NOTE: I used to go by Ashes Falling, but I am now going by Cardio Necrosis. Get it? Ashes Falling, Cardio Necrosis--same person. Clark Kent, Superman--both douches. Gettin' the picture? Just in case it hasn't made it through your skull yet, here we go: Ashes Falling=Cardio Necrosis.

So, you've stumbled across my profile. Isn't that fantastic? Either you don't really care and are going to scroll through this page to get to the fics below, in which case it really doesn't matter what I say. Or maybe you're combing through this with a fine-toothed comb, trying to figure out just who this crazy "Cardio Necrosis" person is. Or, quite possibly, you're just looking for specific information. So, here you go. Onward, ho!

Personal Information

Real name: No Such Luck, Stalkers. (My parents were hippies.)

Age: I aM tOtAlLy LiEk OlD eNoUgH 4 U bAbEe!11!!111!!1!! Just kidding. As if I type like that. I don't see how age has any correlation with how good a fic is. I've read fics written by forty-year-olds that made me cringe and fics written by thirteen-year-olds that made me stare in amazement. The only reason anyone would be interested in my age is to a) point out that I can't write people older/younger than me worth shit, or b) to figure out whether or not lusting after me is considered paedophilia.

Physical appearance: Because we all know that writing talent derives from how sexy you are. Generally, this is used for people to compare how the physical appearance of an OC compares to that of the author. "Let's see . . . they have the same colour of hair, therefore it's a self-insert!" Or, I dunno, maybe you're just really shallow. Or curious. In that case, this is my general description. I am human. I have hair, and it sometimes changes colours--not in the Rainbow!Emotions sueified way--in the L'Oreal way. Yes, I dye my hair. So chances are, at one point in time, I had the same hair colour of an OC I'm writing. Dear God, you'd best get the flaming rods out now! Jk. I figure most people really aren't so vindictive they go around finding excuses to flame.

Location: If I say I'm from England, you will all nit-pick my American-isms, and ask if I'm posh or cockney . . . 'cause really, those are the only accents located in England anyway, right? --rolls eyes-- If I say I'm from America, you'll point out every time I don't use a Briticism, or use a term that is American. If I'm Candian, you'll expect me to say "eh" and "buddy" all the time. Not to mention long bouts of searching for treasure, so . . . I prefer to keep my location "Planet Earth." There really isn't any point in telling you guys where I'm from, so . . .

If you're grinding your teeth in anger 'cause of my vagueness, keep in mind the phrase: "Anonymity of the Internet."

Interest, Likes/Dislikes:

Since this is a fanfiction site, I'll just mention the stuff that's relevent 'cause I'll most likely be reading. I'm actually really quite closed-minded when it comes to fics--that means, if the 'ship or genre is not mentioned, I WILL NOT be reading it. Please do not send me "suggestions" or "recommendations" if it's not on the list. You'll only be disappointed when I don't read it. I may occasionally slip out of my "comfort zone" to get into a new genre, but until I add it, don't send me a link, unless I consider you a good friend.

Buffy the Vampire Slayer/Angel:

I'm mostly fond of parody and romance.

Ships:

Spike/Buffy, Spike/Dru, Willow/Xander, Dawn/Xander, Wesley/Fred, Wesley/Faith, Wesley/Cordelia, Cordelia/Angel, Angel/Faith. I have nothing against Tara/Willow, but I've found that most fics in that ship are incredibly dull, and somehow lack the magic that the writers gave it on the show--however, I am open to a recommendation for it if the fic is nothing short of "fucking amazing." Also, Spike/OFC and Xander/OFC--but there seem to be a lack of them on this site, so please feel free to send me a link.

Ships I'm open to (meaning when I occasionally slip out of my "comfort zone" this is what I read):

Caleb/anybody (somehow I think this would be hilarious if done right), William-centred anything, Spike/Halfrek(Cecily), Spike/Xander, Spike/Willow, Willow/Faith.

Ships I will NEVER read, UNLESS they are a subplot to one of the ships I will:

Buffy/Riley, Buffy/Angel, Angel/Spike (UNLESS it is about ". . . except for that once.")

I will not read anything incest. Ever. Crap with Dawn licking Buffy's titties is completely out of the question.

I will read Spike/Angel friendship fics. FRIENDSHIP.

Firefly/Serenity:

Ships:

Simon/Kaylee, Mal/Inara, River/Jayne.

Ships I'm open to (meaning when I occasionally slip out of my "comfort zone" this is what I read):

Simon/Mal

Ships I will NEVER read. FLAT-OUT EVER:

River/Simon.

Dollhouse:

I'm still pretty open on the Dollhouse front. The only ship I even claim is Claire (Dr. Saunders)/Topher, and have since episode one. However, sup, I'm totally open. Don't even hate any ships, as of yet, anyway.

South Park:

Parody, humour, gen, and romance are totally okay by me. I will NOT read Angst/Drama. It's fucking South Park, people. I don't wanna read about Kyle being raped by his father whilst simultaneously being abused by his mother, all the while he's cutting himself and listening to emo music while obsessing over Cartman although he's dating his asshole closet-case boyfriend Stan.

Ships:

Kyle/Cartman, Cartman/Wendy. Occasionally Stan/Kyle. I won't read anything else. I'm a stubborn bitch like that.

