Hi. I've divided my profile into nifty little sections for your enjoyment, so go ahead. PMs are enabled if you want to talk about something. Be warned if you're here to bitch- I bitch back. :D

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Fandoms of Interest: I started out with Maximum Ride, but I'm pretty much done with that fandom. Instead, I've been obsessively reading the archives of The Hunger Games, Gallagher Girls, and Vampire Academy. Especially Vampire Academy. And now I'm in love with Night World, but the FFNet archive here sucks and I have to go to livejournal for my Keller/Rashel/Jez/Hannah fix. I also read The Incredibles fanfiction (especially Syndrome/Violet) and Sky High. (Something about superheroes does it for me.)

Gender: If you can't figure it out from my name, I'll just leave you to wallow in your own stupidity.

Location: Deep South, USA (what's up, y'all?)

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Random Facts:

I have my first avatar, thanks to the FFNet admins who thought everyone should have either a personalized avatar or a stalker pic. I'm not happy about it.

I've done my best to make my profile idiot-proof by 1) bolding the things people tend to skip and then get confused about and 2) separating the sections to make it easier on the eyes. If you're still confused, I can do no more: go curse the brains you were given, get caffeine, or take a nap. The last two can be especially helpful.

I recently learned how to swallow pills. I'm very proud of myself. :D

I enjoy flames. I appreciate concrit. I dislike reviews that say ZOMG!! UPDAtE!!11!1!11 and/or have rampant chat speak in them. Please refrain from doing either when reviewing my stories (when they're finally posted). I value quality over quantity.

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Stories: Since I'm an Offishul Beta Reader now, I suppose I should stop saying that I don't write?

Stillborn- My first fanfiction, inspired partly by Maiyri's annoyed AN in her original Anti-Fax Duet. Unfortunately the version up now lacks this AN, but meh. (Review her fic, btw.) Apparently I sound like Max when I write, albeit with a slightly bigger vocabulary. It's my only stream-of-consciousness fanfiction, and it's an ugly fic. Kind of reminds me of Flannery O'Connor, minus the religious themes, because she also writes very ugly and very human characters.

You Wanna Know How I Got These Scars?- I had no intention of turning this into an actual story; it was originally a post on one of the FFNet MaxRide forums, written in response to a post made by the Joker-loving Teh Soul Cookie. (Her post was "-dances-". If you squint when you read it, you can sort of see the relationship between that post and YWKHIGTS.)

Is This a Smile Which I See Before Me?- Look, I have no idea why Teh Soul Cookie inspired this one as well, since she's hardly one of the people I usually talk to on the forums, but hey. Her post ":D" stirred the writing juices randomly, and this was the result. (I was told to post Smile and Scars by the same user, nathan-p, so yeah... thanks, Nathan.)

The Flirt- I'd been scrolling through the MR archive and finally a Fax story with the obligatory flirty hotel check-in girl made me exit the archive and write this piece. Well, it was more constructive than harshly concritting the writer for something that she probably wasn't even aware that she was doing.

Elasticity- I wrote this drabble on max-dan-wiz, posted it, and decided to transfer it here so that I could keep all of my stories together. And also because FFNet was my first home, so I feel obliged to stick with it.

To Dress With Fire- Inspired by this thread on a Hunger Games forum, this was a spur-of-the-moment oneshot. I couldn't figure out what was wrong with it until I changed the first paragraph from past tense to present. Now it flows much better, and I feel like a tense-confusing idiot. Lulz.

Uniform- I've always liked the uniforms on the front covers of the Gallagher Girls' books. And then suddenly Liz wanted to comment on her uniform, so I let her.

Moment- A short, pointless oneshot. I don't like how the fandom has shifted from survival-action to ROMANCEROMANCEROMANCE!, so this drabble is me tipping my hat to the days when life was hard for the birdkids.

Sight- I randomly went to check out the Graceling fanfiction section, saw that chercherlecirque had posted a fic in there, and wanted to dedicate something to her for the hell of it. I originally was going to write something about Po's sight, but suddenly it turned into an angsty oneshot about an unnamed Graceling who hated his eyes and his sight.

