Well, since it seems pretty sad to have absolutely nothing here, I'll just say I love reading more than writing so there's little chance of anything more than my story from high school being put up here. I do hope you enjoy my favorites though. : )

I've read quite a few stories over the years, but some lines in some stories just stand out the most; here are some of my favorite quotes:

“I’m sorry,” Kakashi said lazily but with all seriousness, bowing slightly. “There was a mistake. I’m not giving out any free pie.”

-Love is the Strongest Energy

“We aren’t talking about baby animals,” objected Megumi. “We are talking about magical manifestations.”

“Manifestations that acted just like puppies!”

-Kaoru from The Slumbering City

Gokudera beamed at him. Tsuna could practically feel the death rays of happiness stabbing him.

-Snow Feather

“I hope he enslaves your mind with the Millennium Rod and makes you do ballet naked in the street.”

The former Pharaoh stared at his captive again.

“Ballet?” He held up a hand to forestall any explanation. “Never mind. Your petty amusements aren’t worth my time. Wait. Did you say your brother’s toy can enslave minds?”

“Uh…. No?” Mokuba offered.

-Shadow Rising

“Tsunade-sama!” Shizune appeared out of no-where, “You can’t use language like that in front of an impressionable infant! They learn how to speak by imitation!”

Tsunade waved off the complaint. “What are you talking about? He’s a man, isn’t he? He can swear at whoever he wants. Isn’t that right, Naru-chan?” Tsunade cooed, “You’re going to grow up and swear at all the assholes that deserve it, aren’t you? Yes you are! Yes you are!” She finished, rubbing the infant’s stomach affectionately, who giggled in response.

Shizune was quite horrified. “Tsunade-sama! No, I won’t allow it, you’re corrupting him!” Shizune declared as she stole her young and impressionable little brother from her mentor. “You’re intentionally swearing more than you do normally!”

“Of course I am!” Tsunade shot back, “My Naru-chan won’t take crap from anyone. He’s going to grow up and tell off all kinds of people: perverts, lawyers, political powers, old man Sarutobi…” she trailed off.

“No way! He’s my precious ototou and I won’t let you set such a bad example!”

“I’m his mother, and I’ll teach him to swear like a f--ng sailor if I want to!”

“Nooo!” Shizune cried, covering Naruto’s ears, “ototou, don’t listen!”

“You what?.! ” Jiraiya blustered. “You’re pretending that you don’t know who I am!”

“Oh yes. Well, it’s all very new-age. Reject reality and pretend your problem’s something else and eventually some other person will deal with it” guard one informed

-Tsunade’s Heir

“There is somebody out to kill me right now.”

Wow, what a retard. The assassin, I mean. Doesn’t he know there’s already a long line of people wanting to take a sword and stab it up Orochimaru-sama’s ass? Apparently he’s cutting the line...not a good idea, since it contains people like Itachi and me – er...I mean, not me, of course.

‘Cos of course, I love Orochimaru-sama. I love him so freaken much that it seems like I can almost kill him sometimes...heh, yeah, that’s what I meant of course...

I realized that Orochimaru was expecting a reply, so I uttered the first thing that came to my mind.

“Well...that kinda sucks.”

-Threaded Love

Imachick, Imagirl, Imaprettygrrrrl, Imahotlady, stay in character moron. (Naruto)

Jiraiya nodded. “Okay Operation sneak out pregnant Naruto is in order. Phase one: Lie to Tsunade like a lying liar who lies.”

-Ambivalence

“Little brother,” Itachi said walking toward him, slipping the cigar in his breast pocket before making his own drink, “Quiet as always. One would think you didn’t miss me.”

Sasuke smirked and took a sip from his glass, “Well, you know what they say, absence makes the heart grow fonder… I loved you when you were gone.”

-I Want, You Wish Whatever

“What is the librarian saying?” Master Fung asked.

“Something about us trespassing and Omi having to be offered as a sacrifice,” Rai answered ,”You know minor details like that.”

The group paled, Omi especially. Meanwhile the librarian continued to talking

/...While I thought the setting was somewhat refreshing, I found the idea of how particular characters were conceived rather mind boggling.../

“Now he's saying something about gutting Clay and turning him into a bed side cabinet.”

“Well come on,” Clay objected, “that ain't right!”

“Don't worry Clay,” Rai said, “He's bluffing.”

“How can ya be so sure?”

“The guy doesn't sleep,” Rai answered, “so what use would he have for bed.”

“Awww would ya look at that,” Clay said as he fawned over his old report, “I actually believed that while Lamark's theory was greatly flawed, there is still the possibly for events in an individual's life span affecting them on a genetic level.”

