Ohayo gozaimasu!!

Watashi wa namae Kawa Alicia desu! (That means "My name is Alicia Rivers" in Japanese. The greeting means "Good morning.")

I am Alicia, of the Kawa clan of the Village Hidden in the Blood (although I'm loyal to Konoha). (Kawa means river.)

And I am in love with... well, the answer will be obvious to some and revealed further down to others.

When I'm not at my beloved computer, writing numerous fanfictions (or reading 'em, for that matter), I'm thinking about what to write next while going about my other hobbies and duties.

I know my profile is rather long, but I have a lot I feel I need to say. I don't want to bore you to death, so feel free to skip to the end if you wish.

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Name: Alicia Kawa Kenobi Hyuuga Uzumaki Uchiha

Alias: Alicia Rivers

Age: Immortal

Gender: Female (Who the heck would name a boy Alicia?)

Species: Vampire

Hair: Brown

Eyes: Four

Skin: Like the underbelly of a fish

Height: Tall enough to reach the cookies

Weight: Don't you know it's not polite to ask a lady that?

Residence: In Konoha (when I'm not in my home village)

Nationality: American by birth, pretty much everything by genetics, free of Darth Real Life by dream, and defiant of stereotype labels

Grade: 11th (Go Class of '10! Woohoo!)

Professions: Writer, pairer

Obsessions: Star Wars, Naruto

Hobbies: Writing fanfiction, reading fanfiction, writing fanfiction, drawing, writing fanfiction, telling jokes, writing fanfiction, pairing off my favorite couples, writing fanfiction, sucking blood, writing fanfiction, making cookies... oh, and did I mention writing fanfiction?

Dreams: To be a bestselling writer

Marital status: Married to Itachi Uchiha (...being immortal really helps sometimes! XOXOXO)

Favorite color: Purple (naturally!)

Favorite food: Blood (only that of human males) and chocolate (particularly Reese's Peanut Butter Cups), ramen, pocky

Weapon of choice: Katana sword, unusually sharp canine teeth, paper fan, bad jokes

Religion: I am Roman Catholic, and was raised by devout parents. But I do not wish to discuss it further. I have morals and I follow them, I respect you regardless of what you believe, and the fanfiction pages are not the place to discuss religious, moral, and political topics. My morals do reflect in my writing, however.

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I am unabashedly a humorist, and got my sense of humor from my dad, but there's more to my humor than just being funny. I have always been a loner, afraid to get close to people, and I have a deep-seated hatred of modern society. I feel trapped by Darth Real Life, so needless to say, I'm an unhappy person. However, I know there are people around me who love and care for me, and I therefore don't see a point in brooding or angsting (no offense to emo people). So I deal with my unhappiness by being funny. Laughing always makes me feel better, but more importantly, I feel warm inside when I make someone else laugh.

I owe a lot, from stories to drawings to little excursions to cookies, to my best friend, SinsterSerpent, alias Lin. She's the main reason I got corrupted into anime (before anime, I was all Star Wars and nothing else). She and I may eventually co-write a story, but that has yet to be determined. Serpent-chan is also Sesshomaru's mate (Sesshomaru from Inuyasha, in case you didn't know), but don't tell Rin or Kagura!

I was more than overjoyed to come across Fanfiction.net. Heck, I didn't even know other people even did fanfiction until I came here! This place is a dream come true. It's good to know I'm not alone, and that I actually have a place in this world. Well, you know what they say: "Great minds think alike!"

Sadly, there are are things on the site and across the Internet in general that really get on my nerves. I will add more as I come across them. Here they are:

1. Flames/Flamers: Constructive criticism is good. Destructive criticism is not. Flamers are egotistical bastards who think they know everything when, in truth, they don't. Most of them cannot even write to save their skins. So who are they to talk? Why did they even join the site? The purpose of FFnet's existence, as I understand it, is to allow fans to imagine and write stories based on someone else's creation without being sued by the creator's lawyers for copyright infringement. None of us, least of all the poor people whose writing isn't very good, deserve any such abuse by the hands of such slimy, self-centered liars. Most flames directly attack the author and have little or nothing at all to do with the story! Those flamers who DO write aren't usually even of a high caliber themselves, and since, like almost all writers, they naturally desire good input on THEIR stories, it is hypocritical for them to go blasting other people's. And those who go looking for stuff they hate just so they can leave nasty reviews saying how much they hate this character, this pairing, yadda yadda yadda? Do you have any idea how STUPID that is? Flaming is a blatant misuse of the site, and people who misuse the site for their own wrongful deeds are mere trash. People who deliberately attack a person AS A PERSON, not their writing, are worse than trash.

Know, O Flamers, that I am stronger than your blatant lies. I'm not stupid; I know that when you say I have the writing skills of a first-grader, what you mean is that YOU have the writing skills of a first-grader. Would a girl with the writing skills of a first-grader have gotten hundreds on every spelling test she ever had, gotten A's in English for her entire academic career, been the top student in all her foreign-language classes, and been repeatedly told by wise, trusted adults that her writing is excellent? Of course not. Would a jealous person attempt to deride whoever they envy, even if they had to lie to do it? Of course!

2. Purism/elitism: Purism is the belief in strict adherence to canon. Elitism is expecting professional writing skills out of every single writer who uses this site. I hate purism because its message is "You do not have a right to think outside of the creator's box." In fact, quite the opposite is true. We are limited only by our imagination and the creators' ownership of their own work. Moreover, ALL fanfiction deviates from canon. Pure canon would be nothing more than parroting the creator. So if we yielded to the wishes of the purists, this site would not exist. I hate elitism because not all writers here are going to be professionals. Granted, many stories need A LOT of work, but elitists' expectations are WAY over the top. What I hate even more is how purists will cram the canon down your throat at every turn, and how elitists express contempt for low-class writers. People need to learn to RESPECT OTHERS' OPINIONS. And just because someone can't write well is no reason to attack their fragile self-esteem. We do not deserve to have to have this bunch lower our self-esteem. NOTE: I am NOT referring to constructive critics here, whose intent is to help us, not beat us to a bloody pulp.

3. OOCness: Mild OOCness is excusable - some characters are hard to capture, and I understand that. But I absolutely abhor it when people completely change or ignore the characterization of characters. If you have to ignore who the characters are, what's the point of writing fanfiction? You might as well be writing about original characters in an original work. The point of fanfiction is to explore a world that someone else has created. They have worked hard to create beautiful characters, and it's truly a shame to see those characters warped, twisted, and messed with until they are no longer the characters I know and love (or hate). Please, take into account who these people are before you decide to make them do something!

4. Numerous spelling/grammar/mechanical errors: FFnet's guidelines explicitly say to check your spelling and grammar before you upload. There is no excuse for not doing this. Too many errors make an otherwise good story extremely hard to read, which is very sad. What's even sadder is that a large percentage of FFnet users write on a first-grade writing level. THIS IS A SITE FOR WRITERS! YOU SHOULD BE ABLE TO READ AND WRITE, AND USE PROPER SPELLING AND GRAMMAR! Your story might be wonderful, but if it looks like a spelling test with a grade of F minus, it's too hard to read. If you're writing in a language other than your own, get a beta reader whose native tongue is that language. I am always willing to serve as a beta. If you're writing in your own language, use spellcheckers-both electronic and human-and get a beta if needed.

5. Yaoi: I could rant on and on for days upon days about how fed up I am with Yaoi. It would make a lot more sense if the Yaoi fan group were comprised of boys and men who swing that way. Instead it is comprised of tens of millions of immature teenage girls who do not understand that practically ALL the male characters in most anime are NOT GAY. No one screws up character better than a Yaoi fantard. They completely ignore the two male victims' characters, but who cares? It's ZOMG SMEXEH YAOI! They also hate female characters just because they "get in the way of the OMG TWOO WUV" between the guys, and completely destroy their characterizations in order to make them look bad. Also, they spam the Internet with their dirty work, forcing us to look at it even though we do not want to see it, and try to shove their opinions down everyone's throat. Their fanfiction is nearly always a huge load of crap: it contains R-rated scenes and yet is written on a first-grade writing level. I do not read it, and I tried to respect the Yaoi lovers' opinions, but now I'm just plain sick of being forced to root through all the crappy Yaoi fanart and fanfiction in order to find something decent. And how can Yaoi fantards claim they are in love with a male character when all they do is pair him with another guy who's not gay and mess up his character? That's not love. Yaoi fangirl, if you really loved the bishie you torment, you would keep him in character and pair him up with yourself. Come on. If you could actually meet said bishie (such a shame the fourth wall is sealed off), you met him, you wanted to be with him, and you came up to him and said, "AW! You and Mr. So-and-so look so shmexy together!" what do you think he would do? Tell you you're hot and ask you to dinner?

6: Chat speak: ZOMG it drivs me ttly INSANE wen ppl tok liek dis i rly h8 it :-( ! It was painful enough to even type that! Like Yaoi, chat speak is ubiquitous around here, and I find it extremely annoying. It makes people sound stupid, whether they actually are or not. It also hurts people's writing skills. I don't even know what the heck half those terms even mean and I'm not interested in learning!

7: Characters doing anything physical at a ridiculously young age: How is it that two people in love can be ready to do The Deed (I dislike using the word "sex"), but not ready to marry? It is an act of giving oneself totally to another. When you give another person your body, you give them a piece of your heart, mind, and soul as well, which they will always keep with them forever, regardless of whether they truly love you and stay, or are simply pleasure-seekers and leave you in the dust. If someone is too young to marry, then they are too young to Do It. Doing so before marriage is like opening a birthday present before your birthday. Once it's opened, you can't reclose it. Even if you rewrap it, you've seen it already.

8: Mary Sues/Gary Stus: They give OCs a bad name. Not all OCs are Mary Sues, and not all Mary Sues are OCs. Books, movies, TV shows, and anime are full of canon Sues and Stus. Because of Mary Sues, some people will consider any OC (particularly any OC who is also the author) a Mary Sue. This is simply untrue. A Mary Sue, as I understand it, will have all of the following: a tragic past, the looks of a supermodel, an unrealistic bad plotline, ridiculous abilities, annoying characterization, the ability to make members of the opposite gender fall in love with her/him at first sight, a love interest, the ability to make the love interest's canon match (if there is one) look bad and completely break character, and traits unsuited to the setting. I value a believable plotline above all, so I'm very careful with how I develop my OCs. I myself am one of my OCs, so I'm constantly on the Sue-watch with regards to myself. Please, learn to make your characters believable. People will stop yelling at you--really. Unless, of course, they are purists.

