the animaniac dude - FanFiction.Net

I am 85 Evil Genius.
http://www.fuali.com/test.aspx?id=7710f76e-78a7-45c0-863e-f129772764f0"> src="http://www.fuali.com/testimage.aspx?img=8c4d8770-7999-43a4-8945-7f73647329b9.gif" alt="Evil to the Bone!" border="0" style="margin-top:5px">
I am pure evil. I lie awake at night devising schemes of world domination, and I will not rest until all living souls bend to my will.
hiya! this is the animaniac dude, and, i guess this is my profile! 'crazy cheering from crowd' o.O when did you get here?
lemme see, I like books, video games, fan fictions, (duh :P) manga (DUH XP) and anime. (and once more, DUH!!XD) i will read any fanfic if it even remotely resembles anime, or if I like it in real life. I don't like anybody telling me what to do, vegetables, my sister shannon, my imaginary brother cody, who always is responsible for anything going wrong, and my co-workers. and I absolutely DISPISE yaoi, that stuff's just wrong. my nickname is shika! SQUEEE!! and no, i'm not gay. that was for comedic effect. get over it, yaoi fangirls! but my nickname really is shika, and i'm proud of it!
about me: you don't really need to know how old I am. i'm a guy, and why do you care about anything else! XP fine. i'm 6'2", white, blonde hair, blue eyes, and now i really should stop before the internet stalkers come. i am a complete romancinatic (come on guys, you are no less of a man for admitting it!) and am VERY discriminating in romance stories that i read, or at least that I think are good. not to blow my own horn or anything, but the ones that i like, generally are really good. unless, of course, the author does a idiotic stunt or completely changes his writing style in the middle of the story, and then i drop it faster than a hot potato! the pairings that i approve of are as follows:
nami/luffy (one piece) (MANGA! NOT 4KIDS! THOSE VOICES RAPE MY EARS!)
zoro/robin (one piece) (MANGA! NOT 4KIDS! THOSE VOICES RAPE MY EARS!)
naruto/sakura (naruto)
naruto/hinata (naruto)
ed/winry (full metal alchemist)
link/zelda (legend of zelda)
tidus/yuna (final fantasy x)
sora/kairi (kingdom hearts)
there's probably a crapload of minor pairings that i've forgotten, but oh well, those are the big ones.
Favorite authors:
Ichigos Strawberry: you are a good friend, even if you're as straight as a circle. I swear, you are going to end up in an asylum someday! God did not approve of guy/guy, otherwise he wouldn't have created hot chicks! and I don't even WANT to know why you like that stuff so much when you're in love with the characters yourself! if you love 'em so much, why make them gay, and therefore off-limits? unless... OH GOD! YUCKY THREESOME IMAGES! THE DISGUST! IT WON'T WASH OFF! 'attack of the jibblies/many seizures' DISTURBING!
crazygurlmadness: BEST. ZELINK. WRITER. EVER! love the way you portray link, it just fits him to a T!
biach-goddess-leah: your story rocks the house! now if only you would freakin' update faster!
brightshadow 5: your stories are one of the best stories out there, period, and one of, if not the, best sokai fanfic i've ever read! and yet, i hate you. you make me feel really shitty about my up-and-coming kingdom hearts fanfic. I HATE YOUR GUTS! okay, unfair bitching over. O.o
I have not made a fanfic before, so i'm a little shaky on my feet about this stuff, please read my stories. if you like them, review an tell me. if you think they sucked, review and tell me what you think i should fix, but straight flames will be used to roast marshmellows. so, um, yeah. if you do rewiew, i'll be happy. umm... slapping fish! o.O (DO NOT ASK!) BYE!
update as of december 2, 2007: YES!! MY BRAINCHILD (a.k.a. my story) HAS REACHED ONE HUNDRED REVIEWS!! THANK YOU ALL!! 'does happy dance' you people are the best friends ever! 'starts sobbing hysterically' you are so great!
