St. Fang of Boredom - FanFiction.Net

DESCRIPTION:

18-year-old future Queen of Canadia with a love for English, a hatred for math, and a lust for a certain Maximum Ride character named Fang. Possibly ADHD and definetly random. Lives to read, Loves to laugh.

Grade: College Freshman!

My Beloved Pets:

Shetland Sheepdog: Skye

Mixed-Breed Cat: Sasha

Rat: Yuki

Mouse: Attalia

Living Fish: Jasper and Alice, my first ever guppies! (Fang: Technically, it's Jasper 2. Jasper 1 didn't last the first night...)

Deceased Beta Fish: Luigi, Daniel Webster, Jacob Marley, Jaws, Legolas, Fang, Holden Caulfield, Edward Cullen, Percy Jackson.

Hometown:Ha ha ha! You thought I'd actually tell you. Well, I'll tell you this much; I live in New England. And, yes, I'm a diehard Red Sox fan! Go Sox!

Future Career Choice(s):Teacher, either Kindergarten or H.S. English(I know, big jump.) Maybe a school librarian. Definetly a writer.

I am the girl that doesn't go to school dances, or games, and when I do go, I sit in a corner and read a book. I am the girl that people look through when I say something. I am the girl that spends most of her free time reading, writing, or doing other activities that most teenagers wouldn't call normal. I am the girl that people call weird and a freak either behind my back or to my face. I am the girl that doesn't spend all her time on MySpace, or talking to a girlfriend on a cell phone or regular phone. I am the girl that hasn't been asked out in a year. I am the girl that has stopped to smell the flowers and jump and splash in the rain. BUT I am also the girl who knows and is proud to be who she is, doesn’t care if people call her weird (it's a compliment), who loves reading and writing and doing the things that no one seems to have the time to do any more, who loves and is obsessed with Twilight and Maximum Ride, who can express herself better with words than actions, who doesn't need a guy to complete her, and knows the importance of the little things. Copy and paste this onto your account, and add your name to the list, if you are anything like me, so the girls who are different and unique can know in their weakest time that they are unique but not alone: Iheartjake, TeamJacob101, Boysareadrag, The Dawn Is Breaking, twilite addict, The Lonely Teenager, AliceDaSpaz, Skittle.Rocke, Silent_Broken_Heart, St. Fang of Boredom

THE 'DRAW JUSTIN' CONTEST!!

Draw Justin Contest Poll!

Working on poll.

-Saint

FIND ME ON:

Neopets (I got bored one night...)

DeviantArt

NaNoWriMo

E-Mail: fang_not_fnick@yahoo.com

MY FANSITE:

Click here to go to my awesome fansite! Thank you, Skittles!!

SIGN MY PETITION!!: (As seen on Max's Blog. Yes, that's mine.)

http://www.PetitionOnline.com/axtoksrp/petition.html

STOP KRISTEN STEWART AND ROBERT PATTINSON FROM PLAYING MAX AND FANG IN THE MOVIE!!

Spread the word!

IT'S PAC-FANG!

http://www.hachettebookgroup.com/features/MaximumRide/games.html

CHECK OUT FLOCK UPDATES ON YOUTUBE!!

http://www.youtube.com/user/FlockUpdates

Also, my Fanpop group for them!: http://www.fanpop.com/spots/flockupdates

FlockUpdates' Official Site!: http://www.wix.com/FlockUpdates/FlockUpdates

DETERMINED TO DRIVE THE WORLD MAD:

http://redwonderfultime.ytmnd.com/

MY EVER-GROWING LIST OF BELOVED BOOKS:

Maximum Ride

Lord of the Rings

Harry Potter

Twilight Series

Uglies/Pretties/Specials/Extras

All Tamora Pierce books.

The Gospel According to Larry/Vote For Larry

To Kill A Mockingbird

Catcher in the Rye

The Sword of the Rightful King

A Dirty Job

Faultline

Speak

Romeo and Juliet

Othello

Macbeth

Stargirl/Love, Stargirl

Eragon/Eldest/Brisingr

Midnighters

Ranger's Apprentice

The Extrordinary Adventures of Alfred Kropp

D.N.Angel

City of Ember Series

Twisted

Dramacon

The Bible

The Dangerous Days of Daniel X

Nobody's Princess/Nobody's Prize

Chronicles of Narnia

Wicked/Son of a Witch

The Host

Peaches/The Secrets of Peaches/Love and Peaches

The Horse Whisperer

Black Beauty

Beautiful Joe

Argeneau Series

Blue Bloods Series

Iliad

Eveline (Short Story in Dubliners.)

Night World

Percy Jackson and the Olympians

Swine Not?

Alex Rider

The Tale of Despereaux

I'M A BETA READER FOR...

Rainy Day Games with The Flock by Fangalicous08

Will Fang ever get the disc away from Max? Will Stacey stop treating them like 2 year olds? Will the Pillsbury Dough Boy ever get poked? Read it and find out! It's hilarious!

