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| Bluementrit |
Author has written 5 stories for Prince of Tennis, and Chronicles of Narnia. BLUEMENTRIT : Name:AyeLynne I love to: eat sweets... read books and fanfics... draw weird thingz?! watch anime... chat with my close friends... write stories... laugh... talk... I'm pretty sure I can't survive the whole day without talking... watch people do their things.. simple lng nmn ang ayaw ko... yun ay ang mga taong wlang gnawa kundi phirapan ang mga friends ko... un lng... 00000 isomeone tell you 00000 A philosopher teacher challenges a student. 00000 UP versus DLSULa Salle Student: Hahaha Tuition fee nyo, baon lang namen, ang poor nyo naman UP Student: Hahaha ano ngayon?? Final Exams nyo Seatwork lang namen!! 00000 Lottery WinnerSa States, isang Bikolano ang nanalo sa Lottery. Takbo agad siya sa Lottery Office para kunin ang ang pera. Lotto Official: No, Sir, Hindi po ganoon ang pag bayad namin. Sa umpisa, bibigyan ka namin ng 1 Million. Every year thereafter, Ibibigay namin sa iyo ang 1 Million. Bikolano: Kailangan ko na ang buong pera ngayon! Lotto Official: Talagang hindi pwedi dahil may kasulatan diyan sa likod ng ng ticket na hindi pwedi ang Lump Sum! Bikolano: Look, I want my money now! Pag hindi niyo ibibigay ang 20 million ngayon, mabuti pa, Ibalik niyo na sa akin ang 1.00 na puhunan ko sa ticket!! 00000 Nanay: Ang lakas mo kumain pero di ka mautusan. Ang kapal mo! BF : May ibibigay akong gift sa iyo, pero hulaan mo muna! (Sa loob ng Mall) JUDGE: Ano ba talaga nangyari? inspiring quote of the day: 00000 When we put our house up for sale, I stressed emphatically that my sons make their beds each morning. I left for work before they left for school, and I wanted to be sure that the house looked presentable when the agent showed it to prospective buyers. I was surprised and impressed that my 15-year-old son's bed was perfectly made each day. One night when I went into his room, I discovered his secret. He was fast asleep on the floor in his sleeping bag. 00000 ~~Joke Time~~ 00000 Pedro, an OfW received mails from his neighbors informing him that his wife was playing with fire. So he decided to go home and upon arrival went directly to the municipal judge to file an adultery case against his wife. Pedro: Honorable Judge, I came here to file a case against my infidel wife. Upon turning his back, Pedro released some bad air from his stomach and this did not pass without bothering the judge. Judge: Pedro, you farted inside my courthouse. That is very disrespectful. 00000 Pare1 : Pare bakit ang tanda mo na wala ka pa din GF? wala ka bang napupusuan? Pare2 : Pare manhid ka lang,manhid ka lang!! 00000 4 KINDS OF LOVE: 1. CHILDHOOD LOVE 4. TRUE LOVE... 00000 A father says to his eighteen year old daughter " You are too young to get married , please get married when you are older and wiser ! "...The years go past and at twenty four years of age she says to her father : " Now that I am older and wiser , I have decided not to marry ! " . 00000 .. 99 ka sa BUHAY ko. 95 ka sa PUSO ko.. dahil sayo, 75 ang Grade ko may BLANGKO pa ako!! wahahaha 00000 juanit0: ang gul0 ng buhay talaga! paeng: may gugul0 pa ba sa buhay k0? tignan m0, yung pinakasalan ko byudang may dalagitan anak, pinakasalan naman ni itay yung dalagita. edi lumalabas na nanay siya ngay0n at si itay anak k0. ang asawa k0 naman ay biyenan ni itay. nang mamagkaanak sila, ak0 ngay0n ang l0l0 ng kapatid k0?! 