Personel (sp?) Info

Warning: I'm going on hiatus as an ff.net writer. I'm going to be working on an original novel (actually, several from the same world setting and one from a different). I will be writing some fanfictions out that I do have ideas for, but I won't start posting them until they're nearly finished (to guarantee that what happened with my three stories that're posted right now, especially CoT, won't happen again).

NOTE: I was off hiatus for a bit to post my story Illusionary Chains, which I'm

Anything that goes up anytime soon will probably be yuri centric. It's easier for me to write. Currently tossing fanfic ideas around for a femNaruxfemaleHarem fc, a HP slash fic, and a Forgotten Realms fic, although me original novel takes preference

I have an account on mediaminer! So far the only story up is Illusionary Chains. The url is: http://www.mediaminer.org/fanfic/view_ch.php/156230/546257#fic_c

My profile is: http://www.mediaminer.org/user_info.php/164989

Name-Pen-Name-Kitsune-chan, of course.

Gender-Female

Orientation: Bi, though I prefer girls. (Although I write and read mainly yaoi stories, though that's partially cause it's easier to find and there's more of it and more variety)

Where I Live-The planet Earth!

Age-As old as my nose and a few years older than my teeth

Favorite Anime/Manga (Would read even if there wasn't a fandom) (In order of preference): Earthian (both the manga and the OVAs... pity it's such a small fandom...), Death Note, Avatar: The Last Airbender, Demon Diary, Loveless, Fake, Eerie Queerie, Kannazuki no Miko, Hell Girl, Inuyasha, Gals (only read the first 6 manga so far, but it looks good...)

Favorite Fandoms (Includes Manga, Books, and Movies) (In order of preference): Naruto (all time fav fandom!) (can't stand Kishimoto's version), Harry Potter, Star Trek: 2009, Death Note, Avatar:TLA, LotR, Inuyasha, PotC, Loveless, HSM (don't like the movie itself too much, though. And I only like the HSM slash community), Earthian (it's too small of a fandom to place it much higher)

Favorite Books: HONOR HARRINGTON SERIES (awesome sci-fi series by David Weber, that sadly doesn't seem to have much of a following),The Secrets of Jin-shei, Warriors Saga, LOTR, Shadow Children Saga, Alex Rider, Harry Potter, several others

Favorite Movies and TV Series: Pirates of the Caribean, The Last Samurai, Windtalkers, Spirited Away, Naussica of the Valley of the Wind, Yobi the Five-Tailed Fox, a bunch of others. RENT is my favorite, although almost anything by Hayao Miyazaki follows a pretty close second.

Things I Like-Mainly depends on my mood. But mostly I like yaoi, yuri, writing, reading, cooking, drawing, singing, watching vids, listening to music, etc.

I also have an account on FictionPress (dot) com. I've posted a few poems. Anyone care to read them?My user name is Pen-Name-Kitsune-chan (same as here)

Pairings I Like (Haven't gotten around to adding a few of my fav fandoms yet)

Yaoi

ItaNaru (Naruto)

RaitoxL (Death Note)

MelloxMatt (Death Note)

MelloxNear (Death Note)

MelloxMattxNear (Death Note)

HarryxDraco (Harry Potter)

GaaNaru (Naruto)

ItaSess (Inuyasha and Naruto. ya gotta admit this pairing is HAWT)

SoubixRitsuka (Loveless)

SasuNaru (Naruto)

RaitoxMale!Misa (Death Note)

KiraxRaito (Death Note)InuNaru (Naruto and Inuyasha)

IchigoxChad (Bleach)

NarutoxMaleKyuubi (Naruto)

ItaSasu (used to not like this pairing 'cause those two are just not for each other, but I've been pulled in) (Naruto)

SessInu (Inuyasha)

MaleharemxNaruto (Naruto. I have only found two good fics with this so far)

AragornxLegolas (LotR)

BoromirxFaramir (LotR) (Nobody seems to write any of these that are longer than 10,000 words for some reason...)

CollinsxAngel (RENT) (cannon, and an awesome pairing!) (guess this could technically be counted as het...)

MarkxAlmostAnyMale (RENT) (that guy seriously needs some love! he's the only one that doesn't get a pairing!)

MarkxRoger (Roger goes better with Mimi, though)

Zukaang (Avatar)

SnapexHarry (HP)

TomRxHarry (HP)

DrizztxEntreri (Forgotten Realms)

JarlaxlexExtreri (Forgotten Realms)

ZaknafeinxEntreri (Forgotten Realms)

ZaknafeinxJarlaxle (Forgotten Realms)

JarlaxlexDrizzt (Forgotten Realms)

ZaknafeinxDrizzt (Forgotten Realms)

KirkxSpock the Younger (Star Trek 2009)

KirkxSpock Prime (Star Trek 2009)

(Other Trek slash, but nothing major)

Het

SessRin (Inuyasha, grown up Rin of course)

ShippoxRin (Inuyasha; this pairing's super cute)

IchigoxRukia (Bleach)

InuKag (Inuyasha)

NaruHina (Naruto)

RaitoMisa (Death Note)

NarutoxfemKyuubi (Naruto)

RogerxMimi (RENT)

Yuri

AnkoTen (Naruto) (if ya think about it, this makes sense! Tenten's like, obsessed with weapons, and Anko's obsessed with blood! and weapons!)

SakuIno (Naruto)

FemNarutoxHinata (Naruto)

FemNarutoxFemKyuubi (Naruto)

TemaIno (Naruto)

Female!RaitoxMisa (Death Note)

FemNarutoxHarem (Naruto. anyone know where I can find one of these?)

HinaSaku (Naruto)

FemKyuubixHinata (yet another one I can't find)

femKyuubixany female other than an OC or femNaruto

ArwenxEowen (LotR)

TemaHina (Naruto)

KagomexSango (Inuyasha)

MaureenxJoanne (RENT)

yaoi, yuri, and het inventive pairings (like KisaTobi which I have seen!)

Several others. I will read most pairings as long as their well written.

My Prediction for How Naruto's Going to End- Naruto and Kyuubi will have a big battle royal, during which it will be revealed that s/he has a tragic past eerily similar to Naruto's. Then, Naruto will use his magic power of plot-no-jutsu on her, turning Kyuubi into a wonderful do-gooder. After that, everyone will live happily ever after. The End...

Note: I know that I haven't updated any of my stories recently, but I do have a good reason for that! My hard drive recently got wiped, coincidentaly at the exact same time that my hard drive that I'd been backing all my documents up on broke and lost all data. I've also been having major writer's block lately. I'll try to update ASAP, but finals are just around the corner, and all my teachers are going crazy with last-minute tests. I've also got a bunch of end-of-the-year projects due within the next two weeks. I started updating The Clash of Time, but that's now discontinued. I gave up on it.

Stories

Illusionary Chains

Status: Posted; In Progress; Pre-Written; Being rewritten and on hiatus

Updates: Once a week.

Pairing: TemaHina, one-sided NaruHina (Hinata liking Naruto), one-sided GaaNaru (Gaara liking Naruto) mentioned in later chappies

Hinata and Temari are promised to each other through an arranged marriage.

Deadly Fun

Status: Posted; In Progress; Temporarily on Hiatus

Updates: No clue. Chapter length liable to shorten.

Pairing- Eventual ItaNaru. Eventual LxLight. A lot of side pairings, including yuri and yaoi and het.

