Name: Tyler (Too many of us. I'm the best.)

Age: 19 (I don't act it though. Not at all.)

Hobbies: Reading (Huge novels, 800 pages or more and long series. Side note: If you are like me. Check out The Wheel of Time by Robert Jordan. 1-11 and a prequel. Final book 12 comin' out this year, 2009, or the next.), Writing(obviously), playing my X-Box 360(currently on Fallout 3, I'm obsessed with it. Waiting for BioShock 2 and Mass Effect 2.) and spending time with my baby sister.

Likes: Mangas, and stories involving love. No stories good without love.

Dislikes:Love Triangles. I hate love triangles in stories so much. It's gotten so bad that I can't read a story with one in it. It's a bad habbit but I can't help it.

Favorite movies: As of now, the Dark Knight is my most favorite movie ever, followed closely by all the Star Wars movies because I'm obsessed with Star Wars too.

Pairings:

Inuyasha: I hate Inuyasha!

Sesshomaru/Kagome (My most favorite ever of this series.)

Sesshomaru/Sango (My second favorite.)

Naraku/Kagome (I don't know why.)

Harry Potter:

Draco/Hermione (Greatest pairing.) This actually got me into fanfiction.

Draco/Ginny (I love redheads.)

Naruto:

Gaara/Sakura: I love this pairing so much.

FF 7:

Cloud/Yuffie (Perfect couple.)

FF8:

Squall/Selphie (Cold/Sunny! Perfect combo.)

FF9:

Zidane/Eiko (I don't know.)

FF10:

Tidus/Rikku (Nothing wrong with Yuna, but this is more my style.)

Girls Don't realize these things;

I'm sorry
that I bought you roses
to tell you that I like you

I'm sorry
That I was raised with respect
not to sleep with you when you were drunk

I'm sorry
That my body's not ripped enough
to "satisfy" your wants

I'm sorry
that I open your car door,
and pull out your chair like I was raised

I'm sorry
That I'm not cute enough
to be "your guy"

I'm sorry
That I am actually nice;
not a jerk

I'm sorry
I don't have a huge bank account
to buy you expensive things

I'm sorry
I like to spend quality nights at home
cuddling with you, instead of at a club

I'm sorry
I would rather make love to you then just screw you
like some random guy.

I'm sorry
That I am always the one you need to talk to,
but never good enough to date

I'm sorry
That I always held your hair back when you threw up, and didn't get mad at you for puking in my car,
but when we went out you went home with another guy

I'm sorry
That I am there to pick you up at 4am when your new man hit you and dropped you off in the middle of nowhere,
but not good enough to listen to me when I need a friend

I'm sorry
If I start not being there because it hurts being used as a door mat, only to be thrown to the side when the new jerk comes around

I'm sorry
If I don't answer my phone anymore when you call, to listen to you cry for hours, instead of getting a couple hours of sleep before work

I'm sorry
that you can't realize.. I've been the one all along.

I'm sorry
If you read this and know somebody like this
but don't care

But most of all

I'm sorry
For not being sorry anymore

I'm sorry
That you can't accept me for who I am

I'm sorry
I can never do anything right, and nothing that I do is good
enough to make it in your world.

I'm sorry
I caught your boyfriend with another girl and told you about it, I thought that was what friends were for...

I'm sorry
That I told you I loved you and actually meant it.

I'm sorry
That I talked to you for nine hours on Thanksgiving when your boyfriend was threatening you instead of spending time with my family.

I'm Sorry
That I cared

I'm sorry
that I listen to you at night talking about how you wish you could have done something different.

Ladies always complain and gripe to their friends that there is never any good guys out there, and they always end up with assholes who mistreat them. Well ladies, next time you're complaining, maybe look up to see who you're complaining to, maybe that special someone is right there hanging on your every word as usual, screaming in his head "Why won't you give me a chance?"
Because the person you are usually searching for is right by you.

If you're a guy and you agree with this letter, copy and paste into your profile as 'I'm sorry'

If You're one of the FEW girls with enough BALLS to copy and paste this into your profile, and you would never make your guy feel this way, copy and paste into your profile as 'Girls Don't Realize These Things'

Are you a 90's kid?

