GENERAL DISCLAIMER

If you recognise it, I probably don't own it.

Hey, I'm BlackDove-alchemist, (Duh) and I can't write for nuts. Doesn't stop me from trying, but its true. I love FMA, Naruto, HP, Saiyuki and pretty much any anime. I don't actually know why anyone'd read this, but whatever floats your boat.

My Fandoms

Pairings I Love Parings I don't mind Characters I love

Saiuki- Hakkai and gojyo, Sanzo and goku Hakkai, Gojyo

Naruto- Iruka and kakashi, Genma and raidou, naruto and gaara, naruto and sasuke pretty much any yaoi pairing Iruka, Kakashi Ikibi.

To see a great argument for KakaIru (Or IruKaka!) go to http://tyrsownrue.deviantart.com/art/Why-KakaIru-25985343

FullMetal Alchemist- Roy and ed, envy and ed, havoc and fuery Edward Elric, Roy Mustang, Envy, Maes Hughes

Harry Potter- Remus and sirius, harry and draco, Harry and Tom Riddle/Lord Voldermort Remus, Sirius, Harry

To see a great argument for RemusSirius, go to http://elwing-alcyone livejournal com/11152 html?view=404624#t404624 (Take out the spaces and put in full stops (.))

Criminal Minds- Derek Morgan and Spencer Reid, Spencer Reid, Derek Morgan, Penelope Garcia

Twilight-Edward Cullen

RANDOM QUOTES! (There's nothing after this but quotes, so feel free to skip ahead to my stories)(Also, if you recognise thany of these, and I've stolen them from either your profile or story, thanks for posting them!)

There are two tragedies in life; one is not getting what you want, the other is getting it.

Reality is an illusion created by a lack of alcohol.

Prologues, as a general rule, must suck to make the rest of the book look good.

I’m a ninja. My cooking is good. Or else.

Silence may be golden, but Duct Tape is silver.

Pissing Off the Entire Planet, One Person At A Time

Smiling causes wrinkles. So does glaring. But glaring is a whole hell of a lot easier than smiling.

I hear voices and they don’t like you.

Don’t be afraid of your Dark Side; have fun with it.

Good girls are just bad girls who don’t get caught.

I’d tell you to get a clue, but you couldn’t get a clue during the clue mating season in a field full of horny clues if you smeared your body with clue musk and did the clue mating dance.

Intellectuals solve problems; geniuses prevent them. And idiots – like you and myriads of other people in this world – create them.

The fact that nobody understands you doesn’t make you a genius.

A mind is a terrible thing not to mess with

Insanity: doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results.

Don’t call me infantile, you stinkybutt poopyhead!

Curiosity killed the cat but for a while I was the suspect.

If at first you don’t succeed, maybe winning isn’t for you.

Honesty is the best policy, but insanity is a better defense.

Abandon sanity, all ye who enter here.

Don't play stupid with me. I'm better at it.

I need alcohol. There are brain cells that are going to remember tonight and I want them dead.

I know what you're thinking and you should be ashamed of yourself.

Everything is always okay in the end. If it's not okay then it's not the end.

Drunkenness, n: A temporary but popular cure for Catholicism.

Religion is for people afraid of going to Hell. Spirituality is for those who have already been there.

I hope there's an afterlife so I can waste that too.

Tom is my only friend: The rest of my top 8 is a mixture of alcohol, anti-depressants and internet porn.

-Since the day of my birth, my death began its walk. It is walking towards me, without hurrying.

You know how I smile when I see you? It's because I'm laughing deep down inside.

I used to have super human powers, but my therapist took them away.

I'm so great. I'm jealous of myself.

Please don't bother me when I'm ignoring you.

Product of a sick society.

Pain is created when the brain receives more stimuli than it can process. Pleasure is reaching the brink of this. So, stop screaming. Your brain just doesn’t know you’re enjoying this yet.

Normal is just a setting on a washing machine...

Love is but a hostile shadow. You run, and it chases you, and in the end it devours you like a black hole devours a spaceship.

When life gives you lemons, make orange juice and sit back and watch the world wonder how the hell you did it.

I am not anti-social..I just don't like you.

Sky is not a ceiling that is protecting us... It's an opened door that invite us to meet the stars...