Note- Naruto and Death Note Crossover

Those who use the Death Note can neither go to Heaven nor to Hell. When Yagami Light dies, his soul is supposed to be sent to become a Shinigami. The Shinigami world is in chaos, though, because of the imbalance that Kira created, and his soul is unguided. Left on it's own Light's soul is drawn to the head Shinigami's Shiki Fuujin seal and ends up in the world of Naruto. Takes place durig the Shippuden series right after Sakura, Naruto, Sai, and Yamato try to save Sasuke from Orochimaru.

Dead. This story might as well be dead. My muse aparently forgot about it.

Don't hold your breath for an update.

Clash of Time

Status: Posted; Ended (well, not finished, but I'm not going to update it). I Give Up. I f-ing give up on this story, because I'm jsut not getting any inspiration for it. My only motivation is that it's my very first story, and I loathe it when authors leave their stories unfinished. But it's not working. Discontinued. I will be attempting to rewrite it, and I actually have a plan for the rewrite, but don't hold your breath.

Updates: Ain't gonna happen.

Pairing-SasuNaru, yaoi and yuri and het side pairings.

During a fight with Akatsuki Naruto releases Kyuubi and is killed. She(Kyuubi) learns the identity of her opponent and with this information in mind decides to recover Naruto's soul and send him back into the past. He lands in his twelve year old body and sets out to change things. Something dark haunts Kyuubi's past, though, and it's begining to catch up to her. Now, when all of the dimensions are on the brink of the greatest war of all time, both Kyuubi and Naruto must make their own decisions. The fate of every living thing hangs in the balance.

Rewritten version WILL be majorly different, I can tell you that.

Path of the Not So Righteous Warrior

Status: Posted; In Progress; Hiatus

Updates: No clue. Chapter length liable to shorten.

Pairing: Two versions posted. One is NaruxFemKyuubi the other is ItaNaru. ItaNaru version has yaoi, yuri, and het side pairings.

At the age of five Naruto is beaten badly by the villagers, only to be rescued by Itachi. Deciding that Naruto's safety and life are even more at risk than ever, the Sandaime assigns Itachi as Naruto's personal bodyguard. When Itachi learns of the darkest secret ever kept by the Uchiha clan he snaps. Now he and Naruto are on the run from not only Konoha and their allies, but the Akatsuki as well. Everyone knows Naruto is a jinchuuriki, so Itachi can't join them.

I've got an idea for a really cool battle sequence that won't even fit well in the story, but would look awesome. Does that count as plot ideas?

Other

My Disorder Rating

Disorder Rating
Paranoid: High
Schizoid: Moderate
Schizotypal: High
Antisocial: Moderate
Borderline: Moderate
Histrionic: High
Narcissistic: High
Avoidant: Very High
Dependent: High
Obsessive-Compulsive: High

URL of the test: http://www.4degreez.com/misc/personality_disorder_test.mv
URL for more info: http://www.4degreez.com/disorder/index.html

The Laws of Anime Version 6.0

Originally compiled and edited by Darrin Bright and Ryan Shellito

1. Law of Metaphysical Irregularity
The normal laws of physics do not apply.

2. Law of Differentiated Gravitation
Whenever someone or something jumps, is thrown, or otherwise is rendered airborn, gravity is reduced by a factor of 4.

3. Law of Sonic Amplification, First Law of Anime Acoustics
In space, loud sounds, like explosions, are even louder because there is no air to get in the way.

4. Law of Constant Thrust, First Law of Anime Motion
In space, constant thrust equals constant velocity.

5. Law of Mechanical Mobility, Second Law of Anime Motion
The larger a mechanical device is, the faster it moves. Armored Mecha are the fastest objects known to human science.

6. Law of Temporal Variability
Time is not a constant. Time stops for the hero whenever he does something 'cool' or 'impressive'. Time slows down when friends and lovers are being killed and speeds up whenever there is a fight.

7. First Law of Temporal Mortality
'Good Guys' and 'Bad Guys' both die in one of two ways. Either so quick they don't even see it coming, OR it's a long drawn out affair where the character gains much insight to the workings of society, human existence or why the toast always lands butter side down.

8. Second Law of Temporal Mortality
It takes some time for bad guys to die... regardless of physical damage. Even when the 'Bad Guys' are killed so quickly they didn't even see it coming, it takes them a while to realize they are dead. This is attributed to the belief that being evil damages the Reality Lobe of the brain.

9. Law of Dramatic Emphasis
Scenes involving extreme amounts of action are depicted with either still-frames or black screens with a slash of bright color (usually red or white).

10, Law of Dramatic Multiplicity
Scenes that only happen once, for instance, a 'Good Guy' kicks the 'Bad Guy' in the face, are seen at least 3 times from 3 different angles.

11. Law of Inherent Combustability
Everything explodes. Everything.
First Corollary - Anything that explodes bulges first.
Second Corollary - Large cities are the most explosive substances known to human science. Tokyo in particular seems to be the most unstable of these cities, sometimes referred to as "The Matchstick City".

12. Law of Phlogistatic Emission
Nearly all things emit light from fatal wounds.

13. Law of Energetic Emission
There is alway an energy build up (commonly referred to as an energy 'bulge') before Mecha or space craft weapons fire. Because of the explosive qualities of weapons, it is believed that this is related to the Law of Inherent Combustability.

14. Law of Inverse Lethal Magnitude
The destructive potential of a weapon is inversly proportional to its size.
First Corollary - Small and cute will always overcome big and ugly. Also know as the A-Ko phenomenon.

15. Law of Inexhaustability
No one EVER runs out of ammunition. That is of course unless they are cornered, out-numbered, out-classed, and unconscious.

16. Law of Inverse Accuracy
The accuracy of a 'Good Guy' when operating any form of fire-arm increases as the difficulty of the shot increases. The accuracy of the 'Bad Guys' when operating fire-arms decreases when the difficulty of the shot decreases. (Also known as the Stormtrooper Effect)
Example: A 'Good Guy' in a drunken stupor being held upside down from a moving vehicle will always hit, and several battalions of 'Bad Guys' firing on a 'Good Guy' standing alone in the middle of an open field will always miss.
First Corollary - The more 'Bad Guys' there are, the less likely they will hit anyone or do any real damage.
Second Corollary - Whenever a 'Good Guy' is faced with insurmountable odds, the 'Bad Guys' line up in neat rows, allowing the hero to take them all out with a single burst of automatic fire and then escape.
Third Corollary - Whenever a 'Good Guy' is actually hit by enemy fire, it is in a designated 'Good Guy Area', usually a flesh wound in the shoulder or arm, which restricts the 'Good Guy' from doing anything more strenuous than driving, firing weaponry, using melee weapons, operating heavy machinery, or doing complex martial arts maneuvres.

17. Law of Transient Romantic Unreliability
Minmei is a bimbo.

18. Law of Hemoglobin Capacity
The human body contains over 12 gallons of blood, sometimes more, under high pressure.

19. Law of Demonic Consistency
Demons and other supernatural creatures have at least three eyes, loads of fangs, tend to be yellow-green or brown (but black is not unknown), and can only be hurt by bladed weapons.

20. Law of Militaristic Unreliability
Huge galaxy-wide armadas, entire armies, and large war-machines full of cruel, heartless, bloodthirsty warriors can be stopped and defeated with a single insignificant example of a caring/loving emotion or a song.

