I would like to start off my bio with an explanation for my screen-name. See, it's all based around a little mishap i recently had while opening a jar of pasta sauce, in which the dried sauce around the rim slashed my right index finger open, so i am now the only person in the history of forever to be maimed by tomato sauce.

But i'm just that special.

I'm a girl (or am i? ;p) from the D.C. metro area (that's anywhere immediately accessible to D.C. by bus, cab, or underground/subway/metro). i'm in high school, and sucking at it, so if i don't update for a reeeeeeeally long time, i'm probably grounded. or, you know, i could just have writer's block. i don't actually update all that much, seeing as how i go off on little tangents of one fandom for long periods of time. Fullmetal Alchemist held my attention for a long time, but then i went LotR for a few weeks and then fluxuated back to FMA until being bit by the infamous Naruto bug, so i don't know what's going on...

Oh, and quick footnote - my friend Fragmented.Smile just joined up, and she's one of the most beutifully emotional writers i know, so look'er up!

my deviantart: http://lady-poofeypants.deviantart.com/

Alrighty, since everyone seems to have some quotes on their bios these days, i guess i'll put up a few of my own...

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'Davy Jones comes stumping through the door of a math classroom, a yardstick clasped behind his back. Reaches whiteboard, whips around, smacks yardstick against board and, in an amazing Scottish accent, roars a single word:'

"FRACTIONS!"

- late night discussion with my Friend Akukama (check her stories, they are teh amazing). we were dissatisfied with our new schedules for the year and thinking up all of the fictional characters who should be teachers. Davy Jones was actually subbing for Wolverine...

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"you woke me up...at five a.m. ... so you could PILFER PASTRIES?!" - Felix Elrose

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"That still makes me laugh: a bus full of jews singing 'Springtime for Hitler'." - Vam, again. best part being that she was one of the aforementioned singing jews.

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"why i didn't do my homework, reason 7: it was lost in an accident involving a hippo, a toaster, and a bag of frozen peas. you don't want to know the details." - my friend's shirt

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"when life gives you lemons, make grape juice and let the world wonder how you did it." - i don't actually know, but whoever they are, they're incredible.

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Ron - "don't talk to me."

Hermione - "why not?"

Ron - "because i want to preserve that in my memory forever. Draco Malfoy, the amazing, bouncing ferret..."

-do i even need to say it? Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire, morons.

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you aren't British, you aren't allowed to say 'twat'! -my half British buddy, Willow

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"Yeah, i used to think joey was a big nerd. wai-wait a minute...he still is a nerd - ya frickin nerd! GOD, Y-YOU'RE A NERD!" - Legendary Frog's 'the forging of the one ring'

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Well, i've died since then, but other than that i'm fine! - The Almighty Schmergo

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Well, large penis is always welcome! - Attia; ROME

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Lucius Vorenus- (to his wife) do not take that tone with me! (stalks out of the house)

Niobe- (scrubbing table furiously) tone ... my father's COCK! HOW'S THAT FOR TONE?!

-ROME, again.

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"Mr. Penis tried to eat the fuzzy handcuffs, but i said "No! Bad Mr. Penis!" and Mr. Penis was excited and apologized, because he had learned his lesson..." - a mad lib with Willow...not one of my better ideas...

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Fragment.Smile: "I'm not saying Jersey isn't Mordor..."

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Fragment.Smile: You know how sometimes you'll get those random bursts of inspiration and you're like, "FUCK! can't - write - fast enough! can't - write - FAST ENOUGH!!" and you just type and type until your fingers catch fire and you're like "FUCK! FUCK! what do I do?!" but you keep on writing until your hands burn off and you have nothing left and you're just banging your head against the keyboard. And THEN you forget to save!

...don't ask...it's Fraggie...

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"Holy doorknobs, Lint Man! We have a dilemma of lamp - sized proportions!" - Willow and Fraggie...being themselves...

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Stealization of yo pantz... - Willow and Fraggie...yet again

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"D'you know what?! I am Mctired! I am Mctired of your Mcshit!" - Fraggie. And no, you don't want to know.

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"SCIENCE! SCIENCE! MATH! SCIENCE!" Fraggie on a calculator. Our geometry teacher was displeased...

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PIDGEON!! - Willow

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"Willow, any particular reason my big toe is drooling?" - me (again, don't ask)

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THIS IS LIFE! THIS IS WHAT LIFE IS AND THEN YOU DIE! - Fraggie, stirring a pudding cup in my face, at midnight, while we were making brownies. I'm not entirely sure what brought that up, but whatever...

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NEVER BEFORE HAS MY ASS LOOKED SO BIG!! - Willow

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"It would suck if Werewolves started doing drive - bys..." - Willow

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"I love being pantsless in you house!" - Willow

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"The bumble-twinks are smoo-bombing the corndog people..." Willow, in chemistry class

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"Power walking, power eating, power dating, power spawning BABIES! You'll have so many BABIES! 400 BABIES!! Feed Power Thirst to you babies and they'll be good at SPORTS! Make your babies run ABNORMALLY FAST! They'll run as fast as KENYANS! People will see them running and think they're KENYANS! They'll run a race against actual KENYANS, and then there'll be a tie and they'll get deported back to KENYAAAAAA!!" - Youtube vid by college boys (unsurprisingly) advertising a fake energy drink called Power Thirst.

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Akukama: Yes, but how do you know that you're sentient?

Kane:...I like pie.

Akukama: I could program a computer to say that.

Kane: No. (gets right up in Aku's face) I LIKE pie!!

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Me - Wh - why is Kane hugging my foot?

Aku - Because it has a shoe on it, but anyway, as i was saying...

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Me: What in the hell was that?!

Kane - It was either A: a rabbi, or B: Hagrid.

Akukama - or C : Rabbi Hagrid!

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"You never know how depressing flowers are until you see them in December..." Rose

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right, i think that about does it for now.

Uhhh, music. I'm weird. I like Celtic Woman, Blink 182, Weird Al, Voltaire, The Used, Less That Jake, Queen, the Arrogant Worms, Evanescence, and a great deal more; that's just the basics. oh, and the occasional catchy showtune :3

Also, as many people on this site like to request that people respect that they are Christian and that Christian themes appear in their writing, i would like to request to those of you who are religious to respect the fact that i am AGNOSTIC, and that many ideas that may be considered blasphemy to you may appear in my own writing. If you have a problem with the fact that i believe that the Bible is metaphorical and that there is no true religion, then don't go off telling me i'm going to hell when you get offended by my stories, because you have been warned.

soooo...yah. that's sort of it. I was just getting tired of the old bio.

Happy writing, all!

-T.S.