Hello

As you may have noticed, I'm Back. And I am no longer beta-ing anything, apart from the occasional oneshot if i really, really like it and am persuaded.

Incase you were wondering, I can be persuaded by a combination of Eurovision (Alexander Rybak!) and Communism. Not that I'm a communist, but my buddy is, and he persuaded me to support his poster campaign. In return, I get one third of the world (my choice of where), and a laboratory in whitch to create flying monkeys and flying pigs. So watch out.

But even then I'm not guaranteeing anything.

A Certain Harry Potter Character has come to my attention.

He is known as BAMF.

Most of you will know him as Neville Longbottom.

We were all thrilled when Neville finally displayed his inner-awesome in the 7th book. Leading an underground revolution at Hogwarts, lobbing mandrakes at Death Eaters, and decapitating Nagini--what a BAMF.

Here follows a list of Facts about Neville. All Are True

Chuck Norris' boggart is Neville Longbottom.

Neville urinates Felix Felicis.

If Grindewald and Voldemort were to get in a fight, Neville would win.

Ozzy Osbourne bites the heads off of bats. Neville Longbottom bites the heads off of Hippogriffs.

Neville is one-eighth centaur. This has nothing to do with bloodline; he once ate an entire centaur.

Neville Longbottom sold his soul to the devil for his rugged good looks and unparalleled bad-ass wizarding ability. Shortly after the transaction was finalized, Neville Expelliarmus'd the devil's ass and took his soul back. The devil, who appreciates irony, couldn't stay mad and admitted he should have seen it coming. They now play Exploding Snap every second Wednesday of the month.

The Sorting Hat is no longer used at Hogwarts; students are sorted based on how long it takes them to cry in the presence of Neville Longbottom.

When Harry and Ginny's children were conceived, Ginny was thinking of Neville. So was Harry.

Voldemort didn't light the Sorting Hat on fire; the Sorting Hat combusted because it touched Neville Longbottom.

Nicolas Flamel created the philosopher's stone. Neville Longbottom created Nicolas Flamel.

Neville uses Nagini's blood as soy sauce.

If you spell "Neville Longbottom" in Scrabble, it's an automatic win.

Harry's chest tattoo isn't a Hungarian Horntail, it's a portrait of Neville.

Bellatrix never actually tortured Neville's parents. She just threatened to kill their son and they laughed themselves into insanity.

Even though it was difficult getting four dragons for the Triwizard Tournament, the officials decided it was safer than the original plan of using Neville.

Neville Longbottom is the reason that the Cauldron is Leaky.

Muggles don't know about Lord Voldemort, but they do know about Neville Longbottom.

In nursery, Neville killed a Death Eater for Show and Tell.

If Neville had a myspace, he'd have more friends than Tom.

Originally, there was a spell called "Neville Longbottom" but when cast in a duel, both wizards would explode leaving nothing more than a smear of blood and a fraction of wand. They quickly changed this spell to the much weaker "Avada Kedavra."

Neville Longbottom doesn't bow to hippogriffs. Hippogriffs bow to Neville Longbottom.

If you're looking for Neville on the Marauder's map, he's labeled "BAMF."

Thestrals can only see Neville Longbottom if they've witnessed someone dying.

Neville became Head Boy AND Girl. No one dared comment.

They said Dumbledore was the only man Voldemort was afraid of. They lied.

They were going to release a Neville Longbottom edition of cluedo but the answer always turned out to be "Neville Longbottom, in the courtyard with a sword."'

Dumbledore seriously considered calling it The Order of Neville Longbottom before he settled on The Order of the Phoenix.

King Leonidas and the 300 were Neville Longbottom's bitches.

Neville Longbottom is what's beyond the veil.

Neville's blood has thirteen uses.

Even phoenix tears won't cure wounds inflicted by Neville Longbottom.

Neville needs a remembrall not because he has a poor memory, but merely because he accomplishes too much to remember.

Neville's Patronus is Neville, because nothing else is badass enough to represent him.

Merlin got an Order of Neville, Third Class.

Neville Longbottom created the Department of Mysteries when he got bored with making every damn discovery.

Someone once asked Neville if there was alien life out in the universe. Neville replied, "There used to be."

When Severus Snape looks into Neville Longbottom's mind, he only sees a sword coming at his neck.

Neville Longbottom cut off the Hog's Head. He was just practicing for Nagini.

