FanFiction.Net - unleash your imagination| dracosnumber1girl |
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Hey peoples! Wow, that sounded lame. Okay, so I'm a teenager looking to vent her frustrations as to why JK Rowling won't put Draco Malfoy and Hermione Granger together! No. That is not why I'm really here. I am not an aspiring writer, but I still love to write. I would love it if I could just get like 5 reviews for a story. That would make my day. I would never have even got into Fan Fiction if it weren't for my "big-sis". Her name is Lynxionia here on ff.net. LOOK HER UP! I haven't read any of her stories here, but I have read one's that aren't ff based, and they are amazing!! Also, I am an extremely strong Christian. Methodists RULE!! Okay, so here are my stats: Name: You seriously think I'm stupid?!(jk lol) My nickname, however, is Hermione (or Remus) and I am also called Maria(long story)Elrond ( I took a sweet quiz!), Karma and Carmie and 'that really tall girl' and a whole host of other things that no one would really care to know. Age: Again, you think I am stupid right? I am approximately eleventy six years old Birthday: August 11(Review that day!!) Hair Color: Dark Brown. No highlights, and no style. Just huge curly frizzy dark brown. UPDATE: I just got layers and got my hair straightened! I love and never want to wash my hair again. Well, maybe I do, but you get my point! NEW UPDATE: I am planning on cutting off most of my hair (hopefully enough to donate it again) and getting a bob for the summer because long frizzy thick hair sucks in the summer. This will be after Memorial Day weekend. Eye Color: Blue/Green with hazel around the pupil. Gets brighter or darker in different light. Race: Well, I am THE melting pot. I am German, Irish, Scottish, Spanish, Puerto Rican, and African! Lol! BTW I am only the smallest possible bit African. My dad’s great-grandma or something like that came directly from Africa. Don’t know exactly where, but whatever. Height: 6' 1" But, I'm told that I'm taller. Guys exaggerate their height too much. Body Type: Thin and tall and long. Believe me, looking like a "model"(HA) is NOT all it's cracked up to be. It sucks. You can't find ANY clothes that fit you!! Plus, you constantly get asked if you play basketball or are a model. Then, when I answer no, they all say I should. Damn conformists! Fav Clothing Stores: Buckle and Macys Fav Pairings: HARRY POTTER~Draco Malfoy and Hermione Granger AND Sirius Black and Hermione Granger-(my favorites!!), Harry Potter and Ginny Weasley, Harry Potter and Pansy Parkinson, Blaise Zabini and Ginny Weasley, Severus Snape and Narcissa Malfoy, Ron Weasley and Lavender Brown. FINAL FANTASY: Vincent/Yuffie and Cloud/Tifa GILMORE GIRLS: TD/RG aka Trory!!(Also, Squall, Vincent, Cloud, Draco, Tristan and pretty much any other guy/ME!!-jk lol lmao!) Pairings I REFUSE to read: Draco Malfoy and Harry Potter and DM/LM-that's Draco Malfoy/Lucius Malfoy :runs and pukes in toilet: (Slash in general. While I accept it in real life, I'm not going to read about it.) Pairing I like: RW/HG I'm rooting for them in the books, just not on here. Severus Snape/Hermione Granger(it's getting closer to being a favorite pairing!) My biggest pet peeve on ff.net: PEOPLE SPELLING NAMES WRONG!! Note: all of these are correct spellings-Blaise Zabini, Lucius Malfoy, Snivellus, Moony. The misspellings I've seen for Blaise's name are Zabani, Zambini, and Zambani. Lucious is the only misspelling i've seen for Lucius. I've seen Snivelous for Snivellus and Mooney for Moony. Doesn't anybody check spellings? Tristan...Gilmore Girls-People spell it Tristin, and it really annoys me. WATCH THE CREDITS PEOPLE! Also, Blaise Zabini is a guy!! On page 143 of HBP it says, "He recognized a Slytherin from their year, a tall black boy with high cheekbones and long, slanting eyes; there were also two seventh-year boys Harry did not know and, squashed in a corner beside Slughorn and looking as though she was not entiely sure how she had got there, Ginny. My fav books: The Harry Potter Series, The Guardians of Time Trilogy, The Cry of the Icemark, The Giver, The Children of the Red King series, Eragon, Tears of a Tiger, City of Bones(I can't wait for the sequels!), The Chronicles of Narnia, TWILIGHT SAGA!! Oh yeah, and many more I can't think of. Fav Movies: Too many to list, but I'll give it a try~ POTC and POTC2 and POTC3, Titanic, Star Wars I;II;III;IV;V;VII(the originals are better!), The Lord of the Rings Trilogy, The Chronicles of Narnia: The Lion, the Witch, and the Wardrobe, Dreamgirls. Oh yeah, and I think they should make IcyPanther's story Parenting Class into the next Harry Potter movie. It is awesome!! Also, the Harry Potter movies suck!! I think the first two were the truest to the books, and three kept the true spirit of the book the best (GO ALFONSO CUARON!). THE FOURTH MOVIE SUCKED!! I wouldn't have minded if they created the 4th into a trilogy. GIVE ME WINKY!! UPDATE: The fifth movie was a rip-off. It was a good movie, but I would never have been able to follow it had I not read the books backwards and forwards. My mom has read the book once and she had immense trouble following it. Oh yeah, and my biggest peeve was the spell Bellatrix threw at Sirius. The book says that a jet of RED LIGHT shoots and him and pushes him through the veil. My guess is that this was a stunning spell. IN THE MOVIE SHE SAID AVADA KEDAVRA! That is not right because it emits a jet of GREEN LIGHT and kills him. We do NOT KNOW THAT HE IS DEAD! He is my anti-drug and until JK completely confirms he is dead, I refuse to believe it. If...cough, when, cough...he lives, the 7th movie's director is going to have one hell of a time explaining how he was Avada Kedavraed and didn't die. Well, screw the filmmakers. Only Tom strikes my fancy. Oh yeah, and the twins too! My Fav Bands/Solo Artists: Evanescence, Nickelback, The All-American Rejects, Christina Aguilera, Fall Out Boy, Green Day, Charlotte Church, Josh Groban, BarlowGirl, Relient K, Mae, Sherwood, Hawk Nelson, Celtic Woman, Eminem, Daughtry, The 5 Browns, My Chemical Romance, Three Days Grace, am I missing any?! Recommend bands/artists in your reviews and I will attempt to check them out. Quotes:(As you will soon be able to tell, I LOVE quotes!!) "You should write a book translating mad things girls do so boys can understand them." ~Ron OOTP "In vain I have struggled.It will not do. My feelings will not be repressed. You must allow me to tell you how ardently I admire and love you." ~Mr Darcy, Pride and Prejudice "YOU WILL LIKE THE RAINBOW ROOM!" -Pansy (Parenting Class, Chapter 6 by IcyPanther) "Duct tape is like the force: It has a dark side and a light side and it holds the universe together." -Carl Zwanzig "The problem is, or rather one of the problems, for there are many, a sizable number of which are continually clogging up the civil, commercial, and criminal courts in all areas of the Galaxy, and especially, where possible, the more corrupt ones, this. The previous sentence makes sense. That is not the problem. This is: Change. Read it through again and you'll get it." -Douglas Adams "Where do babies come from? Don't bother asking adults. They lie like pigs. However, diligent independent research and hours of playground consultation have yielded fruitful, if tentative, results. There are several theories. Near as we can figure out, it has something to do with acting ridiculous in the dark. We believe it is similar to dogs when they act peculiar and ride each other. This is called "making love". Careful study of popular song lyrics, advertising catch-lines, TV sitcoms, movies, and T-Shirt inscriptions offers us significant clues as to its nature. Apparently it makes grown-ups insipid and insane. Some graffiti was once observed that said "sex is good". All available evidence, however, points to the contrary." - Bongo, From "Childhood Is Hell" By Matt Groening "You know, I used to think it was awful that life was so unfair. Then I thought, wouldn't it be much worse if life were fair, and all the terrible things that happen to us come because we actually deserve them? So, now I take great comfort in the general hostility and unfairness of the universe." - Marcus Cole "Reality continues to ruin my life." -Calvin "It usually takes me more than three weeks to prepare a good impromptu speech." -Mark Twain "'I don't believe it! I don't believe it! Oh, Ron, how wonderful! A prefect! That's everyone in the family!' 'What are Fred and I, next door neighbours?' George said indignantly."-Molly and George, 5 "The man who smiles when something goes wrong has already thought of someone to blame."-Unknown "War does not determine who is right, it determines who is left."-Proverb "Women are meant to be loved, not understood."-Oscar Wilde "Sticks and stones are hard on bones, Aimed with angry art. Words can sting like anything, But silence breaks the heart."-Phyllis Mcgenlee "Wise men talk because they have something to say, fools talk because they have to say something."-Plato "The believer is happy. The doubter is wise."-Unknown "Both optimists and pessimists contribute to our society. The optimist makes the plane and the pessimist makes the parachute."-Unknown "To be loved is to be fortunate, but to be hated is to achieve distinction."-Unknown "Always forgive your enemies, but never forget their names."-John F. Kennedy "Power is having every justification to kill and you don't."Oskar Schindler from Schindler's List "Every man wishes to be wise, they who cannot be wise are almost always cunning."