I want less to do, more time to do it, and a higher pay for not getting it done.

"...if I was really as crazy as you say, then I would be locked up in a loony bin. As you see, this is not the case. If...I'm sorry, can you help me? My nose itches and this straitjacket is on a little tight..."

If men could get pregnant abortion would be a sacrament.

I'm tough, ambitious and know exactly what I want. If that makes me a bitch, okay.

I haven't seen anyone killed and I have yet to kill anyone. I have shown great restraint.

If someone with multiple personalities threatens to kill himself, is it considered a hostage situation?

Atheism is a non-prophet organization.

If you try to fail, and succeed, which have you done?

Why do they put Braille on the drive-through bank machines?

What do you do when you see an endangered animal eating an endangered plant?

If you speak to god you're religious. If God speaks to you you're psychotic.

I think of lying as creative "truth-making".

Depression is anger without enthusism.

Imagination was given to man to compensate for what he's not and a sense of humor for what he is.

Let us live so that when we come to die even the undertaker will be sorry.

It is better to keep your mouth closed and let people think you are a fool than to open it and remove all doubt.

It ain't those parts of the Bible that I can't understand that bother me, it is the parts that I do understand.

If man could be crossed with the cat, it would improve man but deteriorate the cat.

I'm not arrogant. Arrogance is a flaw. I have no flaws.

"There was something very wrong about L naming a female dog after him, and knowing the detective, it was a very roundabout way of calling him a bitch."(From the story Coexistence is Boredom)

When you get knocked down, jump right back up and give the finger to whatever knocked you down

Your stupidity thoroughly convinces me that our species is doomed.

Never poke a sleeping fox in the eye.

When seeking darkness, wear a blindfold. When seeking light, take it off!

It is very comforting to believe that leaders who do terrible things are, in fact, mad. That way, all we have to do is make sure we don't put psychotics in high places and we've got the problem solved.

All warfare is based on deception. We cannot enter into alliances until we are acquainted with the designs of our neighbors.

You can have peace. Or you can have freedom. Don't ever count on having both at once.

Stop all the clocks, cut off the telephone,
Prevent the dog from barking with a juicy bone,
Silence the pianos and with muffled drum
Bring out the coffin, let the mourners come.

Let aeroplanes circle moaning overhead
Scribbling on the sky the message He Is Dead,

Put crepe bows round the white necks of the public doves,
Let the traffic policemen wear black cotton gloves.

He was my North, my South, my East and West,
My working week and my Sunday rest,
My noon, my midnight, my talk, my song;
I thought that love would last for ever: I was wrong.

The stars are not wanted now: put out every one;
Pack up the moon and dismantle the sun;
Pour away the ocean and sweep up the wood.
For nothing now can ever come to any good.

Training starts at the crack of noon.

The early bird may get the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese.

Hard work pays off in the future, laziness pays off now.

You can only be young once. But you can always be immature.

They say hard work never hurts anybody, but why take the chance?

Power corrupts. Absolute power is kind of neat.

I just met a wonderful new man. He's fictional but you can't have everything.

There is no such thing as fun for the whole family.

There is no pleasure in having nothing to do; the fun is in having lots to do and not doing it.

Imagination is more important than knowledge.

I could say that men have monthly problems too, but then I’d be lying. It’s more like weekly.

I don’t have anger management issues…I manage to get angry just fine.

Kinda hard to be an anti-Christ of anything when you're not Christian

Universal law states that the more eagerly you await something, the more time seems to stretch out until it gets there.

When a group of psychopaths calls you insane…does it really count?

Mind like a steel trap - rusty and illegal in most states.

If I seem to give a damn, please tell me. I would hate to be giving the wrong impression

Most people are only alive because it is illegal to shoot them

Nothing is fool-proof to a sufficiently talented fool.

Reality is the only obstacle to happiness!

Sarcasm is just one more service I offer.

Smile, it makes people wonder what you're up too..

So what's the speed of dark?

This isn't school! This is Hell with fluorescent lighting

Why is it considered necessary to nail down the lid of a coffin?

If you can belch the alphabet, you didn't spend enough time doing something useful for society.

Religion is a byproduct of fear. For much of human history, it may have been a necessary evil, but why was it more evil than necessary? Isn't killing people in the name of God a pretty good definition of insanity?"

