Author has written 2 stories for Storm Hawks, and Twilight.
About Me
Hi my name is Kassie.I live the United States.I have many favorite books and movies.My most favorite tv show is now to many shows to name.I luv to read,sing and write. I play softball.I also make my own characters for a lot of different things:anime to cartoons to books to Games to Tv Shows. I have written a play, which a class at my old school is using, and I am currently writing a novel
Stories I have written
Teardrops on my guitar-storm hawks-complete-songfic
Twin Power-Spider Riders-adopted
Surprising Romance,Terrifling Shock.-please adopt
truth or dare;SH cast:working on-hitaus
Our Song-please adopt
The cullens and Bella read the the twilight saga-in progress-on hiatus-sorry-up for adoption
The mako Miko-adopted by Koori no Kitsune
The princess of duel monster-adopted
Pairings I luv
Aerrow/Piper-Storm hawks
Finn/Dove-Storm Hawks
Harrier/Starling-Storm Hawks
Ace/Ravess or Cyclonis-Storm Hawks
Inuyasha/Kagome-Inuyasha
Cloud/Kagome-Inyasha/FFVII crossover
Miruko/sango-Inuyasha
Ace/lexi-Loonatics Unleashed
Mahad/Dahila-Skyland
Rai/Kimiko-Xiaolain Showdowns
Gabriella/Ryan-High school musical
Bella/Edward-Twilight
Alice/Jasper-Twilight
Emment/Rosalie-Twilight
Sara/Gil-CSI
Warrick/Catherine-CSI
Nick/Sofia-CSI
Greg/Riley-CSI
Stella/Mac-CSI:NY
Tony/Pepper-Iron man armored adventures
Patrick Jane/Teresa Lisbon-Mentalist
Nancy Drew/Frank Hardy-Nancy Drew/Hardy boys
Anakin Skywalker/Ahsoka Tano-Star wars:Clone wars
Claire Redfield/Leon.S Kennedy-Resident Evil
Chris Redfield/Jill Valentine-Resident Evil
Sheva Almor/Josh Stone-Resident Evil
Sora/Kairi-Kingdom Hearts
Kagome/Riku-Inuyasha/Kingdom Hearts crossover
Riku/Yuffie-Kingdom Hearts
Nick/Rochelle-Left 4 dead
Ellis/Zoey-Left 4 dead
Stefan/Elena-Vampire Diaries
Damon/Bonnie-Vampire Diaires
Jeremy/Anna-Vampire Diaires
Alaric/Jenna-Vampire Diaires
Tyler/Caroline-Vampire Diaires
Derek/Chloe-The darkest powers
Rick/Kate-Castle
Claire Redfield/Albert Wesker-Resident Evil
Kurt/Blaine-glee
Finn/Rachel-glee
Rachel/Sam-glee
Santana/Brittany-glee
Rachel/Sam-glee
Rachel/Matt-glee
Rachel/Mike-glee
Rachel/Sebastian-glee
Rachel/Wes-glee
Santana/Rachel(friendship)-glee
Brittany/Rachel(friendship)-glee
Kurt/Rachel(friendship)-glee
Blaine/Rachel(friendship)-glee
Will/Emma-glee
Danny/Sam-Danny Phantom
Rose/Dimitri-Vampire Academy
Random
Mommy...Johnny brought a gun to school,
He told his friends that it was cool,
And when he pulled the trigger back,
It shot with a great, huge crack.\
Mommy, I was a good girl, I did what I was told,
I went to school, I got straight A's, I even got the gold!
When I went to school that day,
I never said good-bye.
I'm sorry that I had to go, But Mommy, please don't cry.
When Johnny shot the gun, he hit me and another,
And all because Johnny, got the gun from his brother.
Mommy, please tell Daddy; That I love him very much,
And please tell Zack; my boyfriend; That it wasn't just a crush.
And tell my little sister; That she is the only one now,
And tell my dear sweet grandmother; I'll be waiting for her now
And tell my wonderful friends; That they always were the best
Mommy, I'm not the first, I'm no better than the rest
Mommy, tell my teachers; I won't show up for class,
And never to forget this, And please don't let this pass
Mommy, why'd it have to be me? No one, though. deserves this.
But mommy, it's not fair, I left without a kiss.
And Mommy tell the doctors; I know that they really did try
I think I even saw one doctor, trying not to cry.
Mommy, I'm slowly dying, with a bullet in my chest,
But Mommy please remember, I'm in heaven with the rest
When I heard that great, big crack, I ran as fast as I could
please listen to me if you would,
I wanted to go to college, I wanted to try things that were new
I guess I'm not going with Daddy, On that trip to the new zoo
I wanted to get married, I wanted to have a kid,
I wanted to be an actress, I really wanted to live.
But Mommy I must go now, The time is getting late,
Mommy, tell my Zack, I'm sorry I to cancel the date.
I love you Mommy, I always have, I know you know its true
And Mommy all I need to say is, "Mommy, I love you"
In Memory of The Columbine & Virginia Tech
Students Who Were Lost
My name is Sarah
I am but three,
My eyes are swollen
I cannot see,
I must be stupid
I must be bad,
What else could have made
My daddy so mad?
I wish I were better
I wish I weren't ugly,
Then maybe my mommy
Would still want to hug me.
I can't speak at all
I can't do a wrong
Or else I'm locked up
All the day long
When I awake I'm all alone
The house is dark
My folks aren't home.
When my mommy does come
I'll try and be nice,
So maybe I'll get just
One whipping tonight
Don't make a sound!
I just heard a car
My daddy is back
From Charlie's Bar.
I hear him curse
My name he calls
I press myself
Against the wall.
I try and hide
From his evil eyes
I'm so afraid now
I'm standing to cry.
He finds me weeping
He shouts ugly words,
He says its my faultThat he suffers at work.
He slaps me and hits me
And yells at me more,
I finally get free
And I run for the door.
He's already locked it
And I start to bawl,
He takes me and throws me
Against the hard wall.
I fall to the floor
With my bones nearly broken,
And my daddy continues
With more bad words spoken.
"I'm sorry!", I scream
But its now much too late
His face has been twisted
Into unimaginable hate.
The hurt and the pain
Again and again
Oh please God, have mercy!
Oh please let it end!
And he finally stops
And heads for the door,
While I lay there motionless
Sprawled on the floor.
My name is Sarah
And I am but three,
Tonight my daddy,
Murdered me.
child abuse, MAKE IT STOP!
Girls
are like
apples on trees.
The best ones are
at the top of the tree. The
boys don’t want to reach
for the good ones because they
are afraid of falling and getting hurt.
Instead, they just get the rotten apples
from the ground that aren't as good,
but easy. So the apples at the top think
something is wrong with them, when in
reality, they're amazing. They just
have to wait for the right boy to
come along, the one who's
brave enough to
climb all
the way
to the top
of the tree.
Did you know...
kissing is healthy.
bananas are good for period pain.
it's good to cry.
chicken soup actually makes you feel better.
94 percent of boys would love it if you sent them flowers.
lying is actually unhealthy.
you really only need to apply mascara to your top lashes.
it's actually true, boys DO insult you when they like you.
89 percent of guys want YOU to make the first move.
it's impossible to apply mascara with your mouth closed.
chocolate will make you feel better.
most boys think it's cute when you say the wrong thing.
a good friend never judges.
a good foundation will hide all hickeys... not that you have any.
boys aren't worth your tears.
we all love surprises.
If you're the type of rare special friend, that does more or less these things ...
1. You would go up to the guy that just broke up with your best friend, and shout out, all up in his face, "IT'S BECAUSE YOU'RE GAY, ISN'T IT?!"
2. If you're the type of person that with out a word, would leave your best friend in her room crying, and return only minutes later, puffed out from running, with a tub of Ben and Jerry ice cream in one hand and about 5 chick flicks in the other
3. When your best friends trips and hurts herself, you ask her if shes ok, but once you see that its nothing major, you start cracking up laughing because its so damn hilarious!
4. If your friend is refusing to eat, you would literally threaten her and shove food down her throat, becuase its not healthy to skip meals
5. You the type of person that will call your best friend ANY time of the day, just to say 'hi', and that person will not hang up on you, even if its 3 am in the morning:D
I'll bring the shovel
are you tired of all those sissy 'friendship' poems that alwayssound good, but never actualy come close to reality? well, heres is a series of promises that really speaks to true friendship:
1) when you are sad- I will help get you drunk and plot revenge against the sorry bastard who made you sad.
2)when you are blue- I will try to dislodge whatever is choking you.
3) when you smile- I will know you finally got laid
4) when you are scared- I wil rag on you every chance I get.
5) when you are worried- I will tell you horrible stories about how much worse it could be and to quit whining.
6)when you are confused- I will use little words.
7)when you are sick- stay the hell away from me until you are well again. I don't want whatever you have.
8)when you fall- I will point and laugh at your clumsy ass.
this is my path... I pledge it till the end
why? you may ask.
because you are my friend.
remember" a good friend will help you move. a really good friend will help you move a body. let me know if I ever need to bring a shovel.
a good friend will come and bail you out of jail... but a true friend will be sitting next to you saying, "damn... that was fun!"
YOU KNOW YOU'RE AN AUTHOR IF...
You talk to yourself a lot. (Alot meaning all the time...)
You talk to yourself about talking to yourself. (e.g. 'Why do I constantly ask my self random things?')
When you talk to yourself you often talk to yourself like you're talking to someone else. (e.g. 'Have you ever noticed that deliver could mean someone's liver?')
After uttering a profound piece of wisdom like that above, you stare at the cookie in your hand with awe and say, "Wow,this stuff is great for sugar highs...'
You live off of sugar and caffeine (the two greatest things ever discovered!)
You'll check your e-mail every day of the week and then disappear off the face of the earth.
You're e-mails tend to be pages long and incredibly random.
When replying to an e-mail, you'll never actually address the point of it.
You tend to collect Bic Stics off the ground like picking pennies off the ground.
No matter where you are in a room you never have to get up to find a pen/pencil and paper.
The letters on your keyboard are wearing off. (well no, but I've gone though ALOT of pencils)
Your friends and family think that you have carpal tunnel syndrome.
People think you have A.D.D.
You think it'd be cool to have A.D.D.
You constantly start talking in third person, present or past tense.
You start thinking about making lists like this and start giggling for no "apparent" reason
Your friends stopped looking at you funny when you laugh for no apparent reason a loooooong time ago.