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Future Stories:

I've had five or six epic story plots, but actually writing them is work, which I'm not keen on. There's a reason why the only fanfictions I have posted are oneshots.

Dragonriders of Pern- (Run and Hide) Katreen is a fifteen-Turn-old girl who has been forced to use her ability to telepathically hide from fire lizards for Lady Holdless Thella's benefit so that Thella will not kill Katreen's younger brother. When she is sent with Thella's assassin to Benden's Hatching in order to kill N'ton, Katreen cannot face the thought of being responsible for the death of a dragonrider and resolves to stop the assassination. Minutes after she decides this, a green dragonet Impresses her from the stands; after her dragon is asleep, she fights Thella's assassin, who convinces her that not only will Thella kill her brother, but the dragonriders will imprison Katreen, before Katreen knocks him out; right after this, Katreen singlehandedly embarks on a desperate race to Thella's hideout in order to rescue her brother before Thella hears that Katreen betrayed her. And the next morning, the Weyr is woken by the shrieking of a green dragonet who is missing her rider... The duel storylines of Katreen's runnerbeast ride and the Weyr's attempt to recover its missing weyrling merge and climax in a battle between Thella's holdless forces and dragonriders, with one small female dragonrider on the ground trying to find her brother- before Thella cuts his throat- and return to her dragon alive.

Vampire Academy- Twelve-year-old Lindsey Dragomir has grown up in a concrete bunker, the captive of a human drug addict who took her Moroi mother prisoner when Lindsey was still in the womb. All Lindsey knows of the outside world are the fantastic stories her mother tells her and her younger dhampir sibling of a place where Moroi vampires are not used as a junkie's next hit, valued for their venom and nothing else. Until the addict falls on hard times and decides to sell his second, backup vampire to another junkie. After she is ripped from her mother's arms and taken away from the concrete cell which is everything she has ever known, Lindsey fights free and tries to survive in a totally foreign world. Unfortunately she's not too good at it, and she is captured by Strigoi in less than a day. Luckily, one of them finds her complete ignorance fascinating and takes her under his protection, teaching her his twisted worldview, until she and another Moroi captive are rescued by dhampir guardians, who immediately form a rescue mission for Lindsey's mother and brother. Following Lindsey's sketchy instructions, they make it back to the bunker a few hours after the druggie, who finally gave up on tracking Lindsey down and returned home. And this is where I have my huge, heartwrenching plot twist, so I'm gonna shut up now. Plot's kind of bare (except for the Strigoi 'let me teach you how the world REALLY is' part), but the concept and the ending plot twist are so beautiful that if I write this, I'll figure out something to do with the middle of the story.

Maximum Ride- After Itex Germany was taken down at the end of the third book, Angel's clone Clarissa ran as fast and far from Itex's castle as her six-year-old legs could carry her, all the way to a car driven by a honeymooning American couple whose minds were easy to control. Nine years later, Clarissa no longer hesitates when she calls her adopted parents 'Mom' and 'Dad'. But Riss's serene life is turned topsy-turvy when Itex crashes back into it and Riss is taken to a brainwashing facility for the next generation of Itex super-soldiers, who all look as Aryan as Riss herself does. Fighting to keep her mind her own is too much of a burden for the telepath, and Riss becomes Director Janssen's personal spy. But then she begins to fight her way back to the surface...

Hunger Games- A tribute from the mountains is entered in the Hunger Games, and proves dismally incompetent until the Games begin... in the middle of a mountain range. Suddenly, she's in her element, and kickstarts things by causing an avalanche and proving a deadly shot with a weapon the Gamemakers didn't include in the training room: an ordinary rock. Standard other-tribute Games fanfic. I switch back and forth between making the tribute Primrose a few years after Katniss wins, or just a generic.

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By reading this profile, you have given me temporary control over your mind. I hereby relinquish it gladly, because it's not interesting in the slightest.

Goodbye, my children! Go and sin no more against the fandoms, for they will retaliate.

Carpe noctem! (Seize the night!)

~)Mer(~