So. Here. It. Is.

My name is Emily. And I... am The Fabulous.

NOTE: TOP 5 FICTIONAL HOT GUY LIST HAS BEEN UPDATED on 4/11/09

~The only day that doesn't end in 'y' is Tomorrow~

This profile = spastic... it's like, let's change subjects every five seconds, okay!

But yeah. No. I shortened this mucho. I like music. And Mitch Hewer. He's my new favorite, right now. I have many. I am polytheistic, obviously, because Brendon Urie, Patrick Stump, Mitch Hewer, Ryan Ross, Gale Harold, my-new-best-friend-Aaron, etc, are all gods. So. Yeah. No. But Mitch Hewer's the newest obsession, I'll tell you that. Yeah. Like. Beckett and Saporta can be saints or something. I have too many gods. And I think LittleSnowPea is my only goddess, so far, because she's writing me Titanic!slash. So. She gets to be a goddess.

Fang, Edward, shower. Fang, Edward, shower. Fang and Edward in the shower! Separate showers!

See that? We said that in the seventh grade... I think I may have to edit the last bit... hmm... Fang/Edward slashiness... this... would... be... WOW, OKAY, YOU KNOW IT'S LATE WHEN YOU'RE THINKING OF MAKING A TWI-RIDE CROSSOVER WITH A FANGWARD PAIRING. Pathetic. Yes. Very. Ahem. Okay.

Basically everything from here-on-out is an almost-spoiler, so if you haven't read the first three vampire academy books or the Mortal Insruments Trilogy and you plan on doing so, I suggest you not read further until you finish those. other books it doesn't matter.

The Only Acceptable Pairings Ever:

Harry Potter:

Lily/James

Sirius/Any girl besides Lily or a relative

Remus/Tonks, or momentary other girls as long as he's with Tonks in the end

Remus/Sirius (Just kidding... not... not not... not...)

Harry/Ginny

Draco/Romilda (i know, it's weird, right? but it's just so GOOD.)

Draco/Ginny

Draco/Harry (what? who typed that?)

Draco/Astoria (gotsta follow da canon in da end)

Oliver/Alicia

Katie/any guy who wasn't on Harry's original Quidditch team (ie: Fred, George, Oliver, Harry)

Frank/Alice

Ron/Hermione

Emmeline/Regulus

Hannah/Neville

Susan/Justin

Dean/Seamus (no idea... ignore me...)

Michael Corner/Daphne Greengrass

Michael Corner/anybody (male, female... though, I do draw the line at Goblin...)

Maximum Ride:

Fang/Max (FAX)

Fang/Iggy (Figgy)

Iggy/Ella

Iggy/BOYS

Angel/Any guy who is not genetically altered.

Lissa/Any guy who is not Fang

Valencia Martinez/Jeb

Nudge/Omega

Vampire Academy:

-Rose/Dimitri- failure, but okay...

Lissa/Christian

Christian/Aaron

Christian/Adrian

Adrian/Mia

Twilight

i like all the canon pairings, but some bore me so i just put the interesting ones here. plus a couple, uh, not-so-canon pairings...

Edward/Bella (of course)

Jacob/Renesmee

Jacob/Edward

Jacob/Leah

Alice/Jasper

Seth/any girl or boy (i LOVE seth!)

Embry/ A BOY!! (incidentally, working on a slash Embry/OC fic right now... I'll post it later, maybe...)

Quil/Claire

The Mortal Instruments:

Alec/Magnus

Isabelle/Simon

Luke/Jocelyn

Jace/Clary (HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA GO CASSANDRA CLARE, YOU RULE MY LIFE!! That is all I'm going to say. Though, it really does ruin the term "Morgencest.")

Can i mention Alec/Magnus about five more times?? because i love them. ALEC/MAGNUS ALEC/MAGNUS ALEC/MAGNUS ALEC/MAGNUS ALEC/MAGNUS!! I LOVE YOU I LOVE YOU I LOVE YOU.

Cough. And one for the purpose of laughing hysterically, of course... Jace/Simon. Seriously. Yum. Who wouldn't?

Degrasssi: The Next Generation

RILEY/NATHAN. (That's the name of the guy with the big teeth. He is love. Riley/Nathan is my new OTP.)

Peter/Riley

Anya/Sav

Declan/Peter

Declan/Jane

KC/Clare

Holly J/Spinner

A Separate Peace

Brinker/Leper (What?! Who typed that??)

