Darkness surrounds me,

The night closes in,

I cling to a rope,

Yet I don't know if anybody is at the end,

It's so dark it hurts my eyes,

I can't feel the light anywhere,

There's no relief in sight,

So, a crouch in the corner,

Hiding in the dark that is my world,

I wait like a child,

Thrown in a closet and forgot,

I pray for relief,

I cling to a hope

It's so dark it hurts my eyes,

I can't feel the light anywhere,

There's no relief in sight,

So, a crouch in the corner,

Hiding in the dark that is my world,

I hear the laughter around me,

But I just can't join in,

I feel like I'm not part of that world,

As I hide here in the dark.

It's so dark it hurts my eyes,

I can't feel the light anywhere,

There's no relief in sight,

So, a crouch in the corner,

Hiding in the dark that is my world,

I see people worry,

I hear what they say,

But I can't find the words to reassure them,

When even I'm not sure that I'm okay anymore.

It's so dark it hurts my eyes,

I can't feel the light anywhere,

There's no relief in sight,

So, a crouch in the corner,

Hiding in the dark that is my world,

First: My name is Heather, I'm 24 (well the 27th of Sept.)

Second: Why do I write? That's harder to explain then most things. But here goes the beginning...

It never accured to me that finding myself would take this road. It also never accorded to me that so many people could have an option as to who I am. The problem with finding one's self is, what happens when you don't like the person you find. It's not like we can use magic words and change who we are. We can't unfind ourselves either. When I graduated high school, I decided to concure the world, however the world concurred me. I went to work at a factory. Everyday I got up five thirtyish, got dressed, made sure I got to work by seven, and stood there inspect pants for flaws all day. So it wasn't glamorous, but the money was okay. It was more the people that I encountered on my endeavor that intrigued me. My loveable, yet hard nosed supervisor. My perky, yet somehow sad co worker, my pissed off coworker, and of course my nosey co worker. The thing I loved most about the job, was that I was neither above nor below the people I worked with. In my mind we were all equal. That included Pam, who although a co worker, proved to be much more. She is a friend, one of the few I've kept from that job. I'm sad to say that in recent months I've not talked to her. I can tell you to this day what the factory looked like, and how it smelled. Sadly enough after a year and half of dedicated employment, the factory closed down. We were all out a job. I remember feeling helpless. My father was diagnosed legally blind, and put on disability. Not without a wait, and being turned down for Unemployment. Those first we months were the worst. Then I was given the opportunity to go to college. I didn't jump as fast as everyone thought I would, but eventually I would start my endeavor of higher learning. All went very well, until my great grandmother became extremely ill. She passed in July of 07.

Since then my life has been and endless blur of applications, making sure my father is cared for properly and attempting to figure out what went wrong. Life is not nearly as simple as it could be. You see life will beat you up, it will knock you down and piss you off and make you cry. But then there are moments of such pure unaliterated joy that all the pain melts away. Moments when all the world is right, and you honestly believe you'll never be hurt again. Ones that are so beautiful, they simply take your breathe. But if you don't look during these moments you miss it.

Family has always been important to me. But somehow it got ahead of everything else. I strived so hard to make sure that my family was okay, and that I done everything I could to make sure of that. But in the end, I lost sight of me, of what I should be. I should be a twenty four, almost, year old, I should be working, and building my own life. Not sistaning a life that for the most part can't sustain me.

Just this past day, I had a rare optuinity to spend a few hours outside with my cousins. No real adults, aside from Cari and I, there were no limitations, no holds bare. And I played outside with the water whose. For the first time since my own childhood, I went outside and played in the water. And by far it was the best few minutes, perhaps hour, I've had in a very long time. Something so normal for most American's, something so simply, gave me such great joy. There was a moment that I looked up, and both children had these radiant smiles on their faces. It was as if they were the center of the world. And for me, they just might have been.