21. Law of Tactical Unreliability
Tactical geniuses aren't...

22. Law of Inconsequential Undetectability
People never notice the little things... Like missing body parts, or wounds the size of Seattle.

23. Law of Juvenile Intellectuality
Children are smarter than adults. And almost always twice as annoying.

24. Law of Americanthropomorphism
Americans in Anime appear in one of two roles, either as a really nasty skinny 'Bad Guy' or a big stupid 'Good Guy'.
First Corollary - The only people who are more stupid than the big dumb Americans are the American translators. (Sometimes referred to as the Green Line Effect.)
Second Corollary - The only people who are more stupid than the American translators are the American editors and censors.

25. Law of Mandibular Proportionality
The size of a person's mouth is directly proportional to the volume at which they are speaking or eating.

26. Law of Feline Mutation
Any half-cat/half-human mutation will invariably:
a) be female
b) will possess ears and sometimes a tail as a genetic mutation
c)and wear as little clothing as possible, if any.

27. Law of Conservation of Firepower
Any powerful weapon capable of destroying/defeating an opponent in a single shot will invariably be reserved and used only as a last resort.

28. Law of Technological User-Benevolence
The formal training required to operate a spaceship or mecha is inversely proportional to its complexity.

29. Law of Melee Luminescence
Any being displaying extremely high levels of martial arts prowess and/or violent emotions emits light in the form of a glowing aura. This aura is usually blue for 'good guys' and red for 'bad guys'. This is attributed to Good being higher in the electromagnetic spectrum than Evil.

30. Law of Non-anthropomorphic Antagonism
All ugly, non-humanoid alien races are hostile, and usually hell-bent on destroying humanity for some obscure reason.

31. Law of Follicular Chroma Variability
Any color in the visible spectrum is considered a natural hair color. This color can change without warning or explanation.

32. Law of Follicular Permanence
Hair in anime is pretty much indestructable, and can resist any amount of meteorological conditions, energy emissions, physical abuse, or explosive effects and still look perfect. The only way to hurt someone's hair is the same way you deal with demons... with bladed weapons!

33. Law of Topological Aerodynamics, First Law of Anime Aero-Dynamics
ANY shape, no matter how convoluted or odd-looking, is automatically aerodynamic.

34. Law of Probable Attire
Clothing in anime follows certain predictable guidelines.
--Female characters wear as little clothing as possible, regardless of whether it is socially or meteorologically appropriate. Any female with an excessive amount of clothing will invariably have her clothes ripped to shreds or torn off somehow. If there is no opportunity to tear off the afore-mentioned female's clothes, then she will inexplicably take a shower for no apparent reason (also known as the Gratuitous Shower Scene).
--Whenever there is a headwind, a Male characters will invariably wear a long cloak which doesn't hamper movement and billows out dramatically behind him.
First Corollary (Cryo-Adaptability) - All anime characters are resistant to extremely cold temperatures, and do not need to wear heavy or warm clothing in snow.
Second Corollary (Indecent Invulnerability) - Bikinis render the wearer invulnerable to any form of damage.

35. Law of Musical Omnipotence
Any character capable of musical talent (singing, playing an instrument, etc.) is automatically capable of doing much more "simple" things like piloting mecha, fighting crime, stopping an intergalactic war, and so on... especially if they have never attempted these things before.

36. Law of Quitupular Aggultination
Also called "The Five-man Rule," when "Good Guys" group together, it tends to be in groups of five. There are five basic positions, which are:
a) The Hero/Leader
b) His girlfriend
c) His Best Friend/Rival
d) A Hulking Brute
e) A Dwarf/Kid
Between these basic positions are distributed several attributes, which include:
--Extreme Coolness
--Amazing intelligence
--Incredible Irritation

37. Law of Extradimensional Capacitance
All anime females have an extradimensional storage space of variable volume somewhere on their person from which they can instantly retrieve any object at a moment's notice.
First Corollary (The Hammer Rule) - The most common item stored is a heavy mallet, which can be used with unerring accuracy on any male who deserves it. Other common items include costumes/uniforms, power suits/armor, and large bazookas.

38. Law of Hydrostatic Emission
Eyes tend to be rather large in Anime. This is because they contain several gallons of water, which may be instantaneously released at high pressure through large tear ducts. The actual volume of water contained in the eyes is unknown, as there is no evidence to suggest that these reservoirs are actually capable of running out. The reason water tends to collect in the eyes is because Anime characters only have one large sweat gland, which is located at the back of the head. When extremely stressed, embarrassed, or worried, this sweat gland exudes a single but very large drop of sebaceous fluid.

39. Law of Inverse Attraction
Success at finding suitable mates is inversely proportionate to how desperately you want to be successful. The more you want, the less you get.
First Corollary Unfortunately, this law seems to apply to Otaku in the real world...

40. Law of Nasal Sanguination
When sexually aroused, males in Anime don't get erections, they get nosebleeds. No one's sure why this is, though... the current theory suggests that larger eyes means smaller sinuses and thinner sinus tissue (see Law #38 above). Females don't get nosebleeds, but invariably get one heck of a blush along the cheeks and across the nose, suggesting a lot of bloodflow to that region.

41. Law of Xylolaceration
Wooden or bamboo swords are just as sharp as metal swords, if not sharper.

42. Law of Juvenile Omnipotence
Always send a boy to do a man's job. He'll get it done in half the time and twice the angst.

43. Law of Quadrotriscadecophobia
There is no Law #43.

44. Law of Nominative Clamovocation
The likelihood of success and damage done by a martial arts attack is directly proportional to the volume at which the full name of the attack is announced.

45. Law of Uninteruptable Metamorphosis
Regardless of how long or involved the transformation sequence or how many times they've seen it before, any 'Bad Guys' witnessing a mecha/hero/heroine transforming are too stunned to do anything to interrupt it.

46. Law of Flimsy Incognition
Simply changing into a costume or wearing a teensy mask can make you utterly unrecognizable to even your closest friends and relatives

Top Reasons Why Gay Marriage Shouldn't be Allowed (Sarcastic):

1) Being gay is not natural. Real Americans always reject unnatural things like eyeglasses, mp3 players, cars, and air conditioning.

2) Gay marriage will encourage people to be gay, in the same way that hanging around tall people will make you tall.

3) Legalizing gay marriage will open the door to all kinds of crazy behavior. People may even wish to marry their pets because a dog has legal standing and can sign a marriage contract.

4) Straight marriage has been around a long time and hasn't changed at all; women are still property, blacks still can't marry whites, and divorce is still illegal.

5) Straight marriage will be less meaningful if gay marriage were allowed; the sanctity of Brittany Spears' 55-hour just-for-fun marriage would be destroyed.

6) Straight marriages are valid because they produce children. Gay couples, infertile couples, and old people shouldn't be allowed to marry because our orphanages aren't full yet, and the world needs more children.

7) Obviously gay parents will raise gay children, since straight parents only raise straight children.

8) Gay marriage is not supported by religion. In a theocracy like ours, the values of one religion are imposed on the entire country. That's why we have only one religion in America.

9) Children can never succeed without a male and a female role model at home. That's why we as a society expressly forbid single parents to raise children.

10) Gay marriage will change the foundation of society; we could never adapt to new social norms. Just like we haven't adapted to cars, the service-sector economy, or longer life spans.

11) Having seperate but equal partnerships for gay couple is completely doable since, as we all know, it worked so well when we had seperate but equal schools for African Americans.