Neville is listed in "Fantasic Beasts and Where to Find Them" with a Ministry of Magic Classification XXXXXX. This classification was created specifically for Neville.

God first created man. Thinking He could do better, God created women. Then God created Neville Longbottom.

Neville Longbottom taught the Veela how to dance.

When Neville Longbottom golfs, he uses a snake for the ball, and a sword for the club.

Hogwarts no longer teaches Defense Against the Dark Arts, they just hand out Neville Longbottom masks.

Trevor the toad never really escapes. Neville Longbottom sends Trevor hunting for other students' pets.

Before Neville punched it, it was known as Horizont Alley.

Neville Longbottom sectumsempra'd his way out of his mother's womb. Ever since, Muggles have called this operation a "C-section."

Neville Longbottom wears a Lethifold as a cape.

When Neville uses the knight bus, he calls himself Harry Potter to avoid all the attention.

It was once suggested that "Diagon Alley" be changed to "Longbottom Alley." The idea was almost immediately cast aside, because nobody crosses Neville Longbottom and lives.

Most people can slam doors. Neville can slam Floo powder.

Neville's alphabet soup only ever contains four letters: B, A, M, and F.

There is no Night and Day. Only Neville saying "Lumos."

Neville Longbottom is often transported to the Room of Requirement, because the Room Requires Neville.

When Draco Malfoy found out he was worth a whole 12th of Neville Longbottom, he cried for joy.

The wizard prison was originally named after Neville - it used to be Bad-Asskaban.

When Neville Apparates, he doesn't move -- the rest of the world shifts according to his design. The fact that this causes disasters like the Asian tsunami to occur is of little consequence to Neville.

The sorcerer's stone can give people immortality. Neville can take it away.

Polyjuice Potion is only rationed because Neville got sick of losing all his bodily hair.

Voldemort and the Death Eaters were actually created in the Room of Requirement. Neville walked passed it 3 times thinking he needed some opponents who were not laughably pathetic in comparison to him. Some things, not even magic can do.

They thought of making a Neville puppet for Potter Puppet Pals...but nobody makes fun of Neville Longbottom and wakes up the following morning.

Followers of Voldemort are known as "Death Eaters." Followers of Neville Longbottom are know as "Death Eater Eaters."

"Voldemort killed yer parents, 'arry", said Hagrid. "And then 'e came upstairs for you. O'course, what 'e didn't know wuz that they wuz babysitting Neville at the time..."

Bound by the full Body-Bind curse, surrounded by Dementors and giants with his wand snapped in half, Neville Longbottom laughed to himself and said "I have them right where I want them."

Originally, Professor Dumbledore was going to have Neville Longbottom guard the Sorcerer's Stone. But he couldn't figure out how to defeat him to get it back, so he went with plan B.

Neville was standing on the Vatican balcony with the Pope and someone said “Who’s that up there with Neville?”

Not to be outdone, after Mrs. Weasley took out Bellatrix, Neville brought her back to life and killed her again.

Professor Quirrel didn't have to fake his stammer in Neville's presence.

Neville Longbottom listens to Mandrake cries on his iPod for entertainment.

Voldemort's Boggart is Trevor.

To access the Marauder's Map, all Neville has to say is "I'm Neville Longbottom...bitch..."

If someone replaced the Mirror of Erised with a picture of Neville Longbottom, no one would notice.

Neville uses different rules when playing Exploding Snap. When he starts to lose, he snaps, his opponents' heads explode, and then he takes their wands, galleons, and Chocolate Frog cards.

Aberforth Dumbledore performs inappropriate charms on goats. Neville Longbottom performs inappropriate charms on whomever he damn well pleases.

In the Department of Mysteries there is a door which is always kept locked. Behind that door the Unspeakables study the power of Neville Longbottom.

“Well, you can't break an Unbreakable Vow...”
“I'd worked that much out for myself, funnily enough. What happens if you break it then?”
“Neville.” said Ron simply.

Basilisks are hatched from a chicken egg beneath a toad. Trevor was hatched from a Hungarian Horntail egg beneath a basilisk.

Neville Longbottom gave Oliver wood.

After Harry struggled to retrieve the horntail's golden egg, Neville went back for the rest of them for his daily protein shake.

Remus Lupin actually had nothing to do with the naming of the Shrieking Shack. It's just the place where Neville takes his dates.