Just because you were born in '97 or up doesn't mean you're a 90's kid. It's not like you could remember the original Simpsons. I'm sorry but three conscious years of the 90's just wont cut it. You're a 90's kid if You remember watching Doug, Ren & Stimpy, Pinky and the Brain, AAAAAAAH Real Monsters!, Rockos Modern Life, Animaniacs, and Gargoyles. You've never ended a sentence with the word "PSYCHE!" You also just CANNOT resist finishing this: "In west Philadelphia, born and raised.." You remember those sitcoms like Full House, Family Matters, Boy Meets World, and Sister, Sister. You remember when it was actually worth getting up early on a Saturday to watch cartoons. You remember reading Goosebumps, and you still get the urge to say "NOT" after (almost) every sentence.. (not.) Almost every decision was settled by rock, paper, scissors or bubble gum, bubble gum in a dish or eeny, meeny, miny, moe, and when kick ball was a daily activity. When we always used to obey our parents. You used to listen to the radio all day long just to record your most favorite song of ALL time on tape. You recall the days when Super Nintendo (YES!!) and Sega Genisis became ultra popular. You remember the Original GameBoy. You always wanted to send in a tape to America's Funniest Home Videos, yet managed to never taped anything funny. You remember watching educational things like The Magic School Bus, Wishbone, Reading Rainbow, and Ghostwriter on PBS. You remember when yo-yo's were cool, and you had an impeccable collection of the Where's Waldo books. You remember eating Warheads and Splashers and Ring Pops. You remember watching (The very first) Batman, Aladdin, Ninja Turtles, Ghost Busters. You remember when every thing was "da BOMB!" You remember the almighty battle between boom boxes vs. cd players. Making those little paper fortune things, and then predicting your entire life with them. You played and/or collected Pogs, and you had at least one Tamagotchi, GigaPet, or Nano and brought it everywhere with you. One word: trolls. Windows 95 was the best. You watched the original cartoons of Rugrats, Wild Thornberry's, Power Rangers, Rocket Power. All your school supplies were of Lisa Frank, and you collected those Beanie Babies. Carebears Lambchop's song never ended. Silver dollars were cool to have. Everyone watched the WB. Hell, you might even know what an original walkman is. You know the Macarena by heart. "Talk to the hand," enough said. You went to McDonald's to play in the playplace. You remember playing on merry-go-rounds at the playground. This was before the MySpace frenzy, before the internet and text messaging, before sidekicks and iPods, before PlayStation 3 or XBOX 360, before Spongebob. When light up sneakers were awesome. When you rented VHS tapes instead of DVDs. When gas was 0.95 a gallon. You had slap bracelets! You actually played outside until it was dark! Way back. Before we realized all this would eventually disappear. Post this in your bulletin if you remember these days!

Something interesting:

I cdnuolt blveiee taht I cluod aulaclty

uesdnatnrd waht I was rdanieg. The phaonmneal

pweor of the hmuan mnid. Aoccdrnig to a

rscheearch at Cmabrigde Uinervtisy, it deosn't

mttaer in waht oredr the ltteers in a wrod are, the

olny iprmoatnt tihng is taht the frist and lsat ltteer

be in the rghit pclae. The rset can be a taotl

mses and you can sitll raed it wouthit a porbelm.

Tihs is bcuseae the huamn mnid deos not raed

ervey lteter by istlef, but the wrod as a wlohe.

Amzanig huh? Yaeh and I awlyas toghuht slpeling

was ipmorantt! tahts so cool!

If you could read that put it in your profile!

A guy and a girl were speeding over 100km on a motorcyle.

Girl: Slow down!

Guy: No this is fun!

Girl: No it's not! Please, it's way to scary!

Guy: Then tell me you love me.

Girl: I love you. Now slow down.

Guy: Now give me a big hug.

She gave him a big hug.

Guy: Can you take off my helmet and put it on yourself? It's bothering me.

In the newspaper, the next day, a motorcyle crashed into a building because of break failure.

Two people were on it and only one survived.

The truth was, that half way down the road the guy realized his breaks were out and he didn't want the girl to know.

Instead, he had her hug him and tell him she loved him one last time. Then he had her put his helmet on so she would live even if it meant he would die.

If you would do the same for the person you love, copy and paste this into your profile.

My favorite quotes:

'When in doubt - run like hll!' - Me.

'Why breathe, when you can die?' - Me.

'I am me and you are you, you - you, frickrn Nazi Jew!' - Me.

'Two wrongs don't make a right but three rights make a left.' - Cozmo, Fairily Odd Parents.

The Joker lines (Health Ledger version. The better version.):

"I believe what doesn't kill you simply makes you - stranger" - The Joker.

"You wanna know how I got these scars. My father was a drinker and a fiend and one night he goes off crazier than usual. Mommy gets the kitchen knife to defend herself. Now he doesn't like that. Not. One. Bit. So, me watching, he takes the knife to her. Laughing while he does it. He turns to me and he says 'Why so serious'? He comes at me with the knife, "Why so serious'? He sticks the blade in my mouth, 'Lets put a smile on that face.' And...Why so serious?" - The Joker.

