HEY PEOPLES!! it's me, Duchess. i'm gonna be doing most everything here but if u want to talk to my girl Shadow, just pm me i'll get the message to her. OH!! and joining us is my fav. imoto-san (my YOUNGER twin). Lady Pixie of the Night is a die-hard SasuSaku fan so all of our SasuSaku fics r probably prompted by her. Also we now have my cuz Princess of the Underworld on here (whether she wants to be or not!!) So PM if u want to talk to me, Shadow, Pix, or Princess.

We all formally apoligize in advance for late updating. Late updating is caused by one word: life. and school. and parents. Okay, basically a whole bunch of junk, but what's 4 teenage girls to do?

ANYWAYS!! Stuff that we are working on getting done:

1. Meant To Be - waiting for inspirition to hit me (or to be inspired by a reviewer hint hint)

2. Tea and Sympathy - To be up soon. Hopefully. It's longer than most and kind of imtimidating to type. (which is a lame @ reason but watev)

MORE STUFF TO COME:

1. Saya/Haji (Blood+)

Ok the schedule is not hepling anyone cuz I'm not following it. You may have noticed I deleted to items from it. That's cuz I have no clue what happened to Unwanted Invaders and The Uchiha Brothers and the Girl in the Middle is so cliched it's not funny.

OH OH!! NEWS UPDATE!! I found Unwanted Invaders BUT it sucked really hard SO I am not going to post it. Cuz it sucked. Hard. That is all.

KK all about me. I'll get Shadow and Pix to do it later, k?

Name: Duchess or Al

age: 15

Birthday: July 4th

favorite colors: Red, White, Blue, and Black

favorite sayings: Dork!! Loser!! Dude, what the f!&) is ur problem?! and That's sick!

Favorite scents: Rasberry Vanilla, Fruity Melon, Glacier Mist, Pomegranite, Cherry Blossom, White Cherry Blossom, Japanese Cherry Blossom, Cucumber Melon, and Victoria's Secret's Love Spell

Favorite ice cream flavors: Strawberry, Cookies 'n' Cream, and Vanillaand

Youtube account: ShikamaruXTemari

Favey drink: Pepsi, and tea that is loaded with sugar

Pets: 2 dogs (Arabelle, a Black Lab/Austrailia Shepard Mix, and Beau, a Golden Retreiver/Cocker Spaniel Mix) and 2 cats (Lexi, a gray Tabby and Charlotte, a Tortie)

Favorite food: Potatoes, in any shape or form. they ummy!! o and Ramen. that good too. (but i don't love it as much as Naruto does. lol)

Favorite season: Winter (I love the cold because i never get cold; unless i'm sick but that's different)

Hugs or kisses: Both

Cherries or blueberries: Cherries!

What's on the floor of my closet?: A whole bunch of junk: Purses, air mattresses, sleeping bags, shoes, and boxes of all shapes and sizes. I need to get rid of those boxes. They have nothing in them.

Fears: Heights, clowns, serial killers, and on occasion the dark. o and death. i have a healthy fear of death. Kinda like Roy Mustang!! But my greatest fear? The dark depths of my own mind.

Favorite day of the week: Saturday (cuz that's when Naruto, Bakugan, Bleach, FullMetal Alchemist, and Code Geass comes on. Plus, no school. Always a good thing)

Favorite Holidays: Forth of July (my B-Day) Christmas (PRESENTS!! and Jesus's B-Day!!) Anybody's B-Day I like!!

Things that piss me off: People who act like they are better than everyone around them.

Here's Pixie's!!

Name: Lady Pixie of the Night

age: 14

Birthday: Sept 24

favorite colors: blue, black, red, purple

favorite sayings: You should know that by now!!

Favorite scents: berries, vanilla,cinnimon

Favorite ice cream flavors: vanilla, cookies'n'cream, and sherbert

Youtube account: none

Favey drink: Apple juice, fruit punch

Pets: none (Duchess: Now that's just sad)

Favorite food: pizza, ramen

Favorite season: winter

Hugs or kisses: hugs

Cherries or blueberries: cherries

What's on the floor of my closet?: blankets and books

Fears: snakes, spiders (Duchess: How can you be afraid of spiders? I love spiders.)

Favorite day of the week: saturday

Favorite Holidays: chrismas, holloween,thanksgiving

Things that piss me off: making fun of me or my best friends, annoying me, and my neighbor

Omg it took Shadow 3 EFFIN' MONTHS for her to do this. REALLY!!

