People think I am a very strange person. This is not true. I have the heart of a young boy... it's in a glass jar on my desk.
(I did not say this, my favourite author, Stephen King, did however.)

Name:
(Metta) Myia Alice Marguerite Newton.

I love the spring and fall, and I absolutely love the smell of fresh cut grass (after the dew or rain especially) or the smell of Pine Trees after a Rainstorm; Hence the penname.)

I also go by Myia, Mia, Rain, My, My-My, Alice, and Mia-Myia, among others.

Age:
All You need know is I am a Student in High School (gastly place- blah!)

Random:
I'm allergic to pickles... well, actually vinegar... and I hate sneezing.

Hobbies:
Reading: Some of my favourites include: (Twilight has now been removed from this list) Harry Potter, The Inheritence 'Cycle', Watership Down, The Princess Bride, The Tales of the Frog Princess, The Darkest Age, Dragon Rider, Ella Inchanted, The Host, The Guardians Of Ga'Hoole, The Prophecy of the Stones, The Merlin Conspiracy, A Great and Terrible Beauty, Inkheart, Hus Dark Materials, The Mortal Instruments, Dracula, and anything Stephen King.
There are many, many more. I assure you. I will just spare your eyes and mind and not write them here. :D

Writing: Hence the reason I am here and on Fiction Press.

Art: My mother insists that I try to combine my writing skills and my love of drawing into one - becoming a children's author. She says I should write a childrens book, and draw the illustrations to go along with it.

Favourite Number: 13

Phobias: Blood, Spiders, Giant Squid, Lawn Gnomes (taking over the world), and Heights.

You can find (if you have the patience to get this far in my profile...) me at:

Fiction Press: Faeries of Destruction http://www.fictionpress.com/u/623302

Ice Burns Fire Frozen Flame Forum: newest_cullen http://iceburnsfirefrozenflame.freeforums.org/

The Dragon's Lair Forum: new_dragon http://thedragonslair.freeforums.org

Twitter: www.twitter.com/RainyDayInPines

My Email: viviendo_la_vida_loca@hotmail.com - you can contact me about my stories, or anything else... whateves, just tell me who you are and give me some warning before hand so I don't think you'r some crazed stalker person or something... (seriously... I had some guy from Panama randomly add me... it was creepy)

10 Commandments of a Teenager

1) Thou shall not sneak out when parents are sleeping.
(why wait that long)
2) Thou shall not do drugs.
(alcohol lasts longer, not to mention being cheaper.)
3) Thou shall not steal from K-Mart.
(Walmart has a bigger selection)
4) Thou shall not be arrested for vandalism.
(destruction has a bigger effect, I can tell you all about this)
5) Thou shall not steal from your parents.
(everyone knows grandma has more money)
6) Thou shall not get into fights.
(Cat fight anyhow...just start them.)
7) Thou shall not skip class.
(just take the whole day off)
8) Thou shall not strip in class.
(Hooters pays more)
9) Thou shall not think about having sex.
(like Nike says, "just do it")
10) Thou shall not help old ladies across the street.
(just leave'm in the middle)

OBITUARY FOR THE LATE MR. COMMON SENSE

Today we mourn the passing of a beloved old friend, Common Sense,who has been with us for many years. No one knows for sure how old he was, since his birth records were long ago lost in bureaucratic red tape.

He will be remembered as having cultivated such valuable lessons as: Knowing when to come in out of the rain; why the early bird gets the worm; Life isn't always fair; and Maybe it was my fault.

Common Sense lived by simple, sound financial policies (don't spend more than you can earn) and reliable strategies (adults, not children, are in charge). His health began to deteriorate rapidly when well-intentioned but overbearing regulations were set in place. Reports of a 6 year-old boy charged with sexual harassment for kissing a classmate; teens suspended from school for using mouthwash after lunch; and a teacher fired for reprimanding an unruly student, only worsened his condition.

Common Sense lost ground when parents attacked teachers for doing the job that they themselves had failed to do in disciplining their unruly children. It declined even further when schools were required to get Parental consent to administer Calpol, sun lotion, or a band-aid to a student; but could not inform parents when a student became pregnant and wanted to have an abortion.

Common Sense lost the will to live as the Ten Commandments became contraband; churches became businesses; and criminals received better treatment than their victims.

Common Sense took a beating when you couldn't defend yourself from a burglar in your own home and the burglar could sue you for assault.

Common Sense finally gave up the will to live, after a woman failed to realize that a steaming cup of coffee was hot. She spilled a little in her lap, and was promptly awarded a huge settlement.