-Samuel Jackson Hitch: "Never lie, steal, cheat, or drink, but if you must lie; lie in the arms of the one you love, if you must steal; steal from bad company, if you must cheat; cheat death, and if you must drink; drink in the moments that take your breath away." "Draco was getting really pissed now. How dare they think he did something to her, when he’s been worried sick about her, and they know nothing about him. “I didn’t touch her. I wouldn’t do anything like that to her. Not after she was so kind to me! So, you can take your accusations and shove them up your ass!”"-'Changes' by brit77 ""Congratulations, Hermione. Welcome to Gryffindor House, home of the brave and despisers of the slimy git known as Lucius Malfoy," Ron shook her hand, despite her best efforts to pull it away."-Hour of Grace by Strega Brava " "Remus Lupin!" All the Gryffindors jumped out of their chairs and applauded loudly as their beloved professor walked over to a chair beside Professor Snape. Surprisingly, Professor Snape also got up and clapped his hands politely. "Why is Snape not trying to kill him? He almost looks happy…that can't be good," Ron's brow furled in confusion."- Chapter 2 of Hour of Grace by Strega Brava "When I am abroad, I always make it a rule never to criticize or attack the government of my own country. I make up for lost time when I come home." Sir Winston Churchill “When you're having a bad day, it takes 43 muscles to frown, 17 to smile, and only 4 to extend your arm and punch someone in the face.” "A good friend bails you out of jail at four-o'clock in the morning. A BEST friend is the one standing beside you saying 'Wow that was fun!' "-Anonmyous "Love is a red snowmobile racing across the tundra, when it suddenly flips over, pinning you underneath. At night, the ICE WEASELS come." -Matt Groening “I can picture in my mind a world without war, a world without hate. And I can picture us attacking that world, because they'd never expect it." - Jack Handey “Okay, okay. Um, not much that I can remember. A big dark tunnel, possibly experiencing a budget cut for electricity, because the light at the end was out.” - Strange Glue, by Scribbler (on here) "Who ever said reality wasn't funny apparently didn't live in it." "I'm surROUNDED by idiots."-Scar, The Lion King "Religious war at its simplest is killing each other over who has the best imaginary friend" - Richard Jeni "Silence is golden but duct tape is silver." - a number of places - If a man who cannot count finds a four-leaf clover, is he lucky? – Stanislaw J. Lec 92 percent of American teens would die if Abercombie and Fitch told them it was uncool to breathe. Copy this in your profile if you would be the 8 percent that would be laughing your ass off. 98 percent of the population has a myspace. If you're one of the 2 percent that isn't emo, copy and paste this in your profile. If you are crazy and proud of it : copy and paste this onto your profile. Weird is good, strange is bad, and odd is when you don't know which to call someone. Weird is the same as different, which is the same as unique, so weird is good. If you are weird and proud of it : copy this onto your profile! If you have ever been so obsessed with something that now everyone is scared of you because of its effects : copy this into your profile. If you think that those stupid kids should just give that God-forsaken Trix rabbit some Trix, copy this into your profile. If you have ever pushed on a door that said pull or pulled the handle on a door that said push, copy this into your profile Admitting you are weird means you are normal. Saying that you are normal is odd. If you admit that you are weird and like it, copy this onto your profile. Even when you cant see Him, GOD is there! If you believe in GOD put this in your profile If you have ever ran into a tree, copy this to your profile! If you have ever tripped over your own feet, copy and paste this into your profile. If you have ever seen a movie (or show) so many times that you can quote it word for word. And you do at random moments; copy and paste this in you're profile. 98 percent of teenagers do or has tried smoking pot. If you're one of the 2 percent who hasn't, copy & paste this in your profile. 98 percent of teenagers has drank alcohol or done drugs. If you're one of the two percent who hasn't, copy this into your profile. If, for no reason, you have laughed during a movie part that wasn't funny, put this in your profile. If you have ever run into a door, copy this into your profile. If you have ever fallen up the stairs copy this into your profile If you have ever tripped over air, copy this into your profile. If you have ever had a mad laughing fit for absolutely no reason, copy and paste this into your profile. If you have ever burst out laughing in a quiet room, copy this into your profile. If Fanfiction is to you is what MySpace is to other people, copy this into your profile. If you should be doing homework right now, copy this into your profile. If you ever read past two in the morning, copy and paste this to your profile. If you have ever heard of National Talk Like a Pirate Day, copy this into your profile. (September 19! Don't forget!) If you are against fur coats, clothing, boots, etc, and the people who kill the animals but don't use the meat, copy this onto your profile. If you have music in your soul, post this in your profile! If you have every copied and pasted something into your profile, copy and paste this into your profile. You know you live in 2007 when... 1.) You accidentally enter your password on a microwave. 2.) You haven't played solitare with real cards for years 3.) The reason for not staying in touch with your friends is they dont have a screenname or my space 4.) You'd rather look all over the house for the remote instead of just pushing the buttons on the TV 6.) Your boss doesn't even have the ability to do your job. 7.) As you read this list you keep nodding and smiling. 8.) As you read this list you think about sending it to all your friends. 9.) And you were too busy to notice number 5. 10.) You scrolled back up to see if there was a number 5. 11.) Now you are laughing at yourself stupidly. 12.) Put this in your profile if you fell for that, and you know you did I have GOOD GRADES, so I MUST be a nerd I have GREEN SKIN so I Must be a witch I'm BLOND, so I MUST be a stupid ditz I'm a CHEERLEADER, so I MUST be a whore I'm a PREP, so I MUST be a snob I wear a lot of BLACK, so I MUST be goth. I am a GUY and I DANCE so I MUST be gay. I am a FOOTBALL PLAYER so I MUST be stupid. ~STOP STEREOTYPES! IF YOU HATE STEREOTPYES AND WANT THEM TO STOP, COPY THIS LIST INTO YOUR PROFILE AND ADD ANY MORE STEREOTYPES YOU'VE HEARD. (And PM me when you do!-I got this from iheartmwpp's profile) If you are intolerant of intolerant people, copy and paste this into your profile. If you're one of those people who get excited when you see just two reviews, paste this into your profile. If you hate those obnoxious preppy people PLEASE copy this in your profile A true friend is someone who will try to answer the "eraser bits" question and have a long conversation about it. A friend is someone who wont say anything when you cry for no reason, but will start sobbing too, just to help you cry. If you have a true friend, copy and paste this in your profile. If you and your friends have a nickname, title, or anything else for each other, copy and paste this in your profile. If you've ever wondered what you are like in another dimension, copy and paste this in your profile. If you've ever busted a move/ burst into song, copy and paste this into your profile. If there are times when you wanna annoy people just for the heck of it, copy this into your profile. If you've been on the computer for hours on end, reading numerous fanfictions, copy this onto your profile, and add your name to this list: danyan, Zutara Lover, Archangel's Requiem, Lady Sakura of the Fated,Soul Stance, Raven Wolfmoon, iheartmwpp, and dracosnumber1girl. If you hear voices in your head and know that they are real put this on your profile. If you think that being unique is better than being cool then put this on your profile. If you think that life without computers is useless then copy this to your profile. EMBRACE THE WEIRDNESS! If you embrace the weirdness, then copy and paste this on to your profile and add your name to the list. Emy Em Em, Lady Sakura of the Fated, Soul Stance, Raven Wolfmoon, and iheartmwpp. I like cheese. I have seen purple cows. If two gooses are geese, why aren't two mooses meese, or if two foots are feet, why aren't two footballs feetball? People call me crazy, but I'm just random!(but I'm crayzee too) If you're random and proud of it, copy and paste this into your profile. 92 percent of the teenage population has switched to Rap. If you are in the 8 percent who still ROCKS, copy & paste this into your profile. If you have ever zoned out for more than five consecutive minutes, copy this to your profile. 