"Now our operation is small but there's a lot of potential for aggressive expantion. So, which of you fine gentlemen would like to join our team. Oh, there's only one spot open right now, so we're going to have - tryouts. Make it fast." - The Joker.

"Tell them your name. Are you the real Batman. No, no! Then why do you dress up like him. Woo, hoo , he, hoo. Yeah you do, Bryan. You really do. Oh, shh, shh, shh, shh. So you think Batman has made Gotham a better place? Look at me. LOOK AT ME! You see this is how crazy Batman has made Gotham. If you want order in Gotham, Batman must take off his mask and turn himself in. Oh and every day he doesn't people will die. Starting tonight. I'm a man of my word. Heh..hehe..heh..hehe!" - The Joker.

"Good evening ladies and gentle-man. We are tonights entertainment." - The Joker.

"Why hello beautiful. You must be Harvey's squeeze. And you are beautiful. Oh you look nervous. Is it the scars? You wanna know how I got 'em. Come here. Hey, look at me. See I had a wife. She was beautiful, like you. Who tells me I worry to much. Who tells me I ought to smile more. Who gambles and gets in deep with the sharks. Hey, one day they carve her face and we have no money for surgery. She can't take it. I just want to see her smile again, hmm. I just want her to know that I don't care about the scars. So I stick a razor in my mouth and I- do this to myself. And you know what, she can't stand the sight of me. She leaves. Now I see the funny side. Now I'm always smiling." - The Joker.

"I like this job. I like it." - The Joker

"There's a Bat-man."- The Joker.

"This city deserves a better class of criminal and I'm gonna give it to them." - The Joker.

"Introduce a little anarchy. Upset the established order and everything becomes chaos. I'm an agent of chaos. And you know the thing about chaos, it's fair." - The Joker.

If, for no warning, you have laughed during a movie part that wasn't funny, put this in your profile.

If you believe in magic, copy this into your profile.

If you have a tendency to talk to yourself, copy and paste this into your profile.

If you've ever had a mad laughing fit for no reason, copy this into your profile.

If you ran up a down escalator copy this into your profile.

If you think Sasuke-teme is a jerk for leaving Sakura-chan on a cold hard bench then copy this onto your profile.

If you are a fangirl of any villain, copy and paste this into your profile!

If you have inside jokes...with yourself...copy and paste this into your profile.

If you've been on the computer for hours on end, reading numerous fanfiction, copy this onto your profile

If you've ever asked a really stupid, obvious question, copy and paste this onto your profile.

If you get strange, out-of-the-blue feelings that a movie character is watching you, copy and paste this into your profile.

If, for no warning, you have laughed during a movie part that wasn't funny, put this in your profile.

If you believe in magic, copy this into your profile.

If you have ever run into a wall while being on a total sugar high copy this into your profile.

If you have ever pushed on a door that said pull or vise versa copy this into your profile

Weird is good, strange is bad, and odd is when you don't know which to call someone. Weird is the same as different, which is the same as unique,so weird is good. If you are weird and proud of it, copy this onto your profile

If you've ever burst out laughing in a quiet room, copy this into your profile

If you are weird, insane, crazy, odd, not-normal, a freak of nature, psychotic, random or anything similiar, copy this into your profile

If you hate those obnoxious snobby people, PLEASE copy this into your profile.

If you have ever been so obsessed with something that now everyone is scared of you because of its effects copy this into your profile

If you're hyper, like being hyper, and are hyper all the time, COPY THIS INTO YOUR PROFILE!

Copy/Paste this into your profile if you know a lot of weird facts about old fairytales/myths and share them with random people at random moments.

If you could read a 700 page book in a day copy and paste this in your profile.

If you're one of those people who gets excited when they get a new review, copy and paste this in your profile.

If you've ever wished you could go into a book and strangle some of the characters for being so incredibly dumb, copy and paste this onto your profile.

If you have ever fallen up a flight of stairs, copy this, put it in your profile, and add your name to the list. AnimeKittyCafe, (actually I have) Hyperactivley Bored, Gem W, Bara-Minamino, Tsuyu Mikazuki (I do all the time!), WeaselChick, Celyna ( I fall up the steps to school every time I go up them... sadly...), SSAHC, Koki-chan (Everyday, I think my stairs are cursed), christiannerdsrule (stupid stairs...), sailorstar165 (School stairs. Multiple times), mrspatrickdempsey( X-( freaking staris), blackpearl.fantasy (I loved it! tried doing it on purpose afterwards, didn't work), xxBEjrtnfTHxx(i can't count all the times i have! I've even got a bruise from it once :(, srh420cky (school stairs, made a few trips to the nurse because of it and the school counseler because I laugh at my own pain :D), Vicious Dice (two at a time carrying several books. It hurt.) ;(

If you have ever seen a film, TV show, or anything of the like, and can quote it word for word. And you do at random moments, copy this into your profile.

