Hello

I like:

The Dresden Files, Harry Potter, Artemis Fowl, Naruto, Watchmen

Death Note, Barry Trotter (fun!), X-Men, Barthimäus, Fullmetal Alchemist,

Dragon Ball (Z/GT), One Piece, Shaman King, Bleach, Fairy Cube, Hikaru no Go, Psych,

KKJ, Detective Conan, Yu-Gi-Oh!, Slayers, Cat´s eye, Special Unit 2, Dr. House, Monk,

Buffy, Charmed (season 1 to 7 only!), 4400, Surface,Desprate Housewives, Hellsing, Supernatural etc.

Something important...I´m a 18 years old girl from Germany,

have one brother and two sisters and go to school to take my A-Level.

I love Splatter, Horror, Thriller, blood, violence...

(in movies, comics and books!)

Hair: blond, shoulder lengths ( a little bit longer now)

Eye: blue

Tall: 174cm

If you have any questions, ask me

Controversial Issues:

1) Being gay is not natural. Real Americans always reject unnatural things like eyeglasses, polyester, liposuction and air conditioning.

2) Gay marriage will encourage people to be gay, in the same way that hanging around tall people will make you tall.

3) Legalizing gay marriage will open the door to all kinds of crazy behavior. People may even wish to marry their pets because a dog has legal standing and can sign a marriage contract.

4) Straight marriage has been around a long time and hasn't changed at all; women are still property, blacks still can't marry whites, and divorce is still illegal.

5) Straight marriage will be less meaningful if gay marriage were allowed; the sanctity of Brittany Spears' 55-hour just-for-fun marriage would be destroyed.

6) Straight marriages are valid because they produce children. Gay couples, infertile couples, and old people shouldn't be allowed to marry because our orphanages aren't full yet, and the world needs more children.

7) Obviously gay parents will raise gay children, since straight parents only raise straight children.

8) Gay marriage is not supported by religion. In a theocracy like ours, the values of one religion are imposed on the entire country. That's why we have only one religion in America.

9) Children can never succeed without a male and a female role model at home. That's why we as a society expressly forbid single parents to raise children.

10) Gay marriage will change the foundation of society; we could never adapt to new social norms. Just like we haven't adapted to cars, the service-sector economy, or longer life spans... Re-post this if you believe in legalizing gay marriage

If you refuse to believe that the Harry Potter pairings revealed after the end of the series are true, copy and paste this into your profile.

If you've ever copied and pasted something onto your profile, copy and paste this onto your profile.

If you've ever wondered what you are like in another dimension, copy and paste this in your profile.

If you have ever had a mad laughing fit for absolutely no reason, copy and paste this into your profile.

If you think that being unique is better than being cool then put this on your profile.

If you think that life without computers is useless then copy this to your profile.

Normal by it's own definition does not exist. If you believe this, copy and paste in your profile.

If you ever forgotten what you were talking about in a conversation copy and paste this into your profile.

98 percent of teenagers do or has tried smoking pot. If you're one of the 2 percent who hasn't, copy and paste this into your profile.

If you think that those stupid kids should just give that annoying Trix rabbit some Trix, copy this into your profile.

If you haven't died yet, copy and paste this onto your profile.

If you've ever wished you could go into a book and strangle some of the characters for being so incredibly dumb, copy and paste this into your profile.

If your profile is long, copy and paste this on it to make it even longer.

Weird is good, strange is bad, and odd is when you don't know which to call someone. Weird is the same as different, which is the same as unique, than weird is good. If you are weird and proud of it, copy this onto your profile!

Too many kids and teenagers have smoked or tried marijuana. If you haven't, copy and paste this onto your profile.

If you are obsessed with fanfiction copy this into your profile

If you are Harry Potter obsessed, copy this into your profile and add your name: Ga Nat Nat, Evil Older Sister, Frozenfan, Emerald Bear, Kyprioths Shadow, Itzika, xXDeidara-chanXx

SomeFun Quotes:

Never underestimate the power of stupid people in large groups.

Quote of the Week: Do not meddle in the affairs of slashers, for you are cute and go well with other men.

Never knock on Death's door... ring the bell and run away... he hates that.

Everyone rises to their level of incompetence. (Laurence J. Peter)

Someone's boring me. I think it's me. (Dylan Thomas)

Sorry I couldn't make it to church--I was busy practicing witchcraft.

Equality is a myth. Women are better.

Your face is like the sun--not because it is beautiful, but because I can only look at it for a minute.

Warning: Trespassers will be shot
Warning: Survivors will be shot again.

It's tourist season, so why can't I shoot them?

You say you dislike me, but deep down, you know you hate me.

That which doesn't kill you...will probably try again.

I'm not tense. I'm just terribly, terribly alert.

God did not create men and women equal...don't worry; give him time, and he'll evolve.

If at first you don't succeed, destroy all evidence that you tried.

If at first you do succeed, try not to look too astonished.

This is not something to be tossed aside lightly. It should be thrown, with great force.

He's not dead; he's electroencephalographically challenged.

For sale: Parachute. Only used once, never opened, small stain.

Always remember you're unique...just like everyone else.

If you don't like my driving then stay off the sidewalk!

I like work. It fascinates me. I could sit and look at it forever.

The difference between fiction and reality? Fiction has to make sense.

Don’t play dumb with me, I'll always win.

If at first you don’t succeed, skydiving is NOT for you.

There are two ways to argue with a woman. Neither one works.

I refuse to engage in an intellectual battle with an unarmed man.

Whoever said nothing is impossible never tried slamming a revolving door. ..

Always forgive your enemies - Nothing annoys them so much.

If Barbie is so popular, why do you have to buy her friends?

When everything's coming your way, you're in the wrong lane.

I used to have an open mind but my brains kept falling out.

I couldn't repair your brakes, so I made your horn louder.

If everything seems to be going well, you have obviously overlooked something.

Join The Army, Visit exotic places, meet strange people, then kill them.

Evening news is where they begin with 'Good evening', and then proceed to tell you why it isn't.

When you're right, no one remembers. When you're wrong, no one forgets.

Everyone makes mistakes. The trick is to make mistakes when nobody is looking.

They say hard work never hurts anybody, but why take the chance.

I love deadlines. I especially like the whooshing sound they make as they go flying by.

There are very few personal problems that cannot be solved by a suitable application of high explosives.

Accept that some days you're the pigeon and some days you're the statue.

Needing someone is like needing a parachute. If he isn't there the first time you need him, chances are you won't be needing him again.

I don't have an attitude problem. You have a perception problem.

Last night, I lay in bed looking up at the stars in the sky and thought to myself, "Where the heck is the ceiling?"

I don't suffer from stress. I'm a carrier.

You're slower than a herd of turtles stampeding through peanut butter.

Do not meddle in the affairs of dragons, for you are crunchy and good with ketchup.

Depression is merely anger without enthusiasm

Eagles may soar, but weasels don't get sucked into jet engines

Early bird gets the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese

I almost had a psychic girlfriend but she left me before we met

Mind Like A Steel Trap - Rusty And Illegal In 37 States

The only substitute for good manners is fast reflexes..

24 hours in a day ... 24 beers in a case ...coincidence?

Who is General Failure and why is he reading my hard disk?

Shin: a device for finding furniture in the dark.

When life gives you lemons, make grape juice. Then sit back and let the world wonder how you did it.

STRESSED? You think I look stressed! I'm gonna KILL the next person who says I look stressed!

I don't suffer from insanity, I enjoy it.

Never argue with an idiot, they'll bring you to their level then beat you with experience.

I'd love to help you out. Which way did you come in?

Children: You spend the first 2 years of their life teaching them to walk and talk. Then you spend the next 16 years telling them to sit down and shut-up.

