Sey Hellawh!

Hello all, and welcome to my personal profile! It isn't much in comparison to some others, but it's all I've got and any harsh criticism you have to say about it would probably be ignored.

UPDATED! - 11:20 AM, Tuesday, October 27, 2009 -- Well people, I turned 16 on the 6th of this month but haven't been on here in a while. I blame the Swine Flu. Yes, I have the SWINE FLU. Was horrible, atrocious, and might have killed me if I had had asthma. Luckily I'm the only one in the family who doesn't have asthma. Which sadly means I'll recover first and have to keep the others in the family alive... In other news, no way to break the titanium writer's block that crushes my keyboard. Blargh.

Updated - 9:32 PM, Saturday, July 4, 2009 -- awright, awright!! You've finally convinced me. After more than a year's hiatus, Tales of the Extreme is being updated. Don't expect the quality to be mindblowing. Just expect whatever you got out of Chapter 6. And it probably won't be this month, because if you saw everything I was doing in July you'd have a heart attack for me.

Updated - 12:45 PM, Tuesday, June 23, 2009 -- I am starting work on my first novel. That's right... Not fanfiction... NOVEL. Bask in the glory, my fellow plebian teens. Bask, I say.
And fetch me some chips while you're at it. :p

Updated - 6:49 PM, Thursday, April 31, 2008 -- I now have an account on Fictionpress.com! Look for my stories, coming soon (and this time, original!). The account shares this account's name, so it shouldn't be too hard to find... when it finally lets me post!

Updated - 8:32 PM, Wednesday, April 30, 2008 -- REDWAAAAALLL! The Movie! FREAKIN' OH YAH! ...Sorry about that. I've been reading the Redwall series of books for years now, and I just recently learned that REDWALL: THE MOVIE is scheduled for release in JULY 2011!! Ok, maybe that's a long time... but definitely worth the wait. I've always known they would go with this particular style... And CGI takes a long time to make. Look for it on the Redwall Wiki News Page!

I am currently working on FOUR different stories, all of which will most likely take several years to finish (not counting Pikmin: Tales of the Extreme, which may very well last until I am old and grey). While the going is tough and I constantly suffer from writer's block, along with a physical affliction called homework, I will dutifully try my best to complete them before moving on to other works. In fact, I'm working on a chapter for each story right now! They'll be posted by (hopefully) by the year 2385.

Teh Qwaoutes!

"The secret of creativity is knowing how to hide your sources." -- Albert Einstein (he failed in school because it was "too slow"... and worked out his Theory of Relativity years later while he worked in a Patent Office. Coincidence? ...Nah)

"You shoved a firework up a cat's ass? HAHAHAHAHAHA!" -- D.J. Prulhiere (school friend)

"Sometimes I just want to kill myself. Then I look at men like David Carradine, and the feeling of being alive is grand again!" -- Great Thumbs of Wisdom (aye, I quote myself. I'm funny, aren't I? :p)

"If it's sent by ship then it's cargo, if it's sent by road it's a shipment." -- Dave Allen

"Choose your companions carefully--you may have to eat them." -- W.C. Sellar

"One morning I shot an elephant in my pajamas. How he got in my pajamas I'll never know." -- Groucho Marx

"See the happy moron, he doesn't give a damn. I wish I were a moron: my God, perhaps I am." -- R. Fairchild

"Which painting in the National Gallery would I save if there was a fire? The one nearest the door, of course." -- George Bernard Shaw

"There is only one difference between a madman and me. The madman thinks he is sane. I know I am mad." -- Salvador Dali

"I've got all the money I'll ever need if I die by four o'clock this afternoon." -- Henry Youngman

"My luck is so bad that if I bought a cemetary, people would stop dying." -- Ed Furgol

"Canada; the great American hat." -- unknown

"Blessed are the young, for they shall inherit the national dept." -- Herbert Hoover

"Don't tell my mother I work in an advertisting agency. She thinks I play the piano in a whorehouse." -- Jacques Seguela

"I once shook hands with Pat Boone and my whole right side sobered up." -- Dean Martin

"I used to do drugs. I got so wrecked last night, I waited for the stop sign to change--and it did." -- Steve Krabitz

"Whenever cannibals are on the brink of starvation, Heaven, in its infinite mercy, sends them a fat missionary." -- Oscar Wilde

"The first law of dietetics seems to be: if it tastes good, it's bad for you. Therefore, eat cement." -- Isaac Asimov

