I'm not as random as you think I moose.

Name:
Mia, Myia, Myia-kins, The Drama Llama... Crazy, loca...

Age:

I have finally given up on getting my Hogwarts letter (I though I will forever swear that the owl just got lost trying to find me).
Vampires? What, do I look like an Edward Cullen Fan girl? And besides, who wants to be stalked by some 100-something year old undead guy? Not me, thankyouverymuch. Nor do I want to go to some stupid wannabe vampire school. God vampires have been trivialized SO much these days... I blame Count Chocula. Seriously? What happened to good old Count Vlad and all that Jazz? Or maybe even Louis and Lestat? Anne Rice and Bram Stoker had the right ideas.
Werewolves... well it just sounds painful no matter how you look at it... Sorry Lupin my darling. You're my hero!
So my last options seem to include running off to become a pirate, which isn't a very safe profession now-a-days (Unless I went back in time with a time machine...), or... Maybe I'll go marry a Shinobi... bth options sound good to me.

Random:
Pickles suck.

Snow can die. Sorry Frosty.

Hobbies:
Manga/Anime/Books/Movies: NARUTO!!, One Piece, Soul Eater, Helsing, Kuroshitsuji, Rock Lee's Springtime of Youth, Fruit Basket, Bleach Shaman Kings, Harry Potter, Watership Down, The Princess Bride, The Tales of the Frog Princess, The Darkest Age, Dragon Rider, Ella Inchanted, The Guardians Of Ga'Hoole, A Great and Terrible Beauty, Inkheart, His Dark Materials, The Mortal Instruments, Dracula, Mercy Thompson, Alpha and Omega, and Temeraire. And many, many, many more.

Writing: Hence the reason I am here and on Fiction Press.

Art: My mother insists that I try to combine my writing skills and my love of drawing into one - becoming a children's author. She says I should write a childrens book, and draw the illustrations to go along with it. I don't think I could write a children's book.

Favourite Number: 13

Phobias: Clowns (I blame Stephen King), Blood, Spiders, Giant Squid, Lawn Gnomes (taking over the world - which they WILL), and Heights - and Aeroplanes. Crap.

So... currently living in Ecuador... Si. Me encanta Ecuador

You can find (if you have the patience to get this far in my profile...) me at:

Fiction Press: http://www.fictionpress.com/u/623302

Deviant Art: Metta~Myia - Accepting requests?

Most people are only alive because it is illegal to shoot them.

Two wrongs don't make a right, but three rights do make a left.

You laugh now, but will you be laughing when I crawl out from under your bed?

Smile. People wonder what you're up to.

Excuse me, what drug are you on (and where can I find some?).

I'm not insane. I take medication for a CHEMICAL IMBALANCE.

Don't follow in my footsteps, I run into walls.

Someday your prince charming will come. Mine just took a wrong turn, got lost and is too stubborn to ask for directions.

Why get high when there are so many other ways to achieve a smug sense of superiority? Sarcasm: My anti-drug.

The only difference between genius and stupidity is that genius has its limits.

I trip UP the stairs.

Remember, it takes 42 muscles in your face to frown, but it only takes 4 muscles to extend your arm and bitch-slap that mother fucker across the face. Pass it on.

Procrastinators UNITE!!... Tomorrow...

If you ever stop to wonder if you have insane mental problems, then it's already too late for you. It's sad, but true.

Oink. I'm a cow.

Strangers stab you in the heart, friends stab you in the back, but best friends stab you in the arm with a bendy straw.

Your planet called, they want their idiot back.

I play air guitar in an air band.

It's a beautiful day, now watch some asshole fuck it up.

When people don't laugh at our jokes, I don't think of it as a "You had to be there," thing. I think of it as a "You have to be clinically insane like us," thing.

I...I think I'm a dork.

I'm not so great at the advice thing...Can I interest you in a sarcastic comment??

National Sarcasm Society...Like We Need Your Support.

Oh, please. I don't turn heads, I fuckin' break necks!

Whoever said the nothing was impossible never tried slamming a revolving door.

Get real. If I'm lying wouldn't my pants be on fire?

Money can't buy happiness, but it can buy marsh mellows which are kinda like the same thing.

Never do anything you'd have to explain to the paramedics.

Feel better so I can guiltlessly make fun of you again.

It's not easy being me, but it's funny watching you try.

Reality continues to ruin my life.

I'm not always a dork. Sometimes I'm asleep.

Life isn't passing me by, it's trying to run me over.

Some see the glass as half empty. Others see the glass as half full. I really don't care which one it is; I just want to know who's drinking my coffee.