FAVORITE QUOTES('cause I'm a quote fanatic):

"The existence of monsters results in monstrous consequences"- Edward Cullen-Eclipse

"Oh, a sadistic vampire, intent on torturing her to death, no problem, she runs off to meet him. An IV on the other hand..." -Edward Cullen-Twilight

"Of all the things about me that could frighten you, you worry about my driving."
-Edward Cullen-Twilight

"I've decided that as long as I was going to Hell, I might as well do it thoroughly."
-Edward Cullen-Twilight

"And So the lion fell in love with the lamb."
"What a stupid lamb."
"What a sick masochistic lion."
-Edward Cullen, Bella Swan-Twilight

"I made the cowardly lion look like the terminator." -Bella-Twilight

“I refuse to be affected by territorial disputes between mythical creatures.” -Bella Swan-Twilight

"Holy (insert swear word of your choice here.)"-Fang-MR-AE

"I look like prep school Barbie. Actually, you look like prep school Barbie. I'm just one of her friends." -Nudge-MaximumRide-SOF

"Rowr!" -Fang-MaximumRide-SOF

"She offered to cook breakfast."-Fang-MR-SOF

"Those wacky Brits called fries 'chips'. And potato chips were 'crisps'. And cookies were 'biscuits'. I had no idea what real biscuits were called. Wangdoodles?" ~Max-MR-StWaOES

Jeb turned to her. "She's incorruptible." Bully for me. "At least by power." I said. "You haven't tried chocolate or cute shoes" ~Max and Jeb-MR-Saving the World and Other Extreme Sports.

You... are...a... fridge...with...wings...We're...freaking...ballet...dancers! ~Fang-MR-SOF

"I'm hit, Max. They got me. I guess I'm gonna live fast, die young, and leave a beautiful corpse, huh?" Okay. In my experience, if you're really hit or seriously hurt, you don't say much. -Total and Max-MAX

Fang swerved closer to me, big and supremely graceful, like a black panther with wings. Oh, God. I'm so stupid. Forget I just said that. -Max-MAX

"What's your name?" "Isabella von Frankenstein Rothschild." -Angel answering Steve-MAX

"I'm only a kid! I can't get married!" "You could in New Hampshire." -Max and Angel-MAX (Interesting to me because I'm from New England. And yes, technically they could get married, but they need parental permission. Yeah...Fang: Dr. M? I'd like to marry Max. Dr. M: -pulls out chainsaw-)

"South America. It'll be warm. They have llamas. You like llamas." -Max-MAX

"Optimism is overrated, Max. Its better to face realitly head-on." -The Voice-SOF

"I feel like pudding, Pudding with nerve endings. Pudding in great pain." -Iggy-AE

"I vill now destroy de Snickuhs bahs!" -Gazzy-STWAOES

"Have you guys been playing in the toxic waste again? Been bitten by a radioactive spider? Struck by lightning? Drink a super-soldier serum?" -Fang-FW

"Your middle name is 'Charging Off.'" -Total-MAX

"I choose you, Max" Fang-MAX (This quote makes me laugh. Why? Because I keep picturing Fang throwing a Pokeball and having Max pop out of it. Pokemon ruined my brain as a child...)

"Fang could turn men gay, but he wouldn't be gay with them. It's like a hit and run thing." -Ok, stole this from EdwardAddict. So sorry, but it was the funniest quote I've ever heard!! :-)

"It's lucky it's dark...I haven't blushed so much since Madame Pomfrey told me she liked my new earmuffs."
-Dumbledore-HP

"I believe misters Fred and George Weasley were responsible for trying to send you a toilet seat."
-Dumbledore-HP

"Mr. Moony presents his compliments to Professor Snape, and begs him to keep his abnormally large nose out of other people's business."
"Mr. Prongs agrees with Mr. Moony, and would like to add that Professor Snape is an ugly git."
"Mr. Padfoot would like to register his astonishment that an idiot like that ever became a professor." -The Maurader's Map-HP-PoA

"I want to fix that in my memory forever, Draco Malfoy, the amazing bouncing ferret..."-Ron-HP-GoF

"Aaaah, when two Neptunes appear in the sky, it is a sure sign that a midget in glasses is being born."-Ron-HP

"Give her hell from us, Peeves."-Fred and George-HP-OotP

"We could be killed, or worse, expelled." -Hermione Granger in first movie. Can't remember if it was in the book.

"So, people, let's try to calm down a bit. Things are bad enough without inventing stuff as well. For instance, this new idea that You-Know-Who can kill with a single glance from his eyes. That's a Basilisk, listeners. One simple test: check whether the thing thats glaring at you has got legs. If it has, it's safe to look into its eyes, although if it really is You-Know-Who, that's still likely to be the last thing you ever do." -Fred Weasly- Deathly Hallows

"You bring the crowns and heads of conquered kings to my city steps. You insult my queen. You threaten my people with slavery and death! Oh, I've chosen my words carefully, Persian. Perhaps you should have done the same!"
"This is blasphemy! This is madness! "
"Madness...? THIS... IS... SPARTA! "-King Leonidas and the Messenger-300

"You need people of intelligence for this sort of mission...quest...thing."-Pippin-LOTR-FotR

"They're taking the hobbits to Isengard!"-Legolas-LOTR-TT(If you don't get why I put it here, type it into YouTube.)