"Death is not the end. There still remains the litigation over the estate." -- Ambrose Bierce

"The Scottish verdict 'not proven' means 'guilty, but don't do it again.'" -- Winifred Duke

"An editor should have a pimp for an older brother so he can have someone to look up to." -- Gene Fowler

"Your manuscript is both good and original; but the part that is good is not original, and the part that is original is not good." -- Samuel Johnson

"Originality is just undetected plagiarism." -- W.R. Inge

"Tell them I said something." -- Pancho Villa (last words)

"A smartass... isn't." -- Great Thumbs of Wisdom

"Why are purple pikmin so fat if their only natural advantage is being thrown?" -- killer raptor / Deadly Raptor

"Squidge just wanna know... where's the love?" -- Squidge the Bogey, (Tales of the Questor)

"According to your logic I could be an Acorn. That said, I don't see much logic in your logic." -- Epedemical

"Fact: in a recent survey, surveyers found that 89 of Americans do not participate in surveys." -- Great Thumbs of Wisdom

"I just want to say, the term 'working on a new chapter' is a very... loose term." -- Great Thumbs of Wisdom (huzzary!)

"Pwn them, mock them, destroy them, but do not hate them, for without n00bs, we would not be l33t" -- Pur3 MaYheM

"Do not compromise, even in the face of Armaggedon" -- Rorshaq (Watchmen)

"We are looking into a ditch and seeing a well" -- major_freddy aka Wisdom Thumbs

"We are looking into a ditch and seeing DOCTOR ZOIDBERG" -- kyprioth

Now, a little bit about myself: several of these things exist only for comedic effect and your personal entertainment.

AGE: 16 (as of October 6th 2009!!)

PROFESSION: Novice Sniper, fledging artist, wannabe-writer

SKILL LEVEL: relatively decent

FAVORITE GAME: Gears of War 1 & 2

CURRENTLY WATCHING: you.

CURRENTLY PLAYING: Gears of War 2 (obsessively)

CURRENTLY READING: Gears of War: Aspho Fields, Ranger's Apprentice series, Blackthane, and your brain, (and that's just getting started!)

HOBBIES: drawing, reading, writing, researching war tactics, playing video games, sleeping, crashing father's tractors. Typical modern day farm-boy stuff.

Now, on to my four stories and my countless story ideas:

CURRENTLY WORKING ON:

(Untitled)

A novel. Not fanfiction. It's at the top of the list so you'll know why I'm not updating. It may be published in 2010 if I'm lucky and type really fast. I've got a title but I'm not telling you what it is, because I don't want it stolen... as well as the awesome idea. Which is awesome.

Pikmin: the South

The very unoriginal tale of Celltic, a character I created for Ferahgo the Assassin's Pikmin: -- series. Whole story has received a MAJOR overhaul and is currently up to Chapter 4. Go and review it!

Pikmin, Tales of the Extreme

A huge repetoire of countless parodies, short stories, wacky characters, a slightly overarching storyline, and so much more. This fic will eventually come to an end, though when that will be I cannot truthfully say. I already have the ending in mind. It will be hilarious, parodying and referencing everything from Lord of the Rings to Halo 3, and more! UPDATE 3/3/08: as you probably all know, the newest chapter of Tales of the Extreme has been up for some time. Read it! CH. 9 to hit sometime this year (2009, babeh!).

The Ubiquous Gearhead

A very violent Gears of War story that has been rated M. Other than that, standard fare. Except for... (spoiler)... the main character is a college student from Earth who's sudden and unexpected brain anuerysm has kicked his subconscious into a video game. Or is he really a Stranded with amnesia who is desperately searching for his brother? Could he be both? Or is this really just the most fucked up dream since that time in high school when the Seniors doped him up on pot? The main point of the story is to study what it's really like to live on the planet Sera when monsters from the underground are crawling up your ass with guns the size of bazookas. And also, what it's really like to be a Gear... and, of course, what it really means to chainsaw somebody with a gun attachment. The most Unreal (pun most very intended, yes yes) fanfic since that Mary Sue story you wrote and thought was good.

Calvin and Hobbes: Slipstream (eh? not really. it's just on the list for some reason.)

Your standard C&H fic where our loveable duo wreck a car, shatter the timestream, and get themselves tangled up in a global war set in an alternate dimension. May have a sequel or spin-off. Currently on hold for personal reasons.