Finny/Gene, but never AU-Finny-doesn't-die type shit. Pre-death only.

Don't laugh at me. Don't laugh at me. As The World Turns. cringe

Luke/Noah

Alison/Casey

Everyone else can go to hell. Seriously.

Gakuen Heaven (what? who the fuck just typed that?)

Keita/Kazuki

Omi/Kaoru

Nakajima Hide/Niwa Tetsuya

Shinomiya Koji/Iwai Takuto

(eesh, don't kill me) Wateru/Kakeru (what the fuck. i don't like twincest, who the hell typed this?)

Queer As Folk

I guess I'm cool with all the canon pairings, but these are mis favoritos:

Brian/Justin. For-fucking-ever.

Michael/Ben

Hunter/Callie (pahaha, the only straight people like, ever...)

Ted/Blake

Emmett/Drew

Daphne/ SOMEBODY! I MEAN, COME ON PEOPLE! DAPHNE IS FREAKIN' AWESOME. She deserves a nice boyfriend.

And if I'm like, out of my freaking mind and it's very late at night and I have absolutely nothing better to do with my time: Brian/Michael and Justin/Chris. But that's ONLY if I've gone nuts. Seriously.

Greek

Cappie/Evan (just kidding...not really)

Calvin/Heath

Casey/Cappie

Evan/Rebecca

Ashley/Fisher

Rusty/Jordan

Heath/anyone Heath is like, my favorite. He equals sex.

(I HATE CASEY/EVAN. I DON'T CARE. I JUST DON'T LIKE IT.)

Glee

Finn/Rachel

Will/Emma

Kurt/Finn

Kurt/anyone of the male persuasion

Puck/Finn (don't ask. we just don't ask.)

Puck/Mercedes

Puck/Kurt (i don't know why there are so many fics for this pairing... but i can't say i mind...)

Haha, slash. Actually, I have become quite addicted to it, as of late. Not so much on fanfiction, but definitely on fictionpress. I'm actually writing slash now. Oh. My fictionpress account is big.break.and.laryngitis, if you want to look at those stories.

Top FIVE Hottest Fictional Guys!! (don't read the quotes if you haven't read the books-- spoiler warning!)

1.) Fang (Hottest recombinant DNA life form EVER! he's got wings, for goodness gracious! he can fly, and his whole "dark-and-silent thing has got to be one of the hottest things ever. he's also one of the cutest jealous guys ever)- Maximum Ride

Quote: "Max, you can change your mind." His voice was like autumn leaves dropping lightly to the ground... Fang's hand gently smoothed my hair off my neck. My breath froze in my chest, and every sense seemed hyper-alert. His hand stroked my hair again, so softly, and then trailed across my neck and down my back, making me shiver. I looked up. "What the heck are you doing?"

"Helping you change your mind," he whispered, and then he leaned over, tilted my chin up, and kissed me."

2.) Edward Cullen (sexiest vampire on this planet. he is WAY over-protective of bella, and he's an idiot sometimes because he's too effing self-sacrificing, but hey, that makes him and bella the perfect couple, doesn't it. (that didn't deserve a question mark because of the obviousness of the answer.))- Twilight

Quote: "Maybe you should let me drive."

"Are you insane?" I protested.

"I can drive better than you on your best day," he teased. "You have much slower reflexes... Besides, friends don't let friends drive drunk."

... "Drunk?" i objected.

"You're intoxicated by my very presence."

... "And are you not affected at all?" I asked, irked. "By my presence?"

Again, his mobile features transformed, his expression became soft, warm. He didn't answer at first; he simply bent his face to mine, and brushed his lips slowly along my jaw, from my ear to my chin, back and forth. I trembled. "Regardless," he finally murmured. "I have better reflexes."

3.) Alec Lightwood (He's tough! He's gorgeous! He's gayer than a naked Tim Gunn straddling a man at a Pride parade! LADIES AND GENTLEMEN, ALEC LIGHTWOOD! He's wonderful. He's a Shadowhunter. One of the Nephilim, bitches! That TOTALLY means he's half-angel. Love him. With most of my heart.) -- The Mortal Instruments Trilogy

Quote:

"Did you just save my life?"

Alec knew he ought to say something like, Of course, because I'm a Shadowhunter and that's what we do, or That's my job. Jace would have said something like that. Jace always knew the right thing to say. But the words that actually came out of Alec's mouth were quite different-- and sounded petulant, even to his own ears. "You never called me back," he said. "I called you so many times and you never called me back."