93 percent of American teens would have an emotional breakdown if someone called them a freak. If you're part of the 7 percent who would ask the person, "What was your first clue?" or "Your point being?" or "You just realized this now?" or "Wow, you're even more stupid than you look." or nevermind, just copy this to your profile and add your name to this list: Sunlit Goddess of the C.O.C.A., Moonlit Goddess of the C.O.C.A., Evil Genius of the C.O.C.A, Invader Miley Phantom, Phantom Figure, deadzonedragon, Dpbuckeye, 2wingo, HalfGhostPunk, Raven Wolfmoon, iheartmwpp, and dracosnumber1girl. Nerds are cool. Nerds are smart. Nerds will one day rule the universe. If you're a nerd and proud of it, copy this into your profile. EMBRACE THE INNER NERD! If you think that Writer's Block sucks, copy and paste this into your profile. A large percent of writers don't know the difference between "your" and "you're". If you're one of the ones who does know and wants to slug them, copy and paste this into your profile. If you have ever forgotten your name while introducing yourself, copy this to your profile. If you know a video game character or video game weapon that need(s) to exist, copy and paste this into your profile. (Axel and Riku from Kingdom Hearts, the Marauders from Harry Potter, every hot guy in the Final Fantasy series...) If you've ever tried to put your hair behind your ears and ended up poking yourself in the eye, copy this into your profile. If you know someone who should get run over by a bus, copy this into your profile. .eliforp ruoy otni siht etsap dna ypoc ,sdrawkcab siht daer ot hguone trams era uoy fI If you have a very wide range of interests, copy and paste this into your profile. If you can sing along with classical music that has no actual words, copy and paste this into your profile. I'm bored... If you're bored then paste this in your profile and let the world know you have nothing to do... If your profile is long, copy and paste this on it to make it even longer. If you have ever had a song stuck in your head for more than three weeks, copy and paste this into your profile. If you ever forgotten what you were talking about in a conversation copy and paste this into your profile. If you have ever had a mad laughing fit for absolutely no reason, copy and paste this into your profile. If you've ever asked a really stupid, obvious question, copy and paste this one your profile If you have a tendency to talk to yourself post this in your profile. If you are weird, insane, crazy, odd, not-normal, a freak of nature, psychotic, random, or anything similar, post this in your profile. If you're easily confussed or confuzzled add this to your profile. If you have ever gotten so completely sidetracked in a conversation that you don't remember why you were talking in the first place, copy this into your profile. If you have ever forgotten what you were going to say, right before you say it, copy this into your profile. If you haven't died yet, copy and paste this onto your profile. Pluto was declared no longer a planet on August 27 of 2006 just because it was 'too small' and 'off its orbit' for a couple scientists' likings. If you still think Pluto should be a planet then copy this onto ya profile. LONG LIVE PLUTO! The phaonmneal pweor of the hmuan mnid, aoccdrnig to a rscheearch at Cmabrigde Uinervtisy, it deosn't mttaer in waht oredr the ltteers in a wrod are, the olny iprmoatnt tihng is taht the fsrit and lsat ltteer be in the rghit pclae. The rset can be a taotl mses and you can sitll raed it wouthit a porbelm. Tihs is bcuseae the huamn mnid deos not raed ervey lteter by istlef, but the wrod as a wlohe. Amzanig huh? yaeh and I awlyas tghuhot slpeling was ipmorantt! if you can raed this psas it on. If you're against animal cruelty, copy and paste. If you like explosions and/or fire, copy and paste. If you have ever looked all over the house for something when it was in your hand the whole time, copy and paste this into your profile. 98 of the internet population has a myspace and/or facebook. If you're part of the 2 that doesn't, copy and paste this into your profile. If you think it's stupid that girls are associated with the color pink, copy and paste this into your profile. If you believe in magic, copy and paste this into your profile. I'm sarcastic, always, and I love it. You're a 90's kid if: You can finish this 'ice ice _' . . . Furbies You haven't always had a computer, and it was cool to have the internet. -- --Put This Ribbon -- - --On Your PLEASE READ WHAT'S UNDER THIS!! I am the girl kicked out of her home because I confided in my mother that I am a lesbian. Re-post this if you believe homophobia is wrong. Please do your part to end it. Although I am not homosexual or bisexual, I support their rights and believe that they have as much right to freedoms in this country and all others as any heterosexual people. !!MORE QUOTES!! "He sighed. 'I’m in awe. I never saw you as the type, is all. I’m as surprised as I am angry. I suppose that’s all that can be said. I just… somehow, after these last few days, it isn’t so surprising, you falling for him.' "-from Basketcase by attica "Whoa. Punching Draco Malfoy and getting a job at the library (which was only her most favorite place in the entire universe!) all within the period of an hour. If that wasn’t lucky, then she didn’t know what was."-from If It Was You by attica " Aletha chuckled. “He told me once that he prefers pleasant surprises to unpleasant ones. Therefore, he’d rather work with students, who are expected to be immature and often surprise him pleasantly by showing a great deal of maturity, than with politicians, to whom the reverse applies.” "-Dealing with Danger by whydoyouneedtoknow "“Mark today on the calendar, someone. Moony just admitted I was right.”"-Dealing with Danger by whydoyouneedtoknow (said by Sirius) " “I don’t know. I still have a functioning brain, so I can’t get inside the heads of people who write laws.” " -Dealing with Danger by whydoyouneedtoknow (either Aletha or Danger, can't remember) "Ohhhhhh! Who lives in our castle although she’s no good? Ugly Umbridge! She never takes hints how to live like she should! Ugly Umbridge! If you are like me and you want to farewell Ugly Umbridge! Then listen, my lads, to the story I tell of Ugly Umbridge! Let’s kick Umbridge, Let’s beat Umbridge, Let’s bomb Umbridge, Ugly Umbridge!" From Facing Danger by whydoyouneedtoknow(sung to Spongebob Squarepants theme) READ ALL STORIES IN THE DANGERVERSE!! They are better than the HP series. Anne, JK's got nothing on you!! " "Not all scars are visible," he managed to choke out in a harsh whisper." Draco Malfoy from Chapter 4 of Strega Brava's Hour of Grace "Hell hath no fury like a woman scorned."-William Shakespeare, The Taming of the Shrew "There is a woman every case; as soon as they bring me a report, I say, 'Look for the woman'"-Unknown (translated from French) If life's not just a joke, then why are we laughing? - Dead, My Chemical Romance It was a lie when they smiled, and said you won't feel a thing - Disenchanted, My Chemical Romance The innocent can never last - Wake Me Up When September Ends, Green Day What a shame we all became, such fragile broken things - Let The Flames Begin, Paramore My new favorite quote-inspiration-thing (stolen from the profile of BluexxStarlight) Girls I have 37+ pages of quotes from the HP series and other sources on my computer, if you would like me to send them to you, please PM me! Okay, so I just read this numerology thing about being born on the 11th day of a month. It's scary accurate for me!: IT IS OFFICIALLY OVER. HARRY POTTER IS DONE. I AM SUFFERING FROM SLIGHT WITHDRAWL. ALL STORIES ARE NOW SADLY AU. I CRIED. PM ME IF YOU DID TOO. NOW, I PRAY THAT WE ALL CAN LIVE THROUGH THIS TRYING TIME. MAY GOD BE WITH US ALL. --Okay, did I seriously write that thing up there? I think I was running on one two many diet cokes and reeses cups! :-) Kay, so I was looking at LLAMMAS WILL RULE THE WORLD 's profile on here, and she had some amazing icon quotes from Twilight. So, of course, I stole them and am now pasting them on my profile. Muahahahahahahah!! XXXXXXXXXXXX Lion + Lamb = Loch Ness Monster (Quote from a Twilight icon I saw) XXXXXXXXXXXX "You. Me. Forest floor. Now." (Another Twilight icon, pic of Bella & Edward by/in the forest) XXXXXXXXXXXX "Who's afraid of the big bad wolf?" (Jacob ~ New Moon) XXXXXXXXXXXX Edward Cullen is for women what sex is for men - on our minds every 7 seconds. (Yet another Twilight icon) XXXXXXXXXXXX Christmas wish list: 1: Move to Forks. 2: Meet Edward. 3: Become a vampire. (You guessed it...Twilight icon) XXXXXXXXXXXX The Cullen boys; they just don't make them like that anymore. (Twilight icon) XXXXXXXXXXXX Twilight - yeah, I tried reading other books...but then I got bored when no vampires showed up. (Twilight icon) XXXXXXXXXXXX I'm having troubles dealing with the fact that Edward Cullen is a fictional character. (Twilight icon) XXXXXXXXXXXX The meadow. Only a Twilight fan would understand. (Twilight icon) XXXXXXXXXXXX Bella: Look, you've gotta give me some answers. Edward: Yes...no...to get to the other side...1.772... Bella: I don't need the square root of pi! (Bella & Edward ~ Twilight) XXXXXXXXXXXX Breaking Dawn spoiler #5: Edward eats Bella. (Not a real spoiler...Twilight icon) XXXXXXXXXXXX Shhhh...I'm trying to read Stephanie's mind. (Twilight icon) XXXXXXXXXXXX Edward can bust my headboard, bite my pillows, and bruise my body anyday! (Twilight icon) XXXXXXXXXXXX You can keep your apple. I'll take the doctor. (Twilight icon) XXXXXXXXXXXX Twilight - giving hope to clumsy girls everywhere. (Twilight icon) XXXXXXXXXXXX I read Twilight and wasn't addicted...until I got to the second page... (Twilight icon) XXXXXXXXXXXX O.C.D = Obsessive Cullen Disorder (Twilight icon) XXXXXXXXXXXX Team Edward - Because Jacob doesn't sparkle (Twilight shirt) XXXXXXXXXXXX Read Twilight (Or I'll provoke the Volturi and blame you) (Twilight icon) XXXXXXXXXXXX Behold, my sparklies! (Really adorable chibi anime Edward pic I saw) XXXXXXXXXXXX I'm gonna need Jasper to calm me down on November 21st. (Twilight button) XXXXXXXXXXXX Edward Cullen - Better than you since 1901. (Twilight icon) XXXXXXXXXXXX You know you're obsessed with Twilight when you read "The End" and cry. (Twilight icon...the sad thing is, this happened to