More of a biography is sure to follow, sooner or later. I write because it's a part of who am, what I am. It's very personal and deep and goofy at times. But it's mine. Nobody can take it. And the things that I choose to share with you, are all a peice of that. I don't take putting my work out there lightly, nor do I take the people who read it lightly.

In recent months I've not been able to finish a few of the One Tree Hill Fics. It's not for lack of trying, but my head has been so jumbled that I simply can't. It's a person discovery phase, and beleive me it's let to more then one surprise.

As far as the Buffy, or more relevently, Faith fics, they are all finished aside from Procedures in Living, and I'm far enough ahead you shouldn't have wait to long. I post every week, and I'm writting on chapter 40, so surely posting won't get ahead of itself.

I want to say a special thanks to Sabra. When I began to co-write with her, it was simply that. But from that has grown a friendship that I treasure. She understands the importance of it being right. And that everything is person, more so then most people would realize.

I also must say a special thanks to Paige. As my Beta she has helped to improve my writting. However, as before she is not just my beta, she's my friend and I can't thank her enough. Also, I must say she's an awesome writer.

It is an honor to work with both girls, and a treasure to know them personally.

To my readers I say, thank you. It doesn't seem like much to reply to an auther and tell them you like their work, but beleive me it is. So I encourage you to reply, tell me if you like it. But please no flaming. There's not need to disrespect a person.

I hope each of you have a blessed and happy day. Laters, Heathergirl84

Thanks to Faith's Fangs for the pic!

Quotes

"Although the world is full of suffereing, it's also full of over coming of it." Helen Keller

"Character cannot be developed in ease an quite. Only through experiance of trail of suffering can teh soul be strengthened, ambition inspired, and sucess." Helen Keller

"People do not like to think. If one thinks, one must reach conclusions. Conclusions are not always pleasent." Helen Keller

"We could never learn to be brave and patient, if there were only joy in the world." Helen Keller

"My theory is that if you look confident you can pull off anything - even if you have no clue what you're doing." Jessica Alba

"I have never thought of writting for reputation or honor. What I have in my heart must come out; that is the r eason I compose." Ludwig van Beethoven

"Forever is composed of nows." Emily Dickinson

"I dwell in possibilities." Emily Dickinson

"My friends are my estate." Emily Dickinson

"How wonderful is it nobody need wait a single moment before starting to improve the world." Anne Frank

"Think of all the beauty around you and be happy." Anne Frank

"Do not bite the bait of pleasure till you know there is no hook beneath it." Thomas Jefferson

"Honesty is a fine capter in the book of wisdom." Thomas Jefferson

"I'm happy being able to play roles with people my age because once you do something really mature there's no turning back." Lindsay Lohan

"I pay no attention to everybody's praise or blame. I simply follow my own feelings." Wolfgang Amadeus Mozart.

"Beauty is in the eye of the beholder and if may be necessary from time to time to give a stupid or misinformed beholder a black eye." Miss Piggy

"Never eat more then you can lift." Miss. Piggy

"Beauty of whatever kind, in it's supreme development, invariably excites the sensitive soul to tears." Edger Allen Poe

"Never to suffer would never to have been blessed." Edger Allen Poe

"I would like to be called and insperation to people, not a role model -- because I make mistakes like everybody else. WHen I'm offstage, I'm just like everybody else." Britney Spears.

"Eat my shorts!" Bart Simpson

Reading, after a certain age, diverts the mind too much from its creative pursuits. Any man who reads too much and uses his own brain too little falls into lazy habits of thinking.
Albert Einstein

The important thing is not to stop questioning.
Albert Einstein

The most beautiful thing we can experience is the mysterious.
It is the source of all true art and science.
Albert Einstein

The secret to creativity is knowing how to hide your sources.
Albert Einstein

Try not to become a man of success but rather to
become a man of value.
Albert Einstein

You cannot simultaneously prevent and prepare for war.
Albert Einstein

Science without religion is lame, religion without science is blind.
Albert Einstein

