What are you doing here when you should be reading NaruHina fanfics?

(Scroll all the way down to the bottom - press End - for links to resources that I use for references when writing Naruto stuff)

I'm serious! I have nothing to say to you, and you have nothing to learn from me!!

...Still here? Okay, fine.

Height: Between 5' & 6'

Weight: Between 110 & 120 (lb)

Personality: Clean but occasionally messy, good but occasionally evil.

Alignment: Unifying - I use the light and dark sides as I please, and "as I please" just happens to be good stuff.

Age: I don't care. If you do, keep reading.

Aliases: RC1162, Onihikage (on dA & NF)

Current (unreleased) story stats: 53,000+ words, 10 completed chapters.

Education: Senior, High School. I don't ever really study for anything, never have. I do as well as I want to, but I've run out of computer classes and I haven't the money for online courses, so I'm stuck with the standard stuff now - calculus, forensics, etc. Criminal Justice was the easiest class ever, despite what the other students say (they just don't pay attention). Human Anatomy and Physiology was also an easy class, and the teacher's parents are younger than mine - how's that for odd? English 3 was surprisingly easier than I thought it would be, despite the process the teacher put me through. Write. Everything. Assignments and Projects. Everything was writing. It's the same in English IV, but at least this teacher is more lenient on the upper page limit of essays.

My description: NaruHina fan, Anime fan, grammar fan, darkness fan, Star Wars fan, evil hater, emotion-controller (like Shino, but rage can be useful), Japanese learning (natively English, and I finally got RosettaStone! throws fiesta) sin hater, sinner lover, Holy Trinity believer (one God is 3, and no one is supposed to understand how that's possible), justice lover, injustice hater, admirer of natural beauty (I saw a spider make a huge web once), and I enjoy everything that's happy, clean, and pure in this world. Not to mention fluff...I can never have enough! (of NaruHina fluff) As long as it's not emo fluff, or fluff of a pairing I hate (especially NejiHina...they're half-siblings, that's disgusting!)

I control my emotions more than most other human beings, letting others initiate friendships and the like. My network (read: overheard conversations) indicates that I'm probably extremely popular among a few people, but no one shows it because I have a reputation of brushing off any displays of affection. If I'm just not popular, even better - I don't want people putting on a mask just to be around me.

I'm 17 years old (Resistance2 FTW!!), I am a born again Christian (I'll explain in detail later), I've never cursed at anyone (though I've come close, and who hasn't?) and I've never had so much as a girlfriend. Some people say I need a life, and maybe I do - but I'll wait until I'm out of college. Until then, I'm going to enjoy having friends who don't care what I do, as long as I love them and don't betray them like some people have.

Things I will never do willingly:

1) Abandon my friends and/or never forgive them for something

2) Drink any kind of alcoholic beverage - probably not even wine

3) Smoke anything that requires inhaling

4) Snort, Inject, or otherwise abuse crack Cocaine, Marijuana, Methamphetamine, opiates, or any other addictive drug that induces a euphoria-like state

5) Commit suicide (throwing myself in the path of a bullet to save someone doesn't count)

6) Commit murder (explanation below)

7) Abandon Jesus Christ, my lord and savior

I'm lucky that I'll never be seen on a real-world battlefield, and it's probably just as well. I'm conversationally deaf in one ear (meaning I can't carry on a conversation with just my right ear), and I can't hear low sounds (read: gunshots) to save my life. At the very least, when I do hear them, I can't tell what direction they're coming from; heck, what direction any sound is coming from is just about impossible for me to tell by hearing alone. I thank the lord for giving me ear infections at a young age; now I may never have to worry about being forced into a situation where I have to kill someone. If it comes down to it, though, I'm not afraid of dying - I know where I'm going when the pain stops.

When I say that I will never willingly commit murder, I'm saying that if it's a him-or-me situation I will pull the trigger. I am human, after all, and human nature is the need for survival. For number 5, it's been proven on Mythbusters that throwing yourself onto a grenade will save your buddies because you take all the shrapnel yourself.

