"If it didn't come from the heart, then it isn't art." - Unknown, would be appreciated if someone told me who said this.

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(Warning: Rants and insulting comments ahoy! Read at your own risk)

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About Me:

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Birthday: April 21

Nicknames:

Fig (given by my RP friends. Yes, I realize it's also fruit.)

Figment (Seems more like a formal nickname if anything. Don't know why)

MUF (Hoo-rah for acronyms!)

Muffin (Given by Mommaleasey)

Fig Muffin (I don't remember who called me that.)

Muffy (Given by Jackndaxluver)

Pairings: I'll read just about any pairing. I prefer impossible ones, especially between personality-clashing characters (I'm not sure if I believe in opposites attract, but it sure is intresting to read about).

How I Act: I can be a real bitch sometimes, especially to some kinds of people. I try to be polite, but it can't be helped at times. I would like to see myself as tolerant, but that's not completely true. According to personality tests, I'm mentally 58 (I'm not telling my age, but that's WAY off).

My beliefs: I'm a Christian, mostly a Quaker as I believe Church and Bibles are not necessary for Heaven. Heck, I don't even believe religion makes any difference in God's eyes. I do not believe God favors people by their beliefs, orientation, gender, color, titles or anything else. I hate it when Christians are seen as evil, religious freaks who want nothing more than to rule the world with an iron fist and I hate it even more when people automaticly think their good because of their religion. Religion doesn't equal good people, if it did they'er would be a lot less assholes.

How my reviews work:

I almost always have a 'Typos/Errors" or "T&E" section part of my review. Basically, I'll tell the author all the typos or errors I have found so that they can fix them. This is quite a pain and usually the author doesn't do anything to fix them. Or worse, they complain to me about this.

For specially good stories, I'll quote certain scenes and lines and say what I like about them. I try to keep this short, and I don't do this much.

After that, the review itself comes. I'll say all the problems I have with the fic first (usually), then I say what I like about the story or chapter as a whole. I try to give concrit in every story and/or chapter I read, and rarely I read a story I couldn't concrit. Due to this, people tend to react badly to my reviews. Fortunatly, it only seems to be the author of particularly bad stories that respond to me rudely.

My thoughts on flames and concrit:

Rather you like it or not, flames are still opinions and should be listened to. Concrit is advice that should be listened to even more.

Without either, people may never know what's wrong with their stories. Yes, both can be harsh, but it doesn't mean that they don't know what their talking about. These people took their time to give their thoughts on your story, that you posted, that you should've known full well that not everyone will like it. So it's downright rude to complain about these kind of reviews.

As I've heard someone say before, one constructive review is worth a hundred "This is good, update!".

I'd prefer people to give concrit over flaming, but I won't go beserk over it.

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-----Helpful Links----

As the section title says, these are links that I think will help improve someone's writing.

http://www.fanfiction.net/forum/The_Furnace/30302/ This is created by Flame Rising. This is where I figured out that 'grammar' isn't spelt 'grammer' and the difference between 'your' and you're'. It has all kinds of advice from many good writers. It's best to take a look when you have the time.

http://www.spellcheck.net/ As the title says, it's a free online spell checker.

http://www.yourdictionary.com/ The main page explains just about everything you need to know about it.

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----People I want to thank----

blaqksilence, who provided me the link to Spellcheck.net.

animexshadow007-.-, who gave me the link to Yourdictionary.

Everyone who posted advice at The Furnace.

My role playing friends (you know who you are ;)), for without them, I wouldn't of been able to devolp many kinds of characterst that I have made. They were my first friends on Fnet, and the best friends in my life. Even if I've never met them in reality, I value that we can talk about anything with out fear, which is more than I can say about any kind of friend that I've made in real life. Also with out them, I wouldn't of been able to see some characters in a different light, and there for wouldn't adore them like I do now.

There is one RP friend that I haven't seen in a while though. I miss him very much and hope to see, er, text talk to him again soon. He convinced me to be less of a prude too, gotta thank him for that. I could barely say 'damn' before I met him.

I suck at sappy speeches, but all in all, thanks you guys. :)

Mistress Blood, one of my favorite authors and a damn good person to boot. She helped me see the problems in my story Stupid, which motivated me to perfect it. Considering that story is the only one I have left that I can take real pride in, this means a lot to me.

Mommaleasey, who opened my eyes to things I used to bitch and moan about. Now I bitch and moan about them less often. :) In all seriousness, I'm now more tolerant to certian kinds of characters and pairings thanks to her. She also inspired me to write Stupid, my pride and joy in writing. PS, thanks for the nickname. XD

Of course, I appreciate all my reviewers, especially the ones who offer much-needed concrit.