Name: Shadow Queen

age: 15

Birthday: Feb. 24

favorite color: lime green, baby blue ( It usually depends on the day)

favorite sayings: NO sh shelock, to many to list ( they change depending on the day to : ) )

Favorite scents: Apple

Favorite ice cream flavors: Coolies n' Creme (Duchess: It's "cookies", hun.)

Favey drink: Dr. Pepper (Duchess: Omigosh, you have defective taste buds.)

Pets: Horses (Sir Glow Little Zipper aka Leon and Carmie) , 2 dogs, a guinea pig , a rabbit , and a pigmy goat

Favorite food: Sushi, Ramen (Also not as much as Naruto) (Duchess: Don't you mean "although"?)

Favorite season: I Like all of them

Hugs or kisses: Why have one when you can have both (Duchess: Damn straight)

Cherries or blueberries: B-L-U-E-B-E-R-R-I-E-S

What's on the floor of my closet?: To much stuff to list ( it does look neat though)

Fears: Dying Of course ( Like ROY)

Favorite day of the week: Friday and SAT. ( ANIME DUH!!)

Favorite Holidays: Christmas ( whole family gets together)

Things that piss me off: A lot of stuff (Duchess: Very descriptive, ain't it?)

Random Quotes between us and our friends and family:

Alyssa: I'm gonna be a good Catholic and not cuss.
Duchess: I bet I can make you cuss.
Alyssa: Yeah right. -Duchess pokes Alyssa-
Alyssa: You bitch.
Duchess: Told ya.
Alyssa: You bitch.
Duchess: Yeah, yeah.
Alyssa: You bitch.
Duchess: You know you love me!!
Random Lunch time conversation

Duchess: I bet I can confuse Ian.
George: How?
Duchess: Watch. -walks up to Ian-
Duchess: What was that, Ian?
Ian: What?
Duchess: What are you talking about?
Ian: What?
Duchess: What?
Ian: You said what.
Duchess: What what? Which what?
Ian: WHAT?!
Duchess: Told ya, George.
I was bored in PE so i started messing with my friend Ian's head. (BTW, George is Shadow's boyfriend. ADORABLE COUPLE!!)

Pink Amber: PEANUT FOOT MASCARA EGG BRITTNEY SPEARS!!
Something my girl Pink Amber said over PM. She said that it was her random quote.

Pink Amber: I CAN SUMMON LEMURS FROM AFAR!!
Told ya i was gonna post this one 2!!

Duchess walks up and slaps George for no reason on the first day of school
George: Nice hello!!
Duchess: It's been 2 long months since I slapped you!!

Princess: I'm not deaf!! I can feel stuff!!
What Princess said during a phone conversation between me, her, and her big sister.

Annie: What was homework last night??
Duchess: You say that like I actually did it.
Something my friend asked me. I had to tell her that I never do my homework. And have never got detention. Ever. Ok once but that was for tardies (which is the most asinine thing ever).

2-3=3.
What my math teacher told us.

Why would you need a bull and a cow to make more cows?
Something a girl in my class said when we were discussing metaphors involving cows for government.

I fell up and couldn't get up!
Something my Physics teacher said when trying to explain to us moronic freshman what negative displacement is.

Teacher: Write down your homework in your planners.
Girl: What the hell is that last one?
Teacher: If you hold on a second, I'll tell you what the HELL it is. You guys need to watch your language in my class, dammit.
My favorite teacher (my English teacher) talking to a girl in my class about the homework. We had to print out lyrics to a clean song and bring them in and the girl freaked out for some reason.

Duchess: Do you know what Notre Dame means?
Duchess' Mom: Big Igloo?
Duchess: o.O WTH?!

Duchess: Flattery will get you everywhere.
Alex: Everywhere?
Duchess: Perv.
A conversation through text between me and my Boss-Man, Alex.

Duchess: boom
Pixie: boom
Pixie: boom
Duchess: boom
Pixie: k i think that enough boom boom
Pixie: ew lala
Duchess: boom boom boom
Pixie: jkjk
Pixie: dorky dork dork
Duchess: of course
A convo that Pixie and I had over IM. She was complaining the other day that everyone but her had a quote on here.

