whether you answer yes or no. Either way, you will be touched." -Dimitri Martin

"I think they named oranges before they named carrots." -Dimitri Martin

"A women once told me I'm afraid of success, which may in fact be true because I have the feeling that reaching my full potential could really cut into my sitting around time." -Maria Bamford

"There's nothing wrong with you that changing yourself completely couldn't fix." -Joanne from That 70's Show

"You've offered a very provocative theory. What it lacks in substance it makes up for in pretty colors." -ADA Alex Cabot from Law & Order: SVU

"I was never much into sports. My high school basketball coach said I looked like a retarded gazelle with a spastic disorder." -Detective John Munch from Law & Order: SVU

"Gentleman, if we could lower the level of testosterone just a little bit." -ADA Abbie Carmichael from Law & Order

"Well, he wouldn't be a single parent if he hadn't killed his wife." -ADA Alex Cabot from Law & Order: SVU

"Sometimes when I get homesick I hum the Mr. Softie song." -former ADA Alex Cabot from Law & Order: SVU

"I won't do it and she can't force me!" -ADA Alex Cabot from Law & Order: SVU

"I have a convincing but long argument that would disrupt the sanctity of your poker game." -ADA Casey Novak from Law & Order: SVU

"I just set a world record getting these search warrants, not to mention risking my life to interrupt Judge Terhune's poker game...again!" -ADA Casey Novak from Law & Order: SVU

"I've had this nightmare before, only I was naked." -ADA Casey Novak from Law & Order: SVU

"So what are we supposed to say? 'Please excuse Mrs. Rice for sexual assault, she had a bad brain tumor.'?" -ADA Casey Novak from Law & Order: SVU

"So you just read her a poem and she said 'that's nice, let's have sex'?" -ADA Casey Novak from Law & Order: SVU

"Let me get this straight. You're blackmailing me and in the same breath accusing me of ethical impropriety." -ADA Casey Novak from Law & Order: SVU

"Denise Eldridge is a fruitcake." -Detective Olivia Benson from Law & Order: SVU

"Collecting Pez dispensers sounds like very interesting hobby." -Detective Olivia Benson from Law & Order: SVU

"I don't know what the point is lady but you're making my skin crawl." -ADA Abbie Carmichael from Law & Order

"You got your ass beat by a girl!" -Detective Ed Green from Law & Order

"I laugh in the face of danger, and then I hide until it goes away." -Xander Harris from Buffy the Vampire Slayer

"We're right behind you, only further back." -Xander Harris from Buffy the Vampire Slayer

"Nothing can defeat the penis!" -Xander Harris from Buffy the Vampire Slayer

"Stop or I'll kick you in the testicles!" -Temperance "Bones" Brennen from Bones

"I acknowledge Einstein as the scientific authority." -Zack Addy from Bones

"I'm not aware of a legislature that says the law doesn't apply if Jack McCoy doesn't like it." -Defense Attorney from Law & Order

"I've noticed that very few people are scary once they've been poked in the eye." -Temperance "Bones" Brennen from Bones

Seeley Booth: We just got to stop hanging out with geniuses because you're going to figure out that I'm really stupid.
Temperance "Bones" Brennen: What? Don't worry about that. I figured out a long time ago how stupid you are.
-from Bones

Boyd: Eternal life.
Adelle: Nice adjective, excellent noun. Is there more?
-from Dollhouse

"You're gonna live forever! You don't have time for a cup of coffee?!" -Willow Rosenberg from Buffy the Vampire Slayer

"M'lady, you'll find that with the exception of an honest days work, there's no challenge I'm not prepared to face." -Liam (human Angel/Angelus) from Buffy the Vampire Slayer

"It's a big rock. I can't wait to tell my friends. They don't have a rock this big." Spike from Buffy the Vampire Slayer

"I lost a friend tonight and I may lose more. The whole world's about to be sucked into hell and you want my help because your girlfriend's a big ho?!" -Buffy Summers from Buffy the Vampire Slayer

"I love being in cahoots. It's my favorite place to be." -Mary Alice from Ace of Cakes

"Styrofoam only comes in one flavor: styrofoam." -Mary Alice from Ace of Cakes

"Today will be the day I snap." -Mary Alice from Ace of Cakes

"Elena, could you come here? I just need you to hold this while I drag a knife dangerously close to your hands." -Katherine from Ace of Cakes

Pierce: I tell ya, before AIDS, sex was like shaking hands.
Abed: Hence, AIDS.
-from Community

"Sex with me is like taking the SAT's. Show up on time, do the best you can, and when I say stop, put your little pencil down." -Lynne Koplitz

"My sister is a doctor, a pathologist. I like to introduce her as 'this is my sister, Sarah. She cuts up the dead into chunks'." -Maria Bamford

"I don't understand why woman masturbate. Just call." -Mitch Fatel

"I guess I just prefer to see the dark side of things. The glass is always half-empty. And cracked. And I just cut my lip on it. And chipped a tooth." -Jeneane Garofalo

"She's the perfect combination of total confidence and complete incompitence." -my dad about a friend

Joshua (my brother): I used backup. I saved the document.
My dad: That's not backup, that's just it.
-from my life

Seeley Booth: See what I've done here?
Temperance "Bones" Brennen: Obviously you've created a geographic Venn diagram.
Seeley Booth: No no no no no. Incorrect. What I've shown here is that they overlap in the same area.
Temperance "Bones" Brennen: You need to Google Venn diagram.
-from Bones

Seeley Booth: Okay, why is everybody saying that to me like it's some sort of terrible thing?
Lance Sweets: 'Cause it's kind of terrible.
-from Bones

"I supplied Fringe Division with the 76 model. (he shoots the gun and it blows up a car) This is the 77."
-William Bell from Fringe

William Bell: Phosphorus grenades. Be careful, they're prototypes. They could be unstable.
Olivia Dunham: What do you mean unstable?
William Bell: Just try not to jostle them.
-from Fringe

"Be who you are and say what you feel because those mind don't matter and those who matter don't mind." -Dr. Suess

Friends will bail you out of jail. Best friends will be next to you in the cell saying, “Damn, that was fun!”

Always remember you're unique, just like everyone else.

Anything worth taking seriously is worth making fun of.

Friends help you move. Best friends help you move bodies.

Friends may come and go, but enemies tend to accumulate.

Hard work has a future payoff. Laziness pays off now.

I used to be indecisive. Now I'm not sure.

If Barbie is so popular, why do you have to buy her friends?

"Being a smoker is like being suicidal, but going about it in a very subtle manner." -me

Get it. Got it. Good.