Insanity is hereditary. You get it from your kids.

Children are natural mimics who act like their parents, despite every effort to teach them good manners.

"There is only one pretty child in the world... and every mother has it." - Chinese Proverb.

The main purpose of holding children's parties is to remind yourself that there are children more awful than your own.

A child's greatest period of growth is the month after you've purchased new school clothes.

Anyone who says "Easy as taking candy from a baby" has never tried it.

The man who smiles when things go wrong has thought of someone to blame it on. - Robert Bloch

The average woman would rather have beauty than brains, because the average man can see better than he can think.

Murphys Gesetz!!

Wenn irgendetwas schief gehen kann, dann geht es schief.

Aus diesem Grundsatz ließen sich noch einige grausame und fatale Unterpunkte formulieren:

- Nichts ist so leicht, wie es aussieht.

- Alles dauert länger als man glaubt.

- Jede Problemlösung verursacht neue Probleme.

- Alles geht auf einmal schief.

- Die Natur ergreift immer die Partei des versteckten Fehlers.

- Lächle, denn morgen ist alles noch viel schlimmer.

- Wenn ein Experiment gelingt, dann ist vorher etwas schief gegangen.

- Wenn etwas scheinbar nicht schief gegangen ist, dann ist es vermutlich doch schief gegangen. Es sieht nur richtig aus.

- Fast alle Dinge werden ständig schlimmer.

- Die Abkürzung ist die längste Verbindung zwischen zwei Punkten.

- Früher oder später wird immer das Allerschlimmste passieren.

- Alles was gut beginnt, endet schlecht.

Alles was schlecht beginnt, endet furchtbar.

Being an Evil Overlord seems to be a good career choice. It pays well, there are all sorts of perks and you can set your own hours. However every Evil Overlord I've read about in books or seen in movies invariably gets overthrown and destroyed in the end. I've noticed that no matter whether they are barbarian lords, deranged wizards, mad scientists or alien invaders, they always seem to make the same basic mistakes every single time. With that in mind, allow me to present...

The Top 100 Things I'd Do
If I Ever Became An Evil Overlord

1.My Legions of Terror will have helmets with clear plexiglass visors, not face-concealing ones.

2.My ventilation ducts will be too small to crawl through.

3.My noble half-brother whose throne I usurped will be killed, not kept anonymously imprisoned in a forgotten cell of my dungeon.

4.Shooting is not too good for my enemies.

5.The artifact which is the source of my power will not be kept on the Mountain of Despair beyond the River of Fire guarded by the Dragons of Eternity. It will be in my safe-deposit box. The same applies to the object which is my one weakness.

6.I will not gloat over my enemies' predicament before killing them.

7.When I've captured my adversary and he says, "Look, before you kill me, will you at least tell me what this is all about?" I'll say, "No." and shoot him. No, on second thought I'll shoot him then say "No."

8.After I kidnap the beautiful princess, we will be married immediately in a quiet civil ceremony, not a lavish spectacle in three weeks' time during which the final phase of my plan will be carried out.

9.I will not include a self-destruct mechanism unless absolutely necessary. If it is necessary, it will not be a large red button labelled "Danger: Do Not Push". The big red button marked "Do Not Push" will instead trigger a spray of bullets on anyone stupid enough to disregard it. Similarly, the ON/OFF switch will not clearly be labelled as such.

10.I will not interrogate my enemies in the inner sanctum -- a small hotel well outside my borders will work just as well.

11.I will be secure in my superiority. Therefore, I will feel no need to prove it by leaving clues in the form of riddles or leaving my weaker enemies alive to show they pose no threat.

12.One of my advisors will be an average five-year-old child. Any flaws in my plan that he is able to spot will be corrected before implementation.

13.All slain enemies will be cremated, or at least have several rounds of ammunition emptied into them, not left for dead at the bottom of the cliff. The announcement of their deaths, as well as any accompanying celebration, will be deferred until after the aforementioned disposal.

14.The hero is not entitled to a last kiss, a last cigarette, or any other form of last request.

15.I will never employ any device with a digital countdown. If I find that such a device is absolutely unavoidable, I will set it to activate when the counter reaches 117 and the hero is just putting his plan into operation.

16.I will never utter the sentence "But before I kill you, there's just one thing I want to know."

17.When I employ people as advisors, I will occasionally listen to their advice.

18.I will not have a son. Although his laughably under-planned attempt to usurp power would easily fail, it would provide a fatal distraction at a crucial point in time.

19.I will not have a daughter. She would be as beautiful as she was evil, but one look at the hero's rugged countenance and she'd betray her own father.

20.Despite its proven stress-relieving effect, I will not indulge in maniacal laughter. When so occupied, it's too easy to miss unexpected developments that a more attentive individual could adjust to accordingly.

21.I will hire a talented fashion designer to create original uniforms for my Legions of Terror, as opposed to some cheap knock-offs that make them look like Nazi stormtroopers, Roman footsoldiers, or savage Mongol hordes. All were eventually defeated and I want my troops to have a more positive mind-set.

22.No matter how tempted I am with the prospect of unlimited power, I will not consume any energy field bigger than my head.

23.I will keep a special cache of low-tech weapons and train my troops in their use. That way -- even if the heroes manage to neutralize my power generator and/or render the standard-issue energy weapons useless -- my troops will not be overrun by a handful of savages armed with spears and rocks.

24.I will maintain a realistic assessment of my strengths and weaknesses. Even though this takes some of the fun out of the job, at least I will never utter the line "No, this cannot be! I AM INVINCIBLE!!" (After that, death is usually instantaneous.)

25.No matter how well it would perform, I will never construct any sort of machinery which is completely indestructible except for one small and virtually inaccessible vulnerable spot.

26.No matter how attractive certain members of the rebellion are, there is probably someone just as attractive who is not desperate to kill me. Therefore, I will think twice before ordering a prisoner sent to my bedchamber.

27.I will never build only one of anything important. All important systems will have redundant control panels and power supplies. For the same reason I will always carry at least two fully loaded weapons at all times.

28.My pet monster will be kept in a secure cage from which it cannot escape and into which I could not accidentally stumble.

29.I will dress in bright and cheery colors, and so throw my enemies into confusion.

30.All bumbling conjurers, clumsy squires, no-talent bards, and cowardly thieves in the land will be preemptively put to death. My foes will surely give up and abandon their quest if they have no source of comic relief.

31.All naive, busty tavern wenches in my realm will be replaced with surly, world-weary waitresses who will provide no unexpected reinforcement and/or romantic subplot for the hero or his sidekick.

32.I will not fly into a rage and kill a messenger who brings me bad news just to illustrate how evil I really am. Good messengers are hard to come by.

33.I won't require high-ranking female members of my organization to wear a stainless-steel bustier. Morale is better with a more casual dress-code. Similarly, outfits made entirely from black leather will be reserved for formal occasions.

34.I will not turn into a snake. It never helps.

35.I will not grow a goatee. In the old days they made you look diabolic. Now they just make you look like a disaffected member of Generation X.

36.I will not imprison members of the same party in the same cell block, let alone the same cell. If they are important prisoners, I will keep the only key to the cell door on my person instead of handing out copies to every bottom-rung guard in the prison.

37.If my trusted lieutenant tells me my Legions of Terror are losing a battle, I will believe him. After all, he's my trusted lieutenant.

38.If an enemy I have just killed has a younger sibling or offspring anywhere, I will find them and have them killed immediately, instead of waiting for them to grow up harboring feelings of vengeance towards me in my old age.

39.If I absolutely must ride into battle, I will certainly not ride at the forefront of my Legions of Terror, nor will I seek out my opposite number among his army.