It doesn't count if you don't get caught.

There may be plenty of fish in the sea, but who really wants to date a fish??

I'm great in bed, I can sleep for days.

That's the problem with today. You never know if someone's crazy or if they have one of those phone headset things on.

Bombing for peace is like fucking for virginity.

Without 'ME' you're just 'AWESO.'

My opinions may have changed, but not the fact that I'm right.

Yes, I am insane, but every now and then I have these horrible periods of boredom where I have to be normal like you.

I know I came into this room for a reason...

We're all going to die...but I got a helmet.

Heavily medicated for your safety.

If it weren't for physics and law enforcement, I'd be unstoppable.

An intellectual is a person who has discovered something more interesting than sex.

I know Kung-Fu, Karate, Tai Kwon Do and 47 other dangerous words.

I have discovered that I often visit the state of confusion and I know my way around pretty well.

I am a large man with a very big hat. This means I am in charge.

When a boy tells you to suck it, just smile and say, "Sorry, my mother told me never to put small things in my mouth."

If the house was burning down, my friends and I would be sitting around making s'mores and hitting on the firemen.

My day isn't complete until I have freaked out a complete stranger.

Hi, I am a polymorphic alien and I have taken the shape of a Display Icon to have sex with your pupils, and judging by the smile on your face, I can tell that you're enjoying it.

People are like slinkies: completely useless but so entertaining to watch fall down the stairs.

I'm trying to see things from your point of view, but I just can't get my head that far up my ass.

I know that I'm not perfect, but I'm so close it scares me.

I'm surrounded by fucking idiots.

Lord, grant my the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can and the wisdom to bury the bodies of all the people I've killed because they pissed me off.

A: It's time for plan B.

B: We have a plan B?

A: No, but it's time for one.

A2: Alright then, do you have a plan of escape?

B2: Run.

A2: Anything more detailed??

B2: Run quickly.

Pardon me while I burst into song.

Wow, that was the most amazing awkward silence ever.

With this rock, I shall rule the world!!

And the Lord said, "Let's blow shit up!!"

Turks: Fuckin' your shit up in style.

In the beginning there was nothing but God, and it was dark, so God said, "Let there be light!" and there was light. There was still nothing, but at least everyone could see.

We're adults. WHEN DID THAT HAPPEN!? HOW DO YOU MAKE IT STOP?!

Shit happens; mostly to me, so don't worry.

I don't think you act stupid. I think its the real deal.

We specialize in the accurate interpretation of your pathetically unclear and dismally vague description of what you think you want.

No, I'm an angel honest. The horns are just there to keep my halo strait.

I am NOT in denial. I'm simply substituting your reality with my own. Any connection between your reality and my own is purely coincidental.

I'm not ignoring you...You're just insignificant.

Do one brave thing today...Then run like hell!!

Do you think I'm dumb? Good. That way you'll be shocked when I kill you, and you'll feel like an idiot for the rest of your life.

Sex on TV can't hurt unless you fall off.

Roses are red. Violets are blue. The gods made me beautiful. What happened to you??

I am not the girl your mother warned you about. Your mom didn't have this much imagination.

Sorry I missed Church. I was busy practicing witchcraft and becoming a lesbian.

They don't know we know they know we know.

My friends are the type of people that would spend hours trying to drown a gold fish...but I love 'em anyway.

Of course I'm talking to myself. Who else can I trust?

Nothing's more discouraging than unappreciated sarcasm.

Don't follow me. I'm lost, too.

You're just jealous 'cause the voices only talk to me.

Messed up in more ways than you know.

May the fleas of a thousand camels infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day, and may their arms be too short to scratch. SO MOTE IT BE!

Why is it called tourist season if we can't shoot them??

I'm not a bitch. I just don't like you.

A clean house is the sign of a wasted life.

I make nerds look cute.

The whole world wants what I'm on.

Jesus may love you, but everyone else thinks you're an asshole.

Why is there sooo much stupid??

Sorry, I don't speak your crazy moon language.

I have not yet even begun to procrastinate.

There's no such thing as too much melodrama.

I don't care what you're doing so much as the idiotic way you're doing it.

It should be illegal to be this sexy.

OMG!!...I'm a piece of toast!! I just thought you should know...

Homework is not an option. My bed is sending out serious nap waves. I can't help myself.

I used to be normal until I met those losers I call my best friends.

I'm sick of following my dreams. I'm just gonna ask them where they're goin' and hook up with them later.

HELLO My Name Is: Ummm...Good question.