Everyone just stared at Clay for moment.

“Err,” Clay said, becoming slightly nervous, “I also drew a neat picture of a cave man riding a dinosaur.”

Master Fung walked up to Rai, who was still passed out in the courtyard.

“Rai...”

Rai suddenly sat up.

“Damanation woman! How much more must my body give before your sadistic urges are sated?!”

When Rai realised who was actually standing there, things got slightly awkward.

“Just for the record, that didn't come out right.”

“Noted,” Master Fung said, “I just came here to thank you for you're help today with retrieving the Shen Gong Wu.”

“Not a problem,” Rai said, “Always glad to help my new allies.”

“I am so glad to hear you say that because I have decided for you to help the young Dragons permanently.”

“Wait, What?”

“From now on you will be part of the team retrieving Shen Gong Wu.”

“You mean I have to go through more of this?!” Rai asked in disbelief.

“Think of it as a good learning experience.”

At that, Rai lay back down and went into the foetal position.

“Can I go back to being a statue now?”

“Guan! Its you!” Rai exclaimed, “I don't believe it...you're Bald!”

There was a moment of awkward silence.

“Alive,” Rai corrected himself, “what I meant to say was 'alive'.”

“Yes, that would certainly have been a better response,” Guan agreed.

There was another moment of awkwardness.

“So...are we going start trying to kill each another now or can I first unpack?”

“I have no intention of killing you,” Guan said.

“Uh I said 'trying',” Rai replied.

-Demon of the Wind

In the same code, his cousin replied, “When she hits the floor, use Ennervate. Stoke the hysteria if you can.”

“Gryffs don’t get hysterical; they go into foaming barbarian rages.”

“That will suffice.”

-Heir of Slytherin

“Oh yes, that. Harry bit me.”

Someone dropped their glass of champagne, but that was the only sound for almost half a minute. Snape felt decidedly less surprised than everyone else, and wished he had just stayed home.

“Dare I ask ‘why’?” Snape said, deciding he’d rather move the conversation along so he could sort out a suitable punishment for when the boy returned to school.

“It was my fault really. I shouldn’t have put my hand so close to his mouth. Lucius, you’re a father. Have you ever had that happen before?”

Malfoy Sr. blinked, quickly recovering from his surprised stupor to nod.

“Yes, once, but that was when Draco was four, and rather adamant to convince me he was a real dragon.”

-Prince of the Dark Kingdom

The Department of Mysteries was giving Harry neither help nor materials so he went “ingredient shopping” at a muggle pet store.

Hermione drew the line at three puppies when she discovered Adios, Sayonara, and Geronimo’s empty collars. Perhaps Harry shouldn’t have blurted out in anger that the last one in his closet was going to have her name changed from Toodles to Hermione.

Needless to say, Ron and Hermione reluctantly got a new puppy. After refusing to call the young poop factory either Toodles or Hermione, they settled on the name Padfoot. Primarily as a preventive measure in hopes that it would keep Harry from chucking her into the Exit as well.

“Oh before I forget,” Harry grinned stopping in front of his bedroom door. “Did you notice the cute and dainty way your wand whistles?”

“That’s not-”

“Good night, Sirius,” Harry said walking into his bedroom and closing the door.

“It’s not a whistle!” Sirius insisted, yelling through Harry’s door. “You hear me, Harry? It’s a manly sound of success. Not a whistle!”

Harry nodded. “I just got a bad feeling. By giving Jimmy a mirror, now he’ll most likely never have an occasion to need to use it. But if I’d thought about it, and I’d not given him the mirror, then inevitably he would have needed it.”

Albus stroked his beard. “I knew a man who utilized similar logic. On the days that clear weather was especially important, he would always carry an umbrella, in hopes to stave off the rain. It worked for him twice.”

“See? Exactly,” Harry agreed.

Albus thinned his lips adding, “And then it rained for two years straight.”

Harry responded with the strongest logic in his arsenal. “You’re a poohead too. Goodbye,” Harry said as he left the office

-A Black Comedy

Harry knew then, he was dead and he was in Hell, Sylus had to be Satan and this was his fate for killing himself. Those who committed suicide were to be eternally surrounded by creepily joyful people while you suffered from a hangover of the millennium.

-Eclipsed Moon

Oh. Was all this talk about Darkness and prophecies a sign that Harry was starting to think about his parents’ deaths? This could become emotional – he hoped he had extra handkerchiefs in his drawer. “Yes, you can ask me,” he said, uncharacteristically tentative.