update as of january 25, 2008: HA HA HA! IN YOUR FACE, ITASASU FANS! (laughs maniacally) naruto manga chapter 386 proves all of you WRONG! itachi kept sasuke around for spare eyes, not creepy incest! you're all WRONG! you're FAKE! PHONY! PHONY! PHONY! look, everyone! itasasu fans are PHONIES! PHONIES! a PHONY sits there! PHONY!!
update as of april 21, 2008: OMG I just had a brain blast as to why itachi killed his clan! i bet you anything that the clan was going to kill sasuke because he couldn't activate his eyes quickly enough, and that they thought he was a dud! itachi got pissed off at that, because we all know he loves his little brother (eww, not THAT way!) and killed them all! IT MAKES SENSE!! still doesn't explain why he told sasuke to hate him, though... meh. it'll come to me later.
update as of may 4, 2008: wow. I now have a legitemate reason to hate fat people. i've just learned, that if nobody in america were fat, the us would save 487 BILLION DOLLARS!! yes, you heard me right. 487 BILLION dollars. if you add that all up, you could hand every household in the nation 4,270 dollars and still have more. it would even SLOW DOWN GLOBAL WARMING A LITTLE! yes, you heard me, i went there, i mentioned global warming! so, fat people, get out there and buy a home gym! you're dragging the economy down!
update as of may 30, 2008: oh my god, that's so sad. i just watched naruto 402 on youtube with my immortal by evanescence, and it was just so sad! it fit the mood so well! i actually cried a little bit! and i never cry! it's true, they call me emotionless, and i cried a little! my god, it was so sad... i feel bad for sasuke. I hate the elders even more for putting them in that situation.
98 percent of teenagers smoke or have tried smoking pot. If you're one of the 2 percent who haven't, copy and paste this into your profile.
By Order of MelanieStar
Naruto fanfics are over populated by yaoi, primarily NaruSasu. If you believe me put this on your profile.
By Order of ChaosLink
If you've ever been back stabbed by people who you thought were your friends copy and past this into your profile.
90 percent of people in this world are shallow and conceited. if you think it's no coincidence that same percent of people are NaruSaku haters, copy and paste this into your profile. By order of The Animaniac Dude
Weird is good, strange is bad, odd is when you don't know what to call someone. Weird is the same as different, which is the same as unique. Therefore, weird is good. If you're weird and proud of it, copy this into your profile.
If you have ever pushed a pull door, or vice versa, copy this into your profile.
My best friend is insane. If you agree, or if you have an insane friend, copy this into your profile.
If you have ever run into a door, copy this into your profile.
If you have ever fallen up the stairs copy this into your profile
If you know someone who should be run over by a bus, copy this to your profile
If you have ever been so obsessed with something that now everyone is scared of you because of its effects copy this into your profile
If you have ever laughed maniacally, choked and/or gagged from lack of oxygen, and then fainted dramatically, copy and paste this onto your profile
If there are times when you wanna annoy people just for the heck of it, copy this into your profile.
If you ran up a "Down" escalator, copy this into your profile.
If you hate those obnoxious snobby people, PLEASE copy this into your profile.
If you believe PREPS TRAVEL IN PACKS, copy this into your profile.
If you believe that the pink bunnies of doom are really out to get you copy and paste this onto your profile
If you are crazed and proud of it copy and paste this onto your profile
If you have broke out in tears for no reason, and then laughed while still crying copy and paste this onto your profile!
If you hear voices in your head, copy and paste this onto your profile!
If you KNOW the voice in your head are real, copy and paste this onto your profile!
92 percent of the teen population would be dead if Abercrombie and Fitch or Hollister said it wasn't cool to breath anymore. Repost if your one if the 8 percent who would be laughing your butt off.
If someone has ever said something to you that had nothing to do with your current conversation, copy and paste this into your profile.
If you have ever mistaken a stick for a snake, copy and paste this into your profile.
If you have ever changed your password on something and forgotten it, copy and paste this into your profile.
If you have ever gotten a lock (like one on a locker) and put it on something, then forgot the combination, copy and paste this into your profile.
If you think that Sasuke from Naruto completely has to have the nick-name 'Chicken Butt Hair Dude', copy this to your profile while laughing your ass off.