Pixie: Oink I'm a cow
Duchess: o.O
Me and Pixie being freaks

Brandon: It's not a "one size fits all" kinda thing!
I will seriously write a request for anyone who figures out what we were talking about... i'll give you a hint: it wasn't PG

Duchess: Hairspray kicks Hannah Montana's ass into next week music-wise.
Me and my friend debated music. No offense to anyone who likes her, but Hannah Montana can't sing for crap. It pisses me off to no end that singers of much more talent are passed over for talentless legacies.

Announcer: Disneyland, the happiest place on Earth.
Hannah Montana song plays
Duchess: They killed my happy. They just shot my happy in the head.
We went to Disneyland when I went on vaca to Cali with my friend. They played a Hannah Montana song in a parade and I was like "Shit."

Petruchio: I'm going to go lie down, pull myself together, then I'm rip your knickers off and have sex with you.
Line from Shakespeare's Retold: The Taming of the Shrew

13131313131313131313131313

If you are a die-hard ShikaTema shipper and you know its only a matter of time before they become canon, post this on your profile.
If you believe geniuses can run into doors too, post this on your profile.
Is it just me or is Gaara really hot? If you think he is copy this and put it into your profile. UNITE GAARA LOVERS!!
If you hear voices in your head, copy and paste this onto your profile!
If you KNOW the voices in your head are real, copy and paste this onto your profile!
If you are crazy and/or insane and proud of it copy and paste this onto your profile
If you think that those stupid kids should just give that idiotic Trix rabbit some Trix, copy this into your profile. (they did in the 80's)
Ninety-five percent of the kids out there are concerned with being popular and fitting in. If you're part of the five percent who aren't, copy this, put it in your profile.
If you believe PREPS TRAVEL IN PACKS, copy this into your profile.
30 percent of kids go to college. The other 70 either drop-out or don't have the proper skills to. If you're one of the 30 percent that you know you're going to go to college, copy and paste this into your profile.
98 percent of teenagers do or have tried smoking pot. If you 2 who hasn't , post this in your profile
If you have ever tripped over your own feet, copy and paste this into your profile.
If you have ever fallen up the stairs copy this into your profile
If you have ever pushed on a door that said pull or vice versa copy this into your profile
If you have ever had a mad laughing fit for absolutely no reason, copy and paste this into your profile
if you hate NejiHina then copy & paste this into your profile
If you have ever run into a door, copy this into your profile.
My best friend is insane. If you agree, or if you have an insane friend, copy this into your profile!
If you have ever said something that has nothing to do with the current conversation, copy and paste this into your profile
If you've ever copied and pasted something onto your profile, copy and paste this onto your profile.
If you've ever asked a really stupid, obvious question, copy and paste this onto your profile.
If you have ever gotten so completely sidetracked in a conversation that you don't remember why you were talking in the first place, copy this into your profile.
If your profile is long, copy and paste this on it to make it even longer
Weird is good, strange is bad, and odd is when you don't know which to call someone. Weird is the same as different, which is the same as unique, then weird is good. If you are weird and proud of it, copy this onto your profile!
If there are times when you wanna annoy people just for the heck of it, copy this into your profile.
92 percent American teens would die if Abercrombie and Fitch told them it's uncool to breathe. Copy this into your profile if you would be in the 8 percent laughing their butts off at the others.
Less than 1 percent of teenagers don't use make-up. Are you one of those who don't? BE PROUD AND GLUE THIS THING IN YOUR PROFILE!
Too many kids and teenagers have smoked or tried marijuana. If you haven't, copy and paste this onto your profile.
if you dislike those obnoxious snobby people, PLEASE copy this into your profile.
If you've ever walked into a doorway that you could've clearly dodged, you just weren't paying close enough attention, copy and paste this on your profile.
Eighty percent of Americans don't smoke. If you're one of that eighty percent, copy and paste this into your profile.
Even when you can't see Him, GOD is there! if you believe in GOD put this in your profile.
If you like chocolate as much as I do, copy this in your profile.
Admitting you are weird means you are normal. Saying that you are normal is odd. If you admit that you are weird and like it, copy this onto your profile.
If you can read this message, you are blessed, because over two billion people in the world cannot read at all: -I cdnuolt blveiee taht I cluod aulaclty uesdnatnrd waht I was rdanieg. The phaonmneal pweor of the hmuan mnid. Aoccdrnig to a rscheearch at Cmabrigde Uinervtisy, it deosn't mttaer in waht oredr the ltteers in a wrod are, the olny iprmoatnt tihng is taht the frist and lsat ltteer be in the rghit pclae. The rset can be a taotl mses and you can sitll raed it wouthit a porbelm. Tihs is bcuseae the huamn mnid deos not raed ervey lteter by istlef, but the wrod as a wlohe. Amzanig huh? Yaeh and I awlyas toghuht slpeling was ipmorantt! Tahts so cool!
If you could read that put it in your profile!
For me, crazy is a loose term. Crazy is when you stare at a pencil and laugh when someone asks you what is so interesting about the eraser. Crazy is when you have an hour-long sob fest, and then start singing and dancing when your favorite song comes on. Crazy is when you do or say a completely random thing, like "Do you ever wonder where the eraser bits go?" or having a thumbwar with yourself. Crazy is when you type up all your favorite sayings, print them off and tape them to your wall, just for something to do. Crazy is when you memorize the complete biographies and physical traits of every character in Naruto (or almost, at least). Crazy is when you write Neji Hyuga or Itachi Uchiha is hot on your homework instead of doing it. Crazy is when you fill up the tab seperators in your binders with doodles/love notes/confessions of love/any other Naruto related thing you can think of about Naruto or the Naruto characters. Crazy is when you can open up Naruto and know exactly which part you're at by reading one word. Crazy is when you laugh when nothing's funny. Crazy is when you have OSD (Obsessive Sasuke Disorder). Crazy is when you crack up if someone says "Oatmeal!". Crazy is when you suddenly start blabbing about gourds and Hero's Water. Crazy is when you start laughing at the term 'cheap plastic' when no one else knows why. Crazy is when you randomly started laughing like a maniac during a test. If you're crazy, copy this onto your profile and add something crazy you've done to the list!

