Okay, to people visiting my profile, I am very, very sorry, but I write a lot of random stuff, so this is a very long profile. Just scroll down to whatever you came here to see, but I've got a lot of stuff and you don't have to read it all.

So, hi, I'm roughdiamond5. I've been a huge fan of fanfiction for, what, five years? But I wouldn't be a member if it weren't for a special person (thanks, QuEeNoFwHiNnInG!), and I would also like to call attention to Green.Winged.Mistress, cahawk, and everyone on my favorites. Well, what to say, what to say... HEY, I know, I have something very important to say: I-

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"Welcome to Fox News at Nine. For those of you just joining us, we have with us a very special guest. If you read fanfiction, you'll want to stay tunned, because here she is, Miss roughdiamond5! (applause, a tall girl with brown, wavy hair and blue eyes walks in. She smiles and waves, then sits in an armchair while slinging her legs over one side) So, roughdiamond5, is there any other name I can call you by?"

"Yes, my name's Breanna, and pronce it bree-AH-nuh, not bree-AW-nuh. If that's too hard, Bre's fine."

And where did you come from to meet us today?"

"Colorado."

"I see. And do you like it there?"

"Yeah, it's the best of the seven places I lived in. Plus the altitude is good for my athsma, so I'm not gasping for breath all the time."

"Wait, do I hear right? You've lived in seven places?"

"And I've been to nine schools, too. The most interesting place I've lived in was France. I lived at the border where France Germany, and Switzerland met. I can still remember some French. Parlez-vous francais, monsieur? ...Mais, je-ne parle pas la lingue aussi. Quel domage."

"Huh? (host shakes head) Well, now that we've taken a peek at Breanna's past, let's see the present Bre. What's your favorite color?"

"It's a tie. Black, blue, and red." (guestures to her blue jeans and shirt; black jacket; and red socks)

"I should have guessed. And what are your interests?"

"Reading, writing, being a drama queen, learning, singing, listening to music, daydreaming, imagining, talking, breathing, watching T.V, watching movies, laughing, being funny, talking, shopping, you know, everything a tomboy likes, plus some girly interests thrown in for good measure."

"What family members do you have?"

"This sounds more like a survey than an interview! (sigh) One mom, one dad, and one brother."

"Are there any other places we can find you on the internet?"

"Try this: http://www.fictionpress.com/u/585409/. Also, I'm on youtube and deviantArt under the same name. I love my screen name, what can I say?"

"What religion are you?"

"Does it matter?"

"How old are you?"

"Too old for my parents, yet too young for me. I'm also fifteen."

"What do you want to be when you grow up?"

"Well, I need something to support my writing career, so I could be a photographer, or I could go into advertising, or I could be a secretary, but the career that would benefit me most would have to be a lawyer or a psychiatrist."

"Wait, you like writing?"

"I'm going to forget that you just said that. I mean, I mentioned it when you asked me about my interests, and I'm an author for fanfiction! Would that not imply that I like writing?"

"Who is your best friend?"

(glares at host) You aren't listening to me at all, are you?"

"What do you like to read?"

"Lemme guess- You're reading the telepromptor and saying what it tells you to say when I don't speak."

"If you could have one wish, what would you wish for?"

"THAT'S IT! I'm going to makeup. Someone get me my massage therapist. I can't do this stupid interview! Bring my laptop! I need to read some fanfiction! Where's my te- hey, who are those guys? I am NOT going to get back on stage, you were paying attention, no one really cares about what I- hey, put me down! I said DOWN! Let me go, my readers are counting on me to update! Hey, where are you going? Oh, you are NOT getting me in that chair again! Turn around! If you don't let me out of this chair, I swear I'm gonna-

BZZZZZZ

We're sorry ladies and gentlemen, we're having some difficulties at the moment, we'll get back to our interview with roughdiamond5 after...well, after some adjustments are made. In the meantime, let's check out some quotes Breanna finds funny and/or smart (mainly funny):

"I reject your reality and substitute my own." Adam Savage, Mythbusters (this is my favorite!)

"Man must wait long time with mouth open for roast duck to fly in." ancient Chinese proverb

"Todd no read, Todd wait for DVD." Something my dad says whenever mom or I suggest a book

"Join the dark side (we have cookies)" I'll have some stupid cliche (hi!) and ghj1 (hi again!)

"Character is what you are when no one else is looking." Some guy. I dunno, I just saw that written on a wall of my school on my way to French class

"I'll hold it and you light the fuse." A famous last line (don't ever let me hear ya say that, peeps!)

"So, you're a cannibal." See above

"Before you criticize someone, you should walk a mile in their shoes. That way, when you criticize them, you are a mile away from them and you have their shoes." Freida Norris

"My karma ran over my dogma." bumper sticker

"You know what the trouble about real life is? There's no danger music." Jim Carrey

"He who stands on a windowsill to see how far out he can lean without falling is a moron." Some moral of a story

"Happiness is like a butterfly. The more you chase it, the more it will elude you. But if you turn your attention to other things, it comes and sits softly on your shoulder." Nathaniel Hawthorne

"Always read stuff that will make you look good if you die in the middle of it." P.J. O'Rourke

"Get drunk. Won't help but can't hurt." I dunno, I just stole this off of DarkBlade98's profile.