00000 GIRL: yellow isusuot ko, kaw? 00000 A young man looking to get married asked his friend. "Every woman I bring home to meet my parents, my mother doesn't like." 00000 Two words that Girls: "It's over" Guys: "I'm delayed" 00000 husband: when im nad at you..you never fight back? 00000 two mag shota nag break dhil sa boy.. Ruthless ribbed firehose fgclqysd evatron dh. 00000 Three men stand before St. Peter awaiting admission into Heaven. However, St. Peter has been informed that Heaven will only admit 33 of applicants today. The admissions standard: Who died the worst death? So, St. Peter takes each of the three men aside in turn and asks them about how they died. First man: "I'd been suspecting for a long time that my wife was cheating on me. I decided to come home early from work one afternoon and check to see if I could catch her in the act. When I got back to my apartment, I heard the water running. My wife was in the shower. I looked everywhere for the guy, but couldn't find anyone or any trace that he had been there. The last place I looked was out on the balcony. I found the bastard hanging from the edge, trying to get back in! So I started jumping up and down on his hands, and he yelled, but he didn't fall. So I ran inside and got a hammer, and crushed his fingers with it until he fell twenty-five floors screaming in agony. But the fall didn't kill the asshole. He landed in some bushes! So I dragged the refirgerator from the kitchen (it weighed about a ton), pulled it to the balcony, and hurled it over the edge. It landed right on the guy and killed him. But then I felt so horrible about what I had done, I went back into the bedroom and shot myself." St. Peter nodded slowly as the man recounted the story. Then, telling the first man to wait, he took the second aside. Second man: "I lived on the twenty-seventh floor of this apartment building. I had just purchased this book on morning exercises and was practicing them on my balcony, enjoying the sunshine, when I lost my balance and fell off the edge. Luckily, I only fell about two floors before grabbing another balcony and holding on for dear life. I was trying to pull myself up when this guy came running onto what must have been his balcony and started jumping up and down on my hands. I screamed in pain, but he seemed really irate. When he finally stopped, I tried to pull myself up again, but he came out with a hammer and smashed my fingers to a pulp! I fell, and I thought I was dead, but I landed in some bushes. I couldn't believe my second stroke of luck, but it didn't last. The last thing I saw was this enormous refrigerator falling from the building down on top of me and crushing me." St. Peter comforted the man, who seemed to have several broken bones. Then he told him to wait, and turned to the third man. Third man: "Picture this. You're hiding, naked, in a refrigerator..." 00000 SEVEN REASONS NOT TO MESS WITH CHILDREN: 1.) A little girl was talking to her teacher about whales. The teacher said it was physically impossible for a whale to swallow a human because even though it was a very large mammal its throat was very small. The little girl stated that Jonah was swallowed by a whale. Irritated, the teacher reiterated that a whale could not swallow a human; it was physically impossible. The little girl said, 'When I get to heaven I will ask Jonah'. The teacher asked, 'What if Jonah went to hell?' The little girl replied, 'Then you ask him'. 2.) A Kindergarten teacher was observing her classroom of children while they were drawing. She would occasionally walk around to see each child's work. As she got to one little girl who was working diligently, she asked what the drawing was. The girl replied, 'I'm drawing God.' The teacher paused and said, 'But no one knows what God looks like.' Without missing a beat, or looking up from her drawing, the girl replied, 'They will in a minute.' 3.) A Sunday school teacher was discussing the Ten Commandments with her five and six year olds. After explaining the commandment to 'honour' thy Father and thy Mother, she asked, 'Is there a commandment that teaches us how to treat our brothers and sisters?' Without missing a beat one little boy (the oldest of a family) answered, 'Thou shall not kill.' 4.) One day a little girl was sitting and watching her mother do the dishes at the kitchen sink. She suddenly noticed that her mother had several strands of white hair sticking out in contrast on her brunette head. She looked at her mother and inquisitively asked, 'Why are some of your hairs white, Mom?' Her mother replied, 'Well, every time that you do something wrong and make me cry or unhappy, one of my hairs turns white.' The little girl thought about this revelation for a while and then said, 'Momma, how come ALL of grandma's hairs are white?' 