95 percent of teenagers care about popularity. If you like pretzels, copy and paste this into your profile.

If you're a fan of Bella Swan, then you've got issues, girl.

If you think that disclaimers are the most annoying things EVER Copy and paste this to your profile

If you've ever burst into song for no reason Copy and paste this to your profile

If you know someone that should be hit by a bus Copy and paste this to your profile

If you've reread Twilight over 4 times...copy/paste this into your profile.

If you have ever heard the voices of the characters of the book you're reading in your head...copy/paste this into your profile.

If you have ever fallen out of a chair backwards...copy/paste this into your profile.

If you've ever tripped over a WATCH YOUR STEP sign...copy/paste this into your profile.

If, for no reason, you have laughed at a part in a movie that really wasn't funny...copy/paste this into your profile.

If you have ever zoned out for more than five consecutive seconds...copy/paste this into profile.

If you've ever tried putting your hair behind your ears, and ended up poking yourself in the eye...copy/paste this into your profile.

If you have ever run into a mirror...copy/paste this into your profile.

If every locker you have ever had/have hates you and wouldn't/doesn't open up for you...copy/paste this into your profile.

If you are in love with a Twilight character, copy and paste this in your profile.

If you took the time to read all of these (and you usually do), copy and paste this onto your profile

If you have ever thought of something funny, started laughing, and fell & hit your head on something hard, and ended up laughing harder than you were before, copy and paste this into your profile.

If you've ever asked a really stupid, obvious question, copy and paste this one your profile.

If you are crazy and proud of it copy and paste this onto your profile.

Most people would be offended if someone asked them what was wrong with their mind. Copy this into your pro if you would be one of the few people that would answer, "Where to begin?"

If you are in lala land most of the time copy this into your profile.

If several inanimate objects hate you copy and paste this into your profile

If you have embarrassing memories that make you want to smack yourself/someone else, copy this into your profile.

If you have inside jokes...with yourself...copy and paste this into your profile.

If you've ever wished you could go into a book and strangle some of the characters for being so incredibly dumb, copy and paste this into your profile.

If at one time you misspelled or forgot how to spell a word less than four letters, copy and paste this onto your profile

If you think the semi-colon is completely useless, stupid, annoying and plotting to destroy the English language as we know it, put this in your pro!

If you think rock paper scissors solves everything then put this in your profile!

If you have a true friend, copy and paste this into your profile

If you read people's profiles looking for things to copy and paste into your profile, copy and paste this into your profile

If you have your own little world, copy and paste this into your profile

If you've ever talked to yourself, copy and paste this into your profile.

If you have ever not known where you were when there was a sign right next to you, copy and paste this into your profile

If you have ever tripped over air, copy and paste this into your profile.

