PenName: Artful Lounger(I have good and, I hope, original ideas and I am as lazy as hell)
Real Name: you wish
Age: betweeen zero and infinity
Hair color : brown
Eye color : dark green with flecks of crimson, weird I know
Nationality: British through and through baby!
Gender: Male
Sexuality: Hetero
My goals: My long term goals are a bit ambitious. Personally I want to eventually be known as a great author of fanfiction. I want people to think of me in the same terms they think of people like Dirty Reid, Uncle Joe, Mr.Lee, VFSNAKE, and those like them. I know its a bit amibitious, but I hope one day to be thought of as their equal.
I am a fan of just about every anime out there (non-yaoi) and I read a lot of books. I have no life, it's sad but true.
My personal favorite animes of all time (thus far) are: Bleach, Berserk, Elfen Lied, Blood Plus, Yu Yu Hakusho, Full Metal Alchemist, the Tenchi Muyo series (except for Tokyo), Death Note, One Piece, Ghost in the Shell, and ,to a lesser extent as of late, Naruto.
I am the definition of a night owl, most of my updates will be late at night or in the incredibly early morning, so don't expect anything in the middle of the day.
I recently completed a fic called Naruto the Chimera, which is what I started after I scrapped Blood Prophet once I realized that it was a bad idea. Have a look at it, it is a REAL evil Naruto story, not the normal broody emo type of story that you normally get when it says 'Evil Naruto'. It is now completed and the epilogue chapter has descriptions for the choices on what will be my next story, the winner of that was Kage no Naruto, which is listed below, warning, the ending of it sucks.
Here's just something I noticed, Naruto failed the Academy graduation exam twice, but he passed the third one because of the Mizuki incident. Now then, doesn't that mean that he is two years older than Shikamaru, Sakura, Sasuke, and the other Rookie 9? And one year older than Team Gai? Everyone keeps making him the same age as everyone else in the Rookie 9 even though it says he failed twice, it doesn't make sense! Unless they have him join the Academy at a young age, in that case you're alright. It's just something that's been bugging me.
My current stories:
1. Kage no Naruto-
This is a story where instead of leaving him to die, Kyuubi gives Naruto a defense, like Gaara. Not of sand or fire, but of shadows and darkness. Naruto basically has a ton of different shadow abilities from various animes, along with ones fresh out of my mind. Three examples are Gecko Moria's and Blackbeard's abilities from One Piece and Kido's abilities form Yu Yu Hakusho, though there are others. This is currently an evil Naruto story and the pairing is as follows: Naru/Harem (to find out the members you'll have to read the story), and everyone else can more or less go fuck themselves.
Current status- Main Project, quickly updated, and eternally awesome
Things I like in a fic :
A good plot
A good, well thought out timeline
Long chapters
Fast updates
Sasuke/Sakura/Kakashi bashing: they all deserve TONS of it
puppet-using naruto fics. Like with the NaruTayu pairing I don't know why I like it I just do.
YURI, I am a guy, what can I say?
Things I hate in a fic:
YAOI, it's EVERYWHERE on this site it's insane
long waits on updates for good fics
short chapters
fics that make no sense
good fics that are discontinued for no good reason, see 'Puppet Master Naruto' by Fettucini for a good example, I am STILL pissed off that he discontinued it for no real reason.
Anime filler arcs, the two exceptions being the filler arc in Naruto where they introduced Raiga, he was pretty cool, and the Bleach anime's Bount arc, I actually enjoyed it.
bad spelling/grammar SPELLCHECK PEOPLE!
cliff-hangers
many other things
pairings I like:
NaruHina, I don't care what anybody says, I like it
NaruTema
NaruAnko
Naru/femHaku
Naru/femKyuubi
Naru/Yugito, it just makes sense
NaruTayu (one of my favorites, but I don't know why, it's weird)
NaruTsu (provided it's done well, and there is something like time travel or her becoming young again or something like that.)
Naru/Harem
Pairings I HATE
Any yaoi pairing: it's just wrong I don't have anything against people who like/read/write it just don't flood the site with it like it already is, okay.
Asuma/Kurenai- I don't know why, but I really don't like this pairing for some reason
ShikaTema- Same with the one above. I don't know what exactly but I don't like this pairing at all, it just doesn't appeal to me for some reason.
SasuHina: I just can't see it happening, I mean have those two even SPOKEN to eachother? Seriously, how ANYONE could possibly think that these two could possibly get together in any sort of realistic, explainable fashion PLEASE tell me how, the chains of logic behind it would be fucking indescribable.
Sasuke/ANYONE; that stuck up prick deserves to be alone
Sakura/Anyone; see above, except replace "prick" with "bitch" and "stuck up" with "annoying"
NaruSaku: Jesus, I could go on all day about this one and not get tired. Reasons why any relationship between the two would not work:
1) She's a fucking Sasuke fangirl. It took Sasuke going at her with a chidori with intent to kill her to make her even think that Sasuke might not be a good romantic choice and she STILL goes after him, she just has a bit of doubt now.