"If you know me, chances are you hate me." see above

"We don't use the word retarded, we prefer the term mentally hilarious." see above

"Forgive your enemies but never forget their name." see above

"Paratroopers don't die, they go to hell and regroup." see above

"Skirts are like essays, they should long enought to cover the subject yet short enough to make it interesting." see above (yes, I'm a girl, and you'd think I would wear skirts too (I don't) but I can still laugh about it!)

"Forgot password? Enter place of birth." "Pangea" Mr. Burns, from the Simpsons.

"Eighteen wheels and they all missed me!" Moe Syzlac, from the Simpsons (he was attempting suicide)

"Heaven doesn't want me and hell is afraid I'll take over." Bubble Blower's profile

"I vill now destroy ze Snickers bahrs!" Gazzy

"When life gives you lemons throw them at the mean people and hope it gets them in the eyes." cryingout's profile

"When life gives you lemons make apple juice and let the world wonder how." see above

"Always forgive your enemies- nothing annoys them so much" see above

"I couldn't repair your brakes, so I made the horn louder." see above

"Sometimes I think the surest sign that intelligent life exists elsewhere in the universe is that none of it has tried to contact us." –Bill Watterson (but I got the quote from Bubble Blower's profile)

"When you're right, no one remembers. When you're wrong, no one forgets." see above (too true)

"They say hard work never hurts anybody, but why take the chance?" see above (I wonder if this will get me out of gym, or just give me more push-ups)

"God made man, and then he said, "I can do better than that," and made woman." - Adela Rodgers St. Johns (and see above)

"I can't die, because I'm the main character of my own life." see above

"People fear the strange and unusual. I am the strange and unusual." see above

"I'm the kind of person your parents warned you about." see above

"Boys are like lava lamps, fun to watch but not too bright." see above (ha ha!)

"When other little girls wanted to be ballerinas, I kinda wanted to be a VAMPIRE." see above (believe it or not, there was a point in my life where I wanted to be a ballerina. Then I became sane and wanted to be a vampire)

"Please Note: CHRISTMAS IS CANCELED Apparently you told Santa that you have been good this year...he died laughing." see above

"When people don't laugh at our jokes, I don't think of it as a "you had to be there" thing but more as a "you have to be mentally retarded like us" thing." see above

"He who laughs last thinks slowest and he who laughs first doesn't get it." Surprisingly enough, this one was thought of by yours truly! I know, we're all surprised.

"I am a bomb technician. If you see me running try and keep up!" my brother's T-shirt. Iggy should have a shirt just like this, and maybe Gazzy too so then they can match! Wait, they're guys, they don't want to match. But it would still be funny!

"I'm a cootie lover, I've been one all my life, I love cooties so much, I have a cootie wife" Princepal Skinner from the new Simpsons season (this quote is just funny, it has no real meaning!)

"I've been up since six in the morning and am exhausted and will therefore tell the most honest and logical truth! See? I just told a lie that made no sense!" Me

"Will you be my penguin?" Max, on missCeilidh's story "What Happens in Milan, Stays in Milan" (I highly, HIGHLY recommend it)

"The halo is only here to cover up my horns." Me

"What kind of guy would chase me but tell me that he doesn't deserve me? But then again, what kind of guy would NOT chase me and think he deserves me anyways?" Me

"Five seconds after I learned how to walk, I learned how to trip." Me

"What are you doing and how can I ruin it?" Me

"Some people think outside the box. I'm thinking so far away from that stupid little box that those squares inside it couldn't hear me if I screamed at the top of my lungs." Me

"I want my hippie goo!" My brother (hippe goo is soap)

"And did I panic? I think not!" Jonathan, from The Mummy

"In his life, a man only needs someone to love. If you can't give him that, give him something to hope for. If you can't give him that, just give him something to do." Some guy from Flight of the Phoenix (this is loosely quoted)

"What's it called? Ground! I wonder if it'll be friends with me. Hello, ground! BOOM!" Thoughts of a whale as it falls from the sky (from Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy)

"I don't have a conscience. It died, and I buried it in the backyard. But not in that order." My brother

For more completely awesome quotes, see Green.Winged.Mistress's profile (hint: there's a link to her on my favorite authors)

BZZZZZZ

Okay, we're back with roughdiamond5's interview, and...(announcer looks at chair, notices broken duct tape). Sorry ladies and gentlemen, she had to use the restroom, we'll be right back! Let's check out some cut-and-paste things that roughdiamond5 stole from other profiles. (rips microphone from shirt, starts yelling at crew) Okay, she escaped, I told you we shouldn't have let her brother come backstage, he broke through the duct tape! I want everyone looking for her! We need our money's worth!

