my name is Shinu ▼ ( just a nickname)
..I'm 15
Complete Favs:
Book: Twilight, Twilight, Twilight, New Moon New Moon, New Moon, Eclipse, Eclipse, Eclipse, Harry potter, Eragon, Death Note, Sweep, Lurlene McDaniels,
Book Character: EDWARD!!
Author: Stephenie Meyer
TV Show: House md.
Movie: Lion King
Song: Thunder by Boys like Girls
Artist: Michelle Branch
Sport: I hate sports
Sport's Team: Still hating sports
Food: Candy
Color: Pink
Animal: Penguins
Other: I love my friends sooo much and i love my sisters.
Complete Non-Favs:
Book: Oedipus, Raisin in the Sun, Black Boy
Book Character: Jane from Twilight
Author: i don't dislike authors
TV Show: any type of educational television
Movie: The Old Man and the Sea...ew
Song: Bleeding Love
Artist: The Veronicas
Sport: everyone
Sport's Team: everyone
Food: Medicine
Color: Green
Animal: Bugs
Other: nothing
if anyone has a story that they want me to read, please do not be shy. i will read it. and i do recommend storys to people. i only have one condition, they have to be complete. just PM me. :)
When i found out Robert Pattinson was playing Edward Cullen I literally ran into a wall, he is just perfect. i do not care what anyone says.
...believe it or not but i look exactly how Stephenie describes Bella!
i'm in love with the twilight series by Stephenie Meyer.
i also like other books like Harry potter, Eragon, Death Note, Sweep, Lurlene McDaniels
i love reading and writing fan fics..i spend my free time in school writing them
in fan fics i hate it when Edward and Bella is OOC..i can deal with anyone else!
I also like Japanese music..like An Cafe. (ask me for full list of j-rock) music is actually a big part of my life.. I literally like everything, but just to name a few: My Chemical Romance, Goo Goo Dolls, Life House, Hannah Montanna/ miley cyrus, Ashley Tisdale, Wicked, Rent, Hairspray, Jonas Brothers, Pink, Vanessa Carlton, Michelle Branch, Daughtry, Fallout Boy, Boys Like Girls, Avril Lavigne, Taylor Swift, Kelly Clarkson, Enrique Iglesias, The Fray, Aerosmith, Second Hand Seranadde, All Time Low, Breaking Benjamin, Evanescence, Natasha Bedingfield, Panic! At the Disco, Paramore, The Red Jumpsuit Apparatus many many more..
For tv shows I like House Md and Gilmore girls and basically the whole Disney channel! Kyle XY also, love it! Family Guy! The Secret Life of the American Teenager, MADE, Punk'd!
...First i would like to thank my friend Sakura for introducing me to Twilight..
second i just want to point out how happy i am that Edward Cullen prefers brunettes
i love Twilight..and vampires.
i want to be Bella so i can have Edward and become a vampire i dont want anything more right now..
without twilight my life would be a dark hole of despair!
twilight is my drug and my anti-drug.
here is my vf : http://vampirefreaks.com/blackstar123 That's me!
Story Stuff
truth or dare with vampires-
Edward's hotdog suit - http://photobucket.com/image/hot20dog20suit/xlaurenx_album/hotdogsuit.jpg?o=1
Mike's outfit- pants- http://www.blackwagon.com/Merchant2/graphics/00000001/AP023VB-appaman-pants-s
sweater- http://www.bluexclothing.co.uk/acatalog/yaj7z6w35tr12_a.jpg
shoe's- http://outerwear.sppi.ru/p/59/images/circa-cx205-mens-skateboard-shoes-black-gum.jpg
car- http://www.flickr.com/photos/wolfie/2406429759/
The Broken CDs-
Jukebox hits of the 50’shttp://www.cduniverse.com/images.asp?pid=3069435&style=musicℑ=front
Agian-
Edward's cave- http://www.flickr.com/photos/billadams/279685000/
Beep-
Bella's outfit-
shirt- http://www.aeropostale.com/product/index.jsp?productId=2970545&cp=2284058.2038749&clickid=cat_leftnav_txt&parentPage=family
pants- http://www.gap.com/Asset_Archive/GPWeb/Assets/Product/379/379797/main/gp379797-00p01v01.jpg
shoes- http://www.designerexposure.com/images/products/23344_1_large.jpg
bracelet- http://www.diamondharmony.com/images/products/br7754y.jpg
my plans for the future
1) turn 18 and graduate high school.
2) find a vampire (preferably edward cullen) and ask s/he to bite me
3) marry edward cullen
4) turn amish with husband and adopt a bunch of amish vampires!
i hate the pairings:
jasperxbella- why the hell do people pair these up?
jacobxbella-i just hate it so much, i have nothing against jacob, i actually like him. but just not w/ bella
edwardxjacob-i have nothing against gay people but edward belongs to me or bella!
Mikexedward- one word...WTF?
JUST SOME STUFF
Edward Cullen: Sexier Than You Since 1901
Emmett Cullen: Stronger Than You Since 1916
Rosalie Cullen: Better Than You Since 1916
Alice Cullen: Quikier Than You Since 1901
Jasper Hale: Charming Ladies Since 1843
Bella Swan: Danger Magnet since 1987
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TEAM ROSALIE: because deep down we all think she's awesome.
TEAM JASPER: because he can snap at me anytime.
TEAM ESME: because she's the coolest mother ever.
TEAM EMMETT: because we all love a guy with muscles.
TEAM EDWARD: because we wish all guys were this perfect.
TEAM CARLISLE: because all doctors should be this hot.
TEAM BELLA: because she's Edward's girl.
TEAM ALICE: because seeing things before they happen rocks.
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This is Bunny. Copy and paste Bunny to help him gain world domination! Join the dark side...WE HAVE COOKIES!!
Yay Bunny!! ( \/ )
Yay Bunny!! (='.'=)
Yay Bunny!!
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EMO=Extravagantly Made Origami
BEARS=Butt Extremely Annoying Retard Scientists
AACIBD is Addicted to All Cullen’s Including Bella Disorder
AV is Addicted to Vampires
ADHD is Automatic Death by Hyperness Disorder
SEAMCJWH is Stalker of Edward Anthony Masen Cullen and Jasper Whitlock Hale
ADD is Automatic Death Disorder
WBWAVS is Wishing Bella Was A Vampire Syndrome
LES is Love Edward Syndrome
WIWAVS is Wishing I Was A Vampire Syndrome
MECBIAV-Make Edward Change Bella Into A Vampire Club
BIT is Bella In Training
SEAMCJWHEMC is Stalker of Edward Anthony Masen Cullen, Jasper Whitlock Hale, and Emmett McCarty Cullen
RAP is Retards Attempting Poetry
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ROBERT PATTINSON IS GOING TO PLAY EDWARD!!