2) How could anyone put up with her when she is THAT much of an insufferable bitch 24/7? If Naruto does even the slightest thing wrong, makes the slightest mistake, or does anything really, she hits the poor guy over the head. I swear to god Naruto could have been a fucking genius at the beginning of his academy years, but prolonged exposiure to Sakura and her fist would have turned him into the same fucking moron we all know today.
3) When it comes to looks, the only thing remotely appealing is her unique, somewhat, hair color and her eye color which I find somewhat appealing, but those are the only things that I like about her.
4) She is a fucking yaoi fangirl! She hides it pretty well, but what happened when Konohamaru did his little yaoi adaptation of the Oiroke no jutsu? She had a nosebleed and shouted YOU'RE A GENIUS! Are you telling me she's NOT a yaoi fangirl after that? Bullshit. If any guy finds a Sasuke obsessed, violent, loud, idiotic yaoi fangirl, please tell me, I like funny e-mails.
Hinata/any guy EXCEPT Naruto, no other guy matches with her in a pairing as far as I am concerned, especailly Kiba/Hina or Gaara/Hina. Who the hell could possibly make those realistically work? Well, maybe the Kiba/Hina could be explained if Naruto rejects her HARD or dies or something, but aside from that no other pairing has a shot in hell of being believably done without turning her OOC and making up a bunch of bullshit, no offence to those that like the pairings I mentioned.
One overused story type that I am sick of is the "Anti-hero Naruto" you know, the ones where Konoha finally gets rid of Naruto, he gets strong as hell, then Konoha asks for his help, then he gives it after a flashback with which the fault is clearly with Konoha, and goes back after a few chapters of soul searching, then acts all chummy with Konoha again, because "he's too noble" or "there are still precious people" or some overused plot device like that, it's old and dumb as hell, not to mention stupid/retarded.
This next example is taken from an authors note from one of my favorites: Once upon a Midnight Moon(read it, it kicks ass! if only he would update)
Situation: Konoha is under attack, they come to Naruto (whom they faulted for no reason) for help.
Anti-hero Naruto(the one I don't really like, unless it's written well like most of them AREN'T): goes on a rant, flashback, then goes back after a few chapters of soul searching because of some overused plot device.
The sort of Naruto I like and have written a fic with him like this, just to boost the numbers i.e. a REAL Evil Naruto, cold heartless and uncaring: agrees to help, then on the agreed upon date, sits on the Hokage monument and watches Konoha burn, laughing his ass off, then turns to his subordanates and orders them to help the invaders. Now a Naruto like THAT would make a pretty good fic, but sadly I have only seen one fic like that and it's mentioned above the "situation" line. I have finished writing one as such, see 'Naruto the Chimera' and am currently writing a far better one, see 'Kage no Naruto'.
Favorite quotes of all time (thus far)-
You're right, there is no reason to prove you exist, because very soon... you won't- Scar (FMA)
I KILL THEREFORE I AM!- Barry the Chopper (FMA)
A good compromise leaves everyone pissed off- ?
If you give a thousand monkeys a thousand typewriters and let them work for a thousand years, you'll get Shakespeare. If you give one monkey a pen, give him five minutes, and then shoot him, the reflexes of his hand twitching while dying will give you the average yaoi story on Fanfiction.net- Evilshroom
Time for plan get the fuck out of here- Lanipator (Yu Yu Hakusho abridged)
You can't end a good party without someone on the floor- Yusuke Urameshi (Yu Yu Hakusho)
'Hey how about a handicap?' "Is that another word for coffin?" (Blasts him through a wall)- Broly
I want to be young and wild, then I want to be middle-aged and rich, and then I want to be old and annoy people by pretending that I'm deaf- Blackadder the Third
Fuego! Pyrofuego! BURN YOU GREASY BAT-FACED MOTHERFUCKERS! BURN!!- Harry Dresden (The Dresden Files, book three)
Shut your hole woman! My decision is final!- Laharl (Disgaea 2)
No, that sir was merely an introduction, an appetizer to my main course of pain- Souketsu (Yu Yu Hakusho)
Naruto Rant-
MISASHI KISHI-FUCKING-MOTO IS FUCKING GAY! He had a good idea in creating Naruto, he IS a genius, I doubt that anyone could come up with half the shit that he has come up with but he has fucked it up so bad, I am expecting him to come out of the closet any day now. He has made both the Anime AND the Manga so Sasgay-centric that it's obvious that he is fucking gay for him. Honestly he is a fanboy among fanboys, his mouth is so far on Sasgay's tiny anime cock, it's not even funny, he is the fucking GOD of fanboys who lust after their own characters. Misashi- IF YOU ARE READING THIS, GET THE MANGA BACK ON TRACK, AND KILL SASUKE , THE PRICK DESERVES IT, REMEMBER THE TITLE IS NARUTO, NOT 'UCHIHA SASGAY GETS HIS DICK SUCKED BY THE AUTHOR!' WHICH IS WHAT YOU ARE TURNING IT INTO YOU GAY BASTARD!