God’s busy, how may I help you?

Your village called, they want their idiot back.

Puts the F - U in FUN

I upped my standards, now up yours!

Gee, let me find a container for my joy.

My life is one of those, "you had to be there" jokes.

Bad spellers of the world UNTIE!

It seemed like a good idea at the time...

I'll be more mature if you will.

I didn't say it was your fault, I said I'm going to blame you.

I see stupid people.

There are several reasons for porn,

And one has just entered my head;

If a man cannot read it while living,

How the hell can he read it when dead?

Comfort the disturbed, disturb the comfortable.

"Sarcasm... just one more service I offer."

Why don't you slip into something nice, like unconsciousness?

I don't just enjoy guilt trips, I run the agency!

Why do something today that you can put off till tomorrow?

Boldly going nowhere.

"Bravo, you're stupid. Have a treat."

"I'm busy, you're ugly, have a nice day."

Runs with scissors

Chaos, panic, fear... my work is done here.

Loved by some, hated by many, envied by most, yet wanted by plenty!

So Many Pedestrians - So Little Time

You! Out Of The Gene Pool - Now!

I'll kill you until you die!

Tragedy is when I cut my finger. Comedy is when you fall into an open sewer and die

Excuse me... have you seen my sanity? I think I lost it.

Any connection between your reality and mine is purely coincidental.

It matters not whether you win or lose; what matters is whether I win or lose.

Don't get your knickers in a knot. Nothing is solved and it makes you walk funny.

None of us are virgins, life has screwed us all.

All Men Are Animals; Some Just Make Better Pets

The more I get to know people the more I like dogs.

Hard work pays off in the future, laziness pays off now

A conclusion is the part where you got tired of thinking

Consciousness- that annoying time between naps

"Two Rules For Success:

1.Never tell people everything you know."

A good essay is 10 inspiration, 15 perspiration, and 75 Desperation.

The difference between genius and stupidity is that genius has its limits.

Whoever said nothing is impossible, never tried pushing forward through a door marked ‘pull’.

I intend to live forever -- so far, so good.

"I'm going to live life or die trying"

"The devil came to me last night and asked what I wanted in exchange for my soul. I still can't believe I said pizza. Friggin' cravings."

Cleverly Disguised As A Responsible Adult

Everyone in life has a purpose, even if its to serve as a BAD EXAMPLE.

"It is not MY fault that I never learned to accept responsibility"!

"I love deadlines. I like the whooshing sound as they fly by."

"When authorities warn you of the sinfulness of sex, there is an important lesson to be learned. Do not have sex with the authorities."

Those who think they know everything, annoy those of us that do.

If everything seems to be going well, you have obviously overlooked something. Now fix it.

"The power to believe in yourself, is the power to change fate."

"The good news is that you may have created my past and screwed up my present but you have no control over my future."

"Keep smiling, it makes people wonder what you're up to."

I hate to advocate drugs, alcohol, violence, or insanity to anyone, but they've always worked for me.

Build a man a fire, and he'll be warm for a day. Set a man on fire, and he'll be warm for the rest of his life.

Don't poke logic shaped holes in my reasoning.

I believe in looking at the proverbial glass of life as not only empty, but smashed on the sidewalk and neglected by society.

I told my psychiatrist that everyone hates me. He said I was being ridiculous - everyone hasn't met me yet.

I’d like to have a battle of wits with you but I don’t fight people that are unarmed.

Light travels faster than sound. This is why some people appear bright until you hear them speak.

I have no preference. I hate everyone equally.

When you take a few punches and realise you're not made of glass, the world suddenly isn't such a scary place.

"People think that I must be a very strange person. This is not correct. I have the heart of a small boy. It is in a glass jar on my desk."

"Morgan is the one talking about soul ripping and element tearing. I think the ship had kind of sailed, you know? The barn door’s open, the cows are out, and the bag is really devoid of cats!"

"I wouldn’t mind if you want to kill me but I might struggle a bit..."

I'm 17. Looking at linoleum makes me want to have sex.

'I reject your reality and substitute my own.'