9: Sueification: Some people express their desperation for love not through OC-Mary Sues/Gary Stus or poor self-inserts, but through Sueification of a canon character. They choose their favorite character, make him/her their god/goddess, pretty much turn him/her into a literal god/goddess (which constitutes a Sue/Stu), and pair him/her up with every single member of the opposite gender they can think of (and sometimes even with everyone of the SAME gender as well... yerk). Most of these are girls. Some well-known characters who have become such goddesses include Sakura, Kagome, Hinata, and Ino. Kagome is paired with any male from any anime, so she's essentially anime's Queen of the Gods. (All hail Queen Kagome!) Naruto and Sasuke are the biggest gods I've seen worshipped, Naruto in particular (just ask the Harem Squad). This leads to unnecessary hatred of characters, false labeling ("whore," "slut," etc.), and bad plotlines. The characters are beautiful the way they are; if you must worship one as your god/goddess (Hail, Hinata-hime!), do it privately. As for pairings, choose someone who your character can actually go with.

10: People who take any criticism as a flame: Constructive criticism is meant to help you. Flames are meant to harm you. There is a difference. Example flame: "Your work is trash. My dog can write better than this. You are a waste of sperm and egg, and I hope you burn in hell." Note the shameless author-bashing. Example CC: "Your plot is too rushed. One moment you have A wishing for B's attention, and the next they're going at it like bunnies. The romance needs time to develop. Also, A is completely out of character; he'd never call C an (expletive)." See how the CC points out the author's errors and how they can be corrected? Even though I invented the "You no like, you no read" club, that refers to bashing on a story because of the pairing, plot, or whatnot. By no means did I mean for it to mean criticism of any kind should not be allowed. If your plotline is bad, or if everybody is completely out of character, you need help. Take my first fanfiction, "I, Illiana: An Original Tale." I did not realize that my OC character was a Mary Sue until I got several reviews offering advice on how to fix that problem (and a few flames saying that I was stupid, pretentious, and self-centered, but I got rid of those). It hurt to realize this, but I didn't scream back at the constructive critics and call them prejudiced jerks. I considered their advice, went back to my files on Word, and FIXED MY CHARACTER. You should be able to tell the difference between constructive and destructive criticism. I want to help you fix your story, not beat you to a bloody pulp.

11: Possessive fangirlism: Possessive fangirlism means that a fangirl who loves a bishonen (or falsely claims to, in the case of a Yaoi fangirl) says she'll kill any girl who dares think about touching "her" self-proclaimed man, and hates female characters solely because they are canonically matched with, or are in love with/crushing on, the aforementioned man (and are therefore "in the way" in the eyes of the fangirl). This shows great immaturity and stupidity, and you can rely on a possessive fangirl (or fanbrat/fantard) to write poorly and not keep anyone in character. I accept that some people are possessive in the romance department, but that's no excuse to yell at your romantic rivals (and you will have them!) or hate characters. If you must love or hate, do so for sensible reasons. Take my dear friend Lin-chan. She is very possessive with regards to Sesshomaru-sama, and she yells at me for just looking at him (in a good-natured, friendly way), but she never sends stupid hate mail to other Sesshomaru-sama fangirls, and she doesn't hate Rin or Kagura because they are paired up with Sesshomaru-sama. Although I am canonically unrivaled, if there were any canon pairings for Itachi, I would not hate the lucky girl solely for that, and I don't send stupid hate mail to either my romantic rivals or to the psycho Yaoi fangirls who claim they love Itachi but obviously do not.

12: Dub-bashing: Stop making stupid comments about how America screwed up all your favorite anime. The dubbers' job is hard enough as it is. The translation is very hard in and of itself, but the dubbers also have to hire decent voice-actors and do what the TV network asks of them (even though anime is NOT for kids, despite their efforts). Admittedly some dubs are better than others (the voice actors in Saiyuki Reload sucked in both the subs and dubs), but come on. These people TRY. They TRY, and what do they get? Stupid disparaging remarks like "America ruins everything" and "Dubbed anime is so awful! Did you HEAR So-and-so's English voice? It sounds like fingernails on a chalkboard!" I'm sure you couldn't do any better yourself, ne?

13: "Rape = Love" scenarios: This is almost as bad as Yaoi. I'm ashamed that people are actually possessed to write stories that go to the tune of A meets B, A rapes B, B enjoys it for some reason unexplained to the readers, A and B fall in love forever and ever. This is a grave insult to not only the characters (especially B), but to people who have actually suffered rape. It is a painful, traumatic experience that leaves its victims scarred, and just the thought of it makes me afraid to go to bed. Rape is not love. Period.

If you hate chat speak, copy and paste this into your profile.

Although I am one of those writers with high standards, I accept that not everyone who writes on this site will be a professional. Most of the users with high standards I have seen usually scorn those whose writing is poor. However, this site was created for everyone, not only writers of a professional level. I do enjoy the rare treat of a professional-quality story, but I also like stories of a lesser caliber, and I wish to help those who produce something that looks like a spelling test with an F minus grade improve their writing.

I adhere to a principle that most fans scorn or ignore: Respect Others' Opinions. While there are certainly several fics around here I don't like, or just flat-out despise, we all have a right to write around here. This is why flaming is so wrong. The very reason this site was created was so that we could write stories based on our favorite entertainment without being indicted for copyright infringement. Even though there are several pairings, plots, and stories around here that I hate, I'm not going to waste my time trying to shove my opinions down others' throats. If I did, I wouldn't put it past them to try to shove theirs down mine.

I do not claim to be a professional. I never even considered that I was a good writer until other people told me I was. Even with that assurance, I tend to think less highly of my own writing than other people do, and I do not expect incessant, blind praise. I've read stories that I feel greatly outshine anything I could do. However, nothing will deter me from pursuing my passion.

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If you wish for me to come and read your stories:

I am more than willing to come and look at what other writers have written... I love when people read my work, so it makes perfect sense that I should repay them. However, there are rules.

1. Keep in mind that I will always be honest. So don't expect me to say "OMG U ROK UPDATE SOON PLZ" if I think you need to improve the quality of your story or find the plot line hard to follow. And when I give you advice, I am merely trying to help you. You don't necessarily have to take that advice. Just remember that I never intend to flame you.

2. Don't try to force a story on me if you know I'm going to hate it. So if you wrote, say, a dark, twisty, very explicit piece of Yaoi, it would not be a good idea to say "Alicia, come and read this," because I wouldn't do it. If I know I'll hate a story, I won't click the link. Check my profile and think about whether I might like your story before you come knocking at my door.

3. Be patient and don't nag me. One PM asking me to read your work will suffice. If I haven't yet reviewed your story, chances are I was either writing or kept away from my computer. I'll read when I have time to.

4. Tell me which story you want me to read and why you think I'd like it. Chances are that if you have ten million stories that all look tasteful, I won't have time to read, let alone review, all of them. I do have to worry about Darth Real Life (curse it) and my own work, you know.

5. Although reviews flatter me, you should use them with regard to my stories. If you wish to advertise your work, please send me a PM saying that you have a story you want me to see.

If you wish to make a "present" for me:

Many of my readers very much enjoy my work. I think it's safe to assume that some of you will want to make things like side fics, fanart, AMV's, and the like as presents for me. I would be very flattered to receive such gifts. If you make a present for me, please send me a quick PM telling me what your present is, what you based it on, and what its URL is so that I will be able to find it and post the link in my profile (thus giving you credit for your honorable deeds).

If you wish to make a request:

I would be honored to write a present for anyone who asks such a favor of me. However, there are rules about that.

1. If you want to make a request, please send me a quick PM describing what you want, and I will respond affirmatively if I deem your request worthy. I will then check your profile to review your preferences and prepare it when I have the time.

2. Don't nag me. It often takes me time to come up with good stuff. My high standards drive me to think things over A LOT before I ever go near my computer. So if you don't see the present I promised you, it means I'm working on it. If you nag me, I reserve the right not to finish your request.

3. As I've said before, if I hate it, I won't read it, let alone write it. So if you want a good writer to make you a nice, juicy piece of dark and serious Yaoi with lots of cussing and potty humor, it would be foolish of you to ask such a favor of me. So make sure you're acquainted with my blacklist beforehand. Check my profile if you're unsure of whether your request will make the cut.

My email - send things here if you want me to beta your stuff

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Links

A NaruHina manifesto: Many NaruHina fans have either lost hope or been successfully wooed by the Extremely Pretentious NaruSaku Fan Club because the signs seemingly point toward NaruSaku. Quite the opposite is true--and this amazing essay proves it!

An anti-anti-NaruHina essay: Even more proof to go along with the first essay. Here's the second half of it.

How to write a proper ItaSaku: Great advice written by the stellar authoress MitsukiShiroi, who I affectionately refer to as "Sensei" due to her great wisdom. Don't write a "Cherry Blossom of My Heart." That story sucks so bad I'm ashamed I was even possessed to write it. Take her advice instead.

MYFC Online: MYFC stands for "Marry Your Favorite Character." Feeling amorous? Put on a wedding dress, click the link, register for the site, and get married!

Anime Lyrics: Lyrics to all the anime songs you like can be found right here.

Some good songs to listen to: Fighting Dreamers My Will

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My stories that I like:

What's Meant To Be Will Always Find a Way - in progress
20 Things Akatsuki Members are Not Allowed to Do - complete
The Naruto Shakespeare Tales series - in progress
The Courtship of Princess Tsunade - in progress
Uncle Sasu's Second Goal - in progress
A Perfectly Good Heart - complete
I, Illiana: An Original Tale - in progress

My stories that I don't like:

Cherry Blossom of My Heart - complete
My valentine - complete
A Tribute to the Jedi Order - complete

Devious plans:

In addition to several self-insert storylines (yes, blame the wonderful Kray Torishi and his amazing story) that I've got up my sleeves, I have even bigger plans than just new stories. I've already taken root and blossomed here on FFnet, and now I want to expand my horizons from fanfiction to fanart. In short, I want to draw things. And I want to put them on Deviantart. Also, I want to join Livejournal, since it would be useful for discussion of fandom and getting things like rants off my chest.

Note: Cherry Blossom, the Star Wars poem, and the Valentine's Day oneshot are not to be read. Especially Cherry Blossom; it's the dumbest thing I ever wrote and I wasn't well-versed enough in Naruto to get the characterizations right at the time I wrote it. I only keep them because the Valentine's oneshot was written as a gift, the poem brings back fond memories, and Cherry Blossom was my first big hit (even though it sucks).

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The "You no like, you no read" club: If you believe that people who don't like someone's story should simply not read it instead of posting cruel and hateful reviews, copy and paste this into your profile and add your name to the list: Alicia Kawa Uchiha

If you've been on the computer for hours on end, reading numerous fanfictions, copy and paste this into your profile and add your name to the list: Danyan, Avatarwolf, Shifter-youkai, AkatsukiFan, Chocolate Chan, Staring.out.my.flooded.window, TheDevilsAngel93, c. b. o. l., Vert9411, pinkcherryblossoms225, CherryBlossoms016, Sam-AKA-SakuxSasuLover-, crimsonchidori, Alicia Kawa Uchiha

OATH TO THE REVIEW REVOLUTION

I, the undersigned, Alicia Kawa Uchiha, do solemnly swear to review all the fics I enjoy, regardless of the number of reviews, its age, or anything else.