KIRSTEN STEWERT IS GOING TO PLAY BELLA!!
Ashley Greene is going to play ALICE!!
Jackson Rathbone is going to play JASPER!!
Elizabeth Reaser is going to play ESME!!
Peter Facinelli is going to play CARLISLE!!
Kellan Lutz is going to play EMMETT!!
Nikki Reed is going to play ROSALIE!!
Solomon Trimble is going to play SAM!!
Taylor Lautner is going to play JACOB!!
Rachelle Lefevre is going to play VICTORIA!!
Cam Cigandet is going to play JAMES!!
Edi Gathegi is going to be LAURENT!!
Sarah Clarke is going to be RENEE!!
Billy Burke is going to be CHARLIE!!
Michael Welch is going to play MIKE!!
Justin Chon is going to play ERIC!!
Anna Kendrick is going to play JESSICA!!
Christian Serratos is going to play ANGELA!!
http://www.imdb.com/title/tt1099212/ - twilight, check it out. i do!!
http://www.stepheniemeyer.com/ -stephenie's home page
http://photos.latimes.com/backlot/gallery/twilight - PICTURES!!
http://www.mtv.com/overdrive/?id=1585325&vid=224215 - video
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OMC-Because we all know that Edward Cullen is an angel, and you know that God makes angels, and since Carlisle made Edward, he should be considered a god (OMICARLISLE)
OME-Edward himself is a god. Enough said. (OMIEDWARD)
And God(CARLISLE) said "Let there be Edward," ... and it was good.
Every one of us woke up, saw Carlisle, and thought he was God
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If you are Harry Potter obsessed, copy this into your profile and add your name: Ga Nat Nat, Evil Older Sister, Frozenfan, The Choco-Holic, Jade Snape-Holloway, psychotic me, LLAMAS WILL RULE THE WORLD, Ninja C, butterfinger45, vampirechick123
Come join the dark side. (We have cookies.) Add your name to the list if you have joined the dark side purely for cookies. Ninja C, butterfinger45, vampirechick123
Ninety-five percent of the kids out there are concerned with being popular and fitting in. If you are in the five percent who aren't, copy this, put it in your profile, and add your name to the list. AnimeKittyCafe, Hyperactivley Bored, Gem W, Bara-Minamino, Yavie Aelinel, Crazy Billie Joe Loving Freak, Shadow929,SweetNCrazieSugarmuffin,The Komodo Dragon Phoenix,Bust_A_Groover, Tecna, Triggonseed, The Only Innocent Writer Here-Yumi, EstellaB, NarnianMelody, Just A Little Bit Dramatic, Vampiress19, I'veComeToTakeYourCheese,Vampire Scooby, Alannaswarrior, Bookworm-Booklover, Jasper's Fangirl, vampirechick123
If you've been on the computer for hours on end, reading numerous fanfictions, copy this onto your profile, and add your name to this list: danyan, Zutara Lover, Black'n'red'Butterfly, Enrica, I'veComeToTakeYourCheese, Vampire Scooby, Alannaswarrior, Bookworm-Booklover, Jasper's Fangirl, vampirechick123
93 percent of American teens would have a severe emotional breakdown if someone called them a freak. If you're a part of the 7 percent who would ask the person, "What was your first clue?", copy this into your profile and add your name to the list: Sunlit Goddess of the C.O.C.A., Moonlit Goddess of the C.O.C.A., Evil Genius of the COCA, Invader Miley Phantom, dAnnYsGiRl777, BloodySalvation, Lady Lost-A-Lot, bellabookworm9, Bella Masen Cullen, Vampire Scooby, Alannaswarrior, Bookworm-Booklover, Jasper's Fangirl, vampirechick123
If you have ever had a crush on a fictional character, copy and paste this on your profile and add your penname and the name(s) of the characters you have crushed on: HollyluvsArty (James Potter, Sirius Black (when he was young), Artemis Fowl) comix-freak (Artemis Fowl (and Arty is my one and only!))scarilyobsessed(Fang, from maximum ride),TwilightNatalia(I had a crush on Ed from Fullmetal Alchemist for like 3 days then I got over it, if that counts), vampirechick123 (Edwrad cullen...even though he is real)
If you would (but you're not allowed too), live in a bookstore so that you would be the first person to get all the new Twilight books, copy and paste this into your profile and add your name to the list. Leafpool's Loyalty, Skyeheart and Silverwing, Firehawk101, Rainfire, Flamestar211, Firestar's Gal, Poppyleaf, vampirechick123
Boys say that in everything they do, they can kick a girl's butt so bad that they cry. If you're a girl who kicks the boys' butts so bad they cry like girls, copy this into your profile and add your name. Moonstar of FireClan, Flamestar211, Firestar's Gal, Poppyleaf, vampirechick123,
If you've ever done homework, were reading a story on fanfiction, were writing a story for fanfiction, were talking to a friend, and were watching TV at the same time, copy and paste this into your profile and add your name to the list, Sapphirepaw, Liontide, Arrowwing, Poppyleaf, vampirechick123
If you love FANFICTION.NET, add your name and copy and paste this into your profile. Rainstorm007, Mysterious Miracle, Frostpaw, Crazy Rayne, Alicegirl, Zandylion, Nightmare and Dream, vampirechick123
If you are against Animal Abuse add your name to the list and add it to your profile or site. RogueWarrior869,BlackWolfHowling, Bubble Blower, roughdiamond5, Green.Winged.Mistress, Bellaness, -Aikio-Hatate-, ForeverIndebted, Vampirechick123
AXEL IS NOT GAY! HE IS AN EXTREMELY LOYAL FRIEND! If you agree with this statement, copy and paste this into your profile and add your name to the list (optional): Neassa, FireWaterLightDark7890, Kurenai-yuuhi-rox, Rikulover43, Ocean's Nocturne of the COCA, vampirechick123,
15 percent of every high school population is considered "Popular". 20 percent is desperate to become a part of the popular 15 percent. 20 percent couldn't care less. 15 percent realize that popularity doesn't matter. 10 are too busy worrying about their grades to care. 5 percent are goths, 5 percent can speak another language fluently, and 5 percent are too stupid to realize that no one likes them. If you are a part of the 5 percent who think the 'unpopular' 85 percent should rebel against the popular 15 percent, copy this into your profile and add your name to the list: Sunlit Goddess of the C.O.C.A., Moonlit Goddess of the C.O.C.A., Ocean's Nocturne of the COCA, vampirechick123
If you have ever fallen up a flight of stairs, copy this, put it in your profile, and add your name to the list. AnimeKittyCafe, (actually I have) Hyperactivley Bored, Gem W, Bara-Minamino, Tsuyu Mikazuki (I do all the time!), WeaselChick, Celyna ( I fall up the steps to school every time I go up them... sadly...), SSAHC, Koki-chan (Everyday, I think my stairs are cursed), Majickal (over at my mom's friend's house...which was very embarrassing because I almost broke my nose), Neassa (let's not get into it...) Darkecogir (I done it a couple a times)Tora-kun126(sideways, backwards, forwards, up, down, over, and underneath. I've done it all) DiRtY BuBbLe (more than I fall down them, and, also, I cannot figure out how to walk in a straight line ...any ideas?) HollyluvsArty, Super Reader (unfortunatly yes. All the time.)scarily obsessed(i burst a blood vessel in my ankle!owww!),TwilightNatalia(I've fallen up them, down them, around them...you name the direction and I'm sure I've managed it at least once!) vampirechick321,