Common Sense was preceded in death by his parents, Truth and Trust; his wife, Discretion; his daughter, Responsibility; and his son, Reason.

He is survived by his 3 stepbrothers; I Know My Rights, Someone Else Is To Blame, and I'm A Victim. Not many attended his funeral because so few realized he was gone. If you still remember him, pass this on. If not, join the majority and do nothing.

A moment of silence.

Dr Scott: Janet!

Janet: Dr Scott!

Brad: Janet!

Janet: Brad!

Frankenfurter: Rocky!

Rocky: -looks at Frank-

-repeat two more times-

XXXXXXXXXXXX

Lovett: Are you mad? Killing a man what done you no harm?

Sweeney: He recognized me from the old days. Tried to blackmail me. Half me earnings.

Lovett: Oh, well, it's a different matter, then. For a minute I'd thought you'd lost your mind.

XXXXXXXXXXX

There are three types of people in the world: those who learn by reading, those who learn by observation, and those who have to touch the fire to see if it's hot.

XXXXXXXXXXXX

"Life is pain, Highness. Anyone who says differently is selling something."

(Wesley ~ The Princess Bride)

XXXXXXXXXXXX

Buttercup: We'll never survive!

Wesley: Nonsense. You're only saying that because no one ever has."

(Buttercup & Wesley ~ The Princess Bride)

XXXXXXXXXXXX

"Yes, you're very smart, now shut up."

(Grandpa ~ Princess Bride)

XXXXXXXXXXXX

Max: Bye bye, boys! Have fun storming the castle!

Wife: Do you think it will work?

Max: It would take a miracle.

(Miracle Max & his wife ~ Princess Bride)

XXXXXXXXXXXX

Bella: Look, you've gotta give me some answers.

Edward: Yes...no...to get to the other side...1.772...

Bella: I don't need the square root of pi!

(Bella & Edward ~ Twilight)

XXXXXXX

"I'm so posting this on YouTube."

(Twilight pic of James holding the video camera)

XXXXXXXXXXXX

Movies

Westley (The Princess Bride)
"As you wish."
"Its all in the name, I mean who would be afraid of the Dread Pirate Wesley?"

Miracle Max (The Princess Bride)
"There are two types of dead. All dead, and mostly dead. With mostly dead, he's still alive. But with all dead, well all dead there is only one thing you can do." -What's that?- "Go through his pockets and look for loose change."
-Do you think it'll work?- "It would take a miracle."

Sam Whitwickey (Transformers)
"My Car just TRANSFORMED!"

Draco (Dragonheart)
"Look to the stars Bownen; the stars."

Things I'm not allowed to do at Hogwarts.

1) Seamus Finnigan is not after me lucky charms

2) I do not weigh the same as a duck. Nor should I try to act like one.

3) "I've heard every possible joke about Oliver Wood's name" is not a challenge.

4) I will not sing "we're off to see the wizard" when sent to the Headmaster's office.

5) I will not bring a Magic Eight Ball to Divination class

6) I will not, under any circumstances, ask Harry Potter who died and made him boss

7) Professor Flitwick's first name is not Yoda

8) Remus Lupin does not want a flea collar

9) First years are not allowed to be fed to Fluffy

10) I will not make any jokes about Lupin and his "time of the month"

11) I will not give Hagrid Pokemon cards and convince him they're real animals

12) I will not sing the Badger Song during Hufflepuff-Slytherin quidditch matches

13) The Giant Squid is not an approriate date to the Yule Ball

14) When Death-Eaters are attacking Hogsmeade, I shall not point at the Dark Mark and shout "To the Bat Moblie, Robin!"

15) When a class-mate falls asleep, I shall not take advantage of the fact and draw a Dark Mark on his arm.

16) It's not necessary for me to yell "BURN!" every time Snape takes house points from Gryffindor

17) Any resemblance between Dementors and Nazgul is simply coincidental

18) I will not call the Defense Against the Dark Arts teacher Kenny. Even if he is wearing an orange anorak

19) I will not refer to the Weasley Twins as "bookends"

20) I will ont dress up in a Dementor's suit and use a dustbuster on Harry's lips to make him do what I want.

21) I will not scare the Arithmancy students with my Calculus book.

22) I will not hold my wand in the air before I casting spells shouting "I got the power!"

23) I will not tell Sir Cadogan that the Knights who say Ni have challenged him to a duel and then have students yell "Ni!" from various directions.

24) I am not Xena: Warrior Princess and I shall not use war cries to signal my entrance when I enter a classroom

25) Its not necessary for me to yell "Bam!" everytime I apparate.