If you have ever run into a door, copy and paste this into your profile.

If you're one of those people who get excited when you see just two reviews, paste this into your profile

If you're random, and proud of it, post this onto your profile.

If you have ever walked into the men's toilets instead of the ladies or vice versa, paste this onto your profile.

ADHD is Automatic Death by Hyperness Disorder.

If you have ever become so obsessed with something that it is NOT even funny anymore and people think you’re insane, copy this into your profile.

If you've been on the computer for hours on end, reading numerous fanfictions, copy this into your profile

If you have an odd sort of love/hate relationship with your computer, copy and paste this into your profile

If you've ever burst out laughing in a quiet room, add this to your profile.

If at least once a week, someone misspells or mispronounces your last name...copy and paste this onto your profile.

If you think those stupid kids should just give the rabbit the freakin' Trix, copy this into your profile

If you think the Coca-coca Puff Turky-Bird thing should go to rehab, copy this into your profile.

If you think that the kids should stop chasing Lucky and leave the leprechaun alone, then copy and paste this into your profile.

If you think Fred should just let Barney have the freakin' Coco Pebbles and stop chasing him, then copy and paste this in your profile.

If you have ever just wanted to SLAP someone, copy this onto your profile.

If you agree with Bella that her life without Edward is useless then copy this to your profile.

If you have ever missed your mouth when trying to take a sip of water, copy and paste this into your profile

You know your addiction to Twilight is getting dangerous when you've added "Volterra" to your computer's dictionary. If you have done just that, copy this into your profile

If you adore chocolate and frequently suffer from chocolate cravings while you have no access to the heavenly substance, copy this into your profile.

If one of your best friends IS insane, copy this into your profile.

If you think being unique is cooler than being cool, copy this to your profile.

If you and your friends have nicknames, titles, or anything else for each other copy this to your profile.

If there are times where you wanna annoy people, just for the heck of it copy this to your profile.

If you have ever forgotten what you were talking about in a conversation, copy and paste this onto your profile

If you spend multiple hours a day reading or writing or a combination of both, copy this onto your profile.

If people think you are mentally insane...copy and paste this onto your profile.

If you are obsessed with fanfiction copy this into your profile.

If you have ever forgotten what you were going to say, right before you say it, copy this into your profile.

If you think you have too many of these "copy and paste this into your profile" thingies, but have no intention of stopping now, copy and paste this into your profile.

Weird is good, strange is bad, and odd is when you don't know which to call someone. Weird is the same as different, which is the same as unique, than weird is good. If you are totally confused right now copy this onto your profile.

98 percent of teenagers do drugs and alcohol. If you like bagels, copy this into your profile.

93 percent of teenagers would have an emotional breakdown if someone called them a freak. If you are part of the 7 percent that would say "What was your first clue?” copy this onto your profile.

If you have ever walked into a wall, copy this onto your profile

If you've read Twilight, New Moon, and Eclipse over four times, copy this onto your profile

If you have read past 2 in the morning, copy this onto your profile

If you get ticked and throw a fit, screaming “I KNOW, DAMMIT”, until all the people in the room leave because someone said the characters of Twilight aren't real, copy this onto your profile

If you are addicted to copy and pastes, copy and paste this into your profile

People who say anything's possible haven't tried to slam a revolving door

If you're bored then paste this in your profile and let the world know you have nothing to do

If you've walked under something that was about two feet above your head and ducked anyway copy and paste this is your profile

If you've had at least two friends move away from you...copy and paste this onto your profile.

When it rains on my party, I bust out the slip n' slide.

We fall for stupid boys, we make lots of dumb mistakes, we like to act stupid, talk really fast, and laugh really loud. But us teenager girls, we're really good at one thing, staying strong.

I only have PMS on days that end in the letter "y".

If you get good grades and still know nothing at all, copy and paste this onto your profile.

You're just jealous because the voices in my head talk to me and not you.

I don't suffer from insanity... I enjoy every minute of it.

They say "Guns don't kill people, people kill people." Well I think the guns help. If you stood there and yelled BANG, I don't think you'd kill too many people.

I agree with the dictionary. Girls before guys, partying before studying, and friends before love.

I don't obsess! I think intensely.

All the good ones are either gay, married, vampires or fictional characters in books or movies.

If you haven't died yet, copy and paste this onto your profile.