I,vampirechick123, do solemnly swear to review all the fics I enjoy, regardless of the number of reviews, its age, or anything else. I have joined the Reiview Revolution. Post this same thing in your profile and spread the love!If you believe in love, post this in your profile and add your name: Californiagirl1426, vampirechick123
Cervical cancer is actually caused by a virius know as Human Papalonia Virus (HPV). Millions of women around the world already have this virus. Tell someone about this. Post this in your profile, spread your knowledge. Add your name: Californiagirl1426, vampirechick123
If you have ever met someone out to destory your life for no reason, copy this into your profile and his/her name to the list (and include any insult u want in parenthesis): Andrew, Melis, Raphael, Mia, Marissa, and those are the mains. Bitch
If you have an obsession with any bishounen of any manga/anime, copy this into your profile and add your name:heartofblades, RuneWitchSakura, Twin Kats (girls only), vampirechick123
If you are Harry Potter obsessed, copy this into you profile and add your name: Ga Nat Nat, RuneWitchSakura, Twin Kats, vampirechick123
For me, crazy is a loose term. Crazy is when you stare at a pencil and laugh when someone asks you what you are doing that is so interesting about the eraser. Crazy is when you have an hour-long sob fest, and then start singing and dancing when your favorite song comes on. Crazy is when you do or say a completely random thing, like "Do you ever wonder where the eraser bits go?" or having a thumbwar with yourself. Crazy is when you type up all your favorite sayings, print them off and tape them to your wall, just for something to do. Crazy is when you memorize the complete biographies and physical traits of every character in Twilight (or almost, at least). Crazy is when you write Emmett or Edward Cullen is hot on your homework insted of doing it. Crazy is when you laugh about how you laugh. Crazy is when you dump you're boyfriend because he is not as cute as Edward Cullen. If you're crazy, copy this onto your profile and add something crazy you've done to the list!
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Controversial Issues:
1) Being gay is not natural. Real Americans always reject unnatural things like eyeglasses, polyester, liposuction and air conditioning.
2) Gay marriage will encourage people to be gay, in the same way that hanging around tall people will make you tall.
3) Legalizing gay marriage will open the door to all kinds of crazy behavior. People may even wish to marry their pets because a dog has legal standing and can sign a marriage contract.
4) Straight marriage has been around a long time and hasn't changed at all; women are still property, blacks still can't marry whites, and divorce is still illegal.
5) Straight marriage will be less meaningful if gay marriage were allowed; the sanctity of Britney Spears' 55-hour just-for-fun marriage would be destroyed.
6) Straight marriages are valid because they produce children. Gay couples, infertile couples, and old people shouldn't be allowed to marry because our orphanages aren't full yet, and the world needs more children.
7) Obviously gay parents will raise gay children, since straight parents only raise straight children.
8) Gay marriage is not supported by religion. In a theocracy like ours, the values of one religion are imposed on the entire country. That's why we have only one religion in America.
9) Children can never succeed without a male and a female role model at home. That's why we as a society expressly forbid single parents to raise children.
10) Gay marriage will change the foundation of society; we could never adapt to new social norms. Just like we haven't adapted to cars, the service-sector economy, or longer life spans... Re-post this if you believe in legalizing gay marriage
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HOMOPHOBIA IS GAY
I am the boy who never finished high school, because I got called a fag everyday
I am the girl kicked out of her home because I confided in my mother that I am a lesbian.
I am the prostitute working the streets because nobody will hire a transsexual woman.
I am the sister who holds her gay brother tight through the painful, tear-filled nights.
We are the parents who buried our daughter long before her time.
I am the man who died alone in the hospital because they would not let my partner of twenty-seven years into the room.
I am the foster child who wakes up with nightmares of being taken away from the two fathers who are the only loving family I have ever had.
I wish they could adopt me.
I am not one of the lucky ones.
I killed myself just weeks before graduating high school.
It was simply too much to bear.
We are the couple who had the Realtor hang up on us when she found out we wanted to rent a one-bedroom for two men.
I am the person who never knows which bathroom I should use if I want to avoid getting the management called on me.
I am the mother who is not allowed to even visit the children I bore, nursed, and raised.
The court says I am an unfit mother because I now live with another woman.
I am the domestic-violence survivor who found the support system grow suddenly cold and distant when they found out my abusive partner is also a woman.
I am the domestic-violence survivor who has no support system to turn to because I am male.
I am the father who has never hugged his son because I grew up afraid to show affection to other men.
I am the home-economics teacher who always wanted to teach gym until someone told me that only lesbians do that.
I am the woman who died when the EMT s stopped treating me as soon as they realized I was transsexual.
I am the person who feels guilty because I think I could be a much better person if I didn't have to always deal with society hating me.
I am the man who stopped attending church, not because I don't believe, but because they closed their doors to my kind.
I am the person who has to hide what this world needs most, love. I am the person ashamed to tell my own friends I'm a lesbian, because they constantly make fun of them.
I am the boy tied to a fence, beaten to a bloody pulp and left to die because two straight men wanted to "teach me a lesson"
--IF YOU BELIEVE THAT HOMOPHOBIA IS WRONG.. REPOST THIS--
I am not homosexual, but those who are, I support you. I hate when people openly hate you guys, especially those who are very religious. I have realized they're just being hypocrites
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What Hallmark doesn’t print:
1. So your daughter's a hooker, and it spoiled your day. Look at the
bright side, its really good pay.
2. My tire was thumping, I thought it was flat. When I looked at the
tire, I noticed your cat. Sorry!
3. You had your bladder removed and you're on the mend. Here's a
bouquet of flowers and a box of Depends.
4. You've announced that you're gay, won't that be a laugh, when they
find out you're one of the Joint Chiefs of Staff.
5. Happy Vasectomy! Hope you feel zippy! Cause when I had mine I got
real snippy.
6. Heard your wife left you, how upset you must be. But don't fret
about it, she moved in with me.
7. You totaled your car and can't remember why. Could it have been,
that whole case of Bud Dry?