5.)The children had all been photographed, and the teacher was trying to persuade them each to buy a copy of the group picture. 'Just think how nice it will be to look at it when you are all grown up and say, 'There's Jennifer, she's a lawyer,' or 'That's Michael, He's a doctor.' A small voice at the back of the room rang out, 'And there's the teacher, she's dead.' 6.) A teacher was giving a lesson on the circulation of the blood. Trying to make the matter clearer, she said, 'Now, class, if I stood on my head, the blood, as you know, would run into it, and I would turn red in the face.' 'Yes,' the class said. 'Then why is it that while I am standing upright in the ordinary position the blood doesn't run into my feet?' A little fellow shouted, 7.) The children were lined up in the cafeteria of a Catholic elementary school for lunch. At the head of the table was a large pile of apples. The nun made a note, and posted on the apple tray: 'Take only ONE . God is watching.' Moving further along the lunch line, at the other end of the table was a large pile of chocolate chip cookies. A child had written a note, 'Take all you want. God is watching the apples.' 00000 Away ng magshota... Girl: Bwisit ka! Boy: Bwisit ka rin! Girl: Pangit ka! Boy pangit ka rin: Girl: Supot! Boy: Sorry na kxe!! 00000 STEWARDEES: Do you want a drink, sir? 00000 WHO'S GUILTY? 00000 COMMON FILIPINO MISTAKES: 1."ale, pbling colgate, ung closeup." 2."srado m pinto! La2bas ang aircon." 3."yaya,salubungn mo ung skulbus ni junior."- tama yan psagasa mo! 4."anak, 2mbi ka s ssakyan ha" 5."tnuka ako ng ahas"- man0k b ito? May tuka? 6."my tonsil aq" 7."my candy aq, yw m?" 8."2log kn?" 9."lowbat aq e" 00000 Promoting an office A psychotherapist was having a roaring business since he started from scratch. So much so that he could now afford to have a proper shop banner advertising his wares. So he told a kid to paint the sign board for him & put it above his shop entrance. But, instead of his business building up, it began to slacken. He had especially noticed the ladies shying away from his shop after reading the sign board. So he decided to check it out himself. Then he understood why ! The boy found a small wooden board so he had split the word into the 3 words : Psycho- 00000 Usapan ng dalawang bata... 00000 JOSE: Kumusta ang assignment? 00000 JUAN: Pare, noong mayaman pa kami, nagkakamay 00000 ROD: Bakit bad trip ka? 00000 God answered his prayers 00000 Guilty!The court hearing just started and already the dependant is off to a rough start. 00000 00000 NOEL: ipapangalan ko sa aking anak " LEON " baliktad ng Noel. 00000 MRS: sa palagay mo, mahal, ilang taon na ako? 00000 Pedro: Saan ka galing, p're? Berto: Sementeryo, libing ng byenan ko. Pedro: Bakit puro kalmot ang mukha at braso mo? Berto: Mahirap ilibing eh, lumalaban! 00000 > u wont beliv wat things 00000 A man and a woman who have never met before find themselves in the same sleeping carriage of a train. After the initial embarrassment they both go to sleep, the woman on the top bunk, the man on the lower. In the middle of the night the woman leans over, wakes the man and says, "I'm sorry to bother you, but I'm awfully cold and I was wondering if you could possibly get me another blanket." The man leans out and, with a glint in his eye, says, "I've got a better idea... just for tonight, let's pretend we're married." The woman thinks for a moment. "Why not," she giggles. "Great," he replies, "Get your own damn blanket!" 00000 things you don't want to hear during your own surgery: 00000 sa sabungan, walang entrance fee ang may dalang panabong. Si Juan para makalibre pumasok may dalang inahin. 