"Oh joyous happiness of contentment."-Me

"Why do you call this dog Mohammed?"
"Because that's his name."
"You should not have called this dog Mohammed"
"I didn't call this dog Mohammed, his name was Mohammed when I got him. It was on his collar"
"It is blasphemy to call this dog Mohammed"
"I tried calling him something else, but he doesn't listen. Watch. Steve, bite this man's leg. See, nothing. Spot, bite this man's leg. Nothing. I might as well be speaking Farsi. You see where I'm going with this?"
"Well, I have a dog named Jesus"
"Well then, I'm sorry. I didn't know you'd lost your dog"
"I have not lost my dog"
"Really? I saw these flyers all over town with 'Have you Found Jesus?' on them. It must be another dog named Jesus.
Was there a reward? A reward helps, you know."
"I do not have a dog named Jesus and that doesn't bother you because you are a godless infidel."
"No, really, you can not name your dog anything you want and it won't bother me. But, yes, I am a godless infidel. At least that's how I voted in the last election." -Charlie & "bearded man"-A Dirty Job

"Your mother was a Hamster, and your father smelt of elderberries!"-The French Taunter-Monty Python and the Holy Grail.

"LET GO OF HER YOU FUCKING, BLOOD-SUCKING BASTARD!!" -Taurwen, from mine and Hidanlvr's random rp.

"It's ok, Ryu here just thinks he's a dinosaur." "Rawr!"-Taurwen and Cody from the random rp.

"OMG! YOU'RE OLDER THAN ME!!"-Ryu from the random rp.

"Where's the fire...oh, crap."-Randy, when he messed up his line in Sleepy Hollow.

"Yeah, Stupid, I bet you can't even spell your own name!" "Can too! Curly. K...E...R...Hey, Brom? What comes after 'R'?"-Ethan (Max) and Dwight (Curly) in Sleepy Hollow.

"THIS IS THE MOST GOD-DAMNED, FUCKED-UP PLACE I'VE EVER SEEN IN MY LIFE!!" -My dear-old, pissed-off one-eyed Mom.

"Well, that's just great, Alex, you just killed the emo kid. I hope you're happy."-Dwight to Alex while practicing for the play in the hall.

"I have an announcement to make. For once, I am actually not wearing pants! I'm wearing knickers."- Eli during Sleepy Hollow Tech Week.

"If you guys don't cut that out, I'm gonna pull this car over! No, second thought, I won't even stop, I'll just turn around and whack both of ya!" -P.W. in the Lunchroom.

"I'm an emo vampire. I cut my teeth." -Trevor in the auditorium.

"Don't worry mom, I have gaydar. It's a form of evolution. God saw that, in this day and age with many more gay men around, that women would need some kind of way of telling the difference between gay and straight men. So he gave this generation gaydar." -Me, convincing my mom that one of my classmates was not gay.

"If a tree falls down in the forest, and no one's around to hear it, how the heck did it fall down in the first place?!" -Me, a random thought.

"Do you like my meadow? Try some of my grass! Please have a blade, please do, it's so delectable and so darn good looking!"
"You can eat the grass?"
"Of course you can! Everything in this room is eatable, even I'm eatable! But that is called "cannibalism," my dear children, and is in fact frowned upon in most societies." -Willy Wonka and the Chocolate Factory, the new one.

"Dot. Dot. Dot." -Me, in every single conversation I have with my friend, Josh.

"Beware, the Woman in Curtains!!" -What Josh says when he sees me. It's a long story involving me wearing the 'curtain dress' in Sleepy Hollow.

Life's but a walking shadow, a poor player that struts and frets his hour upon the stage, and then is heard no more. It is a tale told by an idiot, full of sound and fury, signifying nothing. --Macbeth, Act V, scene v

"Who wrote it? Why, my man, Jimmy P." -Me, using my new nickname for James Patterson, Jimmy P.

“Bipolar? It means…” “A bisexual from Poland. Never speak to one, they’re trouble.” -Max and Iggy in Dizzy.Blonde.Girl's fanfiction Bisexual from Poland.

"Stop being Zac Efron!" -What Dominic yells at the emos.

Isn't it funny how the word 'politics' is made up of the words 'poli' meaning 'many' in Latin, and 'tics' as in 'bloodsucking creatures’? -No idea who said it, but I love it! It's a good point. Omg, this would make sense if Emmett Cullen became president!

"Bob, I need page 1 and page 2 of your tax rebate." "Yeah, but which pages are those?" "Page 1 and page 2." "But what pages are those?" -When my Mom tried to ask my idiotic Dad for two pages of his tax rebate. Dad, is it really that hard?

"LET MY PEOPLE GO!!" -What Affie (My aunt) yells when she's stuck in traffic.

My favorite thing about high school is not paying for rent and free internet access." -My classmate, P.W. in last year's yearbook.

'How Would You Describe High School?' 'Zebracake-a-Rific!' -A Freshman named Zach in last year's yearbook.

"Shia rocks and is hot! (With no shirt on.)" -A random note I found in my 2008 yearbook. I think it was Megan...

"Have you ever seen 'Phantom of the Opera'?" "No." "Well, me neither, but you should see it, it's really good." -P.W. asing Andrew about a movie.

"Hum, pocky, pocky, pocky, DEAD PIÑATA, DEAD PIÑATA!!" -SparxFlame, who is awesomely funny.