me...) XXXXXXXXXXXX Only a vampire can love you forever... (Twilight icon) XXXXXXXXXXXX I want to marry Edward Cullen. Do I care that he's fictitious? No. But I'm not sharing, either. (Twilight icon) XXXXXXXXXXXX "Penguins. Lovely." (Edward ~ Eclipse) XXXXXXXXXXXX Screw being a princess. I wanna be a vampire. (Twilight icon) XXXXXXXXXXXX Edward Cullen. Dammit! Why aren't you real?! (Twilight icon) XXXXXXXXXXXX You haven't read Twilight? Okay, shoot yourself in the foot. (Twilight icon) XXXXXXXXXXXX Edward. Better than Jacob. End of story. (Twilight icon...but it's sooooo true. In case you can't tell, I support Team Edward.) XXXXXXXXXXXX You haven't read Twilight?! You fail at life. (Twilight icon) XXXXXXXXXXXX Hogwarts schmogwarts. Send me to Forks! (Where else? Twilight icon) XXXXXXXXXXXX "I'm so posting this on YouTube." (Twilight pic of James holding the video camera) XXXXXXXXXXXX That's how I like my men: Cold, dead, and sparkly. (Twilight icon) XXXXXXXXXXXX Team Edward - because we wish all guys were this perfect. (Twilight icon) XXXXXXXXXXXX Cullenism. My new religion. (Twilight icon again) XXXXXXXXXXXX Join the dark side. We have sexy vampires. (Another Twilight icon) XXXXXXXXXXXX Twilight made me realize: regular boys aren't good enough. (Twilight icon) XXXXXXXXXXXX Not now; I'm too busy thinking about Twilight. (Another icon) XXXXXXXXXXXX Twilight isn't everything, but it's right up there with breathing. (I'll bet you can't guess what kind of icon this was on!) XXXXXXXXXXXX For Christmas, I want a shiny new Volvo...with a vampire in the front seat. (Yep, a Twilight icon) XXXXXXXXXXXX I cut out pages 73 - 381 of New Moon. Jacob can go die. (Twilight icon, not totally true for me...if Jacob didn't have his parts in New Moon, it would have been too much of a depressing book) XXXXXXXXXXXX I told my boyfriend I was going to give him the manual: "Everything there is to know about being the perfect boyfriend". I handed him Twilight. (Betcha didn't see that one coming! Twilight icon) XXXXXXXXXXXX I'm done waiting for Prince Charming on his white horse. I'd rather wait for Edward Cullen in his silver Volvo. (Awesome Twilight icon) XXXXXXXXXXXX Dr. McSparkly (Twilight icon, no duh talking about Carlisle) XXXXXXXXXXXX Cedric didn't die. He became a vampire! (Twilight icon showing Cedric Diggory from HP 4 & Edward from Twilight) XXXXXXXXXXXX Bite me Cullen. Just do it. (Twilight icon) XXXXXXXXXXXX Bella: Bite me. Edward: Is that an insult or an invitation? (Twilight icon) XXXXXXXXXXXX UPDATE (11 June 2009): SO I was just on moonyNZ's profile, and found this really fun thing to do. Put your twelve favorite HP characters in random order and answer these questions! My first try! 1. Remus Lupin 2. Lily Potter 3. George Weasley 4. Ron Weasley 5. Nymphadora Tonks 6. Fred Weasley 7. Ginny Weasley 8. Harry Potter 9. James Potter 10. Hermione Granger 11. Draco Malfoy 12. Sirius Black My Answers: 1. Have you ever read a six/eleven fan fic before? Fred Weasley/Draco Malfoy. I'm not a slash person, so nope! 2. Do you think four is hot? How hot? Ron Weasley Hmmm... The way he's portrayed in a lot of fics is a lot hotter than I see him being in the books. So, fan fic world I think he's quite adorable, JK's world, not so much. 3. What would happen if twelve and eight got pregnant? Sirius Black/Harry Potter Well first it would take a miracle (aka a stroke of JK's pen) to resurrect Sirius. Then Dumbledore, James, Lily, and Remus would come back in that freaky ghost form thing and would scold Sirius for having unprotected sex. As none of this is actually possible, I think we can safely say that this will not happen until Jennifer Lopez becomes a more famous fantasy writer than JK Rowling. 4. Do you recall any fics about nine? James Potter I've only read a few James-centric ones, but he's obviously in every Marauder Era/Time Travel fic there is, so of COURSE I recall fics about him! 5. Would two and six make a good couple? Lily Potter/Fred Weasley I think they would if it was a time travel fic (maybe). But Fred would have to be a little fling before James. 6. Five/Nine or Five/Ten? Nymphadora Tonks/James Potter or Nymphadora Tonks/Hermione Granger This one's a doosy! I'd have to say Tonks/James because...well, it's just better than Tonks/Hermione. 7. What would happen if seven walked in on two and twelve having sex? Ginny + Lily/Sirius She'd probably freak out considering Sirius would have been having sex with a corpse. The, for good measure, she'd throw a bat-bogey hex at Sirius for having sex with Harry's mother's corpse. 8. Make a summary of a three and ten fan fic. George Weasley/Hermione Granger She walked into his apartment to find him bent double. the gift behind her back fell obsolete to the ground as she ran to embrace him. It was April 1st. "He's gone." 9. Suggest a title for a seven/twelve hurt/comfort fic. Ginny Weasley/Sirius Black The title for this would be Losing Him. 10. What kind of plot would you use if you wanted four to de-flower one? Ron Weasley/Remus Lupin Well...not gon' do it! 11. Does anyone on your friends list read three het? George Weasley Sure! He's a fun character! 12. Does anyone on your friends list write or draw eleven? Draco Malfoy That's not a question, it's an automatic assumption! Definitely a true statement. 13. Would anyone on your friends list write two/four/five? Lily Potter/Ron Weasley/Nymphadora Tonks Well, if one of my friends had a plot bunny strike her, she would totally do it. She has no qualms about writing any pairing. Maybe if another of my friends was horribly drunk (which would never happen) she would write it. 14. What would ten scream at a moment of great passion? Hermione Granger No idea! It would totally depend on who she was shagging. However, I think an author of some kind of significance as well as Merlin or God would be used. 15. If you wrote a songfic about eight, which song would you choose? Harry Potter Cliche, I know, but maybe How to Save a Life. Another would be Storm by Lifehouse 16. If you wrote a one/six/twelve fic, what would the warning be? Remus Lupin/Fred Weasley/Sirius Black Um...don't read this? Maybe "In Heaven, boys just want to have fun." 17. What would be a good pick-up line for ten to use on two? Hermione Granger/Lily Potter "Let's go read." UPDATE! More awesome stuff for reading! FRIENDS/BEST FRIENDS FRIENDS: Will comfort you when he rejects you. BEST FRIENDS: Will go up and ask him, "It's because you're gay, isn't it?" FRIENDS: Will be there for you when he breaks up with you. BEST FRIENDS: Will call him up and whisper, "Seven days..." FRIENDS: Helps you up when you fall. BEST FRIENDS: Keeps on walking saying, "Walk much, dumb ass?" FRIENDS: Helps you find your prince. BEST FRIENDS: Kidnaps him and brings him to you. FRIENDS: Will ask you if you're okay when you're crying. BEST FRIENDS: Already have the shovel to bury the body of the person that made you cry. FRIENDS: Will pass you a soda. BEST FRIENDS: Will dump theirs on you. FRIENDS: Gives you their umbrella in the rain. BEST FRIENDS: Takes yours and runs. FRIENDS: Will help you move. BEST FRIENDS: Will help you move the bodies. FRIENDS: Will bail you out of jail. BEST FRIENDS: Would be in the cell with you saying, "That was awesome! Let's do it again!" FRIENDS: Only know a few things about you. BEST FRIENDS: Could write a very embarrassing biography on your life story... FRIENDS: Are only through high school/college. BEST FRIENDS: Are for life. REASONS WHY GIRLS ARE THE BEST: 1. Men die earlier, so we get to cash in on the life insurance (cha-ching!!). 2. We don't look like a frog in a blender when dancing (so true). 3. We can hug our friends without wondering if WE'RE gay. 4. We have the ability to dress ourselves. 5. There are times when chocolate really can solve all your problems. 6. We can fully assess a person just by looking at their shoes. WAYS TO ANNOY YOU KNOW YOU LOVE TWILIGHT WHEN: I’ve developed a weird habit of biting people. I keep trying to kidnap Jasper, but Alice is always at his window with a bat. How does she kn…ohhh, right! All I want is a gorgeous, immortal, cold, silver Volvo owner that sparkles in the sunlight and bites me…is that too much to ask for? Blondes may have more fun, but Edward prefers brunettes! Ha! Go brunettes! Changed my name to Bella, moved to Forks, acted like a danger magnet…So where’s my Edward? Twilight Warning: This book may severe daydreaming, insanely high expectations for boyfriends, overactive imagination, drooling, and the belief that Edward Cullen is NOT fictional. I have been diagnosed with OCD: Obsessive Cullen Disorder. You haven’t read Twilight? Go shoot yourself in the foot! I poured glitter on my boyfriend so that he’d be just like Edward. Like you don’t gasp every time you see a silver Volvo. Screw being a princess, I want to be a vampire! Every time a guy ignores me, I know it’s just because he’s a vampire in love with me, and he is too polite to drink my blood. I jumped in front of a moving van to see if Edward would save me. And it hurt... Twilight: I cut out pages 73 - 381 of New Moon. Jacob can go die. I told my boyfriend I was going to give him the manual: "Everything there is to know about being the perfect boyfriend". I handed him Twilight. Lion + Lamb = Loch Ness Monster The Cullen boys; they just don't make them like that anymore. Bite me Cullen. Just do it. Emos make life hard for Jasper. Twilight - yeah, I tried reading other books...but then I got bored when no vampires showed up. I'm having troubles dealing with the fact that Edward Cullen is a fictional character. Twilight - giving hope to clumsy girls everywhere. I read Twilight