If you've ever lost someone you loved, copy and paste this onto your profile.

AV is Addicted to Vampires

When you get caught looking at him, just remember, he was looking back!

My night in shining armour turned out to be a loser in aluminium foil.

Of all the things I’ve lost, I miss my mind the most.

Before you criticize some one, walk a mile in their shoes. That way you’re a mile away and you still have their shoes.

An apple a day keeps the doctor away, if well aimed.

One day we will look back on this, laugh nervously and change the subject.

I smile because I have no idea what’s going on.

Boys are like slinkeys, useless, but fun to watch fall down the stairs.

Dear Heart, I met a boy today, prepare to shatter.

I am on a quest to the deepest, darkest corners of my room in search of what some would call "a floor" - a long and difficult task awaits me. Wish me luck my friends for I may not return alive.

I was gifted, but the psychiatrist took away my powers

I can please only one person per day. Today is not your day. Tomorrow isn't looking good either.

If you think Jasper Hale is the cutest boy on the planet copy and paste this onto your profile.

If you think Jasper Hale is hot...copy and paste this onto your profile.

If you think iPods were gifts from the gods copy and paste this onto your profile.

If you're a proud stalker and obsessed love-struck girl of Jasper Whitlock Hale Cullen, copy this into your profile.

If you went to sleep at around 2 am reading Twilight and/or New Moon, copy and pastes this onto your profile.

If you have ever zoned out for more than five consecutive minutes, copy this into your profile.

If you have your own little world, copy and paste this into your profile.

If you think the human identification thing when you log in to fan fiction is annoying, copy and past this into your profile.

For me, crazy is a loose term. Crazy is when you stare at a pencil and laugh when someone asks you what you are doing that is so interesting about the eraser. Crazy is when you memorize the complete biographies and physical traits of every character in Twilight (or almost, at least). Crazy is when you write Emmett or Edward Cullen is hot on your homework instead of doing it. Crazy is when you call everyone in the phone book that has the last name Cullen. Crazy is when you memorize the year all the main characters were born AND where they were born AND how many times they’ve been married. If you're crazy, copy this onto your profile and add something crazy you've done to the list!

You laugh, I laugh. You cry, I cry. You hurt, I hurt. You jump off a bridge, I get a paddle boat and save your stupid a.

I called your boyfriend gay, and he hit me with his purse.

Emmett Cullen: Stronger Than You since 1916

Jasper Hale: Charming Ladies since 1843

Alice Cullen: Quirkier than You since 1901

Rosalie Hale: Better Than You since 1916

I read Eclipse and I wanted to kick Jacob Black REALLY REALLY HARD

OMC-Since Edward is a perfect angel, and God created angels, and Carlisle created Edward, into a vampire, so God is Carlisle. That and every one of us woke up, saw Carlisle, and thought he was God.

Parents spend the first part of our lives teaching us to walk and talk, and the rest of it telling us to sit down and shut up

If you've ever had a mad laughing fit for no reason, copy and paste this into your profile.

You know what makes letting go of a crush so hard? The fear that the moment you let go, they'll catch on.

It's true, Edward Cullen prefers brunettes. Sorry, Barbie you aren't Bella, and Edward isn't your Ken.

On a package of peanuts: open package, eat nuts. (What were you supposed to do? Throw them at the people sitting near you?)

On a child's Superman costume: Warning: Wearing this garment does not enable you to fly. (I blame the parents for that one)

There are very few personal problems that cannot be solved through a suitable application of high explosives.

I don't have an attitude problem. You have a perception problem.

I live in my own little world- but it's ok, they know me there.

The dinosaurs' extinction wasn't an accident. Barney came and they all commited suicide

Girls
are like
apples on trees.
The best ones are
at the top of the tree.The
boys dont want to reach
for the good ones because they
are afraid of falling and getting hurt.
Instead, they just get the rotten apples
from the ground that aren't as good,
but easy. So the apples at the top think
something is wrong with them, when in
reality, they're amazing. They just
have to wait for the right boy to
come along, the one who's
brave enough to
climb all
the way
to the top
of the tree

I understand that Scissors can beat Paper, and I get how Rock can beat Scissors, but there's no way Paper can beat Rock. Is Paper supposed to magically wrap around Rock leaving it immobile? If so, why can't paper do this to scissors? Screw scissors, why can't paper do this to people? Why aren't sheets of college ruled notebook paper constantly suffocating students as they attempt to take notes in class? I'll tell you why, because paper can't beat anybody, a rock would tear that crap up in two seconds. When I play rock/ paper/ scissors, I always choose rock. Then when somebody claims to have beaten me with their paper I can punch them in the face with my ready made fist and say, oh, I'm sorry, I thought paper would protect you

A good friend will comfort you when he rejects you. A best friend will go up and ask him, "It's because you're gay, isn't it?"