"If you don't here from us in a week, we'll be at the Hotel Nacional in Mexico City, Room 703." -Victor Velasco in Barefoot in the Park

"More cowbell!" -That SNL skit

"I get to go to lots of overseas places, like Canada and stuff." -Britney Spears

"It's alright to be crazy, just don't let it drive you nuts!" -The Great Jimmy Buffett

"DOOMED! They're all doomed. Notice I didn't say what kind of doom it was, so whatever happens to them, I will have predicted it.
How very wise of me" - Angela - Eragon

"That story is so funny, it's not funny! Wait, what did I just say?" -Me. Yes, I really just said this about a fanfiction and felt the need to type the quote here.

"What he's doing is Rofling my waffles in a way waffles shouldn't be rofled." -Andrew, the true owner of Pooky.

"You steal my mirror for vanity, so your attempt to steal it will be in vain! This mirror will bring you nothing but contempt and heartache. Jealousy will be your most sinister friend, should you gaze into my mirror. And you will never be able to eat eggplant again!" -Me in Jeb's Magic Mirror.

"Nudge, it'll be ok, and Angel, she's not dying!" Still no freaking answer! Dr. M, pick up!! "Who's dying?" Gazzy asked, coming in. "Nudge." Angel answered. "Nudge is dying?!" "Nudge is NOT dying!" "Well, that's good to know, Fang." -Fang, Nudge, Gazzy, and Angel from Facts of Life

"Ok." Fang answered. "I've got a plan. Let's send Iggy to a monestary to become a monk. He'll take a vow of abstinence, and he'll never have to know!" I put my hands on my hips. "Fang, really." "Seriously!" Fang said. "And we can send Nudge to become a nun, and she can take a vow of silence! It's a great plan!" -Fang and Max from Facts of Life

Me: O-tay! ¿Me permite meter un mono en tú pantalones? Fang: ¡No! ¡No monos en mi pantalones! Me: ¿Por que? Fang: ¡Los monos morden! -Me and Fang in St. Fang's Poetry Corner

"And I'm his Doctor! Therapist! Boss! Slave-Master! Thing!" -Me in A Day in Therapy.

"FINE!" Fang yelled, storming towards the woods. "FINE!" Iggy yelled, storming back into the house and closing the door. Fang was almost to the woods, when he stopped, realization crossing his face. "Wait, I just got kicked out of my own house!" -Fang and Iggy from Fanfiction Meets YouTube, based on a video by makemebad35.

"Oh, so you finally admit it." Iggy said. "We could be heading towards sudden death." "Jeez, Iggy, you're so bright and chipper these days, Mr. Sunshine!" -Iggy and Max in Fly By Twilight: The Pack

"Night Quills!" He started laughing again. "Hey, Max, you and me and the cops should go yelling and see if we can wake up the Flock before the neighbors show up. Bring Spiffy and Pooky!" -Fang from Another Form of the Avian Bird Flu (He's on NyQuil.)

"I swear to drunk I'm not God!" -Originally heard it from my friend, Andrew.

Good news: I'm not stuck in the woods with a rapist or serial killer. Bad news: I'm stuck in the woods with a lunatic. I was just trying to think of a way out of this, when he said, "You don't believe me, do you?" So honest little me nodded. At that, he pulled off his shirt. "Oh great." I thought. "I'm stuck in the woods with a lunatic nudist." -Risa from Double Date.

"Look, officer. I have good reflexes, this car is in good repair, and it's a stupid law anyway!" -What my aunt's late sister actually said to a cop. Not recommended.

Customer: Can you tell me where the produce section is? Fang: -shrugs- Customer: Can you tell me where the bathrooms are? Fang: -shrugs- Customer: Can you tell me anything? Fang: -shrugs- -Fang and a Wal-Mart customer in Job Listings

Don't do drugs, kids! Give hugs! This message has been brought to you by The National Republic of Canadia, Rice Crispies, and the letter Ñ. -Me, trying to raise money for the budget for Maximum Star Wars: Episode IV

I liked the one with the black wings, though. He was cute. I wanted to take him home and cuddle him. And feed him blackberries. I like blackberries. I would name him Fuzzles 'cause he looked like a Fuzzles. I decided to ask Gerald about it later. -Gozen from Gozen and the Feather Kids

"Alright, class. I know you're all excited about that yearly social meltdown event called prom, but, unless you'd like to fail my class in the name of sparkly dresses and spiked punch, you all have a project to work on. So please, get with your partners and get to work. If you need me, I'll be at my desk, taking a coffee break, and no, Alanna, you can't have any." -The fictional Mr. Hardy in Fly By Twilight: The Coven (Though I can picture the real Mr. Hardy saying it.)

"Hey, whatcha reading, Bud?" Matt asked me, sitting next to me on the couch. For some reason, Matt always tried to be, like, my best friend or something. He kept calling me 'Bud'. I kept picturing his head in a noose. "To Kill a Mockingbird." "Awesome, Bud. Hey, I killed a bird once hunting with my dad." "Good for you." I wondered if I should be insulted. He technically killed a relative. -Fang and Matt in Bubbles, Football, and Pygmy Marmosets.

"Mybubblesmyprettybubblesmybubblesprettybubblesno!" -Tammy in Bubbles, Football, and Pygmy Marmosets. And yes, I can actually say that at that speed. Amazing, no?