00000 00000 GF: magaling! At sino tong baby na nagtext sayo? 00000 Doctors meeting A group of psychiatrists were attending a convention. Four of them decided to leave, and walked out together. One said to the other three, "People are always coming to us with their guilt and fears, but we have no one that we can go to when we have problems." The others agreed. Then one said, "Since we are all professionals, why don't we take some time right now to hear each other out?" The other three agreed. The first then confessed, "I have an uncontrollable desire to kill my patients." The second psychiatrist said, "I love expensive things and so I find ways to cheat my patients out of their money whenever I can so I can buy the things I want." The third followed with, "I'm involved with selling drugs and often get my patients to sell them for me." The fourth psychiatrist then confessed, "I know I'm not supposed to, but no matter how hard I try, I can't keep a secret..." 00000 Pare1: pare parang malalim ang iniisip mo! 00000 1 lasing nasalubong ang matabang babae na may kasamang aso Lasing: hoy, saan mo nakuha yang baboy? 00000 A lizard fell on a table. Genius: Oh! reptila scincidae; Kikay: Eew, lizard!; Astig: Shit, butiki!; Mataray: Shucks, butiks!; Mayaman: Yuck! Lacoste!; Mahirap: Pare, ulam! 00000 A scientist gets on a train to go to New York. His cabin also has a poor farmer in it. To pass the time the scientist decides to play a game with the guy. "I will ask you a question and if you get it wrong, you have to pay me one dollar. Then you ask me a question, and if I get it wrong, you get ten dollars. You ask me a question first." The farmer thinks for a while. "I know. What has three legs, takes ten hours to climb up a palm tree, and ten seconds to get back down?" The scientist is confused and thinks long and hard about the question. Finally, the train ride is coming to an end. As it pulls into the station, the scientist takes out ten dollars and gives it to the farmer. "I don''t know. What has three legs, takes ten hours to get up a palm tree and ten seconds to get back down?" The farmer takes the ten dollars and puts it into his pocket. He then takes out one dollar and hands it to the scientist. "I don''t know." 00000 > a priest lost a bird & asked during mass... 00000 A Pinoy, German and Pakistani get arrested in Saudi for drinking and were sentenced to get 20 lashes. Before getting whipped, the law enforcement’s top brass announces: “It’s my wife’s birthday and she asked me to allow you a wish.” The German said: “Please tie a pillow to my back.” His wish is granted but the pillow only lasts 10 lashes. He’s carried away bleeding. The Pakistani’s next. He requests two pillows on his back. It lasted only 15 lashes, the guy’s sent away whimpering. The Pinoy’s up. Before he could say anything, the coppers said to him: “You are from a beautiful country. For this, you get two wishes!” The Pinoy says, “In recognition to your kindness, my first wish is that you give me not 20, but 100 lashes.” “Not only are you an honorable man, you’re also very brave,” the top law men replied. “If that’s what you desire, so be it. What’s your second wish?” the Pinoy smiles and says, “Tie the Pakistani to my back.” 00000 sa 1 barko kailangan magbawas ng 3 tao dahil lulubog na ito 3 tao ang nag volunteer amerikano,hapon at pilipino amerikano;goodbye and thank you all sabay talon sa dagat 00000 tatay;(nagluluto)anak bumili ka nga ng 1 kilong baboy jan kanila aling patring 00000 A kid ask her pregnant mom, 00000 00000 Alitan ng Mag-asawa Isang gabi, nag away ang mag-asawa. Pag may konting alitan, hindi kikibuin ni Misis ang asawa ng mga ilang araw. Kinabukasan, maagang aalis ang Mister dahil may business trip. Dahil sa 'heavy sleeper' si Mister, palaging siyang ginigising ng Misis tuwing umaga. Ng pumunta ang Misis sa bathroom, nag lagay