If you think that alot of the characters from "high school musical" are boring and sort of "Mary-sue" like copy/paste this into your profile

Enough of Suspian and other boring/perverted pairings. I say it's time for a revolution! If you think nerds are better than princes and that the movieverse Susan ought to end up with the geek, copy and paste this into your profile and spread the word! Susan and the Geek forever!

If you love all the "copy and paste this into your profile" sentences...COPY AND PASTE THIS INTO YOUR PROFILE!

If you have a tendency to talk to yourself, copy and paste this into your profile.

If you are obsessed with fanfiction copy this into your profile.

If Fanfiction to you is what MySpace is to other people, copy this into your profile.

If you've ever had random loud singing outbursts in public, copy this into your profile.

If you ran up a down escalator copy this into your profile.

If you ever forgotten what you were talking about in a conversation copy and paste this into your profile.

If you think that life without computers is useless then copy this to your profile.

If you've ever had a mad laughing fit for no reason, copy this into your profile.

If you're looking at these copy and paste things and thinking--I'M NOT THE ONLY ONE!, copy and paste this into your profile!

If you have ever had a crush on a fictional character, copy and paste this on your profile and add your penname and the name(s) of the characters you have crushed on: HollyluvsArty (James Potter, Sirius Black (when he was young), Artemis Fowl) comix-freak (Artemis Fowl (and Arty is my one and only!))scarilyobsessed(Fang, from maximum ride),TwilightNatalia(I had a crush on Ed from Fullmetal Alchemist for like 3 days then I got over it, if that counts), vampirechick123 (Edwrad cullen...even though he is real) snow in my coco (Edward cullen. Sexier than you! and all mine...I wish. I refuse to believe he isn't real.), Pepa333(Draco Malfoy, Edward Cullen, Damon Salvatore), SlytherinLuver(Draco Malfoy, Blaise Zabini, Tom Riddle, Edward Cullen) Dark Jasmine (Draco Malfoy: evil and sexy & Edward Cullen: Sexy), Vicious Dice(Draco Malfoy; sexy and too fine. The Joker, Nolanverse; he just needs love.)

If you love FANFICTION.NET, add your name and copy and paste this into your profile. Rainstorm007, Mysterious Miracle, Frostpaw, Crazy Rayne, Alicegirl, Zandylion, Nightmare and Dream, vampirechick123, snow in my coco, Pepa333, SlytherinLuver, Dark Jamine, Vicious Dice

For me, crazy is a loose term. Crazy is when you stare at a pencil and laugh when someone asks you just what you find so interesting about the eraser. Crazy is when you have an hour long sob-fest, then start singing and dancing when your favorite song plays. Crazy is when you do or say a totally random thing, like "do you ever wonder where the eraser bits go?" or start having a thumbwar with yourself (i find that i am a very tough opponent). So if you're crazy, copy this onto your profile.

98 percent of teenagers has drank alcohol or done drugs. If you're one of the two percent who hasn't, copy this into your profile.

If every time you hear the word rum, you automatically think of Captain Jack Sparrow, copy and paste this into your profile!!

If you see The Joker everywhere and hear his laugh during the day put this in your profile.

If you think that Sasuke from Naruto completly has to have the nick-name 'Chicken Butt Hair Dude' or 'Duck Butt', copy this to your profile while laughing your ass off.

92 percent of American teens would die if Abecrombie and Finch told them it was uncool to breath. Copy this into your profile if you would be in the 8 percent laughing their asses off at the others.

If your profile is longer than the chapters of most of your stories copy and paste this to your profile.

30 of kids go to college. The other 70 either drop out or don't have the proper skills to. If you are one of the 30 that KNOW that you're going to college put this on your profile and add your name to the list. EcoliandDahChihuahua, Gaara's-pandachan101, Evilfangirl, Feareth the Kitty, Monko25, leafninja345435, Frozen Fyre, AkatsukiFan, DeiDei-kunsgirl, Deidaras-Flower, Redfowx, 0x-Kururin-x0, Vira Heartless

If you hear voices in your head, copy and paste this in your profile.

If you KNOW the voice in your head is real, copy and paste this in your profile.

If you have WAY too much time on your hands and your on fanfiction.net with that time, copy and paste this in your profile.

