“Hey, Foolish Mortal, you have another visitor!” Kyuubi yelled down the hall as he noticed the new arrival, his nine tails pausing in their motions of typing his ‘Evil’ blog.

“WHAT?!” FTK yelled, running into the living room and pulling down a periscope (Kyuubi still had no idea where that came from) and pushing his face into it. “Man the guns and unleash the hounds! We’ll send the bastard to hell!”

“Uh, I didn’t mean at the door. I meant on your profile.” Kyuubi said in a wary tone. The Kitsune would never understand why this guy was so paranoid about visitors lately.

“Really?” FTK questioned before pushing his periscope back into the ceiling. “That’s okay then I guess.” Walking over next to the fox and looking at the screen. “So what do they want?”

“Oh, I don’t know.” Kyuubi replied sarcastically. “I’m sure they couldn’t have come here to, say, read your profile.”

FTK scratched the side of his head in confusion. “Then why’d they come?”

Four out of nine tails were used by the Kitsune to smack himself in the forehead.

“Hey. What’s going on out here?” Jagaa’s question marked his arrival as he entered the room stretching his scarred arms high over his head. “All the yelling woke me up.”

“Your idiot of a creator is making me feel all of my thousands of years of life.” Kyuubi groaned despairingly. “Why do I have to be here with you two again?”

“Because you’re in his Pen Name.” Jagaa answered. “Besides, it’s nice having a pet around.”

“I hate you.” Kyuubi growled.

“Love you to, Fuzzy.” The scarred person smirked.

“Okay, Love Birds. Break it up.” FTK said as he suddenly popped in between them. “People can see this.”

Kyuubi looked at the Author with a suspicious narrowing of his eyes. “Weren’t you an idiot a second ago?”

FTK grunted and threw his thumb back over his shoulder. “That was her fault. She thought it would be funny…I will take responsibility for the attempted murder of the visitor though.”

“You’ve got issues.” Jagaa said with a shake of his head.

Tilting his head in confusion, Kyuubi looked over FTK’s shoulder and saw a figure standing behind him. “Who’s that?” The Kitsune asked, squinting his eyes in an attempt to see the figure more clearly. “I can tell it’s a female, but for some reason I can’t tell what she looks like.”

“You don’t know?” Jagaa asked in surprise. “That’s his muse. She’s been making an appearance in the A/N of NBNF lately. I think she likes being in ambiguity because it makes her seem more mysterious and powerful. ” Lowering his voice, Jagaa leaned closer to the fox’s ear. “Just be careful not to piss her off. She’s got a freaking arsenal of weapons, her current favorite being her shotgun.”

Kyuubi nodded, for once deciding it was wise to listen to Jagaa. He only did this though, because he quickly realized the fact that, even though it was usually FTK that would put the Kitsune through some horrible tortures (like forcing him to listen to Spice Girls, that was pretty horrible), it was his muse that must have gave him the ideas for the torture in the first place. So messing with the muse was a very bad idea, especially an armed muse. “So, uh, does she talk?”

“Only to me.” FTK stated proudly. His face mouth shifted into a frown when he caught the strange looks both his OC and the Fox were giving him. “What?”

“You know. There’s a word for someone who hears voices no one else can.” Jagaa pointed out.

“Ha, freaking, ha.” FTK growled at the two. Deciding to change the subject FTK pointed to something on the screen. “Hey, did you see this thing I found on Sweet Heavens’ profile. I thought we could all read it together.”

Jagaa looked at the screen as well. “Forty-nine laws of Anime.” He read out loud. “Any good?”

“How bout we read it and find out?” FTK suggested, motioning for Kyuubi to join them.

Shrugging his shoulders, which is kind of humorous looking when done by a fox, Kyuubi moved beside the other three (FTK’s muse was still standing/floating behind them) and began reading.

Forty- nine laws of Anime:

Originally compiled and edited by Darrin Bright and Ryan Shellito

1. Law of Metaphysical Irregularity
The normal laws of physics do not apply.

(Jagaa: Well Duh. It’s anime.)