If you think that those God-forsaken kids should just give that Trix rabbit some Trix then copy this onto your profile.
If you sometimes talk to yourself copy and paste this onto your profile.
Paste this in your profile if you know someone who is fighting, survived, or who died of a heart attack or heart disease.
Paste this in your profile if you're a procrastination addict.
If you hate those irritating mosquitoes giving you mosquito bites copy this in your profile.
If you hate those obnoxious preppy people PLEASE copy this in your profile.
If you and your friends have a nickname, title, or anything else for each other, copy and paste this in your profile.
If you've ever wondered what you are like in another dimension, copy and paste this in your profile.
Even when you can’t see him GOD is there! If you believe in GOD put this in your profile.
There's nothing wrong with arguing with yourself. It's when you argue with yourself and LOSE when it's weird. If you agree, copy this and put it in your profile.
If you don't watch Laguna Beach or the O.C. or The Hills religiously, never have, never will, and are proud of it, copy and paste this into your profile.
If you have a very wide range of interests, copy and paste this into your profile.
If you have ever tripped over air, copy this into your profile.
If you are a Shikamaru fan girl (or boy), copy and paste this into your profile.
Fuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuudge! If you are really random put this on your profile.
If you think that I think that you think that I think that you think that I am totally spazzing out right now with the 'If you thinks' copy this to your profile already!!
If you think that I'm making you think too much, copy this to your profile.
If you think that life without computers is useless, copy this to your profile.
If you think that this is too troublesome to read, copy this too profile.
If you have ever run into a wall while being total sugar high copy this into your profile.
If you have sibling(s) that drive you crazy then copy this onto your profile.
If your profile is longer than the chapters of most of your stories copy and paste this to your profile.
Ninety-five percent of the kids out there are unconcerned by the dismal state of their education, or the fact that their fanfiction is raping the English language. If you're part of the five percent of fanfiction writers/readers who do care about such things, cut and paste this, and then leave reviews for those poor souls who know not what they do.
MANLAW
The male equivalent of the 10 Commandments
1: Under no circumstances may two men share an umbrella.
2: It is OK for a man to cry ONLY under the following circumstances:
(a) When a heroic dog dies to save its master.
(b) The moment Angelina Jolie starts unbuttoning her blouse.
(c) After wrecking your boss’s car.
(d) One hour, 12 minutes, 37 seconds into “The Crying Game”.
(e) When she is using her teeth.
3: Any Man who brings a camera to a bachelor party may be legally killed and eaten by his buddies.
4: Unless he murdered someone in your family, you must bail a friend out of jail within 12 hours.
5: If you’ve known a guy for more than 24 hours, his sister is off limits forever unless you actually marry her.
6: Moaning about the brand of free beer in a buddy’s fridge is forbidden. However complain at will if the temperature is unsuitable.
7: No man shall ever be required to buy a birthday present for another man. In fact, even remembering your buddy’s birthday is strictly optional. At that point, you must celebrate at a strip bar of the birthday boy’s choice.
8: On a road trip, the strongest bladder determines pit stops, not the weakest.
9: When stumbling upon other guys watching a sporting event, you may ask the score of the game in progress, but you may never ask who’s playing.
10: You may flatulate in front of a woman only after you have brought her to climax. If you trap her head under the covers for the purpose of flatulent entertainment, she’s officially your girlfriend.
11: It is permissible to drink a fruity alcohol drink only when you’re sunning on a tropical beach… and it’s delivered by a topless model and only when it’s free.
12: Only in situations of moral and/or physical peril are you allowed to kick another guy in the nuts.
13: Unless you’re in prison, never fight naked.
14: Friends don’t let friends wear Speedos. Ever. Issue closed.
15: If a man’s fly is down, that’s his problem, you didn’t see anything.
16: Women who claim they “love to watch sports” must be treated as spies until they demonstrate knowledge of the game and the ability to drink as much as the other sports watchers.
17: A man in the company of a hot, suggestively dressed woman must remain sober enough to fight.
18: Never hesitate to reach for the last beer or the last slice of pizza, but not both, that’s just greedy.
19: If you compliment a guy on his six-pack, you’d better be talking about his choice of beer.