If A is success in life, then A equals x plus y plus z.
Work is x; y is play; and z is keeping your mouth shut.
Albert Einstein

It has become appallingly obvious that our technology has exceeded our humanity.
Albert Einstein

You ask me if I keep a notebook to record my great ideas. I've only ever had one.
Albert Einstein

In the middle of difficulty lies opportunity.
Albert Einstein

If I'd known what I was unleashing, I'd have become a watchmaker.
Albert Einstein

Put your hand on a hot stove for a minute, and it seems like an hour. Sit with a pretty girl for an hour, and it seems like a minute. That's relativity.
Albert Einstein

The difference between stupidity and genius is that
genius has its limits.
Albert Einstein

If we knew what it was we were doing, it would not
be called research, would it?
Albert Einstein

Peace cannot be achieved through violence, it can only
be attained through understanding.
Albert Einstein

Any intelligent fool can make things bigger, more complex,
and more violent. It takes a touch of genius, and a lot of courage,
to move in the opposite direction.
Albert Einstein

Anyone who has never made a mistake has never
tried anything new.
Albert Einstein

Only a life lived for others is a life worth while.
Albert Einstein

The only thing that interferes with my learning is my education.
Albert Einstein

The pursuit of truth and beauty is a sphere of activity in which
we are permitted to remain children all our lives.
Albert Einstein

Minds, like bodies, will often fall into a pimpled, ill-conditioned state from mere excess of comfort.
Charles Dickens

Reflect on your present blessings, of which every man has many; not on your past misfortunes, of which all men have some.
Charles Dickens

Be civil to all; sociable to many; familiar with few; friend to one; enemy to none.
Benjamin Franklin

Beware of the young doctor and the old barber.
Benjamin Franklin

Do not anticipate trouble, or worry about what may never happen.
Benjamin Franklin

Employ thy time well, if thou meanest to get leisure.
Benjamin Franklin

He that falls in love with himself will have no rivals.
Benjamin Franklin

He that is of the opinion money will do everything may well be suspected of doing everything for money.
Benjamin Franklin

Hide not your talents, they for use were made.
What's a sun-dial in the shade?
Benjamin Franklin

If you know how to spend less than you get, you have the philosopher's stone.
Benjamin Franklin

If your head is wax, don't walk in the sun.
Benjamin Franklin

Never confuse motion with action.
Benjamin Franklin

Remember not only to say the right thing in the right place, but far more difficult still, to leave unsaid the wrong thing
at the tempting moment.
Benjamin Franklin

Those who dream by day are cognizant of many things which escape those who dream only by night.
Edgar Allan Poe

It is common sense to take a method and try it.
If it fails, admit it frankly and try another.
But above all, try something.
Franklin D. Roosevelt

The only limit to our realization of tomorrow
will be our doubts of today.
Franklin D. Roosevelt

Men are not prisoners of fate, but only prisoners
of their own minds.
Franklin D. Roosevelt

When you get to the end of your rope,
tie a knot and hang on.
Franklin D. Roosevelt

Repetition does not transform a lie into a truth.
Franklin D. Roosevelt

When they call the roll in the Senate, the Senators do not know whether to answer 'Present' or 'Not guilty.'
Theodore Roosevelt

When you play, play hard; when you work, don't play at all.
Theodore Roosevelt

Whenever you are asked if you can do a job, tell 'em,
'Certainly I can!' Then get busy and find out how to do it.
Theodore Roosevelt

No man is justified in doing evil on the ground of expediency.
Theodore Roosevelt

Far and away the best prize that life offers is the chance to work hard at work worth doing.
Theodore Roosevelt

I care not what others think of what I do, but I care very much about what I think of what I do. That is character!

Theodore Roosevelt

If ever there is tomorrow when we're not together...there is something you must always remember, you are braver then you beleive, stronger then you seem, and smarter tehn you think; but the most important thing is, even if we're apart...I'll always be with you. Winnie the Pooh

As diverse as the people and quotes are above, is how different I am.