Oops! Did my sarcasm hurt your feelings? Get over it.

Never piss off a monkey with a sword.

Life is like a pack of gum; I have yet to figure out why.

Why, yes. I do use my hairbrush as a microphone and dance around in my underwear, thank you very much.

I don't know what my problem is, but I do know its hard to pronounce.

We're all pretty bizarre. Some are just better at showing it.

I'm smiling because they haven't found the bodies yet.

I'm not short. I'm just unusually not tall.

Cheers to another awkward moment!!

Just be yourself. If people don't like it, well, fuck them!!

Sometimes I wonder, "Why is that Frisbee getting bigger?" Then it hits me.

Last night I was laying in bed with my friend and I asked her, "What do you see when you look at the stars?" She said, " I see a universe just waiting to be discovered. I see the beauty of nature at work. What do you see?" I said," I see that someone tore off my roof."

It's not denial. I'm just very selective about the reality I choose to accept.

Do you remember when Pluto was a planet?? Yeah, those were the days...

Hey, you. Yeah, you. No, not you...That other guy. You, right there. Yes! You! Do you like tacos?

We're having hot lesbian sex, and by lesbian sex I mean cookies, but it's still hot.

If idiots could fly, this place would be an airport.

A friend would lend you her umbrella in the rain, but a best friend would take yours and say, "Run, bitch, run!!"

I pinky promise that when we're old ladies we'll still be best friends chasing each other around the nursing home on our motor scooters.

Keep talking about me; you're making me famous.

Tell your pants that its not polite to point.

If you can't laugh at yourself, I'd be happy to do it for you.

The pen is mightier than the sword; no-one expects you to attack them with a pen.

All is fair in love and war, but that's because there's no rules.

The early bird gets the worm, but the one that sleeps late gets the pancake brunch at the local diner.

Those who forget history are doomed to repeat it, but it's highly unlikely that they'll notice.

I didn't forget your birthday...I just didn't remember on time.

One of life's many mysteries is why a 2 pound box of candy can make a woman gain 5 pounds.

I can only please one person per day. Today is not your day...Tomorrow is not looking so good for you either.

Why can't all of life's problems hit us when we're teenagers and know everything?

I could never find another man like you...Hell, half the time I can't even find where I parked the car.

There are two theories about arguing with women. Neither of them work.

No matter what happens, we have each other. If we can overcome that handicap then we can overcome anything.

If you're not my enemy, you're collateral damage.

Dieing is for people who have morals.

World peace cannot be attained until everyone one Earth is dead.

Life is a race. I'll give you a head start...

One's level of competence is often determined by one's mood at the moment.

Ignorance may be bliss, but it can make rude statements come out of people's mouths from time to time.

Falling down is easy, its the getting up part that's hard.

Great minds think alike...Insane minds think alike in reverse.

He who allows his eyes to wander shall soon loose them.

Hearts are too delicate to be worn on sleeves.

Fear is like air; empty, everywhere and difficult to be rid of.

Knowledge is power, but stupidity is easier to come by.

Why is common sense so uncommon?

What is easily attained is often worthless.

Do not fear tripping over little stones; it's the falling off of that cliff that leaves a mark.

Call a dog and he comes to you; call a cat and get the answering machine.

Live in fear, die in fear; live courageously and invest in a good pair of running shoes.

Morals are tricky. Those are the little voices in your head that tell you what you just did was a stupid idea after you've gotten away with it.

Why is it that nobody wants to take the blame but they're all eager to give it to you?

Those who feast form another's plate shall return to find their own empty.

If everyone feared the unknown, then nothing would be known.

The grass is not always greener on the other side. Sometimes it's a nasty, crusty, brown color, but that just depends on here you live.

Some people think that the definition of a best friend is someone that you can share your secrets with and someone that has a lot in common with you. My definition of a best friend is someone that knows you act like a retard in public and still chooses to be seen with you.

I know I'm in my own little world, but it's ok; they know me here.

Don't knock on death's door; ring the doorbell and run. He hates that.

I see lots of things...Just not your point.

I wish my homework was asexual so it would do itself.

I wish you were my math homework. If you were, you'd be hard and I'd be doing you on a desk.

Life is random; so am I.

Son of a batch of cookies!!

You laugh, I laugh. You cry, I cry. You jump off a bridge, I laugh, grab a boat, and save your stupid ass.

Friends are like bras; close to your heart and always there for support.

A friend is someone who will give you your chips back. A best friend would attack you like an animal then say, "Ha, ha. I WIN!!"