House, MD:

If the fic has medical mystery, or medical information, it best be accurate. And fyi, I will research the diseases, treatments, and all that stuff. Parody is always all right by me in any fandom, as long as it's actually funny.

I love House/Wilson friendship fics.

As for romance, well . . .

Ships:

House/Wilson.

The only other ship I will even consider:

House/Cuddy, although honestly, I think the writers of the show are the only ones who can even grasp the concept of how they work, so . . . you probably won't be getting much from me in the Huddy fandom. Sorry. But I'm open to good recommendations.

Torchwood/Doctor Who:

Doctor/Donna, Donna-centric, Jack/Doctor, Jack/Gwen, Gwen/Rhys, Owen/Tosh

Ships I'm open to:

Jack/John, Jack/Ianto (but ONLY as a subplot.)

Ships I will NOT read, not even as a sub-plot:

Gwen/Owen.

Harry Potter:

I hate Snape. If any one of you bitches send me a Snape fic, I will massacre you.

--bursts into laughter-- Right, so I totally can't do that with a straight face. Parodies are fantastic in the HP fandom, quite possibly the BEST parodies written in any fandom, if you want my opinion. Anyway, Snape is my favourite character by fuckin' far, although Hermione and Draco tie for second. I'm pretty much book fanatic when it comes to fics. I like my stories almost completely book canon . . . instances I will ALLOW in fanfics, although they are derived from the films:

Lucius with the long hair and pimpilicious cane (aka, walking stick he hides his wand in.) You will not see me writing this into any of my fics (unless it's a parody) but I will not cringe in disgust if it's written in yours.

The wearing of non-robes. In the books, they only wear robes (and thusly, they do in my fics as well) but I won't care if you have them wearing clothes similar to that in the movies.

--sighs-- Goatee-having Snape. (Once again, I shan't write this in ANY of my fics. I prefer his book description. But certain friends of mine insist on giving him a goatee, and other than that, she's a good writer.)

All right, now onto . . .

Ships:

Snape/OFC, Snape/Hermione, Hermione/Draco (but only really fantastic Dramione), Draco/OFC (I've yet to actually read any, but I'm interested, and if you've got any good ones, send a link.) Now, as for teacher/student relationships, I'm actually quite a big fan of that--but if Snape has sex with a student, I want the student to be at least sixteen-years-old. I don't want him even LOOKING at the student sexually before the age of fourteen, and fourteen is pushing it. The reason I say fourteen, is because Lolita is an amazing book, so I know it's possible.

Occasional Ships:

Snape/Lily, Sirius/Lupin (INCREDIBLY rare), Hermione/Ron, Draco/Harry (humour, light-hearted only--no emo/angst) and Dumbledore/Grindelwald.

Ships I shan't e'er read:

James/Lily. Yes, they got together; good for them. Still not interested ('less it's subplot-y stuff.) Hermione/Harry, ANYONE/Voldemort (and since people have a hard time accepting that they are the same person) ANYONE/Tom Riddle. Dumbledore/HET. Snape/Sirius (unless it's a parody.) Snape/Harry is the equivalent to vomit.

Spaced:

Tim/Daisy. Aww.

A Note:

I will occasionally pop in to read a fic in some fandom that's not written above--whether it be for a movie, or TV show I'm starting to get interested in. Possibly even a video game. I do like video games.

A Note About Mary Sues:

Many people have an their own idea of what a Mary Sue is, and in these times, people are INCREDIBLY Sue-phobic. Sadly, this has made it so almost every damn OC written has become so avergae and dull I cannot care about him or her. Most people have sue-ish qualities, anyway. There are beautiful people in the world, so why should any beautiful OC automatically be considered a Mary Sue? There are also beautiful people who happen to be intelligent, as well. Contrary to popular belief, those two qualities can exist in one person. I would rather read a well-developed character that may have sue-ish qualities that a completely dull and boring person I can't give a toss about.

So therefore, a Mary Sue is not definied by certain qualities, but how MANY the qualities she has, how exaggerated they are, and how unbelievable she is. But most of all, a Sue is defined by how everyone else reacts to her. Make her actions have consequences, and how people react to her realistic.

Reviews:

The difference between "constructive criticism" and "flaming" is, apparently, something a lot of people don't know. Constructive criticism is saying what you didn't like about teh story, and perhaps how to make it better. Flaming is not helpful at all, and completely bashes the story. Flaming is cruel, hateful, and intended to make teh other person feel like crap. It is totally unnecessary. Nobody is perfect, and everybody needs practice in order to get better at writing. Constructive criticism is helpful, and is a good way to learn.

I'm honest when it comes to what I like and don't like. I'm picky; I know it. I'm blunt, too. But I will try to give out advice where I can, and will not flame. Hopefully you're mature enough to understand the difference between constructive criticism, and flaming. It's jsut an opinion, and I"ll try to be nice about it, but you'll never get better if you refuse to work on your writing.

Updates and Stories:

I update sporadically. That means, I may go MONTHS without updating a WIP. Unless I delete the fic from my profile, it will be finished. I will not leave a story up here I have no intent to finish.

If anyone has questions or comments, please feel free to send me a PM.