"Humankind cannot gain anything without first giving something in return. To obtain, something of equal value must be lost. That is alchemy's first law of equivalant exchange. In those days, we really believed that to be the world's one and only truth."

"No, you don't get it, thats why I'm telling you. You think you get it, which isn't the same as actually getting it. Get it?"

"I'll make up for my age with a really big gun."

"I've got a jar of dirt! I've got a jar of dirt! And guess what's inside it?"

"We have sticktion!"

"A good leader is a person who takes a little more than his share of the blame and a little less than his share of the credit."

Haikus are easy,
But sometimes they don't make sense
Refrigerator

"Whatever, Mr. Insane-Vain-Poppin-a-Little-Too-Far-Out-of-his-Head-While-Swinging-a-Bat-Guy..."

There are too kinds of anger - explosive and implosive. Explosive is the man in the supermarket that screams at the cashier for not taking his coupons. Implosive is the cashier, who sits there day... after day... and then one day, shoots everyone in the store. You're the cashier."

“The pessimist sees difficulty in every opportunity. The optimist sees the opportunity in every difficulty."

“Je vais ou je vas mourir, l'un et l'autre se dit ou se disent. “
Translation : “I am about to -- or I am going to -- die: either expression is correct.”

“Hey, fellas! How about this for a headline for tomorrow's paper? 'French Fries'!” -- James French -- French, a convicted murderer, was sentenced to the electric chair. He shouted these words to members of the press who were to witness his execution.

“Put out the bloody cigarette!!” - Saki - Spoken to a fellow officer while in a trench during World War One, for fear the smoke would give away their positions. He was then shot by a German sniper who had heard the remark.

“Hurrah for anarchy! This is the happiest moment of my life.” -- George Engel, anarchist, union activist, shouted before his execution at the gallows.

It takes 46 muscles to frown but only 4 to flip 'em the bird.

"You're quasi-evil. You're semi-evil. You're the margarine of evil. You're the diet coke of evil. Just one calorie - not evil enough!"

And you wonder why you life is an unending series of insurmountable intellectual, financial and emotional hurdles..."

"I'm up to here with cool, okay, I am so amazingly cool that you could keep a side of meat in me for a month, I am so hip I have difficulty seeing over my pelvis, now would you move before I blow it?"

"Hello. My name is Indigo Montoya. You killed my father. Prepare to die."

Prison Vs. School

IN PRISON you spend the majority of your
time in an 8x10 cell.
AT SCHOOL you spend most of your time at
a desk that sticks to your butt

IN PRISON you get three meals a day.
AT SCHOOL you only get a break for 1
meal and you have to pay for it.

IN PRISON you get time off for good
behavior.
AT SCHOOL you get rewarded for good
behavior by being called the teachers pet.

IN PRISON a guard locks and unlocks all
the doors for you.
AT SCHOOL u get locked out of your
classroom from the outside

IN PRISON you can watch TV and play
games.
AT SCHOOL you get detention for playing
games.

IN PRISON you get your own toilet.
AT SCHOOL you have to share and wait
your turn on line.

IN PRISON they allow your family and
friends to visit.
AT SCHOOL you cannot even speak to your
family and friends.

IN PRISON you spend most of your life
looking through bars from the
inside wanting to get out.

AT SCHOOL you spend most of your time
wanting to get out and go inside bars.

Weird is good, strange is bad, and odd is when you don't know which to call someone.

Weird is the same as different, which is the same as unique, than weird is good. If you are weird and proud of it, copy this onto your profile!

If you think those kids should just give the Rabbit his cereal put this in your profile!

DARWIN AWARD WINNERS

Yes, it's that magical time of the year again when the Darwin Awards are
bestowed, honoring the least evolved among us. Here then, are the
glorious winners.

1.When his 38-caliber revolver failed to fire at his intended victim
during a hold-up in Long Beach, California, would-be robber James Elliot
did something that can only inspire wonder. He peered down the barrel
and tried the trigger again. This time it worked... And now, the
honorable mentions:

2. The chef at a hotel in Switzerland lost a finger in a meat cutting
machine and, after a little hopping around, submitted a claim to his
insurance company. The company expecting negligence, sent out one of its
men to have a look for himself. He tried the machine and lost a finger.
The chef's claim was approved.