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The 7 things I hate about you
You're vain, your games, you're insecure
You love me, you like her
You make me laugh, you make me cry
I don't know which side to buy
Your friends they're jerks
And when you act like them, just know it hurts
I wanna be with the one I know
And the 7th thing I hate the most that you do
You make me love you
7 Things ~ Miley Cyrus - from vampirechick123 's profile
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I'm INTO THEATRE & ART, so I MUST be a homosexual.
I’m a VIRGIN, so I MUST be a prude
I'm BI, so I MUST think every girl I see is hot.
I'm a FEMALE GAMER, so I MUST be ugly or crazy.
I WEAR BLACK, so I MUST be a Goth.
I'm YOUNG, so I MUST be naive
I'm SOUTHERN, so I MUST be white trash
I SPEAK MY MIND, so I MUST be a bitch.
I'm OVERWEIGHT, so I MUST have a problem with self control.
I’m WICCAN, so I MUST be a devil-worshipping baby killer.
I’m A GOOD LIAR, so I MUST be an actor/actress
I’m a BLACK BELT, so I MUST always want to kick someone’s ass
I’m a FEMALE BLACK BELT, so I MUST be a lesbian
I LIKE TO BE MYSELF, so I MUST be cocky and arrogant
I’m FRENCH, so I MUST be homosexual
I’m a BOHEMIAN, so I MUST be a lazy drug addict
I LOVE ANIMALS, so I MUST be a vegetarian
I’m a TREEHUGGER, so I MUST be a drug addicted hippie
I’m INTO JIMI HENDRIX, so I MUST be on drugs
I’m a MUSICIAN, so I MUST not be doing anything with my life
I'm GAY, so I MUST have AIDS
I'm ASIAN, so I MUST love math
I'm BLACK, so I MUST be on welfare
I'm PUNK, so I MUST cut my wrists
I'm RICH, so I MUST be a concieted snob
I'm ARAB, so I MUST be a terrorist
I'm IRISH, so I MUST be a alcoholic
I'm BLOND, so I MUST be a stupid ditz
I'm a CHEERLEADER, so I MUST be a whore
I'm a JEW, so I MUST be greedy
I'm a TOMBOY, so I MUST be a lesbian
I'm ITALIAN, so I MUST eat spaghetti and meatballs everyday
I'm an OUTCAST, so I MUST be a jealous loser
I'm a GIRL, so I MUST be obsessed with boys and gossip
I'm a VIRGIN, so I MUST be frigid
I'm SHY, so I MUST NOT have any friends
I have a lot of GUY friends so I MUST be dating them all
~STOP STSEREOTYPES! IF YOU HATE STEREOTPYES AND WANT THEM TO STOP, COPY THIS LIST INTO YOUR PROFILE AND ADD ANY MORE STEREOTYPES YOU'VE HEARD.
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ThInGs To PoNdEr:
Why is it considered necessary to nail down the lid of a coffin?
Why don't you ever see the headline "Psychic Wins Lottery"?
Why doesn't glue stick to the inside of the bottle?
Why is it that doctors call what they do "practice"?
Why is the man who invests all your money called a broker?
Why can't they make the whole plane out of the same substance that little indestructible black box is?
Can fat people go skinny-dipping?
If a person with multiple personalities threatens suicide, is that considered a hostage situation?
If a cow laughed, would milk come out her nose?
So what's the speed of dark?
How come abbreviated is such a long word?
Since light travels faster than sound, isn't that why some people appear bright until you hear them speak?
Ever wonder what the speed of lightning would be if it didn't zigzag?
A bus station is where a bus stops. A train station is where a Train stops On my desk, I have a work station..
If quitters never win, and winners never quit, what fool came up with, "Quit while you're ahead"?
Do Lipton employees take coffee breaks?
Should women put pictures of missing husbands on beer cans?
Why do they put pictures of criminals up in the Post Office? What are we supposed to do . . . write to these men?
How much deeper would oceans be if sponges didn't live there?
If you can't be kind, at least have the decency to be vague.
After eating, do amphibians need to wait an hour before getting OUT of the water?
Why don't they just make mouse-flavored cat food?
If you're sending someone some Styrofoam, what do you pack it in?
Why do they sterilize needles for lethal injections?
Is it true that cannibals don't eat clowns because they taste funny?
Isn't Disney World a people trap operated by a mouse?
Whose cruel idea was it for the word "lisp" to have an "s" in it?
Why can't you find fresh sardines in the fish market?
Why do so many old people eat at cafeterias?
Why does an "X" stand for a kiss?
Why does the word "Filipino" start with the letter F ?
Why are the copyright dates on movies and television shows written in Roman numbers?
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Some examples of why the human race has probably evolved as far as possible. These are actual instruction labels on consumer goods..
On Sears hairdryer:
Do not use while sleeping.
(Gee, that's the only time I have to work on my hair!)
On a bag of Fritos:
You could be a winner! No purchase necessary. Details inside.
(The shoplifter special!)
On a bar of Dial soap:
Directions: Use like regular soap.
(and that would be how?)
On some Swann frozen dinners:
Serving suggestion: Defrost.
(But it's 'just' a suggestion!)
On Tesco's Tiramisu dessert: (printed on bottom of the box)
Do not turn upside down.
(Too late! you lose!)
On Marks & Spencer Bread Pudding:
Product will be hot after heating.
(Are you sure? Let's experiment.)
On packaging for a Rowenta iron:
Do not iron clothes on body.
(But wouldn't that save more time?)Whose body?)
On Boot's Children's cough medicine:
Do not drive car or operate machinery.
(We could do a lot to reduce the construction accidents if we just kept those 5 year olds off those fork lifts.)
On Nytol sleep aid:
Warning: may cause drowsiness.
(One would hope!)
On a Korean kitchen knife:
Warning: keep out of children.
(hmm..something must have gotten lost in the translation..
On a string of Christmas lights:
For indoor or outdoor use only.
(As opposed to use in outer space.)
On a food processor:
Not to be used for the other use.
(Now I'm curious.)
On Sainsbury's peanuts:
Warning: contains nuts.
(but no peas?)
On an American Airlines packet of nuts:
Instructions: open packet, eat nuts.
(somebody got paid big bucks to write this one..
On a Swedish chainsaw:
Do not attempt to stop chain with your hands.
(Raise your hand if you've tried this.)
On a child's Superman costume:
Wearing of this garment does not enable you to fly.
(Oh go ahead! That's right, destroy a universal childhood belief.)
