Hola. I'm Emily, I'm 20, I'm in love, I'm studying English Lit at Sheffield Uni, and someday I hope to be a published writer. I may not be that great just yet, but all I can do is try.
And I did get to smoke weed while I was still a teenager. Score!

I'm sorry for my general inactivity on here lately, especially with regards to the Femme Boosh. I'm sorry for not updating old fics, and I'm especially sorry to subscribers of the Femme Boosh for not updating the archive regularly (not that much gets posted that can be added, to be fair).

I am madly in love with my fantastic ladypartner, Jen, who is the most wonderful, amazing woman I have ever met. We met through Boosh fandom, managed to have a whale of a time with each other at the wanksty Sheffield afterparty, met up again at the Book signing and then had a three hour megafan conversation without having anyone look at us like freaks, and not long afterwards we were head over heels. We're both slightly mad, we're both more than slightly strange, but we wouldn't have it any other way. I love her more than I can say in words.

I am pangender and a pansexual, or what could be called an androgyne, before 'androgyny' became a fashion term. I am an equalist and nothing more or less- I see all life as sacred, and believe in the soul and potential of every living being- animals, the unborn, the brain-damaged, everyone. I support the minority discriminated against for being different to the norm, and I resent the minority who discriminates against those who are different to them. I don't believe in gender, race, sexuality, marital or relationship status, wealth or age as definitions; I believe only in the individual, and the subtle yet clear similarities and differences between every single one of us.

I like to dress up as a male, but unfortunately, due to having not-particularly-masculine facial features and nothing to strap the Girls down with, I'm not all that convincing. Yet. My male alter-ego's name is Tristram Turambar. He's a gentleman. Though sometimes he does bear a fairly striking resemblance to the Nudge-Nudge-Wink-Wink man.

I am one half of a comedy duo called Professional Slash. We were meant to be performing on (and organising the entirety of, at the last minute) the comedy stage at a small music festival, but that fell through. Right now, we're relegated to open mic spots. But if anyone's going to Greenbelt festival this year, look out for us there.
We are proudly lesbian comic performers, because lesbians seem to be one of the few social groups that can be made fun of without consequence. This is not right. If people are going to make lesbian jokes, then it should be the lesbians themselves who make them, because at least then, we can treat ourselves with respect.

I am the Letters Editor of my uni newspaper, the Forge Press, and I am also the secretary for an organisation called SMILe, the Student Mental Illness Lifeline, which is run by my amazing friend Amy, and we're working towards getting the funding to become a registered charity. I also perform pantos and sketches with USLES, the University of Sheffield Light Entertainment Society. Our motto is 'immature dramatics'. Which is apt. I am officially the past year's 'funniest drunk'. Which is also apt.

My homepage link takes you to my defunct LiveJournal, where I used to write a blog mainly about the events of my life, and whatever happened to be on my mind at the time. I left LiveJournal for various reasons, which I'd rather keep between myself and the people involved. But I will be back. Someday. When I've done something amazing.
Maybe I should change the link... but there is something symbolic about keeping it. It's the one last tie I have, really.
I'm also on facebook. Which is one of those words that must only ever be said in a Geordie or Sunderland accent, because it sounds gawjuss.
http://www.facebook.com/home.php#/profile.php?id=719229680&ref=profile
And if you're alone on a dark winter's night and feel lonely, or if you're just procrastinating over something else (hello!), or if, for whatever reason you might have to feel like doing it, you ever want to have a chat, you can add me on msn, at funktofunky@live.co.uk.

I'll write about whatever takes my fancy. It's not really a conscious thing, it's just a case of waiting for a good idea. I'm mostly writing Mighty Boosh right now, though I've dabbled in a few other fandoms, and I'd quite like to try a Gorillaz fic.
I used to be a Howince nut, and I still do like it, but there's such a monopoly of Howince fics that I am getting quite bored of it, and I prefer to write alternative pairings or underused characters, especially female characters, who are barely ever used in fics, unless they're crazed antagonists, which is a pretty degrading representation of women, really.
My current favourite pairing is Anthrax/Ebola, and I also adore Mrs Gideon and Saboo, because they are both enigmatic plethoras of unanswrered questions. This is why I love the lesser-written characters- you have so much freedom to put your own spin on them.
I used to make the majority of my fics very tragic, and there's still an element of that in there, but I've turned increasingly towards humour and romance lately, and even into the territories of fluff and crack (I will admit that I don't find all of it insufferable).