40.I will be neither chivalrous nor sporting. If I have an unstoppable superweapon, I will use it as early and as often as possible instead of keeping it in reserve.

41.Once my power is secure, I will destroy all those pesky time-travel devices.

42.When I capture the hero, I will make sure I also get his dog, monkey, ferret, or whatever sickeningly cute little animal capable of untying ropes and filching keys happens to follow him around.

43.I will maintain a healthy amount of skepticism when I capture the beautiful rebel and she claims she is attracted to my power and good looks and will gladly betray her companions if I just let her in on my plans.

44.I will only employ bounty hunters who work for money. Those who work for the pleasure of the hunt tend to do dumb things like even the odds to give the other guy a sporting chance.

45.I will make sure I have a clear understanding of who is responsible for what in my organization. For example, if my general screws up I will not draw my weapon, point it at him, say "And here is the price for failure," then suddenly turn and kill some random underling.

46.If an advisor says to me "My liege, he is but one man. What can one man possibly do?", I will reply "This." and kill the advisor.

47.If I learn that a callow youth has begun a quest to destroy me, I will slay him while he is still a callow youth instead of waiting for him to mature.

48.I will treat any beast which I control through magic or technology with respect and kindness. Thus if the control is ever broken, it will not immediately come after me for revenge.

49.If I learn the whereabouts of the one artifact which can destroy me, I will not send all my troops out to seize it. Instead I will send them out to seize something else and quietly put a Want-Ad in the local paper.

50.My main computers will have their own special operating system that will be completely incompatible with standard IBM and Macintosh powerbooks.

51.If one of my dungeon guards begins expressing concern over the conditions in the beautiful princess' cell, I will immediately transfer him to a less people-oriented position.

52.I will hire a team of board-certified architects and surveyors to examine my castle and inform me of any secret passages and abandoned tunnels that I might not know about.

53.If the beautiful princess that I capture says "I'll never marry you! Never, do you hear me, NEVER!!", I will say "Oh well" and kill her.

54.I will not strike a bargain with a demonic being then attempt to double-cross it simply because I feel like being contrary.

55.The deformed mutants and odd-ball psychotics will have their place in my Legions of Terror. However before I send them out on important covert missions that require tact and subtlety, I will first see if there is anyone else equally qualified who would attract less attention.

56.My Legions of Terror will be trained in basic marksmanship. Any who cannot learn to hit a man-sized target at 10 meters will be used for target practice.

57.Before employing any captured artifacts or machinery, I will carefully read the owner's manual.

58.If it becomes necessary to escape, I will never stop to pose dramatically and toss off a one-liner.

59.I will never build a sentient computer smarter than I am.

60.My five-year-old child advisor will also be asked to decipher any code I am thinking of using. If he breaks the code in under 30 seconds, it will not be used. Note: this also applies to passwords.

61.If my advisors ask "Why are you risking everything on such a mad scheme?", I will not proceed until I have a response that satisfies them.

62.I will design fortress hallways with no alcoves or protruding structural supports which intruders could use for cover in a firefight.

63.Bulk trash will be disposed of in incinerators, not compactors. And they will be kept hot, with none of that nonsense about flames going through accessible tunnels at predictable intervals.

64.I will see a competent psychiatrist and get cured of all extremely unusual phobias and bizarre compulsive habits which could prove to be a disadvantage.

65.If I must have computer systems with publically available terminals, the maps they display of my complex will have a room clearly marked as the Main Control Room. That room will be the Execution Chamber. The actual main control room will be marked as Sewage Overflow Containment.

66.My security keypad will actually be a fingerprint scanner. Anyone who watches someone press a sequence of buttons or dusts the pad for fingerprints then subsequently tries to enter by repeating that sequence will trigger the alarm system.

67.No matter how many shorts we have in the system, my guards will be instructed to treat every surveillance camera malfunction as a full-scale emergency.

68.I will spare someone who saved my life sometime in the past. This is only reasonable as it encourages others to do so. However, the offer is good one time only. If they want me to spare them again, they'd better save my life again.

69.All midwives will be banned from the realm. All babies will be delivered at state-approved hospitals. Orphans will be placed in foster-homes, not abandoned in the woods to be raised by creatures of the wild.

70.When my guards split up to search for intruders, they will always travel in groups of at least two. They will be trained so that if one of them disappears mysteriously while on patrol, the other will immediately initiate an alert and call for backup, instead of quizzically peering around a corner.

71.If I decide to test a lieutenant's loyalty and see if he/she should be made a trusted lieutenant, I will have a crack squad of marksmen standing by in case the answer is no.

72.If all the heroes are standing together around a strange device and begin to taunt me, I will pull out a conventional weapon instead of using my unstoppable superweapon on them.

73.I will not agree to let the heroes go free if they win a rigged contest, even though my advisors assure me it is impossible for them to win.

74.When I create a multimedia presentation of my plan designed so that my five-year-old advisor can easily understand the details, I will not label the disk "Project Overlord" and leave it lying on top of my desk.

75.I will instruct my Legions of Terror to attack the hero en masse, instead of standing around waiting while members break off and attack one or two at a time.

76.If the hero runs up to my roof, I will not run up after him and struggle with him in an attempt to push him over the edge. I will also not engage him at the edge of a cliff. (In the middle of a rope-bridge over a river of molten lava is not even worth considering.)

77.If I have a fit of temporary insanity and decide to give the hero the chance to reject a job as my trusted lieutentant, I will retain enough sanity to wait until my current trusted lieutenant is out of earshot before making the offer.

78.I will not tell my Legions of Terror "And he must be taken alive!" The command will be "And try to take him alive if it is reasonably practical."

79.If my doomsday device happens to come with a reverse switch, as soon as it has been employed it will be melted down and made into limited-edition commemorative coins.

80.If my weakest troops fail to eliminate a hero, I will send out my best troops instead of wasting time with progressively stronger ones as he gets closer and closer to my fortress.

81.If I am fighting with the hero atop a moving platform, have disarmed him, and am about to finish him off and he glances behind me and drops flat, I too will drop flat instead of quizzically turning around to find out what he saw.

82.I will not shoot at any of my enemies if they are standing in front of the crucial support beam to a heavy, dangerous, unbalanced structure.

83.If I'm eating dinner with the hero, put poison in his goblet, then have to leave the table for any reason, I will order new drinks for both of us instead of trying to decide whether or not to switch with him.

84.I will not have captives of one sex guarded by members of the opposite sex.

85.I will not use any plan in which the final step is horribly complicated, e.g. "Align the 12 Stones of Power on the sacred altar then activate the medallion at the moment of total eclipse." Instead it will be more along the lines of "Push the button."

86.I will make sure that my doomsday device is up to code and properly grounded.

87.My vats of hazardous chemicals will be covered when not in use. Also, I will not construct walkways above them.

88.If a group of henchmen fail miserably at a task, I will not berate them for incompetence then send the same group out to try the task again.

89.After I captures the hero's superweapon, I will not immediately disband my legions and relax my guard because I believe whoever holds the weapon is unstoppable. After all, the hero held the weapon and I took it from him.

90.I will not design my Main Control Room so that every workstation is facing away from the door.

91.I will not ignore the messenger that stumbles in exhausted and obviously agitated until my personal grooming or current entertainment is finished. It might actually be important.

92.If I ever talk to the hero on the phone, I will not taunt him. Instead I will say this his dogged perseverance has given me new insight on the futility of my evil ways and that if he leaves me alone for a few months of quiet contemplation I will likely return to the path of righteousness. (Heroes are incredibly gullible in this regard.)

93.If I decide to hold a double execution of the hero and an underling who failed or betrayed me, I will see to it that the hero is scheduled to go first.

94.When arresting prisoners, my guards will not allow them to stop and grab a useless trinket of purely sentimental value.