20: Never join your girlfriend or wife in discussing a friend of yours, except if she’s withholding sex pending your response.
21: Phrases that may NOT be uttered to another man while lifting weights:
a) Yeah, Baby, Push it!
b) C’mon, give me one more! Harder!
c) Another set and we can hit the showers!
22: Never talk to a man in a bathroom unless you are on equal footing: i.e., both urinating, both waiting in line, etc. For all other situations, an almost imperceptible nod is all the conversation you need.
23: Never allow a telephone conversation with a woman to go on longer than you are able to have sex with her. Keep a stopwatch by the phone. Hang up if necessary.
24: The morning after you and a girl who was formerly “just a friend” have carnal, drunken monkey sex, the fact that you’re feeling weird and guilty is no reason for you not to nail each other again before the discussion occurs about what a big mistake it was.
25: It is acceptable for you to drive her car. It is not acceptable for her to drive yours.
26: Thou shalt not buy a car in the colors of brown, pink, lime green, orange or sky blue.
27: The girl who replies to the question “What do you want for Christmas?” with “If you loved me, you’d know what I want!” gets an Xbox. End of story.
28: There is no reason for guys to watch Ice Skating or Men’s Gymnastics. Ever. We’ve all heard about people having guts or balls. But do you really know the difference between them? In an effort to keep you informed, the definition of each is listed below:
“GUTS” is arriving home late after a night out with the guys, being assaulted by your wife with a broom, and having the guts to say, “are you still cleaning or are you flying somewhere?”
“BALLS” is coming home late after a night out with the guys smelling of perfume and beer, lipstick on your collar, slapping your wife on the ass and having the balls to say, “You’re next!”
We hope this clears up any confusion,
The International Council of Manhood, Ltd.
The Laws of Anime Version 6.0
Originally compiled and edited by Darrin Bright and Ryan Shellito
1. Law of Metaphysical Irregularity
The normal laws of physics do not apply.
2. Law of Differentiated Gravitation
Whenever someone or something jumps, is thrown, or otherwise is rendered airborn, gravity is reduced by a factor of 4.
3. Law of Sonic Amplification, First Law of Anime Acoustics
In space, loud sounds, like explosions, are even louder because there is no air to get in the way.
4. Law of Constant Thrust, First Law of Anime Motion
In space, constant thrust equals constant velocity.
5. Law of Mechanical Mobility, Second Law of Anime Motion
The larger a mechanical device is, the faster it moves. Armored Mecha are the fastest objects known to human science.
6. Law of Temporal Variability
Time is not a constant. Time stops for the hero whenever he does something 'cool' or 'impressive'. Time slows down when friends and lovers are being killed and speeds up whenever there is a fight.
7. First Law of Temporal Mortality
'Good Guys' and 'Bad Guys' both die in one of two ways. Either so quick they don't even see it coming, OR it's a long drawn out affair where the character gains much insight to the workings of society, human existence or why the toast always lands butter side down.
8. Second Law of Temporal Mortality
It takes some time for bad guys to die... regardless of physical damage. Even when the 'Bad Guys' are killed so quickly they didn't even see it coming, it takes them a while to realize they are dead. This is attributed to the belief that being evil damages the Reality Lobe of the brain.
9. Law of Dramatic Emphasis
Scenes involving extreme amounts of action are depicted with either still-frames or black screens with a slash of bright color (usually red or white).
10, Law of Dramatic Multiplicity
Scenes that only happen once, for instance, a 'Good Guy' kicks the 'Bad Guy' in the face, are seen at least 3 times from 3 different angles.
11. Law of Inherent Combustability
Everything explodes. Everything.
First Corollary - Anything that explodes bulges first.
Second Corollary - Large cities are the most explosive substances known to human science. Tokyo in particular seems to be the most unstable of these cities, sometimes referred to as "The Matchstick City".
12. Law of Phlogistatic Emission
Nearly all things emit light from fatal wounds.
13. Law of Energetic Emission
There is alway an energy build up (commonly referred to as an energy 'bulge') before Mecha or space craft weapons fire. Because of the explosive qualities of weapons, it is believed that this is related to the Law of Inherent Combustability.