A good friend will be there for you when he breaks up with you. A best friend will call him up and whisper, "Seven days..."

A good friend helps you up when you fall. A best friend keeps on walking saying, "Walk much, dumb ass?"

A good friend helps you find your prince. A best friend kidnaps him and brings him to you.

A good friend will ask you if you're okay when you're crying. A best friend already has a shovel ready to bury the loser who made you cry.

A good friend will offer you a soda. A best friend will dump theirs on you.

A good friend will sit at the side of the pool with you at that time of the month. A best friend will throw you a tampon and push you in.

A good friend gives you their umbrella in the rain. A best friend takes yours and says, "Run - bz - run!"

A good friend will help you move. A best friend will help you move the bodies.

A good friend will bail you out of jail. A best friend would be in the room next to you saying, "That was awesome! Let's do it again!"

A good friend has never seen you cry. A best friend won't tell anyone else that you cried...just laugh about it in private with you when you aren't down anymore.

A good friend asks you to write down your number. A best friend has you on speed dial.

A good friend will leave you behind if that is what the crowd is doing. A best friend will kick the whole crowds ass that left you.

A good friend knows a few things about you. A best friend could write a very embarrassing biography on your life story.

A good friend tells you she knows how you feel. A best friend just sits down and cries.

Mommy..Johnny brought a gun to school,

He told his friends that it was cool,

And when he pulled the trigger back,

It shot with a great, huge crack.

Mommy, I was a good girl, I did what I was told,

I went to school, I got straight A's, I even got the gold!

When I went to school that day,

I never said good-bye.

I'm sorry that I had to go, But Mommy, please don't cry.

When Johnny shot the gun, he hit me and another,

And all because Johnny, got the gun from his brother.

Mommy, please tell Daddy; That I love him very much,

And please tell Zack; my boyfriend; That it wasn't just a crush.

And tell my little sister; That she is the only one now,

And tell my dear sweet grandmother; I'll be waiting for her now

And tell my wonderful friends; That they always were the best

Mommy, I'm not the first, I'm no better than the rest

Mommy, tell my teachers; I won't show up for class,

And never to forget this, And please don't let this pass

Mommy, why'd it have to be me? No one, though. deserves this.

But mommy, it's not fair, I left without a kiss.

And Mommy tell the doctors; I know that they really did try

I think I even saw one doctor, trying not to cry.

Mommy, I'm slowly dying, with a bullet in my chest,

But Mommy please remember, I'm in heaven with the rest

When I heard that great, big crack, I ran as fast as I could

please listen to me if you would,

I wanted to go to college, I wanted to try things that were new

I guess I'm not going with Daddy, On that trip to the new zoo

I wanted to get married, I wanted to have a kid,

I wanted to be an actress, I really wanted to live.

But Mommy I must go now, The time is getting late,

Mommy, tell my Zack, I'm sorry to cancel the date.

I love you Mommy, I always have, I know you know its true

And Mommy all I need to say is, "Mommy, I love you"

In Memory of The Columbine & Virginia Tech Students Who Were Lost

Why America has some issues (Yes, I live there, but tough. These are all clever.)

1. Only in
America...can a pizza get to your house faster than an
ambulance.

2. Only in America...are there handicap parking places
in front of a skating rink.

3. Only in America...do drugstores
make the sick walk all the way to the back of the store to get their
prescriptions while healthy people can buy cigarettes at the
front.

4. Only in America...do people order double cheeseburgers,
large fries, and a diet coke.

5. Only in America...do banks leave
both doors open and then chain the pens to the counters.

6. Only in
America...do we leave cars worth thousands of dollars in the driveway
and put
our useless junk in the garage.

7. Only in America...do we use
answering machines to screen calls and then have call waiting so we won't
miss a
call from someone we didn't want to talk to in the first place.

8.
Only in America...do we buy hot dogs in packages of ten and buns in
packages
of eight.

9. Only in America...do we use the word 'politics' to
describe the process so well: 'Poli' in Latin meaning 'many' and 'tics'
meaning
'bloodsucking creatures'

.
10. Only in America...do they have
drive-up ATM's with Braille lettering.