Anything else you want to know? Well...

The Redhead Revolution is still coming. But I good bored of waiting, and decided to dabble in less natural looking colours. Hello, flamingo pink.

I speak in a Brorkshire accent. In other words, the satanic hybrid child of Yorkshire and Brummie. (Well, I say Brummie, I'm from Burntwood, which is very close to Walsall, so it's technically more Yam-Yam.)

I adore the Rocky Horror Show, both the live and film versions. I find it sexually liberating, off the wall, and very beautiful, all of which can also be said for its creator Richard O'Brien- he's 66, and I so would. And I love Shock Treatment, which, even though Mr O'Brien himself claims not to like it, is one of the most clever films I've ever seen.

My musical idol is David Bowie, because he is a musical genius, and also gorgeous. My favourite album used to be Diamond Dogs, because the idea of a musical based on 'Nineteen Eighty-Four' is made of win, but now I prefer The Man Who Sold the World. It's got a creepy edge to it, and some of the songs, particularly After All, which is possibly my favourite song ever, All the Madmen and the title track are seriously the music of a divine being.
Despite this, music really isn't a huge part of my life, though. I tend to think of things visually, so I'm generally far more interested in people's tastes in films, and I'm more discerning when it comes to films than to music. I love symbolic films. Cinematography can make or break a film for me.

And then, of course, there's The Mighty Boosh, my fandom of choice, because weirdness attracts me like a supermagnet, and yes, this is getting to be a theme, but I am very physically attracted to both its creators. But if I had the choice of anyone from the Boosh, it'd be Rich Fulcher. Why? Because I'm a storgic lover, and I think we'd get on. Plus, he looks amazing in a dress. Happy now?

There are too many men up there. My profile needs to balance out. The woman of my dreams is called Jen. I would be lost without her.

I love Patricia Quinn. Foreverandeveramen. And Helena Bonham Carter. And Elvira. And Juri from Revolutionary Girl Utena, and Disney's version of Tinkerbell, even though they're animated.

Did you really need to know this? Probably not, actually. Do you care? My guess would, again, be probably not... but that's something you know better than I do.

Right, moving on from people I want to sleep with...

I adore the films of Guillermo del Toro, for their depth and intricacy and beautifully crafted storylines, and for their absolutely stunning visuals and imagination. Pan's Labyrinth is, in my opinion, the best film ever made ever. Terry Gilliam would be my other favourite director- I love the way he mixes wonderfully profound and relevant messages with gorgeously evil black humour. My favourite of his films is Brazil- it's poignant and it's Pythonesque at once!

Jen recently introduced me to Revolutionary Girl Utena, which I am now madly in love with. It's one of the most beautiful things I've ever seen, both visually and in terms of emotional impact. Fantastic music too. The length of it is quite heavy going, but it's definitely worth it. By the end, it does make sense, and the ending itself is truly wonderful. I cried. Watch it; thou shalt not regret. F'serious.

While I'm here, the reason I have no favourite authors is because it seems very... well, favouritist, really. And I feel that I've been on the wrong end of favouritism before, and whether it was real or just in my head (I was quite depressed at the time), it was a very unpleasant experience and I wouldn't want anyone to feel I didn't like them because they weren't on the list. Just wanted to let y'all know.

I HAVE NOT ABANDONED CHILDHOOD'S THIEF. I'm just very lazy and have been concentrating on my Boosh stuff. I do love that fandom.

NOTE: My poem, Goodnight, has been removed due to my decision to enter it into Aesthetica magazine's Annual Creative Works competition. I have saved all the reviews I received for it though- they still mean a lot to me, just as they did when I first received them (even the troll one). Thank you.

Without further ado, my future stories planned so far:

Untitled IT Crowd/Dracula mashup- Another old prompt. Richmond is Dracula, and Roy, Moss and Jen are his vampiric seductresses. Enter Douglas.

The Secret Hiatory of Two Girls With Disease on the Mind- How Anthrax and Ebola, under different names, obviously, met as teenagers and gradually grew on each other.

Untitled Crystal Maze crossover- Vince discovers that his dad is a certain strange and very sexy man going by the name of Reckless Rick. This will involve many lovely scenes between Vince and Rick; Mumsy and Auntie Sabrina getting (manaical, stalkerish) crushes on Naboo; and Howard and Bollo challenging each other to run the Maze.