12) Gay marriage should be decided by the people, not the courts, because the majority-elected legislatures, not courts, have historically protected the rights of minorities.

... Re-post this if you believe in legalizing gay marriage

PLEASE READ WHAT'S UNDER THIS!!

I am the girl kicked out of her home because I confided in my mother that I am a lesbian.
I am the prostitute working the streets because nobody will hire a transsexual woman.
I am the sister who holds her gay brother tight through the painful, tear-filled nights.
We are the parents who buried our daughter long before her time.
I am the man who died alone in the hospital because they would not let my partner of twenty-seven years into the room.
I am the foster child who wakes up with nightmares of being taken away from the two fathers who are the only loving family I have ever had. I wish they could adopt me.
I am one of the lucky ones, I guess. I survived the attack that left me in a coma for three weeks, and in another year I will probably be able to walk again.
I am not one of the lucky ones. I killed myself just weeks before graduating high school. It was simply too much to bear.
We are the couple who had the realtor hang up on us when she found out we wanted to rent a one-bedroom for two men.
I am the person who never knows which bathroom I should use if I want to avoid getting the management called on me.
I am the mother who is not allowed to even visit the children I bore, nursed, and raised. The court says I am an unfit mother because I now live with another woman.
I am the domestic-violence survivor who found the support system grow suddenly cold and distant when they found out my abusive partner is also a woman.
I am the domestic-violence survivor who has no support system to turn to because I am male.
I am the father who has never hugged his son because I grew up afraid to show affection to other men.
I am the home-economics teacher who always wanted to teach gym until someone told me that only lesbians do that.
I am the man who died when the paramedics stopped treating me as soon as they realized I was transsexual.
I am the person who feels guilty because I think I could be a much better person if I did not have to always deal with society hating me.
I am the man who stopped attending church, not because I don't believe, but because they closed their doors to my kind.
I am the person who has to hide what this world needs most, love.
I am the person who is afraid of telling his loving Christian parents he loves another male.

Re-post this if you believe homophobia is wrong. Please do your part to end it

If you're against stereotypes, repost this \/ and pick the ones that fit you.

I'm SKINNY, so I MUST be anorexic.

I'm EMO, so I MUST cut my wrists.

I'm a NEGRO so I MUST carry a gun.

I'm BLONDE, so I MUST be a ditz

I'm JAMAICAN so I MUST smoke weed.

I'm HAITIAN so I MUST eat cat.

I'm ASIAN, so I MUST be sexy.

I'm JEWISH, so I MUST be greedy.

I'm GAY, so I MUST have AIDS.

I'm a LESBIAN, so I MUST have a sex-tape.

I SPEAK MY MIND, so I MUST be a bitch.

I'm a GAY RIGHTS SUPPORTER, so I WILL go to hell.

I'm a CHRISTAN, so I MUST think gay people should go to hell.

I'm RELIGIOUS, so I MUST shove my beliefs down your throat.

I'm ATHEIST so i MUST hate the world.

I don't have a RELIGION, so I MUST be evil and have no morals

I'm REPUBLICAN, so I MUST not care about poor people.

I'm DEMOCRAT, so I MUST not believe in being responsible.

I am LIBERAL, so I MUST be gay.

I'm SOUTHERN, so I MUST be white trash.

I TAKE (or used to take) ANTI-DEPRESSANTS, so I MUST be crazy.

I'm a GUY, so I MUST only want to get into your pants.

I'm IRISH, so I MUST have a bad drinking problem.

I'm INDIAN, so I MUST own a convenient store.

I'm NATIVE AMERICAN, so I MUST dance around a fire screaming like a savage.

I'm a CHEERLEADER, so I MUST be a whore...

I'm a DANCER, So i must be stupid, stuck up, and a whore

I wear SKIRTS a lot, so I MUST be a slut.

I'm a PUNK, so I MUST do drugs.

I'm RICH, so I MUST be a conceited snob.

I WEAR BLACK, so I MUST be a goth or emo.

I'm a WHITE GIRL, so I MUST be a nagging, steal-your-money kind of girlfriend.

I'm CUBAN, so I MUST spend my spare time rolling cigars.

I'm NOT A VIRGIN, so I MUST be easy.

I FELL IN LOVE WITH A MARRIED MAN, so I MUST be a home-wrecking whore.

I'm a TEENAGE MOM, so I MUST be an irresponsible slut.

I'm POLISH, so I MUST wear my socks with my sandals

I'm ITALIAN, so I must have a "big one".

I'm EGYPTIAN, so I must be a TERRORIST!!

I'm PRETTY, so I MUST not be a virgin. (so everyone says)

I HAVE STRAIGHT A'S, so I MUST have no social life.

I DYE MY HAIR CRAZY COLORS, so I MUST be looking for attention.

I DRESS IN UNUSUAL WAYS so I MUST be looking for attention.

I'm INTO THEATER & ART, so I MUST be a homosexual.

I'm a VEGETARIAN, so I MUST be a crazy political activist.

I HAVE A BUNCH OF GUY FRIENDS, so I MUST be fucking them all.

I HAVE A BUNCH OF GIRLS WHO ARE FRIENDS, so I MUST be a player.

I have Big BOOBS, so I MUST be a hoe.

I'm COLOMBIAN, so I MUST be a drug dealer.

I WEAR WHAT I WANT, so I MUST be a poser.

I'm RUSSIAN, so I MUST be cool and thats how Russians roll.

I'm GERMAN, so I must be a Nazi.

I hang out with GAYS, so i must be GAY TOO

I'm BRAZILIAN, so I MUST have a BIG BUTT.

I'm PUERTO RICAN, so I MUST look good and be conceited

I'm SALVADORIAN, so I MUST be in MS 13

I'm POLISH, so I MUST be greedy

I'm HAWAIIAN so I MUST be lazy

I'm PERUVIAN, so I MUST like llamas

Im a STONER so i MUST be going in the wrong direction

Im a VIRGIN so i MUST be prude

Im STRAIGHT EDGE so i must be violent.

I'm a FEMALE GAMER, so I MUST be ugly.. or crazy.

I'm BLACK so I MUST love fried chicken and kool-aid.

I'm a GIRL who actually EATS LUNCH, so i MUST be fat.

I'm SINGLE so I MUST be ugly.

I'm a SKATER so I MUST do weed and steal stuff

I'm a PUNK so I MUST only wear black and date only other punks

I'm ASIAN so I must be a NERD that does HOMEWORK 24/7

I'm CHRISTIAN so I MUST hate homosexuals.

I'm MIXED so I MUST be screwed up.

I'm MUSLIM so I MUST be a terrorist.

I'm in BAND, so I MUST be a dork.

I'm BLACK so I MUST believe JESUS WUZ A BROTHA

I'm MORMON so I MUST be perfect

I'm WHITE and have black friends so I MUST think I'm black

I'm GOTH so I MUST worship the devil

I'm HISPANIC, so I MUST be dirty.

I'm NOT LIKE EVERYONE ELSE, so I MUST be a loser.

I'm OVERWEIGHT, so I MUST have a problem with self control.

I'm PREPPY, so I MUST shun those who don't wear Abercrombie & Hollister.

I'm YOUNG, so I MUST be naive.

I'm RICH, so I MUST be a conceited snob

I'm MEXICAN, so I MUST have hopped the border.

I GOT A CAR FOR MY BIRTHDAY, so I MUST be a spoiled brat.

