To those who read my story, Dormin's Curse, I'd like to offer a bit of an apology for such a long, unannounced hiatus. I am working on multiple projects currently, but rest assured that the next chapter is in the makings. I can't promise an update time, but it won't be long.

HOW JACK & FRIENDS STOLE CHRISTMAS

[I do not own the tune, nor the original idea for this song. Characters Jack the Ripper, Revenant, Siren and Michael all belong to me, and are from my fanfiction 'Angel Beats! Ascension'.]

The auditorium was filled with people, laughing and talking to each other. A full-scale assembly like this hadn't happened in the Afterlife in over twenty years.
Suddenly, a hush fell over the Programs. Kenzan Isozaki, also known as Jack the Ripper, stepped upon the stage. Siren and Revenant moved up beside him, silently watching the crowd. Jack cleared his throat, then began.

"How I stole Christmas; listen and hear.
It began with the students cowering in fear."

At this, the three pulled out sidearms, waving them at the crowd. The Programs screamed, but - thinking it was just an act - were secretly excited and didn't leave their seats.

"As I reached for the trigger, to my delight,
sleigh bells sang throughout the night."

A very disgruntled Michael flew over the stage, beating his angel wings as he jingled a series of bells. "God, I hate you so much." he growled as the students cheered about the 'special effects'.

"'Aha!' cried I, lending an ear.
'My time has come; Christmas is here!'
Excitement growing, thoughts most malevolent,
who should appear but my good friend Revenant?
'Ripper, my friend!' cried he, hands stained red.
'Were those bells that I heard? Shall Christmas be dead?'
'All in due time.' I replied with a grin.
'Siren will never guess where we've been!'"

Siren made a mockingly angry face at Jack and Revenant, crossing her arms as the two acted like they were plotting something. The students laughed, pointing at Siren and taking pictures. "You'd better not kill Christmas without me." she mumbled.

"Leaving that place, students still shaking,
we followed the bells. What a noise they were making!
We hastily followed. 'Santa is quick!'
As all the world slept, on the Eve of St. Nick.
But what they didn't know, couldn't possibly guess,
Rev and I knew how to make it a mess.
'Grab the Remmy, and the Ithica too!'
Revenant grabbed them; our plan, he knew,
was to awake the children. Amidst their dismay,
Santa would come to save the day.
'Out of bed, kids!' shouted I, shotgun pumping.
My gun now sighted, their feet came out jumping.
Revenant laughed, a quite hollow sound.
'Good little children. Onto the ground!'
As my friend dealt with brats, I moved to the tree.
My foot on the base, I counted. 'One, two, three!'
A kick, a shove; that's all that it was.
But it sent the tree sprawling, the children abuzz.
'Our tree!' cried Susie, her face stained with tears.
'Without it, Santa might miss us this year!'"
'Perish the thought.' I assured her quite kindly.
'Santa does not just follow trees blindly.'
'If he did, the hunt would have ended. Right?'
'Revenant, our prey is Christmas night!'
With a 'Ho ho ho!' Santa appeared from the blue.
And with each 'ho', his great belly grew.
'Jack and his friend, you've both been quite naughty!'
I didn't like Santa; he sounded quite haughty.
'Jolly old Nick, we sincerely regret
we must now use your head as a bullet net.'
Ithica flashed, the children screamed.
Santa fell, his head split at the seam.
With giddy delight, we scaled the house fast
and found Santa's sleigh. 'Aha, at last!'
The reindeer learned quick, they followed our rules.
Because if they didn't, we were quite cruel.
To each home we went, collecting kids' gifts.
If we'd seen the Grinch, we'd have given a lift.
As the night slowly dwindled, gifts all collected,
I imagined the children come morning, dejected.
'We've done well, Revenant. On this night, by the stars,
and all over Earth, Christmas is ours!'

Jack and Revenant raised their hands over their heads, bellowing and laughing as the students recoiled in mock horror. Then, swiftly, the three on stage turned their guns on the crowd.

With a series of bangs, the deed was done. All Programs lay with their entrails undone. Jack holstered his pistol, his mission achieved.

"By the gods, Revenant, I love Christmas Eve."

My Ongoing Stories:

Angel Beats! Ascension (Angel Beats!)

Set following the alternative epilogue. It seems that history is destined to repeat itself, even in the land of the dead. The new SSSR continues the battle of their predecessors, fighting a war against God to acquire their happiness. But things are not as they seem in the Afterlife; a new player calling himself Jack the Ripper and a strange girl below the ground are determined to raise hell for the SSSR.

Dormin's Curse (Shadow of the Colossus)

Taking something is easy. Replacing it is very hard. Especially when replacing it includes bargaining with an unholy god. What happened after Wander's reincarnation? And where did the Colossi originate? One adventure ends. Another begins. Taking requests for custom Colossi.