(FTK: Shut up and read.)

2. Law of Differentiated Gravitation
Whenever someone or something jumps, is thrown, or otherwise is rendered airborn, gravity is reduced by a factor of 4.

(FTK: Especially when a guy is punched for being a pervert. (Looks evilly at Jagaa))

(Jagaa: Don’t get any ideas for the stories please.)

3. Law of Sonic Amplification, First Law of Anime Acoustics
In space, loud sounds, like explosions, are even louder because there is no air to get in the way.

(Kyuubi: Let’s test that theory. I’ll just go and destroy a planet or two and…)

(FTK/Jagaa: NO!)

4. Law of Constant Thrust, First Law of Anime Motion
In space, constant thrust equals constant velocity.

(Jagaa: Yeah, I love to thrust. Ouch! (Nurses back of head where a tail and a fist impacted))

5. Law of Mechanical Mobility, Second Law of Anime Motion
The larger a mechanical device is, the faster it moves. Armored Mecha are the fastest objects known to human science.

(Kyuubi: Humans and their machines. You just wish you were as powerful as I.)

(Jagaa: Says the guy sealed in someone’s stomach.)

(Kyuubi: (Growls audibly))

6. Law of Temporal Variability
Time is not a constant. Time stops for the hero whenever he does something 'cool' or 'impressive'. Time slows down when friends and lovers are being killed and speeds up whenever there is a fight.

(Jagaa: Guess I’m never gonna age then, cause I’m that bad ass!)

(FTK/Kyuubi: (Roll eyes))

7. First Law of Temporal Mortality
'Good Guys' and 'Bad Guys' both die in one of two ways. Either so quick they don't even see it coming, OR it's a long drawn out affair where the character gains much insight to the workings of society, human existence or why the toast always lands butter side down.

(Kyuubi: Don’t forget the sappy goodbyes. You humans love your sappy goodbyes.)

(FTK: Hey! Don’t knock the sappy goodbyes.)

(Muse: …)

(FTK: Yeah, what she said.)

8. Second Law of Temporal Mortality
It takes some time for bad guys to die... regardless of physical damage. Even when the 'Bad Guys' are killed so quickly they didn't even see it coming, it takes them a while to realize they are dead. This is attributed to the belief that being evil damages the Reality Lobe of the brain.

(Jagaa: Sucks to be you, Furball.)

9. Law of Dramatic Emphasis
Scenes involving extreme amounts of action are depicted with either still-frames or black screens with a slash of bright color (usually red or white).

(Muse: …)

(FTK: (Laughs suddenly))

(Jagaa/Kyuubi: (Look at each other in confusion.))

10, Law of Dramatic Multiplicity
Scenes that only happen once, for instance, a 'Good Guy' kicks the 'Bad Guy' in the face, are seen at least 3 times from 3 different angles.

(FTK: Well at least those are better than those pan up shots that are repeated 5 times, increasing speed each time.)

(Jagaa: That’s mostly in Hentai you know.)

(FTK: …Shut up.)

11. Law of Inherent Combustability
Everything explodes. Everything.
First Corollary - Anything that explodes bulges first.
Second Corollary - Large cities are the most explosive substances known to human science. Tokyo in particular seems to be the most unstable of these cities, sometimes referred to as "The Matchstick City".

(Kyuubi: I love seeing human cities explode. Even more when I’m the cause of it.)

12. Law of Phlogistatic Emission
Nearly all things emit light from fatal wounds.

(Kyuubi: I think we should test that as well. (Gives Jagaa and FTK a sidelong glance))

(Jagaa: Bring it on, Plush Toy! (Draws sword))

(Muse: ... (Pulls out shotgun))

(Kyuubi/Jagaa: ...We’re sorry.)