and wasn't addicted...until I got to the second page... Team Edward - Because Jacob doesn't sparkle Edward Cullen - Better than you since 1901. Only a vampire can love you forever... I want to marry Edward Cullen. Do I care that he's fictitious? No. But I'm not sharing, either. Edward. Better than Jacob. End of story. You haven't read Twilight?! You fail at life. That's how I like my men: Cold, dead, and sparkly. Team Edward - because we wish all guys were this perfect. Cullenism. My new religion. Twilight made me realize: regular boys aren't good enough. For Christmas, I want a shiny new Volvo...with a vampire in the front seat. Bella: Bite me. Edward: Is that an insult or an invitation? Dear Jacob, I win. Sincerely, Edward. ( from icons) Roses are red, When people say "Oh you just want to have your cake and eat it too". Darn Right! What good is cake if you can't eat it? If you can read this message, you are blessed, because over two billion people in the world cannot read at all: -I cdnuolt blveiee taht I cluod aulaclty uesdnatnrd waht I was rdanieg. The phaonmneal pweor of the hmuan mnid. Aoccdrnig to a rscheearch at Cmabrigde Uinervtisy, it deosn't mttaer in waht oredr the ltteers in a wrod are, the olny iprmoatnt tihng is taht the frist and lsat ltteer be in the rghit pclae. The rset can be a taotl mses and you can sitll raed it wouthit a porbelm. Tihs is bcuseae the huamn mnid deos not raed ervey lteter by istlef, but the wrod as a wlohe. Amzanig huh? Yaeh and I awlyas toghuht slpeling was ipmorantt! Tahts so cool! 1. YOUR REAL NAME: Carmen 2.YOUR GANGSTA NAME (first 3 letters of real name plus izzle): Carmizzle 3. YOUR DETECTIVE NAME: (fav color and fav animal): Purple Tiger 4. YOUR SOAP OPERA NAME: (Middle name and current street name): Olivia Surrywood 5. YOUR STAR WARS NAME (The first 3 letters of your last name, first 2 letters of your first name, last 3 letters of your mom's maiden name): Cascayer 6. YOUR SUPERHERO NAME: (2nd favorite color, favorite drink): Blue Coca-Cola 7. YOUR ARAB NAME: (2nd letter of your first name, 3rd letter of your last name, any letter of your middle name, 2nd letter of your moms maiden name, 3rd letter of your dads middle name, 1st letter of your siblings first name, last letter of your moms middle name): Aslolmn 8. YOUR WITNESS PROTECTION NAME: (mother's middle name): Eileen 9. YOUR GOTH NAME: (black, and the name of one your pets) Black Unknown ( i dont have a pet...lol) If you have ever seen a movie (or show) so many times that you can quote it word for word. And you do at random moments; copy and paste this in your profile. Copy and paste this on your bio if you think there should be a national holiday devoted to chocolate. 93 percent of American teens would have a severe emotional breakdown if someone called them a freak. If you're a part of the 7 percent who would ask the person, "What was your first clue?", copy this into your profile. Excerpts from a Dog’s Diary Excerpts from a Cat’s Diary My captors continue to taunt me with bizarre little dangling objects. They dine lavishly on fresh meat, while the other inmates and I are fed hash or some sort of dry nuggets. Although I make my contempt for the rations perfectly clear, I nevertheless must eat something in order to keep up my strength. The only thing that keeps me going is my dream of escape. In an attempt to disgust them, I once again vomit on the carpet. Today I decapitated a mouse and dropped its headless body at their feet. I had hoped this would strike fear into their hearts, since it clearly demonstrates what I am capable of. However, they merely made condescending comments about what a “good little hunter” I am. Bastards. There was some sort of assembly of their accomplices tonight. I was placed in solitary confinement for the duration of the event. However, I could hear the noises and smell the food. I overheard that my confinement was due to the power of “allergies.” I must learn what this means and how to use it to my advantage. Today I was almost successful in an attempt to assassinate one of my tormentors by weaving around his feet as he was walking. I must try this again tomorrow—but at the top of the stairs. I am convinced that the other prisoners here are flunkies and snitches. The dog receives special privileges. He is regularly released—and seems to be more than willing to return. He is obviously retarded. The bird has got to be an informant. I observe him communicating with the guards regularly. I am certain that he reports my every move. My captors have arranged protective custody for him in an elevated cell, so he is safe. For now … ／l、 Yaaaay kitty! This is Kitty. Copy and paste Kitty into your -- The English Language-- There is no egg in eggplant, nor ham in hamburger; neither apple nor pine in pineapple. And while no one knows what is in a hotdog, you can be pretty sure it isn't canine. English muffins were not invented in England nor French fries in France. Sweetmeats are candies, while sweetbreads, which aren't sweet, are meat. We take English for granted. But if we explore its paradoxes, we find that quicksand can work slowly, boxing rings are square, and guinea pig is neither from Guinea nor is it a pig. And why is it that writers write, but fingers don't fing, grocers don't groce, and hammers don't ham? If the plural of tooth is teeth, why isn't the plural of booth, beeth? One goose, 2 geese. So one moose, two meese? Is cheese the plural of choose? One mouse, 2 mice. One louse, 2 lice. One house, 2 hice? If teachers taught, why didn't preachers praught? If a vegetarian eats vegetables, what does a humanitarian eat? Why do people recite at a play, and play at a recital? Ship by truck or car and send cargo by ship? Have noses that run and feet that smell? Park on driveways and drive on parkways? How can a slim chance and a fat chance be the same, while a wise man and a wise guy are opposites? How can the weather be hot as heck one day and cold as heck another? When a house burns up, it burns down. You fill in a form by filling it out and an alarm clock goes off by going on. You get in and out of a car, yet you get on and off a bus. When the stars are out, they are visible, but when the lights are out, they are invisible. And why, when I wind up my watch, I start it, but when I wind up this essay, I end it? English is a silly language ... it doesn't know if it is coming or going!! In Honor of Stupid People In case you needed further proof that the human race is doomed to stupidity, here are some actual label instructions on consumer goods: On a Sears hairdryer -- Do not use while sleeping. (Shoot, and that's the only time I have to work on my hair.) On a bag of Fritos -- You could be a winner! No purchase necessary. Details inside. (The shoplifter special)? On a bar of Dial soap -- "Directions: Use like regular soap," (and that would be how??...) On some Swanson frozen dinners -- "Serving suggestion: Defrost." (But, it's "just" a suggestion). On Tesco's Tiramisu dessert (printed on bottom) -- "Do not turn upside down." (Well...duh, a bit late, huh)! On Marks & Spencer Bread Pudding -- "Product will be hot after heating." (...and you thought??...) On packaging for a Rowena iron -- "Do not iron clothes on body." (But wouldn't this save me more time)? On Boot's Children Cough Medicine -- "Do not drive a car or operate machinery after taking this medication." (We could do a lot to reduce the rate of construction accidents if we could just get those 5-year-olds with head-colds off those forklifts.) On Nytol Sleep Aid -- "Warning: May cause drowsiness." (and...I'm taking this because??...) On most brands of Christmas lights -- "For indoor or outdoor use only." (As opposed to...what)? On a Japanese food processor -- "Not to be used for the other use." (Now, somebody out there, help me on this. I'm a bit curious) On Sainsbury's peanuts -- "Warning: contains nuts." (Talk about a news flash) On an American Airlines packet of nuts -- "Instructions: Open packet, eat nuts." (Step 3: maybe, ooh...fly Delta?) On a child's Superman costume -- "Wearing of this garment does not enable you to fly." (I don't blame the company. I blame the parents for this one.) On a Swedish chainsaw -- "Do not attempt to stop chain with your hands." (Oh my ...was there a lot of this happening somewhere?) I understand that Scissors can beat Paper, and I get how Rock can beat Scissors, but there's no way Paper can beat Rock. Is Paper supposed to magically wrap around Rock leaving it immobile? If so, why can't paper do this to scissors? Screw scissors, why can't paper do this to people? Why aren't sheets of college ruled notebook paper constantly suffocating students as they attempt to take notes in class? I'll tell you why, because paper can't beat anybody, a rock would tear that crap up in two seconds. When I play rock/ paper/ scissors, I always choose rock. Then when somebody claims to have beaten me with their paper I can punch them in the face with my readymade fist and say, oh, I'm sorry, I thought paper would protect you, you asshole! For me, crazy is a loose term. Crazy is when you stare at a pencil and laugh when someone asks you what you are doing that is so interesting about the eraser. Crazy is when you have an hour-long sob fest, and then start singing and dancing when your favorite song comes on. Crazy is when you do or say a completely random thing, like "Do you ever wonder where the eraser bits go?" or having a thumb war with yourself. Crazy is when you type up all your favorite sayings, print them off and tape them to your wall, just for something to do. Crazy is when you memorize the complete biographies and physical