And FINALLY, the one way to tell if you're a good writer: You failed English 101.
Im Just this kinda girl:
1. If my bestfriend asks me if its okay if she dates my ex, i say "good luck" and walk away...quickly...
2. I hang out at the library more than home
3. I hang with more guys than girls
4. I hang out with my crush, i dont run to my friend and start talking about him non-stop
5. I plays video games until my head explodes
6. I runs into parked cars
7. I talk to myself about absoultly nothing
For people that hate stereotypes: If you think people should just shut up and stop, put this on your profile. (BOLD the ones you are.)
I'm SKINNY, so I MUST be anorexic.
I'm EMO, so I MUST cut my wrists.
I'm a NEGRO so I MUST carry a gun.
I'm BLONDE, so I MUST be a ditz
I'm JAMAICAN so I MUST smoke weed.
I'm HAITIAN so I MUST eat cat.
xI'm ASIAN, so I MUST be sexy.
I'm JEWISH, so I MUST be greedy.
I'm GAY, so I MUST have AIDS.
I'm a LESBIAN, so I MUST have a sex-tape.
I'm ARAB, so I MUST be a terrorist.
I SPEAK MY MIND, so I MUST be a bitch. (hell YEAH I AM! .)
I'm a GAY RIGHTS SUPPORTER, so I WILL go to hell. (Ha. im going to Hell WITHOUT supporting Gay rights.)
I'm a CHRISTAN, so I MUST think gay people should go to hell.
I'm RELIGIOUS, so I MUST shove my beliefs down your throat.
I'm ATHEIST so I MUST hate the world.
I don't have a RELIGION, so I MUST be evil and have no morals.(Indeed I must be)
I'm REPUBLICAN, so I MUST not care about poor people.
I'm DEMOCRAT, so I MUST not believe in being responsible.
I am LIBERAL, so I MUST be gay.
I'm SOUTHERN, so I MUST be white trash.
I TAKE (or used to take) ANTI-DEPRESSANTS, so I MUST be crazy.
I'm a GUY, so I MUST only want to get into your pants.
I'm IRISH, so I MUST have a bad drinking problem.(Of course just can't keep the booze away...NOT)
I'm INDIAN, so I MUST own a convenient store.
I'm NATIVE AMERICAN, so I MUST dance around a fire screaming like a savage.
I'm a CHEERLEADER, so I MUST be a whore.
I'm a DANCER, So I must be stupid, stuck up, and a whore.
I wear SKIRTS a lot, so I MUST be a slut.
I'm a PUNK, so I MUST do drugs.
I'm RICH, so I MUST be a conceited snob.
I WEAR BLACK, so I MUST be a goth or emo.
I'm a WHITE GIRL, so I MUST be a nagging, steal-your-money kind of girlfriend.
I'm CUBAN, so I MUST spend my spare time rolling cigars.
I'm NOT A VIRGIN, so I MUST be easy.
I FELL IN LOVE WITH A MARRIED MAN, so I MUST be a home-wrecking whore.
I'm a TEENAGE MOM, so I MUST be an irresponsible slut.
I'm POLISH, so I MUST wear my socks with my sandals.
I'm ITALIAN, so I must have a "big one".
I'm EGYPTIAN, so I must be a TERRORIST!
I'm PRETTY, so I MUST not be a virgin.
I HAVE STRAIGHT A'S, so I MUST have no social life.
I DYE MY HAIR CRAZY COLORS, so I MUST be looking for attention.
I DRESS IN UNUSUAL WAYS so I MUST be looking for attention.
I'm INTO THEATER & ART, so I MUST be a homosexual. (oh HELL NO! THIS DID NOT JUST DIS MY PASSION!I WILL END YOU)
I'm a VEGETARIAN, so I MUST be a crazy political activist.
I HAVE A BUNCH OF GUY FRIENDS, so I MUST be fucking them all.
I HAVE A BUNCH OF GIRLS WHO ARE FRIENDS, so I MUST be a player.
I have Big BOOBS, so I MUST be a hoe.
I'm COLOMBIAN, so I MUST be a drug dealer.
I WEAR WHAT I WANT, so I MUST be a poser.
I'm RUSSIAN, so I MUST be cool and thats how Russians roll.
I'm GERMAN, so I must be a Nazi. (nope, but i do think nazi is a funi word...not z...nota z...nat z!)
I hang out with GAYS, so I must be GAY TOO.
I'm BRAZILIAN, so I MUST have a BIG BUTT.
I'm PUERTO RICAN, so I MUST look good and be conceited.
I'm SALVADORIAN, so I MUST be in MS 13.
I'm POLISH, so I MUST be greedy.
I'm HAWAIIAN so I MUST be lazy.
I'm PERUVIAN, so I MUST like llamas.
Im a STONER so I MUST be going in the wrong direction.
Im a VIRGIN so I MUST be prude. (...)
Im STRAIGHT EDGE so I must be violent.
I'm a FEMALE GAMER, so I MUST be ugly.(OH HELL NO)
I'm BLACK so I MUST love fried chicken and kool-aid.
I'm a GIRL who actually EATS LUNCH, so I MUST be fat.(Which is completely against the fact that I highlighted i'm skinny)
I'm SINGLE so I MUST be ugly.
I'm a SKATER so I must do weed and steal stuff
I'm a PUNK so I must only wear black and date only other punks
I'm ASIAN so I must be a NERD that does HOMEWORK 24/7
I'm CHRISTIAN so I MUST hate homosexuals.
I'm MIXED so I must be screwed up.
I'm MUSLIM so I MUST be a terrorist.
I'm in BAND, so I MUST be a dork.
I'm BLACK so I MUST believe JESUS WUZ A BROTHA
I'm MORMON so I MUST be perfect
I'm WHITE and have black friends so I MUST think I'm black
I'm GOTH so I MUST worship the devil.
I'm HISPANIC, so I MUST be dirty.
I'm NOT LIKE EVERYONE ELSE, so I MUST be a loser.
I'm OVERWEIGHT, so I MUST have a problem with self control.
I'm PREPPY, so I MUST shun those who don't wear Abercrombie & Hollister.
I'm on a DANCE team, so I must be stupid, stuck up, and a whore.
I'm YOUNG, so I MUST be naive.
I'm MEXICAN, so I MUST have hopped the border.
I GOT A CAR FOR MY BIRTHDAY, so I MUST be a spoiled brat.(It was just my parents old one, geez)
I'm BLACK, so I MUST love watermelon
I'm BI, so I MUST think every person I see is hot.
I'm an ASIAN GUY, so I MUST have a small penis.
I'm a GUY CHEERLEADER, so I MUST be gay.
I'm a PREP, so I MUST be rich.
I don't like the SUN so I MUST be an albino. (nope, just a vampire :p)
I have a lot of FRIENDS, so I MUST love to drink and party.
I wear tight PANTS and I'm a guy, so I MUST be emo.
I couldn't hurt a FLY, So I MUST be a pussy.
I support GAY RIGHTS, so I MUST fit in with everyone. (wtf is up wit this one?)
I hang out with teenage drinkers and smokers, so I MUST smoke and drink too.
I have ARTISTIC TALENT, so I MUST think little of those who don't.
I don't like to be in a BIG GROUP, so I MUST be anti-social.
I have a DIFFERENT sense of HUMOR, so I MUST be crazy.
I tell people OFF, so I MUST be an over controlling bitch. (nope, just hate bitches)
My hair gets GREASY a lot, so I MUST have no hygiene skills.
I'm DEFENSIVE, so I MUST be over controlling and a bitch. (riightttt...)
I'm a NUDIST, so I MUST want everyone to see my boobs.
I read Comics, so I MUST be a loser. (dude, dosen't everyone?)
I hang out with a FORMER PROSTITUTE so I MUST be a whore myself.
I'm TEXAN so I MUST ride a horse
I’m a CROSSDRESSER, so I must be homosexual.
I draw ANIME so I MUST be a freak.
I am a FANGIRL so I MUST be a crazy, obsessed stalker.
I WATCH PORN so I MUST be perverted.
I'm an ONLY CHILD so I MUST be spoiled.
I'm INTELLIGENT so I MUST be weak
I am AMERICAN so I MUST be obese, loud-mouthed and arrogant.
I'm WELSH so I MUST love sheep
I'm SCOTTISH so I MUST have ginger hair and wear a skirts
I’m a YOUNG WRITER, so I MUST be emo. (thats deep man, thats deep...ima go cut myself now)
I’m CANADIAN, so I MUST talk with a funny accent. (i Don't think i do...i have friends from other countries and they don't think so...soooo)
I'm a GUY, so I MUST ditch my pregnant girlfriend.
I'm CANADIAN, so I MUST love hockey and beavers.
I'm DISABLED, so I MUST be on Welfare.
I'm a FEMINIST, so I MUST have a problem with sexuality and I want to castrate every man on the earth.
I'm a TEENAGER, so I MUST have a STEREOTYPE. (hell no-yeah-no...)
I WEAR A BIG SUNHAT when I go outside, so I MUST be stupid.
I like BLOOD, so I must be a VAMPIRE.(pssh...i only drink my own blood to stop it from bleeding)
I'm an ALBINO, so I MUST be an evil person with mental abilities and is A MURDERER!
I'm ENGLISH, so I MUST speak with either a cockney or a posh accent, love tea and cricket, and have bad teeth. (I LOVE TEAAA!!)
I’m WHITE, so I MUST be responsible for everything going wrong on the planet: past, present, and future.
I don't like YAOI or YURI, so I must be a HOMOPHOBE
I’m not the most POPULAR person in school, so I MUST be a loser
I care about the ENVIRONMENT...I MUST be a tree hugging hippy
I have a FAN CHARACTER, so I MUST be an annoying Mary-sue. (pshh, my characters kick mary-sue butt any day!)
I CHAT, I MUST be having cyber sex.
I'm a PAGAN so I MUST sacrifice babies and drink the blood of virgins
I'm a PAGAN so I MUST worship Satan
I'm CONSERVATIVE, so I MUST be against Abortion
I'm SWEDISH so I MUST be a tall blond blue-eyed lesbian.
I'm a LESBIAN so I MUST want to get with every single girl that I see.
I like CARTOONS, so I MUST be IRRESPONSIBLE. (HEY! i get bored on saturdays kay?)
I like READING, so I MUST be a LONER.
I have my OWN spiritual ideology; therefore I MUST be WRONG or MISGUIDED.
