ATTENTION ALL:

There is no 'N' in Demetra. Thank you. That is all.

Update 11/18/09:

Concerning that butthurt troll that's been hanging around using my name to insult me lately--Mr. Troll: If you are trolling because you're butthurt at me for blocking you, then please contact Epileptic Wombat or You Can't Escape Demetra. Everybody else: I am never too lazy to log in. If I'm not logged in, it's not me.

Some Stuff About Yours Truly

Lucky you! You get to read about an anonymous author's likes, dislikes, personality, attributes and--what's that? You don't give a damn? Oh, good, that's what I thought. I'm not all that terribly interesting. Lessee, anything worth putting in this section? -ahem-

I support Free Opinion, Intelligent Conversation, and Independent Thought. I was previously mildly disturbed by how rare these are, but having spent time in America, I now realize that critical thinking is frowned upon--if not banned entirely--in most societies and should be either avoided or hidden.

Pirates are cooler than ninjas, PC over Mac, Pepsi and Coke taste the same, American schools suck, my favorite number is 1024, my favorite cloud is venticular, and I flippin' looooove chocolate milk.

This has been Dem, thank you for reading, and goodbye.

Why Do I Flame?

1. The lulz. I was bored. I wanted to cause some drama. Call it a summer hobby. It's certainly more fun and stimulating than vegetating in front of a TV for three months.

2. The notoriety. Hell, if spending half an hour a day telling people about the actual quality of their stories (and this is all I do, people. Mindless hate is not cool) gets this level of outrage and drama, no shit I'm going to keep doing it.

3. Honest concern for the well-being of the fandom. I appreciate quality. As pointed out above, I also appreciate intelligent thought. It appears that nobody else does (vocally, anyway), so I take up the mantel of Crusader Against Badfic. And I won't stop until either a) The current archive of my choice no longer contains crap or b) I have a loyal cult of mindless followers who can do it for me and I can move on to a different archive.

4. Challenge. Could I do it? Could I effectively purge an archive of my choosing of crap? Could I laugh in the face of common sense and prove that yes, one persuasive person CAN defeat large groups of stupid people? Well, I'm doing great so far.

Copy Pasta

If you hate 'copy and paste this into your profile' quotes, copy and paste this into your profile.

Come on guys, seriously. We've seen it a million times on everybody else's profiles. I'll tolerate some of them, because they can be amusing if I haven't seen them already hundreds of times, but others--such as moronic Twilight related acronyms (Obsessive Cullen Disorder? Oh good lord) and bogus statistical ones like the '90 of teens did something' one, or the '90 of teens would die if so and so said it was uncool to breathe' one--immediately make me suspicious of the person who copy-pasta'd them. And an even worse offender, you've got stuff like 'If you're against child abuse, copy and paste this into your profile'. Excuse me, but uh...just who the fuck is for child abuse? Is there some kind of secret affiliation for the abuse of children that this copy pastable is protesting? Are there seriously people okay in the head who go around boasting about their child abusing ability? Is the morality of child abuse debated about by presidential candidates? Fuck no! Child abuse happens due to extenuating circumstances, and it's very terrible and everything, but egads, stop it with the stupid bullshit. Having a bunch of stupid slogans which mean nothing (90 of teens have not, in fact, tried weed. I am loath to use a phrase like 'duh', but it applies here very thoroughly) doesn't add anything to your profile, it doesn't make you look cool, it's not clever, it's not funny, and it's bloody annoying.

The sad bit is that most people reading this have already copied the above copy-pastable and are just waiting to get to their accounts and paste it in.

Fandom: Shipping, Favorites, and Bitchy Opinions (on stuff that I write for or may someday write for, as my total reading list is absurdly long and will unnecessarily lengthen this profile)

Artemis Fowl: Artemis/Minerva. That's right, you heard me. I'm the only sane Pro-Minerva person, like, EVAR. I feel so special. Hear me out. It's not, I repeat, not because I think A/H is gross and that geniuses should be together.

Shortly put, I want something different. I am sick to death of A/H. It's alright in canon, I guess...but fanon A/H...ninety percent of it is utterly terrible. The other ten percent is fantastic. But of course you get those authors that go way too far and spit out terrible romance that makes little to no sense, and then you have the other A/H fanatics who'll love any story, no matter how awful, so long as there's A/H in it, and--oh, whatever, I don't have room for this rant. I also feel very, very sorry for Minerva, and with all the bashing she endures have felt moved to defend her.

Twilight: Don't get me wrong. Twilight on the whole is the gag-inducing awfulness that I make it out to be in my antifiction, but there were two, maybe three characters in there that weren't too bad. Namely, Jacob and Leah, the only reasons Breaking Dawn was worth a fraction of the paper it was printed on. Also, Bella/Tyler's Van, because for all her whining about how she doesn't deserve so-and-so, she ought to get something she does deserve, no?

Harry Potter: Neville/Luna. Because we can. Severus/Lily. Because we can (and because James is a prick). Hagrid/Maxime. Because we can. Draco/Random Mary Sue. Because the stupid git deserves the pain. Dobby/Giant Squid, because, yes, the fandom is that fucked up and you know it. And Dumbledore/Grindelwald. Because it's CANON, BITCH!

His Dark Materials: Pretty much anything that's not Will/Lyra, really. If I had a nickel for every time a girl and boy who couldn't be together fell in predicted-by-everone-and-their-dog love...well, I wouldn't rich. But I'd have a whole lotta nickels. Even those gay angels make a better couple than them, srsly.