"Fang, who do you think is spying on us?" "Many kinds of people." Oh, how prophetic. "Like?" "Samurai." Houston, I think we've found the problem. -Fang and Max in Ninja Fang.

“You have a captive audience, Max. People are listening to you. Your story’s out, you can’t hide anymore. What are you going to do with this situation, Max?” This questioning was starting to tic me off. “Well, let’s see. Get a cut in the profits, buy new shoes, order a life supply of chocolate chip cookies, and hire a private investigator to find out who you are so I can kick your questioning ass. Anything else you’d like to know?” -The Voice and Max in MangaFlock

‘Don’t know where you are? Well, neither do we! Good Luck!’ -The map from Dramacon

"She's like a gray sqiurrel! I want to pounce on her!" "A gray squirrel?" -the two guys in the commercial for The Cougar.

"Hey, look, there's a funeral going on." "Wow, I hope he voted early!" -My friend's Dad and I on voting day.

"I don't think we should give a card with a clown on it. Wasn't Karl afraid of clowns?" "Heh, he can't be anymore! What are they gonna do, kill him?" -My friend and I at my friend Karl's funeral. Yes, I said that second line! Why didn't someone slap me?!

I believe, if life gives you lemons, you should make lemonade. Then try to find someone who's life's giving them vodka, and have a party." -Ron White.

"Try new Flor-A-Flor. For itchy, watery eyes, it's Flor-A-Flor. Side effects may include: nausea, vomiting, water weight gain, lower back pain, receding hairline, eczema, seborrhea, psoriasis, itchy chafing clothing, liver spots, blood clots, ringworm, excessive body odor, uneven tire wear, pyorrhea, gonorrhea, diarrhea, halitosis, scoliosis, loss of bladder control, hammertoes, the shanks, low sperm count, warped floors, cluttered drawers, hunchback, heart attack, low resale value on your home, feline leukemia, athlete's foot, head lice, club foot, MS, MD, VD, fleas, anxiety, sleeplessness, drowsiness, poor gas mileage, tooth decay, split ends, parvo, warts, unibrow, lazy eye, fruit flies, chest pains, clogged drains, hemorrhoids, dry heaving, and sexual dysfunction." I'm like, "I'll just have itchy, watery eyes!" -Jeff Foxworthy on medication side-effects.

"Boy, look at me. You see that little girl there? That's my only little girl. She's my life. So if you have any thought about hugging or kissing, you remember these words: I got no problem going back to prison." -Bill Engvall talking about his daughter

The guy next to me is losing his mind. I guess he must have had something to "live for". He says, "Hey man, if one of the engines goes out, how far will the other one take us?" I look at him. "All the way to the scene of the crash! Which is pretty lucky, because that's where we're headed! I bet we beat the paramedics by a good half hour! We're haulin' ass!" -Ron White during a plane crash.

"... I don't like when juice wears tights, its a horrible combination when juce wears tights ..." -Dane Cook

Sean Connery: Knock, knock.
Alex Trebek: Who's there?
Sean Connery: Me, the guy who slept with your mother last night! -SNL Jeopardy Skit

Alex Trebek: Let's just go to Final Jeopardy, shall we? The category is; I can't believe this, the Final Jeopardy category is 'Famous Mothers'.
Sean Connery: Hah, Hah, Hah; My day has finally come, Trebek. -SNL Jeopardy Skit

"My knight in shining armor turned out to be a loser in aluminum foil." -Don't know who said it, but I love it!

“I HATE YOU LIKE A FLYBOY BREAKING INTO CHURCH ON A SUNDAY MORNIN'!” -Fang in Bellagail's Fangy Loves Joo St Fang of Boredom!

"Not to worry, we're still flying half a ship." Obi-Wan Kenobi - Star Wars Episode lll

"Wait a minute, how did this happen? We're smarter than this!" "Apparantly not" Obi-Wan and Anakin - Star Wars Episode lll

"I was begining to wonder if you even got my message" "We retransmitted it to Coruscant, just as you requested, Master. Then we decided to come rescue you" (looks up at chains) "Good job!" Obi-Wan and Anakin - Star Wars Episode ll

"You call this a diplomatic solution?" "No. I call it agressive negotiations." Anakin and Padme - Star Wars Episode ll

"So this is how liberty dies. By thunderous applause." Padme - Star Wars Episode lll

"If you choke a smurf, what color does it turn?" -Jeff Dunham

"She should call you FEMA." "What does that mean?" "Slow to respond and not a lot of satisfying results." -Walter and Jeff Dunham

"How long have you been married? "47 years." "Wow, that's amazing!" "Yeah, that old bitch'll never die." -Walter and Jeff Dunham

"A swatch." "A swatch?" "Yeah, it was a watch some company in Switzerland made, so they called it a swatch." "Good thing they weren't in Croatia." -Jeff Dunham and Walter

"Silence! I kill you!" -Achmed

"God Damnit! Oh! Oh! I mean Allah Damnit." -Achmed

"I need some ligaments!" -Achmed

"Jefafa DunHAM Dot Com!" -Penut

"The weirdest part is, he'd like to kill me, but he can't, because that would be a form of suicide." -Penut

"Trust me, you would not do well in prison." Why not?" "Come here, puppet boy! Make your daddy talk." "So, you're saying I'd soon become someone's..." "Bitch." "On a stick." -Penut, Jeff Dunham, and Jose Jalepeno.