3. A man who shoveled snow for an hour to clear a space for his car
during a blizzard in Chicago returned with his Vehicle to find a woman
had taken the space. Understandably, he shot her.

4. After stopping for drinks at an illegal bar, a Zimbabwean bus driver
found that the 20 mental patients he was supposed to be transporting
from Harare to Bulawayo had escaped. Not wanting to admit his
incompetence, the driver went to a nearby bus stop and offered everyone
waiting there a free ride. He then delivered the passengers to the
mental hospital, telling the staff that the patients were very excitable
and prone to bizarre fantasies. The deception wasn't discovered for 3
days.

5. An American teenager was in the hospital recovering from serious head
wounds received from an oncoming train. When asked how he received the
injuries, the lad told police that he was simply trying to see how close
he could get his head to a moving train before he was hit.

6. A man walked into a Louisiana Circle-K, put a 20 bill on the
counter, and asked for change. When the clerk opened the cash drawer,
the man pulled a gun and asked for all the cash in the register, which
the clerk promptly provided. The man took the cash from the clerk and
fled, leaving the 20 bill on the counter. The total amount of cash he
got from the drawer...15. (If someone points a gun at you and gives
you money, is a crime committed?)

7. Seems an Arkansas guy wanted some beer pretty badly. He decided that
he'd just throw a cinder block through a liquor store window, grab some
booze, and run. So he lifted the cinder block and heaved it over his
head at the window. The cinder block bounced back and hit the would-be
thief on the head, knocking him unconscious. The liquor store window was
made of Plexiglas. The whole event was caught on videotape.

8. As a female shopper exited a New York convenience store, a man
grabbed her purse and ran. The clerk called 911 immediately, and the
woman was able to give them a detailed description of the snatcher.
Within minutes, the police apprehended the snatcher. They put him in the
car and drove back to the store. The thief was then taken out of the car
and told to stand there for a positive ID. To which he replied, "Yes,
officer, that's her. That's the lady I stole the purse from."

9. The Ann Arbor News crime column reported that a man walked into a
Burger King in Ypsilanti, Michigan, at 5a.m., flashed a gun, demanded
cash. The clerk turned him down because he said he couldn't open the
cash register without a food order. When the man ordered onion rings,
the clerk said they weren't available for breakfast . The man,
frustrated, walked away.

A 5-STAR STUPIDITY AWARD WINNER!

10. When a man attempted to siphon gasoline from a motor home parked on
a Seattle street, he got much more than he bargained for. Police arrived
at the scene to find a very sick man curled up next to a motor home near
spilled sewage. A police spokesman said that the man admitted to trying
to steal gasoline and plugged his siphon hose into the motor home's
sewage tank by mistake. The owner of the vehicle declined to press
charges, saying that it was the best laugh he'd ever had.

In the interest of bettering human-kind please share these with your
friends and family ... unless of course one of these 10 individuals by
chance is a distant relative or long lost friend. In that case be glad
they are distant and hope they remain lost.

92 percent of the teen population would be dead if Abercrombie and Fitch or Hollister said it wasn't cool to breath anymore. Repost if your one if the 8 percent who would be laughing your ass off.

If you know what Yaoi is and you support it insanely, post this in your profile.

Everybody’s story ends with death.

Wondering idly if Elmo ever wanted to take an Uzi to Sesame Street

Why do we kill people, who kill people to show people that killing people is wrong?

I am physically incapable of doing anything reasonably polite. My psychiatrist said I should stop denying it and embrace my inner asshole. I’ve felt lot better since.

Today I'm alive and all the world is mine.

I may be cruel, neurotic, paranoid and anti-social, but I'm basically happy.

I can picture in my mind a world without war, a world without hate. And I can picture us attacking that world because they'd never expect it.

Confidence is the thing you have before you understand the situation.

"Why?" "I admit the reasons continue to change."

...and there is one less person that can smile at you, and make you think that your job is almost, almost, worth it, if only for a second...

The rain, angel's tears for those who can't cry...

When you forget someone dear, you lose a piece of your heart. But when you forget a precious time in your life you lose a part of your being.

We hang the petty theives and appoint the greats ones to public office.

You are so far gone you can't see the edge anymore.

Freedom is just another word for nothing left to lose.