(crew scatters, one girl remains. She takes off blonde wig, revealing herself to be roughdiamond5) Hi people! Sorry about the hidding, I just can't stand anyone who doesn't listen to me. And while I'm here, my apologies. There used to be a bunch of cut-and-paste things like, "if you ever tripped over your own feet, copy and paste this into your profile". I got rid of those, because they hurt my eyes (plus, they were taking up valuable real-estate). Enjoy these instead.

Stop the Pairing Wars!

By copying and pasting this in your profile, you vow to respect other pairings and the people that like them.

You shalt not insult them, explain why they can't be together, or say that they would rather be with someone else.

You shalt have your opinions but shalt not insult pairings. You shalt avoid them if you hate them.

You shalt keep an open mind about stories even if you despise the pairing.

You shalt paste this in your profile.

Girls
are like
apples on trees.
The best ones are
at the top of the tree.The
boys dont want to reach
for the good ones because they
are afraid of falling and getting hurt.
Instead, they just get the rotten apples
from the ground that aren't as good,
but easy. So the apples at the top think
something is wrong with them, when in
reality, they're amazing. They just
have to wait for the right boy to
come along, the one who's
brave enough to
climb all
the way
to the top
of the tree.

Find the guy that calls you beautiful instead of hot,

who calls you back when you hang up on him,

who'll lay under the stars for hours and listen to your heart beat.

Or will stay awake just to watch you sleep.

Wait for the guy that kisses your forhead,

who keeps your picture in his wallet,

who wants to show you off to the world even when your in sweatpants,

who holds your hand in front of all his freinds,

who thinks your beautiful without makeup,

one who is constantly telling you of how much he cares and how is lucky to have you,

THE one who turns to his friends and says THATS HER!

35 Things to Do When You're in Walmart! -UPDATED-

1. Set all the alarm clocks in Housewares to go off at 5-minute intervals.

2. Make a trail of tomato juice on the floor leading to the restrooms.

3. Walk up to an employee and tell him/her in an official tone " 'Code 3' in housewares"... and see what happens.

4. Go the Service Desk and ask to put a bag of M&M's on lay away.

5. Move a 'CAUTION - WET FLOOR' sign to a carpeted area.

6. Set up a tent in the camping department and tell other shoppers you'll invite them in if they'll bring pillows from the bedding department.

7. When a clerk asks if they can help you, begin to cry and ask "Why can't you people just leave me alone?"

8. Look right into the security camera, use it as a mirror, and pick your nose.

9. While handling guns in the hunting department, ask the clerk if he knows where the anti-depressants are.

10. Dart around the store suspiciously, loudly humming the "Mission Impossible" theme.

11. In the auto department, practice your "Madonna look"

12. Hide in a clothing rack and when people browse through, say "PICK ME!" "PICK ME!"

13. When an announcement comes over the loud speaker, assume the fetal position and scream "NO! NO! It's those voices again!!"

14. Go into a fitting room and shut the door and wait a while and then yell, very loudly, "There's no toilet paper in here!"

15. Grab a lot of bouncy balls and throw them down the aisle, shouting "Go, Pikachu, go!"

16. Pass out bananas to random people and snicker loudly when they take one.

17. Buy 350 cans of tuna and scream "THIS CAN'T BE RIGHT!! YOU HAVE TO PUT SOME BACK!!" when the cashier tells you the price.

18. Walk around looking confused in the CD section and ask people where you can find the CDs.

19. Start a fish-stick fight.

20. Walk up to random people, give them bear hugs, and say very loudly that you missed them and they never really did get that dandruf shampoo you recommended.

21. Jump in a cart and have a friend push you while you scream "The British are coming!"

22. Attempt to fly off a high shelf.

23. Run up to an employee and ask "Do you like me?" If they say no, yell out "You broke my heart, you evil monster! I'm telling the manager!" and start throwing canned tomatoes at them. If they say yes just to get you away, pat their shoulder, and say "What a shame because that girl over there" point to a random person "was just about to ask you to dinner."

24. Throw confetti on random people walking into the store.

25. Whisper "I know your 'little' secret" to people in the checkout lines.

26. Stand inside the freezer in the frozen food section.

27. Walk up to employees and whisper "I saw dead people...they want me to take you away...to aisle eight..."

28. Ask the clerk to make a page saying "If there is an Edward in the store, Bella is looking for you at the main info desk". (this works best if you love Twilight, and don't try with Maximum Ride)

29. See how many cans of frosting you can open and thoroughly lick without getting caught.

30. Go to a person with a shopping cart full of merchandise and demand a ride in the basket.

31. Practice your juggling with a few Grade-A eggs.

32. Squeeze the cream-filled doughnuts.

33. Walk into the baby clothes section, pick up a pink baby dress, then throw it down and run away screaming that the pink bunnies of doom came back.

34. See if you can move the bottom can from the gigantic canned beet pyramid.

35. Bow to the display of T.Vs in the electronics section.