If you think that those stupid kids should just give the God-forsaken Trix rabbit some Trix, copy this into your profile

If you have ever stared at a computer screen for hours and hours reading stories that people who have no lives whats so ever and have enough obsession with something to write a story about it and you are one of those people, copy and paste this into your profile and add your name to the list: Shifter-youkai, AkatsukiFan, WhiteWinged Alchemist, DeiDei-kunsgirl, Deidaras-Flower, 0x-Kururin-x0, Vira Heartless, Vicious Dice

Most people would be offended if someone asked them what was wrong with their mind. Copy this into your profile if you would be one of the few people that would answer, "Where to begin?"

A good book is a good friend-copy/paste this if you truly believe that.

I understand that Scissors can beat Paper, and I get how Rock can beat Scissors, but there's no way Paper can beat Rock. Is Paper supposed to magically wrap around Rock leaving it immobile? If so, why can't paper do this to scissors? Screw scissors, why can't paper do this to people? Why aren't sheets of college ruled notebook paper constantly suffocating students as they attempt to take notes in class? I'll tell you why, because paper can't beat anybody, a rock would tear that crap up in two seconds. When I play rock/ paper/ scissors, I always choose rock. Then when somebody claims to have beaten me with their paper I can punch them in the face with my ready made fist and say, oh, I'm sorry, I thought paper would protect you, you baka (chinese for idiot)

Pluto was declared no longer a planet on August 27, 2006, because it was "too small" and "off its orbit" for some scientists' likings. If you think Pluto should still be a planet, copy and paste this to your profile. LONG LIVE PLUTO!!.

So You Want to Be a Death Eater..Your guide to everything evil!This list may contain spoilers!

Greetings, new follower:

If you are reading this letter then you have doubtless been accepted into the select band of professional wizards known as the Death Eaters. If by some unprecedented chance you are reading this and you have not been accepted into the Death Eaters then I suggest you put down this letter and leave now, or the consequences for you will be as terrible as my lifelong study into the Dark Arts can make them.

Please find enclosed a short introductory guide to Death Eating, which you must memorise and then eat, to prevent security leaks. (Due to an unfortunate fatality last week, it is now permitted to cut the guide into small pieces before swallowing).

The next meeting is scheduled for midnight, 11th June, when I trust we will have the pleasure of watching your initiation ceremony. Please remember to bring a clean handsaw and enough twine. It's so distressing when people don't prepare for these events properly.

Yours in infamy,

Lord Voldemort
So You Want To Be A Death Eater?

Welcome to this helpful guide to being a Death Eater. This leaflet should provide you with all the information you need to become a successful servant to the Dark Lord. It will if you know what's good for you. Please read every page before eating.

Aims of the society:

World peace
To be evil
To conquer the world
Elimination of all Muggles
Elimination of all Mudbloods
Elimination of Albus Dumbledore & the Order of the Phoenix
Elimination of (miscellaneous)
To serve Lord Voldemort (that's me!)
To create sanctuaries for endangered breeds of snakes
This statement is a lie.

List of Equipment required for new Death Eaters:

(Equipment marked must be obtained from Messers. Gorgon & Black Limited, outfitters to the intensely evil and terminally stylish since 12 BC. Their premises are on Knockturn Alley, but they now do mail order as well.)

Long Black Robes (Casual)
Long Black Robes (Smart)
Short Black Robes (for summer wear)
Long Black cloak (silk is preferable to velvet, as it is much more absorbent)
Black mask (informal)
Black mask (sequined)
Black boots (Stiletto heels are no longer permitted)
Black leather gloves (barbed wire ornamentation optional)
Wand
Extra wand in case of losing first wand
Plastic imitation wand in case of losing Extra wand

Cane (For favored members only. Unauthorized possession of a cane will result in a heavy fine. Before possessing cane, it is necessary to pass a rigorous series of tests to ascertain that your carrying-a-cane-in-a-nonchalant-yet-evil-fashion skills are up to scratch).

Coffin
Dueling sword
Disguise kit, containing: Nun's outfit, false beard, beekeeping veil, Muggle policeman's costume, etc.
Saw
Assorted chains
Handcuffs
Pointy stick

Recommended Reading:

Curses and Counter-Curses by Professor Vindictus Viridian
Evil: A Beginners Guide by Professor E. Maledict
The Illustrated Torturer's handbook by Bellatrix Black
What Not to Wear in the Torture Chamber by Narcissa Malfoy
Sex, Lies, and Unforgivable Curses: The Authorised Biography of Lord Voldemort by Peter Pettigrew
Caring For Your New Tattoo: An Informative Guide St. Mungo's Hospital Skin Department

Death Eater may also own snake or dragon or hippogriff. But only Lord Voldemort may possess a basilisk.

