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PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE REVIEW MY STORIES!!

Mitch: You know, um, something strange happened to me this morning...
Chris Knight: Was it a dream where you see yourself standing in sort of sun-god robes on a pyramid with a thousand naked women screaming and throwing little pickles at you?
Mitch: No...
Chris Knight: Why am I the only one who has that dream?

I'm 17, fabulously beautiful, famous, world traveler, present consort of Johnny Depp.

Now, I didn't lie about my age and that's about it. You'll just have to invent something yourself!

But really; someday Johnny Depp will find me /83

My Loves- Johnny Depp, Edward Scissorhands, Princess Bride, Beetlejuice, (cartoon and movie!) money -), Computers that DON'T CRASH!! and people who review my stories

My Hates- Arnold Schwarzenneger (?!), Computers that DO CRASH!! my x-boyfriend :/, and spinach.

If you don't review my stories, I will send the review zombie after you!

Favorite Quotes!

Will the people in the cheaper seats clap your hands? And the rest of you, if you'll just rattle your jewelry. -John Lennon

The average woman would rather have beauty than brains, because the average man can see better than he can think.

Son, if you really want something in this life, you have to work for it. Now quiet! They're about to announce the lottery numbers. - Homer Simpson

Men are like bank accounts.
Without a lot of money they just don't generate a lot of interest.

"Flying is simple. You just throw yourself at the ground and miss."

Hard work never killed anybody, but why take a chance?

You tried your best and you failed miserably. The lesson is 'never try'. -Homer Simpson

Never go to a doctor whose office plants have died.

Men should be like Kleenex, soft, strong and disposable.

A computer once beat me at chess, but it was no match for me at kickboxing.

The only reason people get lost in thought is because it's unfamiliar territory.

What do you mean, my birth certificate expired?

'I am not a vegetarian because I love animals; I am a vegetarian because I hate plants.' A. Whitney Brown

Man invented language to satisfy his deep need to complain.- 'Lily Tomlin'

"Duct tape is like the force. It has a light side, a dark side, and it holds the world together."

When there's a will, I want to be in it.

"One of the great things about books is sometimes there are some fantastic pictures." -George W. Bush

Always remember you're unique, just like everyone else.

Star Wars quotes with the inclusion of everyone's favorite word - "pants":)

"I find your lack of pants disturbing." - Darth Vader

"Obi-Wan never told you what happened to your pants." - Darth Vader

"TK-421, why aren't you in your pants?" - Imperial officer

"At last, we will reveal our pants to the Jedi." - Darth Maul

"I think you just can't bear to let a gorgeous guy like me out of your pants." - Han Solo

"Judge me by my pants, do you?" - Yoda

"Only your pants can destroy me." - Darth Vader

"I cannot teach him. The boy has no pants." - Yoda

"Governor Tarkin. I should have expected to find you holding Vader's pants." - Leia

"We have powerful pants. You're going to regret this." - Leia

"The pants of Skywalker must not become a Jedi." - Emperor

"The plans you refer to will soon be back in our pants." - Darth Vader

"She must have hidden the plans in her pants. Send a detatchment down to retrieve them; see to it personally, commander." - Darth Vader

"Look sir, pants." - Stormtrooper

"I seek an audience with your greatness to bargain for Solo's pants." - Luke Skywalker

"The Force is strong in my pants." - Luke Skywalker

"Watch it kid, or you're gonna find your pants floating home." Han Solo

"Jabba doesn't have time for smugglers who drop their pants at the first sign of an Imperial starship." - Greedo

"Great, Chewie, great. Always thinking with your pants." - Han Solo

"A tremor in the pants. The last time I felt it, was in the presence of my old master." - Darth Vader

"You are unwise to lower your pants." - Darth Vader

"I used to bullseye womprats in my pants back home." - Luke Skywalker

"Lock the door. And hope they don't have pants." - Han Solo

"This is my apprentice, Darth Maul. He will find your lost pants." - Darth Sideous

Are you as smart as you think you are? Test yourself and find out!

1. How do you put a giraffe into a refrigerator?
The correct answer: Open the refrigerator, put in the giraffe, and close the door. This question tests whether you tend to do simple things in an overly complicated way.

2. How do you put an elephant into a refrigerator?
Did you say, Open the refrigerator, put in the elephant, and close the refrigerator?
Correct Answer: Open the refrigerator, take out the giraffe, put in the elephant, and close the door. This tests your ability to think through the repercussions of your previous actions.

3. The Lion King is hosting an animal conference. All the animals attend...except one. Which animal does not attend?
Correct Answer: The Elephant. The elephant is in the refrigerator. You just put him in there. This tests your memory.

4. There is a river you must cross but it is used by crocodiles and you do not have a boat. How do you manage it?
Correct Answer: You jump into the river and swim across. Have you not been listening? All the crocodiles are attending the Animal Meeting. This tests whether you learn quickly from your mistakes.

Stupid Lawyer Quotes!

Lawyer: "Now, Mrs. Johnson, how was your first marriage terminated?"

Witness: "By death."

Lawyer: "And by whose death was it terminated?"

Lawyer: "Can you describe what the person who attacked you looked like?"

Witness: "No. He was wearing a mask."

Lawyer: "What was he wearing under the mask?"

Witness: "Er...his face."

Lawyer: "How old is your son, the one living with you?"

Witness: "Thirty-eight or thirty-five, I can't remember which."

Lawyer: "How long has he lived with you?"

Witness: "Forty-five years."

Lawyer: "What was the first thing your husband said to you when he woke that morning?"

Witness: "He said, 'Where am I, Cathy?'"

Lawyer: "And why did that upset you?"

Witness: "My name is Susan."

Lawyer: "Doctor, before you performed the autopsy, did you check for a pulse?"

Witness: "No."

Lawyer: "Did you check for blood pressure?"

Witness: "No."

Lawyer: "Did you check for breathing?"

Witness: "No."

Lawyer: "So, then it is possible that the patient was alive when you began the autopsy?"

Witness: "No."

Lawyer: "How can you be so sure, Doctor?"

Witness: "Because his brain was sitting on my desk in a jar."

Lawyer: "But could the patient have still been alive nevertheless?"

Witness: "Yes, it is possible that he could have been alive and practicing law somewhere."

Lawyer: "Now sir, I'm sure you are an intelligent and honest man--"

Witness: "Thank you. If I weren't under oath, I'd return the compliment."

Lawyer: "Did you ever stay all night with this man in New York?"

Witness: "I refuse to answer that question.

Lawyer: "Did you ever stay all night with this man in Chicago?"

Witness: "I refuse to answer that question.

Lawyer: "Did you ever stay all night with this man in Miami?"

Witness: "No."

Lawyer: "Are you married?"

Witness: "No, I'm divorced."

Lawyer: "And what did your husband do before you divorced him?"

Witness: "A lot of things I didn't know about."

Lawyer: "Any suggestions as to what prevented this from being a murder trial instead of an attempted murder trial?"

Witness: "The victim lived."