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---About my stories

As I've said earlier, the only real story that I have pride in is Stupid, as ironic as that is considering the title describes my feelings to my earlier works. Which I'll talk about now.

Deal's A Deal: If you have high story standards, then avoid this like the plague. It's not low self-esteem talking here, I'm perfectly serious about this. This story was written before I knew how to spell 'grammar' correctly. The only thing keeping me from deleting this, are the people who still like it. I know I said I wouldn't, but I'm abandoning this fic. It isn't worth continuing. I may rewrite it someday, but not anytime soon so don't get your hopes up.

Original Copy: I can take some pride into this, but I still made stupid desicions with this that I'm embaressed about.

A Hero Named Jersey: This must be rewritten. I know I claimed that I thought this story through, but now I realized how badly written this is. Fortunatly, I only posted the first chapter. When I remake it, the old version will be deleted. For now, as I said about the first story, avoid it like the plague.

I'm Just A Prototype: Not my best, not my worst. That's about all I can say about it. Though I'd like to point out something funny, I accidently uploaded A Deal's A Deal instead of the correct file a long time ago. I'm still trying to figure out how I managed that.

Stupid: My best story in my opinion, considering writing a sequel titled 'Brillant'.

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---Things I want to improve on in my writing---

I have great difficulty in writing fight scenes. This is a pain because I have many violent characters.

I can't describe emotions well, which is very off-putting considering I hope to write emotional stories.

I'm still prude-ish, so writing dirty-minded characters is difficult for me, as with suggestive themes. I haven't even written about anyone kissing yet. :P

I would love to hear advice on how to improve these things, anything really.

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---Pet Peeves About Fanfiction---

When people complain to me about what a flamer I am. I have never flamed a story, only critic. I have only said my honest opinion and try my best to give advice. If you can't handle that, then maybe you shouldn't write at all.

I'm so sick of seeing those damn text bunnies. I don't care if they have cookies, they annoy me!

When people complain too much about canon. You know, the types who reviews like "This would never happen!" well, guess what? It's Fanfiction, there are many different reasons for writing it. One, at least for me, is to put our favorite characters in a situation they would never be in. I read fanficion because I think fanficion can flesh out characters better than the canon could (if the story is good). If the stories are exactly like the canon, I'll just watch the damn canon, because there's no fun in that! Or play it if it's a game...or read it if it's a book...you get what I mean.

Besides, as long as the story captures the character's essence and has reason for them to act OOC, then I won't care that their acting off.

Speaking of which, I'm getting sick of people complaing about pairings! Let people like what they like, and live with it! If you don't like the pairing, don't read about it. Simple. Most stories give warnings, so it's your own damn fault if you read it. Complaining about a pairing will never make it go away, because there always will be a fan of it who will continue.

That's the way it is, give over it.

When people overexagerate. In this case, I mean words. Like when a character is saying something longer than the rest. Example:

"Hellloooooooo!" It's not like it's necessarily a bad thing, it's just a bit annoying when they over do it. Like to the point where it stretches the page. I admit, I used to be a lot worse about it and would complain in my reviews. I'll refrian from doing that now.

When people spell 'grammar' wrong. I used to do this a lot, so I won't scream at you about it. But if I see a summary that says "I have bad grammer", I'll probably stay away because they proved it before I even clicked on the story.

Chat speak. Do I even need to say anything?

I hate when people preach over reviews. I swear I'm not making this up, there is someone spamming stories talking about savlation and all that crud. Look people, the review thing isn't for religious discussion. It's for reviewing the story. Using it for any other purpose is just idiotic.

I can't stand how people are mangling the English langauge. Or how peopel are speaking Wapanese these days. Look people, if you're not good at your native language, don't mess with the others. People are more likely to be annoyed that you're switching between languages in the same sentence, than be impressed that you know what 'kawaii' means.

Song fics. They'er not aloud, they'er mostly being used as a poor excuse to make stories look longer, are even poorer excuses to make a story seem emotional, and are all around annoying. I'm sick of seeing Bring Me To Life fics and I'm sure Amy Lee (or the whole band) would be clawing her eyes out if she saw how stories are degrading her art.

Don't get me wrong, I have read good songfics. Writing a good songfic isn't impossible, but it is a rare talent.