traits of every character in Twilight (or almost, at least). Crazy is when you write Emmett or Edward Cullen is hot on your homework instead of doing it. Crazy is downloading all of Twilight and New Moon off the books on C.D. from the library, and listening to them over and over again. Crazy is when you start getting antisocial because you want to read instead of hanging out with your friends. Crazy is when you laugh about how Edward Cullen thinks Bella is DEAD in New Moon, even though it's a very serious matter, and your sister hears you and asks why you're laughing so loud and you tell her and she just cries about it because she thinks it's sad. Crazy is when you head bang to a slow song, or become obsessed with the song "Let it Die" by Three Days Grace because it reminds you of Edward Cullen for some odd reason. Crazy is naming your winter jacket Mr. Puffy and your best friend naming hers Mrs. Puffy and letting them marry for the winter. Then at the end of the winter, they both retire and divorce each other. Crazy is when you are taking a math test and go over on your scrap sheet of paper to work out the problem, and start drawing spirals until the teacher goes five minutes left! Crazy is having a major argument with your friend...and I mean major...it's still going on and it has already been a year...about which one is better: pudding or jello. Crazy is when you start laughing until you butt falls off for no apparent reason and your mom comes in the room and goes like, "What the hell is going on?" Crazy is if you suddenly yell, 'PARTY IN MY TUMMY!' and everyone stares at you in Pre-Algebra class. Crazy is when you try to email Stephanie Meyer to hurry up and write Midnight Sun otherwise your dad will beat the crap out of her. REASONS WHY A BANANA IS A DEADLY WEAPON OF WAR: 1.) Brutal weapon: Hit someone with it. It'll make you feel better. :D 2.) It's healthful: Eat it. It's good for you. 3.) Can be used for stealth reasons: Take peal and place it on the ground. Someone walks by. They slip. No proof it was you. 4.) Round up new recruits: Go deep into forest with a guy who can speak ape/monkey. Find an ape/monkey. Give bananas as peace offering. They take bananas, and in return, join and fight in your army. ;) YOUR GUY SIDE: (bold applies to me) You love hoodies. TOTAL: 14/25 YOUR GIRL SIDE: (bold applies to me) You wear lip gloss/chapstick. You smile a lot more than you should. TOTAL: 20/24 (Wow it's a good thing that I'm more of a girl than a boy seeing that I am a girl...lol) THIS IS A PICTURE OF A GIANT RUBBER DUCKY! -Squeals!- http://blogs.guardian.co.uk/news/pail13.jpg Ways You Can Tell You Are A Sad Sack You get fired from your job at McDonalds. A girl and guy were speeding over 100mph on a motorcycle Girl: Slow down, I'm scared! Guy: No, this is fun. Girl: No, it's not. Please, I'm scared. Guy: Then tell me you love me. Girl: I love you, now slow down! Guy: Now give me a big hug. She gives him a big hug Guy: Can you take off my helmet and put it on yourself, it's bothering me. In the newspaper the next day, a motorcycle had crashed into a building because of brake failure. Two people were on it and only one survived. The truth was that halfway down the road, the guy realized his break wasn't working but he didn't want the girl to know. Instead he had her hug him and tell him one last time that she loved him. Then he had her put on his helmet so that she could live. If you would do this for a loved one copy and paste into your profile. For people that hate stereotypes: If you think people should just shut up and stop, put this on your profile. (BOLD the ones you are.) I'm SKINNY, so I MUST be anorexic. copy and paste if you agree. I Am That Girl I am the girl that doesn't go to school dances, or games, and when I do go, I sit in a corner and read a book. I am the girl that people look through when I say something. I am the girl that spends most of her free time reading, writing, or doing other activities that most teenagers wouldn't call normal. I am the girl that people call weird and a freak either behind my back or to my face. I am the girl that doesn't spend all her time on MySpace, or talking to a girlfriend on a cell phone or regular phone. I am the girl that hasn't been asked out in a year. I am the girl that has stopped to smell the flowers and jump and splash in the rain. BUT I am also the girl who knows and is proud to be who she is, doesn’t care if people calls her weird (it's a compliment), who loves reading and writing and doing the things that no one seems to have the time to do any more, who loves and is obsessed with Twilight, who can express herself better with words than actions, who doesn't need a guy to complete her, and knows the importance of the little things. (If you are anything like me, so the girls who are different and unique can know in their weakest time that they are unique but not alone) I'm not clumsy! The floor just hates me. Being weird is like being normal, only better. I'm so gangster, I carry a squirt gun. The best place to hide is in plain sight. I like you. When I rule the world, your death shall be quick and painless. If I asked for your opinion, I'd take the tape off your mouth. Did you just call me a bitch? Because a bitch is a dog. Dogs bark. Bark is on trees. Trees are a part of nature. And nature is beautiful. I know I'm beautiful! Thanks for the complement. I called your boyfriend gay and he hit me with his purse. Boys are like trees -they take 50+ years to grow up. You say I'm not cool. But cool is another word for cold. If I'm not cold, I'm hot. I know I'm hot. Thanks for embracing it. Life was so simple when boys had cooties. I ran with scissors, and lived! "Wal-Mart, do they like, sell walls there?" - Paris Hilton. I hear voices, and they don't like you. I'm the kind of person that walks into a door and apologizes. Always forgive your enemies - Nothing annoys them so much. If Barbie is so popular, why do you have to buy her friends? When everything's coming your way, you're in the wrong lane. I used to have an open mind but my brains kept falling out. I couldn't repair your brakes, so I made your horn louder. For Sale: Parachute. Only used once, never opened, small stain. Do you have trouble making up your mind? Well, yes or no? If everything seems to be going well, you have obviously overlooked something. Many people quit looking for work when they find a job. When I'm not in my right mind, my left mind gets pretty crowded. You know the speed of light, so what's the speed of dark? Join The Army, Visit exotic places, meet strange people, then kill them. I poured Spot remover on my dog. Now he's gone. Evening news is where they begin with 'Good evening', and then proceed to tell you why it isn't. Before borrowing money from a friend, decide which you need more. (Friend or Money !) Death is hereditary. There are three sides to any argument: your side, my side and the right side. A consultant is someone who takes a subject you understand and makes it sound confusing. Never argue with a fool. People might not know the difference. When you're right, no one remembers. When you're wrong, no one forgets. Cheer up, the worst is yet to come. Always remember that you are absolutely unique. Just like everyone else. Everyone makes mistakes. The trick is to make mistakes when nobody is looking. They say hard work never hurts anybody, but why take the chance. Always borrow money from a pessimist. He won't expect it back. I like work. It fascinates me. I sit and look at it for hours. If you can't see the bright side of life, polish the dull side. Where there's a will, there are five hundred relatives. Everybody wants to go to heaven, but nobody wants to die. "When life gives you lemons, make grape soda and let the world wonder how you did it." "When life gives you lemons, hand them back and say 'make your own damn lemonade'." "Before you insult someone walk a mile in their shoes, that way when you do insult them you are a mile away and you have their shoes." "(Band teacher to farting kid) Now if only we could get the tubas to reach that pitch..." "Haikus are easy But sometimes they don't make sense Refrigerator." "Caffeine first, saving the world later." "I don't suffer from insanity, I enjoy every minute of it." "SOS-Save our Spaghetti" "SOR-Save our ramen" "Who ever said anything was possible never tried nailing jello to a tree." "I used to have a handle on life, but it broke." "Being pissed off is WAY better than being pissed on." Build a bridge and get over it. "When you close the fridge, does the light really go off?" "Good morning, star shine, the earth says hello!" "Don't assume, it makes an ass out of you and me. " If a man is standing in the middle of the forest speaking, and there is no woman around to hear him, is he still wrong? Everyone is gifted. Some open the package sooner. Suburbs are areas where they cut down trees and then name the streets after them. The 50-50-90 rule: Anytime you have a 50-50 chance of getting something right, there's a 90 probability you'll get it wrong. I'd like to help you out. Which way did you come in? Strangers have the best candy. Out of my mind. Back in five minutes. A clear conscience is usually the sign of a bad memory. If at first you DO succeed, try not to look astonished! If I want your opinion, I'll ask you to fill out the necessary forms. When the blind leadeth the blind, get out of the way. Keep smiling - it makes everyone wonder what you're up to. Never drink water - if it can rust iron, imagine what it can do to your stomach. There's always a light at the end of the tunnel...just hope it's NOT a train! I'm not