“Can you Imperius a chicken?” Harry asked.

Snape stared at him. Whatever he had been expecting, this wasn’t it. “I don’t know,” he said finally. “Can you Imperius a chicken?”

-Saving a Friend

“Shh. All right, all right. That’s enough,” Snape soothed as Harry wept into his robes, hoping to calm the little fiend quickly. He wasn’t being caring, dammit, it was just that prolonged emotional outbursts made his head hurt.

-Finding a Home

"As for your disrespect –"

"I was on fire," Harry protested, looking up in alarm. "Whatever someone says when they’re on fire shouldn’t count."

Snape was fumbling with the keys, and Harry shot him a worried look.

“You do know how to drive, right?”

“Yes, Potter, I know how to drive. I read the manual last night.” Snape pushed a button and his window rolled down. “See? And here,” he pushed another button and all the locks went down on the doors, “child proof locks. I’m the only who can unlock them. And you turn the wheel in the direction you want to go. Here, let’s go.” Snape shoved the key into the ignition and turned the engine on.

I’m going to die was Harry’s only thought as he leaned back in his seat and gripped the arms tightly.

Snape, with his usual agility, stepped out of the way. The huge spell blazed across the room and exploded against the far wall where many china plates hung on the wall around a large, brass-framed mirror.

Harry stared at it, forgetting to blink, forgetting to move, forgetting to breathe. He prayed nothing would happen. Maybe the spell was absorbed or deflected by the mirror.

And then the plates dropped. One by one, like harsh notes in a musical clip, until all fifteen plates lay broken in a hundred pieces on the wooden floor.

"Well," Harry said in a very small voice, "it’s just a few plates."

Two seconds of silence, and then the mirror fell. It fell straight to the floor and flopped forward. Harry heard the glass of the mirror shatter underneath the frame.

"And a mirror," Harry barely whispered.

Five seconds of quiet. And the whole wall fell backwards.

The entire wall fell back into the room behind it. Even through the haze of dust, Harry could see the wall lying in chunks on the floor of – oh, no, Snape’s study. The wall had fallen into Snape’s study, Snape’s sodding study!

"Oh, come on!" Harry yelled at the wall, hoping that might make the wall spring back into place.

“Thanks,” Harry said to Neville. “That’s a fantastic gift. All of you – brilliant gifts. I would have never come up with anything as clever. Don’t invite me to any of your parties because I’ll show up with something awful like a gift certificate to Flourishes and Blots.”

“A what?” Ron asked, confused.

“Exactly,” Harry said.

“My cousin once showed up at my great-aunt’s party with a tub of balled up tissues,” Seamus remembered. “He was going to bewitch them to float around her like snowballs to scare her or make her laugh, I forget which. He said the wrong spell, and they all formed a snowman that tried to eat her. Yeah – we don’t talk to that cousin anymore.”

-A Time and a Place to Grow

“There's a big difference between mostly dead and all dead. Now, mostly dead is slightly alive. Now, all dead...well, with all dead, there's usually only one thing that you can do,” Luna said, grinning.

“Go through his clothes and look for loose change,” Harry finished. “I love Princess Bride! You know,” he said, turning to his three best friends. “I don’t know what it is, but lately Luna’s been beating you guys in the friends department hands down.”

“It’s not our fault we’re not insane,” Hermione said, crossing her arms. “No offense, Luna.”

“Why would I be offended?” Luna asked. “I’ve seen your version of sanity. It bores me.”

-Oh God Not Again!

As the cupboard door slammed shut and Harry sneezed from the dust, he realized that the situation might just have gotten crappier. Then again, this could all just be a crazy dream and he would wake up to a nice bottle of milk and kisses from his parents. This was all just a figment of his overactive imagination. No more smooshed carrots before bedtime. Yes. A nightmare brought on by indigestion.

After Harry stopped being in denial he felt a great urge to swear. However, he settled on gurgling. Angrily.

A spit bubble of rage followed.

-Necromancers Anonymous

“You have progressed far enough in your training to be allowed to decide what to call me by yourself.”

Robin stared up at him, feeling very happy for some strange reason. Then his lingering fever apparently threw his brain a curve ball, because he smiled widely at the man.

“Then I think I’ll call you Bob.” he declared.

-Delightful Drables

“Couldn’t you also make food?” Neji asked, raising his voice so Ed could hear him over the shouting, chattering maids, who were excessively happy about regaining the opportunity to turn down sheets and clean bathrooms.

“I could, but it doesn’t taste very good,” Ed said.

“That part I understand,” Tenten said. “But I want to know what the hell you plan to do with the 10,000 hotel pillow mints they’re trading you.”