Magnus looked at Alec as if he'd lost his mind. "Your city is under attack," he said. "The wards have broken, and the streets are full of demons. And you want to know why I haven't called you?"

Alec set his jaw in a stubborn line. "I want to know why you haven't called me back."

4.) Magnus Bane (He's a warlock. He's sexy. He's about like, three-hundred years old or something, but apparently doesn't look it. He's Amazing. With a capital A. Love him. So much. Oh, and I think he's gay, too. Or bisexual. It doesn't really specify. Either way, he likes guys somehow, regardless of whether or not he also likes girls. I LOVE HIM.) -- The Mortal Instruments Trilogy

Quote: (Picks up right where Alec's left off)

Magnus threw his hands up in the air in a gesture of utter exasperation. Alec noted with interest that when he did it, a few sparks escaped his fingertips, like fireflies escaping from a jar. "You're an idiot."

"Is that why you didn't call me? Because I'm an idiot?"

"No." Magnus strode toward him. "I didn't call you because I'm tired of you only wanting me around when you need something. I'm tired of watching you be in love with someone else-- someone, incidentally, who will never love you back. Not the way I do."

"You love me?"

"You stupid Nephilim," Magnus said patiently. "Why else am I here? Why else would I have spent the past few weeks patching up all your moronic friends every time they got hurt? And getting you out of every ridiculous situation you found yourself in? Not to mention helping you win a battle against Valentine. And all completely free of charge!"

"I hadn't looked at it that way," Alec admitted.

"Of course not. You never looked at it any way." Magnus's cat eyes shone with anger. "I'm seven hundred years old, Alexander. I know when something isn't going to work. You won't even admit I exist to your parents."

Alec stared at him. "You're seven hundred years old?"

"Well," Magnus amended, "eight hundred. But I don't look it. Anyway, you're missing the point. The point is--"

But Alec never foud out what the point was because at that moment a dozen more Iblis demons flooded into the square. He felt his jaw drop. "Damn it."

Magnus followed his gaze. The demons were already fanning out into a half circle around them, their yellow eyes glowing. "Way to change the subject, Lightwood."

(This next part is kind of an Alec-being-hot moment more than Magnus, but I feel incomplete, so here.)

"Tell you what." Alec reached for a second seraph blade. "We live through this, and I promise I'll introduce you to my whole family."

Magnus raised his hands, his fingers shining with individual azure flames. They lit his grin with a firey blue glow. "It's a deal."

5.) Dimitri Belikov (Now, if anyone deserves the top five, it's Dimitri. He's-- he WAS-- Lissa Dragomir's assigned guardian dhampir, and he's killed a whole freaking lot of Strigoi -those are the bad guys, if you didn't know- He also happens to be in love with Rose Hathaway, who he is not only the mentor of, but he's also seven years older than her. can we say scandelous? ;D

but wait-- there's more. he recently turned strigoi on us all, and i'm ready to start one of those mobs--think beauty and the beast with the flipping tree trunk against the castle door and everything-- and go after richelle mead to shoot her in the face. and other various parts of her SO-DEAD body. he's still on the list because we haven't actually seen him as one of the undead and have yet to determine whether or not he is still hot. i assume being undead will not hurt his god-like looks-- i mean, really, the whole "undead" thing really works for the cullens and all-- but it will probably affect his personality, and therefore his hotness quotient. i'm really pissed. i loved him more than life itself. )- Vampire Academy

Quote: "Rose. Roza. Open your eyes." I'd never heard his voice so strained, so frantic. "Don't go to sleep on me. Not yet."

I squinted up at him as he carried me out of the building, practically running toward the clinic. "Was he right?"

"Who?"

"Victor... he said it couldn't have worked. The necklace." I started to drift off, lost in the blackness of my mind, but Dimitri prompted me back into consciousness.

"What do you mean?"

"The spell. Victor said you had to want me... to care about me... for it to work." When he didn't say anything, I tried to grip his shirt, but my fingers were too weak. "Did you? Did you want me?"

His words came out thickly. "Yes, Roza, I did want you. I still do. I wish... we could be together."

"Then why did you lie to me?" We reached the clinic, and he managed to open the door while still holding me. As soon as he stepped inside, he began yelling for help. "Why did you lie?" I murmured again.

Still holding me in his arms, he looked down at me. I could hear voices and footsteps getting closer. "Because we can't be together."