littering... I'm donating to the earth. If it doesn't fit, force it; if it breaks, it needed replacement anyway. If you don’t like the way I drive, get off the sidewalk! Chaos, panic, pandemonium - my work here is done. DEAR IRS, Please cancel my subscription. God, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to hide the bodies of the people I had to kill because they annoyed me. Proofread carefully to see if you any words out. A tree never hits an automobile except in self-defense. Buy one for the price of two and get the second one free! Did you know that dolphins are so intelligent that within only a few weeks of captivity, they can train Americans to stand at the very edge of the pool and throw them fish? How long a minute is depends on what side of the bathroom door you're on. If the left side of your brain controls the right side of your body, then only left handed people are in their right mind. If two wrongs don't make a right, try three. If you blow in a dog's face-he'll get mad at you, but take him for a ride in the car - the first thing he does is stick his head out of the window! Man is a peculiar creature. He spends a fortune making his home insect-proof and air-conditioned, and then eats in the yard. Only in America do we have drive up ATM's with Braille on them. The only 15 letter word that can be spelled without repeating a letter is 'uncopyrightable'! The only ones who aren't grateful on Thanksgiving are turkeys. Whoever said nothing is impossible never tried slamming a revolving door. Education is what you get from reading the small print. Experience is what you get from not reading it. It doesn't matter what temperature the room is. It's always room-temperature. Money may not buy happiness, but it sure makes misery much easier to live with. Anyone who says 'Easy as taking candy from a baby' has never tried it. ALWAYS LATE but worth the wait. I'd have a photographic memory but it was never developed. I'm actually quite pleasant until I'm awake. If you're too open-minded your brains will fall out. Ever stop to think, and forget to start again? If pro is the opposite of con, what's the opposite of progress? I never made a mistake in my life; at least, never one that I couldn´t explain away afterwards. It´s funny- the people who want quiet are always the loudest getting everyone else to shut up. Imagine how much deeper the ocean would be without sponges. I would rather you hate me for everything i am, then have you love me for something i'm not. It's mind over matter. If i don't mind you, then you don't matter. Beer is proof God loves us - Benjamin Franklin When someone annoys you it takes 42 muscles to frown about it but it only takes 4 muscles to extend your arm and punch the crap out of them. YAY!! "Whatever you do, follow your heart- Just take your brain with you!" "Big girls don't cry- we get even" "You can fall from a tree, and you can fall from a cliff. But the best way to fall, is to fall in love." "When I was in grade school they asked me to write what i wanted to be when I grew up. I said happy. They said I didn't understand the assignment. I say they didn't understand life." Whoever said money can´t buy happiness doesn´t know where to shop. Apparently, 1 in 5 people in the world are Chinese. And there are 5 people in my family, so it must be one of them. It's either my mum or my dad. Or my older brother Colin. Or my younger brother Ho-Chan-Chu. But I think it's Colin. Duct tape is like the force. It has a light side, a dark side, and it holds the universe together. Death is inevitable; don't fear it; love it, embrace it, stare at while it confronts you then turn around and run away, screaming for daddy. He Said: I don't know why you wear a bra, you have nothing to put in it. My best friends are the kind that if my house were on fire, they'd be roasting marsh mellows and flirting with the firemen. I smile because I have no idea what's going on! I make the cowardly lion look like the terminator! I stay as confused as a gangster with a skateboard. I used to be normal, until I met the freaks that I call my friends. Ever stop to think and forget to start again? Therapist = The/rapist... scary thought Don't run in the school hall, gliding is more fun! There is no "I" in team but there is an "I" in PIE and there is an "I" in MEATPIE and MEAT is an anagram of TEAM... Be a loser! Because being cool is so overrated! It's always the last place you look...of course it is, why the hell would I keep looking after I found it? Isn't Disney World just a people trap operated by a mouse? Edward is a perfect angel: God created angels: Carlisle created Edward into a vampire, so God is Carlisle. That and everyone of us woke up, saw Carlisle and thought he was God. All the good guys are either gay, married, or fictional characters in books. Everything here is eatable. Even I'm eatable, my dear children, but that is called cannibalism and is frowned upon in most societies. My goal in life is to have everyone I ever come in contact with to fall in love with the Twilight series, and, more importantly, EDWARD!! I'm not prejudiced. I hate everyone equally. Borrow money from pessimists- they dont expect to get it back! I'm not paranoid...WHICH ONE OF MY ENEMIES TOLD YOU THIS?! If at first you don't succeed, destroy all evidence that you tried. If at first you don't succeed, redefine success. Success = Failure! When life hands you lemons, chuck 'em back at the guy who was demented enough to give them to you. Liar, liar, pants on fire, hanging from a cellphone wire. "Have you ever noticed that if you rearranged the letters in mother in law, they come out to Woman Hitler?" Isn't it funny how the word 'politics' is made up of the words 'poli' meaning 'many' in Latin, and 'tics' as in 'bloodsucking creatures’? I'm the kind of girl who will burst out laughing in the middle of a dead silence because of something that happened yesterday. A stranger stabs you in the front; a friend stabs you in the back; a boyfriend stabs you in the heart, but best friends only poke each other with straws. Don't think of yourself as an ugly person. Think of yourself as a beautiful monkey. You know it's going to be a bad day when you fall out of bed and miss the floor. Life isn't a garden so stop being a hoe. If life gives you lemons, throw them back at the jerk who gave 'em to ya and demand chocolate. Give a person a fish, you feed them for a day; Teach a person to use the Internet, they won't bother you for weeks. Some people are like a slinky..not really good for anything, but you can't help but smile when you shove them down the stairs. To be sure of hitting the target, shoot first and call whatever you hit the target. If someone says there are a billion stars in the universe, you believe them, but if someone say that there is wet paint somewhere you have to touch it? Having the love of your life say you can still be friends is like having your dog die and your mom saying you can still keep it. Don't frown, even when you’re sad, someone could be falling in love with your smile. I agree with the dictionary. Girls before guys, partying before studying, and friends before love. I'm not so good at advice. Can I interest you in a sarcastic comment? "God made man, and then he said, "I can do better than that," and made woman." - Adela Rodgers St. Johns The only thing I was fit for was to be a writer, and this notion rested solely on my suspicion that I would never be fit for real work, and that writing didn't require any. No man is exempt from saying silly things; the mischief is to say them deliberately If the sky is the limit, then what is space, over the limit? Are children who act in rated 'R' movies allowed to see them? There are 3 kinds of people: those who can count & and those that can't. Artificial Intelligence is no match for Natural Stupidity A conclusion is simply the place where you got tired of thinking. Everybody makes mistakes. The trick is to make them when no one is looking. Sarcasm: just one of the services I offer. Life is all about ass. Everyone's either covering it, laughing it off, kicking it, kissing it, trying to get a piece of it, or simply, just being one. When I say LOL I'm not laughing out loud. I just have nothing better to say. I find "good morning" a contradiction of terms Last night, I lay in bed looking up at the stars in the sky and thought to myself, "Where the heck is the ceiling?" They say hard work never hurts anybody, but why take the chance. Wise men talk because they have something to say; fools, because they have to say something. I can resist everything except temptation. Fake is the latest trend, and everyone seems to be in. I’m too busy to be organized. I’ve got nothing to say, don’t make me say it twice. My Reality Check bounced. It matters not whether you win or lose: what matters is whether I win or lose. Perfect the art of looking innocent... then you can get away with anything. When mama ain’t happy, ain’t nobody happy. If daddy ain’t happy, don’t nobody care. Laws were meant to be broken; Lawyers are for when you get caught. Rules, what rules? Police arrested two kids yesterday, one was drinking battery acid, and the other was eating fireworks. They charged one and let the other off. You're only as strong as the table you dance on, the drinks you mix and the friends you roll with. A woman’s mind is cleaner than a man’s, she changes it more often. My door is always open, so feel free to leave. Not all men are idiots, some are fools. Hate: a special kind of love given to people that suck. If you don't like me, there is nothing I can do. Here's a newsflash Honey, I don't live to please you. If you have any questions, ask someone else. Shock me, say something intelligent When it rains on my party, I bust out the slip n' slide. I don't suffer from insanity I enjoy every minute of it. Normal people worry me. A friend is someone who reaches for your hand and touches your heart. I’ve lost my mind. If you see it by the side of the road please pick it up. Love is like the wind... you can’t see it, but you can feel it. Love is like war: easy to start, hard to end, and impossible to forget. It takes a minute to like someone, an hour to know someone, a day to love someone, but a lifetime to forget them. The greatest challenge in life is to find someone who knows all your flaws, differences, and mistakes, and yet still sees the best in you. Music is like candy-you throw away the rappers. Don't hate yourself in the morning-sleep till noon. I think you're breaking my Gay-dar Don't settle for the one person you can live with...wait for the one person you can't live without. My head is saying "Who cares?" but my heart is saying "You do stupid!" You know what makes letting go of a crush so hard? The fear that the moment you let go, they'll catch on. I'm one of those really bad things that happens to undeserving people. Don't lie. The government hates competition. I wear black because I'm mourning your existence. 