95.My dungeon will have its own qualified medical staff complete with bodyguards. That way if a prisoner becomes sick and his cellmate tells the guard it's an emergency, the guard will fetch a trauma team instead of opening up the cell for a look.

96.My door mechanisms will be designed so that blasting the control panel on the outside seals the door and blasting the control panel on the inside opens the door, not vice versa.

97.My dungeon cells will not be furnished with objects that contain reflective surfaces or anything that can be unravelled.

98.If an attractive young couple enters my realm, I will carefully monitor their activities. If I find they are happy and affectionate, I will ignore them. However if circumstance have forced them together against their will and they spend all their time bickering and criticizing each other except during the intermittent occasions when they are saving each others' lives at which point there are hints of sexual tension, I will immediately order their execution.

99.Any data file of crucial importance will be padded to 1.45Mb in size.

100.Finally, to keep my subjects permanently locked in a mindless trance, I will provide each of them with free unlimited Internet access.

This Evil Overlord List is Copyright 1996-1997 by Peter Anspach. If you enjoy it, feel free to pass it along or post it anywhere, provided that (1) it is not altered in any way, and (2) this copyright notice is attached.

Der Job eines bösen Herrschers scheint eine gute Wahl zu sein. Er ist gut bezahlt, es gibt jede Menge Sozialleistungen und man kann sich die Arbeitszeit frei einteilen. Dennoch wird jeder böse Herrscher, über den ich in Büchern gelesen oder den ich in Filmen gesehen habe, am Ende ausnahmslos besiegt und vernichtet. Doch seien es barbarische Gebieter, verwirrte Zauberer, verrückte Wissenschaftler oder Alien-Invasoren, sie alle scheinen jedesmal die selben dummen Fehler zu machen. In Anbetracht dessen präsentiere ich die...

100 Dinge, die ich als böser Herrscher tun würde

1. Die Helme meiner Terrorlegionen werden klare Visire haben, die nicht das Gesicht verdecken.

2. Meine Ventilationsschächte werden zu klein zum durchkriechen sein.

3. Mein edler Halbbruder, dessen Thron ich an mich riss, wird getötet, anstatt ihn anonym in einer vergessenen Zelle meines Verlieses gefangen zu halten.

4. Erschossen zu werden ist nicht zu gut für meine Gegner.

5. Das Artefakt, welches die Quelle meiner Macht ist, liegt nicht vom Drachen der Ewigkeit bewacht, hinter den Feuerflüssen auf dem Berg der Verzweiflung, sondern wird in meiner Spardose aufbewahrt. Dasselbe gilt für das Objekt, welches mein einziger Schwachpunkt ist.

6. Ich werde über die missliche Lage meines Gegners nicht hämisch lachen, bevor ich ihn getötet habe.

7. Wenn ich meinen Kontrahenten gefangen habe und er sagt "Hey, bevor du mich tötest, willst du mir nicht wenigstens sagen, warum du das alles machst?", werde ich "Nein." sagen und ihn erschießen. Obwohl, bei näherer Überlegung erschieß ich ihn erst und sage dann "Nein."

8. Nachdem ich die schöne Prinzessin gekidnappt habe, werden wir sofort in einer relativ normalen Zeremonie verheiratet und nicht in einem verschwenderischen, drei Wochen dauernden Spektakel, während dessen die finale Phase meines Plans ausgeführt wird.

9. Wenn es nicht unbedingt nötig ist, werde ich keinen Selbstzerstörungsmechanismus einbauen. Ist es doch nötig, wird es kein großer roter Knopf mit der Aufschrift "Warnung! Nicht drücken" sein. Der große rote "Nicht drücken"-Knopf wird stattdessen einen Kugelhagel auf denjenigen niedergehen lassen, der die Aufschrift missachtet. Genauso wird der An/Aus-Schalter nicht deutlich als solcher beschriftet.

10. Ich werde meine Gegner nicht in meinem Allerheiligsten verhören -- ein kleines Hotel ausserhalb meines Reiches wird reichen.

11. Ich werde sicher sein in meiner Überlegenheit. Daher werde ich auch keine Hinweise in Form von Rätseln geben oder schwache Gegner am leben lassen, nur um zu beweisen, dass sie mir nichts anhaben können.

12. Einer meiner Berater wird ein durchschnittliches 5-jähriges Kind sein. Jeder Fehler, den es in meinem Plan entdeckt, wird noch vor dessen Ausführung korrigiert.

13. Alle getöteten Gegner werden verbrannt oder zumindest mit mehreren Magazinen vollgepumpt, statt sie tot am Boden der Klippe zurückzulassen. Jede Bekanntmachung ihres Todes sowie begleitende Feiern werden aufgeschoben, bis die zuvor erwähnte Beseitigung erfolgt ist.

14. Dem Helden wird kein letzter Kuss, keine letzte Zigarette oder jedweder andere letzte Wunsch gewährt.

15. Ich werde kein Gerät mit einem digitalen Countdown anschaffen. Wenn solch ein Gerät unabdingbar sein sollte, wird es sich bei 117 aktivieren, gerade dann, wenn der Held anfängt seine Pläne zu verwirklichen.

16. Ich werde niemals den Satz äußern "Aber bevor ich dich töte, will ich noch eine Sache wissen."

17. Wenn ich Leute als Berater anstelle, werde ich gelegentlich auf ihren Rat hören.

18. Ich werde keinen Sohn haben. Auch wenn seine lachhaft dilettantischen Versuche die Macht an sich zu reißen leicht fehlschlagen, könnten sie mich dennoch an einem kritischen Zeitpunkt ablenken.

19. Ich werde keine Tochter haben. Sie würde ebenso schön wie böse sein, doch ein Blick auf des Helden rauhes Antlitz und sie würde ihren eigenen Vater betrügen.

20. Ungeachtet des stressabbauenden Effekts, werde ich in kein irres Gelächter verfallen. Derart abgelenkt, ist es zu leicht, unerwartete Entwicklungen zu übersehen, auf die sich ein aufmerksamerer Zeitgenosse schneller einstellen könnte.

21. Ich werde einen begabten Modedesigner engagieren, der einzigartige Uniformen für meine Terrorlegionen entwerfen wird, auf dass sie nicht in billigen Imitaten rumlaufen müssen, in denen sie wie Nazisoldaten, römische Legionäre oder wilde Mongolenhorden aussehen. All diese wurden irgendwann besiegt, meine Truppen sollen eine positivere Einstellung bekommen.

22. Ungeachtet der Versuchung, die unendliche Macht auf mich ausübt, werde ich kein Energiefeld aufnehmen, das größer als mein Kopf ist.

23. Ich werde ein geheimes Lager mit Low-Tech-Waffen haben und meine Truppen damit trainieren. Dadurch -- auch wenn es die Helden schaffen meinen Energiegenerator zu neutralisieren und/oder die Standardwaffen unbrauchbar zu machen -- werden meine Truppen nicht von einer Handvoll Wilder mit Stöcken und Steinen überrannt.

24. Ich werde meine Stärken und Schwächen realistisch einschätzen. Auch wenn dadurch der Spaß am Job etwas verloren geht, werde ich nie die Zeilen äußern: "Nein, das kann nicht sein! ICH BIN UNSTERBLICH!!" (Tod folgt meist unverzüglich)

25. Egal wie gut sie funktionieren würde, werde ich nie eine Maschine bauen, die komplett unzerstörbar ist, bis auf eine kleine praktisch unerreichbare Stelle.

26. Egal wie attraktiv einige Mitglieder der Rebellion sind, gibt es wahrscheinlich jemand genauso attraktiven, der mich nicht unbedingt töten will. Daher werde ich zweimal nachdenken, bevor ich mir Gefangene in meine Schlafkammer schicken lasse.