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Jacob-itis
You may or may not have heard of a recent disease that has been sweeping the globe, leaving masses of people infected. The new, yet extremely dangerous disease is called Jacob-itis, named so after the character Jacob Black, from the series of books by Stephenie Meyer. Males are extremely resistant to the disease. If fact, one interesting quality of the disease is that it not only infects individuals, it can even affect groups of people as a whole, and can indirectly influence those not infected. Signs of the disease include:
1. Intense infatuation with the mentioned Jacob Black.
2. Bearing the Mark of Jacob on one's hand (The Mark of Jacob is typically the word "Jacob" written on one's hand, although it may be accompanied with other lovestruck phrases)
3. A desire to name one's puppy Jacob.
4. A willingness to change one's name to go with the surname "Black".
5. Fighting over Jacob with other victims of the disease.
6. Subconsciously inserting the word "Jacob" into everyday conversation.
7. Sqee-ing over Jacob.
8. Having a preference for the color Black.
9. Adopting the catchphrase "Sure sure!"
10. Having naughty thoughts about Jacob.
11. Writing (sometimes naughty) fiction about Jacob.
12. A need to have a picture of Jacob as one's screensaver.
13. A sudden upsurge in the number of baby boys named Jacob.
14. Obsession with Jacob Black.
15. The male population marrying illiterate women, or those not infected by Jacob-itis.
16. Saying Jacob for no apparent reason, and sighing.
17. Complete memorization of the books with Jacob in them.
18. If the sickness has worsened, victims may have turned into Jacob-nerds, though they may not be able to accept the fact that the word nerd could ever be used with Jacob.
19. In especially severe cases, loss of coherent thought, with the exception of the word Jacob.
20. Final sympton: A Jacob coma, from which victims emerge as Jacob zombies, mindless slaves who serve only to obey their true love's will.
So always be on the alert for these signs, and if you notice them, and are female, get out of the place - fast, or risk joining the legions who have already been infected with Jacob-itis. (If you are a guy, no worries. The only side-effect for guys is intense jealousy
XX
there were 3girls
They were looking through peoples
MySpaces.
The girl slowly came upon this one
myspace.
It had creatures in the background and the man
looked like a psycho.
She started laughing with her friend commenting on how ugly he was.
Right then, an instant message came up.
It said:
SatanStalker: So how do u like my
MySpace??
XxLoVemExX: What??
XxLoVemExX: Who is this anyway??
SatanStalker: Well, you should know;
youre looking at my MySpace right now.
XxLoVemExX: How do you know that im looking at ur pro??
SatanStalker:I know when people look at my MySpace.
XxLoVemExX: What? That doesnt make
any sense, how?
SatanStalker: I just do.
Satanstalker: Especially to pretty girls like you.
Satanstalker: With very nice legs I might say.
At the time the girl was wearing high
shorts.
She started to pull them down a little bit to cover what
ever she could. Her and her friend started to get
worried now.
XxLoVemExX: Ok whatever man youre starting to scare the living sht out of me.
SatanStalker: You should be afraid.
SatanStalker: You wouldnt want an ugly guy like me touching your legs huh? I mean thats what you
just said about me with your friend like a
minute ago.
They were in shock.
Her friend: Holy crap man just block him
hes a fcking psycho!
The girl: Ok holy crap, you think hes
watching us?
SatanStalker: I am.
SatanStalker: Well it wouldnt really
matter if you blocked me anyway; it wouldnt stop me
from coming to your house.
XxLoVemExX: What? My house?
SatanStalker: Yeah, youre alone so its
not a problem.
XxLoVemExX: Ok I think Im going to leave now because youre freaking me out.
SatanStalker: Your screen name says
love me, trust me that wont be a problem.
SatanStalker has just signed off.
The girl and her friend were really
scared. Girls
friend: Whatever lets just go upstairs trust me I doubt hes really coming. Its just a joke from someone.
They went upstairs and were having a pillow fight.
All of a sudden the girls friend said she had to go to the bathroom. The girl said ok.
Ten minutes later the girl noticed that her friend was
still in the bathroom and was wondering what was up.
She goes and knocks but no one said
anything
she opens it and finds her friend there on
the ground dead. She started to scream but when she
turned around he was there. News the next morning said that there was one girl dead in the bathroom;
her neck sliced with blood all over the ground. with her head nailed to the wall. Just her head.
If you do not repost this in the next two
minutes here will be three men, one in your
bathroom,
one in your room, and one killing your parents at that
very moment.
Tonight at 1:30am. Well what are you waiting for?
Repost or you are going to die.
XX
A True Boyfriend:When she walks away from you mad
Follow her When she stare's at your mouth
Kiss her When she pushes you or hit's you
Grab her and dont let go When she start's cussing at you
Kiss her and tell her you love her When she's quiet
Ask her whats wrong When she ignore's you
Give her your attention When she pull's away
Pull her back When you see her at her worst
Tell her she's beautiful When you see her start crying
Just hold her and dont say a word When you see her walking
Sneak up and hug her waist from behind When she's scared
Protect her When she lay's her head on your shoulder
Tilt her head up and kiss her When she steal's your favorite hat
Let her keep it and sleep with it for a nightWhen she tease's you
Tease her back and make her laugh When she doesnt answer for a long time
reassure her that everything is okay When she look's at you with doubt
Back yourself up When she say's that she like's you
she really does more than you could understand When she grab's at your hands
Hold her's and play with her fingers When she bump's into you
bump into her back and make her laugh When she tell's you a secret
keep it safe and untold When she looks at you in your eyes
dont look away until she does When she misses you
she's hurting inside When you break her heart
the pain never really goes away When she says its over
she still wants you to be hers When she repost this bulletin
she wants you to read it - Stay on the phone with her even if shes not saying anything.- When she's mad hug her tight and don't let go- When she says she's ok dont believe it, talk with her- because 10 yrs later she'll remember you- Call her at 12:00am on her birthday to tell her you love her- Call her before you sleep and after you wake up- Treat her like she's all that matters to you.- Tease her and let her tease you back.- Stay up all night with her when she's sick.- Watch her favorite movie with her or her favorite show even if you think its stupid.- Give her the world.- Let her wear your clothes.- When she's bored and sad, hang out with her.- Let her know she's important.- Kiss her in the pouring rain.- When she runs up at you crying, the first thing you say is;
"Who's ass am I kicking babe?"If you do post this in the next four minutes the one you love will :
Call you.
Kiss you.
Love you.
Text you.Guys post as: "i'd be this boyfriend."
Girls post as: "A true boyfriend " or " what a boyfriend should do"
I want a guy like this more than anyone will ever know...
XX
Why America has some issues (Yes, I live there, but tough. These are all clever.)
1. Only in
America...can a pizza get to your house faster than an
ambulance.
2. Only in America...are there handicap parking places
in front of a skating rink.
3. Only in America...do drugstores
make the sick walk all the way to the back of the store to get their
prescriptions while healthy people can buy cigarettes at the
front.
4. Only in America...do people order double cheeseburgers,
large fries, and a diet coke.
5. Only in America...do banks leave
both doors open and then chain the pens to the counters.
6. Only in
America...do we leave cars worth thousands of dollars in the driveway
and put
our useless junk in the garage.
7. Only in America...do we use
answering machines to screen calls and then have call waiting so we won't
miss a
call from someone we didn't want to talk to in the first place.