A best friend is someone that will scream, "EWE, NO I WILL NOT MAKE OUT WITH YOU IN PUBLIC!!" and not care if everyone thinks you're lesbians.

LOGIC, mother-fucker! LOGIC!! DO YOU SPEAK IT??

I'm not short. I'm travel sized for your convenience.

I speak whale.

Productivity is for the boring.

Knowledge is power and power corrupts. Study hard; be evil.

...-amazed- I think...you're breaking my GAYDAR...

Sodium Chloride...-silence-...It's salt you moron.

People are gonna disappoint you...I get that...In fact, I kinda expect that.

Losing faith in humanity one person at a time.

Sex is not the answer. Sex is the question; yes is the answer.

I may not be perfect, but parts of me are pretty awesome.

I don't bite...unless you're into that sort of thing...

People like you are the reason we have middle fingers.

You're a special kind of stupid aren't you?

Nerd??...I call it Individuality.

One morning I shot an elephant in my pajamas...How he got into my pajamas I'll never know...

If your heart were broken, you'd be dead.

Evil needs candy too!

I do have super powers. I just don't wanna show you.

If I give you this awesome box of nothing will you leave??

We live in an age were pizza gets to your house faster then the police do.

...Oh...This is awkward...

Look!!-holds out flower- I killed it for you.

Hahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha...NO!!

I was the kid that was very disappointed when my Hogwarts acceptance letter didn't come in the mail.

If I promise not to kill you, can I have a hug??

When life gives you lemons, make grape juice and let the rest of the world wonder how you got it.

You have the right to swing first. However, if you choose to swing first, any move you make can and will be used as an excuse to beat the shit out of you. You have the right to have a doctor and a priest present. If you cannot afford a doctor or are not presently attending a church of your choice, one will be appointed to you. Do you understand what I just told you, Asshole??

My brain went on vacation without me.

Dear Heart; I fell for a boy- so good luck.

You. Off my planet. NOW!!

I'm allergic to stupid.

I'll kill him. I'll kill him dead; like with a rock...or something.

IN THE NAME OF GAY I WILL PUNISH YOU!!

I once gave up anime; it was the most terrifying weekend of my life.

Fade away into...school induced slumber.

You are Stupid and therefore wrong.

Mmmmm, coffee...caffeine...

I am up to something. Thanks for noticing.

CRAZY is an understatement.

I am small, cute, and I have really big eyes. Please don't hurt me.

I'm sneaky...Like a ninja.

I will kill you until you DIE from it!!

Your stupidity causes me pain.

I can do whatever I want; I'm eccentric.

Plotting someone else's life is just what I'm best at...Besides...I'm bored.

It's at times like this I see why I need to make a list of people who need to die.

When I die; bury me upside down so the rest of the world can kiss my ass.

I believe that 'Die, Bitch!!' conveys my feelings accurately.

Hard work never killed anyone, but why take chances??

Bravo. You really do know how to make a complete ass of yourself.

You are NOT a beautiful and unique snowflake. You are made of the same decaying organic matter as everyone else.

When all else fails; blow shit up.

I'm cocky because you suck.

My mind has been officially corrupted.

The devil may care, but I don't.

I am NOT running away. I'm regrouping.

I smile because I have no idea what's going on.

It's better to have loved and lost than to be hit by an eighteen wheeler and dragged five miles.

I find your lack of pants disturbing.

Arms are for hugging, boys are for kissing, sluts are for dissing and best friends are for when the boy is kissing the slut and all you really need is a hug.

Life is short; so am I.

I'm not short; I'm fun-sized!!

HELLO!! I see the assassins have failed.

I used to think that you were a moron. Now I have a much lower opinion of you.

What the French Toast?!

SPOILER: Light has the Death Note... Didn't see that one coming, did ya??

I may be as short as an M&M, but I'm as sweet as one too.

Everyone has a wild side, but my friends and I just prefer to make ours public.

I'm not immature. I just know how to have fun.

I'm not retarded; I just like licking windows.

A friend will help you up when you fall; a best friend will help you up, trip you again and say, " Walk much??"

A friend will laugh at you when you act like a retard; a best friend would be trying to out-do you.

Ok. You wanna hear something funny?? Ok. This one time I fell...and it hurt!!

DON'T MESS WITH ME!! I gotta stick.

They keep saying that the right person will come along...I think a truck hit mine!!

Now come here so I can lick your face.

I am NOT random. I just have many THOUGHTS...Yeah.

Evil Minions; not always as useful as one would hope...

...I feel like being...A BANANA!!