I'm BLACK, so I MUST love watermelon

I'm BI, so I MUST think every person I see is hot.

I'm ASIAN GUY, so I MUST have a small penis.

I'm a GUY CHEERLEADER, so I MUST be gay.

I'm PREP, so I MUST be rich.

I don't like the SUN so I MUST be albino.

I have a lot of FRIENDS, so I MUST love to drink and party.

I wear tight PANTS and I'm a guy, so I MUST be emo.

I couldn't hurt a FLY, So I MUST be a pussy.

I support GAY RIGHTS, so I MUST fit in with everyone.

I hang out with teenage drinkers and smokers, so I MUST smoke and drink too.

I have ARTISTIC TALENT, so I MUST think little of those who don't.

I don't like to be in a BIG GROUP, so I MUST be anti-social.

I have a DIFFERENT sense of HUMOR, so I MUST be crazy.

I tell people OFF, so I MUST be an over controlling bitch.

My hair gets GREASY a lot, so I MUST have no hygiene skills.

I'm DEFENSIVE, so I MUST be over controlling and a bitch.

I'm a NUDIST, so I MUST want everyone to see my boobs.

I read Comics, so I MUST be a loser.

I hang out with a FORMER PROSTITUTE.. So I MUST be a whore myself.

I'm TEXAN so I MUST ride a horse

I’m a GOTH, so I MUST be a Satanist

I’m a CROSSDRESSER, so I MUST be homosexual.

I draw ANIME so I MUST be a freak.

I am a FANGIRL so I MUST be a crazy, obsessed stalker.

I WATCH PORN so I MUST be perverted.

I'm an ONLY CHILD so I MUST be spoiled.

I'm INTELLIGENT so I MUST be weak.

I am AMERICAN so I MUST be an obese, loud-mouthed and arrogant.

I'm WELSH so I MUST love sheep

I’m a YOUNG WRITER, so I MUST be emo.

I’m CANADIAN, so I MUST talk with a funny accent.

I'm a GUY, so I MUST ditch my pregnant girlfriend.

I'm CANADIAN, so I MUST love hockey and beavers.

I'm DISABLED, so I MUST be on Welfare.

I'm a FEMINIST, so I MUST have a problem with sexuality and I want to castrate every man on the earth.

I'm a TEENAGER, so I MUST have a STEREOTYPE.

I WEAR A BIG SUNHAT when I go outside, so I MUST be stupid.

I like BLOOD, so I must be a VAMPIRE.

I'm ALBINO, so I MUST be an evil person with mental abilities and is A MURDERER!

I'm ENGLISH, so I MUST speak with either a cockney or a posh accent, love tea and cricket, and have bad teeth.

I’m WHITE, so I MUST be responsible for everything going wrong on the planet: past, present, and future.

I don't like YAOI or YURI, so I must be a HOMOPHOBE

I’m not the most POPULAR person in school, so I MUST be a loser

I care about the ENVIRONMENT...I MUST be a tree hugging hippy

I have a FAN CHARACTER, so I MUST be an annoying Mary-sue.

I CHAT, I MUST be having cyber sex.

I'm PAGAN so I MUST sacrifice babies and drink the blood of virgins

I'm PAGAN so I MUST worship Satan

I'm CONSERVATIVE, so I MUST be against Abortion

I'm SWEDISH so I MUST be a tall blond blue-eyed lesbian.

I'm a LESBIAN so I MUST want to get with every single girl that I see.

I like CARTOONS, so I MUST be IRRESPONSIBLE.

I like READING, so I MUST be a LONER.

I have my OWN spiritual ideology; therefore I MUST be WRONG or MISGUIDED.

I am WICCAN, so I MUST be a SATANIST.

I DISAGREE with my government, so I MUST be a TERRORIST.

I am a WITCH, so I MUST be and OLD HAG and fly on a broomstick.

I love YAOI, so I MUST be GAY.

I'm a PERSON, so I MUST be LABELED

I DON'T CURSE, so I MUST be an outcast

I like GAMES, ANIME and COMICS, so I MUST be childish

I'm SWEDISH, therefore I MUST be WHITE.

I SPOT GRAMMATICAL ERRORS, so I MUST be a pedantic bastard.

I'm GOTHIC, so I MUST be mean.

I’m STRONG so I MUST be stupid.

I'm Australian so I MUST hunt crocodiles and talk to kangaroo’s

I go to RENFAIRES, so I MUST talk weird, be a loser, and not be up with the times

I’m GAY so I’m after EVERY straight guy around.

I don’t want a BOYFRIEND so I MUST be Lesbian.

I'm NOT CHRISTIAN so I MUST just need converting.

I love marching band, so I MUST be a friendless freak.

I DRINK and SMOKE, so I MUST have no life.

I'm a TEENAGER, so I MUST have no clue

I am QUIET and POLITE, so I MUST be a pushover.

I use GOOD GRAMMAR, so I MUST be a snob.

I prefer FANTASY and SCI-FI, so I MUST be out of touch with reality.

I love TO LEARN so I MUST be boring.

I'm WHITE, so I MUST be a racist.

I'm a GUY with LONG HAIR, so I MUST be a hippie/druggie.

I'm good with COMPUTERS, so I MUST be a nerd/geek.

I'm a GUY, so I MUST love sports.

I'm NOT RELIGIOUS so I MUST be treated like crap until I pray to your god.

I am a GIRL, so boys MUST be better than me at sports.

I am a PUSHOVER, so I MUST have controlling friends

I am a GIRL, so I MUST only be good at work

I am not EMO, so I MUST be uncool.

I am WHITE and I like to DANCE, so I MUST be lame

I don't act DEPRESSED, so I MUST be weird.

I am SKINNY, so I MUST be sensitive about my weight.

I am a CHRISTIAN/CATHOLIC/ANGLICAN/PROTESTANT, so I MUST go to church every Sunday.

I am a CHRISTIAN/CATHOLIC/ANGLICAN/PROTESTANT, so I MUST not do anything on Halloween.

I am POOR, so I MUST not have good hygiene.

I am a HOUSEWIFE, so I MUST have no self respect.

I consider myself 'NORMAL', so I MUST be boring.

Repost this if you believe stereotypes are wrong!

Favorite Videos (in need of updating)

Awareness Test (please watch!): http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Ahg6qcgoay4

Akamaru Hamster Dance: http://www.newgrounds.com/portal/view/324919

Evolution of Dance: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dMH0bHeiRNg

Whisper of the Beast: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YE_mf0wNsRY

Whispers of the Past: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Rx_-BM0a3ww

Sello: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FKh7ny_w6Rw

The Naruto Abridged Series: http://www.dailymotion.com/MasakoX

Naruto- What Have You Done?: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NtV4xtZgBKc

I intend to live to see the day they invent good tasting, calorie free, sugar free, and fat free chocolate(good tasting being the key word), and then to survive long enough to enjoy it

Random Facts: Feel Free to skip this and everything after this until you get to the stories

Time is money, and money is the root of all Evil. Therefore, procrastination is the key to World Peace.

Hilarious: The 213 Things Skippy is No Longer Allowed to Do in the US Army: http://skippyslist.com/?page_id=3

Hippopotomonstrosesquippedaliophobia- the fear of long words

You know you live in 2009 when...

1.) You accidentaly enter your password on a microwave.

2.) You haven't played solitare with real cards for years

3.) The reason for not staying in touch with your friends is they dont have a screenname or my space

4.) You'd rather look all over the house for the remote instead of just pushing the buttons on the TV

6.) Your boss doesn't even have the ability to do your job.