27. Ich werde nie nur ein Exemplar von etwas wichtigem bauen. Alle wichtigen Systeme werden redundante Bedienkonsolen und Stromzufuhren haben. Aus dem gleichen Grund werde ich zu jeder Zeit mindestens zwei voll geladene Waffen tragen.

28. Mein Hausmonster wird in einem sicheren Käfig leben, aus dem es nicht ausbrechen und in den ich nicht aus Versehen stolpern kann.

29. Ich werde mich in helle fröhliche Gewänder kleiden und so meine Gegner in Verwirrung stürzen.

30. Alle zerstreuten Zauberer, tollpatschigen Knappen, untalentierten Barden und feigen Diebe im Land werden vorsorglich getötet. Meine Feinde werden ihr Abenteuer sicherlich aufgeben, wenn sie keine Aussicht auf komödiantische Abwechslung haben.

31. Alle naiven, großbrüstigen Tavernenmädchen meines Reiches werden durch missmutige, vom Leben gezeichnete Mägde ersetzt, die keine unerwartete Stärkung und/oder romantischen Abenteuer für den Helden oder seinen Kumpel bieten.

32. Ich werde in einem Wutanfall keinen Boten töten, der mir schlechte Nachricht überbringt, nur um zu zeigen wie böse ich bin. Gute Boten sind schwer zu bekommen.

33. Ich werde von hochrangigen weiblichen Mitgliedern meiner Organisation nicht verlangen, Bustiers aus rostfreiem Edelstahl zu tragen. Die Moral ist besser mit eher lässigen Kleidervorschriften. Genauso werden Outfits komplett aus schwarzem Leder für besondere Anlässe reserviert.

34. Ich werde mich nicht in eine Schlange verwandeln. Es hilft nie.

35. Ich werde mir kein Ziegenbärtchen wachsen lassen. Damals haben sie dich diabolisch aussehen lassen, heute machen sie dich nur zu einem mürrischen Mitglied der Generation X.

36. Ich werde keine Mitglieder derselben Gruppe im gleichen Zellenblock inhaftieren, geschweige denn in der gleichen Zelle. Sind es wichtige Gefangene, werde ich alleine den Zellenschlüssel haben und ihn nicht jeder Hilfswache des Gefängnisses geben.

37. Wenn der Leutnant meines Vertrauens mir mitteilt, dass meine Terrorlegionen eine Schlacht verlieren, werde ich ihm glauben. Immerhin ist er der Leutnant meines Vertrauens.

38. Wenn ein gerade von mir getöteter Gegner irgendwo noch jüngere Geschwister oder Nachkommen hat, werde ich sie finden und unverzüglich töten lassen, anstatt zu warten bis sie erwachsen sind und Gedanken der Rache gegen mich hegen, wenn ich alt bin.

39. Wenn ich unbedingt in die Schlacht reiten muss, werde ich dies sicherlich nicht an der Front meiner Terrorlegionen machen, noch werde ich meinen Gegenpart in der feindlichen Armee suchen.

40. Ich werde weder galant noch fair sein. Wenn ich eine unaufhaltsame Superwaffe habe, werde ich sie so früh und so oft wie möglich einsetzen, anstatt sie in Reserve zu halten.

41. Ist meine Macht einmal gesichert, werde ich all diese ärgerlichen Zeitmaschinen zerstören.

42. Wenn ich den Helden gefangen habe, werde ich sichergehen, dass ich auch seinen Hund, Affen, Papageien oder was sonst noch an krankmachend niedlichem Getier hinter ihm herläuft und imstande ist Fesseln zu lösen oder Schlüssel zu klauen, fangen.

43. Ich werde eine gesunde Portion Skepsis behalten, wenn ich die schöne Rebellin fange und sie behauptet, dass sie sich von meiner Macht und meinem guten Aussehen angezogen fühlt und sofort ihre Gefährten betrügt, wenn ich sie nur in meine Pläne einweihe.

44. Ich werde nur Söldner engagieren, die für Geld arbeiten. Solche, die für das Vergnügen der Jagd arbeiten, sind oft verleitet dumme Dinge zu tun, wie z.B. den anderen einen Vorteil zu verschaffen, damit sie eine faire Chance haben.

45. Ich werde sichergehen, dass ich genau weiss, wer für was in meiner Organisation zuständig ist. Zum Beispiel werde ich, wenn mein General versagt hat, nicht die Waffe auf ihn richten, "Und dies ist der Preis des Versagens" sagen und mich plötzlich umdrehen um einen beliebigen Untertan zu erschießen.

46. Wenn ein Berater mir sagt "Mein Herr, es ist nur ein Mann. Was kann ein Mann denn schon tun?", werde ich "Das." antworten und den Berater erschießen.

47. Erfahre ich, dass ein unerfahrener Jüngling auf dem Weg ist mich zu töten, werde ich nicht warten, bis er erwachsen ist, sondern ihn erschlagen solange er noch ein unerfahrener Jüngling ist.

48. Jedes Biest, das ich durch Magie oder Technologie kontrolliere, werde ich mit Respekt und Freundlichkeit behandeln. Bricht die Kontrolle irgendwann, versucht es so nicht sofort, sich an mir zu rächen.

49. Wenn ich erfahre, wo das eine Artefakt ist, das mich zerstören kann, werde ich nicht sofort all meine Truppen zur Suche loschicken. Stattdessen schicke ich sie aus etwas anderes zu suchen und werde unauffällig eine Suchanzeige in der Lokalzeitung aufgeben.

50. Mein Hauptcomputer wird sein eigenes Betriebssystem haben, das komplett inkompatibel zu Standard-IBM oder Macintosh-Systemen ist.

51. Wenn einer meiner Aufseher sich besorgt über den Zustand der Zelle der schönen Prinzessin äußert, werde ich ihn sofort zu einer weniger Menschen-orientierten Position versetzen.

52. Ich werde ein Team von staatlich geprüften Architekten und Sachverständigen damit beschäftigen, mich über jeden geheimen Gang und verlassenen Tunnel meines Schlosses zu informieren, den ich noch nicht kenne.

53. Falls die schöne Prinzessin zu mir sagt "Ich werde dich niemals heiraten! Niemals, hörst du mich, NIEMALS!!", sage ich "Na gut" und töte sie.

54. Ich werde kein Geschäft mit einer dämonischen Kreatur ausschlagen und sie dann versuchen zu betrügen, nur weil ich mich grad danach fühle.

55. Die deformierten Mutanten und exzentrischen Psychopaten werden ihren Platz in meinen Terrorlegionen haben. Dennoch werde ich mich für Missionen, in denen subtiles und feinfühliges Verhalten verlangt wird, erst nach jemandem unsehen, der genauso qualifiziert ist, aber weniger Aufmerksamkeit erregt.

56. Meine Terrorlegionen werden in grundlegender Schießkunst trainiert. Jeder, der nicht lernen kann, ein manngroßes Ziel auf 10 Metern Entfernung zu treffen, wird für Zielübungen verwendet.

57. Bevor ich eine erbeutete Maschine oder ein Artefakt in Betrieb setze, werde ich aufmerksam die Bedienungsanleitung lesen.

58. Wenn es nötig wird zu fliehen, werde ich niemals anhalten um in einer dramatischen Pose einen One-Liner abzuwerfen.

59. Ich werde niemals einen empfindungsfähigen Computer bauen, der intelligenter ist als ich.

60. Meinem 5-jähriger Berater wird die Aufgabe gestellt, jeden Code zu dechiffrieren, den ich gedenke zu benutzen. Bricht er ihn in unter 30 Sekunden, wird er nicht verwendet. Notiz: Dies gilt auch für Passwörter.