Death Eater Rules:

No Death Eater shall be a spy for Dumbledore.
No Death Eater shall play the harmonica.
All Death Eaters must be proficient in the Dark Arts: murder, Unforgivable Curses, yodeling etc. An annual examination will be made to make sure that all members are up to scratch.
No Death Eater shall behave with integrity unless it is a genuine accident.
A Death Eater must be pureblooded.
No Death Eater must ever mention that the Dark Lord himself is not pureblooded.
No Death Eater may kill another Death Eater without a very good reason.
All Death Eaters shall answer Lord Voldemort's summons immediately. (Unless you are having a shower, in which case it is permitted to don a bath robe first.)
All Death Eaters shall have vaguely sinister surnames.
All Death Eaters shall overtake on the left.

Frequently Asked Questions:

What happens if Voldemort is displeased with me?

As this is a fairly run (and currently short-staffed) organization, you will probably receive a warning. And some soul-destroying torture. A second offense and you will probably die a slow death. Options include:

Being slowly eaten by a manticore.
Being dissolved in a vat of basilisk venom.
Gradual impalement on your own wand.
Death by Mandrake (according to season).
The Pancake curse. (This newly developed spell will carve you into wafer-thin slices. Victims killed in this way are traditionally cooked in hot fat and served with maple syrup or lemon juice at Death Eater feasts.)
Being flayed alive and used as a life-sized glove puppet at Death Eater children's parties.
Avada Kedavra (if we're in a hurry/ feeling rather unimaginative).

What should I do if I decide to leave the organization?

Make your funeral arrangements as quickly as possible.

(See above)

What is the salary like?

You should be in this job for the principle of the thing, not for sordid reasons. So let's just say that it's much, much better than they pay at the Ministry. There will also be opportunities for pillage, looting, theft, etc., and Christmas bonuses are guaranteed.

Does the Dark Mark hurt?

Of course it does; this is an evil society after all. What are you, a wimp?

Can the Dark Mark be removed by laser treatment?

No. Only a moron would ask such a stupid question.

But it can be temporarily obscured by a good-quality concealer. (Make sure it's a shade darker than your skin tone, as a lighter shade will simply draw attention to the tattoo. Pat translucent powder over the concealer to make it last longer.)

Is there a retirement age for Death Eaters?

You probably won't live long enough to have to deal with this problem.

Can I kill personal enemies or just opponents of Voldemort?

Murder is encouraged on principle; however, personal killings should be reserved for each individual Death Eater's free time, as obviously serving Lord Voldemort is much more important. Occasional massacre outings/ dark revels may take place as rewards for good (i.e. bad) behavior.

What should I do if Voldemort is defeated at the height of his powers by a one-year-old boy?

This circumstance is so unlikely that there is no point devising a protocol to deal with it.

The Death Eater Anthem (to be memorised by each new recruit as soon as possible). Please note that this tune should never, never, never, never be sung to the tune of "Blackadder," an inane Muggle television program to which we are completely oblivious and never watch. Honestly.

Who lurk beneath the undergrowth?
When all is dim and dark?
Who murder people in their beds
Or sometimes in the park?
Death Eaters! Death Eaters!
Our blood is pure as pure!
Death Eaters! Death Eaters!
We all love Voldemort!
We serve the Dark Lord every day,
We're always very loyal
And if with us you don't agree
We'll boil you in hot oil!
Death Eaters! Death Eaters!
We're evil as can be!
Death Eaters! Death Eaters!
But if we're scared we'll flee!
Our curses are incredible.
We're known for our Morsmordres
And though our leader is insane
We always follow orders.
Death Eaters! Death Eaters!
We're wickedness collective!
Death Eaters! Death Eaters!
Yet rather ineffective!

Health and Safety:

Being a Death Eater is naturally a dangerous job. Lord Voldemort accepts no liability for any pain/suffering/torture/impalement/loss of limbs/grievous bodily harm/disintegration/insanity/imprisonment/loss of soul/death which you may experience while in his service. No good will come of any attempts to sue him as a negligent employer. Trust us.

However, in order to protect members, these safety guidelines have been developed for Death Eaters both during leisure time and on missions for the Dark Lord:

Don't try to take out Harry Potter yourself. It is extremely presumptuous. Leave it to Lord Voldemort, who has much more practice.

Employ masterly deceit to conceal your allegiance to the Dark Lord: e.g., if someone accuses you of being a Death Eater, laugh carelessly and say: "No, I am not a Death Eater. Would you like a cup of tea?" This Machiavellian trickery should be enough to convince them.

If this does not convince your accuser, have them discreetly murdered. (Sussex and Fox Ltd, of 13, Knockturn Alley, run a very efficient assassination service and are currently offering cut-price deals for friends and associates of the Dark Lord. Present your membership card at the counter for further details.)

