"I don't get angry, I get even"

-anonymous

"Damn the torpedoes, full speed ahead!"

-Admiral David Glasgow Farragut (1801-1870)

Eagles may fly, but weasels don't get sucked into jet engines.

A good conscience is the sign of a bad memory.

Hello all! Celeste speaking. I love StarTrek: The Original Series and StarTrek: 2009, and am a strident K/S shipper. I also love politics. Go figure. My story Without Direction is the product of these loves, though I couldn't quite manage to get K/S in there, so they're just really good friends. Humph. Maybe next time.

1) Crack open your briefcase or handbag, peer inside and ask "Got enough air in there?"
2) Stand silent and motionless in the corner facing the wall without getting off.
3) When arriving at your floor, grunt and strain to yank the doors open, then act as if you're embarrassed when they open themselves.
4) Greet everyone with a warm handshake and ask him or her to call you Admiral.
5) Meow occasionally.
6) Stare At another passenger for a while. Then announce in horror: "You're one of THEM," and back away slowly
7) Say DING at each floor.
8) Say "I wonder what all these do?" And push all the red buttons.
9) Make explosion noises when anyone presses a button.
10) Stare, grinning at another passenger for a while, then announce: "I have new socks on."
11) When the elevator is silent, look around and ask: "Is that your beeper?"
12) Try to make personal calls on the emergency phone.
13) Draw a little square on the floor with chalk and announce to the other passengers: "This is my personal space."
14) When there's only one other person in the elevator, tap them on the shoulder, then pretend it wasn't you.
15) Push the buttons and pretend they give you a shock. Smile, and go back for more.
16) Ask if you can push the button for other people but push the wrong ones.
17) Hold the doors open and say you're waiting for your friend. After a while, let the doors close and say "Hi Greg, How's your day been?"
18) Drop a pen and wait until someone reaches to help pick it up, then scream: "That's mine!"
19) Bring a camera and take pictures of everyone in the lift.
20) Pretend you're a flight attendant and review emergency procedures and exits with the Passengers.
21) Swat at flies that don't exist.
22) When you get inside jump on everyone there.