Untitled horror crack- Vince becomes Nosferatu. Because if Fielding ever lost his hair, that's what he'd look like. You know that's true.

Dogfight- What, more crack? I know, it's weird. Anyway, in this one, Vince gets into a fight with Ziggy Stardust. There may or may not be mud-wrestling.

I'm Inside My Own Mind!- A look into the psyche of Bob Fossil. Juicy.

Stories which may or may not (looking increasing towards 'may not' right now) be written:

Untitled The Funk/an octopus crack- There's a reason for this, honestly. Trust me.

Untitled slave fic- A Howince AU where Howard is travelling with Bainbridge and sees Vince in a slave market, and buys him to save his life. Just goes to show that I haven't lost all faith in the pairing.

The Spidermonkey- Spider/Monkey. Yes, with het pr0ns. Because I've never done het pr0ns before. Unless you count that chapter in Childhood's Thief.

Remember the Radio Show- Moar of it. Songs which I plan to base stories on include "You Have Killed Me" by Morrissey, with an undecided third song, to form a sort of mini-series following on from the "Camera" songfic, and "Truly Madly Deeply" by Savage Garden (killer fluff). I'm also thinking maybe the Red Hot Chili Pepper's "Cabrow" or "On Mercury" about Naboo (I was lsitening to "Cabrow" and it struck me that it could me a Mike Fielding themetune in a weird sort of way), because I love minor characters, and they need some love in this series. All requests are of course very very welcome.

Untitled Spirit of Jazz fic- A Boosh fic in which the Spirit of Jazz is revealed to be a far more powerful entity than anyone ever thought, and he has Howard under his spell. Will include a return for Mrs Gideon (because I love her). But if anyone has any thoughts on whether I should bring back Francesco Ciriaco from The Secret History of Howard Moon, could you please PM me, cuz I'm not sure.
If I do choose to write The Secret History of Elisaveta Gideon though, that'll have to come before this one.

Untitled Boosh horror fic- Possibly to involve a situation similar to films like the start of 'Shadow of the Vampire' and probably a million better examples that I can't be arsed to think of, with the old hotel in the middle of nowhere, with no way of escape and something very wrong going on inside. This will probably turn out nice and slashy, with roomsharing, and claustrophobia, and lots of fear leading to need for cuddling.

Five Times the Police Came to the House of Jones- A Nathan Barley fic, which is pretty much explained in the title, from an old challenge on the LJ comm, Naked Skills Club. Anyway, I have three situations so far, about Jones' antisocial noise levels, stolen goods and squatting. I'm thinking maybe a bit about Dan vandalising the Trashbat office or something. PM me if you have an idea, I believe I am in need of them (please!!).

Stories that may or may not happen:

The Secret History of Elisaveta Gideon- Mrs Gideon's arrival in England, her less than happy married years and the eventual fate of her husband.
I was really getting quite into this, but it's pre-The Secret History of Howard Moon, so it sees Mrs Gideon's character develop from a largely unrecogniseable character to another largely unrecognisble character. It explains the fate of her husband, which is something I hold very highly in my interpretation of the character, but I'm not sure if the journey is worth it to get there. If Bob Fossil didn't make an appearance, it may as well be original fiction. And I'm not so sure it'd stand that well without the fandom link.
What do people think? Is it worth it?

Untitled Cloverfield mashup- Howard, Vince and Leroy, with Howard's parents and sister Ruth and her husband and children, caught in events very similar to Cloverfield... in Leeds.
It may not happen, in the end, but I really do want to write Ruth and her daughter. I'm just not sure it won't be derivative.

Untitled gender-swap fic- Let's just say that it wouldn't be anywhere near as comic or sexy as many such fics are.
I was having second thoughts about it because the tragic climax is quite personal to someone who, while I was planning it, I knew would read it, and I didn't want her to get upset because of it. Only now, I'm not so sure that she would. I don't know.

Stories that have been planned for ages, and even begun, in some cases, but which will more than likely never be finished:

Untitled sequel to Crashing Down- Several years later, various characters search for Coco, and there is a plot from Uka Uka. Riveting.

Untitled prequel to Crashing Down- Would just be an explanation of why Tawna comes back, where Crunch is at etc etc. Equally riveting.

Untitled Labyrinth fic- Would centre on Jareth, and explain what the hell it was that messed the Labyrinth up so much.

Hope you enjoy, anyways.

xxx