I am WICCAN, so I MUST be a SATANIST.
I DISAGREE with my government, so I MUST be a TERRORIST. (yup, bomb lab in my closet. along with my collection of socks >.>)
I am a WITCH, so I MUST be and OLD HAG and fly on a broomstick.
I love YAOI, so I MUST be GAY. (Nope, just a supporter)
I'm a PERSON, so I MUST be LABELED (kay, so i cant wear the hello, im (your name here) stickers anymore?! DAMN IT!)
I DON'T CURSE, so I MUST be an outcast
I like GAMES, ANIME and COMICS, so I MUST be childish (maybe...)
I'm SWEDISH, therefore I MUST be WHITE.
I SPOT GRAMMATICAL ERRORS, so I MUST be a pedantic bastard. (ha, i spot them, just not my own. is dnt no wat u talkin bout...)
I'm GOTHIC, so I MUST be mean.
I’m STRONG so I MUST be stupid.
I'm Australian so I MUST hunt crocodiles and talk to kangaroo’s
I go to RENFAIRES, so I MUST talk weird, be a loser, and not be up with the times
I’m GAY so I’m after EVERY straight guy around.
I don’t want a BOYFRIEND so I MUST be Lesbian.
I'm NOT CHRISTIAN so I MUST just need converting.
I love marching band, so I MUST be a friendless freak.
I DRINK and SMOKE, so I MUST have no life.
I am friends with a CUTTER, so I MUST be a CUTTER too.
I cry easily, so I MUST be a wimp. (nope, just a girl)
I can't help pointing out mistakes so I MUST be an over-controlling perfectionist (righttttt...)
I'm a PERFECTIONIST so I MUST check everything ten times, then burst into tears at one mistake
I DON’T LIKE to talk about my personal life so I MUST be having problems
I like FIRE so I must be an arsonist. (FIREEE!!)
I play VIDEO GAMES so I MUST be a LOSER
Favorite Phrases
The fact that you think I'm listening to you just shows me how stupid you really are
Me: Mirror Mirror on the wall who's the cruelest of them all?
Mirror: You win hands down. Please don't break me.
When life gives you lemons squirt the juice in your enemies eyes
Break my Heart I break your neck
Flying is easy just throw yourself at the floor and miss (Not responsible for any injuries sustained from throwing self at floor)
You know it's going to be a bad day when you jump out of bed and miss the floor
Sometimes violence is the only way to get what you want
Life isn't passing me by it's trying to run me over
I know I seem mean but it's because I don't like you
Everybody wants to go to heaven; but nobody wants to die.
A computer once beat me at chess, but it was no match for me at kick boxing.
Boys are like trees - they take 50 years to grow up.
There are no stupid questions, just stupid people.
What are the three words guaranteed to humiliate men everywhere?
'Hold my purse.'
Therapist = The/rapist... scary thought
You laugh now because you're older than me by mere months, but when you're 30 and I'm still 29, who will be laughing then?
I live in a world full of bunnies and unicorns...but the bunnies are cutting themselves and the unicorns are acting all emo again
You say I'm not cool. But cool is another word for cold. If I'm not cold, I'm hot. I know I'm hot. Thanks for embracing it.
You're intoxicated by my very presence
Officer, I swear to Drunk I'm not God!
Come to the dark side. We have COOKIES!
You cry, I cry, you laugh, I laugh, you fall off a cliff, I laugh even harder
When it rains on my party, I bust out the slip n' slide.
I don't obsess! I think intensely.
All the good ones are either gay, married, or fictional characters in books or movies.
There are three kinds of people in the world; ones that can count and ones that can't count.
They say "Guns don't kill people, people kill people." Well I think the guns help. If you stood there and yelled BANG, I don't think you'd kill too many people
Amatures built the ark. Profssionals built the titanic...
those who dont learn from history are doomed to repeat it
There's nothing wrong with taking to random objects, its when they start to talk back that you need to worry.
Who ever said that words never hurt obviously has never got hit by a dictionary.
Who ever says 'as easy as taking candy from a baby' has never tried to.
A good friend will comfort you when he rejects you. A best friend will go up and ask him, "It's because you're gay, isn't it?"
A good friend will be there for you when he breaks up with you. A best friend will prank call him and whisper, " You will die in seven days..."
A good friend helps you up when you fall. A best friend keeps on walking saying, "Walk much?"
A good friend helps you find your prince. A best friend kidnaps him and brings him to you.
A good friend gives you their umbrella in the rain. A best friend takes yours and says, "Run - beep - run!"
A good friend will help you move. A best friend will help you move the bodies.
A good friend will bail you out of jail. A best friend would be in the room next to you saying, "That was awesome! Let's do it again!"
It is better to keep your mouth shut and appear stupid than to open it and remove all doubt
Parents spend the first part of our lives teaching us how to walk and talk, the rest of our lives they tell us to just sit down and shut up
If at first you don't succeed, Then skydiving isn't for you!
You're just jealous because the voices are talking to me
My imaginary friend thinks you have some serious problems
When you get caught looking at him, just remember, he was looking back
Love comes in many colors
One day we will look back on this, laugh nervously, and change the subject
Dying is a very dull, and dreary affair, my suggestion to you is to have nothing to do with it.
Give a person a fish and feed them for a day, teach them how to use the internet and they won't bother you for weeks!
Love your enemys! It really pissess them off!
A postitve attitude may not solve all your problems, but it annoys enough people to make it worth it!
I'm not insensitive, I just dont care
The voices in my head don't like you
Even if the voices aren't real...they have some good ideas
A wise man once said, "I don't know, go ask a woman."
Some people are like slinkies...they're not good for anything but it's fun to watch them fall down the stairs.
If you were me... I'd be ugly!
You can't make somebody love you. All you can do is stalk them and hope for the best!
War doesn't determine who's right. War determines who's left.
Before you critisize someone walk a mile in their shoes, that way you'll be a mile away and have their shoes!
the statistics of insanty is that 1 of every 4 people have a mental illness. Look at your three best friends, if they're ok, then it's you!
Growing older is manditory. Growing up is Optional
Cry me a river, build a bridge and get over it.
"You say I've lost my sanity. Well I have news for you. You can't lose what you never had."
If you're gonna be two-faced, sweetie at least make one of them pretty
-I run with scissors; it makes me feel dangerous
-yeah, Im a loser. but the coolest loser you'll ever meet
-save the earth. it's the only planet with chocolate.
- I've heard that its possible to grow up. I've just never met anyone who's actually done it. (Besides, whats the fun in that?)
- No I won't go to hell! it has a restraining order against me
-Kids are the future. Be afraid. Be very afraid.
-when Life gives you lemons, throw them back, because I mean really? who likes lemons?
-when Life gives you lemons, make grape juice, and sit back and watch the world wonder how you did it.
-when Life gives you lemons, squirt them in Life's eye, and see how much Life likes lemons then.
I'm not so good with the advice. can i interest you in a sarcastic comment?
-i called your boyfriend gay and he hit me with his purse
oops! did my sarcasm hurt your feelings?
- i used to have an open mind, but my brains kept falling out
-I'm gonna give him a piece of my mind! but not my brain. I need that.
-smile; it makes people wonder what you're up to
- i talk to myself because my answers are the only ones i accept!
- therapy is expensive. popping bubble wrap is cheap... you decide
-i used to see a shrink... until she said life isnt for everyone
- excuse me, have you seen my sanity? I think I lost it
-if olive oil comes from olives, where does baby oil come from?
-i live in my own little world. but it's ok, they know me there
-money can't buy happiness. it just buys everything you need to acheive it
-the dinosaurs' extinction wasn't an accident. Barney came and they all commited suicide
-your weirdness is creeping out my imaginary friend
-tell the truth and run
-if electricity comes from electrons, where do you think morality comes from?
-Isn't it funny how the word 'politics' is made up of the words 'poli' meaning many and 'tics' as in the bloodsucking creatures?
-if everything seems to be going well, you've obviously overlooked something
-education is important. school however, is another matter.
-i used to be normal... until i met those freaks i call my friends
You can talk to innanimate objects, but when they talk back, you know somethings wrong
Most people would be offended if someone asked them what was wrong with their mind. Copy this if you would be one of the few people that would answer, "Where to begin?"
Don't you dare tell me the sky is the limit when there are footsteps on the moon.
Two things are infinite; the universe, and human stupidity... not so sure about the universe.
Be insane... because well behaved girls never made history.
When someone annoys you it takes 42 muscles to frown about it but it only takes 4 muscles to extend your arm and beat the crap out of them.
What happens if you get scared half to death twice?" That's a really good question...i wonder...
Roses are red,
Violets are blue,
Sugar is sweet,
And so are you,
But the roses are wilting,
The violets are dead,
The sugar bowl's empty,
And so is your head.
If ya can't beat 'em, join 'em.
If ya can't join 'em, bribe 'em.
If ya can't bribe 'em, blackmail 'em.
If ya can't blackmail 'em, kill 'em.
If ya can't kill 'em, you're screwed.
Unfortunately, you can't die of a broken heart.
Heaven doesn't want me, and Hell's afraid I'll take over
If you know me, chances are you hate me.
I had a friend once, but then the rope broke and he got away
Don't worry about the people in your past, there's a reason they didn't make it to your future.
He gave her 12 roses, 11 real and 1 fake and said, "I will love you until the last rose dies."
Sometimes people run away just to see if anyone cares enough to follow.
Sometimes you make me so mad I wanna throw you in the middle of ongoing traffic, but then I realise I would probably kill myself trying to save you.
"I love you" is eight letters. So is "bullcrap."
People say love is like magic, but isn't magic just an illusion?
You call me crazy, I've been called worse by the voices in my head.
You call me crazy like its the ultimate insult but I just stare at you blankly and say "So"
I don't suffer from insanity, I enjoy every minute of it.
Don't make someone a priority when they make you an option.
If you live to be 100, I want to be 100 minus one day, so I never have to live without you.
When you said you hated me I felt all fuzzy inside. I wonder why.
Twilight made me realise... Real life is extremely boring.
Tu madre! Yes, you just got burnt in Spanish.
If he's dumb enough to walk away, then be smart enough to let him go.
Keep on talking maybe one day you'll say something intelligent
When I said "I wish you a life time of happiness" after you srewed me over I meant I was going to kill you
Its a funny thing when everyone at the local asylum knows your name
Your intelligence is stupid
I'm a fire fighter, I'm hear to save your ass not kiss it.