I have joined the review revolution! Join the revolution! Copy and paste this into your profile and add your name to the list: FreeFallJumper, Alicia Kawa Uchiha

DECREE ON STORY COMPLETION

I, the undersigned, Alicia Kawa Uchiha, do solemnly swear to complete all the fics I upload, regardless of the number of reviews, writer's block, or anything else that might get in my way.

I am sworn to finish every story I start. Swear on this decree, copy and paste this into your profile, and add your name to the list: Alicia Kawa Uchiha

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Anime/manga I like:

Chibi Vampire (Too kawaii!)
Rosario Vampire (Kawaii and oddly amusing.)
Vampire Knight (Obviously, I love vampires.)
Fushigi Yuugi (I love shoujo too.)
Oh My Goddess! (Hilarious!)
Love Hina (Kinda pervy, but funny.)
Azumanga Daioh (So stupid it's funny!)
Avatar: The Last Airbender (The only good show on Nick.)
Inuyasha (Love the soundtrack. That, and Sesshomaru-sama. OUCH! Sorry, that was Lin-chan smacking me.)
Naruto (My personal favorite... and I think you know why. One problem: my dear Uncle Masashi Kishimoto is a TERRIBLE author!)
Ouran High School Host Club (Do I really need to say anything?)
Bleach (I've only started to read it but I rather like it.)

Movies I like:

All the Star Wars movies
All of Studio Ghibli's movies
Most Disney movies
The Princess Bride

Books I like:

"Twilight" series by Stephenie Meyer
Most classics
"Love Among the Walnuts" by Jean Ferris (best book ever)
"A Circle of Time" by Marisa Montes
"Vampire High" by Douglas Rees
Most Tamora Pierce novels
"Eragon" series by Christopher Paolini
"Septimus Heap" series by Angie Sage
All of William Shakespeare's amazing plays

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Characters

I form all opinions on characters for sensible reasons. Sometimes it's hard to explain my reasoning, but there are a lot of people out there who like/hate characters for no reason or for "reasons" that make absolutely no sense. Sometimes "I don't know why I love/hate So-and-So; I just do" is a sensible reason. "I hate this girl because she likes this guy, and this guy is all mine; she's in my way" is not a sensible reason, nor is "I hate these girls because they like these two guys who make a great Yaoi couple and they're in the way of the guys' OMG TWOO WUV." "I love this guy/girl because he/she is hot" is not a sensible reason; you need to take character traits into account as well. And "I'm in love with Mr. So-and-So; he and Mr. Whozit look ZOMG SO HAWT together" are contradictory statements. I almost never hate female characters, and I only love/hate a select few characters. I don't have strong feelings either way about anyone I didn't mention.

Most beloved characters:

Star Wars:

OBI-WAN KENOBI!! He's courageous, powerful, heroic, smart, kind and sexy! He was also my first real crush, and he's one of the most likeable characters in the entire series and Extended Universe. Most of the characters, i.e. Luke, Leia, and Han, are awesome in the movies, but annoying in the Extended Universe novels. Not Obi-Wan; he's easy to understand and relate to practically all the time. He had to deal with a lot, from his many crushes on girls to his Master's stubbornness. He was also given a huge responsibility - training the "Chosen One". Anakin was a whiny, annoying brat who just popped up out of nowhere at random, was emotionally unstable, and was completely not cut out to be a Jedi. Dealing with all that is obviously stressful and hard to get through, yet Obi-Wan handled it all with grace and resolve, and can definitely be called the Jedi's greatest hero.

Yoda: Cute as well as wise, Master Yoda is. Very funny he was during that scene in Episode V when he ate Luke's hot dog. Such a fine mentor everyone ought to have.

Most of the women Jedi: Uncle George should acknowledge them more. It's truly a shame that they practically got no screentime at all while the crappy plotline glorified the men of the Order. Obviously this ticks me off, but it also leads me to believe that the women are actually a lot stronger than the men, not the other way around.

Avatar:

Aang: What's not to like about a playful, free-spirited, cute bald boy who's out to save the world? He'd make a great little brother.

Katara: SHE KICKS BUTT! She's rather temperamental, but she's kindhearted and quick-witted. I hope she realizes how lucky she and Sokka were to find Aang in that iceberg. She deserves someone like Aang. Not Zuko.

Sokka: He's fun! He may be the comic relief of the GAang, and sometimes he can be as dense as Naruto, but he's much more than just a two-dimensional moron and has great potential despite his inability to bend. He's also the kind of boyfriend I would want to have in real life.

Toph: SHE KICKS BUTT TOO! She's also funny in her own way, and quite intelligent. The fact that she found a way to live with her blindness makes her mentally as well as physically strong.

Uncle Iroh: He's fun, yet wise at the same time. Tea, anyone?

Inuyasha:

SESSHOMARU-SAMA!! He's awesome, strong, powerful, elegant, and always has this calm, cool, collected demeanor. Plus Tenseiga is a whole lot cooler than Tetsusaiga, if you ask me. Not to mention the fact that he's handsome. Even though he can be a cold, heartless bastard, there's more to him than that and he's actually quite likeable. He isn't mine, though. I can't even think about touching him, or else Lin-chan will get me.

Kagome: At times she can be annoying, but she has a good heart and cares for her friends, and she's greatly helping Inuyasha heal from his broken heart and become a better person... er, hanyou. She's the one who should be with him. Not Kikyo.

Inuyasha: He's a total jerk and that's me being nice, but he becomes a lot more likeable as the series progresses, and it's obvious that he really likes Kagome. Plus it's fun to see him get annoyed - and go kersplat when Kagome tells him to sit!

Rin: She touched Sesshomaru-sama's heart and made him even more likeable than he already was.

Shippo: Three words: KAWAII CHIBI KYUUBI!

Miroku: FUNNY PERVERT!

Sango: She's rough, tough, and really kicks butt! I didn't know anyone could put up a formidable fight with a big ol' boomerang until I saw Sango put Hiraikotsu to good use!

Naruto:

UCHIHA ITACHI-KUN!!

There's no point in trying to lie. I am madly in love with him. Initially I tried to deny it, but I can't hide my true colors anymore. It's kind of hard to explain why I love him, but love is often not very sensible and works in strange ways. Well, even though he's a sadistic bastard who killed off his entire family, there's a lot more to him than that. People think he finds pleasure in killing people and molesting the female characters (usually Sakura), but he's actually quite a gentleman and knows his manners. He has a likeable demeanor: calm, cool, and collected, he's strong and powerful, he'd make a great sensei, and to top it off, he's Sexy with a capital S and puts Orlando Bloom to shame. No, even that's a huge understatement. Itachi is godlike; a work of true art that should last, not rot or age, although that's only the cherry on top and the ice cream part of the sundae is far more important. But what really got me to notice him was his eyes. Sure, almost all Uchihas have Sharingan, but Itachi's is captivating and makes it near-impossible not to look into his eyes and blush. Sasuke, Obito, and Old Man Madara lack that charm, even though they also have Sharingan. It can be argued that I fell in love with Itachi at first sight, but it's far truer to say that I fell in love with his eyes at first sight. I really fell for him once I got to know his characterization better. One last thing: Itachi is not mine. I'm his. There is a difference.

And my OTP? Itachi/Me. Say what you will, but my feelings won't change anytime soon.

Hyuuga Hinata: The prettiest, nicest, and most likeable female character in the series, she is like a daughter to me. No matter how low her self-esteem, she's not useless at the beginning at all, and she works hard to achieve her full potential. Her kindness makes her especially likeable because she comes from a family of such bleeping bleeps. I can relate to Hinata more than any other female character because I am very shy in the game of love, and I often feel awkward in social situations. What she feels for Naruto is much, much more than a simple crush. She fell in love with him because he's strong-willed and perseverant, and he became her role model. She loves him to the point that she has tunnel vision and can't like any other guy as more than a friend, even if he came right out and said "I love you" to her face. (That's another thing we have in common.) She's really Naruto's only canon match, since she has seen him for who he is since the beginning, and while the other girls tend to be emotionally unpredictable with quick tempers, Hinata is a gentle, beautiful, innocent girl with a sweet disposition.

Uzumaki Naruto: Baka ningen (mortal fool). He'd be the best Hokage Konoha ever had! He may be dense, and he may behave like an annoying idiot, but he's just doing his best to be himself, become Hokage, and get the people of Konoha to see him for who he is, not as the Kyuubi. He's well on his way to achieving his goal, and I hope that one day, he'll finally notice Hinata and realize he loves her. Not Sakura.

Yuuhi Kurenai: She reminds me of my parents and all the mentors I've had growing up. She possesses the kind of qualities I seek in a mentor. She's kind, caring, motherly, and strong. Hinata is very lucky to have her as her sensei, especially since Kurenai acts as her surrogate mother (because the old goat... I mean Hiashi... is such a bleep). I, too, see Hinata as a daughter. The only problem I have with Kurenai is understanding why in the Good Lord's name she can even stand to be NEAR Asuma. (Cigarette smoke makes me sick to my stomach.)

The Akatsuki: Why do they have to keep getting killed off? They're fun! Akatsuki jokes (except for Akatsuki Yaoi jokes; I hate those) are so great that when I think of any of the members (except Itachi), I roll on the floor laughing! I hate seeing them portrayed as serious villains, however. Making them the butt of jokes is just too much fun! The only exception to that is Itachi. Quite simply, you do not make fun of him.

Other loved characters:

Miaka (Fushigi Yuugi)
Karin (Chibi Vampire)
Kuchiki Rukia (Bleach)
Inoue Orihime (Bleach)
L Lawliet (Death Note)
Cross Yuuki (Vampire Knight)
Kuran Kaname (Vampire Knight)
Hanabusa Aidou (Vampire Knight)
Saotome Ranma (Ranma)
Tendo Akane (Ranma)
Tendo Kasumi (Ranma)
Shinobu Maehara (Love Hina)
Edward Cullen (Twilight)
Allison Blair (A Circle of Time by Marisa Montes)
Alanna the Lioness (Song of the Lioness series by Tamora Pierce)
Ramona Quimby (Ramona series by Beverly Cleary)

Most despised characters:

Star Wars:

ANAKIN SKYWALKER!! The King of Losers! He's been described many times as the most powerful Jedi ever to grace the Order, but in truth, he is a Loser with a capital L. He is a selfish, arrogant, whiny twerp who the Council would have never believably allowed into the Jedi Order on the terms they did at the end of Episode I. Plus the love story between him and Padmé was a total load of crap. Darth Vader is a BIG improvement!

EMPEROR PALPATINE!! He is a fat ugly bleeping old fart who thinks he's the greatest bleeping thing since sliced bread. It's no wonder he never had an Empress; not even an ugly old hag with hairy warts on her face would want to marry him! He's also been cloned one too many times - what the bleeping bleep? He DIED in Episode VI and he should have STAYED DEAD!

Grand Moff Tarkin: Ugly bleep. He takes pleasure in the suffering of others. It was actually a good thing that he blew up in the Death Star.

All Neimoidians: MORONS!

