We loathe the following:

Bad grammar. Betas are your friends.

Bad spelling. Spellcheck: Know it. Use it. Love it.

Poor characterization of canon characters, aka "You made Dally do what?!"

Mary Sues. We get it; you're insecure. Go to a therapist and quit inflicting your sue-stories on us.

Lack of plotting insomuch as you took last night's dream about Tommy/Ralph/Matt/Rob and inflicted it on the fandom in prose form.

We are ... the Neglected Outsiders Anti-Defamation Society.

Fear us, bad ficcers.

Want to know what the collective really thinks of you and your puerile fic? Want to read our essays on the sad state of the fandom? Perhaps you are a fan of our sporks? Go here: Neglected Outsiders Anti-Defamation Society LiveJournal.

Pissed off that we reviewed your shitty fic? You can usually find us lurking at 731 North Saint Louis -- The Outsiders Fanfiction Forum. Warning: Visit this site, and you might actually learn something about writing. Side effects may include taking down your Mary Sue stories and re-evaluating the importance of grammar and plot.

Finally, be aware that we find fanbrat tantrums to be deliciously funny, so whenever we get a particularly hilarious private message or review reply, we won't hesitate to put it up on our LiveJournal so other people can point at you and laugh, too.

And no, we won't private message you on why your fic sucks. That is why we review; we aren't going to keep it private to save you the embarrassment. If you were really worried about that, you wouldn't have posted your awful fic in the first place.

From our mail bag:

I don't care what you thought of my story! You're stupid! Shut up!

If you didn't care, you wouldn't send us a message. Try again.

This is my story, and I'll write it the way I want!

It's our review, and we'll say it sucks if we want.

Don't like it? Don't read it!

Don't like criticism? Don't post it!

I didn't like the review you left my friend! No one cares what you say because you're mean!

Nothing that wasn't purely praise would please you, so we don't even try.

I thought I'd try something different!

How about trying something that doesn't suck?

You don't know how Canon Character would act in this non-book situation!

We know that's not Canon Character. In fact, he should sue the guy in your fic for defamation of character.

It's fanfiction! I don't have to do research!

And we don't have to like it.

It's fanfiction! I can do what I want!

How about ... oh, we don't know ... wanting to write something that doesn't suck?

It's fanfiction! Unleash your imagination!

Please, for the good of humanity, put a leash back on it. Now.

Where's your stories?!

We have written several essays, which should stand as examples of our writing ability. Even if we hadn't, a critic must only be observant and well versed in his or her field of interest, not necessarily an artist.

Not that we think any of you are artists, anyway.