I once believed I could fly. The broken neck proved that theory wrong and it wasn't even my neck
My boyfriend and I can't have a public relationship. He's afraid the town will either lock him up in the asylum and ask him what i did to make him dilusional enough to like me or run him out for being involved with the devil.
“Got a problem with me? Solve it. Think I’m trippin’? Tie my shoes. Can’t stand me? Sit your ass down. Can’t face me? Then turn the fuck around!”
Sarcastic!Me?Never!
If talking to your self is the first sign of insanity, what’s sign two?
I’m a cold and heartless bitch, but I’m damn good at it
Somtimes I wonder ' Why is that frisbee geting bigger' and then it hits me...
HAAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA...NO!!
If you don't like me there is nothing i can do. newsflash bitch, I don't live to please you
Ten percent of people in Britain believe that their food has a party when they shut the fridge door.
If you get sent to jail, a friend will bail you out. A best friend will be in the cell next to you saying, "Darn we sure screwed up!
Whose cruel idea was it for the words 'lisp' to have an 's' in it?
How is it possible to have a civil war? Easy. Unfortionatly Very easy.
Right now I'm having amnesia and deja vu at the same time. I think I've forgotten this before.
I’m not saying you’re stupid, I’m just implying it.
Whoever said nothing is impossible never tried slamming a revolving door...
It's always the last place you look...of course it is, why the heck would I keep looking after I found it?
When life gives you lemons, alter their DNA and make SUPER LEMONS!
I'm the kind of person that walks into a door and apologizes.
16 THINGS TO DO AT WAL-MART
1. Get 24 boxes of condoms and randomly put them in people's carts when they aren't looking.
2. Set all the alarm clocks in Electronics to go off at 5-minute intervals.
3. Make a trail of tomato juice on the floor leading to the rest rooms.
4. Walk up to an employee and tell him/her in an official tone,
" 'Code 3' in housewares"... and see what happens.
5. Go the Service Desk and ask to put a bag of M&M's on lay away.
6. Move a 'CAUTION - WET FLOOR' sign to a carpeted area.
7. Set up a tent in the camping department and tell other shoppers you'll invite them in if they'll bring pillows from the bedding department.
8. When a clerk asks if they can help you, begin to cry and ask,
"Why can't you people just leave me alone?"
9. Look right into the security camera & use it as a mirror, and pick your nose.
10. While handling guns in the hunting department, ask the clerk if he knows where the anti - depressants are.
11. Dart around the store suspiciously loudly humming the "Mission Impossible" theme.
12. In the auto department, practice your "Madonna look" using different size funnels.
13. Hide in a clothing rack and when people browse through,
say "PICK ME!" "PICK ME!"
14. When an announcement comes over the loud speaker, assume the fetal position and scream..
"NO! NO! It's those voices again!"
15. Go into a fitting room and shut the door and wait a while and then yell, very loudly, "There is no toilet paper in here!
16. Get several bouncy balls and throw them down an aisle shouting "pikachu, I choose you!"
Subject: Scrabble
This has got to be one of the most clever E-mails I've received in awhile. Someone out there either has too much
spare time or is deadly at Scrabble. (Wait till you see the last one)!
DORMITORY:
When you rearrange the letters:
DIRTY ROOM
PRESBYTERIAN:
When you rearrange the letters:
BEST IN PRAYER
ASTRONOMER:
When you rearrange the letters:
MOON STARER
DESPERATION:
When you rearrange the letters:
A ROPE ENDS IT
THE EYES:
When you rearrange the letters:
THEY SEE
GEORGE BUSH:
When you rearrange the letters:
HE BUGS GORE
THE MORSE CODE :
When you rearrange the letters:
HERE COME DOTS
SLOT MACHINES:
When you rearrange the letters:
CASH LOST IN ME
ANIMOSITY:
When you rearrange the letters:
IS NO AMITY
ELECTION RESULTS:
When you rearrange the letters:
LIES - LET'S RECOUNT
SNOOZE ALARMS:
When you rearrange the letters:
ALAS! NO MORE Z 'S
A DECIMAL POINT:
When you rearrange the letters:
IM A DOT IN PLACE
THE EARTHQUAKES:
When you rearrange the letters:
THAT QUEER SHAKE
ELEVEN PLUS TWO:
When you rearrange the letters:
TWELVE PLUS ONE
AND FOR THE GRAND FINALE:
MOTHER-IN-LAW:
When you rearrange the letters:
WOMAN HITLER
Yep! Someone with waaaaaaaaaaay
too much time on their hands! (Probably a son-in-law).
ONLY IN AMERICA...
...can a pizza get delivered to your house sooner than an ambulance can
...are there handicapped parking spaces in front of a skating rink
...do drugstores make sick people walk all the way to the back of the store to get their prescriptions while the healthy people can buy cigarettes at the front
...do people order a double cheeseburger, large fries, and a diet coke
...do banks leave both doors open, but chain the pens to the counter
...do we leave expensive cars in the driveway, and worthless stuff in the garage
...do we buy hot dogs in packages of 10, and buns in packages of 8
...do we use the word 'politics' so freely: Latin: 'poli' meaning many, and 'ticks' meaning blood sucking leaches
...do they have drive up ATM's with Braille lettering
On Sears hairdryer:
Do not use while sleeping.
(Gee, that's the only time I have to work on my hair!)
On a bag of Fritos:
You could be a winner! No purchase necessary. Details inside.
(The shoplifter special!)
On a bar of Dial soap:
Directions: Use like regular soap.
(and that would be how?)
On some Swann frozen dinners:
Serving suggestion: Defrost.
(But it's 'just' a suggestion!)
On Tesco's Tiramisu dessert: (printed on bottom of the box)
Do not turn upside down.
(Too late! you lose!)
On Marks & Spencer Bread Pudding:
Product will be hot after heating.
(Are you sure? Let's experiment.)
On packaging for a Rowenta iron:
Do not iron clothes on body.
(But wouldn't that save more time?And also, whose body?)
On Boot's Children's cough medicine:
Do not drive car or operate machinery.
(We could do a lot to reduce the construction accidents if we just kept those 5 year olds off those fork lifts.)
On Nytol sleep aid:
Warning: may cause drowsiness.
(One would hope!)
On a Korean kitchen knife:
Warning: keep out of children.
(hmm..something must have gotten lost in the translation...)
On a string of Christmas lights:
For indoor or outdoor use only.
(As opposed to use in outer space.)
On a food processor:
Not to be used for the other use.
(Now I'm curious.)
On Sainsbury's peanuts:
Warning: contains nuts.
(but no peas?)
On an American Airlines packet of nuts:
Instructions: open packet, eat nuts.
(somebody got paid big bucks to write this one...)
On a Swedish chainsaw:
Do not attempt to stop chain with your hands.
(Raise your hand if you've tried this.)
On a child's Superman costume:
Wearing of this garment does not enable you to fly.
(Oh go ahead! That's right, destroy a universal childhood belief.)
On artificial bacon:
"Real artificial bacon bits".
(So we don't get fake fake bacon. Oh no we get real fake bacon.)
FRIENDS/BEST FRIENDS
FRIENDS: Will comfort you when he rejects you.
BEST FRIENDS: Will go up and ask him, "It's because you're gay, isn't it?"
FRIENDS: Will be there for you when he breaks up with you.
BEST FRIENDS: Will call him up and whisper, "Seven days..."
FRIENDS: Helps you up when you fall.
BEST FRIENDS: Keeps on walking saying, "Walk much, dumb ass?"
FRIENDS: Helps you find your prince.
BEST FRIENDS: Kidnaps him and brings him to you.
FRIENDS: Will ask you if you're okay when you're crying.
BEST FRIENDS: Will laugh at you and say, "Ha Ha, Loser!"
FRIENDS: Will offer you a soda.
BEST FRIENDS: Will dump theirs on you.
FRIENDS: Will sit at the side of the pool with you at that time of the month.
BEST FRIENDS: Will throw you a tampon and push you in.
FRIENDS: Gives you their umbrella in the rain.
BEST FRIENDS: Takes yours and says, "Run - beep - run!"
FRIENDS: Will help you move.
BEST FRIENDS: Will help you move the bodies.
FRIENDS: Will bail you out of jail.
BEST FRIENDS: Would be in the room next to you saying, "That was awesome! Let's do it again!"
FRIENDS: Never ask for anything to eat or drink.
BEST FRIENDS: Helps themselves and are the reason why you have no food.
FRIENDS: Call your parents by Mr. and Mrs. and Grandpa, by Grandpa.
BEST FRIENDS: Call your parents DAD and MOM and Grandpa, GRAMPS!
FRIENDS: Would bail you out of jail.
BEST FRIENDS: Would be sitting next to you sayin "DAMN!" we messed up!
FRIENDS: Have never seen you cry
BEST FRIENDS: Wont tell everyone else you cried...just laugh about it with you in private when your not down anymore.
FRIENDS: Asks you to write down your number.
BEST FRIENDS: Has you on speed dial.
FRIENDS: Borrows your stuff for a few days then gives it back.
BEST FRIENDS: Loses your stuff and tells you, "My bad...here's a tissue."
FRIENDS: Only know a few things about you.
BEST FRIENDS: Could write a very embarrassing biography on your life story...
FRIENDS: Will leave you behind if that is what the crowd is doing.
BEST FRIENDS: Will kick the whole crowds ass that left you
FRIENDS: Would knock on your front door.
BEST FRIENDS: Walk right in and say "I'M HOME."
FRIENDS: You have to tell them not to tell anyone.
BEST FRIENDS: Already know not to tell.
FRIENDS: Are only through high school/college. (aka: drinking buddies)
BEST FRIENDS: Are for life.
FRIENDS: Will be there to take your drink away from you when they think you've had enough.
BEST FRIENDS: Will look at you stumbling all over the place & say "Girl drink the rest of that ! You know we don't waste!
Money can't buy you friends or happiness, but friends can buy you stuff for happiness.
Chocolate is a woman's catnip
It's not illegal if you don't get caught.
Procrastination at its best.
Early to bed, early to rise makes a man stupid and blind in the eyes.
One day my ship will come in. I'm sure I'll be at the airport.
National Sarcasm Society. Like we need your support.
Sarcasm. Just another service I offer.
They say I have ADD, they just don't understand. Oh look! A chicken!
Any connection between your reality and mine is purely coincidental.