“I plan to give up brushing my teeth,” Ed said.

-The Truth Decays

When Harry returned in the early evening, Luna greeted him with a smile that seemed to be just a little too innocent and too cheerful. Harry stared at her suspiciously and nearly jumped when a forceful poke was delivered to his ankle.

Harry stared down and saw a small cat that stared back at him for a fleeting moment.

“You brought a cat!” Harry snapped, slightly shocked by what seemed like a betrayal of his trust at this point. “While I was gone, you brought a cat!”

“Yes,” Luna confessed bravely.

“That's not right – Luna how could you?”

Another moment later the cat ran away, heading down for the cellar. Even though the cat moved at lightning speed, Harry still noticed that something was off with its gait.

“Something is wrong with the cat,” Harry said. “He's limping.”

“He's missing a hind leg,” Luna said serenely.

“I see,” Harry said bitterly. “So, you obviously decided that my life wasn't complicated enough at this point, and you've gifted me with a three-legged cat.”

“He's a very friendly cat,” Luna protested. “He's been living in a church graveyard for the last two years.”

“You stole a three-legged cat from a church??” Harry exclaimed indignantly.

“Yes, but that's all right. You need him more than they do,” Luna said. “By the way, his name is Tripod.”

“His name isn't the point!”

For the first time something like doubt entered Luna's voice. “I thought you liked cats.”

-Proof of Life

"During Harry's Potions class on Friday, I would like you to stage an incident."

"An incident?" Snape's eyebrows soar to his hairline. "Of what kind?"

"Oh, the sort that usually occurs whenever you combine easily distracted teenagers with volatile potion ingredients. An exploding cauldron, perhaps? Or maybe something less incendiary. I'm sure you can arrange the details so as not to risk serious injury to any of your students."

"If it is a brewing mishap you require, I doubt I shall have to try very hard to produce it," Snape says. "The odds are excellent that one will occur with no intervention from me. But what purpose will it serve?"

"I am coming to that," Dumbledore says. "Now: whether or not it is plausible—indeed, the less plausible the better, perhaps—you will find a way to blame Harry for what has occurred. You will be quite vicious, even for you. Take as many points as you like, I will find a way of returning them later." Dumbledore's eyes grow distant, considering. "A few detentions may be in order as well. And a great deal of ranting. The ranting is quite the material point. Nobody observing you should be left in the slightest doubt of your feelings for Harry. You have free reign to be quite as unpleasant as you possibly can."

Snape blinks at him, feeling as though the world has shifted on its axis. "You do realize," he says, "that my birthday is not until January."

-The Poor of God

Roy grinned triumphantly as he held up the yipping pooch. “Ladies and gentlemen, allow me to introduce the newest member of the Elric-Mustang family.” The puppy barked happily and wagged its tail.

Fuery crooned, but then saw Havoc approaching the dog and pushed him away, warning him to not even mention making him into a stir-fry.

Riza smiled as she watched Black Hayate approach Roy with a wagging tail looking up anxiously at the pup. “So, what is his name?”

Roy faltered and frowned. He looked away and mumbled something.

”What was that?” Ed called out from the other side of the room with a grin. “I didn’t quite hear you.”

”His name is head.”

Riza blinked and Breda let out a laugh, which was a cut off by a snort and some feigned coughing. Fuery blinked and sputtered.

Roy looked at each face. “Hey, it’s not my idea. Ed named him. And it’s a much better name than the first one he was going to give him.”

”I still say we should call him ‘Get the out Of My Way You Little .”

Fuery nearly fainted.

-Pet Problems (I know it’s not as funny w/out the right words, but I really don’t appreciate swearing)

"We won't, we'll be back on Monday. Even back in the dorms, if you want." Potter hesitated. "Even - even Slytherin, if you want, I mean it'd be only fair-"

"Don't be daft," Draco said absently, pulling out non-classroom clothing. "I'm not going back to Slytherin until things have settled down."

"What? Why?"

"My housemates would rip you to pieces, Potter. You know that," Draco pulled on a shirt. "Your housemates are fluffy and cuddly and give me liquorice melts."

-Bond

“Sorry kid, I don’t know any ninja and I try to keep it that way.”

“Aw!” Naruto said. “How come you don’t like ninja?”

“I didn’t say I didn’t like them,” the teenager said. “I’m just trying to stay out of trouble, and ninja and trouble are synonymous in this country.”

“What’s synonymous?” Naruto asked.

“It means the same thing.”

“The same thing as what?” Naruto asked.

The teenager sighed again. “If I buy you food, will you stop talking?”