7.) As you read this list you keep nodding and smiling.

8.) As you read this list you think about sending it to all your friends.

9.) and you were too busy to notice number 5.

10.) You scrolled back up to see if there was a number 5.

11.) Now you are laughing at yourself stupidly.

12.) Put this in your profile if you fell for that, and you know you did

Murphy:

Edward A. Murphy and consists of seven basic laws

If anything can go wrong, it will.
If there is a possibility of several things going wrong, the one that will cause the most damage will be the one to go wrong.
If anything just cannot go wrong, it will anyway.
If you perceive that there are four possible ways in which something can go wrong, and circumvent these, then a fifth way, unprepared for, will promptly develop.
Left to themselves, things tend to go from bad to worse.
If everything seems to be going well, you have obviously overlooked something.
Nature always sides with the hidden flaw
Whatever has happened wrong, is bound to happen again ... maybe even worse.

Quotes: Feel Free to Skip

Bookworms will rule the world (after we finish the background reading, that is)

/Start Quote/

"How the hell do you burn down a stone building?"

"Talent." (The real answer was that the building in question was made out of marble, which crumbles/ turns to ash when it gets heated to a certain point)

/End Quote/

Many people are like slinkies. Fun to play with, and you can't help but laugh when they go bouncing down the stairs.-my cousin (don't know whether or not she was quoting someone else)

Some people are like slinkies. Annoying, and you can't help but smile when someone pushes them down the stairs- another version of what my cousin said. There was debate as to her actual words

I don't think that when the teacher gave us that creative writing assignment, she meant for us to actuall create new rules of grammar - a friend of mine, talking to me

"Screw World Domination! They dare to mees with how my trinkets work?!" - Jarlaxle from RonCN's fanfiction the Greatest Prize

The worst thing about war is that so many people enjoy it. -Ellen Glasgow

To be sure of hitting the target, shoot first, and call whatever you hit the target- Ashleigh Brilliant.

Before you criticize someone, you should walk a mile in their shoes. That way, when you criticize them, you are a mile away from them, and you have their shoes- Frieda Norris.

Eagles may soar, but weasels don't get sucked into jet engines- Stephen Wright

Don't run, you'll only die tired. - Army Snipers

"Computer programming today is a race with programmers trying to build bigger and better idiot-proof programs, and the universe trying to build bigger and better idiots. So far, the universe is winning." -- A computer teacher.

A Historian is a Prophet in reverse.-Fredrich von Scheegial (I think that's how it's spelled)

A civilization is not destroyed from without, until it has destroyed itself from within- Apocolypso

Duct tape is like the force: There's a Light side, a Dark side, and it holds the Universe together.

"I liked him better when he was a coward."- Sophie 'Howl's Moving Castle'

Mirror, mirror Lie to me. Show me what I want to see- Everfire

All paths lead to 'Somewhere', some paths lead to 'Anywhere', but only a few lead to 'Nowhere'- BoD chap 43 'The Road to Nowhere'

“Incoming enemy fire has the right-of-way.” --Unknown

“The only thing more accurate than incoming enemy fire is incoming friendly fire.” --Unknown

When people ask "what three things would you bring with you on a desert island?", why doesn't anyone ever reply "A BOAT"?

Don't get high on Life. Cereal hurts when you put it up your nose.

Never go to bed angry. Stay up and plot your revenge.

Avoid fruits and nuts. You are what you eat.

The statistics on sanity are that one out of every four Americans are suffering from some form of mental illness. Think of your three best friends. If they're okay, then it's you. (The moral of this story: hang out with crazy people!)

I don't think my mum gets it when she calls me "son-of-a-bitch"

"Sometimes I get the feeling that the whole world is against me, but deep down I know that's not true. Some smaller countries are neutral..."

I am ready to meet my Maker. Whether my Maker is prepared for the great ordeal of meeting me is another matter.

D.A.R.E= drugs are really expensive

Don't knock on death's door...ring the doorbell and run. He hates that.

Whoever said anything was possible obviously never tried slamming a revolving door.

When life gives you lemons, squirt juice into your enemies' eyes.

The past doesn't exist because it's happened and not therefore only in our imaginations; The future doesn't exist because it's not happened; The present doesn't exist because once it's over it's in the past, which doesn't exist; We don't really exist! Oh no!!

Catapultam habeo. Nisi pecuniam omnem mihi dabis ad capul tuum saxum immane mittam. - I have a catapult. Give me all the money or I will fling an enormous rock at your head

If I were trapped in a single room with two tigers, you, and a gun with two bullets I'd shoot you twice

The Geek shall inherit the Earth

Don't vote. You'll only encourage them

In almost every genocidal regime the intellectuals and free thinkers were 'dealt' with first

Saddam Hussein invades Quwait. So lets invade Iraq, because, as we all know, invading a country is punishable by US and international laws

Don't draw fire. It irritates the people around you

I'm your best friend. If you laugh, I'll laugh. If you hurt, I'll hurt. If you cry, I'll cry. If you jump off a bridge I'll laugh again.

Who discovered we could get milk from cows, and what did he THINK he was doing at the time?!

I intend to live forever or die trying.

I like you. When I destroy the world you shall be the last to die.

If you think talk is cheap, try hiring a lawyer.

Freshmen don't run, they scamper. They're like hamsters.

Prof Rule #1: Never turn the lights out in a lecture hall with students near the door.

When we talk to God it's called prayer. When God talks back it's called schizophrenia.

A closed mouth gathers no feet

My imaginary friend thinks you have serious mental problems.

If at first you don't suceed, destroy all evidence that you ever tried.

If at first you don't suceed, cheat, repeat until caught, then lie.

If at first you don't suceed, then sky diving isn't for you

If at first you don't suceed, redefine sucess.

If at first you don't suceed, then do it the way your mother told you to.

If at first you do suceed, then try not to look too surprised.

You can't spell slaughter without laughter.

Give a man a match and he'll be warm for an hour... Set him on fire and he'll be warm for the rest of his life

My mind works like lightning...one brilliant flash and it's gone.

When it comes to thought, some people stop at nothing.

The optimist proclaims we live in the best of all possible worlds; the pessimist fears it is true.

If the opposite of 'pro' is 'con', then what's the opposite of 'progress'?

Lincoln's Gettysburg address had 266 words, The Ten Commandments has 296 words. The U.S. Department of Agriculture setting the price of cabbage has 15,296 words.

We live in an age where pizza gets to your house before the police.

In theory, everything works.

Do unto others before they do unto to you.

Why be difficult, when with just a little bit of effort, you can be impossible?

Your chances of getting struck by lightning go up if you stand under a tree, shake your fist at the sky, and yell, "Storms suck!"

Heck is the place for people who don't belive in Gosh.

Earth is the insane asylum for the universe.

I'm not a complete idiot. Some parts are missing.

Procrastinate NOW!

If you can keep your head while other people are losing theirs, you probably don't fully understand the situation.

They say the truth will set you free. Then why is it everytime I tell the truth, I get sent to my room?

Sarcasm is one more service we offer.

Insanity is a perfectly rational adjustment to an insane world.

I used to have super powers, but then my therapist took them away.

Your ridiculus little opinion has been noted.

Life is a tragedy for those who feel and a comedy for those who think.

Logic is a systematic method of coming to the wrong conclusion with confidence.