13. Law of Energetic Emission
There is always an energy build up (commonly referred to as an energy 'bulge') before Mecha or space craft weapons fire. Because of the explosive qualities of weapons, it is believed that this is related to the Law of Inherent Combustibility.

(Jagaa: Maybe, but I want to shoot one anyway.)

14. Law of Inverse Lethal Magnitude
The destructive potential of a weapon is inversly proportional to its size.
First Corollary - Small and cute will always overcome big and ugly. Also know as the A-Ko phenomenon.

(Jagaa: So that means that one day you’ll get your ass handed to you by a Kitten, Fuzzy.)

(Kyuubi: I swear I’m going to kill you.)

15. Law of Inexhaustability
No one EVER runs out of ammunition. That is of course unless they are cornered, out-numbered, out-classed, and unconscious.

(Jagaa: That’s why I use a sword.)

(Kyuubi: Which will either get knocked out of your hand or broken at a critical time. (Smirks victoriously))

(Jagaa: …Damn.)

16. Law of Inverse Accuracy
The accuracy of a 'Good Guy' when operating any form of fire-arm increases as the difficulty of the shot increases. The accuracy of the 'Bad Guys' when operating fire-arms decreases when the difficulty of the shot decreases. (Also known as the Stormtrooper Effect)
Example: A 'Good Guy' in a drunken stupor being held upside down from a moving vehicle will always hit, and several battalions of 'Bad Guys' firing on a 'Good Guy' standing alone in the middle of an open field will always miss.
First Corollary - The more 'Bad Guys' there are, the less likely they will hit anyone or do any real damage.
Second Corollary - Whenever a 'Good Guy' is faced with insurmountable odds, the 'Bad Guys' line up in neat rows, allowing the hero to take them all out with a single burst of automatic fire and then escape.
Third Corollary - Whenever a 'Good Guy' is actually hit by enemy fire, it is in a designated 'Good Guy Area', usually a flesh wound in the shoulder or arm, which restricts the 'Good Guy' from doing anything more strenuous than driving, firing weaponry, using melee weapons, operating heavy machinery, or doing complex martial arts maneuvers.

(FTK: I think it’s believable.)

(Kyuubi: He’s becoming stupid again.)

(FTK: It was sarcasm.)

(Jagaa: Sure it was.)

17. Law of Transient Romantic Unreliability
Minmei is a bimbo.

(FTK/Jagaa/Kyuubi: Who?)

(Muse: …)

(FTK: She says somebody will probably kill us for not knowing.)

(Kyuubi/Jagaa: (Shrug))

18. Law of Hemoglobin Capacity
The human body contains over 12 gallons of blood, sometimes more, under high pressure.

(Kyuubi: I think we should-)

(Jagaa: Don’t even say it.)

19. Law of Demonic Consistency
Demons and other supernatural creatures have at least three eyes, loads of fangs, tend to be yellow-green or brown (but black is not unknown), and can only be hurt by bladed weapons.

(Kyuubi: I find that extremely offensive and discriminatory.)

(Jagaa: Really? I thought it would be an improvement for you.)

(Kyuubi: Just go die!)

20. Law of Militaristic Unreliability
Huge galaxy-wide armadas, entire armies, and large war-machines full of cruel, heartless, bloodthirsty warriors can be stopped and defeated with a single insignificant example of a caring/loving emotion or a song.

(Kyuubi: Hmph. Rookies.)

21. Law of Tactical Unreliability
Tactical geniuses aren't...

(Jagaa: That’s why you should just kill everything first and plan later.)

(FTK: I have no comment.)

22. Law of Inconsequential Undetectability
People never notice the little things... Like missing body parts, or wounds the size of Seattle.

(Kyuubi: (Swats away Jagaa’s hand heading for his tails with a pair of scissors) Don’t even think about it!)

(Jagaa: So much for that theory.)

23. Law of Juvenile Intellectuality
Children are smarter than adults. And almost always twice as annoying.

(FTK: Makes me kind of wish I was a kid again.)