Avatar:

AZULA-TEME!! She's greedy, ruthless, cruel, vindictive, and unfortunately, clever. She tricked Ty Lee, Mai, and Zuko into being her puppets, and single-handedly conquered the Earth Kingdom through trickery. She nearly killed Aang, and she ruined the Day of Black Sun! She's practically invincible; I'm starting to think she's a villainous Mary Sue.

Fire Lord Ozai: It's bad enough that he's trying to take over the world and make the people of the Water Tribes and the Earth Kingdom his slaves. He babied Azula and treated Zuko like crap! It's his fault Zuko is emotionally confused and struggling to find himself! I hope the GAang can bring about his demise soon.

Inuyasha:

KIKYO-TEME!! OK, I hate Naraku and Kouga more than Kikyo, but I still don't like her. She's bleeping DEAD and she should have STAYED DEAD! The real Kikyo (who wasn't at all bad) died already. The Kikyo I know is just a creepy undead clay pot. If it weren't for her, Inuyasha and Kagome would have gotten together much more easily. She can't (or won't) let go of her pointless anger (though I do admit she doesn't deny her kind nature as a priestess and still has good in her), and she keeps trying to rape Inuyasha, which interferes with his love for Kagome. What kind of sicko wants her former lover to PROMISE to come to hell with her? She also stole those Shikon Jewel shards from Kagome and gave them to Naraku. I mean, she knows Naraku-teme tricked her and Inuyasha into killing each other, yet she still helps him out! Why won't the bleeping dead clay pot get smashed already?

NARAKU-TEME!! Stunted slime! He's like a slightly handsomer, less reptilian, less gay version of Orochimort Jackson. It's his fault it's taking Inuyasha and Kagome forever to find the shards of the Shikon Jewel! He also wants to molest an undead clay pot (which is how I know he's not gay). And I feel sorry for the demon servants he creates from his own bloody body parts. Poor Kanna and Kagura! Besides, he is hecka ugly!

Kouga-baka: Stupid dumbass wolf with pudding for brains. He sucks monkey balls. Get this through your thick skull: KAGOME DOES NOT LOVE YOU. Shut your trap for once, keep your paws off Kagome, and go make Ayame happy before I turn you into a rug!

Jakotsu: Ugly crossdresser!

Naruto:

UCHIHA SASUKE-TEME!!

The guy is a total BLEEP and that's me being nice. Why do people worship him like a god? And how is it not sensible or a mortal sin to hate him? There is absolutely nothing to like about him, let alone love! Sure, his clan got massacred, and I realize that that is indeed a huge emotional blow, but I'd be far more sympathetic if he didn't act like the universe revolves around him. Naruto had it much, much worse, yet he's kind, loving, and loyal to Konoha despite the way people treated him, while Sasuke is a selfish, pigheaded, egotistical bastard who only cares about himself. Naruto and Sakura understood the hurt he felt from losing his family, and they tried to reach out to him and help him heal--Sakura even OFFERED TO HELP HIM REACH HIS BLEEPING GOALS--but he refused to let them heal his emotional scars and tossed them aside. He also threatened his comrades' lives just for the sake of revenge! He KNEW people loved and cared about him and wanted to help him, and he KNEW Orochimort Jackson was planning to molest him and possess his body, yet he still marched his fat stupid butt off to Oto because, for some reason, it would help him achieve his goals. What's worse is that instead of getting what he deserves, Sasuke has turned into the King of Gary Stus, which undermines Uncle Kishi's skill as an author and totally destroys the Shippuuden plotline. He wins unwinnable fights, has become unrealistically powerful while Naruto and Sakura have only marginally improved, doesn't suffer repercussions from any of his jutsus, gets so much screentime that you would think the series is called the Sasuke Uchiha Show, and has hundreds of thousands of women, both canon characters and fans, falling at his feet. Naruto actually has to work hard to get people to like him and earn recognition, while Sasuke gets every single bleeping thing handed to him on a silver tray! If I could, I would hunt that chicken-haired bastard down, castrate him with my bare hands, and insert poison into his bloodstream. And I hate how people keep thinking Sasuke is some kind of Itachi Junior just because they're brothers. This is one of the most untrue statements I've ever heard. Sasuke doesn't remind me of Itachi at all, nor does he measure up to Itachi in the slightest. They don't even remotely resemble each other! One last thing:

HE. IS. NOT. SEXY!

OROCHIMARU-TEME!! Oops, I got his name wrong. His true name is Lord Orochimort Jackson. (Get it? He's a combination of Voldemort and Michael Jackson!) And he needs to rot and die already! He's trying to destroy Konoha, he doesn't give a bleep about human life, and he sweet-talked Teme into ditching Konoha and coming to Oto just so he could rape him and possess his body! Besides, he tried to molest Itachi-kun!

YAKUSHI KABUTTHEAD!! He's a double-crossing jerk, and he totally misuses his abilities. Killing people, human experimentation, and kissing up to a gay pedophilic snake bastard are NOT what medical ninjas are for!

Karin: Snot-nosed brat. Sure, Sakura and Ino were once crazed Teme fangirls too, as were nearly all the girls of Konoha (with the notable exception of Hinata), but Karin takes it WAY over the top.

All Sound nin: Butt-ugly snake lackeys.

Sarutobi Asuma: GACK! PEW! I don't want to get lung cancer! The guy smokes so much that he should be yellow and stinky by now; I don't know how Kurenai stands being around him! And how the bleep does she manage to kiss him without barfing?

Mizuki: Lying traitor! It's not Naruto's bleeping fault the Kyuubi attacked Konoha! He was the first jerk to show up in the series, and those filler episodes showed that he's an even bigger jerk than I thought. At least he got owned in the first episode, as well as at the end of that filler arc, and has been out of the picture since.

Uchiha Madara: Ko onara (old fart). He isn't Tobi... although he's kind of my kin. Tobi is a good boy with short hair, cute, lovable, and ALIVE. Old Man Madara is a fat ugly old dead dude with big hair who (surprise, surprise) should have STAYED DEAD.

Characters I can't decide whether to like or not:

Haruno Sakura (Naruto): She was useless and annoying during the entire first arc of the story. The only reason she loves Sasuke is because of his looks. That's not a reason to fall in love! Plus, she's got an awful temper and Naruto doesn't need her to be beating him up all the time. I also hate how she suddenly shows concern for Naruto after treating him like garbage for so long. However, I never liked her or hated her, and unlike Sasuke, she did a lot of growing up, and she kicks butt. Her fans like her because she is very much like an ordinary girl. The main reason I don't hate Sakura is because of people who hate her, but like Sasuke-teme. Um, how is he better than she is? What did he do to deserve love, if Sakura is so deserving of hatred? Specifically, what did he do to deserve the love of anime's Helen of Troy (alias Hinata)? That reasoning just doesn't hold water.

Yamanaka Ino (Naruto): She's pretty much a blonde Sakura, except she's more girly, vain, and obsessed with keeping up her appearance. Girls like that get on my nerves. However, she's not a bad person, and I'm glad her crush on Teme faded away over the timeskip.

Kiryuu Zero (Vampire Knight): He's not a bad person, and I feel sorry for him, but he's also really emo and that gets on my nerves. I'm still not sure what to think of him. I'm positive, however, that he and Yuuki should not be together. I'm glad Yuuki cares for him, but she's Kaname's woman.

Padmé Amidala (Star Wars): She annoys me to no end. She's very rash and naive, acting before she thinks nearly all the time. She also acted really sappy around Anakin, which made her look stupid, and was all whiny and annoying when he turned to the dark side. However, she's not all bad, and I like her better when she leaves the Jedi alone.

Naru Narusegawa (Love Hina): She is essentially a second Sakura. She's not a bad person, and she loves Keitaro and the other Hinata inmates, but she has a temper worse than Sakura's and does not seem to understand that poor Keitaro just happens to be in the wrong place at the wrong time. I never know what to think of her.

Amane Misa (Death Note): On the one hand, she's a total idiot and loves Light, even though he really just uses her. On the other, she's nice, as well as a Yaoi deterrent.

Zuko (Avatar): Like Teme, he's a whiny emo. I don't see why girls love him so much. Unlike Teme, however, I sympathize with him. At least he tries to do the right thing. At least he tries to find balance in his troubled heart. At least he learns from his mistakes.

Kurosaki Ichigo (Bleach): He's kind of a jerk, and I wish he'd quit making fun of Rukia's drawings. He's also a bit of a Gary Stu, always fighting the strongest enemies, always rescuing his friends, and being able to beat the Soul Society's strongest captains not long after he became a soulreaper. He's still a good person and a cool guy, and I can see why Orihime and Rukia both like him.

Yui (Fushigi Yuugi): She blamed Miaka for a misunderstanding. Of course, she didn't realize that a misunderstanding occurred, but she did choose to voluntarily become the Priestess of Seiryuu. This leads me to question her character.

---

Couples

As with characters, I form opinions on couples for sensible reasons. That doesn't mean I only support canon pairings, it just means I don't love or hate pairings because "they look sexy together" or solely because they're canon or noncanon. Sometimes "I don't know why; I just do" is a sensible reason. I like most canon pairings because they make sense, but I also tend to like alternative noncanon pairings because as a writer, it's fun to play around with the characters and see who would be compatible even though such a couple would never happen in the canon. However, some noncanon pairings do not work at all no matter how hard you try, and the only way to get them to work is to screw up the characters' characterizations. I want to read about the characters I know and love being themselves, not something they are clearly not. And whatever the pairing, I value a believable plotline more than anything. Although I do enjoy fluffy romantic scenes, too much fluff spoils the story, and too little fluff bores me. Bold type indicates a fervent love/hatred, and I can tolerate those pairings that were not mentioned.

Pairings I adore:

Itachi & me: This is definitely my OTP! I really, really love Itachi. However, I don't appear in all my stories, I don't try to or want to massacre his characterization just to get him to notice me, and I am far more concerned with making those stories I do appear in believable than with mass-producing fluffy romantic scenes solely for my own pleasure.

Sesshomaru & Lin-chan: She's got dibs on him, plain and simple. She's possessive; I'm submissive. She squeals and glomps to show her feelings; I turn red and twiddle my index fingers to show mine. Coincidentally, her name even rhymes with Rin! So if you're a Sesshomaru-sama fangirl, don't disturb Lin-chan. She's a dragon demon, and you are crunchy and quite good with ketchup.

The wonderful Kray Torishi & Hinata: I've never met him in person, but he's very kind and a good friend, and is deeply in love with Hinata. Cut him a little slack; it's really not his fault she has canon pairings! After he showed the biggest display of kindness I've ever had on the Internet, and I noticed the dreadful dearth of reviews on his stories, I think he really deserves her. Here's his amazing story, which I'm currently beta-ing. Please leave him a review.

Rafiki & Rukia: He's another member of the growing Alicia Fan Club, and I think he'd be a good match for Rukia; better even than either Ichigo or Renji, if you ask me.

MC & Tenten: I refer to Morning's Child, who isn't an offical fan of mine, but I admire how he's fallen for Tenten, the most ignored and severely underdeveloped female character in Naruto. I think he'd give her the attention she needs.