Trust me; I'm a ninja.

If I say I'm sorry, am I still grounded??

Its me and you against he world...We attack at dawn.

If the world gives you lemons, you can make lemonade... or you can make a biologically engineered virulent air-born pathogenic virus that will wipe out the entire population of the planet, which would be a whole lot cooler.

Calling you stupid would be an insult to stupid people.

Christianity: the belief that some cosmic Jewish zombie can make you live forever if you symbolically eat his flesh and telepathically tell him that you accept him as your master, so he can remove an evil force from your soul that is present in humanity because a rib-woman was convinced by a talking snake to eat from a magical tree...It makes perfect sense...Yeah.

That's when I started breaking into people's houses. I didn't steal anything, but I did rearrange their furniture.

I enjoy corrupting America's youth; it's one of my hobbies.

Every time I go to the doctors, I get a jacket, a straight one. It makes me feel special 'cause I get to hug myself.

Let me know if I say anything that offends you. I may want to offend you again later.

I am the future of America. Be afraid, be very afraid.

I got kicked out of Borders for moving all of the Bibles to the fiction section.

I intend to live forever. So far, so good.

A black cat crossing your path signifies that the animal is going somewhere.

That's absurd...I love it.

Why?? Because I am adorable, that's why.

I will try being nicer if you try being smarter.

I am absolutely awesome. (Agree or die)

Friends are the gods way of apologizing for family.

Don't piss me off. I'm running out of places to hide the bodies.

Should you be thinking that hard without your helmet??

He was hit by a Dodge, which I find funny and ironic.

I think that you should just put a condom on your head 'cause if you're gonna act like a dick you might as well dress like one.

Shut the fuck up! GOOD GOD!!

Mirrors can't talk and lucky for you they can't laugh either.

Friends will always be like, "Well, you deserved better anyways!" but best friends will sleep over at your house and be with you when you two call him at 1 AM making chicken noises.

YOU GAY FAG!! HAHAHA I just called you a happy bundle of sticks!!

Adventures are better with back-up.

Best Friends: Because our parents wouldn't be able to handle us if we were sisters.

Sometimes I mix 'I can't believe its not butter' with butter to make 'I can't believe some of its butter.'

After a year in therapy my psychiatrist said to me, "Well, maybe life isn't for everyone."

Sarcasm helps keep you from telling people what you really think of them.

I'M NAKED!! (Under my clothes)

Don't fall down the Stairs...or up them for that matter.

...not to mention that I went crazy again today.

Snug as a cat in a sink.

What I'm looking for is some indication of a brain.

Catastrophe keeps us together.

...Pft...and people call me strange.

Sometimes its best not to question your friend, just help them dump the body bag into the river.

None of us are virgins. Life screws us all.

Just because I don't care doesn't mean I don't understand.

Don't take life so seriously; it isn't permanent.

Rest assured, no-one gives a damn what you think.

When you feel that nobody loves you, nobody cares for you, everyone is ignoring you, and people are jealous of you; you should really ask yourself...Am I too sexy??

Never go to bed angry...Stay up late and plot your revenge.

Be optimistic...Everyone you hate will eventually die!!

A friend will hand you your drink; a best friend will put it on the ground and make you bend over to get it.

I purposely create awkward moments because I think its funny.

If you can't dazzle the world with your knowledge then baffle them with your bullshit.

Moo, I'm a pig.

Stupid people make me sad.

My favorite thing about eating gummy bears is knowing that they can't fight back when you bite their heads off.

I don't need sex. Life fucks me whenever it can.

Face it: you love me.

Cute but...Kinda evil...

What's the point of wearing your favorite rocket ship underpants if NOBODY ever asks to see them??

There's something wrong with you. Really.

4 out of 3 people have trouble with fractions.

If money is the root of all evil, why do churches beg for it?

Ever stop to think...and forget to start up again??

Money talks; mine says, "Goodbye."

Buckle up!! It makes it harder for the aliens to suck you out of your car.

Seeing Sasuke making funny faces amuses me greatly.

I love dumb people; it's fun to watch them trip.

I will be sarcastic until further notice.

Sarcasm: Intellect on the offensive.

We don't wear your Abercrombie so why do you listen to our punk rock?

Too many people treat you like you're a kid, so you might as well act like one and throw their TV out of a window.

Will all of the sarcastic brainiacs please raise their hands.

YOU WIN AGAIN GRAVITY!!

Get any closer and I will eat you.

When all else fails...Read the instructions.

Aren't you a little out of place here...And everywhere else on Earth?