(Kyuubi: Ask around. People will probably say you still are.)

(FTK: HEY!)

24. Law of Americanthropomorphism
Americans in Anime appear in one of two roles, either as a really nasty skinny 'Bad Guy' or a big stupid 'Good Guy'.
First Corollary - The only people who are more stupid than the big dumb Americans are the American translators. (Sometimes referred to as the Green Line Effect.)
Second Corollary - The only people who are more stupid than the American translators are the American editors and censors.

(Jagaa/Kyuubi: (Look at FTK))

(FTK: Shut up!)

25. Law of Mandibular Proportionality
The size of a person's mouth is directly proportional to the volume at which they are speaking or eating.

(Kyuubi: Don’t you say a word. (Glares at Jagaa) It doesn’t apply to foxes.)

(Jagaa: Uh huh. Sure.)

26. Law of Feline Mutation
Any half-cat/half-human mutation will invariably:
a) be female
b) will possess ears and sometimes a tail as a genetic mutation
c)and wear as little clothing as possible, if any.

(FTK/Jagaa/Kyuubi: Long live the Cat Girls!)

(Jagaa: Especially yuri Cat Girls!)

(FTK/Kyuubi: HELL YEAH!)

27. Law of Conservation of Firepower
Any powerful weapon capable of destroying/defeating an opponent in a single shot will invariably be reserved and used only as a last resort.

(Kyuubi: More proof of the stupidity of humans.)

(FTK: I think it’s for dramatic effect.)

28. Law of Technological User-Benevolence
The formal training required to operate a spaceship or mecha is inversely proportional to its complexity.

(FTK: Sweet! Let’s go to the nearest military base and go joy riding.)

(Muse: …)

(FTK: Fiiiiine.)

29. Law of Melee Luminescence
Any being displaying extremely high levels of martial arts prowess and/or violent emotions emits light in the form of a glowing aura. This aura is usually blue for 'good guys' and red for 'bad guys'. This is attributed to Good being higher in the electromagnetic spectrum than Evil.

(Jagaa: Heh heh, your lower on the electromagnetic spectrum than me.)

(Kyuubi: I’m pretty sure red beats black, Moron.)

(Jagaa: That’s just my clothing not my aura…I think.)

30. Law of Non-anthropomorphic Antagonism
All ugly, non-humanoid alien races are hostile, and usually hell-bent on destroying humanity for some obscure reason.

(Jagaa: I’m guessing it’s jealously of our good looks.)

(FTK: I agree.)

(Kyuubi: More like an attempt to eliminate stupidity in the universe. A truly noble cause.)

31. Law of Follicular Chroma Variability
Any color in the visible spectrum is considered a natural hair color. This color can change without warning or explanation.

(Jagaa: (Giggles) Does the carpet match the drapes? Ow! Damnit! (Once again nurses his sore head))

32. Law of Follicular Permanence
Hair in anime is pretty much indestructable, and can resist any amount of meteorological conditions, energy emissions, physical abuse, or explosive effects and still look perfect. The only way to hurt someone's hair is the same way you deal with demons... with bladed weapons!

(Jagaa: Ha! You’re on the same level as my hair.)

(Kyuubi: You’re on the same level as my turds.)

(Jagaa: That’s just gross.)

33. Law of Topological Aerodynamics, First Law of Anime Aero-Dynamics
ANY shape, no matter how convoluted or odd-looking, is automatically aerodynamic.

(Kyuubi: Then they should make a Fox shaped ship then. Then it would be impressive.)

(Jagaa: Egotistical much?)