Anyone & an OC: OC characters are not bad. Mary Sues and Gary Stus are. OCs go well with characters who lack a canon match, and everyone needs a little love. Instances in which the author is an OC are not bad either, so long as the story is believable. Instances in which the canon character has a canon match are bad only if the author screws up the canon match's character in order to make him/her look bad.

Star Wars:

Obi-Wan Kenobi & an OC: Obi-Wan needs a woman in his life, preferably a Jedi female, but he lacks a good canon match, so it's up to us to make one up.

Qui-Gon Jinn & Tahl Short: It's a shame they didn't get together in the JA novels; they clicked well and Qui-Gon is pro-Jedi romance. (Note: They didn't give Tahl a surname in the novels, so I made one up.)

Han Solo & Leia Organa Skywalker: Can't mess with them, in my opinion.

Luke Skywalker & Mara Jade: Ditto.

Avatar:

Aang & Katara: It's pretty dang obvious that he loves her, and that she returns his feelings.

Sokka & Suki: Ditto.

Sokka & Yue: They clicked well together and had the potential to be a beautiful pair. Yue will always be with Sokka anyway, both in the moon and in his heart.

Sokka & Toph: Hey, it's obvious that she likes him... and they make a very funny couple and I love the humor!

Zuko & Jin: I loved their date together! They would have made a wonderful pair. Jin had the potential to warm up Zuko's troubled heart, and it's possible that they might end up together.

Zuko & Song: Song had the potential to be a good match for Zuko as well. She or Jin could show up again unexpectedly; several minor characters have.

Haru & Toph: They're both Earthbenders, and he's shy and sensitive while she's loud, brash, and sarcastic, so it works.

Inuyasha:

Inuyasha & Kagome: This is one of the funniest couples ever! Inuyasha is a big jerk, similar to Sasu-teme (although his overall personality is more like Kiba), but it's obvious that he likes Kagome. She in turn is constantly ticked off at him, but she also drops many hints that she likes him. It's hilarious when she tells him to sit and he goes kersplat! What's more, they kissed in the manga.

Sesshomaru & Kagome: Yin and Yang, that's why. If Inuyasha rejects Kagome or dies in the end, she could very likely find love in Sesshomaru-sama. Plus Sesshomaru-sama is quite similar to Itachi-kun, and Kagome is very Sakura-ish - scroll to my list of Naruto pairings and you'll get my point.

Sesshomaru & Rin: She is quite loyal to him, and he already harbors a sort of fatherly affection for her, so they might click well romantically once she grows up.

Miroku & Sango: Another very funny couple! It's pretty funny when he fondles her and she yells at him for it. I think she secretly likes it.

Shippo & Rin: Gotta love the chibi cuteness!

Kouga & Ayame: I'm well aware that Kouga is currently Kagome-crazy, but Kagome should go with either Inuyasha or Sesshomaru-sama. Besides, Kouga made a promise to Ayame. He might have done so just to cheer Ayame up or something like that, but a promise is a promise.

Naraku & Kikyo: Why not? Naraku-teme lusts after Kikyo anyway, and her being with him would keep her away from Inuyasha.

Naruto:

Uzumaki Naruto & Hyuuga Hinata: A match made in heaven! It's crystal clear that they deserve each other. I can honestly say that I do not understand people who dislike NaruHina. It's such a perfect example of true love that it feels like not wanting Romeo and Juliet, or Lysander and Hermia, or Demetrius and Helena, or Wesley and Buttercup (watch the movie "The Princess Bride"), to be together. Naruto has been an outcast all his life and Hinata has loved him for who he is this whole time. Well, it began as a crush/admiration in the first arc, but in Shippuuden, we clearly see that her feelings have bloomed into love. She is also very unselfish and values Naruto's happiness above her own, and therefore would treat him right. Naruto has no idea what he's missing, and I hope he (and all the anti-NaruHinatards) get a much-needed wake-up call. Admittedly there is a severe lack of good NaruHina fanfiction, but even that cannot diminish the beauty of this wonderful couple.

Do NOT piss to me about NaruSaku, KibaHina, ShinoHina, TemeHina, NaruTeme, or any other Naru or Hina except for NaruHina. (This applies to any and all other opinions I hold as well.) It will have 0 percent chance of convincing me that you're right and 100 percent chance of ticking me off (as well as a 50 percent chance of me doing the exact same thing to you).

Nara Shikamaru & Kaze no Temari: They've had several "moments" together in the anime and the manga, and they go together rather well: He keeps her under control, while she makes sure he gets up off his lazy butt once in awhile. Plus their hairdos match.

Hyuuga Neji & Tenten: They were "destined" to be together - pardon the pun. Neji's character has improved a lot, however, he still needs the kind of girl who can whip his butt into shape whenever necessary. Tenten is just the woman for the job!

Pein the Akatsuki Leader & Konan: I'm convinced that these two are secretly married to each other.

Sarutobi Konohamaru & Hyuuga Hanabi: It's sort of a second NaruHina, IF you know what I mean.

Rock Lee & Haruno Sakura: People put Sakura with Sasu-teme way too much and I think she would be a better match for Lee. He's a really sweet guy, and he needs more love than he gets. Sakura is violent, bad-tempered, and useless (at first), but Lee loves her all the same. He'd treat her right, and I think he really deserves her.

Uchiha Itachi & Haruno Sakura: Actually, I don't like this pairing as much as I used to, partially because Sakura is a mortal woman, partially because I don't really like her, but largely because most ItaSaku writers have an inner pervert telling them to write shameless lemons between the two. Also, most ItaSaku stories are too serious, and I really only like this couple when it's done humorously. I find the concept of putting Sakura with Itachi fun due to the obvious fact that she loves Teme. Teme dropped hints that he does marginally care for Sakura and that he probably plans to revive her clan with her, so her going with Itachi would be a HUGE slap in the face for him. It's even more fun watching Sakura react to such a situation and it's an excellent excuse to make fun of the Akatsuki.

The Akatsuki as a whole & Haruno Sakura: Again, I really only like this when it's written humorously. It's interesting to see how Sakura interacts with the Akatsuki members, but the best part is that it means we get to MAKE FUN OF THE AKATSUKI GUYS!

Sabaku no Gaara & Haruno Sakura: Gaara has really improved, and he was always cute and huggable despite his initial murderousness. He needs some love and a hug, and Sakura seems like she could be the woman for the job.

Sarutobi Asuma and Yuuhi Kurenai: What will happen, will happen, although I do so pity Kurenai and the baby. Who knows what will happen to the baby due to secondhand smoke?

Iwa no Deidara & Yamanaka Ino: Blonde love! Whee! It's a bang, un!

Hidan & Tayuya: Two professional potty mouths together? It's just too much fun to resist!

Sai & Yamanaka Ino: I know he was being sarcastic when he called her "beautiful," but they seem like they could go together.

Sabaku no Gaara & Yamanaka Ino: Only because they make a very funny couple.

Hoshigaki Kisame & Yamanaka Ino: Ditto.

Jiraiya & Tsunade: Why didn't they get married when they were younger? It's obvious that they like each other.

Hatake Kakashi & Yuuhi Kurenai: Double K! Both have lost someone they hold dear (Kurenai was married to Asuma and Kakashi had a relationship with, and most likely married, Rin), so they have the potential to lean on each other and help each other heal.

Umino Iruka & Mitarashi Anko: I don't know why they seem like a good couple. Iruka has to teach the shinobi arts to a room full of kids every day, and Anko is a crazy lady with an addiction to dango, so I guess it's because they're a funny couple.

Shiranui Genma & Shizune: They're dating!

Other couples:

Kenta & Karin (Chibi Vampire)
Tamahome & Miaka (Fushigi Yuugi)
Kaname & Yuuki (Vampire Knight)
Senri & Rima (Vampire Knight)
Hitsugaya Toshiro & Hinamori Momo (Bleach)
Ichimaru Gin & Matsumoto Rangiku (Bleach)
Saotome Ranma & Tendo Akane (Ranma 1/2)
Tsukune & Moka (Rosario Vampire)
Keiichi & Belldandy (Oh My Goddess!)
Wesley & Buttercup (The Princess Bride)
Edward Cullen & Bella Swan (Twilight)
Suou Tamaki & Fujioka Haruhi (Ouran)
Entire Host Club & Fujioka Haruhi (Ouran)
Sohma Kyo & Honda Tohru (Fruits Basket)

Pairings I deplore:

All Yaoi & Yuri: I don't agree with either one, both in fiction and in real life (It's the deeds themselves I don't agree with; I still respect those who swing that way). Yuri isn't much of a problem because not many like it and those who do don't really bother others. I am completely fed up with Yaoi and Yaoi fans, though. I'm sick of all the good fanfiction being buried under all the crappy SasuNaru fics that line every single bleeping page of the Naruto archive, and I'm tired of being forced to look at nasty ItaKisa/ItaNaru/Uchihacest pictures whenever I want to find decent Itachi fanart. Come on, Yaoi fantard; there are animes out there in which Yaoi is actually canon, like Gravitation and Loveless, which I'm sure were made just for you. Now don't give me any of that "But Naruto and Sasuke kissed, so it's canon!" or "Itachi and Kisame are partners, so it must be love!" crap, or something similar. NONE OF THE CHARACTERS IN NARUTO, INUYASHA, BLEACH, FMA, etc. (except for Orochimort Jackson) ARE GAY! Can't you see that, Yaoi fantard? STOP SPAMMING THE FF/FA PAGES WITH YOUR STUPID NONCANON YAOI CRAP AND DESTROYING THE BEAUTIFUL CHARACTERS IN THE ANIME/MANGA/VIDEO GAMES WE LIKE! GO READ/WATCH SOME CANON YAOI AND LEAVE US ALONE!

Incest: You say it's hot, but it's just plain wrong in so many ways. Not only does it cause harm to the parties involved, but close family members have such similar DNA that their children would be mutants and most likely die young. Still not convinced? Well, would you still consider incest hot if your father, brother, or cousin actually married/molested you? Or if your sexy (male) older cousin was raping your little brother and you knew about it?

Pedo pairings: Pedo pairings involve two people with a ten-year age gap or more being paired up. That just won't do. Especially in pedo pairings in which the woman is older. An age gap of five years is reasonable, but not more than ten.

Harem: I've only seen this done for Naruto, but it might have been done with other characters in other series as well. I agree that Naruto does deserve to be acknowledged and treated with respect. However, there aren't enough girls in the series as it is and pairing them all up with one guy deprives the other guys of a whole lot. Seriously, Naruto is not going to come home and suddenly find women falling at his feet. Also, he is not a womanizer. He respects women and would never hurt, betray, or rape a girl, and even though he's been trained mostly by Konoha's two most perverted men, he himself is not a pervert.

Myself & anyone other than Itachi: This includes real guys - yes, I'm talking to you, Romeo; go find another online date!