Left 4 Dead 3: The Other Side (Left 4 Dead) [On Hiatus]

In this tale, you'll find more than just stories of survival. You'll find out what is behind the motives of the infected, how they interact with each other. Have a look, won't you? - Dr. Gerald Cobalt

Inuyasha Jeopardy (Inuyasha) [On Indefinite Hiatus]

A sort of add-on to Inuyasha Truth or Dare, where I ask the questions and Inuyasha characters answer them! Everyone from my Truth or Dare fic and more can participate, so come on down! Read and review please! Updates are delayed, but I'm working on it!

My Completed Stories:

The Legend of Zelda: The Teleport Button (The Legend of Zelda)

This is the funniest fanfic I've ever done. Oneshot, self-insert.

Inuyasha Truth or Dare LinkLord Style! (Inuyasha)

Come here and submit ideas! All the InuYasha characters do the will of me and a select few friends. Come and submit new dares, questions, etc. ! We all love to see these losers squirm, so come and enjoy! Read and review, please!

The Blood of Gods (Cloverfield)

When Clover attacks, Verakka and friends go throughout Manhattan to see what's going on and meet the main characters in the movie. But Clover won't go down without a fight. Can the united group bring down a giant? Read and review, please! Self-insert.

Quotes:

I'm slipping, I'm sliding, with the hedge I'm colliding.

One of us will fall. The rest will point and laugh.

I tripped over the dog, knocked my head against the wall, ricocheted across the room, banged into the couch, rolled off of the couch taking the blanket with me, hit the floor and continued rolling, and came to a halt with the blanket over my head...this happened in all of 20 seconds. Good morning to me.

When I was a little kid, my imaginary friend played with the kid across the street.

I'll believe Yu-Gi-Oh is dangerous when I see kung-fu fighting Telli-tubbies.

I am Ash Ketchup, from Mustard Town!

My personality is addictive. Don't believe me? That's your problem now.

Money isn't everything, and you'd better know it. Now video games, THAT'S an entirely different story...

When Temari gets mad, she whines to Kankuro. When Kankuro gets mad, he whines to Gaara. When Gaara gets mad, people DIE.

When in doubt, nuke it 'til it stops moving.

When life hands you lemons, throw them back and demand chocolate.

Nobody can deny it: Sesshomaru is in fact the Lord of All Things Fluffy.

Since when is blood blue?

Selphie is wierd. Tifus is hyper. Wakka is retarded. Riku is cool. Kairi is funny. Sora...isn't.

"Why don't you just give up?!" "I never really learned how to!"

"Hey! Why don't you give us a handicap?!" "Is that another word for 'coffin'?"

Life, is like God's way of kicking your sorry ass out of heaven and yelling, "AND DON'T COME BACK!!"

Death, is like God's way of dragging you back up to heaven by your collar, mumbling, "Okay, I think you've done enough damage..."

You do not need a parachute to skydive. You only need a parachute to sky dive TWICE.

A black cat crossing your path signifies that the animal is going somewhere.

"If you don't like my driving then stay off the sidewalk!"

Logic has a brother. His name is SHUT THE HELL UP!!

There are no stupid questions; only stupid people.

Time is a great teacher, but unfortunately it kills all its pupils...

It's true that we don't know what we've got until we lose it, but it's also true that we don't know what we've been missing until it arrives.

Never take life seriously. Nobody gets out alive anyway.

What you call dog with no legs?
Don't matter what you call him, he ain't gonna come.

I told the doctor I broke my leg in two places. He told me to quit going to those places.

A computer once beat me at chess, but it was no match for me at kick boxing.

Worst excuse for not turning in homework: I couldn't find anyone to copy it from.

I have gone out to find myself. If I should return before I get back, please ask me to wait.

I got lost in thought. It was an unfamiliar territory.

I know you are, but what is he?!

What do you mean, my birth certificate expired?

He who laughs last didn't get it.

Everyone has photographic memory; some just don't have the film.

If you die in an elevator, be sure to push the Up button.

There is a fine line between fishing and just standing on the shore like an idiot.

The road to success is always under construction.

Car service: If it ain't broke, we'll break it.

In God we trust; all others must pay cash.

If at first you don't succeed, redefine success.

If at first you don't succeed, skydiving is not for you.

Guy pulls into a handicapped spot, nothing's wrong with him! So I RAN HIS ASS OVER. I made an honest man out of him! Then his mom gets out and starts swinging her crutches at me! ...took her out with the door.

This is a quantum car. I don't know where I am, but I'm going really fast.

If it's a penny for your thoughts, and you put your two-cents in, what happens to the other penny?

I think animal testing is a terrible idea; they get all nervous and give the wrong answers.

A penny saved is ridiculous.

I have a dream where chickens can cross the road without having their motives questioned.

When I was born I was so surprised I didn't talk for a year and a half.

As you get older three things happen. The first is your memory goes, and I can't remember the other two...