8.
Only in America...do we buy hot dogs in packages of ten and buns in
packages
of eight.
9. Only in America...do we use the word 'politics' to
describe the process so well: 'Poli' in Latin meaning 'many' and 'tics'
meaning
'bloodsucking creatures'
.
10. Only in America...do they have
drive-up ATM's with Braille lettering.
XX
Mommy..Johnny brought a gun to school,
He told his friends that it was cool,
And when he pulled the trigger back,
It shot with a great, huge crack.
Mommy, I was a good girl, I did what I was told,
I went to school, I got straight A's, I even got the gold!
When I went to school that day,
I never said good-bye.
I'm sorry that I had to go, But Mommy, please don't cry.
When Johnny shot the gun, he hit me and another,
And all because Johnny, got the gun from his brother.
Mommy, please tell Daddy; That I love him very much,
And please tell Zack; my boyfriend; That it wasn't just a crush.
And tell my little sister; That she is the only one now,
And tell my dear sweet grandmother; I'll be waiting for her now
And tell my wonderful friends; That they always were the best
Mommy, I'm not the first, I'm no better than the rest
Mommy, tell my teachers; I won't show up for class,
And never to forget this, And please don't let this pass
Mommy, why'd it have to be me? No one, though. deserves this.
But mommy, it's not fair, I left without a kiss.
And Mommy tell the doctors; I know that they really did try
I think I even saw one doctor, trying not to cry.
Mommy, I'm slowly dying, with a bullet in my chest,
But Mommy please remember, I'm in heaven with the rest
When I heard that great, big crack, I ran as fast as I could
please listen to me if you would,
I wanted to go to college, I wanted to try things that were new
I guess I'm not going with Daddy, On that trip to the new zoo
I wanted to get married, I wanted to have a kid,
I wanted to be an actress, I really wanted to live.
But Mommy I must go now, The time is getting late,
Mommy, tell my Zack, I'm sorry to cancel the date.
I love you Mommy, I always have, I know you know its true
And Mommy all I need to say is, "Mommy, I love you"
In Memory of The Columbine & Virginia Tech Students Who Were Lost
XX
This story is about a little girl that was abused. If you care about it, copy and paste it to your profile.
My name is Sarah
I am but three,
My eyes are swollen
I cannot see,
I must be stupid
I must be bad,
What else could have made
My daddy so mad?
I wish I were better
I wish I weren't ugly,
Then maybe my mommy
Would still want to hug me.
I can't speak at all
I can't do a wrong
Or else I'm locked up
All the day long
When I awake
I'm all alone
The house is dark
My folks aren't home.
When my mommy does come
I'll try and be nice,
So maybe I'll get just
One whipping tonight
Don't make a sound!
I just heard a car
My daddy is back
From Charlie's Bar.
I hear him curse
My name he calls
I press myself
Against the wall.
I try and hide
From his evil eyes
I'm so afraid now
I'm sradishing to cry.
He finds me weeping
He shouts ugly words,
He says its my fault
That he suffers at work.
He slaps me and hits me
And yells at me more,
I finally get free
And I run for the door.
He's already locked it
And I sradish to bawl,
He takes me and throws me
Against the hard wall.
I fall to the floor
With my bones nearly broken,
And my daddy continues
With more bad words spoken.
"I'm sorry!", I scream
But its now much too late
His face has been twisted
Into unimaginable hate.
The hurt and the pain
Again and again
Oh please God, have mercy!
Oh please let it end!
And he finally stops
And heads for the door,
While I lay there motionless
Sprawled on the floor.
My name is Sarah
And I am but three,
Tonight my daddy,
Murdered me.
XX
So effin funny!!:
One day Mrs. Jones went to have a talk with the minister at the local church. "Reverend," she said, "I have a problem: my husband keeps falling asleep during your sermons. It's very embarrassing. What should I do?"
"I have an idea," said the minister. "Take this hatpin with you. I will be able to tell when Mr. Jones is sleeping, and I will motion to you at specific times. When I motion, you give him a good poke in the leg."
In church the following Sunday, Mr. Jones dozed off. Noticing this, the preacher put his plan to work. "And who made the ultimate sacrifice for you?" he said, nodding to Mrs. Jones.
"Jesus!" Jones cried as his wife jabbed him the leg with the hatpin.
"Yes, you are right, Mr. Jones," said the minister. Soon, Mr. Jones nodded off again. Again, the minister noticed. "Who is your redeemer?" he asked the congregation, motioning towards Mrs. Jones.
"God!" Mr. Jones cried out as he was stuck again with the hatpin.
"Right again," said the minister, smiling. Before long, Mr. Jones had winked off again. However, this time, the minister did not notice. As he picked up the tempo of his sermon, he made a few motions that Mrs. Jones mistook as signals to bayonet her husband with the hatpin again.
The minister asked, "And what did Eve say to Adam after she bore him his 99th son?"
Mrs. Jones poked her husband, who yelled, "You stick that goddamned thing in me one more time and I'll break it in half and shove it up your ass!"
"Amen," replied the congregation.
XX
Girls
are like
apples on trees.
The best ones are
at the top of the tree.The
boys dont want to reach
for the good ones because they
are afraid of falling and getting hurt.
Instead, they just get the rotten apples
from the ground that aren't as good,
but easy. So the apples at the top think
something is wrong with them, when in
reality, they're amazing. They just
have to wait for the right boy to
come along, the one who's
brave enough to
climb all
the way
to the top
of the tree.
XX
Daddy's Poem:
Her hair was up in a ponytail, her favorite dress tied with a bow,
Today was Daddy's Day at school and she couldn't wait to go.
But her mommy tried to tell her, that she probably should stay home,
Why the kids not might understand, if she went to school alone.
But she was not afraid, she knew just what to say,
What to tell her classmates of why he wasn't there today.
But still her mother worried, for her to face this day alone,
And that was why, once again, she tried to keep her daughter home.
But the little girl went to school eager to tell them all,
About a dad she never sees, a dad who never calls.
There were daddy's along the wall in back for everyone to meet. Children squirming impatiently,
Anxious in their seats.
One by one the teacher called, a student from the class,
To introduce their daddy, as seconds slowly passed.
At last the teacher called her name, every child turned to stare,
Each of them was searching, a man who wasn't their.
"Where's her daddy at?"
She heard a boy call out. "She probably doesn't have one." another student dared to shout.
And from somewhere near the back, she heard a daddy say,
"Looks like another deadbeat dad, too busy to waste his day."
The words did not offend her, as she smiled up at her mom,
And looked back at her teacher, who told her to go on.
And with hands behind her back, she slowly began to speak,
And out of the mouth of a child, came words incredibly unique.
"My daddy couldn't be here, because he lives so far away,
But I know he wishes he could be, since this is such a special day.