siya ng 'Note' sa tabi ng unan ni Misis: Please wake me up at 4:30 AM. Next day, 7:30 AM na ng magising ang lalaki. Galit na galit at hinanap ang asawa para pagalitan ng may nakita rin siyang 'Note' sa ibabaw ng Table Lamp. Ang Note: It's 4:30 AM, GISING NA! 00000 Maynila Tonyo: Pare, limang taon ako sa maynila pagdating ko sa cagayan de oro hindi ako marunong mag bisaya Tomas: Ngano man diay? Tonyo: Ambot ngano neh... 00000 LIFE'S CYCLE 3 to 8 yrs. old : Paramihan ng toys. 00000 COMPLETE VERSION Dad: Anak bili mo ko soft drinks 00000 Sa isang isla may kano, hapon, at pinoy... kano: (tinapon cellphone.) p: Syang nman bat mho tinapon. K: THERE'S A LOT OF CELL PHONE IN AMERICA. hAPON: (TINAPON ANG LAPTOP) P: sayng ba't mo tinapon. Hapon: there's a lot of laptop in Japan. P:(naku lagot mukhang wala kong matatapon) biglang dumating ang intsik.. P: (tinulak ang tsino) H&K: why did you throw him?! P: There's a lot of Chinese in the philippines! NGEK 00000 bOY: HON, BAKIT BAHO-BAHO MHO AT ANG DUMI DUMI MHO PHA. GIRL: Nakita mho bha yung imburnal dun sa may kanto? boy: oo naman bhakit? girl: pwes ako hindi! 00000 Kabayo habang nagkakape si mister,biglang binatukan ni misis. 00000 Tuksuhan Noon tuwing may ikinakasal lagi akong tinutukso ng lolo' t lola ko na "Uy siya ng ang susunod" Tumigil lang sila ng me inilibing at tinukso ko sila ng: "UY!! SILA NA ANG SUSUNOD!!" 00000 Dear Diary Diary entry ng desperadang PANGET . . . Dear Diary, Gosh, I’m so happy, nahuli kasi ako ng crush ko na nakatingin sa kanya! Then minura niya ako! Ang guwapo niya talaga! Last time, itinulak niya ako, dumugo ang nose ko kasi sinadya ko siyang banggain. Nakakakilig di ba? At least nagkadikit kami. Humingi nga siya sa akin ng picture eh! Wow, haba ng hair ko! Sabi kasi niya ipapasalvage niya ako. So sweet! At ang pinaka the best, nung sabihin niyang fuck you. Nalibugan ako, super. Tom ulit. 00000 May Kotse Ang Siota Ko? BF:Mahal.daan nalang kita maya sa bahay niyu bubusinahan nalang kita. 00000 Enge Money ANAK:Nanay,Hihingi sana aq ng 500. 00000 g: Break na tayo ayoko na sayo! B: eh di break akala mho ba makakahanap ka pa ng tulad ko? G: At feeling mo naman maghahanap ako ng kagaya mo! 00000 Husband Wanted There once was a lady who was tired of living 1) would treat her nicely Three weeks passed, and there was no reply from The woman replied, "Yes, but are you good in And the man said with a smirk on his face, "How 00000 pare1: Pare nahihirapan akong huminga. pare2: pare kung nahihirapan ka eh di itigil mo na. 00000 sa isang classroom... student: Ma'am tumutusok po ba ang utot? teacher: Hindi bakit? student: Naku lagot, tae na pala to! 00000 sa isang paaralan.. uwian na! teach: Class wag kayong uuwi hanggat wala kayong sundo. nag uwian na ang lahat pwere sa isa. teach: Juan dito ka lng ha, ppunta lang ako sa faculty room. makalipas ang isang oras... dumating si juan na hihingal-hingal sa loob ng classroom. Teach: Juan di ba sabi ko sayo huwag kang uuwi o aalis man lang. Juan: kaya nga pho umuwi ako para sunduin yung sundo ko, para makauwi na akho; sige ma'am bye-bye! NGEK! 00000 Sa isang prom night... boy: gusto mo bang sumayaw? girl: oo naman. (sabay tayo) boy: sige sayaw kana doon hiramin ko lng tong chair mo eh!" 00000 Isang lola naghubad sa kwarto nakita ni lolo... lolo: anho ba yang damit mo lukot-lukot. lola: syempre dahil ang dapat SKIN PHA LANG DAMIT NHA! 0000 Mom: where are you? It's already 10 in the evening! Son: Mom I'm here in the hospital. Mom: What! why? what happened? are you okay? Son: Mom NURSE kaya ako! kalog ka ba! 0000 one day piglet stared at pooh. Pooh: why are you looking at me like that? Piglet: kase ang taba mo dapat ikaw si Piglet! 