Star Wars:

Obi-Wan Kenobi & Siri Tachi: I tried, but I just do not like them as a couple. Sure, he did have a crush on her once, but he had a crush on almost all the girls he met! She also found out he was crushing on her and turned him down. She is very focused on her work and would not be likely to open her heart to him, despite the fact that she went from being all mad at him to being a good friend of his.

Obi-Wan Kenobi & Padmé Amidala: Even worse. Princess, go husband-shopping in the court of Naboo or in the Galactic Senate and leave the Jedi alone!

Obi-Wan & anyone besides OCs: He just doesn't go well with anyone in the canon.

Any Jedi man & any non-Jedi woman: It's sexist. Pairing up a Jedi man with a non-Jedi woman implies that the women of the Order are useless and the men are superheroes. I'm sick and tired of the women of the Order being constantly undermined both in canon and in fandom.

Qui-Gon Jinn & Shmi Skywalker: He's a Jedi. She's not. Do I support couples like that?

Darth Vader & Padmé Amidala: The stories about this are just stupid.

Anakin Skywalker & anyone: That loser doesn't deserve anybody. I used to not mind Anakin/Padmé that much because it was canon and I couldn't do anything about it, even though they DO NOT go together. However, the Star Wars page is full of Anakin/Padmé fics that are unoriginal, cliched, and even crappier than the canon love story was. I had to stop reading that page because I quickly got tired of all the stale, tasteless, cliched crap yakking for twenty paragraphs or more about how much the King of Losers and the Foolish Politician lurve each other that line every page of the whole bleeping archive, and it made me puke!

Emperor Palpatine & anyone: The last thing that ugly old fart needs is an Empress.

Avatar:

Zuko & Katara: Who the heck made this up? They don't go together. Sure, they're opposite elemental types, but are actually quite alike. Both are temperamental and stubborn, and single-minded in pursuing goals. They would most likely argue so much on their first date that their relationship would be over before their dinner arrived. It would also be cruel to Aang to have Katara run off with Zuko. Zutara is just overdone and the only way people can get it to work is to screw up everyone's character.

Aang & Toph: Their personalities don't match. Aang is cheerful, free-spirited, and kind; Toph is serious, short-tempered, and tough. Aang just doesn't go with anyone except Katara, and Toph has dropped slight hints that she likes Sokka.

Jet & Katara: She deserves better.

Haru & Katara: Wannabe Pretty Boy is a nice guy, but Aang and Katara deserve each other.

Haru & Ty Lee: She's too hyperactive and happy-go-lucky for him.

Sokka & Ty Lee: Well, they're OK together, because it's kind funny to picture Ty Lee with Sokka, but I much prefer him with Suki or Toph.

Zuko & Toph: Toph would just beat the crap out of Zuko when he ticked her off.

Azula & anyone: She's a BLEEP and should die. Although if she found a man she fancied, she'd probably torture him until he couldn't take it anymore and proposed for fear of death.

Inuyasha:

Inuyasha & Kikyo: I don't care what anyone says; the undead and the living cannot be together. (When I say undead, I don't mean vampires or shinigami; I mean resurrected mortals.) She's dead; he'd have to be DEAD TOO in order for them to be together. Inu x Living!Kikyo might be OK, but I don't really think so because Kikyo wanted Inuyasha to become full human, and therefore her love for him seems to be conditional love. Kagome accepted him for who he is.

Naraku & Kagome: I'M GONNA PUKE!!

Sesshomaru & Kikyo: What the bleep? How dare they do that to Sesshomaru-sama! It's even worse than Inuyasha and Kikyo together!

Kouga & Kagome: Kagome belongs to either Inuyasha or Sesshomaru-sama. Plus, Kouga sucks. Put him with Ayame or make him into a wolfskin rug.

Shippo & Kagome: It's more of a mother-son relationship. It's also too reminiscent of NaruSaku for my liking.

Inuyasha & Sango: Inuyasha + Kagome = love; Miroku + Sango = love; Inuyasha + Sango = Sango flaying Inuyasha alive when he angers her.

Miroku & Kagome: Inuyasha + Kagome = love; Miroku + Sango = love, Miroku + Kagome = Kagome slapping Miroku for looking up her skirt.

Sesshomaru & Sango: Sango belongs to Miroku.

Sesshomaru & Kagura: I pity Kagura because she's Naraku's slave, but I just don't think she and Sesshomaru-sama go together very well.

Naruto:

Uzumaki Naruto & Haruno Sakura: Absolutely not. They don't go together at all. Naruto + Hinata = love; Lee + Sakura = love; Naruto + Sakura = Naruto becoming Sakura's personal punching bag. Sakura's character has greatly improved, and she and Naruto have become like a brother and a sister, but they aren't romantically compatible. The only reason he likes her is because of her looks. That's no reason to fall in love! She isn't good enough for him - she treated him like garbage throughout Part One, and though she does care for him in Shippuuden, that's largely because she has realized the error of her ways. Also, his "promise of a lifetime" was his acceptance that she loved another man. If NaruSaku were canon, their relationship would have had to develop toward love pre-Shippuuden, and Sakura and Hinata's respective feelings for Teme and Naruto would have faded out during the timeskip, not bloomed into love. Also, it would be cruel to Hinata if Naruto and Sakura were married. I might not hate this pairing so much if the fans of it weren't so pretentious. A large percentage of NaruSaku fans that I call the Extremely Pretentious NaruSaku Fan Club, who seek to woo everyone into becoming one of them, have actually killed any tolerance I had for this pairing. The EPNSFC thinks they know everything and will try to shove their opinion down your throat any chance they get. They even yell at the select few NaruSaku fans who respect others' opinions! I'm well aware that the main male character and the main female character often go together, but they aren't always compatible. Naruto DOES NOT NEED a woman with a temper, and Sakura DOES NOT DESERVE Naruto. Sakura is as much in love with Naruto as I am in love with Chouji, and Naruto is as much in love with Sakura as Kray-kun is in love with Anko.

Uchiha Sasuke & Hyuuga Hinata: Naruto + Hinata = love; Sasuke + death = love; Sasuke + Hinata = cruel and unusual punishment. I feel like I am being raped when I even think about that chicken-haired bastard getting his filthy hands on Hinata. It is like pairing me up with Orochimort Jackson (you know, a girl getting hitched to a creep undeserving of life itself, who also attempted to harm the man she loves). Hinata was practically the only girl in Konoha who wasn't all over Sasuke-teme, and after how he hurt Naruto, Sakura, and Konoha as a whole, she wouldn't want to go anywhere near him. Teme is too self-centered to even notice or care about Hinata, and he doesn't deserve the love of any woman, let alone the love of a gentle, beautiful, innocent girl like her. The only way people can get this pairing to work is to totally screw up everyone's character. Also, most fans of this pairing who are not EPNSFC hate Sakura and treat her like the devil incarnate, but worship Teme and act like he actually deserves Hinata's love. Get this through your heads, Teme/Hina fans: Sasuke is NOT BETTER than Sakura. Hinata DOES NOT LOVE him, she DOES NOT DESERVE him, and he DOES NOT DESERVE her.

Uchiha Sasuke and anyone: He doesn't deserve anyone, and no one deserves him. He just needs to die a painful death.

Uzumaki Naruto & Yamanaka Ino: Loudmouth Boy and Bratty Blondie together? No! Naruto and Ino each think the other is annoying!

Uzumaki Naruto & Kaze no Temari: She might understand him because of the Kyuubi, since she has the vessel Gaara for a brother, but she's too snippy and temperamental for him and she already has a pet lazy bum with a pineapple on his head.

Naruto & anyone over ten years older than he is: A young teenage boy and a grown woman together is even creepier than a little girl and an old man.

Inuzuka Kiba & Hyuuga Hinata: Kiba and Shino care for Hinata, since she's their teammate and she's likeable, but I can't really see Hinata with Kiba. She doesn't strike me as the type who would want to live with dogs, and a far better match for Kiba would be a cat woman.

Aburame Shino & Hyuuga Hinata: Shino's kind of creepy, but pretty cool, but I can't see Hinata with him either. I don't think she could handle living with all those bugs 24/7.

The Akatsuki as a whole & Hyuuga Hinata: Hinata is just too soft, sweet, kind, and shy to even ditch Konoha, let alone fall for S-class criminals, and Akatsuki has nothing to gain by having her as a member - she's not strong or cold-blooded enough for them. Sakura fits their mold a lot better than Hinata does. The only exception to this is TobiHina because Tobi coughObitocough is Naruto-ish enough that Hinata might notice him.

Uchiha Itachi & Hyuuga Hinata: Some would say I should like this pairing, because it involves my favorite male and favorite female characters. However, favorite characters are like main characters: Sometimes they go together, but not always. If Itachi and Hinata were compatible, I would certainly want to pair them up. However: Naruto + Hinata = love; Itachi + me = love; Itachi + Hinata = Itachi killing Hinata because she's afraid of him.

Hyuuga Neji & Hyuuga Hinata: Give me an I, give me an N, give me a C, give me an E, give me an S, give me a T! What's that spell? INCEST! They are freaking COUSINS! I know that in ancient Japan, cousins married to retain the family lineage, but Neji's dad and Hinata's dad were twin brothers, so their DNA is more similar than it otherwise would be, and she calls him "older brother" anyway. Any worse and Neji could learn the Sexy no Jutsu with a shadow clone and do himself.

Uchiha Itachi & Yamanaka Ino: Ino is way too girly and annoying; Itachi would most likely kill her, and even if not, he sure wouldn't fall for her.

Uchiha Itachi & Kaze no Temari: Shikamaru + Temari = love; Itachi + me = love; Itachi + Temari = Itachi and Temari killing each other when one gets mad.

Uchiha Itachi & Konan: Like I said, I'm convinced that Pein and Konan are married.

Itachi & any mortal woman: A mortal woman could do nothing to ensure that Itachi will not age or rot.

Naruto & anyone other than Hinata or an OC: She has seen him for who he is since the beginning, and she really deserves him. He in turn deserves her because he's been treated like crap his whole life and needs a girl like her. OC characters with similar personalities would also be good matches for them.

Hinata & anyone other than Naruto or an OC: Ditto.

Hyuuga Neji & Haruno Sakura: Lee + Sakura = love; Neji + Tenten = love; Neji + Sakura = Sakura becoming Tenten's new weapon pincushion.

Rock Lee & Tenten: Lee + Sakura = love; Neji + Tenten = love, Lee + Tenten = Tenten pelting Lee with weapons when he gets on her nerves.

Yakushi Kabuto & Haruno Sakura: No. Kabutthead has issues. Big issues.

Akimichi Chouji & Yamanaka Ino: Because he's fat, he's fat, he's really, really fat! Chouji is sweet, and, according to an OC who liked him, big, cute, and huggable like a teddy bear, but Ino is obsessed with keeping up her appearance and would not want to marry/date a fat man. She, Shikamaru, and Chouji are more like siblings anyway, due to the fact that their dads were teammates.

Maito Gai & anyone: I can't really see him pairing well with anybody besides an OC.

Orochimaru & anyone: RUN! THE PEDOPHILE IS COMING!