34. Law of Probable Attire
Clothing in anime follows certain predictable guidelines.
--Female characters wear as little clothing as possible, regardless of whether it is socially or meteorologically appropriate. Any female with an excessive amount of clothing will invariably have her clothes ripped to shreds or torn off somehow. If there is no opportunity to tear off the afore-mentioned female's clothes, then she will inexplicably take a shower for no apparent reason (also known as the Gratuitous Shower Scene).
--Whenever there is a headwind, a Male characters will invariably wear a long cloak which doesn't hamper movement and billows out dramatically behind him.
First Corollary (Cryo-Adaptability) - All anime characters are resistant to extremely cold temperatures, and do not need to wear heavy or warm clothing in snow.
Second Corollary (Indecent Invulnerability) - Bikinis render the wearer invulnerable to any form of damage.

(FTK: I love the female clothing rules.)

(Jagaa/Kyuubi: Agreed.)

35. Law of Musical Omnipotence
Any character capable of musical talent (singing, playing an instrument, etc.) is automatically capable of doing much more "simple" things like piloting mecha, fighting crime, stopping an intergalactic war, and so on... especially if they have never attempted these things before.

(FTK: I shouldn’t have stopped playing the Trombone. Damn!)

(Jagaa: Trust me. You made the right choice.)

36. Law of Quitupular Aggultination
Also called "The Five-man Rule," when "Good Guys" group together, it tends to be in groups of five. There are five basic positions, which are:
a) The Hero/Leader
b) His girlfriend
c) His Best Friend/Rival
d) A Hulking Brute
e) A Dwarf/Kid
Between these basic positions are distributed several attributes, which include:
--Extreme Coolness
--Amazing intelligence
--Incredible Irritation

(Jagaa: Hah! I’m so bad ass that I don’t need a group.)

(Kyuubi: (Snickers) You’re also your own girlfriend.)

(Jagaa: I’ll admit that I’m in touch with my feminine side. (smirks) That’s how I know I’m a lesbian.)

(FTK: Yep, same here.)

37. Law of Extradimensional Capacitance
All anime females have an extradimensional storage space of variable volume somewhere on their person from which they can instantly retrieve any object at a moment's notice.
First Corollary (The Hammer Rule) - The most common item stored is a heavy mallet, which can be used with unerring accuracy on any male who deserves it. Other common items include costumes/uniforms, power suits/armor, and large bazookas.

(Jagaa: Please. I know exactly where that storage space is.)

(FTK: …I can’t in good conscience hit him this time.)

(Kyuubi: Me neither.)

38. Law of Hydrostatic Emission
Eyes tend to be rather large in Anime. This is because they contain several gallons of water, which may be instantaneously released at high pressure through large tear ducts. The actual volume of water contained in the eyes is unknown, as there is no evidence to suggest that these reservoirs are actually capable of running out. The reason water tends to collect in the eyes is because Anime characters only have one large sweat gland, which is located at the back of the head. When extremely stressed, embarrassed, or worried, this sweat gland exudes a single but very large drop of sebaceous fluid.

(Kyuubi: I think it’s something else that humans are full of.)

(Jagaa: You should know. You’ve probably sniffed it.)

39. Law of Inverse Attraction
Success at finding suitable mates is inversely proportionate to how desperately you want to be successful. The more you want, the less you get.
First Corollary Unfortunately, this law seems to apply to Otaku in the real world...

(FTK: Damn!)

40. Law of Nasal Sanguination
When sexually aroused, males in Anime don't get erections, they get nosebleeds. No one's sure why this is, though... the current theory suggests that larger eyes means smaller sinuses and thinner sinus tissue (see Law #38 above). Females don't get nosebleeds, but invariably get one heck of a blush along the cheeks and across the nose, suggesting a lot of bloodflow to that region.

(Jagaa: Ha! I’ve never had a nosebleed!)

(FTK: (smiles evilly))

(Jagaa: Ah crap.)

41. Law of Xylolaceration
Wooden or bamboo swords are just as sharp as metal swords, if not sharper.

(Jagaa: I’ll put that to the test any time.)

42. Law of Juvenile Omnipotence
Always send a boy to do a man's job. He'll get it done in half the time and twice the angst.

(Jagaa: …How old am I currently?)