The paths we chose are our own. We can only blame ourselves.

To hide behind the mask this time and try to believe.

You can't escape no matter how far and hard you run, because this world is your cage.

Do not look back and grieve over the past, for it is gone; and do not be troubled about the future, for it has yet to come. Live in the present and make it so beautiful that it will be worth remembering.

Further to fall.

A pill to make you numb.

Put on that smile for everyone to see, so they will be comfortable being around me.

For in dreams we enter a world that is entirely our own...

I never saw the way you sacrificed, nor did I know the price you paid.

...hear their song of sadness and sorrow.

Our greatest glory is not in never falling, but in rising every time we fall.

Stand up for what you believe in, even if you stand alone.

It is always a pleasure to talk to people, because silence is what we've been condemned with since the beginning of existence. We talk to fill the void of ringing eternity, because we're afraid to be lonely--afraid to find out we are alone.

The words in my mind sometimes scream, but none of the sound is ever there.

If you are never remembered, you never existed.

No one else can see your hands clench. No one else can see the way you want to scream, but no sound comes out.

The whole world is crazy. We're just a different kind of crazy.

But there are some days where we just can't take it anymore. We are the fighters, the heroes and it hurts.

And you're sure you're good enough to judge. Because you're so encased in light you're blinded, fool.

Promises are everything and failure is not a possiblily.

All she knew was that she needed to get away, needed to run, to go to a place where pain didn't exist, maybe she could outrun her despair.

I won't become the thing I hate... I won't become you.

Unhappy people like me didn't want to be happy in the first place.

Before long people will no longer be people, merely faces.

What's smart isn't always what's best.

But they don't understand, can't understand what it's like to feel your entire world slip through your fingers and shatter on the ground.

If the whole world depends on today's youth, I can't see the world lasting another hundred years.

Among life's perpetually charming questions is whether the truly evil do more harm than the self righteous and wrong.

You think people would elect someone with brains once in a while. You know, just for the hell of it.

Take a simple view on living. Keep your eyes open and get on with it.

If you're going to do something wrong at least enjoy it.

Believe me, every heart has a secret sorrow that the world knows not, and oftentimes we call a man cold when he is only sad.

All I have, I have found, is myself. And sometimes, that's even enough. Sometimes.

Bound at every limb by my shackles of fear, sealed with lies through so many tears.

Lost from within, pursuing an end. I fight for a chance to be lied to again.

Wake up to the lies of reality.

He didn't hurt himself as much, didn't feel so much pain, and he didn't feel alone. Not when they were with him.

Feeling as free as a bird, ready to sprout wings and fly away, yet your feet are shackled to the floor.

I know you're just like me with someone disappointed in you.

You're screaming, yelling, laughing and talking as loud as you can, but you know that this is the kindest quiet you'll ever have. And they're laughing, yelling, screaming, too, at you, but this is the happiest you've ever been. Because this means they aren't whispering, constantly, always looking, whispering or worse, leaving you alone until you fear the quiet. And you do. You fear it.

Everything looks perfect from far away.

The need to survive is much greater than the need to escape or resist.

I cannot disappoint those who helped me up, when I was the one to fall.

We all do things in life that are not the 'right' or 'correct' things to do. But you do it anyway, because you have hope. Because you know that, later on, it will serve a better purpose. That's all you can do.

We all strive for perfection that can never be reached. Sometimes the question needs to be asked: is perfection really worth it?

Everyone perfect is lying and everything easy has it's cost.

I'll just settle for doing what's best with what's left of me.

People don't notice. They don't want to. They don't care.

Look into my eyes and see the ruins of my world.

He died protecting something he cared about. He shouldn't have died. He shouldn't have cared.

We throw away our independance for mass produced, store bought individuality.

It's a relief to be around someone who knows the worst of you, because you can stop trying and stop pretending.

Is it right to talk to a person because they are silent?

He laughed quietly. The kind of laughter that came with a small measure of insanity and the knowledge that one's actions will cause trouble, but also knowing the situation had passed a point where it could be avoided.

Strength is when you keep yourself standing even if everyone else would understand if you broke down.

And as I take my last breath I'll apologise for bleeding on your shirt.

GENERAL DISCLAIMER

If you recognise it, I don't own it.