It takes 43 muscles to frown, 13 to smile, but none to sit there with a dumb look on your face
Type your name with your knuckles: ladysnowstorm
Type your name with your nose: ladysnowstoem(close)
Type your name with your name with your feet: laadysnowswtormm(close)
Type your name with a pen without looking: ladysbnoestor(close)
Her name was Aurora
She was only five
This is what happened
When she was alive
Her dad was a drunk
Her mom was an addict
Her parents kept her
Locked in an attic
Her only friend
was a little toy bear
It was old and worn out
And had patches of hair
She always talked to it
When no one's around
She lays there and hugs it
Not a peep of sound
Until her parents
come back and for sure
There is more pain
She'll have to endure
A bruise on her leg
A scar on her face
Why would she be
In such a horrible place?
But she grabs her bear
And softly cries
She loves her parents
But they want her to die
She sits in the corner
Quiet but thinking,
" God, why? Why is
My life always sinking? "
Such a bad life
For a sad little kid
She'd get beaten and beaten
For anything she did
Then one night
Her mom came home high
The poor child was hit and slapped
As hours went by
Then her mom suddenly
Grabbed for a blade
It was sharp and pointy
One that she made
She thrusted the blade
Right in her chest,
" You deserve to die
You worthless pest! "
The mom walked out
Leaving the girl slowly dying
She grabbed her bear
And again started crying
Police showed up
At the small little house
They quickly barged in
Everything was as quiet as a mouse
One officer slowly
Opened a door
To find the sad little girl
Lying on the floor
It must have been bad
To go through so much harm
But at least she died
With her best friend in her arms
1. YOUR REAL NAME: Kassandra
2. YOUR GANGSTA NAME: Star
3. YOUR DETECTIVE NAME: (fav color and fav animal): Black tiger
4. YOUR SOAP OPERA NAME: (middle name, and current street name): Leigh Haig
5. YOUR STAR WARS NAME: (the first 3 letters of your last name, first 2 letters of your first name, last 3 letters of mom's maiden name): Metkaske
6. YOUR SUPERHERO NAME: (2nd favorite color, favorite drink):Purple Coke
7. Your Goth Name (Black plus the name of one of your pets):Black Shadow
8. YOUR WITNESS PROTECTION NAME: (mothers middle name): Lynn
9.Your Nobody name (Take all the letters of your first name, mix them around and put an "x" where you think it should go):Xasisek
One day we will look back on this, laugh nervously, and change the subject.
EMO--Extravagently Made Origami
Life isn't passing me by, it's trying to run me over.
You laugh now because you're older than me by mere months, but when you're 30 and I'm still 29, who will be laughing then?
You say I'm not cool. But cool is another word for cold. If I'm not cold, I'm hot. I know I'm hot. Thanks for embracing it.
I don't obsess! I think intensely.
They say "Guns don't kill people, people kill people." Well I think the guns help. If you stood there and yelled BANG, I don't think you'd kill too many people
I've got ADD and magic markers. Oh, the fun I will have!
I'm not paranoid... WHICH ONE OF MY ENEMIES TOLD YOU THIS?!
Don’t knock on death’s door. Ring the bell and run. He hates that.
If at first you don't succeed, destroy all evidence that you tried.
Quotes by Hawk-master
If you don't get what you want the first time you ask for it, thank god your not a spoiled rich kid.
When life gives you lemons, find someone who got vodka and have a party.
If you can dress a deer but can't change a baby's diaper, you might be a redneck.
Words that sends all videogamers extreme fear: Noob, hackers, teamkiller, spawnkiller, baseraper, and spammer.
A good friend will come and bail u out of jail, but a bestfriend will sit next to u and say... DAMN, WAS THAT FUN OR WHAT?!
When life gives you lemons make orange juice, then kick back and laugh your ass off while the rest of the world wonders how the hell you did it.
''I love you'' is 8 letters. And so is ''bullshit''
First God made man... then he had a better idea.
PMS: the woman's right to be a BITCH.
Behind every untrusting girl... is the dipshit guy that made her that way.
Best friends always have your back, so when you decide to shoot up the place and you run out of bullets... they have more.
Every girl has to grow up and learn that fairytales are not real, and that there is no such thing as a ''prince charming''
Life is full of drama, we all have problems, so what you need to do is PUT ON YOUR BIG GIRL PANTIES and DEAL WITH IT!!
Your only a ''Bad Girl'' if you get caught, so that makes me a ''Good Girl'', right?
You can't brake a girl that thinks nothing of you.
You say PINK
I say BLACK
You say HANNAH MONTANA
I say METALLICA
You say ZAC EFRON
I say CHRIS ADLER
You say RAP
I say METAL
You say IM WEIRD
I say IM DIFFERENT
Annoying things to do on an elevator: read this!:) very funny!!
1) CRACK open your briefcase or handbag,
peer Inside and ask "Got enough air in
there?"
2) STAND silent and motionless in the
corner facing the wall without getting off.
3) WHEN arriving at your floor, grunt
and strain to yank the doors open, then
act as if you're embarrassed when they
open themselves.
4) GREET everyone with a warm handshake
and ask him or her to call you Admiral.
5) MEOW occasionally.
6) STARE At another passenger for a
while. Then announce in horror: "You're
one of THEM" - and back away slowly
7) SAY -DING at each floor.
8) SAY "I wonder what all these do?" And
push all the red buttons.
9) MAKE explosion noises when anyone
presses a button.
10) STARE, grinning at another passenger
for a while, then announce: "I have new
socks on."
11) WHEN the elevator is silent, look
around and ask: "Is that your beeper?"
12) TRY to make personal calls on the
emergency phone.
13) DRAW a little square on the floor
with chalk and announce to the other
passengers: "This is my personal space."
14) WHEN there's only one other person
in the elevator, tap them on the
shoulder, then pretend it wasn't you.
15) PUSH the buttons and pretend they
give you a shock. Smile, and go back for
more.
16) ASK if you can push the button for
other people but push the wrong ones.
17) HOLD the doors open and say you're
waiting for your friend. After a while,
let the doors close and say "Hi Greg,
How's your day been?"
18) DROP a pen and wail until someone
reaches to help pick it up, then scream:
"That's mine!"
19) BRING a camera and take pictures of
everyone in the lift.
20) PRETEND you're a flight attendant
and review emergency procedures and
exits with the Passengers.
21) SWAT at flies that don't exist.
22) CALL out "Group hug" then enforce it.
1) Are you in a relationship with somebody? No
2) Do you hate more than 3 people? Hell ya
3) How many houses have you lived in? ummmm bout,seven
4) Favorite candy bar? OMFG kit-kats
5) Favorite shoes? my sneakers
6) Have you ever tripped someone? yup *happy voice*
7) Least favorite school subject? Math. :p
9) Do you own a Britney Spears CD? yea...one with her old songs
10) Have you ever thrown up in public? Nope
11) Name one thing that is always on your mind. Music
12) Favorite genre of music? ummmmm...i can't choose *insert scream here*
13) What is your zodiac sign? Libra
14) What time were you born? 3:21pm...yeah
15) Do you like beer? no
16) Ever made a prank phone call? yup...it was so funny
17) What is the most embarrassing CD you own? ummmm...oh one of the kid pop cds
18) Are you sarcastic? me,sarcastic...noooooo never
19) What are your favorite colors? purple,dark blue and black
20) How many watches do you own? one
21) Summer or winter? spring ;)
23) Favorite color to wear? Black and purple
24) Pepsi or Sprite? coke... ;)
25) What color is your cell phone? brown
26) Where is your second home? ummmm it was a apartment in williams lake don't remember the address
27) Have you ever slapped someone? kinda of a fake slap but it still hurt them
28) Have you ever had a cavity? ...yes it was a really small one
29) How many lamps are in your bedroom? None
30) How many video games do you own? ummmm i have a lot for the xbox360...don't know how many
31) What was your first pet? a cat named peaches(R.I.P peaches)
32) Ever had braces? yes...so glad they're off
33) Do looks matter? i don't think so...i wear what i'm comfortable with
34) Do you use chapstick? If I want my lips to last through winter...
35) Name 3 teachers from your High School. Mr.Biller,Mrs.Walker,and Mrs.Coffee
36) American Eagle or Abercombie? American eagle,
37) Are you too forgiving? Hell no, I'm a girl who knows how to hold grudges
38) How many children do you want? Two or three
39) Do you own something from Hot Topic? not yet
40) Favorite breakfast meal? scrambled eggs and bacon
41) Do you own a gun? nope
42) Ever thought you were in love? *sigh*... Yeah
43) When was the last time you cried? Today, Don't judge
44) What did you do 3 nights ago? slept
45) Olive Garden? La Panera? ...IDK WTH La Panderia is, so I'm a... gonna have to go with Olive Garden
46) Have you ever called your teacher mommy? nope
47) Have you ever been in a castle? Yes, in France
48) Nicknames? kas,kaskas,catwoman and ummm Lassie(a long time ago)
49) Do you know anyone named Bertha? ummmmm...let me think.NO
50) Ever been to Kentucky? We drove through it
51)Do you own something from Banana Republic? No
52) Are you thinking about somebody right now? Not really
53) Have you ever called someone Boo? No
55) Do you own a diamond ring? Do earings count?
56) Are you happy with your life right now? For the most part
57) Do you dye your hair? Yup, whenever I can
58) Does anyone like you? My friends I hope, and my family... well thats hopefully guarenteed
59) What year were you born? 1994
60) What were you doing in May of 1994? Waiting to be born
61) Do you own a Backstreet Boys CD? nope
62) McDonalds or Wendys? McDonalds
63) Do you like yourself? yea.
64) Are you closer to your mother or father? Dad. But I still love my mom dearly
65) Favorite physical feature of the preferred sex? eyes
66) Are you afraid of the dark? no
67) Have you ever eaten paste? No
68) Do you own a webcam? yes
69) Have you ever stripped? O.O NO!
70) Ever broke a bone? no,thankfully...i just about though...my poor ankles
72) Do you chat on AIM often? never used it
73) Pringles or Lays? pringles
74) Have you ever broken someone's heart? ummm maybe...