14. Law of Inverse Lethal Magnitude
The destructive potential of a weapon is inversly proportional to its size.
First Corollary - Small and cute will always overcome big and ugly. Also know as the A-Ko phenomenon.
15. Law of Inexhaustability
No one EVER runs out of ammunition. That is of course unless they are cornered, out-numbered, out-classed, and unconscious.
16. Law of Inverse Accuracy
The accuracy of a 'Good Guy' when operating any form of fire-arm increases as the difficulty of the shot increases. The accuracy of the 'Bad Guys' when operating fire-arms decreases when the difficulty of the shot decreases. (Also known as the Stormtrooper Effect)
Example: A 'Good Guy' in a drunken stupor being held upside down from a moving vehicle will always hit, and several battalions of 'Bad Guys' firing on a 'Good Guy' standing alone in the middle of an open field will always miss.
First Corollary - The more 'Bad Guys' there are, the less likely they will hit anyone or do any real damage.
Second Corollary - Whenever a 'Good Guy' is faced with insurmountable odds, the 'Bad Guys' line up in neat rows, allowing the hero to take them all out with a single burst of automatic fire and then escape.
Third Corollary - Whenever a 'Good Guy' is actually hit by enemy fire, it is in a designated 'Good Guy Area', usually a flesh wound in the shoulder or arm, which restricts the 'Good Guy' from doing anything more strenuous than driving, firing weaponry, using melee weapons, operating heavy machinery, or doing complex martial arts maneuvres.
17. Law of Transient Romantic Unreliability
Minmei is a bimbo.
18. Law of Hemoglobin Capacity
The human body contains over 12 gallons of blood, sometimes more, under high pressure.
19. Law of Demonic Consistency
Demons and other supernatural creatures have at least three eyes, loads of fangs, tend to be yellow-green or brown (but black is not unknown), and can only be hurt by bladed weapons.
20. Law of Militaristic Unreliability
Huge galaxy-wide armadas, entire armies, and large war-machines full of cruel, heartless, bloodthirsty warriors can be stopped and defeated with a single insignificant example of a caring/loving emotion or a song.
21. Law of Tactical Unreliability
Tactical geniuses aren't...
22. Law of Inconsequential Undetectability
People never notice the little things... Like missing body parts, or wounds the size of Seattle.
23. Law of Juvenile Intellectuality
Children are smarter than adults. And almost always twice as annoying.
24. Law of Americanthropomorphism
Americans in Anime appear in one of two roles, either as a really nasty skinny 'Bad Guy' or a big stupid 'Good Guy'.
First Corollary - The only people who are more stupid than the big dumb Americans are the American translators. (Sometimes referred to as the Green Line Effect.)
Second Corollary - The only people who are more stupid than the American translators are the American editors and censors.
25. Law of Mandibular Proportionality
The size of a person's mouth is directly proportional to the volume at which they are speaking or eating.
26. Law of Feline Mutation
Any half-cat/half-human mutation will invariably:
a) be female
b) will possess ears and sometimes a tail as a genetic mutation
c)and wear as little clothing as possible, if any.
27. Law of Conservation of Firepower
Any powerful weapon capable of destroying/defeating an opponent in a single shot will invariably be reserved and used only as a last resort.
28. Law of Technological User-Benevolence
The formal training required to operate a spaceship or mecha is inversely proportional to its complexity.
29. Law of Melee Luminescence
Any being displaying extremely high levels of martial arts prowess and/or violent emotions emits light in the form of a glowing aura. This aura is usually blue for 'good guys' and red for 'bad guys'. This is attributed to Good being higher in the electromagnetic spectrum than Evil.
30. Law of Non-anthropomorphic Antagonism
All ugly, non-humanoid alien races are hostile, and usually hell-bent on destroying humanity for some obscure reason.
31. Law of Follicular Chroma Variability
Any color in the visible spectrum is considered a natural hair color. This color can change without warning or explanation.