61. Wenn meine Berater fragen "Warum riskiert ihr alles für solch einen wahnsinnigen Plan?", werde ich nicht eher fortfahren, bis ich eine zufriedenstellende Antwort gefunden habe.

62. Ich werde in die Hallen meiner Festung keine Nischen oder vorstehende Elemente einbauen, hinter denen sich Eindringlinge in einem Feuergefecht verstecken könnten.

63. Sperrmüll wird in Verbrennungsöfen statt in Müllpressen entsorgt. Und sie bleiben heiss, ohne unsinniges Feuer, das zu vorhersehbaren Zeiten in passierbaren Tunneln brennt.

64. Ich werde einen Psychiater konsultieren, der mich von allen extrem seltenen Phobien und bizarren Zwangsneurosen heilen wird, die später ein Problem werden könnten.

65. Wenn ich öffentlich zugängliche Computerterminals haben muss, werden die dargestellten Karten meines Geländekomplexes einen Raum deutlich als zentralen Kontrollraum auszeichnen. Dieser Raum wird die Exekutionskammer sein. Der echte Kontrollraum wird als Klärschlamm-Sammelbecken beschriftet.

66. Meine Sicherheitstastatur wird ein Fingerabdrucks-Scanner sein. Jeder, der andere bei der Eingabe von Codes beobachtet oder Fingerabdrücke von den Tasten nimmt und versucht reinzukommen, löst den Alarm aus.

67. Egal wie instabil das System ist, meine Wachen werden beauftragt, jede Fehlfunktion einer Überwachungskamera als kritischen Notfall anzusehen.

68. Ich werde jemanden, der mein Leben einst gerettet hat, verschonen. Das ist nur vernünftig, da es andere dazu ermutigt es ebenso zu tun. Jedoch gilt das Angebot nur einmal. Wenn ich sie nochmal verschonen soll, sollen sie lieber nochmal mein Leben retten.

69. Alle Hebammen werden aus meinem Reich verbannt und alle Babies in staatlich geprüften Krankenhäusern geboren. Waisenkinder kommen zu Pflegefamilien und werden nicht in den Wäldern ausgesetzt, wo sie von Kreaturen der Wildnis aufgezogen werden.

70. Wenn sich meine Wachen aufteilen um nach Eindringlingen zu suchen, werden sie immer mindestens zu zweit unterwegs sein. Ihnen wird beigebracht, dass sie, falls einer von ihnen unerwartet verschwindet, sofort Alarm auslösen und Verstärkung rufen, anstatt forschend um Ecken zu spähen.

71. Wenn ich entscheiden will, ob ein Leutnant mein Vertrauen verdient, werde ich eine gut bewaffnete Truppe Soldaten dabeihaben, für den Fall, dass die Antwort Nein lautet.

72. Wenn alle Helden zusammen um ein merkwürdiges Gerät stehen und sich über mich lustig machen, werde ich eine normale Waffe ziehen, anstatt meine unbesiegbare Superwaffe zu benutzen.

73. Ich werde keinem Deal zustimmen, bei dem die Helden freikommen, wenn sie einen von uns manipulierten Wettbewerb gewinnen, von dem meine Berater sagen, dass er niemals zu gewinnen sei.

74. Wenn ich eine Multimediapräsentation meines Plans so designe, dass selbst mein 5-jähriger Berater die Details versteht, werde ich die CD nicht mit "Projekt Weltherrschaft" beschriftet auf meinem Schreibtisch liegenlassen.

75. Ich werde meinen Terrorlegionen befehlen, den Feind zusammen anzugreifen, anstatt rumzustehen und darauf zu warten, dass ihn einzelne Mitglieder nacheinander attackieren.

76. Wenn der Held auf das Dach läuft, werde ich nicht hinterherrennen und versuchen ihn über das Geländer zu werfen. Ich werde ihn ebenfalls nicht am Rand einer Klippe angreifen. (Erst recht nicht in der Mitte einer Seilbrücke über einem Fluss aus Lava.)

77. Wenn ich in einem temporären Anfall geistiger Umnachtung entscheide, dem Held das Angebot zu unterbreiten, der neue Leutnant meines Vertrauens zu werden, werde ich trotzdem genug Verstand besitzen damit zu warten, bis der gegenwärtige Leutnant meiner Vertrauens außer Hörreichweite ist.

78. Ich werde meinen Terrorlegionen nicht befehlen: "Und bringt ihn mir lebendig!". Der Befehl wird sein: "Und versucht ihn mir lebendig zu bringen, wenn es halbwegs machbar ist."

79. Wenn meine Höllenapparatur mit einem Umkehrschalter ausgeliefert wird, werde ich ihn sofort einschmelzen und zu einer limitierten Gedenkmünze pressen.

80. Wenn meine schwächsten Truppen den Helden nicht besiegen können, werde ich meine besten Truppen aussenden, anstatt Zeit damit zu verschwenden immer stärkere auf ihn loszulassen während er näher und näher an meine Festung kommt.

81. Wenn ich mit dem Helden auf einer sich bewegenden Plattform kämpfe, ihm einen Arm abgetrennt habe, kurz davor bin es zu vollenden und er kurz hinter mich blickt und sich duckt, werde ich mich ebenso ducken, anstatt mich erstaunt umzudrehen um zu sehen was da ist.

82. Ich werde nicht auf meine Gegner schießen, wenn sie vor einem wichtigen Energiestrahler stehen, der eine schwere, gefährliche und instabile Struktur speist.

83. Wenn ich mit dem Held zu Abend esse, Gift in seinen Kelch tue und dann aus irgendeinem Grund die Tafel verlassen muss, werde ich neue Getränke für uns beide bestellen anstatt zu rätseln, in welchem Kelch nun das Gift ist.

84. Ich werde keine Gefangenen des einen Geschlechts von Mitgliedern des anderen Geschlechts bewachen lassen.

85. Ich werde keinen Plan benutzen, in dem der finale Schritt übermäßig kompliziert ist, z.B.: "Lege die 12 Steine der Macht auf den heiligen Altar, aktiviere dann das Medallion genau im Moment der totalen Sonnenfinsternis." Stattdessen wird es eher sowas sein wie "Drück den Knopf".

86. Ich werde sicher gehen, dass meine Höllenapparatur ordnungsgemäß zusammengebaut und fest im Boden verankert ist.

87. Meine Bottiche mit tödlichen Chemikalien werden zugedeckt, wenn sie nicht benutzt werden. Auch werde ich keine Laufstege über ihnen bauen.

88. Wenn eine Gruppe meiner Schergen bei einer Aufgabe jämmerlich versagt, werde ich sie nicht ob ihrer Inkompetenz ausschimpfen und die gleiche Gruppe mit der gleichen Aufgabe nocheinmal aussenden.

89. Nachdem ich die Superwaffe des Helden erbeutet habe, werde ich nicht sofort meine Legionen auflösen und den Wachen freigeben weil ich glaube, dass, wer immer die Waffe besitzt, unbesiegbar ist. Immerhin hatte der Held die Waffe und ich hab sie ihm abgenommen.

90. Ich werde meinen zentralen Kontrollraum nicht so bauen, dass jede Kontrollkonsole von der Tür wegzeigt.

91. Ich werde den Boten, der entkräftet und offensichtlich aufgeregt hereinstolpert, nicht ignorieren bis meine persönliche Pflege oder aktuelle Unterhaltung beendet ist. Es könnte in der Tat wichtig sein.