When people say "But I'm only 10/11/12/13/14 ect.!" when responding to concrit. Uh, hello, if you're younger than 13, you shouldn't be here. If you're 13, you should know the basic rules of grammar! Age is no excuse, and using it as an excuse is both degrading and stupid. Not only did these people just said that they would never be able to write well because of age, but they insulted everyone in their age group. I swear, I will go apeshit if someone gives me this horrible excuse. I will not hold back and you're going to thank your lucky stars that we'll never meet in real life because I would smack the hell out of you if we did.

Don't use your age as an excuse. Simple. This is the main reason why I refuse to give my gender and age away on my profile.

I hate how I can't double space my profile, so now I have to put those '-' things so that this page won't be bunched up.

I hate how the staff don't seem to take reports seriously anymore, or are deleting for the dumbest reasons. Not trying to offend them, just telling from what I've seen.

I hate how I can't figure out how to copy and paste in my profile. This is a damn pain, as you can see from my copy&paste list.

I hate seeing horrible summaries. I mean, sometimes the author doesn't even try: "Sry, i cant think of a summery R&R PLZ NO FLAMES!" Seriously, is this supposed to make me want to read your story? Or how about "I wrote this when I was drunk, R&R and no flames" dammit, it doesn't even say anything about the story.

When people put 'no flames' in their profiles. Pfft, like you have a choice in what kind of reviews you get. If anything, you're going to attract more flamers that way. Besides, if you felt such an irresistable urdge to put 'no flames' in your summary, then you must know your story sucks some what.

Real authors should accept any kind of review. If you can't, don't post the story where everyone can see it.

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-------Copy&Paste crap (you won't find any bunnies in here!)-----

If Jesus Christ is your Lord and Savior,and you want everyone who sees your profile to know, copy and paste this into your profile.

If you don't accept Jesus Christ as your lord and savior, nothing bad will happen to you! All God asks is you to be good and kinf to people. You don't have to believe in Him, or anybody you don't want. Just love! If you're one of the people who realizes all you need is love, then copy and paste this into your profile. (funny how I put it right next to the other Jesus-related c&p)

If you love God with your whole heart and are 100 percent proud of it, copy & paste this in your profile.

Even if you can't see him, God is there. And he doesn't hate you for not seeing it! If you believe in God and the beauty of the world, put this in your profile. (Wow, my profile is so preachy. :P)

If you hate selfish, racist, homophobic, biased assholes, put this in your profile!

If you hate it when people put "copy and paste things in their profile" GO FUCK YOURSELF YOU NITPICKY FREAK.

If you RP, copy this into your profile.

A few spelling and grammar mistakes is fine, but if you know someone who isn't even trying, and you're mad about it, copy and paste this into your profile.

If you actully remeber Jersey Devil and like it, copy this into your profile. list of fans: There's only me appearently. :/

This about a little girl who was abused, if you care copy and paste this in your profile

My name is sarah, I am but three. My eyes are swollen, I cannot see.

I must be stupid, I must be bad.

What else could have made my daddy so mad?

I wish I were better. I wish I weren't ugly.

Then maybe my mommy would still want to hug me.

I can't speak at all. I can't do a wrong.

Or else I'm locked up all the day long.

When I awake I'm all alone.

The house is dark.

My folks aren't home.

When my mommy does come I'll try and be nice,.

So maybe I'll get just one whipping tonight.

Don't make a sound! I just heard a car.

My daddy is back from Charlie's Bar.

I hear him curse, my name he calls.

I press myself against the wall.

I try and hide from his evil eyes

I'm so afraid now, I'm sradishing to cry.

He finds me weeping, he shouts ugly words.

He says its my fault that he suffers at work.

He slaps me and hits me and yells at me more.

I finally get free and I run for the door.

He's already locked it and I sradish to bawl.

He takes me and throws me against the hard wall.

I fall to the floor with my bones nearly broken.

And my daddy continues with more bad words spoken.

"I'm sorry!", I scream.

But its now much too late.

His face has been twisted into unimaginable hate.

The hurt and the pain.

Again and again.

Oh please God, have mercy! Oh please let it end!

And he finally stops and heads for the door,

While I lay there motionless, sprawled on the floor.

My name is Sarah and I am but three,

Tonight my daddy,

Murdered me.

child abuse, MAKE IT STOP!

I admit I changed the poem a little to make my profile shorter (all the words are still there). I don't know who made it, but I comend them for making such a heart-wrenching copy&paste.

I think I over did it with the list...

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I think that's all I wanted to say. Thanks for reading all that crap and have a nice day.