STORY IDEAS FOR THE FUTURE:

Vestiges of Redwall (working title)

From the east comes the terrible warlord Terrok Blacktail, backed by one of the largest vermin hordes in Redwall's history. At the same time, a host of vengeful corsairs arrives on the shores of Salamandastron, cutting off the only chance of reinforcements Redwall might have. Can the Abbeydwellers hold off Blacktail long enough for the Long Patrol to arrive to their defense? Can the Long Patrol reach them at all? Will the Abbey finally be taken? Find out!... quite some time from now. Possibly years, who knows.

White Shadows

Adam Bowre was never a particularly strong or healthy child, but he more than made up with it with his honesty and devotion to what he saw to be good and right. Then, on his sixteenth birthday he found himself kidnapped by an age-old secret society of modern knights, targeted for death by a dying order of assassins, and that his brain held the greatest secret ever known to man: the knowledge of the Last Treasure of Eden. An alternate version of the Assassin's Creed story, exploring the young Adam and his ancestors, the legendary White Shadows: Hashashshin.

The Tiger Strikes Again

A deeper look at the multi-faceted brain child of the brilliant Bill Watterson. The contrast of banal reality and a child's fantasy is finally put under the microscope. Mostly just a Crack and Drabble story, but I plan on making it as good as I possibly can.

I Am Spider-Man

In a steadily degrading world, where heroes are all but praised, one young man is granted the power to affect thousands of lives. The only question is... what will he use it for? With great power comes great responsibility, and with great responsibility comes enemies of every shape and form, ready to destroy others in their own personal attempt at power. But is it really power, or a curse... These are the questions that plague Peter Parker, the Spider-Man.

In the Footsteps of a Giant

The tale of a purple Pikmin's life in the same vein as the somewhat legendary fic, Through Red Eyes. Somewhat of a Drama, mostly your standard fare. :P

The Scourge

A tale of the Toadmin Plague, set in the Pikmin universe (again). I need to stop all this pikmin nonsense. Mostly Action and Adventure, General, Drama, etc. I've got a general plot in mind, but it'll take some more work. This is poised to become one of, if not the, greatest pikmin fanfiction of all time, a literal epic of massive proportions filled with thousands of years of history, lore and foreign culture, and the ultimate struggle... the unattainable goal of survival! I've decided to equip the pikmin with their own language, and since they are very musical creatures... it's safe to assume they communicate through musical notes. Therefore, I need a musical language. But why go through the trouble of creating one myself, when there is already such a language out there? Behold, pikmin speak Sarus, language of the Yuyu of Brackenwood! Will take some years to finish.

Run Like Hell!

A battalion of Frontier troops is sent to the frontlines to punch a hole in the Tundran line of forts. Set in the Battalion Wars universe. Comedy.

And to all a Gruesome Night!

An ode to Gears of War, Christmas style! Songfic, I guess they call it. Will be posted on Christmas Eve, 2008. Or possibly Christmas Eve, 2009. It depends. EDIT: posted, finally, but under a different name. See Published Stories section up above.

Wackadoodledoo

Another Calvin and Hobbes fanfic, this time a story that details one short story for each of Calvin's personalities: Calvin himself, Stupendous Man, Tracer Bullet, Spaceman Spiff, and of course one short story that deals entirely with comedy and will only be about 3-4 parts long.

I FELL FOR THIS! OMFG!

1) You only try to impress people because you want their e-mail adress.

2) Your definition of racing needs Macromedia Flash Player.

4) You only know Taijutsu from a word.

5) Bugs are those glitches on the computer.

6) You probably missed 3.

7) You scroll up.

8) You laugh at yourself.

9) You probably missed 6 too.

10) You scroll up again.

11) You laugh, again.

copy and paste this into your profile if you fell for this.

SNIPER SKILL-LEVELS / RANKS:

N00b Sniper: you have just started on sniping and only get a headshot if the target happens to be standing very still and you have a very good shot. You may sometimes, however, get a lucky headshot by no-scoping, though I wouldn't bet on it, buddy. (And no, you are NOT the "Fury")

Novice Sniper:you've decided to stop all the n00bish trash-talk and start picking up the sniper rifle to try and get some decent kills. You're getting better and are getting more headshots, but don't yet know all the ins-and-outs of being a truly efficient sniper. You've also discovered a trick or two to getting no-scope kills every now and then. I myself happen to be a Novice Sniper on Gears of War and Call of Duty 4.