Keep your wand on you at all times, even if you are asleep/on a hot date/in the bath/on the beach/wearing very tight-fitting leather garments (or all of these at once).

Ostentatious indicators of evil, such as manic laughter/dressing entirely in black swooshy robes (Snape, this means you)/ making sinister comments/killing people should be practiced only in private.

If you suspect someone of being a spy, kill them and their family at the first opportunity. If it turns out they were not a spy at all, pass it off as a light-hearted practical joke.

Only eat food prepared by yourself or your faithful minions. Do not trust your spouse(s)/partner(s), no matter how pretty he/she/they may be.

Similarly, do not accept drinks from anyone. This may cause offense when visiting a pub or bar but it's better than being dead. Obviously.

Do not take off your mask for any reason while on a mission. If people see your face while you are conjuring the Dark Mark/ massacring etc, they may suspect that you are a Death Eater.

Do not try to smoke while wearing your mask, as it is not fireproof.

Never address your colleagues by name while on a mission. Survivors may recall it at a later date. For the same reason, never mention your address or telephone number to anyone you are kidnapping/raping/torturing/killing, no matter how attractive they may be. Evil relationship experts have stated that romance is unlikely to flourish under such circumstances anyway.

Burn all sensitive documents. Not only will this deter spies, it is also amusing as it contributes to global warming.

Set up an anti-Apparating spell round your residence (but make sure you have a Portkey handy so you're not embarrassingly trapped there if the place is attacked by Aurors).

Prepare a secret hideout for yourself should your cover be blown. Failure to do this may lead to your sharing a hideout with another Death Eating family, which often results in friction over use of bathroom facilities, television, etc.

Don't upset Lord Voldemort. It will only end in tears. (And multiple burns, fractured limbs, mortal torment, etc.)

HAHAHAHA! I laughed SO hard when I read that! So you wanna be a Death Eater? HAHAHAHAHA

You know you live in 2009 when...

1.) You accidentally enter your password on a microwave.

2.) You haven't played solitare with real cards for years

3.) The reason for not staying in touch with your friends is they dont have a screenname or my space

4.) You'd rather look all over the house for the remote instead of just pushing the buttons on the TV

6.) Your boss doesn't even have the ability to do your job.

7.) As you read this list you keep nodding and smiling.

8.) As you read this list you think about sending it to all your friends.

9.) And you were too busy to notice number 5.

10.) You scrolled back up to see if there was a number 5.

11.) Now you are laughing at yourself stupidly.

12.) Put this in your profile if you fell for that, and you know you did.

I am the girl kicked out of her home because I confided in my mother that I am a lesbian.
I am the prostitute working the streets because nobody will hire a transsexual woman.
I am the sister who holds her gay brother tight through the painful, tear-filled nights.
We are the parents who buried our daughter long before her time.
I am the man who died alone in the hospital because they would not let my partner of twenty-seven years into the room.
I am the foster child who wakes up with nightmares of being taken away from the two fathers who are the only loving family I have ever had. I wish they could adopt me.
I am one of the lucky ones, I guess. I survived the attack that left me in a coma for three weeks, and in another year I will probably be able to walk again.
I am not one of the lucky ones. I killed myself just weeks before graduating high school. It was simply too much to bear.
We are the couple who had the realtor hang up on us when she found out we wanted to rent a one-bedroom for two men.
I am the person who never knows which bathroom I should use if I want to avoid getting the management called on me.
I am the mother who is not allowed to even visit the children I bore, nursed, and raised. The court says I am an unfit mother because I now live with another woman.
I am the domestic-violence survivor who found the support system grow suddenly cold and distant when they found out my abusive partner is also a woman.
I am the domestic-violence survivor who has no support system to turn to because I am male.
I am the father who has never hugged his son because I grew up afraid to show affection to other men.
I am the home-economics teacher who always wanted to teach gym until someone told me that only lesbians do that.
I am the man who died when the paramedics stopped treating me as soon as they realized I was transsexual.
I am the person who feels guilty because I think I could be a much better person if I did not have to always deal with society hating me.
I am the man who stopped attending church, not because I don't believe, but because they closed their doors to my kind.
I am the person who has to hide what this world needs most, love.
I am the person who is afraid of telling his loving Christian parents he loves another male.
Re-post this if you believe homophobia is wrong. Please do your part to end it.

Friends

FRIENDS: Lend you their umbrella
BEST FRIENDS: Take yours and say 'RUN BITCH RUN!'

FRIENDS: Never ask for anything to eat or drink.
BEST FRIENDS: Helps themselves and are the reason why you have no food.

FRIENDS: Call your parents by Mr. and Mrs. and Grandpa, by Grandpa.
BEST FRIENDS: Call your parents DAD and MOM and Grandpa, GRAMPS!