75) Rugrats or Doug? Rugrats
76) Full House or The Brady Bunch? neither
77) Did you like your high school guidance counselor? no
78) Has anyone ever called you fat? once then i hurt him
79) Do you have a birth mark? on my neck,looks like a scar
80) Do you own a car? yes and i love it
81) Can you cook? yea...i'm pretty good at it
82) 3 things that annoy you:
1. people who think there all that
2. my parents telling me it's time for bed when it's either the weekend or summer
3. my sister :P
83) Do you text message often? ummm...when my cell is charged and someone can text me then yea often
84) Money or love? Love
85) Do you have any scars? hell yea...i have a lot mostly on my legs..since i fall alot
86) What do you want more than anything right now? To get into the college i want to go to
87) Do you enjoy scary movies? depends on the type of scary movie
88) Relationships or one night stands? Relationship, hands down
89) Big Red or Juicy Fruit? Juicy Fruit!!
90) Do you enjoy greasy food? sometimes...
91) Have you seen all the Rocky movies? Who and what.
92) Do you own a box of crayons? not anymore...*tear*
94) Who was the last person that said they loved you? ummmm...short term mermory...can't remember when
95) Who was the last person that made you mad? my sister
96) Who was the last person that made you cry? ummm don't remember
97) Who was the last person that made you laugh? no one
98) Who was the last person that you fell for? Classified.
99) Who was the last person that instant messaged you? Idk... i don't have IM
100) Who was the last person that called you? Amanda
YOUR GUY SIDE: (the things in bold with an "x" is what I chose.)
x You love hoodies.
x You love jeans.
xDogs are better than cats
x It's hilarious when people get hurt.
You've played with/against boys on a team.
xShopping is torture.
xSad movies suck.
xYou own/ed an X-Box.
xPlayed with Hotwheel cars as a kid.
At some point in time you wanted to be a firefighter.
You own/ed a DS, PS2 or Sega.
You used to be obsessed with Power Rangers.
You watch sports on TV.
Gory movies are cool.
You go to your dad for advice.
You own like a trillion baseball caps.
You like going to high school football games.
You used to/do collect football/baseball cards.
Baggy pants are cool to wear
It's kinda weird to have sleepovers with a bunch of people.
x Green, black, red, blue, or silver are one of your favorite colors. Black :)
xYou love to go crazy and not care what people think.
Sports are fun
Talk with food in your mouth.
Sleep with your socks on at night
TOTAL: 10
YOUR GIRL SIDE:
xYou wear lip gloss/stick.
You love to shop.
xYou wear eyeliner. (All the time)
You wear the color pink.
Go to your mom for advice.
You consider cheerleading a sport.
You hate wearing the color black.
You like hanging out at the mall.
You like getting manicures and/or pedicures.
xYou like wearing jewelry.
Skirts are a big part of your wardrobe.
Shopping is one of your favorite hobbies.
You don't like the movie Star Wars.
You were in gymnastics/dance?
It takes you around/ more one hour to shower, get dressed, and make-up.
xYou smile a lot more than you should.
You have more than 10 pairs of shoes.
You care about what you look like.
You like wearing dresses when you can.
xYou like wearing body spray/perfume/cologne.
xYou love the movies.
xUsed to play with dolls as little kid. (Key word is used to)
Like putting make-up on someone else for the joy/joke of it.
Like being the star of every thing
Total: 7
"I've gone to find myself. If I get back before I return, tell me to wait here"
"Thinking is when your mouth stays shut and your head keeps talking to itself."
"When someone insults you, nod and agree with them. It confuses them."
"I just got assaulted by a raindrop!"
"Any minute now, I will jump in with my pointless observations."
“More people would learn from their mistakes if they weren't so busy denying them.”
“I'm bored. Run for your sanity.”
“We are not retreating...we are advancing in another direction.”
“They say love hides behind every corner. I must be walking in circles!”
“I've always wanted to drown my troubles, but I can't get my enemy to go swimming.”
"Hold on...train of thought hit a cow..."
"I've never seen anyone so prone to life-threatening IDIOCY."
"Your father told me never to come through his door again...But technically I came through the window."
“Wanda: And now, here's Cosmo with the weather. Cosmo: (Cut to Cosmo who's holding a feather... silence) I thought you said feather.”
"There's only enough color for one of us to slide down the pretty rainbow! Wow. There wasn't a manly word in that sentence!" –Cosmo
"I'm not Lost, I'm exploring."
"Hi my job is to annoy you."
Boy: "Why do you cry and obsess over a TV program & the imaginary sadness of people youve never met?" Girl: "For the same reason you jump up and yell at the TV when a man you dont know makes a touchdown"
"There is a light at the end of every tunnel...just pray it's not a train!"
"The man might be the head, but the woman's the neck, and she can make the head turn any-way she wants..."
"Are you going to take a shower?" "No. I just got naked and turned on the water for my own personal pleasure..."
“Someday a guy will come and sweep me off my feet. Then I’ll trip him and make him fall for me.”
"He placed his head to her heart and whispered 'this is my new favorite song'"
"Before I met you I never knew what it was like to look at someone and smile for no reason"
"Life isn’t about the breaths you take; it’s about the moments that take your breath away"
"I feel sorry for any man who ever broke my heart because one day they are gonna wake up and realize they had the world"
"Best friends are like bras: Hard to find the perfect one, but when you do, they're close to your heart and supportive."
"You laugh at me because i'm crazy, I laugh at you because there's an invisible leprechaun on your shoulder"
"Last night I was looking up at the stars wondering... WHERE THE HECK IS MY CEILING?"
"Smile, and the world will smile with you. Laugh and they'll all think your on drugs."
"Laughter is the best kind of medicine. So if you meet somebody with broken ribs, make sure to tickle them."
"Eat healthy. Exercise right. Die anyway."
"Drain Bamaged."
"We must never, ever be mean to stupid people. If we are, they might go away. Then who will we laugh at?"
Silence is golden, duct tape is silver.
Yes, despite the look on my face, you're still talking.
I can resist everything except temptation
I told my psychiatrist that everyone hates me. He said I was being ridiculous -- everyone hasn't met me yet.
I didn't loose my mind; I sold it on eBay!
Fight crime: Shoot back!
Why be difficult, when with a little effort, you can be impossible?
It IS as bad as you think, and they ARE out to get you!
Everyone is entitled to their own opinion, its just that yours is stupid.
Let us be thankful for the fools, because without them the rest of us could not succeed.
"Without music, life would be a mistake."
Forgive your enemies but remember their names.
"I found a few ways to get your neighbors into moving out:
#1 Get a lawn chair, a drink, and some popcorn, go next door, see what their watching in the living room, and tap on the window asking them to open it up so you can here it too.
#2 Knock on the door and ask them if you could use their trash cans becasue yours are all filled with dead bodies... umm... I mean... other trash, and then walk away laughing hysterically.
#3 Have pizza delivered to their house, then claim you don't have a phone."
He ate my last stick of gum. So I killed him... do you think that was wrong?
The man who smiles when things go wrong has thought of someone to blame it on.
If you can stay calm when all around you is complete chaos, you probably haven't fully understood the situation.
He said, "I love you."
I laughed and said, "Sorry, I'm allergic to bull."
"You can't always argue with all of the fools in the world. It's easier to let them have their way, then trick them when they aren't paying attention."
I'm sure someone cares that your alive...it just isn't me!
"If you don't know what to write in a story, kill someone off!"
"The light at the end of the tunnel is a frieght train headed your way.
The only way to make my PC faster is throwing it out the window.
Why suffer from insanity when you can enjoy it?
"Doctors say I have multiple personalties. We disagree with that."
"I'm not afraid of Death.What's he gonna do,kill me?"
Words women use:
FINE: This is the word women use to end an argument when they feel they are right and you need to shut up. Never use "fine" to describe how a woman looks this will cause you to have one of those arguments.
FIVE MINUTES This is half an hour. It is equivalent to the five minutes that your football game is going to last before you take out the trash, so it's an even trade.
NOTHING: This means "something", and you should be on your toes. "Nothing" is usually used to describe the feeling a woman has of wanting to turn you inside out, upside down, and backwards. 'Nothing" usually signifies an
argument that will last "Five Minutes" and end with 'Fine'.
GO AHEAD (With Raised Eyebrows): This is a dare. One that will result in a woman getting upset over "Nothing" and will end with the word "Fine".
GO AHEAD (Normal Eyebrows): This means "I give up" or "do what you want because I don't care" You will get a "Raised Eyebrow Go Ahead" in just a few minutes, followed by Nothing" and "Fine" and she will talk to you in about "Five Minutes" when she cools off.
LOUD SIGH: This is not actually a word, but is a non-verbal statement often misunderstood by men. A "Loud Sigh" means she thinks you are an idiot at that moment, and wonders why she is wasting her time standing here and arguing with you over "Nothing".
SOFT SIGH: Again, not a word, but a non-verbal statement. "Soft Sighs" mean that she is content. Your best bet is to not move or breathe, and she will stay content.
THAT'S OKAY: This is one of the most dangerous statements that a woman can make to a man. "That's Okay" means that she wants to think long and hard before paying you back for whatever it is that you have done. "That's Okay" is often used with the word "Fine" and in conjunction with a "Raised Eyebrow".
GO AHEAD: At some point in the near future, you are going to be in some mighty big trouble.
PLEASE DO: This is not a statement, it is an offer. A woman is giving you the chance to come up with whatever excuse or reason you have for doing whatever it is that you have done. You have a fair chance with the truth, so be careful
and you shouldn't get a "That's Okay."
THANKS: A woman is thanking you. Do not faint. Just say you're welcome.
THANKS A LOT: This is much different from "Thanks." A woman will say, "Thanks A Lot" when she is really ticked off at you. It signifies that you have offended her in some callous way, and will be followed by the "Loud Sigh." Be careful not to ask what is wrong after the "Loud Sigh," as she will only tell you "Nothing."
Coke/Pepsi: Coke
Sprite/7-up: 7-up
Gold/silver: Silver
Vanilla/chocolate: Vanilla
Flowers/Candy: Flowers
Book/magazine: Book
TV/radio: TV
Glass half empty/half full: Aren't they pretty much the same thing?
Democrat/Republican: Democrat
Colored pencils/markers: Both
Coffee/tea: Tea
Sun/moon: Moon
Day/night: Both(but mainly night)
Hot/cold: Somewhere in the middle
Dog/cat: Dog
Button/zipper: zipper
Cotton/feather pillow: Cotton
Plumber/trashman: ...not sure which one to pick...