You want PROOF that Kishimoto is gay? Fine. Okay, first or second episode, first or second chapter, early in the series, what happened between Naruto and Sasuke? They kissed. It was an accident between the two, sure, but it was no accident on Kishimoto's part. Then, more recently, in Shippuden, what did Konohamaru do? HE used a version of the Oiroke no Jutsu, that involved him turning into two naked men in a close position, specifically, Sasuke and Sai, OH GOD THE FLASHBACKS! Still, what straight man could POSSIBLY come up with shit like that? Not to mention all the yaoi fanfiction that was spawned in the sick minds of fangirls thanks to those two moments in history.
He also completely side-lined Naruto, and killed off Jiraiya. WHAT THE HELL! I can agree that it was an impressive fight and we got a lot of insight into his character but still. Then we have the issue behind Naruto's heritage and namesake. He was named after a fucking ramen topping just because he was the main character in Jiraiya's first book who nobody knows about because it sucked. Being named after a character in a dead end book huh? Good idea Minato!
There's also the matter of Naruto beind the Yondaime's son. Who didn't see this coming for about a year or so anyway? Still though, not telling the guy is stupid as hell. To this day, the canon Naruto does not know who his parents are. Why is that? To protect him from the Yondaime's enemies? BULLSHIT! Sure the guy may be one of the biggest idiots in anime but he wouldn't go shouting who his father was from the rooftops in Iwa would he? honestly just tell the little bastard to keep his mouth shut about it afterward or something, don't just leave him in the dark about such information. They act like just him knowing will paint a bullseye on him or something. It's bullshit.
Then he turned Itachi INTO A GOOD GUY AND KILLED HIM! WHAT THE FUCK! He not only killed the guy, he did the equivelent of pissing on his grave. He killed the image of one of his most awesome characters just after actually killing him. This is grade A bullshit in my opinion. I don't care what the canon says, Itachi is a bad guy and you can expect him to be an antagonist in most of my stories, if not all of them.
He had a very good and original idea, but he royally fucked it up when it came to the idea's execution.
Finally, pant pant MAN THAT FELT GOOD!
note: despite the fact that I used the word 'gay' as a derogatory term, I have nothing whatsoever against gay people.
note: I am very picky about what stories or authors get on my favorites or alerts so to get on there you have got to be pretty damn good, or there is something about it that I really like.
note: Anyone who reads this should check out the profile of a fellow author by the name of TheDon1023, his speculations and the other stuff he puts in his profile is actually pretty accurate.
I have seen other authors do this so I will give it a shot as well, my personal challenges to the fanfiction masses:
I have only got a few so far, but I would consider them unique and somewhat difficult, if you are going to accept one of these challenges you must PM me first to get my personal approval as well as giving me the name that the fic will go by, all stories in my challenge list must be rated-M and written to earn the rating, violence, sex, blood, whatever, as long as it EARNS the rating, and must be at least ten thousand words total, and those are the only stipulations.
note: 7/3/08- new challenge added
Naruto- Naruto as one of Diva's chevaliers from Blood+. Pairing would have to be Naruto/Diva, if any pairing at all.
.Hack//G.U.- It is a canon fact that Haseo and Sora from .HACK//SIGN are the same person in the real world. The challenge is to write a story where the guy's memories of being Sora in R:1 never vanished after the Morganna incident. Basically it would be Sora taking Haseo's place starting in ROOTS and continuing on to GU. It's bound to change things a lot since Sora was never one to join a group and is an infamous PK. This just popped into my head one day.
To all who wish to take any of these challenges: I salute you, and I hope you do well on them, if someone takes them I will show them as such and if you do than you must show that the fic was originally a challenge issued by me, that is all.
Good Luck!
note: I may add more challenges, so check back regularly
Naruto fanfics are overpopulated by yaoi, primarily NaruSasu. If you believe me put this in your profile.
Do you like Puppets? Do you just know deep down that Sasori could never have died? Then join the Puppet Association of Konoha! Just add your name to our member roster and post it in your profile to show your pride! changelingchild, crimsonchidori, SasukeSakuraXXxItachiSakura, Serena the Kitsune, Almores, Artful Lounger
If you believe that there aren't enough Tayuya pairings, put this in your profile and add your name to the list: Tergar of Konoha, Artful Lounger
I took that dragon quiz thing at Dragonhame.com and it turns out that my inner dragon is a Night Drake.
In the battle between good and evil your Dragon self is rotten with the stench of EVIL. When it comes to the powers of Chaos versus those of Law and Order, your inner dragon tends to do things by the book. As far as magical tendencies, Magical spells come as natural to the Night Drake as breath from its body. During combat situations, a true Night Drake prefers to defeat opponents by the use of spells and other tactics.
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