1 out of every 4 people are insane. Look at your three best friends, if it's not them, it's you. My imaginary friend thinks that you have serious problems. Don't follow in my footsteps, I tend to walk into walls Those who cannot remember the past are going to spend a lot of time in mall parking lots looking for their cars (or in parking garages...lol) There are no stupid questions, just stupid people. :D (who ask stupid questions) They say "Guns don't kill people, people kill people." Well I think the guns help. If you stood there and yelled BANG, I don't think you'd kill too many people. When life gives you lemons throw them at the mean people and hope it gets them in the eyes. "It takes 43 muscles to frown and 17 to smile, but it doesn't take any to just sit there with a dumb look on your face." "Give credit when desired." There's nothing wrong with arguing with yourself. It's when you argue with yourself and LOSE it's weird. Questions Why Why do we press harder on a remote control when we know the batteries are almost dead? Why do banks charge a fee on “insufficient funds” when they already know there is not enough money? Why does someone believe you when you say there are four billion stars; but have to check when you say the paint is still wet? Why doesn’t Tarzan have a beard? Why does Superman stop bullets with his chest, but ducks when you throw a revolver at him? Why do Kamikaze pilots wear helmets? Whose idea was it to put an “S” in the word “lisp”? If people evolved from apes, why are there still apes? Why is it that no matter what color bubble bath you use the bubbles are always white? Is there ever a day that mattresses are not on sale? Why do people constantly return to the refrigerator with hopes that something new to eat will have materialized? Why do people keep running over a string a dozen times with their vacuum cleaner, then reach down, pick it up, examine it, then put it down to give the vacuum one more chance? Why is it that no plastic bag will open from the end on your first try? How do those dead bugs get into those enclosed light fixtures? When we are in the supermarket and someone rams our ankle with a shopping cart then apologizes for doing so, why do we say, “It’s all right?” Well, it isn’t all right, so why don’t we say, “That really hurt, why don’t you watch where you’re going?” Why is it that whenever you attempt to catch something that’s falling off the table you always manage to knock something else over? Why the sun lightens our hair, but darkens our skin? Why women can't put on mascara with their mouth closed? Why don't you ever see the headline "Psychic Wins Lottery" Why is "abbreviated" such a long word? Why is it that doctors call what they do "practice"? Why is it that to stop Windows 98, you have to click on "Start"? Why is lemon juice made with artificial flavor, and dishwashing liquid Why is the man who invests all your money called a broker? Why is the time of day with the slowest traffic called rush hour? Why isn't there mouse-flavored cat food? When dog food is new and improved tasting, who tests it? Why didn't Noah swat those two mosquitoes? Why do they sterilize the needle for lethal injections? You know that indestructible black box that is used on airplanes? Why Why is there Braille on the drive up ATM machine?? Why don't sheep shrink when it rains? Why do we park in the driveway and drive on the park way? Why are they called apartments when they are all stuck together? In winter, why do we try to keep the house as warm as it was in summer when we complained about the heat? How come you never hear father-in-law jokes? Why does the last piece of ice always stick to the bottom of the cup? Why did Yankee Doodle name the feather in his hat Macaroni? Who was the first person to look at a cow and say, "I think I'll squeeze these dangly things here and drink what comes out"? Who was the first person to say, "See that chicken over there ... I'm gonna eat the first thing that comes out if its butt"? Why do we wash behind our ears? Who really looks there? Why don't the hairs on your arms get split ends? If an atheist has to go to court, do they make him swear on the Bible? Why is it illegal to park in a handicapped parking space but it's ok to use a handicapped toilet? Why is it that if something says, "do not eat" on the packaging it becomes extra tempting to eat? Wouldn't it be smart to make the sticky stuff on envelopes taste like chocolate? I mean DUH! Why is it that when things get wet they get darker, even though water is clear?? Can mute people burp? What happens if you put this side up face down while popping microwave popcorn? Why is chopsticks one of the easiest songs to play on the piano, but the hardest thing to eat with? How come you play at a recital, but recite at a play? Why is there that little space inside strawberries, as if it was meant for a pit, and then the seeds are on the outside? Why isn't chocolate considered a vegetable, if chocolate comes from cocoa beans, and all beans are a vegetable? Do they have girl’s bathrooms in gay bars? Why is toilet bowl cleaning liquid only blue? Why is it when we talk to God we are praying, but when God talks to us we are put into the loony bin? Why do you go “back and forth” to town if you really must go forth before you go back? Why is vanilla ice cream white when vanilla extract is brown? Why can't you get a tan on your palms? If you're sick for one week and on one of those days they had to cancel school because of snow, do you have to make up that day in June? Why do dogs sniff other dog’s butts to say hello, why don’t they just bark in their face or something? Why do companies offer you "free gifts?" Since when has a gift NOT been free? If something "goes without saying," why do people still say it? You know the expression, "Don't quit your day job?" Well what do you say to people that work nights? Why do you get in trouble for blocking an exit when you're standing in the doorway? Why is it when some products you have to turn it upside down to read the directions, and the directions say do not turn upside down? Why is a square meal served on round plates? Why is the 0 on a phone after 1 and not before 1? Which way does a compass point in space? Why are people allowed to put naked statues outside but why can't we run outside naked? Why do all superheroes wear spandex? If mars had earthquakes would they be called marsquakes? Why did Mary own a little lamb? If a missing person sees their picture on a milk carton that offers a reward, would they get the money? If the president were gay, would his husband be the first man? Why are Pringles curved? What happens if your snot freezes in your nose? Why aren't safety pins as safe as they say they are? Do they lie? If overalls are held up by the snaps at the top, then why do they have belt loops? Why is it that it's good to score under par in golf but it's bad to be “under par” in anything else? If con is the opposite of pro, is Congress the opposite of progress? If flying is so safe, why do they call the airport the terminal? Have you ever been captured by evil squirrels and taken to their secret squirrel hideout, but rescued by your vampire love, who ran around with a machine gun shouting die squirrels, die? Are you ever worried about the fact that your stalker isn't stalking anymore? If the sky is the limit, then what is space, over the limit? Why does an 'X' stand for kiss? If olive oil comes from olive's then where does baby oil come from? If quitters never win, and winners never quit, how can it be good to 'quit while you're ahead?' Whose cruel idea was it for the word 'lisp' to have an 's' in it? How is it possible to have a civil war? If a fork were made of gold would it still be called silver ware? Can you make a candle out of your earwax? "Cute as a button." Is that supposed to be a compliment? Since when are buttons cute? Can you breathe out of your nose and mouth at the same time? Are marbles made of marble? If you pay for a vacation and your plane crashes on the way there, do you get your money back? (Granted you lived) If electricity comes from electrons, does morality come from morons? Do illiterate people get the full effect of Alphabet soup? Can you get cornered in a round room? If you're scared to swim but love water, how does that make sense? | |||||||
United States