I can use one word to describe my faith in the Almighty everlasting Father, the mighty God, the Prince of peace, the wonderful, counseling, Jesus Christ our lord, and it is this: Unshakeable. I believe that God made everything (actually quite different from the way it is today) about 6000 years ago. I believe everything the KJV Bible says, including every word of Psalm 101: I will be careful to lead a blameless life (I won't commit crimes), I will set no wicked thing before my eyes (I won't look at things I shouldn't - there's the bible verse against porn), and I will not remain in the presence of evildoers (I won't hang around people whose lives are full of sin). I believe that the Bible tells us that the only way to know that you're going to heaven when you die is to accept and believe that Jesus died on the cross, bearing the punishment for our transgressions that WE deserve, so that we can come to heaven with a pure heart and spend the rest of eternity with God. God had to use his son, who was pure, to act as a substitute for us. In other words, I can't take the punishment for anyone else's sins because I have a bunch of my own. The punishment (death) would just be that for my own sins. I don't believe one can get to heaven by just doing more good than bad, because it's doing the same thing as this: You stand before a judge, being tried for killing a man. Your defense is, "Yes, your honor, I killed that man, but look at all the people I helped!" You'll still be convicted for the murder, regardless of how many good things you have done.

My thoughts on the Holy Trinity are this: for any middle-eastern religions that think we believe in more than one God, you're wrong...sort of. According to the Bible, there is one God, but three persons. The Father, the Son, and the Holy Spirit are these persons, and they are one true Holy God but also three...for lack of a better explanation. God did well in trying to explain it to us, because he's attempting the equivalent of a three dimensional human being trying to explain his three dimensions to a two dimensional being. It couldn't happen here, and we're never going to even remotely understand it, but the Bible says it, so we still have to believe it.

I'm similar to many characters from Naruto; I'm annoying like Naruto; calculating like Shino (and I seem to know things I shouldn't); lazy and intelligent like Shikamaru (not completely like him, though; merely brighter and lazier than most); generally emotionless like Shino or Sasuke; and physically "weak'n'puny" like pre-timeskip Sakura (no offense to her fans, but before her training with Tsunade, she just sucked). Oh, and I seem to have a fanbase I don't want, another similarity to Sasuke. I can also function adequately without sleep for extended periods, like pre-resurrection Gaara (don't know if he still could go without sleep after). I find a lot of people annoying, just like Sasuke.

Well, I suppose the difference from all of them is I have a razor sharp selective memory and can sometimes choose to forget things if I want. Any tragedy, however, remains permanently etched in my mind as if I'd quite literally lived the whole thing just an hour before. That's another unique quality in me; I don't "read" a story, I live it. I experience the emotional roller coasters, feel the physical pain of intense training or combat, and bask in contentment under the sun as the characters of the story are doing. It's extremely difficult for me to distance myself emotionally from a well written story of any kind. It is for these very reasons that I despise NaruHina tragedies, in fact any tragedy more than anything but sin, because they are the very opposite of what NaruHina would become (or a simple happy ending). I suppose they're fine for people who like to cry, but I find them distasteful. The "good guys" should always have a happy ending because we will have a happy ending in real life too! PERIOD!!

When I read my first (and only) NH Romance/Tragedy, I was speechless. The story was expertly written, but that only made it worse - it was as if I actually was living it & couldn't just turn it off (I didn't leave the computer for hours). When I'd finished the story, I had the good fortune to forget its name after just a few minutes. That is because I spent several more hours in the woods behind my house with nothing but (I believe) unbridled rage and a wooden staff I found in the place, which ended up broken in two; half stabbed through a (dead) tree, the other smashed to pieces. I don't remember much after leaving my house, but apparently I completely demolished a spot in the woods (and similarly, my weapon). I have no idea how I did that, because I know what my own puny strength and crappy endurance is capable of. Even today I still get angry when I think about tragedies; I'll instantly be in a bad mood if you mention "Romeo and Juliet" or "Tragic ending!". It appears clear to me that it would be in my best interests to never again lose myself to rage. Man, I sound way too much like Shino.

My reviews can get long if I'm in the right mood, probably longer than the ones anyone else will ever write. I seem to do that a lot, writing I mean. My talent (indeed some might say need) for writing may be obvious to some, but ever since I discovered (secretly, of course) that one of my best friends spends time locked in his room writing, sometimes dirty, fantasy/sci-fi genre stories (I've seen a few) probably at the same time that my other best friend is looking up bikini-clad anime chicks or watching them "bounce" around on his 360 (hey, his words, not mine!), I've been discouraged from writing, out of the disgust that I may unwittingly become like them: hormone-driven women-obsessed typical teenage guys. I can't allow that, since even my name means "Godly". Needless to say, though, I am a guy, and testosterone does come with the package. To make up for it when I get home, I just bang my head on a tree if I do something not driven by logic. (Inner perv: "Yeah, I liked lookin' at that! You oughtta do that more often!" :anvil falls: "Ah, crap!" :big crater: ) Sorry about that, I make him run laps inside my skull when he's not in his sealed cage, but sometimes he slips past the guards... "Hey, aren't you sentinels supposed to be handling this kind of thing?" "What? OH!"