32. Law of Follicular Permanence
Hair in anime is pretty much indestructable, and can resist any amount of meteorological conditions, energy emissions, physical abuse, or explosive effects and still look perfect. The only way to hurt someone's hair is the same way you deal with demons... with bladed weapons!
33. Law of Topological Aerodynamics, First Law of Anime Aero-Dynamics
ANY shape, no matter how convoluted or odd-looking, is automatically aerodynamic.
34. Law of Probable Attire
Clothing in anime follows certain predictable guidelines.
--Female characters wear as little clothing as possible, regardless of whether it is socially or meteorologically appropriate. Any female with an excessive amount of clothing will invariably have her clothes ripped to shreds or torn off somehow. If there is no opportunity to tear off the afore-mentioned female's clothes, then she will inexplicably take a shower for no apparent reason (also known as the Gratuitous Shower Scene).
--Whenever there is a headwind, a Male characters will invariably wear a long cloak which doesn't hamper movement and billows out dramatically behind him.
First Corollary (Cryo-Adaptability) - All anime characters are resistant to extremely cold temperatures, and do not need to wear heavy or warm clothing in snow.
Second Corollary (Indecent Invulnerability) - Bikinis render the wearer invulnerable to any form of damage.
35. Law of Musical Omnipotence
Any character capable of musical talent (singing, playing an instrument, etc.) is automatically capable of doing much more "simple" things like piloting mecha, fighting crime, stopping an intergalactic war, and so on... especially if they have never attempted these things before.
36. Law of Quitupular Aggultination
Also called "The Five-man Rule," when "Good Guys" group together, it tends to be in groups of five. There are five basic positions, which are:
a) The Hero/Leader
b) His girlfriend
c) His Best Friend/Rival
d) A Hulking Brute
e) A Dwarf/Kid
Between these basic positions are distributed several attributes, which include:
--Extreme Coolness
--Amazing intelligence
--Incredible Irritation
37. Law of Extradimensional Capacitance
All anime females have an extradimensional storage space of variable volume somewhere on their person from which they can instantly retrieve any object at a moment's notice.
First Corollary (The Hammer Rule) - The most common item stored is a heavy mallet, which can be used with unerring accuracy on any male who deserves it. Other common items include costumes/uniforms, power suits/armor, and large bazookas.
38. Law of Hydrostatic Emission
Eyes tend to be rather large in Anime. This is because they contain several gallons of water, which may be instantaneously released at high pressure through large tear ducts. The actual volume of water contained in the eyes is unknown, as there is no evidence to suggest that these reservoirs are actually capable of running out. The reason water tends to collect in the eyes is because Anime characters only have one large sweat gland, which is located at the back of the head. When extremely stressed, embarrassed, or worried, this sweat gland exudes a single but very large drop of sebaceous fluid.
39. Law of Inverse Attraction
Success at finding suitable mates is inversely proportionate to how desperately you want to be successful. The more you want, the less you get.
First Corollary Unfortunately, this law seems to apply to Otaku in the real world...
40. Law of Nasal Sanguination
When sexually aroused, males in Anime don't get erections, they get nosebleeds. No one's sure why this is, though... the current theory suggests that larger eyes means smaller sinuses and thinner sinus tissue (see Law #38 above). Females don't get nosebleeds, but invariably get one heck of a blush along the cheeks and across the nose, suggesting a lot of bloodflow to that region.
41. Law of Xylolaceration
Wooden or bamboo swords are just as sharp as metal swords, if not sharper.
42. Law of Juvenile Omnipotence
Always send a boy to do a man's job. He'll get it done in half the time and twice the angst.
43. Law of Quadrotriscadecophobia
There is no Law #43.
44. Law of Nominative Clamovocation
The likelihood of success and damage done by a martial arts attack is directly proportional to the volume at which the full name of the attack is announced.
45. Law of Uninteruptable Metamorphosis
Regardless of how long or involved the transformation sequence or how many times they've seen it before, any 'Bad Guys' witnessing a mecha/hero/heroine transforming are too stunned to do anything to interrupt it.
46. Law of Flimsy Incognition
Simply changing into a costume or wearing a teensy mask can make you utterly unrecognizable to even your closest friends and relatives.