“Uh…sure!” Naruto said.

He tried to picture a way to get them back. What kind of stunt could he pull that would affect only their military?

I could burn down the ugly sandal factory. That would show those crazy toe exhibitionists.

“Yeah!” Naruto said. “He’s my friend, but he won’t answer any questions that the security jerks are asking, so they won’t let him out. But he’s mad and all he does is curse and stuff. They threaten him and he won’t say anything. They tried to bribe him and stuff, but he doesn’t care, but if he doesn’t say something soon, it’s just going to get worse.”

“Maybe you should get a pretty girl to ask him,” Ino suggested. “Guys usually talk too much around pretty girls they want to impress.”

“That’s a great idea! Hey Ino, do you know any pretty girls?”

The killing intent washed over him, and for once he was quick enough on the uptake.

Naruto gulped. “I’d ask you, but…heh heh….you’re busy with your flowers and stuff. Did I mention I’m sorry that I almost jumped on your head?” Naruto said. “And that you’re pretty.”

“I usually don’t work on this kind of scale,” Ed said. “Of course, most places I’ve been haven’t been trashed in a ninja war.”

“I mean, asking so little in exchange for repairs worth millions,” Neji said.

“I can make almost anything I need,” Ed said. “What do I need a bunch of stamped paper for?”

“Couldn’t you also make food?” Neji asked, raising his voice so Ed could hear him over the shouting, chattering maids, who were excessively happy about regaining the opportunity to turn down sheets and clean bathrooms.

“I could, but it doesn’t taste very good,” Ed said.

“That part I understand,” Tenten said. “But I want to know what the hell you plan to do with the 10,000 hotel pillow mints they’re trading you.”

“I plan to give up brushing my teeth,” Ed said.

-The Truth Decays

Snape reached into the pocket of his massive bat robes and pulled out a small, thin flask filled with clear blue liquid. "Here," he said, shoving the vial at Harry. "Drink this."

"What is it?" Harry asked nervously, not taking it from Snape's outstretched hand.

"A potion to relieve your fever," Snape replied. A muscle was beginning to tic in his jaw.

"I don't have a --" Harry started.

"Take the damn potion," Snape snarled, and strode once more from the room.

"Sir, I'm not taking anything if I don't know what's in it!" Harry yelled.

"Merlap. Essence of bicorn horn. Powdered lacewing. Diced flobberworms. Cloves. Crushed beetle eye," Snape yelled back from what was presumably his den. "And the most important ingredient of all: dire consequences if you do not do as I say!"

Harry stared at the vial, shaking it slightly and watching the pale blue liquid slosh against the sides. "But --"

"Dire consequences!" Snape reminded him in a bellow.

-Lollipop

By the end of the day, Severus was exhausted. He had retired to his chambers early in hopes of drowning in liquor, but his plans were quickly thwarted by a firecall from the Headmaster. Severus arrived swiftly to endure more torture: a rather long conversation about the good in people, how Albus was not angry about what had happened but merely disappointed, and how Harry was a noble (Snape interjected with a snort) Gryffindor, and because he was a noble (another snort) Gryffindor, Harry wouldn't punish Severus in any way (except with a good thrashing). He ended by saying that just because Harry wasn't going to defend himself didn't mean that Snape should not think about the consequences of what he did, and how it may affect him in the future.

Severus took the entire speech as a subtle way of saying, "Snape, I'm totally making you pay for what you did to my favorite student, so watch your back. Now take your complimentary lemon drop and get the out."

-Foolish Gryffindor

Hermione nodded and began preparing herself for the task. Ron started repairing the damage, somewhat inexpertly, but well enough to pass a casual inspection. With nothing else to do, Harry did the only other thing he thought might help.

He stole their wallets.

Nearby, a small thing, looking roughly like a naked child, lay curled on the ground. Its skin was raw and rough, flayed-looking, and it lay shuddering under a seat, unwanted, stuffed out of sight, struggling for breath.

“Hello,” Harry said cheerfully when Albus Dumbledore appeared in front of him.

“Hello, Harry,” said the spectre of the dead headmaster, looking slightly surprised at Harry’s happy demeanour.

“Is that meant to be Riddle?” Harry asked, nodding towards the wheezing abomination.

“In a manner of speaking,” said Dumbledore.

Harry suddenly stood up and moved closer to it, bending over to scoop it up in his arms, despite his obvious distaste.

“You cannot help it,” said Dumbledore sadly.

“Help it?” said Harry. “No, I’m putting it on the tracks. Any idea what time the next train arrives?”

-Almost a Squib