Moving on. What really irks me is fangirls I am perfectly content with sitting at a lunch table by myself with my own thoughts, and I don't need some random loudmouth coming over and blurting out an obvious lie which they somehow believe will get me to say something nice ("HEY! I HAVE THAT BOOK!!" "Right, you must keep it somewhere behind your makeup. Go away."), so they can strike up a conversation. I'm far more likely to befriend the ones that aren't trying to get my attention somehow, since that shows that they are either not the fangirl type, are already with someone else, or don't find a "handsome" loner attractive. So far, the best line I have to get them to just STFU is from Naruto. Sakura asks Sasuke why he's always brushing her off; he replies, "Because, you're annoying!"

I'm actually writing a fanfic now, though it's only because I've had the story bouncing around in my head for a month. I'll be writing the whole thing first, fine tuning the chapters, then submitting those chapters weekly because I'm evil that way. (Update: If I feel I've written enough chapters by then, I'll start on New Year's Day, @ midnight, provided I remember to) After three days of writing, I reached 16000-something words. The writing's gone slowly after that, mostly because between school, homework, yard work, my PS3, Dragonfable, Adventure Quest, and working out at the Y, I haven't had much time on my hands. (Recent stat: 32896 words total, 13 chapters) I will welcome flames that have no point except to flame - I could use a good laugh, either at someone's blatant stupidity and ignorance, or the points in my story which really do need work but I'm too lazy to fix. Oh, and at my inner personalities -

Inner Perv: "Shut up! They're not supposed to know about me! And let me outta these chains, my precious wants women!!" (yank) "Aaaahhh! The pain!!"
Inner Evil: "Mwah ha ha ha ha haa!"
Inner Emo: "What's so funny? It's just a hormone driven MPD entity like the rest of us...wait...I wish I was real! (cries)
Inner Sanity: "Okay, that's great. I'm going to go sit over here now...by myself...away from this madness..."
Inner 300: "Madness? THIS IS SPARTAAAAAAAAAAA!!"
Inner Junkie: "Knock it off, man, you're interruptin' my euphoria session..."

Pretty much anyone can email me for whatever reason, because I have all the time I need or desire at my disposal. More than I want, in fact, which is exactly the point of Summer. Ahh...Summer. Awkward moments, annoying friends, and driving everywhere. Now I can kill time without even trying - pure bliss. I am a beta for Kazukagi and Quackpotty, but it's slow going (don't receive much) so I'm also looking for anyone else who wants a Beta that can Plug'n'Chug the edited fics like hotcakes. That is, in less than a day's time, once I actually get it - my email can be a bit iffy sometimes. My hatred for tragedies takes priority, however, so if you're going to write a tragedy, you can forget about my doing anything with it. Even if I start out being a beta for a story, if it turns tragic then I will quit!

Oh, and before you ask me: Yes, I am a completely insane evil genius with a dislike of bright lights. I spend as much time as possible in my living room with all the lights out and the blinds closed, banging away at my computer keyboard and mouse, blowing the crap out of everything that moves on any number of video games. Okay, maybe that's a bit of an exaggeration. (Inner common sense: "A bit?!) Anyway...if I'm not blowing stuff up I'm probably reading Naruto fanfics/manga, or writing my story. Speaking of which, Halelujah Naruto's dad was the Yondaime Hokage!! His name was Namikaze Minato!! And his wife was Uzumaki Kushina!! (See Resources)

Me: Somebody told me recently I'm emo!

Inner Sanity: "No, Emo is that guy over there..."

Inner Evil: "Are you sure? I could always find a way to get him - "

Inner Sanity: "NO!!"

Favorite quotes:

"Does thinking you're the last sane man on the face of this earth make you crazy? 'Cause if it does, maybe I am." (The story of my life XD)

Spiderman: "Am I dead? Why does heaven smell like a wet dog?" sees wolverine "Oh, wait...nevermind."