0000 Isang araw nadapa si junior at nagkaroon ng malaking sugat, ngunit hindi umiyak. Dad: Lalaking lalaki talaga itong si Junior ko! tingnan mo hindi umiiyak. Junior: Siyempre papa, Big GIRLS don't cry. 0000 Kung Iisipin mho nga naman lahat tayo gustong mapunta sa langit... pero walang gustong mauna! (ngek!) 0000 sabi ng puso kho mahal ko siya.. Sabi ng utak kho mali.. Sabi kho naman.. Oh baka naman yung bituka, kidney at atay kho gusto rhing mag-comment.. Nangenge-elam eh! 0000 Gustho mho bang kumita ng 155,000 every month.. Akho rhin eh! 0000 A boy noticed a girl staring at him.. B: why are you looking at me like that? G:It's funny you look like my 14th boyfriend. B:Really? How many boyfriend have you had? G: 13. (Getz nio?) 0000 Rapunzel, Snow white, Cinderella, Sleeping beauty. All this women live happily ever after.. until.. They Discovered they're all married to the same man... Prince Charming 0000 (This joke is dedicated to all flamers) Flamer: Well... are you sure that I can flame you again? I mean, this fanfiction is pretty much a bad egg through and through. I don't know if you MUST have three Sakuno's. :( Anyways, lets get on to the meat of the matter. They're good at tennis, they are probably going to be paired up with the MAIN characters, and are they the hottest girls around campus? Maybe... I'm not sure-- but THEY'RE MARY SUES! AGH, MY EYES! GOD CHRIST ALMIGHTY, HAVE MERCY ON MY EYES! Yeah, well you DID ask for it. Why are your stories all capital letters? Some gaudy way to show it? Or are you that desperate for reviews? :) Me: Is that a Flame? Pa-cheese burger kha naman O! Burger! burger Check this out... I cdnuolt blveiee taht I cluod aulaclty uesdnatnrd waht I was rdanieg. The phaonmneal pweor of the hmuan mnid. Aoccdrnig to a rscheearch at Cmabrigde Uinervtisy, it deosn't mttaer in waht oredr the ltteers in a wrod are, the olny iprmoatnt tihng is taht the frist and lsat ltteer be in the rghit pclae. The rset can be a taotl mses and you can sitll raed it wouthit a porbelm. Tihs is bcuseae the huamn mnid deos not raed ervey lteter by istlef, but the wrod as a wlohe. Amzanig huh? Yaeh and I awlyas thought slpeling was ipmorantt! tahts so cool! If you could read that put it in your profile | |||||||
1. It's Winter Again » reviewsWinter, the season when Ryoma asked her to be his girlfriend, winter, when Ry0ma broke her heart into million of pieces. And now it's winter again, will she be able to be Ryoma's girlfriend again? Or just move on and be with Fuji?Prince of Tennis - Rated: K - English - Hurt/Comfort/Romance - Chapters: 3 - Words: 3,754 - Reviews: 15 - Updated: 11-25-10 - Published: 4-14-10 - E. Ryoma & R. Sakuno2. The Magnificent and The Gentle reviewsOne Shot: Now, Peter understand why he can't choose any King for her Susan. Thanks to Edmund's good council. but could he tell Susan about what he feels. sorry for the lame summary. Peter.x.Susan pairing... warning: Incest!Chronicles of Narnia - Rated: K+ - English - Romance/Family - Chapters: 1 - Words: 2,467 - Reviews: 5 - Published: 4-16-09 - Peter Pevensie & Susan Pevensie - Complete3. The way Love plays reviewsNothing will hurt more than loving a person you can't have. RyoSakuFuji Read and Review minna.Prince of Tennis - Rated: T - English - Hurt/Comfort/Romance - Chapters: 1 - Words: 1,070 - Reviews: 9 - Published: 10-12-08 - E. Ryoma & R. Sakuno4. Untitled » reviewsShe should have been careful to her decisions in the first place. Some things are just irrevocable that could destroy someone in a blink of an eye. RyoSaku! READ AND REVIEW btw: thankz to aena-chan for the summaryPrince of Tennis - Rated: K+ - English - Hurt/Comfort/Romance - Chapters: 6 - Words: 5,192 - Reviews: 76 - Updated: 9-8-08 - Published: 4-10-08 - E. Ryoma & R. Sakuno5. Trip to villa spica:TALE OF THE LONELY GODDESS reviewsThe regulars together wITH tomo and Sakuno with their coach sumire will have a summer vacation at the Villa Spica where in a legend of a goddess is belief, will love blossom to sakuno and ryoma? R.R.Prince of Tennis - Rated: K+ - English - Romance/Fantasy - Chapters: 1 - Words: 1,093 - Reviews: 22 - Published: 3-3-08 - R. Sakuno & E. Ryoma
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