"Because of the age thing, right?" I asked. "Because you're my mentor?"

His fingertip gently wiped away a tear that had escaped down my cheek. "That's part of it," he said. "But also... well, you and I will both be Lissa's guardians someday. I need to protect her at all costs. If a pack of Strigoi come, I need to throw my body between them and her."

"I know that. Of course that's what you have to do." The black sparkles were dancing in front of my eyes again. I was fading out.

"No. If I let myself love you, I won't throw myself in front of her. I'll throw myself in front of you."

Honorable Mention for Humorous Attitudes: Jace Wayland/Morgenstern/Herondale/Whateverthefuck (Shadowhunter extrordinaire) and Simon Lewis (mundane-turned-vampire. Jew.), both of the Mortal Instruments Trilogy

Jace Quote(s):

"Does it hurt?" Clary asked.

"No. I have a high pain threshold. In fact, it's less of a threshold and more of a large and tastefully decorated foyer."

OXO

"Didn't I read your tea leaves, Shadowhunter? Have you fallen in love with the wrong person yet?"

Jace said, "Unfortunately, Lady of the Haven, my one true love remains myself."

Dorthea roared at that. "At least," she said, "you don't have to worry about rejection, Jace Wayland."

"Not necessarily. I turn myself down occasionally, just to keep it interesting."

OXO

"To claim the name of Wayland makes you a liar. Just like your father."

"Actually," said Jace, "I prefer to think that I'm a liar in a way that's uniquely my own."

OXO

"Do you know about the cuckoo bird, Jonathan Morgenstern?"

Jace wondered if perhaps being the Inquisitor-- it couldn't be a pleasant job-- had left Imogen Herondale a little unhinged. "The what?"

"The cuckoo bird," she said. "You see, cuckoos are parasites. They lay their eggs in other birds' nests. When the egg hatches the baby cuckoo pushes the other baby birds out of the nest. The poor parent birds work themselves to death trying to find enough food to feed the enormous cuckoo child who has murdered their babies and taken their places."

"Enormous?" said Jace. "Did you just call me fat?"

"It was an analogy."

"I am not fat."

OXO

"What are you doing here, anyway?"

"'Here' as in your bedroom or 'here' as in the great spiritual question of our purpose here on this planet? If you're asking whether it's all just a cosmic coincidence or there's a greater meta-ethical purpose to life, well, that's a puzzler for the ages. I mean, simple ontological reductionism is clearly a fallacious argument, but--"

"I'm going back to bed." Clary reached for the doorknob.

He slid nimbly between her and the door. "I'm here," he said, "because Hodge reminded me it was your birthday."

OXO

"Jace," she said, "this is important."

"Don't tell me," he said. "You've got a drawing emergency. You need a nude model. Well, I'm not in the mood."

OXO

"Be a man."

"I don't want to be a man," said Jace. "I want to be an angst-ridden teenager who can't confront his own inner demons and takes it out verbally on other people instead."

OXO

"I think it's strawberry juice," Isabelle said. "Anyway, it's yummy. Jace?" She offered him the glass.

"I am a man," he told her, "and men do not consume pink beverages. Get thee gone, woman, and bring me something brown."

"Brown?" Isabelle made a face.

"Brown is a manly color," said Jace, and yanked on a stray lock of Isabelle's hair with his free hand. "In fact, look-- Alec is wearing it."

(OH I HAVE TO FINISH THIS ONE BECAUSE ALEC AND MAGNUS ARE H-A-W-T)

Alec looked mournfully down at his sweater. "It was black," he said. "But then it faded."

"You could dress it up with a sequinned headband," Magnus suggested, offering his boyfriend something blue and sparkly. "Just a thought."

(And Simon's good, too, so I'll keep going)

"Resist the urge, Alec." Simon was sitting on the edge of a low wall with Maia beside him, though she appeard to be in deep conversation with Aline. "You'll look like Olivia Newton John in Xanadu."

"There are worse things," Magnus observed.

OXO

Simon Quote(s):

(The "..." are substitutes for long paragraphs that don't matter which basically indicate that Clary's spacing out and not paying attention to Simon.)

"I, for one," Simon went on, "am enjoying myself immensely."

... "Mmm-hmm."

... "I feel," Simon went on, "that this evening DJ Bat is doing a singularly exceptional job. Don't you agree?"

Clary rolled her eyes and didn't answer.