PA: Your Stupid

PB: ...Stupid What?

It's not that I'm Anti-Social, I just don't like you.

Eggs are really liquid chickens.

...No amount of therapy will ever make this ok...

Nervous breakdown in 3...2...1...

Stress, overwork and an early death here I come!!

I think, therefore I am confused.

Someday we'll look back at this, laugh nervously, and change the subject.

...and this is where I kick your ass in a dress!!

Anime: more addicting than watching a monkey on crack.

I'll just pretend to hug you until you get here.

You don't have to be psychotic, ruthless, disgruntled, a genius, and power hungry to try and conquer the world...but damn does it help.

Plan A: Kill them all...We don't have a Plan B yet.

You are so dead when I'm not NAKED!!

My whole problem is my lips move when i think.

Slower than a retarded snail lugging a retarded turtle through extra-crunchy peanut butter.

People like you are the reason people like me need medication.

Can you cover you face? It's hurting my eyes.

If a turtle looses his shell is he naked or homeless?

I hope you realize that often times we're the only ones who think we're funny...

No I won't go to hell...I've got a restraining order.

Anyone home?...No one's home. GOODBYE PANTS!!

If you're gonna be two faced, Sweetie, at least make one of them pretty.

This is when we look at each other from across the room and giggle until the teacher looks at us...Then we laugh our heads off.

Even if the voices are not real, they have pretty good ideas.

Don't flatter yourself, I was looking at your friend.

You either die a hero...or live long enough to be in the sequel.

If life is a play, then I would really like to speak to the people who wrote the script. There are major adjustments that need to be made.

P1: Are You INSANE?!

P2: Only on days that end with 'y.'

The Universe just loves proving me wrong, doesn't it?...THANK YOU UNIVERSE!!

I really don't mind that people think my group of friends is a cult.

WARNING!!: I have an extremely fucked up sense of humor.

You laugh because I'm a little different; I laugh because I rigged your house with explosives.

I knew it, I knew it!...Well, not in the sense of having the slightest idea, but in the sense that there was something that I didn't know.

Slinky + Escalator = Everlasting fun!

I spent a month there one night.

Pinatas promote violence against flamboyant animals.

It only seems like I'm a smart ass because I'm surrounded by a bunch of dumbasses.

You can't make a person love you...You can only stalk them and hope for the best.

Stress: When the body can no longer hold back the urge to strangle some asshole who really deserves it.

I may not look like much, but I'm a pro at pretending to be a ninja.

I try to take it one day at a time, but sometimes several days attack me at once.

If I got smart with you...how would you know?

All I want is peace, love, understanding and a chocolate bar bigger than my head.

People who think that pink is the new black have mental problems...or they're color blind.

We have just witnessed an act of what I like to call "misdirected rage;" it is also know as "being an ass."

A less perceptive person would think that I was insane.

Isn't it funny that when I tell you that I'm gonna rule the world you think I'm joking.

You know, just once I would like to meet an alien menace that wasn't immune to bullets.

Birthday (n): a day celebrating that day that you become another 365 days closer to your death.

A cat falls into a pool; a rooster laughs; moral of the story, a wet pussy makes a cock happy.

I'm the kind of person that walks into a door and apologizes.

Protons have mass? I didn't even know they were Catholic.

I was worshiping in gods house on Sunday; the one with no walls and the bright blue ceiling.

Pardon my French, but WTF are you talking about?

I did WHAT with WHO?!

I wish I could care...but I don't...

Fear my almighty Neji Kitty powers!!

Brain fried: Back in 5...

You think you have game?!...Take your pants off.

Beware of women with kunai.

I am the terror that lurks in your bathtub.

You'll meet an army of ONE, and that army will KICK YOUR ASS!!

Stupid weatherman...Sunny and clear my ass.

Ninja Ordinance 1: Although it is scary, I am not allowed to dress up as Orochimaru for Halloween.

Ninja Ordinance 3: When in battle, I will not ask my opponent to do the hokie pokie.

Motherfucker Duck-assed Emo Shit!! (a.k.a. Sasuke Uchiha)

Orochimaru! Sasuke's done! Should I turn the oven off?

Now, I generally don't really like to kill my friends, but one learns they have to be flexible in life.

Ramen is good. Veggies are not.

So many idiots; so little time to kill them.

Quick! TO THE SHININGAMIMOBLIE!!

I'm in your laundromat throwing bleach on your colors.

Chaos, panic and disorder...My work here is done.

Look!! -points- A distraction!!

No worries...It's just my brains...

Don't make me put this in my journal!!