"Where there's a will, there's family, but that's not the point." -Me. If you don't get it, think. 'Will' as in what you write when you leave your family stuff. Get it yet?

Anne: I’m thankful that I’m not your real mother, and I have a license to kill. Flock: 0_o Anne: And I want to adopt all of you! - From xxgldxx's MR SPOOF.

"But a quest to..." Grover swallowed. "I mean, couldn't the master bolt be in some place like Maine? Maine's very nice this time of year." -Grover - Percy Jackson, The Lightening Thief.

"I thought it would be obvious enough. The entrance to the Underworld is in Los Angeles." -Chiron -Percy Jackson, The Lightening Thief.

"We're orphans." "Orphans? But, my dears! Surely not!" "We got seperated from our caravan, our circus caravan. The ringmaster told us to meet him at the gas station if we got lost, but he may have forgotten, or maybe he meant a different gas station. Anyway, we're lost. Is that food I smell?" -Percy and Medusa -Percy Jackson, The Lightening Thief.

"I should have prayed to the ancestors for luck." "How lucky can they be? They're dead!" -Mulan's mom and grandmom -Mulan

"I'm about to whack my virtual head against my firewall." -Me, in a comment to Fang on max-dan-wiz.

"HOECAKE!" -Amanda, at any random moment.

"Those judges are so judgemental!" "Uh, dad? They're judges." -My dad after watching American Idol. Oh, God, if stupiduty runs in the family, I'm glad I'm adopted...

“Hell. On. Earth,” Iggy snapped. “A ninety-year old lady verbally assaulted me and the cart wouldn’t stop squeaking. I need to blow something up. Excuse me.” He stalked off. -Iggy in BlueWingedKitty's Co Ed Shopping.

"Do you have an airport?" "Yeah, a little one..." "Ok, we'll fly down." "Anthony? ...Nevermind." -My 7-year-old nephew and I on the phone. He wants to fly down to my house. Unfortunately for him, we only live about 2 hours away...

"Krill yum yum yum!" -Bell, a.k.a. Aleria14. Believe in the yumness of krill!

"The nine most terrifying words in the English language are, "I'm from the government and I'm here to help." -Ronald Reagan

"You're about as reliable as the hyper drive on the Millenium Falcon." -Just made that one up watching Star Wars: Episode V. Saving it here for later use.

"Dear Diary, Do you have any idea what it's like to be a wanted criminal? (Don’t answer that question. I really don’t want this diary to end up like Ginny Weasley’s, since it tried to kill her.)" -Fang in Diary of a Lovesick Mutant by Phoenix Fanatic.

“You assaulted an un-armed teenager, you snuck out in the middle of the night, and you, you…I don’t know what else you did but I bet it has something to do with why the national debt is so high!” -An angry Max to Fang in Diary of a Lovesick Mutant by Phoenix Fanatic.

“I never noticed. You have a nice chest.” Well, then. Hot damn, that’s a way to change the mood. “I could say the same about you, but that’d be sexual harassment.” Max and Fang in Diary of a Lovesick Mutant by Phoenix Fanatic.

"I was sitting in my room, contemplating on whether or not to read New Moon, the second part of the ‘Twilight saga’. (How is it a saga? Lord of the Rings – now that’s a saga, with intense battle scenes, powerful characters and an epic plot. But a girl falling in love with a vampire… that’s a series, not a saga. Learn the difference, young grasshopper.)" -A very true quote by Fang in Diary of a Lovesick Mutant by Phoenix Fanatic.

“But you can’t buy happiness,” I said. “That’s not necessarily true,” Iggy interrupted. “I once met a very nice stripper named Happiness.” -Fang and Iggy in Diary of a Lovesick Mutant by Phoenix Fanatic.

Then, he said loudly, “How about you give me a blow?” But Max didn’t miss a beat. “Sorry,” she said. “I choke on small objects.” -The 'Creepy Pedophile Guy' and Max in Diary of a Lovesick Mutant by Phoenix Fanatic.

Wham! “GO TO HELL.” Bam! “NEVER TOUCH HER AGAIN.” Slam! “YOU’RE CREEPIER THAN EDWARD.” -Fang beating up a pedophile in Diary of a Lovesick Mutant by Phoenix Fanatic.

"You know, when you grow up, you're going to have to get a job and pay for your own stuff." "No, I'll just steal people's wallets." -My sister and my 4-year-old future pickpocket nephew. :D

"I hath telekinesis!" -Voldemort/Volzemort/Satan from the epic fail fic My Immortal.

Iggy grinned. "No response, huh? Alright, well, if you have nothing to say...Why don't you get out of here and leave us alone before I blow your balls off with an M-80, 'kay?" -Iggy in my story, Who Needs Dylan and Max?

"When you use the toilet, you put the seat up. When you're done, you put it down. Women in tribe start wars over this. Many deaths." -"Baboon" - Jungle 2 Jungle

"HOLY FUCKING MOTHER OF KAMIA!" -Hidanlvr screaming at the random guy who jumped out in front of her to yell at her to go see Final Destination after she and her friends were discussing what 'kamia' was. Her friends found it hysterical.