... "Meanwhile," Simon added, "I wanted to tell you that lately I've been cross-dressing. Also, I'm sleeping with your mom. I thought you should know."

... The blond one reached into his jacket and drew out something long and sharp that flashed under the strobing lights. A knife. "Simon!" Clary shouted, and seized his arm.

"What?" Simon looked alarmed. "I'm not really sleeping with your mom, you know. I was just trying to get your attention. Not that your mom isn't a very attractive woman, for her age."

OXO

"Mom and Dad won't be pleased if they find out."

"That you freed a possible criminal by trading away your brother to a warlock who looks like a gay Sonic the Hedgehog and dresses like the Child Catcher from Chitty Chitty Bang Bang?" Simon inquired. "No, probably not."

OXO

"Oh, this?" She held it up. "How to Come Out to Your Parents."

He widened his eyes. "Something you want to tell me?"

"It's not for me. It's for you." She handed it to him.

"I don't have to come out to my mother," said Simon. "She already thinks I'm gay because I'm not interested in sports and I haven't had a serious girlfriend yet. Not that she knows about, anyway."

"But you have to come out as a vampire," Clary pointed out. "Luke thought maybe you could, you know, use one of the suggested speeches in the pamphlet, except use the word 'undead' instead of--"

"I get it, I get it." Simon spread the pamphlet open. "Here, I'll practice on you." He cleared his throat. "Mom. I have something to tell you. I'm undead. Now, I know you may have some preconceived notions about the undead. I know you may not be comfortable with the idea of me being undead. But I'm here to tell you that the undead are just like you and me." Simon paused. "Well, okay. Possibly more like me than you."

"SIMON."

"All right, all right." He went on. "The first thing you need to understand is that I'm the same person I always was. Being undead isn't the most important thing about me. It's just a part of who I am. The second thing you should know is that it isn't a choice. I was born this way." Simon squinted at her over the pamphlet. "Sorry, reborn this way."

OXO

"Do you remember back at the hotel when you promised that if we lived, you'd get dressed up in a nurse's outfit and give me a sponge bath?"

"Actually, I think you misheard," Clary said. "It was Simon who promised you the sponge bath."

Jace looked involuntarily over at Simon, who smiled at him widely. "As soon as I'm back on my feet, handsome."

OXO

"Does this mean you're going to wolf out and eat me?"

"Certainly not." Luke rose to toss the pizza box into the trash. "You would be stringy and hard to digest."

"But kosher," Simon pointed out cheerfully.

"I'll be sure to point any Jewish lycanthropes your way."

OXO

"Much as I hate to admit it, vampire, we have something in common."

"Totally awesome hair?" Simon suggested.

OXO

"What freaks out Jewish vampires? Silver stars of David? Chopped liver? Checks for eighteen dollars?"

OXO

"Alec's trying to get Magnus to take him seriously, but he's never told our parents about Magnus, or even that he likes, you know--"

"Warlocks?" Simon said.

"Very funny."

OXO

"Patience, grasshopper," said Maia. "Good things come to those who wait."

"I always thought it was 'Good things come to those who do the wave,'" said Simon. "No wonder I've been so confused all my life."

...x...x...x...x...x...x...x...x...x...x...x...x...x...x...x...x...x...x...x...x...x...x...x...x...x...x...x...x...x...x...x...x...x...x...x...x...x...x...x...x...x...x...

There are no humans on this list. Humen? Hmm. Well, Fang and Alec are partially human (and I think Magnus is too, if I recall correctly) (so is Jace) and Edward (and Simon!) used to be human, but the idea is still the same: no human is good enough for me. And of course, there are some who aren't on this list. Like Zuko. I love Zuko! Hence the pen name. But he's anime, and I was focusing this list on book characters. Hmm. Michael Moscovitz was on here before Meg Cabot shit her pants and put said shit in her book series. And Alex Rider was on here a long time ago, wasn't he? But he keeps "dying." It pisses me off. I haven't read the latest one, though. He may actually be dead for all I know. so... i did say no dead people on this list, right? that's why i took down James Potter... anyway...

And for the record, if this wasn't just for book characters, Luke Snyder and Noah Mayer of As the World Turns would SO be on here. Love them. Love them. Love them. Seriously. So, so hot.

Quote:

"I wish there was a word for how I feel about these characters..."

"There is. Morgencest."

So, uh, now that you've managed to make it this far, read my stories! Thanks!

(I have a really bad habit of making really, really long profiles...)