Pairings I can't decide on:

Nara Shikamaru & Yamanaka Ino (Naruto): Ino could do the same thing for Shikamaru that Temari would do. However, I much prefer him with Temari.

Zero & Yuuki (Vampire Knight): They share so much, and Zero could use someone there for him, but Kaname and Yuuki are meant to be together.

Nakago & Yui (Fushigi Yuugi): It seemed like he liked her, and they might be a good couple, but I'm not sure because Yui isn't a completely bad character. Nakago is actually pretty cool, if rather evil.

Kurosaki Ichigo & Kuchiki Rukia (Bleach): There is just something about the two shinigami that I can't quite put my finger on. However, I also like him with Orihime, and her with Renji (even though Renji is ugly and I hate his hair).

Kurosaki Ichigo & Inoue Orihime (Bleach): Orihime's love for Ichigo is so much like Hinata's love for Naruto; they should be together. However, he also goes well with Rukia, and she and Uryuu make a very funny couple.

Keitaro Urashima & Naru Narusegawa (Love Hina): A loudmouth moron getting hitched to a bad-tempered, violent girl he's crushed on since he knew her? Hm. Smacks of NaruSaku to me. However, there is a chemistry between them that is absent in Sakura and Naruto (thank goodness). Their marriage left me in a state of utter confusion.

Keitaro Urashima & Shinobu Maehara (Love Hina): As Naru is another Sakura, Shinobu is another Hinata. She is obviously attracted to Keitaro, but he's much older than she is and I don't like pedo pairings.

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Some good crossover pairings:

Itachi & Kagome (I cannot explain it. They just seem to click. I like this pairing way more than Itachi x Sakura, considering as Kagome is sort of a kinder, gentler, prettier Sakura.)
Sasuke & Kikyo (Since they aren't dead yet, why not pair them up?)
Madara & Kikyo (Undead hanyou, undead miko, two undead together... works. It's also a good complement to Itachi x Kagome.)
Kabuto & Azula (They seemed to have several "moments" together in "Bending the Jutsu" by Son Kenshin.)
Sasuke & Azula (Both are power-hungry bastards with Mary Sue abilities, and they both need to burn in hell, so why not put them together?)
L & Sakura (L looks kind of like Sasuke-teme, except he's a lot cooler... and I don't even like Death Note.)
Toshiro & Sakura (I'm starting to check out Bleach, and people seem to think this is a nice pairing.)
Tobi & Orihime (A good boy and a good girl together!)

Some horrendous crossover pairings:

Itachi & Kikyo (He doesn't deserve an undead clay pot. And I'd rather she took Inuyasha to hell with her than Itachi.)
Itachi & Azula (I seriously want to slap this guy hard across the face for inventing this despicable pairing. Not only did he invent it, he managed to gather a whole FAN CLUB devoted to this atrocity. I was puking into the toilet for weeks after I found out about it!)

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THE NARUTARD SURVEY! NARUTARDS UNITE!

1. Who is your favorite Naruto character(s)?

Itachi, Hinata, Naruto

2. What is your favorite pairing(s)?

Naruto/Hinata, Lee/Sakura, Itachi/Kagome, Itachi/Sakura, Akatsuki/Sakura, Pein/Konan, Neji/Tenten, Shikamaru/Temari, Sai/Ino, Deidara/Ino, Hidan/Tayuya, Kakashi/Rin, Kakashi/Kurenai, Iruka/Anko, Jiraiya/Tsunade, Genma/Shizune, Konohamaru/Hanabi, Udon/Moegi, anyone/OC, Kisame/fish, Kray/Hinata, Itachi/me, Sasuke/death

3. Are you a Naruto yaoi or hentai fan?

I'm sick and tired of Yaoi of any kind, Naruto Yaoi most of all (especially Yaoi couples that include Itachi), although I won't complain about canon Yaoi like Gravitation or Loveless. I only don't like hentai because I'm not a pervert and I don't want to be one.

4. Ever cosplayed Naruto characters?

No, but I think I'd make a decent Hinata.

5. List your collection of Naruto junk and merchandise, if any:

All the manga volumes out in the US so far, a Konoha forehead protector, two Naruto T-shirts, a Konoha leaf pendant, an Itachi plushie, a wall scroll, several posters plastered all over my room

6. Have you ever felt that you were destined to be with a Naruto character? If so, who?

Itachi x Alicia forever!!

7. NaruHina or KibaHina?

Naruto and Hinata can't go with anyone besides each other or OCs. It would just be cruel and wrong to do otherwise. They deserve each other, plain and simple. Plus I don't like Kiba that much.

8. SasuSaku or SasuNaru?

Don't like either of them. Although SasuSaku is somewhat tolerable, unlike that stupid overdone Yaoi crap known as SasuNaru.

9. Which team is your favorite?

Team 8. Shino's calm, cool, and collected. I don't really like Kiba, but he's kind of funny, and I'm glad he cares for Hinata. Kurenai is kind, understanding, motherly, and supportive - the kind of qualities I look for in a mentor. Hinata is my favorite female character, and she's like a daughter to me.

10. Do you support the Tobito theory? (Tobi=Obito)

Most definitely! Both are kawaii good boys missing an eye.

11. Do you support the 'Yondaime is Naruto's father' theory?

Of course!

12. Your favorite Akatsuki member?

My precious Itachi-kun!

13. Are you Pro-Sasuke or Anti-Sasuke?

The guy is a total bleep who needs to die a painful death and that's me being nice.

14. Have you seen all Naruto episodes so far (including Shippuden and fillers)?

I only have access to what is released in the US so far. But I'm OK with that; I feel that seeing the spoilers in advance constitutes cheating, although I'm kind of ticked that Shippuuden hasn't come over here yet.

15. Have you read all the manga chapters so far?

All the chapters released in the US so far. Yet somehow, even though I don't have access to spoilers, the news still manages to find its way to me.

16. Do you believe Naruto has ADD?

No. Who thought of that?

17. Sub or dub?

Dub. I see nothing objectionable about the dubs and I'm sick and tired of all the stupid dub-bashing among the fans. Plus I don't have time to watch the subs.

18. Pro-Sakura or Anti-Sakura?

Neither. I don't like her that much, but I do hate it when people portray her as a heartless bleep, a whore, or an overly-Sasuke-obsessed crybaby, none of which she actually is. However, my answer will be changed immediately to "Anti" if Sakura marries Naruto or even THINKS about falling in love with him.

19. Tobi = Annoying or funny?

Hilarious! "Tobi is a good boy!" I couldn't agree more.

20. Do you even know who Tobi is?

Yes. And he's not Old Man Madara.

21. Gai = Sexy beast or Ugly nerd?

Ugly nerd, but a fun and likeable one. The Power of Youth? It cracks me up!

22. Which character would be the best crossdresser?

Deidara, even though his hairdo is the only thing I think really looks girly. It would be more fun to put Sasuke-teme in a dress, however.

23. Rock Lee = Weird or Awesome?

Both. He and Sakura definitely go together.

24. Which character would be best OOC? Who and how?

It would be nice to see Hinata run up to Naruto and kiss him.

25. Do you like Naruto fanfics?

Indeed I do. What do you think I joined this site for? My list of favorite stories includes several stunning literary gems that put my own writing skills to shame.

26. Do you write Naruto fanfics?

I'm a writer, and I do what I do best: I write. My fanfiction "What's Meant To Be Will Always Find a Way" is a huge hit. "Cherry Blossom of My Heart" was a hit as well, even though it sucks baseballs, basketballs, soccer balls, tennis balls, and pretty much all balls except footballs and male private parts.

27. Do you like lemons?

Er. They scar my brain. Especially if they include Itachi. And even if I were a pervert, I can't write a lemon to save my life. Plus my folks would murder me eighty times if they caught me writing one.

28. Do your parents know about the Naruto characters?

They certainly do, and my Otousan has thought up whole books of bad jokes because of it. I've lost count of the number of Itachi/Me bad jokes Dad has told so far.

29. Have you watched the Naruto Abridged Series?

I've seen some of it, and it's utterly ridiculous.

30. Have you seen The Naruto Ultimate Fanflashes?

Indeed I have, and Snowdragon is a certified genius.

31. Have you ever gotten someone else hooked on Naruto?

You bet I have, dattebayo! Especially since I was the one who got hooked first.

32. Have you ever been drawing Naruto in school and has someone recognized it?

Even though I do draw, it takes me ten hours to produce just one lineart (and three of those hours are spent deciding how I want it to look). Thus I don't have time to draw in school... but if I did, my notes would be covered in intricate Itachi/Me doodles.

33. Have you ever been in class drawing Naruto and the teacher came up to you and said "WTF is this?"

See above answer.

34. Has Naruto affected your school life and grades?

School life, pretty much, grades, not really. Mostly all I do in school is daydream (you know what about).

35. Are you broke thanks to Naruto?

Well, I'm broke already because my Daddy can't pay me.

36. Do you want to read Icha Icha Paradise?

I don't want to be a pervert!

37. Do you support the 'Yondaime is the Akatsuki Leader' theory?

Yondy's from Konoha; Pein's from Rain. Yondy's up in heaven with a harp and a halo; Pein is stuck in the office dealing with bijuu and paperwork. In short, the answer is no.

38. Do you draw Naruto fanart?

I've started to. I plan to get a Deviantart account and post my drawings when I get good enough.

39. Is Sasuke still sexy in his second stage of the cursed seal?

That chicken-haired bastard was never sexy to begin with. Besides, he looks like an 80's heavy-metal punk rocker in second state.

40. Do you have a Naruto OC?

Yes, several, and I'm very careful about how I develop them. I am one of my own OCs, and I share most of them with Kray Torishi (himself an author/OC). I mostly make them to pair off lonely characters.

41. Looking back at some of your answers, do you think Naruto has taken over your life?

No. Of course not. PSYCHE NO JUTSU! See?

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Important notice:

If I hear any of the following from you:

"I hate Hinata."
"Itachi is gay."
"A guy and a girl together? EW!"
"NaruHina? You're so stupid. Everyone knows Naruto only loves Sakura."
"ZOMG UCHIHACEST IS SO S00PER SHMEXY!"
"Hate Sasuke-kun? Go burn in hell!"
"You're going straight to hell because you deviate from canon."

then I refuse to have anything to do with you.

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Stories I am currently betareading:

Secrets of the Clan: Kray-kun's pet project and my very favorite story on the site. Drop on by and leave him a review.

My Own Legend: I believe this story has the potential to be great, almost as great as the greatest Naruto fanfiction ever, Team 8 by the wonderful S'Tarkan. Hizumi-kun is incredibly skilled at writing fight scenes, writing Japanese words, and inventing jutsus. I believe that his story will far surpass my own pet project. Please leave him a review.

From Sunrise to Sunset: While I am slightly jealous of Ity-chan's OC (as she is a mortal woman), I'm glad I have the chance to read and edit her story, as the OC was becoming too much of a goddess and a Sue, and there were several grammatical and punctuation errors in the raw version. I am doing all I can to make this story a treat. Please leave her a review. (Note: She posted her raw, unedited documents before she hired me as her editor, so you might see that.)