Voldemort can't really fly. He can only fall after Neville kicks him.

Neville made Chuck out of Mrs. Norris’ rib.

JK Rowling originally wanted to write the books from Neville's point of view. Attempting this caused her permanent brain damage.

When Neville and Fleur walk side by side, all of the boys stare at HIM.

Cho Chang wasn't crying because she missed Cedric. She was crying because she was with Harry, and not Neville.

When Neville was sorted, there was no house yet called ‘Badass McGee's Pimp Crib', so they stuck him in Gryffindor.

Neville Longbottom turned Dumbledore gay.

Neville had to confund the Goblet of Fire NOT to pick him.

Neville's favorite in-flight movie is Snakes on a Plane.

Only Neville is allowed to use first year Gryffindors and Slytherins as Christmas decorations.

The only reason Lupin didn't make Neville godfather was 'cause he was scared his son would grow up to be better than him

Neville uses the sword of Gryffindor as a backscratcher, but only when the Whomping Willow isnt doing the trick.

Neville can immediately identify the difference between a wolf and a werewolf: he eats one with ketchup for breakfast and prefers the other sautéed with garlic as a midnight snack.

Soulja Boy changed the song so he could Neville Longbottom that ho!

Voldemort checks under his bed for Mrs. Weasley, and Mrs. Weasley checks under hers for Neville. She shouldn’t bother--he's almost always in Ginny's room.

Neville was never made into a Chocolate Frog card -- not because he didn't deserve it, but because any card with his picture on it always melted the frogs.

Bertie Bott once created a Neville Longbottom-flavored jellybean. Since this flavor obviously couldn't be contained in one small shell of sugar, it ended up breaking up into every flavor in the world, and so Bertie now sells his famous Every Flavored Beans.

Neville Avada Kedavra'ed the Sheriff, but he did not Avada Kedavra the Deputy.

When Neville walked into Ollivander's shop, every single wand jumped up, wanting him to pick it.

When you drink a unicorn’s blood, you end up with a half-life. When you drink Neville's blood...well, you're probably just dreaming.

Neville Longbottom was the author of "Twelve Fail-Safe Ways to Charm Witches." He left it at twelve to keep the population in check

Every song the Weird Sisters wrote is dedicated to Neville Longbottom, but he still won't join the band.

In Half-Blood Prince, Romilda Vane says, "You don't have to sit with them." Harry assumed she was talking to him because she was looking at him. He was wrong. She was talking to Neville, but no one can look directly at him.

When Neville is in a duel, he doesn't need to use Expelliarmus; he just walks up and takes his opponent’s wand.

Neville's Myers Briggs Type Indicator result is BAMF.

Harry Potter's potions book had hints that turned out to be from Snape. When Snape had been a student, his potions book had hints from Neville.

There are three things that are known to destroy a Horcrux:
+The sword of Gryffindor
+A basilisk fang
+A slight glance from Neville

Wronski once tried to do a "Longbottom Feint". He crashed.

Neville is the reason why Fang’s always drooling.

Snape didn't convert to the Order of the Phoenix for love of Lily. He heard about the birth of Neville and knew it was only a matter of time.

Dolohov didn't Tarantellegra Neville Longbottom in OotP; his legs only realized they were a part of Neville and got excited.

Neville is the only person not on a team who is cheered for during Quidditch games.

Neville confunded Colin Creevey into thinking it was Harry he wanted to follow around with a camera.

"They say that the wand chooses the wizard. Not so for Neville; he chose the one that matched his sweater set."

Matt Stone and Trey Parker were really confused about why Kenny came back to life for every South Park episode. That is, they were confused until they found out that Kenny is Neville's favorite character.

It used to be called The Four Broomsticks before Neville felt like going for a spontaneous ride in the countryside...

If anyone legally changes his name to "Neville Longbottom," it is considered slander and he is sentenced to life imprisonment in Azkaban.

The Weasleys aren't called "bloodtraitors" for liking muggles; Neville once got a papercut in their house, and any spilling of his blood is considered to be treason.

Remember when Hermione wouldn't say what the last thing she smelt was when she smelt the love potion? It was Neville.

Draco's hairline isn't receding, it's actually running away from Neville.

When Neville screams, mandrakes die.

Muggles don't know about Lord Voldemort, but they do know about Neville Longbottom

The only thing we have to fear is fear itself… The only thing fear has to fear is Neville Longbottom.