26) I will not steal Griffyndor's sword from Dumbledore's office and use it to patrol the hallway.

27) I am not allowed to sing my own personal spy music when wandering the halls.

28) "To conquer the earth with flying monkeys" is not an appropriate career choice.

29) I am not allowed to begin Herbology class by singing the theme song to "Attack of the Killer Tomatoes"

30) I am not allowed to paint the house elves blue and call them smurfs.

31) The Whomping Willow is not an Entwife

32) "Draco Malfoy, Take it up the Arse" is not an acceptable quidditch chant.

34) I am not Allowed to lock Harry Potter and Draco Malfoyin a closet to see if hot gay sex will occur.

34) It is a mad idea to tell Proffesor Mcgonagal that she takes herself too seriously

35) "Ya'll check this crap out!" is not an aprropriate way to announce that I am about to conduct an expirimental spell.

36) I will not say the phrase "Dude, get a life" to Voldemort.

37) I will not offer to pose nude for Collin Creevy.

38) I am no longer allowed to use the words "pimp cane" in front of Draco Malfoy.

39) Should I chance to see a Death Eater wearing a white mask, I should not start singing anything from The Phantom of the Opera.

40) Dumbledore does not have "nakie time".

16 THINGS TO DO AT WAL-MART

1. Get 24 boxes of condoms and randomly put them in people's carts when they aren't looking.

2. Set all the alarm clocks in Electronics to go off at 5-minute intervals.

3. Make a trail of tomato juice on the floor leading to the rest rooms.

4. Walk up to an employee and tell him/her in an official tone,
" 'Code 3' in housewares"... and see what happens.

5. Go the Service Desk and ask to put a bag of M&M's on lay away.

6. Move a 'CAUTION - WET FLOOR' sign to a carpeted area.

7. Set up a tent in the camping department and tell other shoppers you'll invite them in if they'll bring pillows from the bedding department.

8. When a clerk asks if they can help you, begin to cry and ask,
"Why can't you people just leave me alone?"

9. Look right into the security camera & use it as a mirror, and pick your nose.

10. While handling guns in the hunting department, ask the clerk if he knows where the anti - depressants are.

11. Dart around the store suspiciously loudly humming the "Mission Impossible" theme.

12. In the auto department, practice your "Madonna look" using different size funnels.

13. Hide in a clothing rack and when people browse through,
say "PICK ME!" "PICK ME!"

14. When an announcement comes over the loud speaker, assume the fetal position and scream..
"NO! NO! It's those voices again!"

15. Go into a fitting room and shut the door and wait a while and then yell, very loudly, "There is no toilet paper in here!

16. Get several bouncy balls and throw them down an aisle shouting "pikachu, I choose you!"

I'd like to say to everyone that you have to go read my friend Shelby's AWESOME fanfic. It's called Scarier than a family of Vampires. Her Penname is Starbell.

Here's the link to her first story:

http://www.fanfiction.net/s/3906068/1/Scarier_than_a_Family_of_Vampires

Seriously, It is awesome. Go read it.

Keep an eye out for my personal fave parts, Barnaby and Larry.
Hahaha. You might even see me... you never know... :D My name is Myia... in case you were wondering (chapters 20-22!)

LMAO S.T.A.R.!

Scarier than a Family of Vampires, now has a sequel! Its called Arrilian Island. If you've read the link above, then go to Starbell's profile and read it :D

Also, she has another story up called Bittersweet. It is also MAGNIFICENT. Go read it, seriously.

Also, please go to my friend Bella's (a.k.a Chanelle) profile - her penname is Madeline D. Barrie. she has a C2 called The Kings and Queens of The Lion's Court dedicated to the wonderful books in the Chronicles of Narnia series, and she has some AMAZING stories in it. She's also working on one with me beta-ing/co-writing it for/with her, that is pretty good. she is hoping to post it soon, so check it out!

Anyways, I hope you enjoy!

~Rainy Day In The Pines

P.S.

Spetember 2009

I would like to inform everyone that I am putting my stories on Hiatus temporarily. It seems that Grade 11 math is killing me... also, my muses ran away, though they may return... ro I may find ne ones when I get my Ravenclaw House Hat.

November 9th 2009

I AM CURRENTLY LOOKING FOR SOMEONE WHO CAN TRANSLATE ENGLISH TO RUSSIAN FOR A STORY ME. IF YOU ARE INTERESTED, PLEASE CONTACT ME VIA ONE OF THE WAYS LOCATED NEAR THE TOP OF THIS PAGE.

THANK YOU!