STOP! Before you read any further I must insist you check out Madeleinejade's 'Against the Odds: When Lies Once Told Bite Back' at http://www.fanfiction.net/s/5291217/1/

She is my part time beta when I bother to consult her, ensuring that my grammar and spelling is up to scratch, makes sure I write in language understandable to all you Americans out there and keeps me sane. The aforementioned fic is, I am honoured to say, the one she's letting me beta for her.

Oh, for those of you who speak french, Lex Lina was amazing enough to translate my story 'A Suitable Angel'. http://www.fanfiction.net/s/5729397/1/Un_Ange_Parfait

Now, onto my profile proper:

“Abandon all hope ye who enter here.”

Hello my little kittens, chapattis and samboosas. You are the delight of my existence. Unless, of course, you are here to insult and malign me. In which case the kittens are the mangy, one-eyed sort with fleas. The chapattis are overly oily (not necessarily an immediate evil but one which will give you heart failure down the line). And the samboosas are both oily and filled with vegetables, the sort I find particularly abhorrent though there are no doubt some people who love them dearly.

As you can see, I am a rather strange person. More on that later.

However, while on the subject of criticism (yes, we were there for a brief moment) I wish to make a little statement.

What is my standpoint on people criticising me and my writing? (This only applies only to me mind you)

Feel free.

Seriously! Go ahead! Be as creative or as vulgar as you like. If you want to call me (censored in the case any innocents actually DO find their way to my page), use your imagination do it! The greatest insult is if no one can be bothered to comment.

But please, please, I am begging you, leave it signed. I don’t care if it’s constructive criticism or the most damning piece of obscenity that you can think up. I will take the time to read it and reply. Honestly. I am very good at handling it.

But what drives me absolutely up the freaking wall is when I get a flame or a criticism and it’s anonymous.

Gah, I think I’m going to add that word to my hate-list. It can go in front of ‘T’ for taxes.

But seriously, some of the best constructive criticism I have ever received was from anonymous people. If you don’t have an account could you at least say that so I don’t start chewing the carpet in frustration?

It’s not so bad with the non-criticism reviews. Those you can address in the A/N and not feel like you’re being snide and horrible. Criticism and flames (these two are not synonymous by the way) should be addressed privately because, frankly, I don’t think either party wants to invite the attention of all and sundry.

Don’t worry about me reporting, blocking or maligning you. If you’ve been kind enough, or brave enough, to review my story –even negatively- I’m not about to punish that. I promise to be as kind and courteous as is possible for me (you’d be surprised at how polite I am at times) because even if your words are rude and disrespectful you actually respected me enough to give me an avenue by which to reply. If you criticised me then thank you! You took the time to tell me how I could do better and/or what I’m doing wrong. What more could a girl ask for?

Yeah, so that was my ‘little’ statement. Thanks for reading it.

OMG! After all that I have failed to introduce myself. -slaps forehead-

Hey! I'm Phantom.

I'm an amazing person, great at everything, not a single fault...

-someone throws a tomato at me-

Ok OKAY! I might be a little lazy on occasion...

-AND she's a terrible author, she's inconsistent and...-

(shutuphutupshutup)

-cough- anyway, I read a lot of fanfiction and I try to review as much as possible. Despite all that I've written on the subject of criticism I find that my reviews are generally very encouraging.

And unless there's something wrong with the system I always leave signed reviews. Always.

Generally I prefer the vampire stuff to all human fics but I read those too.

Hi peeps. Are you still there? Wow. You read through all that? I'm not sure whether I laugh at you or commend you.