When Voldemort goes to sleep at night he checks his closet for Neville Longbottom

Somebody tried to make Neville Longbottom toilet paper once, but there was a problem... it wouldn't take shit from anybody

When God said, “Let there be light,”
Neville Longbottom said, “Say please.”

A werewolf bit Neville Long bottom. Twelve hours later the werewolf turned into Neville Longbottom

Neville didn't develop magical abilities later than other Wizarding children, he was just taking the time to prepare the world for the awesomness that is Neville's magic.

Death eaters want to grow up and be like neville longbottom. but usually they grow up just to be killed by neville longbottom.

voldemort let harry kill him because he knew if he killed harry he'd have to face neville"

Neville said Voldemort's jinxed name so he didn't have to hunt the death eaters his prey came to him"

"Neville pisses excellance"

"The series was going to all be about neville but neville knew that if people heard his story their heads would explode from the sheer amazingnesss of his life so he had jk rowling write about harry instead."

Neville isn't good at Herbology. He merely says something and the plants are too scared to disagree

The real reason Voldemort chose to mark harry as his equal, is he knew if he picked Neville, he was fucked. With harry he had a fighting chance.

Second year, the basilisk almost attacked Neville, before it realized who it was dealing with and went after a more feasible prey, Mrs. Norris instead.

Voldemort wears Neville Longbottom Pajamas.

Neville Longbottom does not sleep. He waits.

Neville Longbottom counted to infinity. Twice.

When taking the SAT, write "Neville Longbottom" for every answer. You will score over 8000.

Neville Longbottom's tears are a cure for basilisk venom, too bad neville never cries.

Nagini once challenged Neville to a staring contest. She lost.

When Death stopped neville on the bridge, Neville smiled, kicked him where it hurts, and walked on.

if you wake up in the morning, it's because neville spared you.

The names of the houses at hogwarts changed:
Gryffindor- Neville's peeps, they're safe
Ravenclaw- No where near as smart as Neville
Hufflepuff- Get out of Neville's way
Slytherin- no longer exists anybody that goes there runs away immediately.

When we were kids we had Superman on our underwear. When Superman was a kid his had Neville Longbottom on them.

Guns don't kill people... Neville Longbottom with a wand does.

Mrs. Weasly was actually under Neville's Imperius curse when she killed Lestrange.

"There is no real Killing Curse. 'Avada Kedavra' is actually a Summoning Charm which causes Neville Longbottom to appear in a flash of green light. Neville stares the victim down into death and then disappears before either victim or castor realizes what really happened. The two times Voldemort used it on Harry and failed, Neville just decided Voldemort wasn't worthy of his presence, so instead the spell only damaged both Voldemort and Harry severely without Neville's presence.

"When Harry was poisoned with Basilisk venom, Fawkes was thinking about what would've happened if they had had to face Neville Longbottom instead

As a Professor at Hogwarts, Neville rides an acromantula to work every day

Neville can speak parstletoungue. He never gets a chance because his snake scares all the other snakes away.

There was only 1 neville longbottom trading card found in a chocolate frog. It's on ebay right now and the current bid is 40,000 galleons.

Neville sneezes sectum sempra.

Hagrid, with all of his physical strength, could not tame Grawp... until Neville showed up.

Professor Trelawny didn't make any real prophesies. She just asked Neville.

Nagini was actually Voldemort in disguise, and thus Neville killed him.

The reason Harry Potter was the hero of the book is that if Neville was, he could have destroyed the Horcruxes with his bare hands.

The Peverell brothers were given the Hallows by Death himself. Death was given the Hallows by Neville himself.

Music makes Fluffy the three-headed dog fall asleep. Neville Longbottom's voice makes Fluffy the three-headed dog fall down dead.

Voldemort is one of Neville's Horcruxes.
The others are Bruce Lee, Chuck Norris, Optimus Prime, Yoda, Batman, and a candy necklace

Versitiseum doesn't exactly make people tell the truth. It just reminds them that Neville doesn't like liars

Trevor isn't actually a toad. He's a transfigured Muggle that got on Neville's bad side. That's why he keeps trying to run away.

It was not Death Eaters who Slughorn was hiding from. He was hiding from Neville.
There is no truly free house elf while Neville Longbottom walks this earth.