And though you cannot meet him, I wanted you to know,
All about my daddy, and how he loves me so.
He loved to tell me storys, he taught me to ride my bike,
He surprised me with pink roses, and taught me to fly a kite.
We used to sahre fudge sundaes, and ice cream in a cone,
And though you cannot see him, I'm not standing here alone.
'Cause my daddy's always with me, even though we are apart,
I know because he told me he'll forever be in my heart."with that, her little hand reached up, and lay across her chest,
Feeling her own heartbeat, beneath her favorite dress.
And somewhere in the crowd of dads, her mother stood in tears,
Proudly watching her daughter, who was wise beyond her years.
For she stood up for the love, of a man not in her life,
Doing what was best for her, doing what was right.
And when she dropped her hand back down, staring straight into the crowd,
She finished with a voice so soft, but it's message clear and loud.
"I love my daddy very much, he's my shining star,
And if he could, he'd be here, but heaven's just too far.
You see he is a Marine, and died just this past year,
When a roadside bomb hit his convoy, and taught Canadians to fear.
But sometimes when I close my eyes, it's like he never went away,"
And then she closed her eyes, and saw him there that day.
And to her mother's amazement, she witnessed with surprise,
A room full of daddy's and children, all starting to close their eyes.
Who knows what they saw before them, who knows what they felt inside,
Perhaps for merely a second, they saw him by her side.
"I know your with my daddy,"to the silence she called out,
And what happened next, made believers out of those once filled with doubt.
Not one of them could explain it, for each of their eyes had been closed,
But there on the desk beside her, was a fragrent, long-stemmed, pink rose.
And a child was blessed for only a moment, by the love of her shining star,
And given the gift of believing that heaven is never to far.
They say it takes a minute to find a special person, an hour to appreciate them,a day to love them, but then an entire lifetime to forget them.
XX
One bright day in the middle of the night,
Two dead boys got up to fight.
Back to back they faced each other,
Draw their swords and shot each other.
One was blind and the other couldn't see,
So they chose a dummy for the referee.
A blind man went to see fair play,
A dumb man went to shout "Hooray!"
A paralysed donkey passing by,
Kicked the blind man in the eye.
Knocked him through a nine inch wall,
Into a dry ditch and drowned them all.
A deaf policeman heard the noise,
And ran to save the two dead boys.
And if you don't believe it's true,
Go ask the blind man, he saw it too.
XX
A girl and guy were speeding over 100mph on a motorcycle
Girl: Slow down, I'm scared!
Guy: No, this is fun.
Girl: No, it's not. Please, I'm scared.
Guy: Then tell me you love me.
Girl: I love you, now slow down!
Guy: Now give me a big hug.
She gives him a big hug
Guy: Can you take off my helmet and put it on yourself, it's bothering me.
In the newspaper the next day, a motorcycle had crashed into a building because of break failure. Two people were on it and only one survived. The truth was that halfway down the road, the guy realized his break wasn't working but he didn't want the girl to know. Instead he had her hug him and tell him one last time that she loved him. Then he had her put on his helmet so that she would live even if he died. Copy this onto your profile if you would do the same thing for someone you love
XX
The Uncurable Disease
Hi, my name is Kazu.
I like Writing and I like Athletics.
I am running down the road
I suddenly tripped over.
I come home with a scatch on my knee.
My mummy begins to worry.
I tell her I am fine.
She sighs and says ok.
I am at school.
When suddenly I fall and hit a tree.
I am sent to the sickbay.
Then I am sent home.
Mummy takes me to the doctors.
The doctors tell mummy something.
Mummy starts to cry.
I tell her it's ok.
I'm not going to die.
She tells me I am starting.
Starting to be slower.
I don't know what it means.
But I have become sick.
I tell mummy it's ok.
I will become better.
Mummy starts to cry.
Do I have cancer?
Mummy says no.
Then what do I suppose.
As a year had past.
I struggle to walk.
My speech is getting slower.
It's hard for me to talk.
My friends like to help me.
My classmates like to run.
But I have to sit down.
And watch them have fun.
Then one day my teacher.
Comes to see mummy.
Daddy comes out.
And starts to get all snotty.
The teacher tells my parents.
I can no longer go to school.
My motion is too slow.
I ask the teacher slowly.
I am sorry I am useless.
I start to cry and beg her.
I want to go to school.
The teacher gives a smile.
And tells me she is sorry.
The school cant really help me.
The words were so cruel.
The day I had to leave.
My friends and classmates cried.
The boys upon the windows.
Wave to me goodbye.
I smile and sit in the car.
I am taken to a school.
A school with special people.
Just like me and you.
I start to have some fun.
I made a lot of friends.
As many years passed again.
I talk too slow to understand.
I cannot run anymore.
And I struggle to even stand.
I cannot write in my diary.
My motion is too slow.
Then one day I am sent.
To the hospital again.
Now many years have passed.
I lie in a warm bed.
I cannot move my body.
I cannot move again.
I talk very slowly.
I cannot move my head.
My mummy sits there crying.
My daddy looks depressed.
I ask my mummy sadly.
Am I going to die.
My mother holds my hand.
Yells and starts to cry.
A few more years later.
I have to shut my eyes.
I cannot talk or move.
I seem to have died.
Copy and Paste this story about Kazu who was diagnosed with a rare uncurable disease, Spinocerebellar Degeneration, in your profile. This disease causes a failure of muscle control in their arms and legs, resulting in a lack of balance and coordination or a disturbance of gait. Support and send the message worldwide.
XX
Month one
Mommy
I am only 8 inches long
but I have all my organs.
I love the sound of your voice.
Every time I hear it
I wave my arms and legs.
The sound of your heart beat
is my favorite lullaby.
Month Two
Mommy
today I learned how to suck my thumb.
If you could see me
you could definitely tell that I am a baby.
I'm not big enough to survive outside my home though.
It is so nice and warm in here.
Month Three
You know what Mommy
I'm a boy!!
I hope that makes you happy.
I always want you to be happy.
I don't like it when you cry.
You sound so sad.
It makes me sad too
and I cry with you even though
you can't hear me.
Month Four
Mommy
my hair is starting to grow.
It is very short and fine
but I will have a lot of it.
I spend a lot of my time exercising.
I can turn my head and curl my fingers and toes
and stretch my arms and legs.
I am becoming quite good at it too.
Month Five
You went to the doctor today.
Mommy, he lied to you.
He said that I'm not a baby.
I am a baby Mommy, your baby.
I think and feel.
Mommy, what's abortion?
Month Six
I can hear that doctor again.
I don't like him.
He seems cold and heartless.
Something is intruding my home.
The doctor called it a needle.
Mommy what is it? It burns!
Please make him stop!
I can't get away from it!
Mommy! HELP me!
Month Seven
Mommy
I am okay.
I am in Jesus's arms.
He is holding me.
He told me about abortion.