92. Wenn ich jemals mit dem Helden am Telefon rede, werde ich ihn nicht auslachen. Stattdessen werde ich sagen, dass mir seine verbissene Beharrlichkeit neue Einsichten in die Sinnlosigkeit meines bösen Unterfangens gegeben hat und dass ich, wenn er mich ein paar Monate zum ruhigen Nachsinnen alleine lässt, wahrscheinlich auf den Pfad der Tugend zurückfinde. (Helden sind bemerkenswert leichtgläubig in diesen Belangen.)

93. Wenn ich eine Doppelexekution des Helden und eines Untertanen, der versagt oder mich betrogen hat, ansetze, werde ich es so arrangieren, dass der Held zuerst getötet wird.

94. Wenn meine Wachen Gefangene einsperren, werden sie ihnen nicht erlauben anzuhalten um ein nutzloses Schmuckstück von purem sentimentalen Wert aufzuheben.

95. Mein Verlies wird sein eigenes qualifiziertes medizinisches Personal komplett mit Bodyguards haben. Wenn ein Gefangener krank wird und sein Zellengenosse der Wache sagt, es sei ein Notfall, wird die Wache ein Medizinerteam holen anstatt die Zellentür zu öffnen um mal nachzusehen.

96. Meine Türmechanismen werden so konstruiert, dass die Türen verschlossen werden, wenn der äußere Kontrollschalter zerstört wird und geöffnet, wenn der innere kaputt ist, nicht umgekehrt.

97. Die Zellen meines Verlieses werden nicht mit Objekten ausgestattet, die spiegelnde Oberflächen haben oder Dinge enthalten, die enträtselt werden können.

98. Wenn ein attraktives junges Paar mein Reich betritt, werde ich sorgfältig ihre Aktivitäten beobachten. Sind sie fröhlich und einander zugetan, werde ich sie ignorieren. Wenn jedoch bestimmte Umstände sie gegen ihren Willen zusammenhalten und sie sich zanken und gegenseitig kritisieren außer um sich zwischendurch das Leben zu retten, wobei eine gewisse sexuelle Spannung nicht zu übersehen ist, werde ich ihre sofortige Exekution anordnen.

99. Jede wichtige Datei wird auf 1.45 MB vergrößert.

100. Um meine Untergebenen zuguterletzt in einer andauernden hirnlosen Trance zu halten, werde ich ihnen kostenlosen unlimitierten Internetzugang zur Verfügung stellen.

This Evil Overlord List is Copyright 1996-1997 by Peter Anspach. If you enjoy it, feel free to pass it along or post it anywhere, provided that (1) it is not altered in any way, and (2) this copyright notice is attached.

Deutsche Übersetzung: Robert Gerlach 2004

“National Sarcasm Society. (Like we need your support.)”

Favorite Sayings:

I smile because you're my sister. I laugh because there's nothing you can do about it.

Do not disturb the dust. It protects the furniture.

I'm having a nervous breakdown. I've worked hard for it. I deserve it, and no one's going to deprive me of it!

Top ten reasons I procrastinate: 1.

Be careful when lending money to your friends. It can destroy their memory!

You can only go halfway into the darkest forest; then you are coming out the other side. (chinese proverb)

Hope--that bubbling ingredient in life which is like carbonation in a drink, giving it zest, keeping it in motion, always pushing it up.-- DePree

Many things are opened by mistake, but none so frequently as the mouth.

What's true of biology is also true of faith. If it isn't growing, it's probably dead.

Part of being smart is knowing what you're dumb at.

Truth is to politicians as Kryptonite is to Superman.

It's like taking cows from a baby.

Be not angry that you cannot make others as you wish them to be, since you cannot make yourself as you wish to be. --Thomas Kempis

Become the kind of person you can live with for the rest of your life.

Those who think they know everything annoy all of us who do.

We have just enough religion to make us hate one another but not enough to make us love one another.

This is the way the world ends, not with a bang but a whimper.--T.S. Eliot

I enjoy the silence in a church before the service more than any sermon.

Put that tootsie roll away right now before I shove it up your nose and laugh while you can't breathe. (one of my teachers).

Eat right. Exercise. Die anyway.

Sear no krava biel no mielko dava ah!

In spite of the cost of living, it's still popular. Kathleen Norris

Most new discoveries are suddenly-seen things that were always there. (Susanne Langer)

If all my friends were to jump off a bridge, I would be the one at the bottom to catch them.

A ship at harbor is safe, but that's not what ships are built for.

People are like stained glass windows. They sparkle and shine when the sun is out, but when the darkness sets in, their true beauty is revealed only if there is light from within.

What you dislike in another, take care to correct in yourself.

You are what you think about.

Merely going to Church doesn't make you a Christian any more than going to a garage makes you an automobile.

When men speak ill of you, live so that no one will believe them.

Live in such a way that you would not be ashamed to sell your parrot to the town gossip.

The happiness of every country depends upon the character of its people rather than the form of its government.

It is easier to fight for principles than to live up to them

Nearly all men can stand adversity, but if you want to test a man's character, give him power.

Enjoy the little things. Once day you may look back and realize they were the big things.

Most people don't mind criticism as long as it's about someone else. (Susan Wiener)

An apology is a good way to have the last word.

Women don't want to hear what you think. Women want to hear what they think, in a deeper voice. --Bill Cosby

I always wanted to be the last guy on earth just to see if all those women were lying to me.--Ronnie Shaker

It's not that I'm afraid to die; I just don't want to be there when it happens--Woody Allen

It's so simple to be wise. Just think of something stupid to say and then don't say it.--Sam Levenson

Fish and visitors smell in three days.--Ben Franklin

If you would keep your secret from an enemy, tell it not to a friend.--Ben Franklin

Love your enemies, for they tell you your faults. --Ben Franklin

Man is the only animal that blushes. Or needs to. --Mark Twain

I wonder how much it would take to buy a soap bubble if there was only one in the world. --Mark Twain

I disapprove of what you say, but I will defend to the death your right to say it. --Voltaire

Go buss a shoat.

You're such a snast.

It smells like green.

We come into this world crying while others rejoice. Live your life so that when you leave this world others cry while you rejoice.

People need love, especially when they don't deserve it.

The best way to a man's heart is through his chest.

It matters not what you are thought to be, but what you are.

If your absence doesn't make any difference then your presence won't either.

Okay So I just discovered all these cool sayings found on tee-shirts! Gotta love it:

Cleverly disguised as a responsible adult.”

Your dreams have been answered: I’m here!”

Everyone has the right to be stupid. But you’re abusing the privilege.”

“Good morning is an oxymoron.”

“Selective listener.”

“I’m not bossy, I just know what you should be doing.”

'I can only please one person a day and today’s not your day. Tomorrow’s not looking to good either.

“First the good news—I made bail...”

“I may not be right, but I can sure sound like it.”

‘Don’t let your mind wander. It’s too little to be out on its own.’

“Growing old is mandatory; growing up is optional!”

“Give me Ambiguity or give me something else.”

“You can’t scare me—I have a two year old.”

“I have no idea what I’m doing out of bed.”

“You don’t get a body like this by working out!”

“I came. I saw. I duct taped.”

“I’m Bob. Your not...Nah, nah, nah, nah, nah...”

“With a body like this who needs hair!”

“I don’t want to. I don’t have to. You can’t make me. I’m Retired.”

'Your village called. They want their idiot back.'

“I’m retired, you’re not—nah-nah-nah!”

“Please don’t interrupt me when I’m talking to myself.”

“You name it. I’m allergic to it.”

“I have my faults, but being wrong ain’t one of them.”

“Just be happy I’m not a twin.”

“Lead me not into Temptation, I can do that myself.”

“I’m Not Bald. Heavy thinking burned my hair off.”

“CAUTION: You are in the “WHATEVER” zone.”

“I am not ANTI-SOCIAL. I’m just not real friendly.”