Neville Longbottom is actually five times as ripped as Vin Diesel. The black robes are just really slimming.

Neville killed Dumbledore. Twice.

Neville Longbottom is the true master of the Elder Wand, but he let Dumbledore and Harry borrow it since he doesn't need a wand.

They say that Sirius Black was the first person to break out of Azkaban prision, but thats untrue, Neville Longbottom broke him out. Neville was also responsible for Bellatrix, and the other Death Eaters esacping, since he knew that it wouldn't be really fair for Voldemort not to have help trying to fight Neville Longbottom.

Neville Longbottom went down to the Chamber of Secrets and defeated Voldemort, and then let Harry do the clean-up work. Neville didn't have to find a key, play chess, or drink a potion to get there, he kicked ass all the way down to the Chamber of Secrets.

David and Goliath was actually about Neville and Voldemort.

Godric Griffindor, Rowena Ravenclaw, Helga Hufflepuff and Salazar Slytherin were all alter-egos of Neville.

Neville Longbottom is not the center of the universe; the universe just wants him to be its center.

Neville Longbottom once got a splinter. He pulled it out and threw it on the ground. It grew into the Whomping Willow.

Hagrid isn't half giant, he's half Neville.

Devil's snare can only be grown from seed in a pot of Neville's snot.

Neville's blood has thirteen uses.

Dumbledore didn't enchant the letters to Harry, Neville asked them to go to Harry.

There are no giants, only Neville impersonators.

Time turners work because Neville tells them too.

Mandrakes scream when removed from the soil because there is no longer anything protecting them from Neville.

Voldemort always thought nothing was worse then death until he met Neville Longbottom. thats why he let harry kill him so easily.

Neville Longbottom is the 4th unforgiveable curse

The invisibility cloak first came to be after Neville used it as a bath towel

Bertie Botts Every Flavour Beans do not have every flavour, because nothing can replicate the awesome taste of Neville.

Barbies are GI Joes that Neville looked at.

Every 3 seconds Nevillie Longbottom kills the entire population of the universe and revives them with no memory of what just happened, because he can.

Most men have an X and a Y chromosome, Neville has all Os for Outstanding

Neville Longbottom came up with the line "That's what she said!"

Neville doesn't need a Time Turner because time stops when he speaks.

Instead of having a button that says "LAUNCH NUCLEAR MISSILES," the Queen of England has a button that says "NEVILLE LONGBOTTOM."

Harry's Patronus after the Deathly Hallows is Neville Longbottom.

in Neville's first year, the sorting hat tried to find a house in hogwarts that could hold Neville's awsomeness. He couldn't find one so he did "eenii-meenii-meini-moe" and landed on Gryffindor.

The Death Eaters changed the Dark Mark to a picture of Neville Longbottom.

Neville's broomstick didn't lift off in the first book; the rest of the world shied away.

Neville once sneezed. Thus God was born.

Neville Longbottom doesn't believe in God. God believes in Neville Longbottom.

JKR would have rather written a series of books on the adventures of Neville Longbottom, but there's already a book called "The Neverending Story."

Challenging Neville Longbottom to a fight is the one thing Meatloaf won't do for love.

After the events of the seventh book, everyone's Patronus turned into a Neville Longbottom

Neville has five vaults at Gringotts to store his excess bad-ass-ness

Neville eats steak cleaved from the side of a Hungarian Horntail and when he's had his fill he rides the rest home.

The story of David and Goliath is a lie. It was actually Neville who slew Goliath. And then he slew David for good measure.

When Godzilla needs back-up, the two little Asian twins call on Mothra. When Mothra needs back-up, they call on Neville

Basilisks get petrified by merely looking in Neville's general direction.

Samuel L. Jackson's character in 'Snakes on a Plane' was named Neville because it was the most badass name the writers could think of.

JK Rowling had to get Neville's permission before she could invent him.

The Few. The Proud. The Brave. The Longbottoms.

If Voldemort casted Avada Kedavra on Neville Longbottom, he would end up with a scar on his forehead.

Neville beat a basilisk in a staring contest.

There are no animals, just animagi who are scared shitless of Neville Longbottom and refuse to come out of hiding

Unicorn blood can help postpone you from dieing. Neville Longbottom blood can destroy horcruxes, make one invincible, and eat Voldemort. Too bad Neville has never bled.