You're just jealous because the voices only talk to ME.

The more you complain, the longer God makes you live.

Hard work has a future payoff. Laziness pays off now.

Out of my mind...Back in five minutes.

Sorry, I got lost in Thought. It was unfamiliar territory.

Keep honking...I'm reloading. (bumber sticker)

God must love stupid people; He made so many.

Where there's a will, I want to be in it.

CONSCIOUSNESS: That annoying time between naps.

Ever stop to think and forget to start again?

Always remember you're unique just like everyone else.

Honk! If you want to see my finger. (bumber sticker)

Next mood swing, ten minutes.

I only eat the stupid people.

I used to have a handle on life, but it broke.

Hang up and drive. (bumper sticker)

If you can read this, I can slam on my brakes and sue you! (bumper sticker. With small print)

Try not to let your mind wander. It is too small to be out by itself.

All stressed out and no one to choke.

How can I miss you if you don‘t go away?

Don‘t upset me! I‘m running out of places to hide the bodies.

If you want breakfast in bed, sleep in the kitchen.

You say you dislike me, but deep down, you know you hate me.

If toast always lands butter side down, and cats always land on their feet, what would happen if you strapped toast on the back of a cat and dropped it?

I'm a vegetarian not because I love animals, but because I hate plants.

2 Wrongs dont make a right, but 3 rights make a left.

When life gives you lemons, make grape juice. Then sit back, and let the world wonder how you did it.

I'm not evil - I have the heart of a little girl! In a jar! On my desk!

Love is made in heavens clouds. But then again, so are thunder, lightning, tornadoes and hail.

It takes 43 muscles to frown and 17 to smile, but it doesn't take any to just sit there with a dumb look on your face.

That which doesn't kill you postpones the inevitable.

Life is like a deck of cards... You need a Heart to love them, a Diamond to marry them, a Club to beat them, and a Spade to bury the bastards.

Often the best thing about not saying anything is it can't be repeated.

I didn't say it was your fault. I said I was going to blame you.

Knowledge is power. Power corrupts. Study hard. BE EVIL!

Come to the dark side. We have chocolate/cookies!

Everyone has the right to be stupid. You are abusing that privledge.

You have the right to remain silent. What you lack is the capacity.

Keep smiling, it makes people wonder what you're up to

Evening news is where they begin with 'Good evening', and then proceed to tell you why it isn't

All trespassers will be shot on sight. All survivors will then be prosecuted to the fullest extent of the law. Have a nice day!

They say hard work never hurts anybody, but why take the chance?

Very funny Scotty; now beam down my clothes

Always and never are two words you should always remember never to use.

You have the right to remain silent. Anything you say can and will be misquoted and used against you

I'd kill for a Noble Peace Prize

The early bird gets the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese

Borrow money from pessimists- they usually don't expect it back

A clear conscience is the sign of a bad memory

When every thing is coming your way you're in the wrong lane

I didn't lose my mind! I sold it on ebay.

I don't suffer from insanity. I enjoy every minute of it.

I haven't lost my mind. It's backed up on the server. (And the network's down again)

I'm not scared of dying. I just don't want to.

Excuse me... Have you seen my sanity? I think I lost it.

There are 10 kinds of people in this world: Those who understand binary notation and those who don't.

Never put off until tommorrow what you can avoid all together

Aim Low, Reach Your Goals, Avoid Disappointment

A conclusion is simply the place where you got tired of thinking

Be nice to your kids. They'll be the ones choosing your nursing home

I am so clever that sometimes I don't understand a single word of what I'm saying

Copying from a sinlge source is called plaguarism, copying from many sources is called research

Always forgive your enemies, but never forget their names

There are two things that are infinite: the Universe and human stupidity. I'm not so sure about the former

America's one of the finest countries anybody ever stole

An American is a man with two arms and four wheels.

The two most common elements in the world are hydrogen and stupidity

Never take life seriously. Nobody gets out alive anyways

Suicide is a way of telling God, "You can't fire me! I quit!"

Insanity is hereditary. You get it from your kids.

Always forgive your enemies: nothing annoys them as much

The future ain't what it used to be

Birthdays are good for you. Statistics show that those who have the most live the longest

Flying is simple. You just throw yourself at the ground and miss

Most people are only alive because it's illegal to shoot them

Some say the glass is half empty, other say the glass is half full. I say, "Are you going to drink that?"

As far as we know our computer has never had an undetected error

If the aliens are looking for intelligent life then why are you scared?

Why does a slight tax increase cost you two hundred dollars and a substantial tax deduction save you twenty cents?

We should forgive our enemies, but only after they've been taken out and shot

There's no use in being pessimistic. It wouldn't work anyways

The secret to sucess in sicinerity. Once you can fake that you're good.

I'm not as dumb as you look

I don't have a license to kill. I have a learner's permit

Some say that I have A.D.D. That's really not... OOOOOOHHHH!! SHINY!!

Theres always a way out, and sometimes it comes with missle launchers

"Some of the worst sinners are the world's happiest people."

"Yu-Gi-Oh: Multiple personality disorder ... with cards!"

"Never underestimate the power of stupid people in large groups."

"A life? COOL! Where can I download one of those!"

"One day we'll look back at this moment, laugh nervously, then change the subject."

"I assume full responsibility for my actions, except the ones that are someone else's fault."

"There are no stupid questions, just stupid people asking questions."

I like work. It facinates me. I sit and stare at it for hours.

There are never any personal problems which cannot be solved through suitable application of high explosives

42.7 percent of all statistics are made up on the spot

Murphy's Law=80 percent of the final exam will be based on the one lecture you missed and the one book you didn't read

When you do a good deed get a reciept in case Heaven is like the IRS

I took an IQ test and the results were negative

My parents taught me how to walk and talk. Now all they want me to do is sit down and be quiet!

Anyone who has ever said 'As easy as taking candy from a baby' has obviously never tried it

If you try to fail, and suceed, which have you done?

Why is it called tourist seaon if we can't shoot them?

If it's stupid but works, it isn't stupid.

If the enemy is in range, so are you.

If you find yourself in a fair fight you didn't plan your mission properly!

If your attack is going well, you have walked into an ambush.

Never tell the Platoon Sergeant you have nothing to do.

Never trust a private with a loaded weapon, or an officer with a map.

No combat ready unit has ever passed inspection.

No inspection ready unit has ever passed combat.

Odd objects attract fire - never lurk behind one.

Officer: 'Why did you shoot that terrorist 27 times?' SAS Trooper's reply: 'I ran out of bullets, sir.'

The easy way is always mined.

The side with the simplest uniforms wins.

There is no such thing as an atheist in a foxhole.

Try to look unimportant, they may be low on ammo.

When in doubt empty the magazine.

When the pin is pulled, Mr. Grenade is not our friend.

When you're short of everything but the enemy, you're in combat.

Who cares if a laser guided 500 lb bomb is accurate to within 9 feet?

"Randomness is the base of conversation.”

"I hear highschool's easier the second time around."

"I will temporarily rule the world, forever."

"Some things children's eyes shouldn't see...your face is one of them."

"Impotence...Nature's way of saying ‘No hard feelings’,”

"If you needed help in killing yourself, you could have asked. I'd be happy to oblige."

"Hell is actually a lot hotter than this room, but the joy levels about the same."

“If you are going to burn, you have to burn RIGHT,”

"If you don’t leave now, I will personally kill you, then spend the rest of my life dancing on your grave the moment I can actually move again."