Bartimaeus Trilogy: Nat/Kitty! I really, really love this pairing, mostly because it was so subtle it was barely there, making those rare lines of N/K proof all the better.

Underland Chronicles: Not going to lie and say I don't like Gregor/Luxa just to be a Nonconforming Individual With Her Own Opinions, but any (sane) ship involving Ripred will eternally be better. Rodents are love, man.

Percy Jackson: Well, I used to be Percabeth...kind of, but then Last Olympian came out and it became canon. Now the section is suffused with even MOAR gag-inducing shipptastic fail. So now I'm Beckena, because tragic endings are FTW.

Avatar: Ah, Avatar, home of the most deranged shipping wars since the great Romione vs. Harmony rift of the Harry Potter fandom. Terrifying to watch. Put it this way: canon ships belong in canon, but are boring in fanon (Maiko. Kataang. I love you both. But if I read one more fluffy oneshot about either of you, I may just be sick) Fanon ships are awesome in fanon, but make no sense in canon (don't you dare deny it, Zutara you canonbender you). I also enjoy Jinko, Songko, and pretty much Any Female/Zuko. Because he's Zuko, and Zuko is allowed to be a manwhore like that.

Inheritance: For the record, I think this series is no better, if not worse, than the horror of Twilight, but I don't hate it nearly as much as I have the potential to. So I'm shipping Murtagh/Nasuada, because Paolini hasn't touched on it much and hasn't had a chance to foul it up yet.

Maximum Ride; Again, I have a very, very low opinion of this series, especially after the last two releases (Plot makes no sense, enough environmentalist propaganda to choke a horse, and one of the most pathetic fanbases I've ever seen...I could go on), but if asked, I ship Fang/Lissa. Just to fuck with people, you know? The only characters I found remotely tolerable were Ari and Iggy, the latter of whom--despite his blindness and pyromania--was pretty bland anyway.

Death Note: I don't ship here. At all. Partially because there's about, uh, two (okay, four) female characters, both of whom get a substantial amount of hate. So that leaves either genderbending (which I'm okay with), yaoi (which I'm not) and OCs (which I am, despite myself, occasionally okay with). Favorite character is utterly, completely and non-negotiably Light. If I were to expand on this sentiment, this would be an obscenely long paragraph. Don't really care about L, as utterly shocking as that sounds, mostly because for years I was hearing about how awesome he was from his various fangirls, which resulted in some serious hype backlack. And as far as I'm concerned, Matt, Mello, Near, (and especially BB) and all them people are not part of Death Note, but rather Death Note's kind-of-crappy sequel, so they can just go to hell and stay there for all I care.

Also, the ending was terrible. Just plain terrible. Not only because of what happened to my favorite character with the insanity and the psychosis and the death (scowl), but objecitvely, it was very weak. An epic manga like Death Note should never have ended with one side winning or losing. In my perfect world, Light wins everything, and when he finally gets his new world, he eventually realizes he has no place in it and he's miserable anyway without human contact, so after some totally epic fanfare character development end fanfare, writes his own name in the notebook. The last page would have the candle on the black background with the 'Thus endith the tale of the Death Note and its owner', too, but I say my ending would have made it more powerful. Call me a narcissist.

Romance in General: Sick of it. Sick of the attention it gets. Sick of the drama it causes. I don't particularly care who ends up fucking who, so long as the fic is good. This entire section is in fact just an excuse to blabber about fandom.

Slash: I happen to be a straight female. I find the idea of males fucking males to be squicky. I do not want to read about it, hear about it, or in fact have anything to do with it at all. I am perfectly fine with the idea that there are people in the real world of the same sex who fuck each other. I just don't want to have it shoved in my face online. Kay? Kay. (And, uh, because I just know I'm going to get angry PMs about this--Dumbledore/Grindelwald doesn't count. Neither do the gay angels from His Dark Materials.)

To be honest, the two words I never want to here ever again are 'romance' and 'yaoi'. Also, 'racism', 'environment', and 'popular'.

And now for that annoying bit every profile has...quotes. But it's original quotes, so at least you haven't read them fifty times on various other profiles via copy pasta

"There will come a day when you have lost all hope. There will come a day, when all is gone and forgotten in your life. There will come a day, when you no longer have the will to survive. There will come a day, when you have nothing, when you are hungry, homeless, penniless, and miserable. There will come a day when you are depressed and forlorn, when the world is nothing but a flat plain of suffering, and you are just a shell of a former person. And when that day does come...I'll be there to make it worse."

"I once had a life. Now I have a computer."

"I have decided to marry my pillow. We are very happy together. The wedding date is the twenty fourth of November. I hope you can make it."

"Sleep is a pathological disorder caused by lacking amounts of caffeine in the bloodstream."

"Ah, fanfiction dot net. A place for writers and people who think that they're writers."

Some Girl: Do we need a frisbee?
Me: What, to play Ultimate Frisbee? Nah.

"I think it says something about my mentality that the first fictional character I honestly fangirled over was a psychotic mass murderer with half the mental disorders in the book."

Damarikomu: And now I will name a random percentage. 88
Me: 65.248
Damarikomu: 52.9769723
Me: 41.3
Damarikomu: 32.44 THAT YOU ARE KIRA.

And so you have reached the end of this profile. I commend you on your endurance. But hey, better than endless scrolling through copy-pastables, quotes everybody has heard already, MySpace surveys, poems and supposedly 'true' stories that support a side of an argument, right?

Right?

Right?