FRIENDS: Would bail you out of jail.
BEST FRIENDS: Would be sitting next to you sayin "THAT WAS FRICKING AWSOME"

FRIENDS: Have never seen you cry.
BEST FRIENDS: Wont tell everyone else you cried...just laugh about it with you in private when your not down anymore.

FRIENDS: Asks you to write down your number.
BEST FRIENDS: Has you on speed dial.

FRIENDS: Borrows your stuff for a few days then gives it back.
BEST FRIENDS: Loses your crap and tells you, "My bad...here's a tissue."

FRIENDS: Only know a few things about you.
BEST FRIENDS: Could write a very embarrassing biography on your life story...

FRIENDS: Will leave you behind if that is what the crowd is doing.
BEST FRIENDS: Will kick the whole crowds butt that left you

FRIENDS: Would knock on your front door.
BEST FRIENDS: Walk right in and say "I'M HOME."

FRIENDS: You have to tell them not to tell anyone.
BEST FRIENDS: Already know not to tell.

FRIENDS: Are only through high school/college. (aka: drinking buddies)
BEST FRIENDS: Are for life.

FRIENDS: Will comfort you when the guy rejects you
BEST FRIENDS: Will go up to him and say 'its because your gay isn't it?'

FRIENDS: Would ignore this letter
BEST FRIENDS: Will repost this crappp!!

If you think Captain Jack Sparrow and Elizabeth Swann--Disney's Pirates of the Caribbean-- are made for each other and that, no matter how wonderfully wonderful Will Turner may be, he should never, under any circumstances, be with Elizabeth, copy and paste this into your profile!

Things I'm not allowed to do at Hogwarts

145. It is not necessary to yell “BURN” every time Snape takes a point from Gryffindor.
143. I will not sing “we’re off to see the wizard” when I am sent to the headmasters office.
139. I will not dress up in a dementor suit and use a dustbuster on Harry’s lips to get him to do whatever I want.
126. I am not allowed to declare an official Hug a Slytherine day.
124. I will not wear my “DEATH EATER AND PROUD OF IT” shirt to school.
123. I will not dress up as Voldemort for Halloween.
121. I am not allowed to make lightsaber sounds with my wand.
120. I will not call Professor McGonagall “McGoogles”.

119. Telling Slytherin first years that to enter their common room they must point their wands strait up and say, “Morsmordre” is just plain mean.

93. I will not enchant a scarecrow and suit of armor to skip through the halls singing, “We’re Off to See the Wizard”.
99. I will not under any circumstances ask Harry Potter who died and made him boss.

93. I will not enchant a scarecrow and suit of armor to skip through the halls singing, “We’re Off to See the Wizard”.
80. I will not use Slytherine and Gryffindor first years as Christmas decorations.
74. I will not say, “Dude get a life” to Voldemort.

75. I must not point at Voldemort and say “I taught him everything he knows.”
65. A wand is for magic only, it is not for picking noses, playing snooker, or playing drums no matter how bored I become.

64. However tempting it may be, I will not send Voldemort a Christmas card telling him how much we all love him, even through these difficult times.
59. I will not tell Snape he needs to go to his “Happy place”.

58. I will not jump up, yelling “VOLDEMORT, RUN!” in the middle of a Order of the Phoenix or DA meeting.

50. I will not start singing and dancing in the middle of a class and blame that someone put the Imperious Curse on me.

48. I will not greet Professor McGonagall with “What’s new, pussycat?”
39. Asking, “How do you keep a Gryffindor in suspense?” and then walking away is only funny the first time.
36. The four houses are not the Morons, the Barons, the Smartelics, and the Junior Death Eaters.
30. Remus Lupin does not want a flea collar.
23. I will not bring a magic eight ball to Divination class.
17. Seamus Finnegan is not “after me lucky charms”.

14. I will not tell Draco and Hermione to “Get a room” whenever they start to fight.
11. If a classmate falls asleep I will not take advantage of this fact and draw a dark mark on their arm

On another note; I have many many ideas for stories and things. Lots of 'em. Harry Potter (A Draco/Hermione/Ginny triangle story. I hate triangles that I'm not writing.) An Sess/Kags fic, alot of fluff and some OCC. But I love the fluff and the horror. I want to do a Gaara/Sakura but I'm just not as familiar with that anime. I got this far out crossover, coming my two favorite things. Actually, pulling one character from a 'movie' and dropping him into a 'book series' that I love, where he eargly spreads chaos and some fluff. (I gave you some hints, work it out.) So I'll get around to them eventually. I want to get father into 'Immerse yourself in the Hate' before I try anything else though. And...I freely admit; I'm lazy.