My breasts and I are displeased.

Here's a bitch, there's a bitch and another little bitch. Grumpy bitch, emo bitch, bitch, bitch, GOD!!

You mean you wish to surrender to me? Very well, I accept.

Stand back! I have you surrounded!

What? I recorded it all for you.

I think i speak for everyone when I say BWAHAHAHAHAHA. Thank you.

We have come to impregnate your women.

Hey I'm back and I brought my bitch.

GO AWAY!! You're blocking my smart.

Evil? Me? What makes you think that?

Its been lovely, but I have to scream now.

Let's pretend I give a shit and leave it at that.

Being a well-adjusted, self-sufficient adult is highly over rated.

No coffee; no reality.

Tact is for people who aren't witty enough to be sarcastic.

Of course I forgive you! Now kiss my feet.

So, yeah, I guess the ENTIRE WORLD is out to get me. No, its cool.

There's sparkly shit everywhere!

COME BACK HERE YOU YELLOW BELLIED BASTARDS, I'LL GNAW YOUR LEGS OFF!!

Its shiny. By video game rules, it must be important.

Skool makes u soopur smart.

Its your fault nobody takes me seriously. You and your damned boobs!

...-group wtf moment-...

...ummm...(Just one of those moments you can't seem to explain)

Say anything about my lack of hair and I will beat you with this stick.

P1: I have nothing to give you except my heart.

P2: Eww, keep your organs to yourself.

Attempted the absurd; achieved the impossible.

Shut up. When I want your opinion, you'll be dead.

When in doubt, mumble.

Insane? That's putting it lightly, but thanks for the compliment.

Well, I think boys are stupid.

Professional Panda; DO NOT TRY THIS AT HOME.

See the kitty. Pet the kitty. Fear the kitty.

When in doubt: F=ma

Just because you're stuck in a tin can doesn't mean you can't be cute.

Here I am, all stressed out and no one to choke...

Be vewy, vewy qwiet. I'm hunting forw State Alchemists.

You keep talking and all I hear is 'Blah, blah, blah, blah, blah.'

Hello, God's busy. How may I help you?

...Oh, yeah! My daddy kills people in the wine cellar all the time.

Do Not Disturb: Plotting

GIVE ME COFFEE AND NOBODY DIES!!

When I snap, you'll be the first to go.

WAHHHH!! I NEED AN ADULT!!

I'm the CURSED FARMER...I mean, I'm the CURSED ARMOR.

JHOHOSDFOIHOEBNU- Excuse me, I'm mid-rant. I'll be with you shortly-HHINIBIDSUCBGIUGDPVAUDEGF.

Stay still so I can hit you.

Shhh...I'm being all sneaky like.

A wicked mind is the ultimate weapon of mass destruction.

Of all the Alphonse Elrics in the world; you are the Alphonse Elric-iest.

Do I look like a fucking people person?

Why isn't the number 11 pronounced 'onety one'?

I'm not stalking you; I'm doing research.

Always borrow money from pessimists; they'll never expect it back.

Whenever I find the key to success, someone goes and changes the lock...

I like poetry, long walks on the beach and poking dead things with sticks.

When nothing goes right, turn left.

I stopped fighting my inner demons; we're on the same side now.

The easiest way to find something lost around the house is to buy a replacement.

Junk is something you throw away three weeks before you need it.

There are no new sins; the old ones just get more publicity.

Forgive me father for I have sinned; I poked a badger with a spoon...

Pessimism is great; one is either always right or pleasantly surprised.

A computer once beat me a chess, but it was no match for me at kick-boxing.

Having the love of your life break up with you and saying 'we can still be friends' is like having your dog die and having you mom say you can still keep it.

Ever notice how the people that tell you to calm down are the people who got you mad in the first place?

One summer evening during a thunderstorm a mother was tucking her son into bed. She was about to turn off the light when he asked with a little tremor in his voice, "Mommy, will you sleep with me tonight?" The mother smiled and gave him a reassuring hug. "I can't, dear," she said. "I have to sleep in daddy's room." A long silence was broken at last by his shaky little voice: "The big sissy."

What would happen if you put a humidifier and a dehumidifier in the same room?

Mmmm...Nope. Even from this angle you're still retarded.

Dear God, so far today, I've done OK. I haven't gossiped or lost my temper. I haven't been greedy, crabby, nasty, overindulgent, selfish, bitchy or mean, and I'm very grateful for that, but, dear God, in a couple of minutes here, I'm gonna be getting out of bed and I'm going to need a lot more help. Amen.