Why didn't you want me Mommy?
Every Abortion Is Just . . .
One more heart that was stopped.
Two more eyes that will never see.
Two more hands that will never touch.
Two more legs that will never run.
One more mouth that will never speak.
If you're against abortion, re-post this
XX
The white man said, "Colored people are not allowed here." The black man turned around and stood up. He then said: "Listen sir...when I was born I was BLACK, When I grew up I was BLACK, When I'm sick I'm BLACK, When I go in the sun I'm BLACK, When I'm cold I'm BLACK, When I die I'll be BLACK. But you sir, When you're born you're PINK, When you grow up you're WHITE, When you're sick, you're GREEN, When you go in the sun you turn RED, When you're cold you turn BLUE, And when you die you turn PURPLE. And you have the nerve to call me colored?" The black man then sat back down and the white man walked away...
Post this on your profile if you hate racism
XX
A good or best friend!
A good friend will comfort you when he rejects you. A best friend will go up and ask him, "It's because you're gay, isn't it?"
A good friend will be there for you when he breaks up with you. A best friend will call him up and whisper, "Seven days..."
A good friend helps you up when you fall. A best friend keeps on walking saying, "Walk much, dumb ass?"
A good friend helps you find your prince. A best friend kidnaps him and brings him to you.
A good friend will ask you if you're okay when you're crying. A best friend will laugh at you and say, "Ha Ha, Loser!"
A good friend will offer you a soda. A best friend will dump theirs on you.
A good friend will sit at the side of the pool with you at that time of the month. A best friend will throw you a tampon and push you in.
A good friend gives you their umbrella in the rain. A best friend takes yours and says, "Run - beep - run!"
A good friend will help you move. A best friend will help you move the bodies.
A good friend will bail you out of jail. A best friend would be in the room next to you saying, "That was awesome! Let's do it again!"
A good friend has never seen you cry. A best friend won't tell anyone else that you cried...just laugh about it in private with you whenyou aren't down anymore.
A good friend asks you to write down your number. A best friend has you on speed dial.
A good friend will leave you behind if that is what the crowd is doing. A best friend will kick the whole crowds ass that left you.
A good friend knows a few things about you. A best friend could write a very embarrassing biography on your life story.
A good friend tells you she knows how you feel. A best friend just sits down and cries.
A good friend will ask you why you are crying. A best friend is someone who wont say anything when you cry for no reason, but will start sobbing too, just help you cry.
A good friendwill help you learn to drive. A best friend will help you roll the car into the lake so I can collect insurance.
A good friend Will watch your pets when I go away. A best friend won't let you go away.
A good friend will go to a concert with you. A best friend will kidnap the band with you
A good friend will hide you from the cops. A best friend is probably the reason they are after you in the first place.
"Best friends through thick and thin!
If you cry, I cry,
If you laugh, I laugh,
If you fight, I got your back,
If you trip, I'll catch you when you fall,
If you jump off a bridge... Oh heck ,wait for me!"
XX
25 REASONS I OWE MY MOTHER
1. My mother taught me TO APPRECIATE A JOB WELL DONE.
"If you're going to kill each other, do it outside. I just finished
cleaning."
2. My mother taught me RELIGION.
"You better pray that will come out of the carpet."
3 . My mother taught me about TIME TRAVEL.
"If you don't straighten up, I'm going to knock you into the middle of
next
week!"
4. My mother taught me LOGIC.
"Because I said so, that's why."
5. My mother taught me MORE LOGIC.
"If you fall out of that swing and break your neck, you're not going to the
store with me."
6. My mother taught me FORESIGHT.
"Make sure you wear clean underwear, in case you're in an accident."
7. My mother taught t me IRONY.
"Keep crying, and I'll give you something to cry about."
8. My mother taught me about the science of OSMOSIS.
"Shut your mouth and eat your supper."
9. My mother taught me about CONTORTIONISM.
"Will you look at that dirt on the back of your neck k!"
10. My mother taught me about STAMINA.
"You'll sit there until all that spinach is gone."
11. My mother taught me about WEATHER.
"This room of yours looks as if a tornado went through it."
12. My mother taught me about HYPOCRISY.
"If I told you once, I've told you a million times. Don't exaggerate!"
13. My mother taught me the CIRCLE OF LIFE.
"I brought you into this world, and I can take you out."
14. My mother taught me about BEHAVIOR MODIFICATION.
"Stop acting like your father!"
15. My mother taught me about ENVY.
"There are millions of less fortunate children in this world who don't
have wonderful parents like you do."
16. My mother taught me about ANTICIPATION .
"Just wait until we get home."
17. My mother taught me about RECEIVING.
"You are going to get it when you get home!"
18. My mother taught me MEDICAL SCIENCE.
"If you don't stop crossing your eyes, they are going to freeze that
way."
19. My mother taught me ESP.
"Put your sweater on; don't you think I know when you are cold?"
20. My mother taught me HUMOR.
"When that lawn mower cuts off your toes, don 't come running to me."
21. My mother taught me HOW TO BECOME AN ADULT.
"If you don't eat your vegetables, you'll never grow up."
22. My mother taught me GENETICS.
"You're just like your father."
23. My mother taught me about my ROOTS.
"Shut that door behind you. Do you think you were born in a barn?"
24. My mother taught me WISDOM.
"When you get to be my age, you'll understand."
25. And my favorite: My mother taught me about JUSTICE.
"One day you'll have kids, and I hope they turn out just like you!"
XX
Lessons Learned in Twilight:
1. You can enjoy the banquet while resisting the wine.
2. The future is not set in stone.
3. Men are crabby when they're hungry.
4. Nothing beats an irritable grizzly bear.
5. True love knows no boundaries.
6. Some people are just danger magnets.
7. Even eternal enemies can work together to save something they love.
8. Forget the fangs - real vampires sparkle!
9. Soul mates exist, even if it takes 100 years to find them.
10. Porshe 911 Turbos make really great bribes.
11. Friendship is like the sun on a cloudy day.
12. Snow just means it's too cold for rain.
13. Family is about more than just blood.
14. What's worth doing is worth over-doing.
15. Losing your temper can be hair-raising.
16. "Vegetarian" has many meanings.
17. Even monsters can hold on to their humanity.
18. There are exceptions to every rule.
19. Always verify bad news before doing something stupid.
20. Hearing voices in your head doesn't necessarily mean you're crazy.
21. Love means being willing to sacrifice your happiness for another's.
22. Cold hands = Warm heart.
23. Not breathing is uncomfortable.
24. Stupid lambs and masochistic lions make quite a pair.
25. Romeo was an idiot.
26. Twilight is the saddest and safest time of day.
27. Extreme sports should not be attempted alone.
28. Life is worth very little without someone to share it with.
29. Space heaters can be very annoying.
30. Love can make even the most miserable places paradise.
XX
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