Kimimaro’s eyes took in the curves of the figure halted a few feet in front of him—highlighted by the moonlight.

It was Tayuya. And she was still naked.

The white-haired Sound shinobi stared at her legs, before letting his eyes linger at her breasts, and then gazing into her aggressive eyes.

Kimimaro paused.

“I’m afraid I’ll have to bone you.” He finally said.

“…” Tayuya blinked then replied slyly, “Really?”

“Oh,” Kimimaro said, pulling out one of his bones into a sharp spear, “I think you misunderstand me…I’m going to kill you.”

She frowned. “Well, sht.”

Random guy: "With great power comes great responsibility!"

Random chick: "You stole that from Spiderman."

Forty: "There's the dropship!"

Scorch: "Are you sure? Maybe there's another one around the corner..."

"...and believe me man, I know women, I married a women and I know what's going on! I know she must have been saying, "Ohhhh, you come here..." and then she ran out of things for him to go around eatin'. So she...couldn't figure out what she would have for him to eat. So then she pulled the apple off, knowing that she was out of line. Bit it. (crunch) Then really, she was uptight. Then Adam comes running over, she says, "Here, bite this apple." He says, "Yeah!" (crunch)

Next thing you know, there's the Lord, "Okay, (whistles) ev'rybody, outta the pool! Go on! Get out!"

"Naruto, if you were to fight Sasuke or Sakura, who would you choose?" Naruto shuddered. "S-Sasuke..." "Why is that?" "Sakura-chan hits really, really hard when she fights me!"

Me: XD @ teh werld "You are all fools! Bask in my uniqueness!"

My brother: "But...you're just insane, how is that - "

Me (Inner T): "SHUT-YO'-MOUTH, FOO'!"

Okay, let me make a clarification on my first story. Sure it was 87 pages long, but I finally decided it just wasn't panning out. (lolz) Kinda like painting yourself into a corner, but by writing (megalolz). I realized my AU Character was too weak and too powerful at the same time (darn that improbability drive!), and a good story needs consistency. I now realize that was my draft, a way of refining this character to be the perfect thing to have in my fiction. So, tada! I've started a new one, titled "Sanjuu Kyoujaku" meaning "Triple Power" when directly translated. The story of my character starts similar to that of Sasuke, with his entire clan annihilated and a personal vow to become strong enough to kill the one who did. The difference will be in his journey, the perpetrator (obviously) and his outlook on life, as well as his abilities. He will have a kekkei genkai that (I think) is completely original - it's partly doujutsu, but I based his chakra affinities to be for earth and wind, and gave him a few special abilities that depended on things out of his control, namely the time of his birth in the generations of his clan (which, incidentally, is the cause of the slaughter).

Updated Story stats (for the 2nd):

Title: Sanjuu Kyoujaku

Words: 42,000+

Complete Chapters: 9

Eiketsu Yoshimi's Eyes (stages of doujutsu and normal):

Normal
Stage 1
Stage 2

Stage 3 - more of a gradual thing - the closer to stage three he gets, the thicker the white parts get, until the eyes are completely white. If at any stage he harnesses his hidden power (not saying what it is...yet) then any white part of his eyes becomes a fiery orange, and his skin tone changes.

Pairings: NaruHina, NejiTen, SasuSaku (because once Itachi's dead and Madara's out of Sasuke's way, she's the ONLY one he'd go for) ShikaShiho (because a couple that smart has to be a good idea), Chouji x Someone Nice (Maybe Ino, if she learns to be nice), and maybe Kakashi x Anko (because it might be funny). The original pairings from the manga won't change (Minato x Kushina, Asuma x Kurenai, etc.) The list is placed in order of importance from "Absolutely will not change" to "I don't really care who's with who". Unless someone gives me a darn good reason, they probably won't change anyway. Now, I believe Gaara won't ever be looking for a girl to get with unless he ends up friends with one. After that it would just sort of happen. Update: Matsuri it shall be!

Now, for the last time, go read some NaruHina!

My Resources:

http://www.veoh.com/ (I download the episodes here 'cause they've got good bandwidth)

OneManga (the manga)

NarutoHQ, Naruto Central, LeafNinja (I use these for jutsu research, manga discussions, etc.)

Jeffrey's Japanese -> English Dictionary Server (translations)