Never settle with words what you can settle with a flame thrower.

If at first you don't succeed, destroy all the evidence that you tried.

If at first you don't succeed, redefine success.

You know you've got the greatest friends when the only time they make you cry is when you're laughing too hard.

The prettiest dresses are worn to be taken off.

I hide my heartfelt concern for others with sarcasm and indifference.

Don't let your mind wander; its too small to be let out on its own.

Coach said I run like a girl; I told him that if he ran a little faster, he would too.

Our survival requires bold, decisive leadership, so, basically, we're screwed.

Its better to look stupid and keep your mouth shut than to open it and prove it.

I heard it was possible to grow up. I've just never met anybody who had managed it.

At least I have a positive attitude about my destructive habits.

Anger is a condition in which the mouth works faster than the mind.

You don't have the key to my heart anymore; I've changed the locks.

Most girls blend in. We prefer to make a scene. Who wants to be a cookie cutter shape anyway?

I'm not quiet; I'm plotting.

When you get caught looking at him, just remember, he was looking back.

I'm sick of having people who have near death experiences say, 'They saw the light!' Do you know what the first thing the paramedics do when they arrive on the scene? They shine a light in your eyes! It's not God. Its a fuckin' flashlight!

I'm not clumsy! The floor just hates me.

As you walk through this hectic world of ours, set aside a few minutes each day, that way when the end of the year rolls around, you have a few days saved up.

P1: Happiness is just around the corner! P2: Too bad the world is round...

If money doesn't grow on trees, why do banks have branches?

Why do alarm clocks 'go off' when they start making noise?

How did the 'Keep Off the Grass' sign get there in the first place?

There's nothing wrong with arguing with your self; its when you argue with yourself and lose that it gets weird.

I am a peaceful person that is filled with a violent rage.

I'm going to live life or die trying!

You know it's going to be a bad day when you jump out of bed and miss the floor.

Experience is something that you get AFTER you need it.

Hard work pays off in the future; laziness pays off now.

Why be difficult? With just a bit more effort, you could be impossible.

There are two types of pedestrians; the quick and the dead.

The buddy system is essential for survival; it gives the enemy something else to shoot at.

I like you. When the world is mine, your death shall be quick and painless.

The book store is the only evidence that people are still thinking.

I am on a quest to the deepest, darkest corners of my bedroom in search of what some would call a 'floor.' A long and difficult task awaits me. Wish me luck, my friends, for I may not return alive. (says, my sister)

I'm not paranoid...WHICH ONE OF MY ENEMIES TOLD YOU THAT??

Do not disturb; I'm disturbed enough already.

I was uncool before uncool was cool.

I am not anti-social; I just can't stand people.

This sentence cannot be seen by muggles.

The greener grass on the other side is probably only artificial turf.

This sentence is busy fucking another sentence of the same sex.

The tooth fairy teaches children that they can sell their body parts for money.

Smarter people have dirtier minds.

It's always darkest before dawn, so if you're going to steal your neighbor's newspaper, then that's the time to do it.

I don't argue with idiots; they drag you down to their level then beat you with years of experience.

A woman's sexual appetite is twice that of a man's; her sexual desire, four times; her intelligence, eight times.

One law in friendship: Never let your friend feel lonely...so disturb them as much a possible.

Good friends don't let you do stupid things...alone...

Why is a raven like a writing desk? (Because Poe wrote on both)

Yes, you're absolutely bonkers, but... all the best people are.

You're my most amazing, retarded friend.

...You've lost your muchness...

I love it when you call me weird...

Danger: The person beside you is stupid.

I am not as random as you think I moose.

I loathe the burning of books, but Twilight made a great bonfire.

I believe in you... (but I also believe in Big Foot, so I might just be crazy)...

Please don't annoy the writer. She may put you in a book and KILL YOU! (I've done it too. xD Please see my story "Because it had to happen" if you're a Naruto fan))

Where are we going and why am I in a hand basket?

Never underestimate the power of an extremely pissed off woman.

They say guns don't kill people, people kill people, but honestly I think guns have something to do with it because if someone just stood there and said "bang," I don't think many people would be dead...

Update: April 2011

Accepting requests (for Fan Fiction and Possibly Deviant Art)? Muse seems to leave me but my fingers are itching to do something...

"I prefer to be the type of dragon that eats you fair maidens and princesses."
"Oh, and why is that?"
"Thou art crunchy and taste good wit A1 sauce."

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I LOVE daysknight (-;- fish!) and nightwalker0 *insert pervy face* You guys kick theoretical ninja tushy!