Jeans/shorts: Jeans
Long distance relationship/none: None
Mechanical/regular pencil: Mechanical
Romantic comedy/thriller: Romantic comedy
Peanut butter/jelly: Peanut butter
Waffles/pancakes: Waffles
Letter/Email: Email
Florida/CA: CA
Pizza/Burgers: Pizza
Hat/Visor: Hat
Football/rugby: Don't care
Ice skating/blading: Blading
FIRST THING YOU THINK OF WHEN YOU HEAR
Yellow: bright
Red lipstick: alright
Socks: feet
Cowtipping:CARS
Moulin rouge: Movie
Greenland: Ice
Iceland: Green(Yes i know the difference)
Harry Potter: magic or Daniel Radcliffe
Red: Ruby
Blackberry: phone
Rose: colorful(it comes in so many colors)
Rooster: early riser
Taxes: money
Bill Clinton: ...
Whipped cream: pumpkin pie
George W. Bush: ...
Lollipop: strawberry
Love: triangles
Guys: dude?
South Park: hilarious
Boy bands: yea...no
Penguins: Madagascar
Girls: BFFs
Death: Disease
Spoons: dishes
Junk mail: trash
Dairy: MILK!
Pizza: Pepperoni
Britney Spears: ...scares me...
Vitamin: okay
SHE SAID
she said that she wanted to get high- he took her to the tallest hill in town.
she said that she wanted to stay up all night & drink- he gave her a 12 pack of caffeinated pepsi & said ‘drink up’
she said that she wanted to shoot herself- he gave her a water gun, put her finger on the trigger & aimed it at her face.
she said that she wanted to cut herself up- he took a polaroid of her, handed it to her along w. scissors & had her cut it up.
she said that she wanted to see her blood- he took her to get her earz pierced.
she said that she wanted to cry herself to sleep- he had her watch a sad romantic movie before bed.
she said that she wanted to be alone- he gave her a nametag that sad "my name is: ALONE."
she said that she wanted to have someone there to take care of her, always; he asked when he wasnt.
If you jog backwards, will you gain weight?
If you try to fail, and succeed, which have you done?
The world is cruel... get used to it!
Not all scars fade, not all wounds heal.
If the world gives you lemons, you can make lemonade... or you can make a biologically engineered virulent air-born pathogenic virus that will wipe out the entire population of the planet, which would be a whole lot cooler.
If youre paddling upstream in a canoe and a wheel falls off, how many pancakes fit in a doghouse? None! Icecream doesn't have bones!!
A day without sunshine is like... night.
A rabbi, a priest, and a duck walked into a bar. The bartender looked up and said, "What is this? A joke?"
A rejected invention:Instant water! just add water!
At last! My plans for world domination are complete! MAHAHAHAA? Oh look, something shiney?
Behold the mighty...chihuahua?
People fear the strange and unusual. I am the strange and unusual. FEAR ME!
EVER WONDER where we are heading...
Why the sun lightens our hair, but darkens our skin?
Why women can't put on mascara with their mouth closed?
Why you don't ever see the headline: "Psychic Wins Lottery"?
Why "abbreviated" is such a long word?
Why Doctors call what they do "practice"?
Why you have to click on "Start" to stop Windows 98?
Why lemon juice is made with artificial flavor, while dishwashing liquid is made with real lemons?
Why the man who invests all your money is called a Broker?
Why there isn't mouse flavored cat food?
Who tastes dog food when it has a "new & improved" flavor?
Why Noah didn't swat those two mosquitoes?
Why they sterilize the needle for lethal injections?
Why they don't make the whole plane out of the material used for the indestructible black box?
Why sheep don't shrink when it rains?
Why they are called apartments when they are all stuck together?
If con is the opposite of pro, is Congress the opposite of progress?
Why they call the airport "the terminal" if flying is so safe?
My Mother Taught Me…
My mother taught me TO APPRECIATE A JOB WELL DONE.
"If you're going to kill each other, do it outside. I just finished cleaning."
My mother taught me RELIGION.
"You better pray that will come out of the carpet."
My mother taught me about TIME TRAVEL.
"If you don't straighten up, I'm going to knock you into the middle of next week!"
My mother taught me LOGIC.
"Because I said so, that's why.
My mother taught me MORE LOGIC.
"If you fall out of that swing and break your neck, you're not going to the store with me."
My mother taught me FORESIGHT.
"Make sure you wear clean underwear, in case you're in an accident."
My mother taught t me IRONY.
"Keep crying and I'll give you something to cry about."
My mother taught me about the science of OSMOSIS.
"Shut your mouth and eat your supper."
My mother taught me about CONTORTIONISM.
"Will you look at that dirt on the back of your neck?"
My mother taught me about STAMINA.
"You'll sit there until all that spinach is gone."
My mother taught me about WEATHER.
"This room of yours looks as if a tornado went through it."
My mother taught me about HYPOCRISY.
"If I told you once, I've told you a million times. Don't exaggerate!"
My mother taught me the CIRCLE OF LIFE.
"I brought you into this world, and I can take you out."
My mother taught me about BEHAVIOR MODIFICATION.
"Stop acting like your father!"
My mother taught me about ENVY.
"There are millions of less fortunate children in this world who don't have wonderful parents like you do."
My mother taught me about ANTICIPATION.
"Just wait until we get home."
My mother taught me about RECEIVING.
"You are going to get it when you get home!"
My mother taught me MEDICAL SCIENCE.
"If you don't stop crossing your eyes, they are going to freeze that way."
My mother taught me ESP.
"Put your sweater on; don't you think I know when you are cold?"
My mother taught me HUMOR.
"When that lawn mower cuts off your toes, don’t come running to me."
My mother taught me HOW TO BECOME AN ADULT.
"If you don't eat your vegetables, you'll never grow up."
My mother taught me GENETICS.
"You're just like your father."
My mother taught me about my ROOTS.
"Shut that door behind you. Do you think you were born in a barn?"
My mother taught me WISDOM.
"When you get to be my age, you'll understand."
And my favourite: My mother taught me about JUSTICE.
"One day you'll have kids, and I hope they turn out just like you!"
Are children who act in 'R' rated moves allowed to see them?
Why is it when an adult with the mind of a child is locked up and put in a asylum, while children are allowed to run in the streets?
If the swat team breaks down your door do they have to replace it later?
Who was the first person to look at a cow and say, "I think I'll squeeze these dangly things here and drink what comes out." ?
Who was the first person to say, "See that chicken over there ... I'm gonna eat the first thing that comes out of its butt."?
Isn't Disneyland just a people trap operated by a mouse?
Why are people so scared of mice, yet we all love Mickey Mouse?
Why is it when we talk to God we are praying, but when God talks to us we are crazy?
Why is it when some products you have to turn upside down to read the directions, and the directions say do not turn down?
If the #2 pencil is the most popular, why is it still #2?
If you can't drink and drive, why do bars have parking lots?
If you try to fail, and succeed, which have you done?
Since Americans throw rice at weddings, do Asians throw hamburgers?
Never argue with an idiot. They drag you down to their level and beat you with experience. Never argue with me, I'll drag you down to my level and beat you with a bat.
Man: I would go to the end of the world for you!
Woman: But would you stay there??
I ran into my ex the other day, then I put the car in reverse and ran over him again.
I used to hate it when aunts and grandmas, used to come up to me at weddings and pinch my cheeks and say "Your next" . Well they stopped doin that crap when i started to do it to them at funerals.
Don't think of your self as an ugly person. Think of yourself as a beautiful monkey.
We know exactly where one cow with mad-cow-disease is located among the millions and millions of cows in America , but we haven't a clue as to where thousands of Illegal immigrants and Terrorists are located. Maybe we should put the Department of Agriculture in charge of immigration!
Apparently 1 in 5 people in the world are Chinese. And there are five people in my family so it must be one of them. Either it's my mom or my dad. Or my older brother Collin. Or my other brother Ho-Chan-Chu. I think it's Collin.
Having the love of your life say you can still be friends is like having your dog die and your mom saying you can still keep it.
The few people who would die laughing if the newest fashion was not breathing are brilliant
Good friends give you a ride. Close friends buy you a car. Best friends are the getting-away-from-the-scene-of-the-crime driver.
We fall for stupid boys we make lots of dumb mistakes we like to act stupid, talk really fast, and laugh really loud. But us teenage girls, we're really good at one thing, staying strong.
WARNING:Do not use an axe to kill a fly on your friends' head. NOTE:Do use an axe to kill a fly on ur enemies head
Everyone has a wild side-me and my friends just prefer to make them public
Emo kids have cool hair
Most people are only alive because it is illegal to shoot them.
The man who smiles when things go wrong has thought of someone to blame it on.
Experience is the name so many people give to their mistakes.
Never interrupt your opponent while he’s making a mistake.
A stranger stabs you in the front; a friend stabs you in the back; a boyfriend stabs you in the heart, but best friends only poke each other with straws.
He whom stands on a windowsill to see how far out he can lean without falling is a moron."
I think crime pays. The hours are good, you travel a lot.
I hope life isn’t a joke, because I don’t get it
flying is simple. You just throw yourself at the ground and miss.
Taste the rainbow- Eat CRAYONS
When I was born I was so surprised I didn’t talk for a year and a half.
The secret to creativity is knowing how to hide your sources.
Every rule has an exception. Especially this one.
Fiction writing is great, you can make up almost anything.
The spontaneous rally will begin at 1:45.
When life hands you lemons, throw those lemons right back at it and tell life to make its own dang lemonade.
Assassinations is an extreme form of censorship.
Imitation is the most annoying form of flattery.
Join The Army, Visit exotic places, meet strange people, and then kill them.
Don't mess with me I've got a stick.
I'll be rich and famous when I invent something that will stab people over the internet
I was gifted, but the psychiatrist took away my powers.
Somebody needs a Happy Meal.
It wasn't a dark and stormy night. It should have been, but that's weather for you. For every mad scientist who's had a convenient thunderstorm just on the night his Great Work is finished and lying on the slab, there have been dozens who've sat around aimlessly under peaceful stars while Igor clocks up the overtime."
"Please Note: CHRISTMAS IS CANCELED Apparently you told Santa that you have been good this year...he died laughing."
There's nothing wrong with arguing with yourself. It's when you argue with yourself and LOSE when it's weird.
Of all the things I've lost, I miss my mind the most.
'It's always in the last place you look' Well DUR! Because you stop looking after you find it! HELLO!
If two wrongs don't make a right, try three
"When all else fails blow stuff up."