"I think we’ve had a bad influence on him, he’s as crazy as we are."

"I'll have you know I am ROYAL!"-"A Royal PAIN!"

"Pest."-/At your service. /-(With a smile.)

"I SWEAR TO DRUNK I’M NOT GOD!"

“If there’s anything more important than my ego, I want it caught and shot now.”

"If you fall off a cliff, you might as well try to teach yourself to fly on the way down.

We’ve just witnessed a classic case of something called ‘misdirected rage.’ I believe the technical term is ‘being an ass.’

Power corrupts. Absolute power is nifty.

Do not meddle in the affairs of dragons, for thou art crunchy and taste good with ketchup.

Sorry, I don't have time to be arrested.

“Well, that was a nine-point-nine on the ‘Weird-Shit-O-Meter’.

It's all fun and games until someone loses an appendage. Then it's just a game of keep away!

It's only funny until someone gets hurt. Then it's f-ing hilarious!

First God made idiots. That was for practice. Then he made school boards- Mark Twain.

Clothes make the man. Naked people have little or no influence on society- Mark Twain.

Get your facts first. And then you can distort them as much as you please- Mark Twain.

I'm all in favor of keeping dangerous weapons out of the hands of fools. Let's start with typewriters. - Frank Lloyd Wright

25 TRUTHS OF LIFE...

1. If you're too open-minded, your brains will fall out.

2. Don't worry about what people think, they don't do it very often.

3. Going to church doesn't make you a Christian any more than standing in a garage makes you a car.

4. Artificial intelligence is no match for natural stupidity.

5. If you must choose between two evils, pick the one you've never tried before.

6. My idea of housework is to sweep the room with a glance.

7. Not one shred of evidence supports the notion that life is serious.

8. It is easier to get forgiveness than permission.

9. For every action, there is an equal and opposite government program.

10. If you look like your passport picture, you probably need the trip.

11. Bills travel through the mail at twice the speed of checks.

12. A conscience is what hurts when all of your other parts feel so good.

13. Eat well, stay fit, die anyway.

14. Men are from earth. Women are from earth. Deal with it!

15. No man has ever been shot while doing the dishes.

16. A balanced diet is a cookie in each hand.

17. Middle age is when broadness of the mind and narrowness of the waist change places.

18. Opportunities always look bigger going than coming.

19. Junk is something you've kept for years and throw away three weeks before you need it.

20. There is always one more imbecile than you counted on.

21. Experience is a wonderful thing. It enables you to recognize a mistake when you make it again.

22. By the time you can make ends meet, they move the ends.

23. Thou shall not weigh more than thy refrigerator.

24. Someone who thinks logically provides a nice contrast to the real world.

25. It ain't the jeans that make your butt look fat.

Don't let school interfere with your education- Mark Twain

Results! Why man, I have gotten a lot of results! I know several thousand things that won't work!- Thomas A. Edison.

Opourtunity is missed by most people because it is dressed in overalls and looks like work- Thomas A. Edison.

Millions long for immortality, but do not know what to do with themselves on a rainy Sunday afternoon- Susan Ertz.

Thinking is the hardest work there is, which is probably why so few engage in it- Henry Ford.

Failure is the opourtunity to begin again... more intelligently- Henry Ford.

A bank is a place that loans you an umbrella in fair weather, then ask for it back when it begins to rain- Robert Frost.

A jury consists of twelve persons chosen to decide who has the better lawyer- Robert Frost.

The world is full of willing people. Some of them willing to work, the rest willing to let them- Robert Frost.

The brain is a wonderful organ. It starts working the moment you get up in the morning and does not stop until you get into the office- Robert Frost.

Even if you're on the right track you'll get run over if you just sit there- Arthur Godfrey

In politics, stupidity is not a handicap. - Napoleon Bonaparte

'Where's your sense of adventure?' 'At home in bed where every good sense of adventure should be at 7:30 AM' -overheard in calculus class

(on a lecturer's door): The probability of finding me in this office is inversely proportional to the magnitude of your urgency.

...Yes, the lectures are optional. Graduation is also optional.

Chi ni hatarakeba kado ga tatsu. Jō ni saosaseba nagasareru. Iji o tōseba kyūkutsu da. Tonikaku hito no yo wa suminikui.("Use your intellect to guide you, and you will end up putting people off. Rely on your emotions, and you will forever be pushed around. Force your will on others, and you will live in constant tension. There is no getting around it—people are hard to live with.)

Humans are probably the most conflicted, complicated beings in the universe. They don't make any sense. I have never seen a race to inclined to destroy yet bound to show mercy. As I said, absolute madness. Nothing good can come from involvement with humanity

A comfortable falsehood will always win out over an uncomfortable truth.

A drunk mans' words are a sober mans' thoughts.

I'm sane, it's the world that's crazy"

It takes a second to meet someone, an hour to like someone, a day to love someone, and a lifetime to forget someone.

Funny isn't it; how you push away those that love you, and welcome those that hate you,

They say home is where the heart is. Well, my home must be Hell because that's where my heart seems to be stuck.

Our neighborhood is full of weirdos. We fit right in!

If he rips my arms off I'll kick him to death. If he rips my legs off I'll bite him to death. If he rips my head off I'll stare him to death. And if he gouges my eyes out I'll curse him from beyond my grave!

The only emotional ties I have with my family are the ones I'd like to wrap around their necks (I think Gaara from Naruto said this, but I'm not sure)

Children. We are here to exchange money. Not squabble about your nonexistent past lives. Now the nice goblins are waiting to take your money and open a bank account for you. Please try to at least act like normal, quiet, peaceful, law-abiding citizens for once in your damned lives.

IT’S ON FIRE, IT’S ON FIRE, AND FIRE IS HOT!

Now you know that evil will always triumph because good is stupid.

I had a flat tire and so went to get a spare at a gas station and the attendant looks at me and asks 'did you get a flat?' 'No, I was just driving along and the other three just swelled up on me!' with out missing a beat he says 'well, they'll do that.'

Most Annoying thing to McDonald's employees: I would like a plain cheeseburger with with ketchup and no cheese.

Nuclear Fission is nice, but none of the really cosmic breakthroughs can hope to surpass the utility and availability of the white 5-gallon plastic bucket. - J. Taylor Buckley

I reject your reality and substitute my own.-Adam, Mythbusters

Only in war are you holy, and when you are robbers and cruel. -Friedrich Nietzsche

In war personal revenge maintains its silence. -Friedrich Nietzsche

Why do people who know the least know it the loudest?

When you choke a smurf, what color does it turn?

What was the best thing before sliced bread?

Experience is what you get when you didn't get what you wanted. It's like the consolation prize of life.

The quickest way to a man's heart is through his chest

You know, men and women are a lot alike in certain situation. Like when they're on fire-they're exactly alike

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You seem like a decent guy. I'd hate to have to kill you.-Jack Sparow from Pirates of the Carribean: The Black Pearl

You seem like a decent guy, too. I'd hate to die.-Will Turner

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"I'd make a good Naruto!"-my brother, talking about who he wants to cosplay

"Yah, you're both idiots."-me

"Hey!"-my brother

"I was just joking! I don't think Naruto's an idiot!"-me

"-glare-"-my brother

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I'll be perfectly fine swimming on my own. I have never drowned in my whole life!-me after getting my head slammed into the ocean floor a few too many times