One day Mrs. Jones went to have a talk with the minister at the local church. "Reverend," she said, "I have a problem: my husband keeps falling asleep during your sermons. It's very embarrassing. What should I do?"

"I have an idea," said the minister. "Take this hatpin with you. I will be able to tell when Mr. Jones is sleeping, and I will motion to you at specific times. When I motion, you give him a good poke in the leg."

In church the following Sunday, Mr. Jones dozed off. Noticing this, the preacher put his plan to work. "And who made the ultimate sacrifice for you?" he said, nodding to Mrs. Jones.

"Jesus!" Jones cried as his wife jabbed him the leg with the hatpin.

"Yes, you are right, Mr. Jones," said the minister. Soon, Mr. Jones nodded off again. Again, the minister noticed. "Who is your redeemer?" he asked the congregation, motioning towards Mrs. Jones.

"God!" Mr. Jones cried out as he was stuck again with the hatpin.

"Right again," said the minister, smiling. Before long, Mr. Jones had winked off again. However, this time, the minister did not notice. As he picked up the tempo of his sermon, he made a few motions that Mrs. Jones mistook as signals to bayonet her husband with the hatpin again.

The minister asked, "And what did Eve say to Adam after she bore him his 99th son?"

Mrs. Jones poked her husband, who yelled, "You stick that goddamned thing in me one more time and I'll break it in half and shove it up your ass!"

"Amen," replied the congregation.

Some examples of why the human race has probably evolved as far as possible. These are actual instruction labels on consumer goods..

On Sears hairdryer:
Do not use while sleeping.
(Gee, that's the only time I have to work on my hair!)

On a bag of Fritos:
You could be a winner! No purchase necessary. Details inside.
(The shoplifter special!)

On a bar of Dial soap:
Directions: Use like regular soap.
(and that would be how?)

On some Swann frozen dinners:
Serving suggestion: Defrost.
(But it's 'just' a suggestion!)

On Tesco's Tiramisu dessert: (printed on bottom of the box)
Do not turn upside down.
(Too late! you lose!)

On Marks & Spencer Bread Pudding:
Product will be hot after heating.
(Are you sure? Let's experiment.)

On packaging for a Rowenta iron:
Do not iron clothes on body.
(But wouldn't that save more time?)Whose body?)

On Boot's Children's cough medicine:
Do not drive car or operate machinery.
(We could do a lot to reduce the construction accidents if we just kept those 5 year olds off those fork lifts.)

On Nytol sleep aid:
Warning: may cause drowsiness.
(One would hope!)

On a Korean kitchen knife:
Warning: keep out of children.
(hmm..something must have gotten lost in the translation..

On a string of Christmas lights:
For indoor or outdoor use only.
(As opposed to use in outer space.)

On a food processor:
Not to be used for the other use.
(Now I'm curious.)

On Sainsbury's peanuts:
Warning: contains nuts.
(but no peas?)

On an American Airlines packet of nuts:
Instructions: open packet, eat nuts.
(somebody got paid big bucks to write this one..

On a Swedish chainsaw:
Do not attempt to stop chain with your hands.
(Raise your hand if you've tried this.)

Sometimes I wonder, "Why is the Frisbee getting bigger?" Then it hits me.

Whoever said, "Nothing's impossible," never tried slamming a revolving door.

Being mature is overrated.

Slinky + Escalator = Endless fun!

One out of four people is insane. Look at three of your friends. If it's not them, it's you.

"What you're looking for is always in the last place you look" Well, DUH, smart one! After you find it, you stop looking!

Whose cruel idea was it to put "S" in the word "Lisp"?

You know you live in 2009 when...

1. You go to a party, sit down and take MySpace pics.

2. You haven’t played solitaire with real cards in years.

3. The reason for not staying in touch with your friends is that they don't have AIM/LiveJournal/MySpace.

4. You'd rather look all over the house for the remote instead of just pushing the button on the TV.

6. Your evening activity is sitting at the computer.

7. You read this list, and keep nodding and smiling.

8. You think about how stupid you are for reading this.

9. You were too busy to notice number five.

10. You actually scrolled back up to check if there was a number five.

11. And now you're laughing at your stupidity.

12. Put this in your profile if you fell for it. You know you did.