I will add your story to this list should you ask for my services as an editor.

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Alicia-chan's color commentary on pairings and such

Since I'm a more hardcore shipper for some pairings than others, I will offer more detailed insight.

Noncanon is not a synonym for "bad." A lot of noncanon pairings are a lot of fun to read and write, and I've stated earlier that the purpose of this site is NOT to parrot the creator.

I DO NOT LIKE YAOI AND YURI!

I DO NOT LIKE INCEST!

Why? You already know. I said it before.

If I must choose a favorite Yaoi, it would probably have to be OroSasu because the teme needs to be taught a lesson somehow.

If you are a girl and you HATE Yaoi, copy and paste this into your profile.

Now, I don't think that ALL Yaoi fans are brain-dead fantards. Heck, my friend SorceressEdea7 is a Yaoi fangirl! However, she is reasonable. She understands that the characters in her favorite series are not actually gay, hates to see them OOC regardless, likes both Yaoi and traditional pairings, accepts that I personally don't like Yaoi (I respect her opinions too), and has searched desperately for (and managed to find) well-written Yaoi fics. Nonetheless, most Yaoi fans are... suffice it to say they're the type that gets on my nerves.

Being in love with an anime character does not mean I'm a brain-dead, twelve-year-old fantard who screws up everyone's character or mass-produces fluffy scenes solely for my own pleasure. It's obvious that I am no longer twelve, and that I take my writing very seriously.

Zutara is never gonna happen in a million years, not even if the Zutara shippers were to kidnap Zuko and Katara and force them to get married.

If you still support Kataang and haven't reverted to the dark side (Zutara) yet (despite bribes of cookies), copy this into your profile.

"I am Wan Shi Tong, he who knows 10,000 things. The 4923rd thing I know is that Katara and Aang will end up together." Copy this into your profile if you believe it.

ZUTARA IS DEAD (and never was alive). The Season Two finale proves this. Copy this into your profile if you agree.

If you think Zutara should be made illegal, copy and paste this into your profile.

If you would like to see a movie called "Zutara Must Die" made, copy and paste this into your profile.

Naruto for Rokudaime Hokage! If you also want Naruto to succeed Tsunade as the next Hokage, copy and paste this to your profile page, and add your name to the list! Help Naruto achieve his dream!: KinKitsune01, adngo714, MarlinMan, Alicia Kawa Uchiha

If Naruto ever proposed to Sakura, she would scream "Not on your life" and pummel him into pudding.

If you absolutely cannot stand the mere thought of Naruto and Sakura as a couple, copy and paste this into your profile.

Sakura's not really that much of a jerk, and she is NOT a spineless, stupid fangirl with no brain cells, as some of her bashers think. I don't hate her, however, she isn't one of my favorites. But I swear on the grave of the dead Uchiha clan that the day Sakura marries Naruto is the day she joins Sasuke-teme on my blacklist forever. (After breaking Hinata's heart like that, she would deserve Chicken-Butt a lot more than she'd deserve Naruto.)

Truth be told, I actually gave Sasuke a chance. I tried to at least pity him, but he blew all the chances I gave him. He went on my blacklist before I even knew who Itachi was. So don't attribute my hatred of him to the pull of my heartstrings. Heck, over half my romantic rivals are Teme lovers too! (They think he's some sort of Itachi Junior, as well as also hot. I do not share that opinion.)

Sasuke-teme's fanbase makes him even less likeable than he already is. They act like everybody is supposed to worship him like a god and that anyone who doesn't love him with all his/her heart is going to go straight to heck. What sensible reason is there for this? And it seems odd that the same Teme fangirls who want to murder their romantic rivals for touching their pwecious Saskay-kunny and hate Sakura for being "in their way" also claim that it's a mortal sin to not like Sasuke-teme. Make up your mind, for cryin' out loud!

If the Jedi Council is so adamantly against marriage within the Order, surely they would condemn unwed intercourse, Yaoi, Yuri, incest, and extramarital relations much, much more strongly. And with the Code in place like that, any Jedi would sooner marry than do those things.

Since Yue is the moon spirit and she can't be with Sokka, him being with Suki is not cheating on Yue.

If you hate NejiHina copy and paste this into your profile.

My creed on Jedi marriage: Although I firmly believe that the Jedi should be allowed to freely marry, Jedi who marry should marry Jedi because pairing Jedi men with non-Jedi women only further makes the underrepresented women of the Jedi Order look either weak or nonexistent. (Did you SEE the way Uncle George treated the women of the Order in the movies? It's SEXISM, I tell you! Flat-out, blatant sexism!)

I know Hinata is too shy to make her move and Naruto is too stupid to notice her affection. BUT I DON'T CARE. That doesn't make them any less meant for each other. Wake up and smell the cookies, people! They deserve each other, for cryin' out loud! It's so obvious! She needs to be with her One True Love; he needs someone who will truly love him for who he is, as she does. I cannot understand how anyone could want to be so cruel to Hinata as to give her to some other jerk who she doesn't love. Particularly if said jerk is a whiny emo doofus with chicken-butt hair. What's meant to be will always find a way, as I have titled my story. It is merely up to us writers to find out what that way is. And if Kishimoto-otouji DARES break Hinata-chan's heart by not giving her to Naruto, I will feed him to Kyuubi along with Orochipervert and rewrite the entire series so that all is as it should be!

As for poor Hinata going with the whiny emo doofus... Well, I'd druther marry Sasuke myself than let him touch Hinata. And if Uncle Kishi DARES give her to him, I will have to murder him personally.

In short: ONLY NARUTO can be with Hinata, and ONLY HINATA can be with Naruto.

Since the women of the Jedi Order are grossly underrepresented in the movies (ahem Uncle George, you sexist), I see Illiana as an icon for the feminine side of the Jedi, and I'm making my story a lot more believable than Uncle George's plot in movies 1-3 was; thus all of my Star Wars fics (read: one) include Illiana. She is a reincarnation of my thirteen-year-old self, when I was completely and utterly Star Wars crazy. I've de-Suified her as far as she'll go, so either read if you like or go do something else if you don't. Well, all of the amazing ChorusGirl's Star Wars fics include her OC Miss Christa Xha (who should have been a Jedi, because pairing Jedi men with non-Jedi women is sexist). She also enjoys ObiOC stories, although hers are quite a bit naughtier than anything I produce, and she's got me on tabs.

If you don't think Deidara looks that much like a girl, copy and paste this into your profile.

If you think that Sasuke from Naruto completely has to have the nickname "Chicken Butt Hair Dude" copy and paste this into your profile while laughing your head off!

If you screech "KAWAII!!" at the top of your lungs whenever you read good AkatSaku stories, copy and paste this into your profile.

If you support the "Sasuke and Naruto are NOT Gay" cause, copy and paste this into your profile. Because they are NOT!!

If you can hear the voices of the characters in your head, copy and paste this into your profile. (I can hear Itachi saying, "That's my girl.")

If your family wonders how you can remember all the Naruto characters' names, copy and paste this into your profile and add your name to the list: Moonlight Music Mistress, SakuraUchiha14, Alicia Kawa Uchiha

If your family and friends get REALLY ticked off with your constant talking about Naruto, copy and paste this into your profile and add your name to the list: Moonlight Music Mistress, SakuraUchiha14, Alicia Kawa Uchiha

If you love Naruto couples, whatever they may be, as much as the show itself, copy and paste this into your profile and add your name to the list: Moonlight Music Mistress, SakuraUchiha14, Alicia Kawa Uchiha

If you wish with every fiber of your soul that you owned Naruto and have a million "If I owned Naruto" funny disclaimers planned out, copy and paste this into your profile and add your name to the list: Moonlight Music Mistress, SakuraUchiha14, Alicia Kawa Uchiha

If you love and want to marry any Naruto character on the whole show, copy and paste this into your profile and add your name to the list: Moonlight Music Mistress, SakuraUchiha14, Alicia Kawa Uchiha

If you are an Itachi fangirl and just cannot hold it in, copy and paste this into your profile.

If you think of Itachi whenever you hear the word "weasel," or see said animal cross your path, copy and paste this into your profile.

Anakin x Padme is overrated. They fell in love, they tied the knot, they didn't know what they were doing, they had twins. It all happened; we don't need to do fanfiction to make it happen. We don't need ten million stories describing their solidly canon affair in great detail. Vader x Padme is overrated too, not to mention just plain foolish and asinine.

Considering as the only Uchihas left are a weasel and a chicken, it really makes you wonder what the rest of them were like.

Despite my taste for romance, I plant only the seeds of the flower of love and the flower of matrimony, not lemon and lime trees. Even if I were eighteen or older, I wouldn't do M-rated lemons and limes if you paid me in root beer and chocolate. And there's a lot I would do for root beer and chocolate that I wouldn't do for money. (Eh... this has nothing to do with the fact that my folks would murder me eighty times if they caught me writing lemons, by the way...)

If I weren't afraid of getting stupid cruel reviews from pigheaded blockheads, I would have written quite a bit of Italicia by now.

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Book of quotes

"Dattebayo!" - Naruto

"SIT!" - Kagome

"I never go back on my word... because that, too, is my nindou -- my ninja way!" - Hinata-chan

"Sorry I'm late, I'm afraid I got lost on the road of life." - Kakashi-sensei

"Foolish little brother..." - Itachi-kun

"If you wish to kill me, curse me, hate me, and survive your miserable life... Run away and cling to life... without honor!" - Itachi-kun

"What? Not allowed to write lemons? However do you survive with those parents of yours?" - SorceressEdea7

"Back off! My Mr. Fluffykins!" - Lin-chan (Tch. Typical "squealy and annoying" approach. Sometimes I wonder how Sesshomaru-sama stands it.)

"Rome wasn't built in a day. True love isn't either." - Me

"I like the prewriting and brainstorming part of writing the most because it makes me feel like I actually have control over something. Then when I edit and see what the people like, I realize that my characters and my audience are taking control away from me. Sometimes I just wish I could cast them out of the proverbial Garden of Eden I call my head." - Kray-kun

"Mortal foolishness -- it's the gift that keeps on giving." - Me

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A few last words

While I do enjoy writing for pleasure, you reviewers are a large motivation for me. There's not much point in writing if no one wants to read your stories.

And did I mention that I make cookies? Oh yes, Alicia's Famous Cookies are made from scratch daily in my kitchenette, and I give them out to my reviewers and to writers whose stories I like. Read and review what I put on your plate, and you can get up to twenty jars of cookies for your time and trouble, or perhaps even more! Granted, I make other sweets, but my cookies you'll love! (Talk about motivation!)

If you have actually taken the time and trouble to read this entire profile, then congratulations, you have received a jar of my cookies! Now read my stories, and you'll get more. A whole lot more.

Oh, and if you hate Sasuke-doofus, you're a friend of mine. If you love Hinata, you're a very good friend of mine. And if you love Itachi-kun, I LOVE YOU!

Huggles and kisses,

Alicia-chan

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