(FTK: I don’t specify in here since you’re a different age in both stories. I leave it up to the visitors to decide.)

(Jagaa: Bastard.)

43. Law of Quadrotriscadecophobia
There is no Law #43.

(FTK: Anybody know what the hell the word means? Or if it's even a real word?)

(Jagaa/Kyuubi: (shake heads))

(Jagaa: This looks like a job for ‘Google’!)

(FTK: Or a dictionary.)

(Jagaa: What’s that? Is that a website?)

(FTK/Kyuubi: (sigh))

44. Law of Nominative Clamovocation
The likelihood of success and damage done by a martial arts attack is directly proportional to the volume at which the full name of the attack is announced.

(Jagaa: Crap I’m in two stories about Ninja. My throats gonna be sore as hell.)

(Kyuubi: (smiles sinisterly))

(Jagaa: YOU SICK FREAK! NOT FROM THAT! I THINK I'M GONNA BE SICK!)

(FTK: (mumbling) Find a happy place. Find a happy place. Find a happy place. A happy place with LOTS of beautiful women.)

45. Law of Uninteruptable Metamorphosis
Regardless of how long or involved the transformation sequence or how many times they've seen it before, any 'Bad Guys' witnessing a mecha/hero/heroine transforming are too stunned to do anything to interrupt it.

(FTK: I don’t know about the Mechas or the Heros, but I know why nobody bothers the Heroines.)

(Jagaa/Kyuubi: (Nod rapidly while grinning pervertedly))

(Muse: … (Charges shotgun again and pulls out pistol for back up))

(FTK/Jagaa/Kyuubi: WE’RE SORRY!)

46. Law of Flimsy Incognition
Simply changing into a costume or wearing a teensy mask can make you utterly unrecognizable to even your closest friends and relatives

(FTK: I think that’s a global standard. Just look at Superman. He uses regular glasses to hide his identity.)

(Kyuubi: Again, human stupidity rears it’s very large and very ugly head.)

(Jagaa: Hey! Where are the other three? There were supposed to be forty-nine! What a rip off.)

“Well that was interesting.” Kyuubi said hollowly. “Now could both of you go away? I’ve got to work on my Blog.”

“Why the hell are you writing a blog?” Jagaa asked. “You’re a fox for cryin out loud.”

“I’m documenting my continuing Hell of being subjected to dealing with you idiot humans.” The Kitsune sniffed, using one of his tails to adjust the computer to face him. “Even a Demon needs to a way to maintain his intelligence when surrounded by stupidity.”

“I don’t have a problem leaving.” FTK shrugged. “My muse and I need to go brainstorm on ideas for the stories anyway. See ya both later.” With a quick wave, he and the ambiguous female figure walked out of the room.

“Che, whatever.” Jagaa grunted as he to turned to leave. “It’s not like you’re very good company anyway.”

Kyuubi waited until he was certain nobody was coming back into the living room before turning back to his computer. Just before his tails were about to resume their typing, the Kitsune felt eyes on him and looked up to see he was still being watched.

“What the hell are you still doing here!? Get lost!”

One of the fox’s tails whips out from behind him and the screen goes black.

Ninety-five percent of the kids out there are concerned with being popular and fitting in. If you're part of the five percent who aren't, copy this, put it in your profile, and add your name to the list. AnimeKittyCafe, Hyperactivley Bored, Gem W, Bara-Minamino, Yavie Aelinel, Crazy Billie Joe Loving Freak, Shadow929,SweetNCrazieSugarmuffin,The Komodo Dragon Phoenix,Bust_A_Groover, Tecna, Triggonseed, Demonic Dragon Knight, one-village-idiot,FreeTheKyuubi

98 percent of teenagers do or has tried smoking pot. If you're one of the 2 percent who hasn't, copy & paste this in your profile.

Weird is good, strange is bad, and odd is when you don't know which to call someone. Weird is the same as different, which is the same as unique, then weird is good. If you are weird and proud of it, copy this onto your profile!