J.K. Rowling wrote Harry Potter. Neville Longbottom created J.K. Rowling

Neville uses the Elder Wand to pick his nose.

Neville never gave Harry Gillyweed, it was simply the result of Neville sneezing, and, like anything produced by Neville, turned Harry Bad-Ass.

Some may think that Harry's most dangerous situations are his duels with Voldemort. However, Harry was almost killed instantly when he pretended to be Neville Longbottom on the Knight Bus.

There is one way to shut up a mandrake plant...a picture of Neville.

Lucious Malfloy is still alive because Neville Longbottom doesn't kill women.

all toads envy trevor for being the pet of neville longbottom. THE neville longbottom.

Neville Longbottom doesn't need a patronus. He just looks at the Dementors and they immediately run the other way.

Q: how many neville longbottoms does it take to change a lightbulb?
A: none. the lightbulbs are too afraid of neville's bad ass-ness and change themselves.

Instead of using dragons to guard Gringott's high security vaults, the goblins use Neville Longbottom

The sun rises in the east and sets wherever it has the least chance of disturbing Neville

King's Cross earned its name because the King saw Neville coming and crossed his heart never to fuck with him

the stairs of hogwarts castle do not change randomly. they change depending on where neville wants you to go.

Q.- how many neville's does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
A.- none. neville glares at it and it turns back on.

Christians pray to God. God prays to Nevillie Longbottom.

Global warming began the moment Neville's mother gave birth to him

Neville played Quidditch one time. He played against all the other House teams in Hogwarts. I needn't say who won, but it was omitted from the story to keep up the illusion that Harry was a great Quidditch player.
The score was 479 to 30. How did Neville get a score that wasn't a multiple of 10? The judges deducted points for the fact that the Snitch exploded when he caught it.

Anytime Neville looks at a body of water, it boils. He makes the water part so he can cross it. That is how Moses learned the trick

They say that Tutankhamun died at around 19, unexpectedly. Neville says he doesn't know what they're talking about and stares airily into space.

It is a universally acknowledged truth that a single man in possession of a good fortune must be in want of a Neville.
kids at hogwarts take Herbology only because neville longbottom teaches it.

When Neville first appeared his awesome and badassness was too immense for the universe to handle, and it sparked a cataclysmic explosion. It is now referred to as "The Big Bang."

J.K. Rowling was once almost about to contemplate killing Neville off in the last book. Neville did not bitch slap her. The unfinished manuscript jumped up and did it for him.

The dinosaurs are only extinct becuase they knew they'd never be as awesome as Neville Longbottom. They figured they'd just stop trying.

Some people eat frog legs. Neville Longbottom eats lizard legs...hence Basilisks

Neville Longbottom ordered a Weasley's puking pastille at Zonko's...and got one.

In a bottle of U-No-Poo (the constipation sensation that's sweeping the nation) is actually a picture of Neville Longbottom. This picture scares the crap out of the food in your stomach, and it hides from Neville.

The necklace that Katie Bell touched was not cursed, it was simply worn by Neville Longbottom
Crucio is latin for Neville

When Neville Longbottom jumps into the Black Lake, he doesn't get wet, the water get's Neville Longbottom

Even phoenix tears won't cure wounds inflicted by Neville Longbottom.

Neville was the one who felled the Iron Curtain. With his mind.

In Soviet Russia, no one can make Soviet Russia jokes about Neville Longbottom - he gets the hammer and sicle to go after them.

Instead of putting milk on his ceral, Neville Longbottom phers to use the same green potion that was protecting Slytherins locket
When Neville bangs a woman, the whole UK gets pregnant, even the men.

Neville is the reason the New Testament God is nicer.

Life is like a box of chocolates: Neville will probably be the one to take it from you.

Albus Potter didn't need to give Neville love; Neville just took it all anyways.

The new Wizard chess sets feature pieces that all look like Neville.

The vulture hat Gran wears is really a Death Eater that Neville beheaded, transfigured, and mounted to a hat. She now has a new hat with Nagini's head on top.

After the final battle, Hogwarts added a new house: Longbottom.

The universe is the center of Neville

Neville created existance to kill time.

If an inferius bites Neville Longbottom, it comes back to life, but then dies again out of shock and awe.

The sun never sets on Neville Longbottom; it's too afraid to try.

Optimus Prime, Master Chief and Chuck Norris came together to ask Neville how he did it. Neville opened his mouth, destroying all three in an instant with the bad-ass power of his voice.