Humor is just another defense against the universe.

If love is the answer, could you rephrase the question?

In view of the fact that God limited the intelligence of man, it seems unfair that he did not also limit his stupidity.

Half of the people in the world are below average.

If you don't know where you are going, you will wind up somewhere else!

I could tell that my parents hated me. My bath toys were a toaster and a radio.

"Health is merely the slowest possible rate at which one can die."

My friend: "I like pigs. Dogs look up to us. Cats look down on us. Pigs treat us as equals." Me: "Y'know, there's a reason for that."

A clear conscience is usually the sign of a bad memory.

"You're slower than a herd of turtles stampeding through peanut butter."

I'm desperately trying to figure out why kamikaze pilots wore helmets.

"USA Today has come out with a new survey: Apparently three out of four people make up 75 percent of the population."

All those who believe in telekinesis, raise my hand.

"Operator! Give me the number for 911!"

I haven't reported my missing credit card to the police because whoever stole it is spending less than my wife.

There are three kinds of people: Those who can count and those who can't!

"A good lawyer knows the law; a clever one takes the judge to lunch."

In primitive society, when native tribes beat the ground with clubs and yelled, it was called witchcraft; today, in civilized society, it is called golf.

An optimist will tell you the glass is half-full; the pessimist, half-empty; and the engineer will tell you the glass is twice the size it needs to be.

My friend: That's all folks! Me: But you didn't say anything.

Restricted to unauthorized personnel.

Keep your eyes on the road and stop reading these signs.

Hello. May we pick your nose?

Shoes are required to eat in the cafeteria. Socks can eat any place they want.

Open seven days a week and weekends.

If you can't read this, it's time to wash your car.

If you can read this, please pull me out of the snow.

If you cannot read, this leaflet will tell you how to get lessons.

Intruders will be shot. Survivors will be shot again.

We can repair anything. (Please knock hard — bell out of order.)

Take notice: when this sign is under water, this road is impassable.

No trespassing without permission.

7 days without pizza makes one Weak.

Visitors are expected to complain at the office between the hours of 9 and 11 daily.

The lift is being fixed for the next day. During that time we regret that you will be unbearable.

You are invited to take advantage of the chambermaid.

English well talking. Here speeching American.

Buckle up... it makes it harder for the aliens to suck you out of your car

There are 2 types of pedestrians, the quick and the dead.

If you can read this, I didn't hit you hard enough.

BAD COP! - NO DONUT!!

Black holes are where God divided by zero.

Cleverly Disguised As A Responsible Adult

Death is life's way of telling you you're fired.

Do not meddle in the affairs of dragons, for you are crunchy and good with ketchup.

Abandon the search for Truth; settle for a good fantasy.

Don't drink to drown your sorrow. Sorrow knows how to swim.

Don't make me go medieval on you.

FOLLOW THAT CAR, GODZILLIA -- AND STEP ON IT!!

If assholes could fly, this would be an airport.

Gravity is a myth. The Earth sucks.

Guys: No Shirt, No Service -- Gals: No Shirt, No Charge

He’s Not Dead, He’s Electroencephalographically-Challenged

My Friend: "Honk if I'm Jesus!" Me: "Quack." My friend: "You didn't honk." Me: "That's the idea, dumbass!"

Don't worry! This will only hurt a lot!

How may I ignore you today?

I haven't suffered any dain bramage.

I'll get as want as I drunk to be!

I swear to drunk, I'm not God!

I don't suffer from insanity; I enjoy every minute of it!

I have an attitude and I'm not afraid to use it.

I missed you, but my aim is getting better.

"That was 2 1/2 hours of my life I won't be getting back." "Yeah, that was basically 2 1/2 hours of I COULD BE ASLEEP RIGHT NOW!"

Any problem on earth can be solved with careful application of explosives.

"That cat is a walking question mark." - Roxas, talking about the Cheshire Cat

"If they're in High School, why do they seem like they're in Jr. High or Kindergarten?" "Because the Japanese want to fuck with us." - A comment-convo about a video on Youtube, the video in question is an english dub of the anime 'Lucky Star'.

MY BIG BROTHER'S QUOTES:

"Open your not pants!" - ...he said this one Christmas when he wanted pants for Christmas.

"PANTS! HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!" - Said on the same day as the other one, but after I received pajama pants as a gift.

"Man make fire for to cook meat." - I forgot when he said this, actually.

"I need shotgun for because bullets." - He said this when grabbing an auto-shotgun in Left 4 Dead 2.

"AAAAH! MANY ZOMBIES! SHOOT THEM! SHOOT THE ZOMBIES!" - His first time playing Left 4 Dead.

"I have bullets! (gunshots)" - Another L4D2 quote.

"AH, BALLS!" - Said whenever he messes up in a game.

Copy all of that into your profile if you thought it was funny.