"If I ever catch you cheating on me I'm going to do two things." "What's that?" "One, I'm gonna punch the other chick in the face, then ruin your chances of having children." -Hidanlvr said cheerily to her boyfriend. :D Boyfriend's reply: "That's ok. That's why I love you. And if you ever cheat on me, I'll probably just cut one of your boobs off in your sleep."

Hey ppl, did ya notice that if you put the first letter of the flocks name in a certain order (Iggy, Max, Fang, Angel, Nudge, and Gazzy) you get the word... I-M F-A-N-G. How awesometastical is that? -Found that on someone's profile. Awesome.

"One sperm with a sense of direction and I'm paying for it for the rest of my life." -Dorothy-The Golden Girls

"Yes, yes, and if he were your math homework he'd be hard and you'd be doing him on a desk. We get it, Saint." -Skittles' Iggy on Twitter.

YE OLDE ANNOYING COPY/PASTE SECTION:

(1) A couple is lying in bed. The man says, "I'm gonna make you the happiest woman alive." the woman replies, "I'll miss you..."

(2)Dear Lord,
I pray for Wisdom to understand my man; Love to forgive him; And
Patience for his moods. Because, Lord, if I pray for Strength,
I'll beat him to death. AMEN

(3) Q: What does it mean when a man is in your bed gasping for
breath and calling your name?
A: You did not hold the pillow down long enough.

(4) Q: What do you call an intelligent, good looking, sensitive man?
A: A rumor

Man: Where have you been all my life?
Woman: Hiding from you.
Man: Haven't I seen you someplace before?
Woman: Yes, that's why I don't go there anymore.
Man: Is this seat empty?
Woman: Yes, and this one will be if you sit down.
Man: Your place or mine?
Woman: Both. You go to yours, and I'll go to mine.
Man: So, what do you do for a living?
Woman: I'm a female impersonator.
Man: Hey baby, what's your sign?
Woman: Do not enter.
Man: How do you like your eggs in the morning?
Woman: Unfertilized.
Man: Your body is like a temple.
Woman: Sorry, there are no services today.
Man: I would go to the end of the world for you.
Woman: But would you stay there?
Man : If I could see you naked, I'd die happy.
Woman: If I saw you naked, I'd probably die laughing.
Man: If I could rearrange the alphabet I'd put u and i together
Woman: Really, I'd put f and u together

92 percent of American teens would die if Fang told them it was uncool to breathe. Copy this in your profile if you would be the 8 percent that would tell Fang to get over himself and then shove him back in your basement where he belongs. Then, you would resurrect the 92 percent of overzealous fangirls and use them as your zombie army to take over Canada and rename it Canadia where you would rule as Queen with Fang by your side as your extremely hot king who has no real political power except to stand there and make you look good.

Amanda helped me come up with the idea for this one:

95 percent of American teen girls would rush in a mob to every sperm bank if Robert Pattinson announced that he had donated sperm. Copy this to your profile if you would be part of the 5 percent holding a gun, watching the mob rush by, and picking off the weaklings...

-Hello and welcome to the Mental Health Hot-line. If you are obsessive compulsive, press 1 repeatedly. If you are co-dependent ask someone to press 2 for you. If you have multiple personalities press 3, 4, 5, 6. If you are paranoid, we know what you are and what you want so stay on the line and we'll trace your call. If you are delusional press 7 and your call will be sent to the Mother Ship. If you are schizophrenic listen carefully and a small voice will tell you which number to press. If you are depressive, it doesn't matter which number you press, no one will answer you. If you are dislexic press 6, 9, 6, 9, 6, 9. If you have a nervous disorder fidget with the hatch key until the beep. After the beep, please wait for the beep. If you have short term memory loss, please try your call again later and if you have low self esteem, hang up; all our operators are too busy to talk to you.

Stop the Pairing Wars!

By copying and pasting this in your profile, you vow to respect other pairings and the people that like them.

You shalt not insult them, explain why they can't be together, or say that they would rather be with someone else.

You shalt have your opinions but shalt not insult pairings.You shalt avoid them if you hate them.

You shalt keep an open mind about stories even if you despise the pairing.

You shalt paste this in your profile.

ACTUAL PRODUCT LABELS THAT SCARE ME:

On a Sears hairdryer: Do not use while sleeping. ( that's the only time I have to work on my hair).

On a bag of Fritos! ..You could be a winner! No purchase necessary. Details inside. (the shoplifter special)?

On a bar of Dial soap: "Directions: Use like regular soap." (and that would be how?...)

On some Swanson frozen dinners: "Serving suggestion: Defrost." (but, it's "just" a suggestion).

On Tesco's Tiramisu dessert (printed on bottom): "Do not turn upside down." (well...duh, a bit late, huh)!

On Marks & Spencer Bread Pudding: "Product will be hot after heating." (...and you thought?...)

On packaging for a Rowenta iron: "Do not iron clothes on body." (but wouldn't this save me more time?)

On Boot's Children Cough Medicine: "Do not drive a car or operate machinery after taking this medication." (We could do a lot to reduce the rate of construction accidents if we could just get those 5-year-olds with head-colds off those forklifts.)