“No need to yell. I still won’t listen.”

“I can walk on water as long as it’s frozen.”

“PMS: Purchase More Shoes.”

“I’m Retired. Go around me.”
“What is the speed of dark?”

“What part of MOOOOOOOHAAHAAHAA don’t you understand?”

“I never make mistakes. I thought I did once. But I was mistaken.”

“Selective listener.”

“dain bramaged.”

“If it weren’t for you, I’d be a different person. Maybe even happy.”

“Too many people with solutions Are The Problem.”

“I’d listen to you but ignoring you is so much easier.”

“Don’t just applaud, THROW MONEY!”

“Don’t blame yourself. Let me do it.”

“Gardeners tend to soil their pants.”

“Powered by Ice Cream.”

“It’s uncredible how well I am at grammer.”

“You see three branches of government. I see firewood.”

“Does expecting the unexpected make the unexpected expected?”

“I have multiple personalities and none of them like you.”

“Let’s hope intelligent life exists in space. I’m so lonely here.”

“Instant Human: Just add coffee.”

“You’re not bothering me. It’s way beyond that.”

“Who are you and why are you reading my shirt?”

“Yo Fish, Bite Me.”

“When all else fails—manipulate the data.”

“I don’t suffer from insanity. I enjoy every minute of it!”

“Jesus loves you (But I’m Hs favorite!)

“They say I have A.D.D but they just don’t understand. Oh look! A chicken!”

“Meddle not in the affairs of dragons for thou art crunchy and taste good with katsup.”

“Shut up voices or I’ll poke you with a Q-tip again!”

“If you can’t stand the heat, don’t tickle the dragon.”

“Can we declare a snow day?”

From "An Altered Destiny: The Beginning, if There is One" by Insane Slytherin

Slytherin Code of Conduct

1. If suspected of rule-breaking, deny it and blame someone else.

2.Slytherins defend their own. We are too few and too mistrusted by others to afford inside battles. If mistrusting of another member, tell someone. If annoyed at another member, channel your anger into taunting and fights with enemies outside of Slytherin. Let them hate so long as they fear.

3. Insults should not be taken lightly by anyone.

4.A mistake commonly made: Dark is not necessarily evil. The majority of Slytherins are dark, but whether you are evil or not is your choice and nobody else's.

5. If you run from a fight beyond your abilities, you are not a coward. You are intelligent.

6. Luck is as wild as a Basilisk. Never trust luck unless as a last resort.

7. Blood and money, though often useful, are no necessity. Ambition is all that is needed for success.

8.Never underestimate anyone, even muggles. Really, don't. It could be the last thing you ever do. Muggles may be slightly inferior, but you should still never underestimate them.

9. Pride is not arrogance. Arrogance is idiotic and no true Slytherin is an idiot.

10. Nobody makes a greater mistake than he who does nothing because he can only do little.

11. Never let your guard down. You never know what is lurking around the corner, because even the best protection and wards have some type of deactivation.

12. When in doubt, smile. It confuses people more than anything else.

13. Just as in life, in Slytherin there is no such thing as 'for free'. There is a price for anything and everything.

14. Paranoia: The sure way to survive.

15. Don't treat others as you want to be treated, treat others as they treat you.

16. Knowledge is its own form of power.

17. The only time you should ever regret taking an action is when you get punished for it.

18. Sarcasm: A Slytherin's best friend.

19. Rumors. Sometimes they're right, sometimes they're wrong, and sometimes it doesn't matter. Listen to the ones that matter, decide from there if they're right or wrong, and ignore the mindless drivel made up by school girls bored with their own pathetic lives.

20. Normal is relative.

21. "If there is a possibility of several things going wrong, the one that will cause the most damage will be the one to go wrong." Doesn't matter if a muggle said it, it's true enough.

22. Enough is never enough. Seriously, it isn't.

23. It is not my job to tell you what is right and what is wrong, so I will simply say this: Do what you think is right. Though it may not always be the right thing, it is the best you can do. True, the world always seems to demand more than you can give. If that's the case, then screw the world. As exampled by this list, Slytherins make and live by their own rules and nothing they can do is going to change that.

This story is about a little girl that was abused. If you care about it, and want things like this to stop then copy and paste it to your profile.

My name is sarah I am but three,

My eyes are swollen I cannot see,

I must be stupid I must be bad,

What else could have made My daddy so mad?

I wish I were better I wish I weren't ugly,

Then maybe my mommy Would still want to hug me.

I can't speak at all I can't do a wrong

Or else I'm locked up All the day long

When I awake I'm all alone

The house is dark My folks aren't home.

When my mommy does come I'll try and be nice,

So maybe I'll get just One whipping tonight, don't make a sound!

I just heard a car My daddy is back From Charlie's Bar.

I hear him curse my name he calls

I press myself Against the wall.

I try and hide From his evil eyes

I'm so afraid now I'm starting to cry.

He finds me weeping He shouts ugly words,

He says its my fault That he suffers at work.

He slaps me and hits me And yells at me more,

I finally get free And I run for the door.

He's already locked it And I start to bawl,

He takes me and throws me Against the hard wall.

I fall to the floor With my bones nearly broken,

And my daddy continues With more bad words spoken.

"I'm sorry!", I scream But its now much too late

His face has been twisted Into unimaginable hate.

The hurt and the pain again and again

Oh please God, have mercy! Oh please let it end!

And he finally stops And heads for the door,

While I lay there motionless Sprawled on the floor.

My name is Sarah And I am but three,

Tonight my daddy, Murdered me.

Child Abuse, MAKE IT STOP!

How wrong is this!!:

I am the girl kicked out of her home because I confided in my mother that I am a lesbian.

I am the prostitute working the streets because nobody will hire a transsexual woman.

I am the sister who holds her gay brother tight through the painful, tear-filled nights.

We are the parents who buried our daughter long before her time.

I am the man who died alone in the hospital because they would not let my partner of twenty-seven years into the room.

I am the foster child who wakes up with nightmares of being taken away from the two fathers who are the only loving family I have ever had. I wish they could adopt me.

I am one of the lucky ones, I guess. I survived the attack that left me in a coma for three weeks, and in another year I will probably be able to walk again.

I am not one of the lucky ones. I killed myself just weeks before graduating high school. It was simply too much to bear.

We are the couple who had the realtor hang up on us when she found out we wanted to rent a one-bedroom for two men.

I am the person who never knows which bathroom I should use if I want to avoid getting the management called on me.

I am the mother who is not allowed to even visit the children I bore, nursed, and raised. The court says I am an unfit mother because I now live with another woman.

I am the domestic-violence survivor who found the support system grow suddenly cold and distant when they found out my abusive partner is also a woman.

I am the domestic-violence survivor who has no support system to turn to because I am male.

I am the father who has never hugged his son because I grew up afraid to show affection to other men.

I am the home-economics teacher who always wanted to teach gym until someone told me that only lesbians do that.

I am the man who died when the paramedics stopped treating me as soon as they realized I was transsexual.

I am the person who feels guilty because I think I could be a much better person if I didn’t have to always deal with society hating me.

I am the man who stopped attending church, not because I don't believe, but because they closed their doors to my kind.

I am the person who has to hide what this world needs most, love.

Repost this if you think homophobia is wrong.

Re-post this to help stop racism:

Black and White:

A black man was talking to a white man and said: "I'm black. When I was born I was black. When I grew up I was black. When I'm sick I'm black. When I go in the sun I'm black. When I'm cold I'm black. When I die I'll still be black. But you: When you were born you were pink. When you grew up you were white. When you're sick you're green. When you go in the sun you're red. When you're cold you're blue. When you die you'll be purple. And you have the nerve to call me colored. "

XXX

xXDeidara-chanXx