I understand that Scissors can beat Paper, and I get how Rock can beat Scissors, but there's no way Paper can beat Rock. Is Paper supposed to magically wrap around Rock leaving it immobile? If so, why can't paper do this to scissors? Screw scissors, why can't paper do this to people? Why aren't sheets of college ruled notebook paper constantly suffocating students as they attempt to take notes in class? I'll tell you why, because paper can't beat anybody, a rock would tear that crap up in two seconds. When I play rock/ paper/ scissors, I always choose rock. Then when somebody claims to have beaten me with their paper I can punch them in the face with my ready made fist and say, oh, I'm sorry, I thought paper would protect you.
Although, chainsaw beats scissors, paper, AND rock!
"We live in an age where pizza gets to your house before the police do."
When I hear somebody sigh "Life is hard" I'm always tempted to ask "Compared to what?"
I am going to put an end to my procrastination problem. . . Tomorrow
To put it nicely, I hope you choke
Suburbs are areas where they cut down trees and then name the streets after them
I got lost in thought. It was unfamiliar territory.
It's you and me versus the world...we attack at dawn
True love isn't free, but i'd pay anything to have it
If Tylenol, Duct Tape, & a Band Aid can't fix it, you have a serious problem.
The world is cruel... get used to it!
Not all scars fade, not all wounds heal.
If the world gives you lemons, you can make lemonade... or you can make a biologically engineered virulent air-born pathogenic virus that will wipe out the entire population of the planet,which would be a whole lot cooler.
The evil gnomes poked me in the but wit a stick.
Welcome to the world of very scary fearies!
For those who think fearies are innocent little creatures...
Killing gnomes with sporks!
You don't have to be faster than the bear, you just have to be faster than the slowest guy running from the bear.
Checking away messages. It's like stalking, but no one knows you are doing it. I even have people's names on my buddy list that I don't know, but I hear they have really good away messages. Some people really put their all into away messages. There are the people who document their every move: "I am taking a shower, but when I get out, I am going to pee, shave, and then iron my pants. Call me if you need me before I go to the mall at 2pm." Then there's the creative one: "I am away from my computer right now." And of course there's that one from the really cool guy: "Yo its friday night, I am drunk, and not sittin up lookin at away messages" Funny how that guy never seems to go idle.
Don't take it personally.. but you smell like an ice cube
Well the voices and I took a vote. It's unanimous; you suck.
Busy polking my neighbor with a spork. shes really old and wrinkly this is fun muahahaha
Don't ever attempt a staring contest with a brick wall, they cheat a lot
Don't make me mad...I'm known to bite at random!!
Feeding my pet old person right now...!
Hello. You have reached The Autopsy-profile. If you are already cut open, Press 1.If you are ordering a new body, Press 2.If you are ordering a cut body, Press 3.If you are picking up a body, Press 4.If you chose none of the options above, please stay on the profile. You will soon be tracked down and picked up in a nice cozy black 'sleeping-bag'.Have a nice day and thank you for choosing Autopsy-profile!
I did what they say and chose the road less traveled... Now where the heck am I?
I do what cheerios tell me.
I put the 'fun' in 'dysfunctional'.
I'm a little teapot short and stout; here is my hande, here is my...other handle? crap. now i'm a sugar bowl
I'm bartending at an AA meeting
I'm knocking on heavens door.. voice in background: "Knocking? You very nearly broke the bloody thing down!!" me:" That wasnt my fault!! It was poor constrution... I SWEAR!! Dont look at me like that..."
I'm out driving with my keys in an electrical outlet...
If you wish on a falling star it might come true... Unless it's a meteor hurdling to earth... Then no wishes come true... Unless your wish was to be killed a meteor hurdling to earth.
Someday my prince will come he just took a wrong turn, got lost, and is to stubborn to ask for directions.
yo-yos were invented as a weapon
If you're forced to choose between two evils, choose the one you've never tried before. ;)
Wisdom
1. If you're forced to choose between two evils, choose the one you've never tried before
2. In order to stand up for what you believe in, you have to be willing to stand-alone.
3. Always forgive your enemies - Nothing annoys them more
4. Everything is funny as long as it's happening to somebody else
5. Someone is sitting in the shade because someone else planted that tree along time ago
6. It will be okay in the end if it's not okay it not the end
7. Age does not diminish the extreme disappointment of having a scoop of ice cream fall from the cone
8. In politics, if you want anything said ask a man. If you want anything done, ask a woman.
9. Whatever women do they must do twice as well as men to be thought half as good. Luckily, this is not difficult.
10. Skill is successfully walking a tightrope over Niagara Falls. Intelligence is not trying.
11. Intellectuals solve problems; geniuses prevent them.
12. Computers will never take the place of books. You can't stand on a floppy disk to reach a high shelf.
13. Success is the ability to go from one failure to another with no loss of enthusiasm
14. The difference between genius and stupidity is that genius has its limits
15. Life is pleasant. Death is peaceful. It's the transition that's troublesome.
16. The most exciting phrase to hear in science, the one that heralds the most discoveries, is not Eureka! (I found it!) but 'That's funny...'
17. The best way to cheer yourself up is to cheer somebody else up.
18. For every minute you are angry you lose sixty seconds of happiness.
19. Happiness is like a kiss. You must share it to enjoy it.
20. Never go to a doctor whose office plants have died.
Things that I find funny/cool/awesome/you get the point
1. God made man, and then he said, "I can do better than that," and made women
2. Boys are like trees-they take 50 years to grow up
3. Boys are like Slinky's, useless, but fun to watch fall down the stairs
4. The reason grandparents and grandchildren get along so well is that they have a common enemy.
5. We women have enough sense to realize that the easiest way to get out of being lost is to ask for directions.
6. When I was born I was so surprised I didn't talk for a year and a half.
7. You know you are getting old when the candles cost more than the cake
8. My mother never saw the irony in calling me a son-of-a bitch.
9. I have six locks on my door all in a row. When I go out, I only lock every other one. I figure no matter how long somebody stands there picking the locks, they are always locking three.
10. If you're being chased by a police dog, try not to go through a tunnel, on to a little seesaw, and then jump through a hoop of fire. They're trained for that!
11. When I was a kid I used to pray every night for a new bike. Then I realized that The Lord doesn't work that way, so I stole one and asked him to forgive me.
12. My mom was a ventriloquist and she always was throwing her voice. For ten years I thought the dog was telling me to kill my father.
13. My Dad used to say 'always fight fire with fire', which is probably why he got thrown out of the fire brigade.
14. Police arrested two kids yesterday, one was drinking battery acid, and the other was eating fireworks. They charged one and let the other one off.
15. My grandmother started walking five miles a day when she was sixty. She's ninety-seven now, and we don't know where the hell she is.
16. I slept like a log last night. I woke up in the fireplace.
17. It's strange, isn't it? You stand in the middle of a library and go 'Aaaaaagghhh!!' and everyone just stares at you. But you do the same thing on an airplane, and everyone joins in.
18. And God said, 'Let there be light' and there was light, but the Electricity Board said he would have to wait until Thursday to be connected.
19. God heals and the doctor takes the fee.
20. Everyone should have kids. They are the greatest joy in the world. But they are also terrorists. You'll realize this as soon as they are born, and they start using sleep deprivation to break you.
21. We spend the first twelve months of our children's lives teaching them to walk and talk and the next twelve telling them to sit down and shut up.
22. Nature gave men two ends - one to sit on and one to think with. Ever since then man's success or failure has been dependent on the one he used most
.23. A stupid man's report of what a clever man says is never accurate because he unconsciously translates what he hears into something he can understand.
24. The difference between genius and stupidity is that genius has its limits
25. They say marriages are made in Heaven. But so is thunder and lightning.
26. I never married because I have three pets at home that answer the same purpose as a husband. I have a dog that growls every morning, a parrot that swears all afternoon and a cat that comes home late at night.
27. My ancestors wandered lost in the wilderness for 40 years because even in biblical times, men would not stop to ask for directions.
28. If you never want to see a man again, say, 'I love you, I want to marry you. I want to have children...' - they leave skid marks.
29. If you die in an elevator, be sure to push the Up button.
30. Football's not a matter of life and death ... it's more important than that.
31. 'Twas a woman who drove me to drink. I never had the courtesy to thank her.
32. One tequila, two tequila, three tequila, floor.
33. Love- A temporary insanity curable by marriage.
34. I never forget a face, but in your case I'll be glad to make an exception.
35. 364 days of the year, parents tell their kids not to take candy from strangers, yet on Halloween, its encouraged! Why is that?
36. I'm not afraid of Death, what's it gonna do kill me?
37. The sun has set, the moon has risen, today's the day we get out of prison!!
38. Darth Vader- "Come to the dark side. We have COOKIES!"
Luke Skywalker- "Nah, the rebels have cake."
Darth Vader- "ooh! Can I be a rebel?!"
Commandments of a Teenager
1) Thou shall not sneak out when parents are sleeping.
(why wait that long)
2) Thou shall not do drugs.
(alcohol lasts longer, not to mention being cheaper.)
3) Thou shall not steal from K-Mart.
(Walmart has a bigger selection)
4) Thou shall not be arrested for vandalism.
(destruction has a bigger effect, I can tell you all about this)
5) Thou shall not steal from your parents.
(everyone knows grandma has more money)
6) Thou shall not get into fights.
(Cat fight anyhow...just start them.)
7) Thou shall not skip class.
(just take the whole day off)
8) Thou shall not strip in class.
(Hooters pays more)
9) Thou shall not think about having sex.
(like Nike says, "just do it")
10) Thou shall not help old ladies across the street.
Eat well, stay fit, die anyway.
Men are from earth. Women are from earth. Deal with it.
No husband has ever been shot while doing the dishes.
A balanced diet is a cookie in each hand.
Middle age is when broadness of the mind and narrowness of the waist change places.
Opportunities always look bigger going than coming.
Junk is something you've kept for years and throw away three weeks before you need it.
There is always one more imbecile than you counted on.
Experience is a wonderful thing. It enables you to recognize a mistake when you make it again.
By the time you can make ends meet, they move the ends.
Thou shalt not weigh more than thy refrigerator.
Someone who thinks logically provides a nice contrast to the real world.
Blessed are they who can laugh at themselves for they shall never cease to be amused
light travels faster than sound that might be why people appear bright until you hear them speak.
FANFICTION: MY ANTI-DRUG. because, who has time for drugs if you're reading and plotting and writing and checking reviews?
USA