Neville doesn't go to Hogwarts, Hogwarts goes to Neville.

Neville drinks out of the Goblet of Fire every night.

Neville Longbottom once saw this list and smiled.

When Neville gets bored he lets Dementors kiss him, just for something to do.

"RAB" stands for Neville Longbottom.

All Hippogriffs, Giants, Dragons, Boggarts, Dementors, and Merpeople are somehow descended from Neville Longbottom

The Dementor's kiss is an exceedingly poor imitation of what having sex with Neville Longbottom does to a person.

The original Bible was intitled "Neville Longbottom and Friends".

Neville's rememberall reminds him of all the names of the people he's killed over the centuries. In response, he laughs.

There is no Theory of Herbology. Just a list of plants Neville Longbottom has allowed to live

You know how nobody knows what happened to Fawkes at the end of book 6? That's right. Neville ate him. With his mind.

Neville used to be a powerful warlord who fathered many children. Colloquially, he was referred to as "Genghis Khan."

Neville Longbottom is what's beyond the veil.

Neville would have flown on Buckbeak, but Neville bows to no one

the reason voldemort went into hiding all those years is because it was neville who gave him the order to kill harry, and he was scared of wat neville would do 2 him once he found out he didn't

Neville doesn't lose Trevor, Trevor must occasionally get away from Neville's BAMF-ness or die.

Patronuses don't take the form of animals; they take the form of Neville in disguise

At the core of the Elder Wand lies a single strand of Neville Longbottom's hair.

In ancient China there is a legend that one day a child will be born from a dragon, grow to be a man, and vanquish evil from the land. That man is not Neville Longbottom, because Neville Longbottom killed that man.

There are now five cup sizes at Starbucks: Short, Tall, Grande, Venti, and Neville Longbottom.

Harry, Ron, and Hermione made a complex, risky plan to break into Gringotts bank, and barely escaped with their lives. Neville once broke into Gringotts on a whim because he felt like battling a dragon, and walked out unscathed.

The dragons deep inside Gringotts are trained to fear the "clankers," this is not because they are stabbed with hot swords, but because they were once exposed to one two thousandth of Nevilles wrath when they heard them.

Horcruxes are made when a person splits their soul by experiencing something terrible. The best way to do this, of course, is to have Neville stare you in the eye.

Neville Longbottom sucks the happiness and joy out of dementors.

In the original design for the Fountain of Magical Brethren, the wizard was supposed to be Neville while everyone else was bowing down.

The United States could save billions in defense funding if they trade the Military for Neville Longbottom.

The dragon guarding the vaults of Gringotts volunteered for the job so that he would be safe from Neville Longbottom.

Neville is tired of all these motherfucking snakes in this motherfucking book

Neville Longbottom has 643 horcruxes, one of them is Harry Potter.

When Neville looks into the mirror of Erised he doesn't see anything...Neville takes whatever he wants

Dumbledore's nose is so crooked because Neville Longbottom beat the hell out of him

Quotable BAMF Moments

"What? This?"
Neville dismissed his injuries with a shake of his head.
"This is nothing."

"Alecto, Amycus' sister, teaches Muggle Studies, which is compulsory for everyone. We've all got to listen to her explain how Muggles are like animals, stupid and dirty, and how they drove wizards into hiding by being vicious toward them, and how the natural order is being reestablished. I got this one," he indicated another slash to his face, "for asking how much Muggle blood she and her brother have got."
"Blimey, Neville," said Ron, "there's a time and a place for getting a smart mouth."
"You didn't hear her," said Neville.

"But they've used you as a knife sharpener," said Ron...Neville shrugged.

"Neville's the man!"

"We used to sneak out at night and put graffiti on the walls."

"Mandrakes!" Neville bellowed at Harry over his shoulder as he ran. "Going to lob them over the walls--they won't like this!"

"Have you seen my grandson?"
"He's fighting," said Harry.
"Naturally."

Someone had broken free of the crowd and charged at Voldemort.

"I'll join you when hell freezes over," said Neville.

With a single stroke Neville sliced off the great snake's head, which spun high into the air, gleaming in the light flooding from the entrance hall...

Some old-school BAMF: "I'm worth twelve of you, Malfoy."

Big thankyous to the Facebook group 'Neville Longbottom is a BAMF', which is where I discovered these facts.