Adept Sniper: congratultions to you, having reached the level of Adept. While you may not be the best sniper, you are regarded by your teammates to be both accurate and reliable when the going gets tough. You've mastered several skill-shots and luck-shots by now, and you're blowing off heads with more ease than ever. The enemy will have to be careful when playing against you now.

Expert Sniper: the honored rank of Expert Sniper is now yours. Few can ever hope to be more skilled with a sniper-rifle than you, and by that very weapon you either live or you die. You rely on your trusty sniper-rifle more than any other weapon, and the enemy will soon come to fear you. You have mastered the trick-shots, the skill-shots, the luck-shots, and almost every last trick in the book. Sniping has never been easier for you, and kills come easier than water from a faucet.

Master Sniper: you have achieved the coveted rank of Master Sniper; none is more ruthless and efficient with a sniper-rifle than you. Every last shot you make is analyzed countless times over in your brain before you can even so much as think about pulling that shoulder button. You rarely miss, even in close-quarters when all you've got is a single-bullet to your name and the enemy is coming at you with shotguns blazing. You pop up in the most unexpected of places, ripping the faces from your foes from all the way across the map... with ease. Kudos to you, for lesser players everywhere will tremble with fear when they hear your name spoken into the mic. (several people claim to be Master Snipers. That is extremely doubtful. There are only about thirteen Master Snipers in the WHOLE WORLD. I'd name names, but I fear I might leave someone out, and these people are busy enough already. And please, don't send evidence that you could "totly pwn teh sh!ty" out of me. If you're really as great as you claim, you have no need to argue with my worthless skin.)

Copied from Penny Arcade (more or less):

"How could I not be the Witcher?"

"I'm telling you, you can't 'witch' somebody. There's 'bewitched', but no 'witched.'"

"Oh really? Well, every member of my family has been a Witcher, and each one was witcher than the last."

"Ah, so technically speaking, you're not the Witcher, you're the Witchest!"

And now for something different!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HaGRdAB-ctU

Ferahgo the Assassin - let's just say that this guy's stories are the first fics I ever read on this site. They may not be perfect, but they succeeded in revolutionizing the Pikmin section, and that's enough for me.

Calderious - he has a... very wierd name. Plus he actually foresaw the future (as in Olimar coming to SSBB) long before it happened. That, and he said my thumbs are filled with wisdom. Joy!

Gametrekker - probably the greatest writer in the Pikmin section. Seriously though, his chapters are probably the longest I have ever seen. Plus he revolutionized first person story telling for me. And he's got a cool name. And as that weren't enough for you, he also writes KIRBY!!

Kar-Vermin - totally awesome D&D writer. He's about 40, though, but that fact is instantly forgotten the moment you read his insanely long fic, Campaign of the Three Worlds. Actually, come to think of it, his fics might have the longest chapters ever. Plus the aforementioned Three Worlds has like... 150 uber-long chapters. Something like two billion words?

V Rex - like, another great pikfic writer! Spored is waaay suspenseful, iPik is just plain gut-busting, and Devastating is like totally AWESOME!! Nice guy, too. He's helped me quite a bit on my 'fics. He's also Canadian, so be respectful and bow next time you see him.

L_CHooPACABRA - a really all around great guy. He mostly operates out of the Warhammer section, specifically with Jump Feet First Into Hell, but he's also got a juvo neat Gears of War thing going on called Stranded. Go read his stuff. If you don't, wolves will drag you into a forest and do things to you. Unspeakable things.

Insidious Harbinger - first of all, he's got a cool fic called One Must Die, which has ants! Way cool. I think he's also Calderious, but I have a bad memory and I'm not sure. ...Yup, he is. He's got some other fics and he loves Gears of War. Also has some weird fantasy where his character in some play chainsaws Gears' last boss, General RAAM.

Killer Raptor - a great friend of mine. He's got this giant brain that's apparantly constantly swirling with all kinds of crazy ideas. Oh yeah, and he also has a really neat heritage. Double points! (go read his stuff, seriously, the guy's gotta' be some sort of scientest)

PenWraith - this guy really needs to be added, so I'll do it now before I forget. Why? He's actually a good, well-balanced author who has a leg in several categories (don't know how he has so many legs, but, meh). Also, he will aparantly kill me if he does not see my name on this page. Best of luck to PenWraith, and be warned that I sleep with both eyes open now!

There's a bunch more people, but at the current time I'm terribly ill and can't go on much longer. Nobody will be left out! I just need a week or two (read: all of eternity in Thumbz Speak) to recuperate.