On Nytol Sleep Aid: "Warning: May cause drowsiness." (and.. .I'm taking this because?...)

On most brands of Christmas lights: "For indoor or outdoor use only." (as opposed to...what?)

On a Japanese food processor: "Not to be used for the other use." (now, somebody out there, help me on this. I'm a bit curious.)

On Sunsbury's peanuts: "Warning: contains nuts." (talk about a news flash)

On an American Airlines packet of nuts: "Instructions: Open packet, eat nuts." (Step 3: maybe, uh...fly Delta?)

On a child's superman costume: "Wearing of this garment does not enable you to fly." (I don't blame the company. I blame the parents for this one.)

On a Swedish chainsaw: "Do not attempt to stop chain with your hands." (...was there a lot of this happening somewhere?)

DEATH OF AN OLD AND TRUE FRIEND:

I got this from Randomitis Sufferer, who got it from BellaRide28. This is so true:

One of my best friends died recently; I'm really upset. He was such a great guy and I miss him. Maybe you knew of him. Most people did. I hope it wasn't you who contributed to his death, otherwise I shall dispatch a vicious band of lions to disembowel you. Okay, I don't have a troupe of lions at my disposal, but I can find one, trust me. My friend was a paragon of amazing. His name was Common Sense. I am sorry to inform you of his demise. Mourn with me.

Dearly beloved…we gather here to say our goodbyes. Here he lies…

Today we mourn the passing of a beloved old friend, Common Sense, who has been with us for many years. No one knows for sure how old he was since his birth records were long ago lost in bureaucratic red tape.

He will be remembered as having cultivated such valuable lessons as knowing when to come in out of the rain, why the early bird gets the worm, life isn't always fair, and maybe it was my fault.

Common Sense lived by simple, sound financial policies (don't spend more than you earn) and reliable parenting strategies (adults, not children, are in charge).

His health began to deteriorate rapidly when well intentioned but overbearing regulations were set in place.

Reports of a six-year-old boy charged with sexual harassment for kissing a classmate and teens suspended from school for using mouthwash after lunch only worsened his condition.

Common Sense lost ground when parents attacked teachers for doing the job they failed to do in disciplining their unruly children.

It declined even further when schools were required to get parental consent to administer Panadol, sun lotion or a sticky plaster to a student; but, could not inform the parents when a student became pregnant and wanted to have an abortion.

Common Sense lost the will to live as the Ten Commandments became contraband; churches became businesses; and criminals received better treatment than their victims.

Common Sense took a beating when you couldn't defend yourself from a burglar in your own home and the burglar can sue you for assault.

Common Sense finally gave up the will to live, after a woman failed to realize that a steaming cup of coffee was hot. She spilled a little in her lap, and was promptly awarded a huge settlement.

Common Sense was preceded in death by his parents, Truth and Trust; his wife, Discretion; his daughter, Responsibility; and his son, Reason. He is survived by three stepbrothers; I Know My Rights, Someone Else is to Blame, and I'm A Victim.

Not many attended his funeral because so few realized he was gone.

Rest In Peace, my old friend.

FANFICTION LINKS:

Fly By Twilight:

Prom outfits from The Coven: Clicky!

Also, check out Fang and Alanna by Rinean on Maximum-x! Thank you, Rinean!

Ninja Fang:

Found these pictures and thought they fit.

Ninja Powers!

We Do Not Test on Animals...

He's a Ninja

Another Form of the Avian Flu:

Chapter 42 Chat: Click here!

Job Listings:

nathan_p never ceases to amaze me...

Roland ter Borcht Chapter

Chapter Title.

The continuations and responses...

Double Date:

The Cover to Double Date, as drawn by Vera Amber: Click Here.

The Cover to Double Date as colored by yours truly: Here.

Who Needs Dylan and Max?:

My Cover for it: Here!

Facts of Life:

Vera Amber's cover for it: Here!

FANFICTION AND LIFE UPDATES:

All Updates Both on my Stories and on my Life in General Can be Found by Following my Twitter.

New Stories Yet To Come!!:

1. An angsty fic in which Fang is kidnapped, tortured, and has unspeakable acts done to him that everyone will hate me for writing. (I'm going to start typing up all the chapters I have written, and when that's done, I believe I will post it.)

2. A little oneshot of how Fang became so silent. (On Hold.)

3. The Hobbit Named Spiffy story!! (On Hold.)

4. A oneshot based on a scene from my Senior Play. (When I have the free time.)

5. Challenge to Myself: Write a story using all of the quotes in my 'Favorite Quote' section. (Yeah, when I have some freaking free time...)

6. Maximum Ride meets the Iliad. I'm obsessed... (Need to do some major typing...)

7. Oneshots based on that poll I did of favorite pairings...should be much fun. (Oh, who knows...)

8. Monkeys!! (I just felt like typing that for some unknown reason...)

9. Story based on Mr. Hardy having the door to Narnia in his beard. (Working on it when bored.)

10. Maximum Ride/Percy Jackson Crossover, because my wonderful fans begged for it. (When I finish the series, ok? I'm making reading it a priority.)

11. Maximum Ride/Harry Potter Crossover. (With everything else I have to do, who knows...)

Community:	Laughing My Wings Off
Focus:	Books » Maximum Ride